MILF 2

[Tuisto]

Milf 1/2
Chapter: 2 (edited)
Strange meetings

- - - - - - -

The patriarch of the Tendo clan, was sat at the low tea table in the homes veranda, tears were streaming down his face as he stared at a post card that had just arrived in the mornings post depicting a Chinese giant panda, but what he really cared about was the message.
“At last, Saotome has arrived!” Soun exclaimed, than called out, “Girls, girls, family meeting!”

The eldest Tendo daughter, the matron of the house, Tendo Kasumi leaned out of the kitchen and called out, “just a few moments father!”

Soun then went wandering through the other rooms of the house to find his other children, he quickly found Nabiki in her room, reclining on her bed reading a graphic manga book, and said to her, “Nabiki, we're having a family meeting in a few minutes, and where is your sister?”

Nabiki took very little obvious interest in the news of the 'family meeting' and replied to her daddy's question, “I think Akane went out for a jog dad.” then she went back to finish reading her manga.

With that said and done, Soun turned and went back to the veranda, sat back at the low table and took a sip of his cooled tea thinking that today was going to be a very good day.

- - - - - - -

It should be noted at this point that no two actions occur in a vacuum.
There are in fact times where the Universe and (some would say) the System Force would act on a whim, a bit of serendipity to affect a key change in the lives of mere mortals.

The next few minutes in Nerima Japan would be witness to just such a monumental change.

- - - - - - -


The street was damp and slick from the earlier spring rain, the shoppers and vendors going about their everyday daily business when there was a throaty womans voice carried through the side street.

“Well, I think the whole thing stinks ol' man! I mean, trying to chose my fiancée for me, you must have some nerve!”

The speaker of the voice was revealed as she stepped out onto the main vendors street. She was a striking woman, probably in her early 30's with dark ruddy red hair tied up in a bun at the back of her head that had a short pony-tail to it that just barely brushed the nape of her neck. She was wearing an eccentric outfit for her robust bombshell figure, consisting of black Chinese slippers, blue short pants that showed her ankles and shapely calves, then there was her top, a partly opened red yukata top that showed an immense amount of cleavage tied off with a golden sash with tassels on its ends. The overall look was that of a confident and maybe slightly dangerous woman.

The effect of the everyday people on the street was profound.
The men stared on in lust, most not hearing or caring about her earlier statement of a 'fiancee'.
The women through glared with hatred in their burning eyes at the knockout woman that had grabbed so much male attention away from themselves. That trollop!

So much attention was in fact on the woman that the people barely even noticed the giant panda lumbering along out of the alley behind her, that then held up a sign that read; ^“Honor demands it boy!”^

The panda, who was in fact Genma Saotome in his cursed form then took a swipe at the women with his sign, she deftly avoided the sign.
Though he didn't press on an attack, he certainly wasn't intimidated by her, no way.
But he had learned to be cautious around Ranma now, oh sure, the physical resemblance to his long unseen wife who had a penchant for wielding a sword and unusual kinky ideas... naw, certainly not intimidated!

The woman just arched one red eyebrow and said calmly, too calmly, “Wanna' try that again ol' man?” she then took a very loose tiger stance.

Well, maybe he was a 'little' intimidated by her...

- - - - - - -

Akane couldn't believe what she was seeing, today she had decided to change her usual jogging route slightly and go through the shopping streets, not a huge change, just for a different sense of scenery.

But now here she was like most of the rest of the crowd, staring at the woman, obvious to Akane's “well trained eye” (chuckles) was a martial artist, as the woman faced off from a giant panda!

The scene, the crowd was treated to, was almost surreal at the panda leapt forward in a lunge. The woman jumped to the left and practically pirouetted in mid air to land behind the beast. Then she taunted the animal for being slow, as if the animal could understand her.

Surprisingly the panda did in fact respond. 'He must be her trained panda.' Akane thought to herself.

Akane then saw something that caused her inner martial artist to come to the fore, the woman had her back to the panda, the panda had used its immense strength to rip a road sign from the pavement, and was about to swing it like a club at the woman's head!

In that instant Akane sprinted through the crowed calling out, “Watch out!” to the woman.

Akane saw the woman turned to face her, brown eyes locked with blue before Akane felt a terrible impact to the back of her head, she wobbled unsteadily on her feet for a few seconds before her vision went blurry and she fell into darkness and began to collapse.

- - - - - - -

Ranma was crouched on the ground, cradling the girls head off of the pavement as she took a moment to glare at the unconscious lump that was now the panda. After Ranma had seen what Genma had done to an innocent bystander, she had quickly and mercilessly launched an blitz attack to knock the panda-man out, her fury was so great.

Ranma did notice though when the blue haired girls eyes opened slightly, she smiled as it looked like the girl was going to be okay. Ranma then asked, “It's okay dear, you've gotten a bit of a bump to the head. Do you know where you live? I can help you home.”
Akane could just groan slightly as she looked up, then her eyes fluttered closed a bit again.
'what a great lady.' was Akane's thought as she stared up at the worried face of the woman.
A good Samaritan in the crowd called out, “That's Akane Tendo! I know where she lives, here let me help you get her home.”

And with that Ranma and the unnamed shopkeeper pulled Akane to her feet, with only a “owie” from the girl, and they then half carried, half walked the girl home with the mans directions.

The panda was conveniently left behind.

- - - - - - -

“Hello! Anyone home?!” a womans voice called into the house from the front door.

Kasumi was the first to get to the door, and there she saw her sister being helped inside by a strange woman, it was obvious that Akane was hurt.

“Oh my, Akane, what happened?” Kasumi asked, very concerened as she rushed to help her sister and the unknown woman.

“Ah, Kasumi, I was stupid and got into this lady's fight, and then a panda clocked me from behind!” Akane whined, then winced as the woman and Kasumi helped Akane sit down in the tea room.

“A panda? How odd.” was Kasumi's questioning comment.

“Akane, it's no big deal, I said so earlier, ya' gotta' stop beatin' on yoursef, I'm just glad that you're alright. The ol' man is really strong, he musta' pulled the hit at tha' last second.” the woman said, and Kasumi internally winced at the womans rough speech.

Nabiki had in the meantime just come down the stairs still struggling to tie the obi to her kimono, and see what was going on.

Soun Tendo had also just come into the room, and approached the woman, and said, “Thank you miss for helping my daughter home safely. If there's anything I could do for you miss...” he trailed off waiting for her to introduce herself. Of course his eyes also darted down to her cleavage several times.

The woman gave a bit of a throaty laugh, scratched the back of her neck and said, “I'm Ranma Saotome, sorry 'bout that.”

Soun thought back to the post card he'd received earlier, 'bringing Ranma from China, Genma.' then he thought, 'She must be Genma's new wife...' before Soun's world went dark.



- - - - - - -

[Spokavriel]

The effect of the everyday people on the street was profound.
The men stared on in lust, most not hearing or caring about her earlier statement of a 'fiancee'.
The women through glared with hatred in their burning eyes at the knockout woman that had grabbed so much male attention away from themselves. That trollop!

Curious about the spacing here. You went to the next line instead of adding a line space. You also have a typo on though you added in an extra letter making it through.

Why are you using normal quotes for Panda speech? Have you given up on unique identifiers for those things?

But now here she was likely most of the rest of the crowd, staring at the woman, obvious to Akane's well trained eye (chuckles) was a martial artist, as the woman faced off from a giant panda!

like not likely. More extra letters sneaking in.

The scene the crowd was treated to wa almost surreal at the panda leapt forward in a lunge, that the woman jumped to the left and practically pirouetted in mid air to land behind the beast.

I think I'll just retype this bit.

The scene, the crowd was treated to, was almost surreal as the panda leapt forward in a lunge. The woman jumped to the left, practically pirouetting in mid air to land behind the beast.

I'd suggest making her reaction another sentence all together. Otherwise they are both the subject of the actions and that doesn't help the flow just muddles it.

Akane then saw something that caused her in martial artist to come to the fore, the woman had her back to the panda, the panda had used its immense strength to rip a road sign from the pavement, and was about to swing it like a club at the womans head!

I think you were going for her inner martial artist. You might want to make this more than one sentence. Also having the panda back to back you might want to replace the repetition with it. Woman's should also get its punctuation since it is her head.

Akane saw the woman turned to face her, brown eyes locked with blue before Akane felt a terrible pain to the back of her head, before her vision went blurry and she was taken into darkness.

Why and how did Akane feel the pain and pass out? If she got in the way then how did their eyes line up when getting in the way of an attack behind Ranma? Do you see the logistical problem in this sequence? Why would Akane get between a person and a threat to put her back to the threat? Even Kuno has more sense!

How did The Panda end up unconscious? What happened? Why is Genma, along with Akane, out cold?

The Good Samaritan line could use being spaced a bit better. But I pointed out that spacing might need work earlier.

Faceless man. I'd rather it be one of the unnamed shop keepers instead of faceless. Personal thing.

“Oh my, Akane what happened?”

This time only missing a comma after Akane too. Unless Kasumi is being discourteous enough to disallow the healthy people who helped her home a chance to explain. That doesn't mean Akane couldn't speak up but the extra pause makes it so in my mind others are free to answer as well.

“Akane, it's no big deal, I said so earlier, ya' gotta' stop beatin' on yoursef, I'm'a just glad that you're alright.

Kasumi's not the only one wincing. Where did you get the idea to use I'm'a like that? It barely works when its being used to affect an Italian accent! Suggestion go with I'm jus' Its still rough but at least it doesn't carry a completely wrong tone.

Fun addition. Still a bit short but its starting to look like that might end up a hallmark of this fic.

[Tuisto]

Thanks for the corrections!
I've actually been writing this, as here I sit in the lobby of a mechanics shop waiting for my car, so no surprise that I made so many errors.

As far as Akane and the panda, I thought it would be inferred that Genma struck Akane instead of Ranma, but I guess not. Then for Genma hitting a bystander, Ranma beat him silly. I'll add the actual scenes in there for it to make more sense.

[frice2000]

naw, certainly not!

Think you need to make what you are referring to slightly clearer here.

well trained eye (chuckles)

Put well trained inside of apostrophes if you want to make a sarcastic statement regarding her skills.

The she taunted the animal

The should be 'Then,'.

something that caused her in martial artist to come to the fore

'Something that caused the martial artist in her...' Think you had the wrong word order there.

felt a terrible pain

I think 'felt a terrible impact' would sound far better.

was taken into darkness

'fell into darkness.' Sounds slightly more sophisticated.

All in all a rather nice chapter. The introduction and it's affects on the story will be rather interesting. My one problem with it is Ranma's word choices. From the preview you posted I expected his speech to be more refined in his new cursed form so it's interesting to hear him still speak so poorly. Anyway looking forward to your next bit!

[Tuisto]

THANKS! I've made the noted corrections and reposted the chapter in the first post.

[Spokavriel]

Sorry came up with a slightly long list again including a couple corrections that seem to have gotten overlooked.

The women through glared with hatred in their burning eyes at the knockout

Missed a correction. You still have through where your sentence really wants you to get rid of that r for though.

I'm not sure why but I think single quotes making it seem like she thinks that way about her skill in noticing other martial artists. I don't think Akane would think sarcasticly about herself after all.

Surprisingly the panda did in fact respond.

One I missed on my first read through. "in fact" should be set off with commas.

the woman had her back to the panda, the panda had used

Still have that repeat on the panda. I still think you should replace the repeat with the word it.

I still fail to see the movements to allow Akane to get hit in the back of her head if she was able to make eye contact with Ranma.

Visualize this. No matter where Akane is Ranma is standing facing away from Genma. No matter the angle Akane Runs in, she is getting between Ranma and the threat since she gets hit. So how could she have ran into the path of an improvised bludgeon and presented her back to it at all? She'd have to, for the hit to be on that part of her head.

the unconscious lump that was now the panda.

Re-reading I think this could be phrased a little better. "the unconscious lump, that the panda now was." That makes it so the Panda became unconscious not a lump became the panda again.

Ranma did notice though when the blue haired girls eyes opened slightly, she smiled as it looked like the girl was going to be okay.

Is Ranma or the girl smiling?

Nabiki had in the meantime just come down the stairs still struggling to tie the obi to her kimono, and see what was going on.

Soun Tendo had also just come into the room, and approached the woman, and said,

Ranma had just said just and now both these actions have just in them. I think the one with Nabiki being lost would make it so it was less over used when it gets to Soun entering. I know its nitpicky but it is a bit over used here.

[Tornado Ninja Fan]

But now here she was like most of the rest of the crowd, staring at the woman, obvious to Akane's “well trained eye” (chuckles) was a martial artist, as the woman faced off from a giant panda!

Akane could see Ranma's ~1,000 punches against Mikado Sanzennin, something that no one else on the ice rink could claim, not even the female Martial Arts Figure Skater, so I would call Akane's eyes well-trained.

[Spokavriel]

Not claiming she isn't trained in observations. But she isn't shown as having enough experience to really be considered well trained. And really it shows her as the intermediate step between non martial artist and the NWC later on in that Ranma's hands after Amiguriken training vanish to her perceptions.

Edit: In this case I think its more of a case of anyone can see that Ranma went into a martial stance while she was thinking that it was her amazing observation skills that let her know it. The same skills that do oh so well at seeing Ryouga's bandana on P-chan.

[LawOhki]

The effect of the everyday people on the street was profound.
The men stared on in lust, most not hearing or caring about her earlier statement of a 'fiancee'.
The women through glared with hatred in their burning eyes at the knockout woman that had grabbed so much male attention away from themselves. That trollop!

“Akane, it's no big deal, I said so earlier, ya' gotta' stop beatin' on yoursef, I'm just glad that you're alright. The ol' man is really strong, he musta' pulled the hit at tha' last second.” the woman said, and Kasumi internally winced at the womans rough speech.

I ewwed out loud over both of these. The first because it's such a strong cliched and really unrealistic reaction that for some reason gets perpetuated. And the second one because if Ranma in female form is mentally different, WHY is she talking like such a retard? Canon Ranma rarely does that outside of some instances where he's worked up over something or is just waking up.

Akane could see Ranma's ~1,000 punches against Mikado Sanzennin, something that no one else on the ice rink could claim, not even the female Martial Arts Figure Skater, so I would call Akane's eyes well-trained.

It was 518, and Mikado was giving it to Ranma as well, so their comments could simply be that they believed he had given better than he got, while Akane realized that Mikado was out of it and wasn't just posing, not that she was the only one to see Ranma hit Mikado. And even in the anime the two were at it for a good deal of time so it wasn't amaguriken speed.

[ckosacranoid]

i am looking forward to much more of this series cause this is going to very funny though....

[Sunshine Temple]

The woman gave a bit of a throaty laugh, scratched the back of her neck and said, “I'm Ranma Saotome, sorry 'bout that.”


Soun thought back to the post card he'd received earlier, 'bringing Ranma from China, Genma.' then he thought, 'She must be Genma's new wife...' before Soun's world went dark.

[This got me. I like the little details like her laugh style.

[Interesting design on the clothing. It shows the type of older, playful woman while also being unisex enough to work as male.

[I have to agree with Law. The contractions in Ranma's speech are a bit much. Especially with all the effects.

[When in doubt simply don't do them. Just use non-accented speech patterns. They're very easy to overdo.

[borgrabbit]

The fact that Ranma has striae gravidarum implies either obesity or pregnancy in the past. Wouldn't it be wild if Ranma had a ten year old child appear every time she was splashed. Would ranma choose to stay cursed because of a life magically dependent on her for existence. An idea for another story perhaps. Heh.

[Tuisto]

That was actually a sort of the same thing to an idea I had, of "Spring of drowned girl giving birth"
Somewhere on this site is the thread about it, but in a nutshell it had Ranma turning into a girl right in the middle of labor with every splash of cold water. If hot water didn't change her back to a male in time. SURPRISE! Here's a baby!
Just imagine a very tired looking Ranma-chan pushing a custom stroller with 6 or 7 little babies. Then her having a freaking terror to hot water, knowing that if SHE was to become a HE, then HE would get splashed again into a SHE, then there would be another baby.



Gosh I have a sick mind.

[Spokavriel]

Sick as it may be I think that curse might be one to place on a Fannon Nodoka. Seeing how she is so obsessed with babies.

[borgrabbit]

Yeah. After giving birth a dozen times, Nodoka might have a paradigm shift. My postulation was a ten year old that disappeared with hot water, 'absorbed' back into Ranma. What if the child remembered its soul returning to heaven and was traumatized a la Buffy Summers (BTVS) when she died in the hell god arc.
Anyway, you've got a good story concept already and I'm curious to see if Akane goes nuclear over a perceived betrayal.
Maybe Ranma could pose as a teacher at school.
Could she convince Nodoka that she was her long lost twin? Hee hee.