Untitled Ranma oneshot

[Spokavriel]

Its just Ranma goes in and deals with the Chaos. But well between things seen as parts of Nerima. All the things that turn up related to Happosai the amazons and well China in general. I just find anyone seeing Ranma as a source of Chaos instead of someone (a baka) willingly running into the center of it a bit off. But its also fannon to see Nabiki as being particularly observant it still makes it so I think she'd have another take.

Not sure why I just thought I should explain my reasoning.

[stratagemini]

Nabiki's not particularly insightful or observant. She can't explain Ranma's curse to Kuno, she almost got Ranma sold into Slavery over a spending contest, She's rented out Ranma to the point where he was actively trying to take action against her. When Ranma comes about? she's pretty unobservant. also, Being illogical, there's no reason why she'd think that Ranma was the one solving things. Nabiki doesn't know everything about every event, in fact she's really only present for a few events. so the only things she can expect to know for certain is as follows: Weird stuff happens. Ranma's involved in pretty much all of it.

[LawOhki]

Nabiki's not particularly insightful or observant. She can't explain Ranma's curse to Kuno, she almost got Ranma sold into Slavery over a spending contest,

Two things.

She explained the curse in that way for the lulz.

She DID sell Ranma into slavery.

[frice2000]

I still don't think the opening paragraph fits with the quality of the rest of the story. I'd suggest again just remove it and frame the story with him in the sleeping bag. I mean if you have the setting in Japan and it lightly rains and thus he's wet and not female the readers will know this is in his past and you've got a better story. Having little idea what to expect and then the whimsicality and imagery would more then win out. If you must have the opening paragraph have them discussing a specific odd event and give some details on it.

[LawOhki]

I still don't think the opening paragraph fits with the quality of the rest of the story. I'd suggest again just remove it and frame the story with him in the sleeping bag. I mean if you have the setting in Japan and it lightly rains and thus he's wet and not female the readers will know this is in his past and you've got a better story. Having little idea what to expect and then the whimsicality and imagery would more then win out. If you must have the opening paragraph have them discussing a specific odd event and give some details on it.

Or have it as a flashback/dream that he wakes up at the end with Akane screaming at him or dousing him with water to get up, or have him wake up after being knocked out by some opponent, and going "Be careful what you wish for."

[Anchoku]

Nice story, Strat. It had the dreaminess of Mushi or Spirited Away.

You could name it something like "A Life of Adventure." I know that's obvious generic for a title but sometimes using a straightforward title has merits.

Great job!

Anchoku

[Spokavriel]

In this case maybe Ask and you shall receive would fit better.

[stratagemini]

Well, the cleaned up and finished version of this story is posted at FF.Net. Unfortunately it's not complete.

You remember when I called this a Oneshot? It seems that I was Wrong.

Here's Part 2. And there may be a Part 3 as well, who knows.

Part 2:

It would be two years next Monday. Two years since he left Nerima on a rainy Monday afternoon. He had planned to return but somehow it just hadn't happened. Life caught up with him, or maybe it was the other way around. Now it was two years later, and he was once more wandering about in the wilderness, living off the land as he had in his youth.

The sedentary lifestyle had gotten to him. He would wake up each night in the same place, every day come home to the same house. It was odd, but he thought he could deal with it at first. His life was never boring after all, each week there would be some new interesting adventure to embark on, some new cure, or a new challenger. He had thought he could deal with living in one place, at least as long as the adventures kept the boredom away.

It hadn't worked out. One day he gathered up his stuff, a brief training trip, maybe a week or two, that's all. He'd return after his wanderlust calmed down. It hadn't happened. He'd started hiking south, down towards Kyoto. He'd passed places he'd been before, shrines that looked different under the light of day, that he only half remembered.

The weather changed, the blistering heat of summer crept in and then vanished before he knew it as the leaves started to turn. He reached Kyoto as the leaves began to fall, He didn't have much money, a bit saved up here and there from odd jobs. It wasn't enough to tour the temple gardens, just enough for food, and maybe a warm bed on nights when the weather turned foul.

It was as he walked along the philosopher's path that day in the fall that he saw her for the first time. She wasn't really anything remarkable, just a girl with dark almost shoulder length hair. It wasn't her hair that drew his attention, it was in a simple style, two bangs in front of her ears, and a pony tail at the back of her head. Nor was it her mode of dress, it was a bit chilly for the pink shorts she was wearing, and the white t-shirt with the green collar and matching stripe across the chest really did nothing for her figure which was somewhat lanky and thin. He had seen better looking at himself in the mirror, though given what had happen the last time he had mentioned such to a girl, he wasn't about to bring that up.

He let her pass him by as he walked the small stone path next to the canal. The trees barely blocking out the view of the city surrounding him with their brilliant autumn shades. The water in the canal was shallow. The wind rustled the leaves around him. He had felt like this before. Relaxed. Calm. But it had been years ago and with time he had forgotten what calm was.

He watched as the girl walked in front of him, her sneaker-clad feet halting as she took a few moments to look at the old stone walls of the canal, admiring the fish in the water, and the occasional abundance of vegetation growing out from between the blocks. There was something about her. She was utterly unremarkable, but there was something, something he knew, something that he recognized in her. He wondered what her name was, but he had never been good at introductions.

She spoke, not to him, but to the water, as if she thought there was some life to it, some spirit in the small canal. The sound of the water covered her words, but he could see her lips moving, see the smile gracing her face as she talked intently to the water below. Not the fish in the water, but the water itself. It didn't strike him as odd, though he knew that others might see it that way. He had felt for years that nature was alive around him, not just the creatures and plants, but the rocks and trees and streams themselves. He had tried to explain it once, back in Nerima, when someone had asked him what he believed. They told him it was Shinto, that it was traditional, old fashioned. He wasn't sure he believed that. He'd never had formal schooling on the subject, and he rarely attended any religious ceremony. To call what he believed Shinto, it felt demeaning somehow, lessening, as someone could take the whole of nature and compress it into a single word. He wasn't sure he believed that. He had seen some strange things in his lifetime, but nothing that could really explain them all cohesively.

The girl was looking at him now, her dark eyes meeting his own blue pair. They stayed like that for a minute, then longer, looking into each others eyes before they were interrupted by an older woman walking by them on the path. The moment was broken and the girl turned to walk on while he stood still, looking anywhere but her direction, staring into the water, watching the plants and the rocks as she vanished into the leaves ahead.

That was almost a year ago.

It was spring now, the spring rain was light, almost a mist, and it gave the area an unearthly quality. He had hiked north again after that day in Kyoto, heading away from whatever he felt that day, wandering where his feet led him. He had avoided Tokyo on his way back, he circled around it, and in circling he had come to Nikko.

The sky was wide open as he passed through the town itself, the mountains ahead jutting up to the sky. They were clad in spring colors, browns and greens mostly, but every so often you could see the merest flash of color, as if from a single a flowering tree upon the mountain. He climbed uphill through the town walking through the narrow streets. He passed by a small shrine, a pair of stone Torii gates framing the entrance. Two guardian statues, stone lions, flanking the small black and gold shrine itself. He walked on. The shrine was pleasant to look at, but nothing special in and of itself. He had come to Nikko for a different experience.

He had heard about Nikko back in Nerima “You haven't lived until you've seen Nikko” one of his classmates had told him. But he hadn't had any pressing desire to go there until he wandered in on his own, aimlessly.

Now he had a destination, at least temporarily. He was headed for the mountain. The spring mist clung to his shirt like dew as he walked, out of the city and over a bridge into the cedar forest before him. He walked up the wide stone stairway towards the temples ahead. The sun was starting to sink past the horizon, the shrines would be closed soon, but that didn't really matter to Ranma, he didn't intend to go inside and visit, he wanted to walk through them. Walk past them deeper into the forest on the mountain ahead.

There were many people around him, most headed the other direction, but he felt alone in the sea of faces as he walked on. A troupe of small children dressed in bucket hats, probably on a school trip, passed to his left chattering excitedly about what they'd seen, but he let it wash over him. It wasn't important.

Night was falling as he passed the temples, their impressive vermillion towers and gates looming over him in the twilight. The crowds faded as he walked on, up higher on the mountain. He could see the gold lacquered buildings beyond the closed gates, the illustrations of fantastical creatures. Even in the last rays of the day they seemed to glimmer and move.

He strayed from the beaten path, walking up the mountain itself, feeling the soft loam beneath his feet as he hiked up the almost vertical incline behind the main shrines. He passes through the trees, each one towering above him, even the shortest of them stretched at least fifty feet before they reached the night sky overhead.

He thought he could see a light in the darkness ahead so he headed towards it. Night had fallen as he traveled and the forest surrounding him was pitch black and silent, save for that one light above him. He could make it out more clearly now it was a paper lantern, hanging from the branch of a cypress tree. And beneath the lantern, a blanket, and a girl.

He felt it again, the calm that rose up in his chest that autumn day in Kyoto among the leaves. It was the same girl.

She looked up at him as he approached and sat down, smiling hesitantly but not getting up or saying a word. He wondered what she was doing here, almost a year later sitting on a blanket in a forest in the middle of the night, what had brought her here. He didn't ask.

“Hello.” He said, slowly, as if tasting the word for the first time. She smiled and responded in kind, “Hello.”

“I'm Ranma.” he paused, wondering if he should add more, but it seemed like it was enough. She smiled at him and said a single word. A name. Her name. “Sen”

[Spokavriel]

“Hello.” He said, slowly, as if tasting the word for the first time. She smiled and responded in kind, “Hello.”

“I'm Ranma.” he paused, wondering if he should add more, but it seemed like it was enough. She smiled at him and said a single word. A name. Her name. “Sen”

Did you have to put her replies as part of the same line as his comments?

This second part was a brief. And it doesn't really say anything about how much time passed between thinking about the past and leaving Nerima. So although we know this is some time around the 2 years after leaving it could be only Kami know how many years since the start of the fiancée mess. Its nice but I'm not sure this second part is enough for a chapter yet.

[Dumbledork]

Nice addition, although it doesn't answer any of the questions the reader had after reading the first part. I wonder where you're going with this. Can't wait to find out.