Sidestory - Altogether now

[Konsaki]

And maybe she can make his curse form a redhead

Bad Spok! No gold star for you for bringing up that long drawn out debate!

I do agree that you've taken the Spliced Ranma's decision making towards the extreme use of 'if all you have is a hammer(Martial arts) then everything looks like a nail' which isn't quite correct since we know he has at least 'some' sense of civility in him. Of course, if you're having him go insane... /shrug. Just stating that this Ranma is at the lower rankings of all the Ranma's you've created, even below Plat Ranma, in my opinion.

On this AU as a whole, I'm enjoying reading it and all the different worldviews from the 'same-but-different' character.

[LawOhki]

Bad Spok! No gold star for you for bringing up that long drawn out debate!

I do agree that you've taken the Spliced Ranma's decision making towards the extreme use of 'if all you have is a hammer(Martial arts) then everything looks like a nail' which isn't quite correct since we know he has at least 'some' sense of civility in him. Of course, if you're having him go insane... /shrug. Just stating that this Ranma is at the lower rankings of all the Ranma's you've created, even below Plat Ranma, in my opinion.

On this AU as a whole, I'm enjoying reading it and all the different worldviews from the 'same-but-different' character.

Keep in mind that it starts off with him describing that he was really not in the best of circumstances. And if you've seen the episode 'The Last Resort' you'd see what Ranma was talking about. Snowfall Ranma isn't always "thing pisses me off, smash thing" but around strange people that he thinks are just figments of his messed up head, he's going to be more reactionary.

[frice2000]

at waking up after he had finally lost consciousness

against waking up

The lights were always on, there were no windows

remove the there were no windows. You said it already.

anymore sleep if it was

anymore sleep regardless,

They said I’m crazy and that--

just use the ellipses...

It was too obvious to put into words.

You're right. It's not needed no need to have it written twice .

started to undo the locks holding his straight jacket on with a weird key

no medical scans or cautionary procedures? I mean I assume if he tries to attack her she's got all sorts of personal protections but that she takes him to the rest of the family even those who might NOT be able to defend themselves against someone very likely crazy and who has given every indication thus far of having problems it's a little hard to swallow. Very hard actually.

If you did make me change realities,

Doesn't sound quite right. Transport me to a different reality, sounds better maybe?

from your reality but

but... or you can use your but--

The girl grabbed his hand and lead him over to a low table where

Again sorry but I'm just thinking how irresponsible Washu has been about this entire situation again. 'Oh hello Mr. Psychopath why are you wearing that hockey mask and machete covered in blood? Of course I'll let you out amongst people who you can kill mercillesly because I'm the greatest scientific mind in the universe. What could go wrong?

With a swift kick to her stomach, he sent the strange woman sliding i

Oh that...Yeah oops. She's acting way too stupid here for me to buy her being Washu. Something to instantly PREVENT him from attacking someone shocking him or something when he tries that she covertly placed on him in case he was a threat makes this far more believable knowing her as a character. Hell simply scanning them for contagions since they come from another world would've been wise and within that a medical scan plausible too. She loves her experiments and guinea pigs and wouldn't all of that give her far better and more information to go through? I'm having a problem with some of the sources of what are going to be conflicts so far because of that.

and moving back up from the previous quote...

inability for his

of his

Are you alright Mihoshi?” The blond Ranma asked.

Wrong order of actions here. Would be nice to see the action being taken to subdue the potentially dangerous and unstable individual first and the movement of characters in dealing with the situation before asking if she is OK. Ranma pinning him, or getting between them or Washu sticking him in the goo first flows more realistically.

“Looks like our visitor here isn’t exactly stable.”

No shit? Maybe you should've taken quite a few more precautions in regards to ALL of them. I assume she's at least tagged them with something so she knows where they all are. If not something is really wrong with this picture.

[LawOhki]

Hmm, I believe I'll go back and redo the scene. But I did come up with a way for Mihoshi to get back at Ranma.

[Spokavriel]

What if you change it to more of a flinch reaction. Its not like there would have been allot of people playing with his tail given the attitude towards the spliced back in Gotham.

[LawOhki]

What if you change it to more of a flinch reaction. Its not like there would have been allot of people playing with his tail given the attitude towards the spliced back in Gotham.

Because no one else does it is why he didn't have an immediate flinch reaction. The only thing that ever grabs his tail with any sort of regularity are doors.

[LawOhki]

Ignore the snowfall scene it'll come in later. Here's the character not from one of my stories.

--------------

No Need for Nerima Ranma

“So Mom was able to cure your fear of cats?” Ranma asked his Jurian counterpart. They were waiting in the living room with Sasami, Mihoshi, and Ayeka for the next dimensional traveler to be awoken. The adopted son of Seto had just finished explaining why he wasn’t freaking out over his hybrid form. Why he was in his hybrid form had to do with explaining the dimensional tuner in more depth. One thing led to another and he had ended up showing the other Ranma.

“It was a royal pain but yes.” Sitting in the other Ranma’s lap was Rin-Ohki, who was enjoying the presence of someone new who knew how to pet a cabbit. Ryo-Ohki was in one of her usual spots on Sasami’s shoulder.

“Becoming a werecat was a lot easier.” He had been given almost instant immunity to the fear of cats while the Ranma sitting across from him had to spend a significant amount of time facing down the phobia.

“I’d rather not be that tall though.” Ranma smiled good naturedly.

“So what is it that you currently do for Jurai?” Ayeka asked.

“Not a whole lot really. Seina is the one who runs into all the trouble and I usually show up after all the fun has ended. I’m probably missing the thing they’re trying to do with Fuku and Kiriko’s tree ship.”

“Who’s Fuku?” Sasami asked since they all knew who Kiriko was.

“Sorry, she’s a cabbit that Washu sort of gave to Seina. Or at least I think that’s what she did, she won’t give me a straight answer about why since she isn’t supposed to help Jurai or the GP like that.”

“And what were they going to do with a cabbit and a tree ship?” Ayeka sipped on some tea after asking the question.

“I’m not at liberty to say.” Ranma smiled so hard that his eyes closed.

“You can’t tell me?” Ayeka looked like she had been slapped.

“Nope, it’s all very hush hush. I shouldn’t have even mentioned it. Forget I said anything.”

“I’m going to go see what Mom is up to.” Teleporting himself across the room he ducked down to pass through the lab door, he would let the other Ranma deal with the suddenly very interested in why she was not privy to information Ayeka.

Inside the lab, he found Washu talking to another him that was now awake. He looked like a normal enough human, with black hair, and no special features. Most of his clothing was obscured by a black robe with a hood. The lining of it was a bright shade of blue and there was an embroidered crescent moon in white over the left side of his chest. What he did notice was that this Ranma was younger, if he had to guess he would say fifteen at most.

“What are you supposed to be?” The other Ranma asked. He didn’t seem frightened by his presence but he wasn’t comfortable.

“I’m a werecheetah.” Scratching an itch behind his left ear, he approached the two. “Hakubi Ranma.” He greeted with a polite bow of his head.

“Saotome Ranma.” The other Ranma greeted. “So-- alternate reality? I take it here you didn’t get hit by age changing mushrooms?”

“Can’t say that I have.” He shrugged. “Well unless you count when mom changed my age when we first met.”

“Nodoka can do that?”

“No, she’s my mom.” He pointed to Washu. The other Ranma cocked his head to one side while processing that information.

“Oh I know, I do look young for my age.” Washu gushed with a false blush on her cheeks.

“She can change her age.” He interjected before the scientist could break the poor kids mind. Not that he was going to say just how old or what she was. “Want to come into the living room? We have food if you want it.” He automatically fell into talking to the other Ranma like he was a kid and that he was an adult.

“Sure.”

[frice2000]

to be awoken

to awaken (unless of course she's waking them up forcefully or was keeping them asleep. Which if it's the case why hasn't she scanned them?)

It was a royal pain but yes.

Does not seem to follow very well with the previous section. Took me re-reading it a bunch of times till I got it. Moving the mention of curing the fear closer would serve it better.

suddenly very interested in why she was not privy to information Ayeka.

suddenly very interested Ayeka. Don't need the summary of why since we can infer it easily.

I take it here you didn’t get hit by age changing mushrooms?

Eliminate 'here'.

He automatically fell into talking to the other Ranma like he was a kid and that he was an adult.

Line needs work.

Still think they are dealing with this situation in far too casual a manner but I've had that problem from the start.

[LawOhki]

Still think they are dealing with this situation in far too casual a manner but I've had that problem from the start.

Well, try to think of what you might do in such a situation. I think it's reasonable that most people would be in a bit of a shock and wouldn't really get what has happened and would simply try to do something normal until it catches up with them. Then there are some like CO-Ranma who is supposed to evolve into a character who just rolls with everything. Why this is will come up in a scene I am planning for him, REN-Ranma, and CF-Ranma.

BDAN-Ranma already has experience with alternate realities (Avalon) and time travel. Seeing another version of himself isn't really going to be a huge hit. He's going to be constantly pining for Angela and I may even have him continually reference her until someone gets fed up with it.

CF-Ranma is going to be rather upset, but also grew up in a place where alternate planes of existence are well known so it's not that out there.

REN-Ranma is still too much in shock at having her humanity shoved back in her face to do anything. That and she's hungry.

Platinum Ranma won't be all that worried, in fact he'll be rather happy that it happened considering the situation he had been in.

HATM-Ranma is going to be more interested in smelling something like a vampire than the fact that he's in a different reality.

As for the non-story Ranma, his reality is crossed with HP (though he has nothing to do with Hogwarts or the events there) and he already had to deal with finding out Genma was keeping some things from him and the whole magical world deal. He will mostly be weary and pissed at Platinum Ranma.

And I'm putting out some snippets that are small because I'm forcing myself to get back into writing.

[frice2000]

No I can agree with you on the characters for the most part. Them demanding answers and estimated time till they can return home a little more stridently would make sense but that's not who I am having trouble with. The kind of lazy attitude in which they allow all these other Ranma's to go off without any exam or tracking method is where I have problems. I mean even a scene where Washu wants to do some tests and Ranma begs her off and comes back to find her doing the tests on another Ranma who left feels appropriate. I mean hell you've got mythological creatures Washu has never seen walking around and she isn't laughing manically taking at least blood tests? Add to that how do you know if you can trust them or no? In some of the alternate realities you did previously in NNFN you had some of their counterparts or people therein being more suspicious, still not enough in my estimation, I just think some more suspicion is warranted here. I might invite relative strangers i don't know well into my home if I am responsible for them being stranded but I'd keep a eye on them which hasn't happened seemingly. I mean what if it was Sasami who played with the guys tail and got tossed and she broke a rib? I mean yes most of the household can defend themselves but still more caution and suspicion until proven otherwise would be nice. I mean even one line or scene of Washu covertly monitoring them all and the problem is alleviated.

Also I've got no problems with the size of your snippets they flow together well as I've said in Ffnet reviews. I've been consistently surprised by how well they do so considering the amount you sometimes toss out for a single chapter but your system works.

[JustinD]

REN-<layer id="searchwp-highlighting23" highlight="term-1" class="searchwp-term">Ranma</layer> is still too much in shock at having her humanity shoved back in her face to do anything. That and she's hungry.

HATM-<layer id="searchwp-highlighting25" highlight="term-1" class="searchwp-term">Ranma</layer> is going to be more interested in smelling something like a vampire than the fact that he's in a different reality.

I'm more than a little interested in how HATM Ranma will react to REN Ranma, however I guess that depends on whether or not he's dealt with vampires in his own realty yet or still doughts their existance. On top of that I reckon REN Ranma could eat 'Underworld's' vampires for breakfast and still have room for sparkly vampires. I suspect REN Ranma might even be a little resentful of how easy the other 'monster' Ranmas have it compared to herself having to live off human blood? Should be interesting when it all goes down, I look forward to reading more.

[Wyrd]

The more characters you bring in, and the more they have to do with the Tenchi universe, the more I want to see the Ranma from Ranma Saotome Doesn't Myah show up. I've often found the idea of crossing over various versions of the same character from different stories to be a fascinating idea. Unfortunately, I haven't read most of your works, and as such don't know the characters you are using all that well, though I admit to enjoying the Gargoyles crossover.

[LawOhki]

I'm more than a little interested in how HATM Ranma will react to REN Ranma, however I guess that depends on whether or not he's dealt with vampires in his own realty yet or still doughts their existance. On top of that I reckon REN Ranma could eat 'Underworld's' vampires for breakfast and still have room for sparkly vampires. I suspect REN Ranma might even be a little resentful of how easy the other 'monster' Ranmas have it compared to herself having to live off human blood? Should be interesting when it all goes down, I look forward to reading more.

Not well at all. He will have had some bad expeirences thanks to Ukyo. You didn't think I had her in there just for her to do a canon "he said I'm cute, I must marry him!" do you?

Thinking on it, I believe Snowfall-Ranma will get awoken last, since he looks like a troublemaker, and HATM-Ranma will be up next then CF-Ranma.

The more characters you bring in, and the more they have to do with the Tenchi universe, the more I want to see the Ranma from Ranma Saotome Doesn't Myah show up. I've often found the idea of crossing over various versions of the same character from different stories to be a fascinating idea. Unfortunately, I haven't read most of your works, and as such don't know the characters you are using all that well, though I admit to enjoying the Gargoyles crossover.

That story bothers me simply by how overwhelmingly stupid Washu is in it. Let alone that she's the one who MADE CABBITS TO START WITH AND THERE WAS ONLY ONE. (Who basically no one knew about)

[frice2000]

That story bothers me simply by how overwhelmingly stupid Washu is in it

Yes that is a problem with it but lots of people have issues writing her convincingly. Other then that though it's a really cute and well written story. The main thing I have a problem with that story is it's inclusion of the Senshi for no real discernible reason. A quick cameo appearance at the beginning was awkward, but charming, it got worse as they got more involved hopefully they've move to being very peripheral characters.

[Wyrd]

That story bothers me simply by how overwhelmingly stupid Washu is in it. Let alone that she's the one who MADE CABBITS TO START WITH AND THERE WAS ONLY ONE. (Who basically no one knew about)

Not stupid, immensely drunk. I'm sure she has seen other people trying to mimic her designs before, so seeing something that seems to be a recently manufactured knockoff of the design that once broke through the entire Jurayin fleet because its pilot was bored would arouse her curiosity more than make her think, "Did I make this and forget about it?" The fact that she can tell that Ranma is 17 years old, which means he was created(*1) when she was in stasis(*2) reinforces the idea that he was made by someone else. Her logic makes sense if he really had been born as a cabbit, it is just our perspective that makes it seem nonsensical. Also, I don't recall it ever specifying that she never made any other cabbits, just that she made the first one, Ryo-ohki. I admit to not being all that familiar with the many Tenchi continuities, except enough to know that each series and most of the ova's might as well be separate realities that just bear a strong resemblance to each other.

*1 if he really was a cabbit, and not merely shapeshifted into one

*2 according to one of the continuities