Sidestory - Altogether now

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Re: Sidestory - Altogether now

Postby Konsaki » Fri Oct 22, 2010 10:12 pm

“Animals don’t really like me.”

frice2000 wrote:Expressions and emotions here please. You make it sound like she really wants to pet the cabbit like it matters to her. Like she is not happy about being what she is throughout this and I get that. But what she wants and what she looks like here would be oh so very nice. And the cabbits rejection later and her reaction there as well would be nice. Or I suppose you'll get into that later in her own section. Other then that looks nice.
The line looks right to me, since she's not really putting out any real emotion at the moment which I can read into. She seems to be purposely giving off a blank face for this 'unusual situation', which would give the line a matter of fact feeling without needing any extra emotive.
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Re: Sidestory - Altogether now

Postby Spokavriel » Fri Oct 22, 2010 10:12 pm

Well at least introductions are proceeding. But um already having the Tree Ship is a rather huge spoiler given the way Career Opportunities was going. Sure the response of the tree made it seem inevitable but unless this is an AU of him where he just accepted it removes that uncertainty.
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Re: Sidestory - Altogether now

Postby LawOhki » Fri Oct 22, 2010 10:30 pm

Spokavriel wrote: Well at least introductions are proceeding. But um already having the Tree Ship is a rather huge spoiler given the way Career Opportunities was going. Sure the response of the tree made it seem inevitable but unless this is an AU of him where he just accepted it removes that uncertainty.

It could, it could not be. Either way I won't be going into detail how that came about. CO-Ranma is basically there to sit in the background and watch the festivities.

I am going to put some more emotion in for REN-Ranma since she's being repeatedly hit by a truck carrying all the humanity that she's been throwing away for the past year and a half or so. The only one who is more crushed at the moment is CF-Ranma and the reason will be obvious. Platinum Ranma is also in a low spot for a reason not involving any sort of emotional issues, just what someone tried to do to him.
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Re: Sidestory - Altogether now

Postby Spokavriel » Fri Oct 22, 2010 10:33 pm

Wait didn't you say the Dragon wasn't in this one earlier... I'm confused on what was answered or not.
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Re: Sidestory - Altogether now

Postby LawOhki » Fri Oct 22, 2010 10:35 pm

Spokavriel wrote: Wait didn't you say the Dragon wasn't in this one earlier... I'm confused on what was answered or not.

I mentioned in a snippet or two back that he was back in and then another Ranma from an idea I had. I came up with a good reason for Plat-Ranma to be there.
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Re: Sidestory - Altogether now

Postby Spokavriel » Fri Oct 22, 2010 10:45 pm

Spokavriel wrote: Wait didn't you say the Dragon wasn't in this one earlier... I'm confused on what was answered or not.
LawOhki wrote:I mentioned in a snippet or two back that he was back in and then another Ranma from an idea I had. I came up with a good reason for Plat-Ranma to be there.

I just skimmed through the whole thread again and the only words I found on him is he's out. I really hope its not a missing post that would indicate a possible database error.
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Re: Sidestory - Altogether now

Postby LawOhki » Fri Oct 22, 2010 10:46 pm

Spokavriel wrote: I just skimmed through the whole thread again and the only words I found on him is he's out. I really hope its not a missing post that would indicate a possible database error.

I missed that part of a post on this forum. But I have gone back and fixed it so there is the correct number in my copy.
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Re: Sidestory - Altogether now

Postby LawOhki » Sat Oct 23, 2010 9:39 pm

Floating off the floor, Ryoko passed through her door, and out into the home. Eyes nearly shut, she acted on autopilot, phasing down through the floor to come to a rest next to the table. Rubbing at her eyes, she made out a male form next to her, and because their hair wasn’t cut short like Tenchi’s, she assumed it was Ranma. Ayeka was also seated nearby but as usual she ignored the haughty princess.

“Morning.” She mumbled.

“Hi Ryoko.” Ranma answered in a far too chipper voice.

“How was the trip?” Personally she had no desire to go back and forth between realities. She was happy right where she was at. Occasionally she’d take a trip to one of her favorite planets, raise some chaos with Ryo-Ohki, just normal stuff.

“I’m still on it.” Her brother answered, his voice sounding so amused that she wanted to punch him for it.

“Now listen--.” Nearly falling over the table, she swore off sake for at least a day, Ryoko grabbed Ranma’s shirt. “I don’t care how fast you are, I just have to get a hold of you, and then you’re mine. Got it little brother?”

“Little brother? You’ve never called me that before.”

“Hmm?” Blinking her eyes, she focused more on who she was currently holding. For one the eyes weren’t green but a dark shade of blue. The boy’s hair was black and he had normal human ears. “Who are you?” She asked, realizing that it was indeed a Ranma that she was looking at, but he looked more like what he did when she first met him.

“You’re not that slow are you Ryoko?” He smiled, still annoyingly amused.

“Alright, spill.” Grabbing the front of his shirt with her other hand, she quickly rose to her feet, and hauled him up off the floor.

“The tuner broke again.” Her blond brother exited the kitchen, helping Sasami bring in the food along with Mihoshi. “So we have some visitors.”

“She should destroy that stupid thing.” Ryoko said with a huff and let the strange Ranma go so she could sit back down.

“No matter the reality, Ryoko is still Ryoko.” The visiting Ranma smiled and shook his head, and sat back down casually. Narrowing her eyes, Ryoko looked the newcomer up and down, and noted the Jurai clothing.

“Such a sad thought.” Ayeka chimned in, having been silent up until this point.

“How many visitors?” She asked, not helping set the table.

“Nine.” Her brother answered.

“At least it wasn’t us this time.” She yawned. “So where are they?”

“I don’t know, I haven’t asked Mom yet what’s going on.” Ranma shrugged his shoulders. “But there are two that are sleeping during the day. So don’t open the closet under the steps.”

“So where is our dear sweet and loving mother?” She asked sarcastically.

“Right here, my oh so ungrateful child.” Washu said from behind her. Teleporting away from her position, she just missed having Washu cuff her in the back of the head. “You’re getting quicker.”

Sticking her tongue out at her mother, she settled down at a spot opposite from the red head. “So your great invention failed again?”

“Fail?” Washu looked hurt at the accusation. “Why it has merely worked too well.”

“Why hasn’t anyone else woken up yet?” The black haired Ranma asked.

“I was just about to make a decision on that.” Washu crossed her arms. “It would be far easier if I simply kept them under sedation until I’m able to locate their home realities. Though this has the problem of me not being able to confirm that it is indeed their reality when I bring them back.” The red head paused for a moment. “So after breakfast I will be waking them up one by one, explaining the situation, and hopefully we can all get along.”

“That sounds like a reasonable plan.” Her brother nodded to himself.

“What could possible go wrong?” She added.
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Re: Sidestory - Altogether now

Postby frice2000 » Sat Oct 23, 2010 9:51 pm

take a trip to one of her favorite planets, raise some chaos with Ryo-Ohki, just normal stuff.

Sounds a little off here. Needs a 'or' or something. Just sounds wrong.

But there are two that are sleeping during the day

Sounds off. But there are two who are sleeping. Or maybe: But there are two who sleep during the day. What you've got sounds strange.

“I was just about to make a decision on that.”

Does not flow correctly with the previous question. Something like 'that's my doing' or along those lines fits better unless she's just going off on her own tangent and ignoring folks.

when I bring them back

send them back. Unless of course she's going with them to the parallel reality to study it or something in which case it's fine.

What could possible go wrong?

possibly go

Nothing else to comment on. Works well enough. Could use some more Ryoko wise-cracking but that's just my preference.
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Re: Sidestory - Altogether now

Postby Spokavriel » Sun Oct 24, 2010 7:17 am

I 'm sorry but I don't see Washu being DUMB enough to ask what could go wrong on this situation. Mihoshi is in the house. There are dozens of realities out of infinity to sort through and find. There are so many things that could go wrong I honestly can't see any reason she would tempt the fates to start tossing monkey wrenches for Mihoshi or worse to use on her invention.
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Re: Sidestory - Altogether now

Postby LawOhki » Sun Oct 24, 2010 7:53 am

Spokavriel wrote: I 'm sorry but I don't see Washu being DUMB enough to ask what could go wrong on this situation. Mihoshi is in the house. There are dozens of realities out of infinity to sort through and find. There are so many things that could go wrong I honestly can't see any reason she would tempt the fates to start tossing monkey wrenches for Mihoshi or worse to use on her invention.

That was Ryoko saying that.
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Re: Sidestory - Altogether now

Postby Spokavriel » Sun Oct 24, 2010 7:58 am

Sorry still waking up. Its 2 min to 6 AM here. I still don't think anyone would leave that alone if they have any experience with Ranma or Mihoshi.
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Re: Sidestory - Altogether now

Postby Wyrd » Sun Oct 24, 2010 9:37 am

LawOhki wrote:That was Ryoko saying that.


The way that line is written, it sounds like it is Washu saying it. There is an unclear antecedent issue here. Since the previous female to speak was Washu, it is reasonable to think that she is the 'she' you are referring to. Change that to Ryoko said and it is clear who you meant. I can see that everything seems to be written sort-of from the perspective of Ryoko, so that she is always the one being referred to when you say 'she,' but it really doesn't work for me.
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Re: Sidestory - Altogether now

Postby LawOhki » Sun Oct 24, 2010 9:16 pm

I have altered that to have the text say it was Ryoko. I'm debating on putting more in there with Ranma having some weird rationalization but I'm not sure. You'll notice that this Ranma is a little frantic and can't concentrate on things all that well. He's very reactionary and it's only after that he stops and thinks about what he's done.

-----

Snowfall on Gotham Ranma

“Please-- I just want sleep.” Ranma pleaded, struggling within the reinforced straight jacket at waking up after he had finally lost consciousness. How long had it been since he had been allowed sleep? A week? Two? Dr. Wheeler kept him locked up in a room without windows or anyway to tell the passing of time. The lights were always on, there were no windows, and he wasn’t even able to tell when the guards came and went.

“If you really want, but then you won’t find out where you are.” A pleasant sounding and slightly teasing female voice met his ears. She was even speaking in Japanese of all things.

‘What’s going on? Is he trying to mess with me now? Sending someone new in to torture me?’ Since he wouldn’t be getting anymore sleep if it was, he opened up his eyes to see a young red haired girl hovering over him.

“I’ll let you out of that if you tell me why you are in it?”

Examining his surroundings, it wasn’t anywhere he recognized, and it certainly wasn’t the isolation cell. It was very large, like a warehouse but a large forested area was behind him, and he was positioned on a futon along with several other forms on a platform extending out over something he couldn’t see. Behind him towards the trees was a door.

“So can you tell me why someone has locked you up? And don’t lie.” The red head asked, her voice sounding insistent.

His eyes darted side to side nervously one last time before answering. “They said I’m crazy and that-- that I needed help. Dr. Wheeler keeps me in this because he says I’m dangerous. But I’m not.” Left unsaid was that he wanted to know where he was. It was too obvious to put into words.

“I see.” The red head nodded. “Here’s the deal. My name is Hakubi Washu and this is part of my lab. I am the greatest scientific genius ever and one of my creations, the dimensional tuner, has accidently pulled you and several others from your realities to mine.”

“And they say I’m crazy.” Glancing down at his chest, he knew that underneath the special straight jacket was an orange jumpsuit that made him look like some kind of convict.

“I can assure you that nothing I said was crazy.” Washu knelt down next to him and started to undo the locks holding his straight jacket on with a weird key. “Now if you’re good I’ll make sure you get home safe and sound.”

“If you did make me change realities, I bet you could make me human again then.” He waited patiently for her to finish with the locks. All he had to do is wait for the ones holding his legs together and he could get out of here.

“Well I would need to run some tests and get some samples from your reality but.” Washu didn’t have time to finish before he was up and off towards the doorway that seemed very out of place. Passing through the door without a second thought, he came to an abrupt halt when everything suddenly changed. He was no longer in some weird warehouse but from the view out of the windows he had just exited a door underneath a flight of steps, and was now someplace in the mountains.

“Huh?” He asked himself before deciding that it didn’t matter, he was free of Dr. Wheeler, and that was all that he cared about. Ranma would get back at the bastard soon enough but ensuring his freedom came first.

“Hello.” A young girl with bright blue hair in two long pigtails greeted him.

“Hello.” He responded slowly.

“Would you like something to eat?” She asked while smiling pleasantly.

‘I am hungry.’ Taking several sniffs, he could smell some Japanese food, and he wondered if he really had gone crazy. Last he knew, he was locked up at Dr. Wheeler’s clinic just outside of Gotham in the states.

“Please, sit. Ranma-niichan is just waiting for everyone to wake up.” The girl grabbed his hand and lead him over to a low table where he was shocked to find two other versions of himself sitting. Taking a seat, he wrapped his tail around his legs.

“I think I really have gone nuts.” He said to himself. One of them was blond with cat ears and taking a few sniffs he guess that this other Ranma was also part cat. The other one was black haired like him but was otherwise human with the strong smell of trees hanging around him.

“So-- werecat?” The blond asked.

“No, spliced.” He answered, taking another look around the room and noticing that the style was very old. The clothing of both of his copies was also strange, one had a strange mix of traditional Japanese styling while the other had something that he couldn’t place.

“What does spliced mean?” The same Ranma asked.

“What does werecat mean?”

“I asked first.”

“I answered first.”

“I guess you did.” The blond admitted.

Ranma smiled at the inability for his subconscious to be able to outsmart him.

“I’m a werecat.” The other Ranma swiftly gained over a full head in height, fur, and flicking behind him was a tail. Ranma’s jaw dropped at the sudden change and was up and over next to the other Ranma in an instant. “Ya know I think I might just go around like this so it’s not a huge surprise.” The other Ranma said a bit nervously at his proximity.

‘I really hope I don’t want to look like this deep down.’ This whole thing had to be some sort of figment of his mind. Maybe this was the part of him that enjoyed being spliced while the other Ranma was his desire to be human again? He would like to return to Japan so that explained this home. But what was up with the two young girls? And why was this cat version of himself some kind of cheetah guy when he was spliced with a snow leopard?

“Your tail is so fluffy!” A bubbly female voice exclaimed excitedly and he suddenly found his extra appendage being grabbed by very strong arms.

“Lemme go!” He tried to pull free and was tripped up to fall on his back. Ranma could now see his attacker was a tall and attractive blonde woman with tan skin who had grabbed him. “And I’m not fluffy!” With a swift kick to her stomach, he sent the strange woman sliding into a nearby wall. Hissing under his breath, he clutched his tail protectively to his chest.

“Are you alright Mihoshi?” The blond Ranma asked. The woman had some tears at her eyes and she was whining but she nodded. Checking on the woman as the young blue haired girl who looked at him with disappointment. “You overreacted.” The werecat said sternly while narrowing his eyes.

“Maybe she won’t be grabbing people now.” A flicker of remorse made him regret what he had done before it was instantly squashed down. He had said to let him go and since she hadn’t, so she had brought it on herself.

“I think that’s enough out of you.” The red haired girl from earlier spoke up and he had no time to react before some green goo enveloped his body.

“What is this stuff?” He demanded angrily as it solidified into a bubble encasing his body up to his neck. Struggling against the material, the harder he pushed the harder it was to move.

“Looks like our visitor here isn’t exactly stable.” The girl ignored him to talk to the other occupants of the room.

“So? Everybody is a little off.” He defended himself by repeating something Ivy had said to him once.

“You’re on time out.” The red head said with such finality that he closed his mouth.
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Re: Sidestory - Altogether now

Postby Spokavriel » Sun Oct 24, 2010 9:30 pm

I think I just realized what I'm having trouble with in the main Gotham fic. Its not entirely the attitude but the shifts to it and Ranma's interactions has made it so he's someone I can only tolerate as a supporting character. He's too twitchy and well relatively unthinking for me to stomach him for long. Here's Hoping Washu can use the other Ranma's to make a base line and cure him. And maybe she can make his curse form a redhead ;)
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