The Return 21 Restoration and Regret Part 1

[Sunshine Temple]

Here's the next chapter of the Return

Chapter 21 Restoration and Regret Part 1

Link

Go and read.

[PCHeintz72]

Heh... you confused me with the indirect link. Normally it is a direct one and can just click and download.

Will read and comment sometime soon.

[Spokavriel]

V2b

If anyone's to blame it's that stubby zampolit that hovered about him.

Not sure if that zampolit is supposed to be a term in another language or a name that missed capitalization but I figured it wouldn't hurt to point it out and ask which it is.

If the attack had happened earlier earlier, you would all still be in combat mode.

Would that have been any earlier before an edit?

Wow that's the least I found so far. Really good chapter. Although I do wish Sunny could have taken her friends out to see a flight training session before it ended.

I do wonder exactly what Setsuna is and what Mina has become. Well back to looking forward to what happens next.

Wow first comment aside from someone saying they would do so later. Don't usually get in this early.

[PCHeintz72]

Yay... been looking forward to this one being updated.

"Magical girls? With the silly speeches and creepy fan-service uniforms?

Missing final quote

Ranma blinked. Sometimes, her friends could be pretty weird.

That is a definate.

One minor thing with this bouncing discussion. Why can Ranma not fly? Done it before at the house.

What take advantage of things? Help things get more secure? Make some "Totalitarianism With A Smiley Face'?" Galina tiredly asked.

Comma after the first what.

Galina took a sip. "His loyalty to what? The Party? The Motherland? The Politburo? International Worker Solidarity? The Glorious Future?"

I happened to notice the indent on this line seemed off from all the others.

Setsuna raised an eyebrow. "To? Ranma? The Company?"

Since seems spaced wrong, how about: "To Ranma... or should we call the company instead?"

However... considering the content of the conversation between Ranma and Setsuna, the contract Setsuna has would be with Ranma, who is on retainer to the company. From a business standpoint, and Setsunas objections at the time, calling the company would seem unlikely. They would have to go through Ranma.

"They jammed us? What do we do?" Orion asked, wondering which self-destruct system they would have to use.

So, it is no longer a standard residential house.

The blue-haired woman allowed herself a slight smile.

It would seem Mercury and Orion, based on her comment following, still fears Ranma and group far more than Senshi.

"Oh, yes," Mercury laughed as she locked down the interior compartments of the house. "Our Queen's trying to prove she can fight with the big girls."

This line, taken in context to what is supposedly occuring, seems to not fit, as were that the case, would Usagi not be trying this alone? You might need a bit more explanation.

However, an explanation bugs me, as for a raid this seems oddly drawn out.

Across from them Virgo grinned. "Outsider-girl has gotten better," she said after blocking a bolt of lightning with one of her swords.

Either the sword is not metal, or is proofed against conducting lightning.

I know why you really, came

Line gave me pause the way worded, how about: "I know why you really came." or "I know why you came, really."

"What happened to you?" Mars asked as she led in a couple medics and agents. The armed men and demons rushed to the side door and entered it.
"You girls can smell that, right?"
"The rotten vegetable stuff?" Rei asked as she helped Jupiter onto a litter.

This seems wrong coming from Rei, who was in the room with them. If you want this scne, would it not make more sense someone else state it, such as one of Ranma's brood?

"We think she slipped into some tunnels under the building,"

Ehhh... in a standard residential house? As was described previously. Maybe if she made them.

She stared at it and looked around the floor. For some reason, the pounds and pounds of golden ooze and armor had just vanished.

A shame, bet WIC would have wanted to see it.

Sailor Pluto looked around and noticed the smoke curling around various book cases, electrical equipment.

Did I miss why a self destruct she installed would not work? Seems like it might be a deliberate ploy.

"No reading," Gabriel said as he pointed to his scanner. Technically he was picking up several Pattern Silvers and Pattern D's, including one standing before him, but nothing of their quarry.

Ah ha... proof they are not silvers... so at a minimum, Eve cannot or has not yet attempted, to transmit the ability to her own brood. Considering the importance WIC places on the pattern silvers, it is unlikely but not impossible she has not yet tried.

As Setsuna lurched out of the building, she grabbed onto the door handle of the brownstone.

On a note, this makes me wonder if there is not more to that gas Mercury released in regards to Pluto than is known. A deleyed effect, on Setsuna of all, would devistate the scouts. As much trouble as Pluto has been, she is th only one truly holding them together, and their only internal source of training.

impacted with a blue-grey lance that seemed to strike down from the heavens. For half a second, the energy beam burned through several dozen of the spheres before it winked out of existence.

A lance to me implies a physical object, but would seem here it is more of a continuous beam than a lance.

In one of the stairwells of the targeted building, Ranma stopped to listen to her earpiece. "Gotcha," she said, briefly pausing in her ascent. The other stairwell was watched by two of her spawn, and the elevators were held in the lobby by a squad of agents while Ukyou and Misako waited just inside the lobby.

Been waiting for an appearance... must have been in reserve.

Mercury gave a slight chuckle absent of joy or hope. "Our mission remains. Our queen's always been in danger. Setsuna's been playing us all from..." Her mind flashed to the observation room, buried deep under that Lunar complex. The secret had to be that old. "Back to the previous Queen." Mercury gasped. "There's been a monster in the house of Serenity since the start."

Interesting if true, and explains a few odd things on Setsuna that were hangin, but also puts a slant on Setsuna's reaction to the gas. I have to wonder how Ranma would have reacted to that attack.

Eve inhaled and blinked her eyes rapidly. Briefly freeing a hand to wipe, she turned to Ranma landed "How do you do it?"

First, 'she turned to Ranma landed' s/b 'she turned as Ranma landed'

Also, this can be interpreted a couple different ways. Did she mean dealing with the feeding, dealing with the protect instinct, or deal with the emotional backlash against the bond.

Eve groaned. Her mouth moved and she felt her jaw shift as it opened wider than ever before and her teeth sharpened, adding more fangs. She had seen Ranma feed this way before, and had briefly wondered about it. Before her mouth closed, she stuck her tongue out and was surprised it was able to reach to Ranma, who had reached out and was gently rubbing her horns, which felt more sensitive, curved and a bit larger.

This bothered me, after the incident with Akane, I would have thought Ranma would not willingly do anything with the horns.

A dark violet four-pointed star flared into existence on Ranma's forehead and was followed by a similar mark emerging on Eve and her spawn's heads. As the flare died down leaving the purple marks, more power flowed into the demons. Eve purred again and found herself drifting off into bliss.

Hmmm... so since the marks formed, was that pattern silver energy transfered to them, or something else? If so... it negates the earlier comment and proves it simply was not done yet.

I do have to say though... this further transformation seems a bit wrong to me. Ranma had been going on about demons having a choice, and while I did not look it up, I believe the form Eve had when becoming a succubus was one she had chosen. In effect, Ranma has overridden that choice.

"Helping hunt down the person that did this," Akane shouted.

Ehhh... why shout?

"These were humans. Heavily modified with cybernetics, but still human,"

It is interesting to me they were cyborgs, but creates some issues. It is almost like the issues in Ghost in the Shell. If these were humans, then based on their comments while alive, their brains were modified to either work like computers, or to interface with computers for data manipulation. Just where do you draw the line at cyborg, and android...

Setsuna and Minako discussion

Now this is a nice twist. Timing for dropping it on the readers is good too.

Nice addition... Look forward to more.

Wow first comment aside from someone saying they would do so later. Don't usually get in this earlyWow first comment aside from someone saying they would do so later. Don't usually get in this early

Had company over... could not break at first, but wanted to aknowledge seeing it and noting the oddity of the link. Oh well.

[Sunshine Temple]

Spokavriel

V2b

If anyone's to blame it's that stubby zampolit that hovered about him.

Not sure if that zampolit is supposed to be a term in another language or a name that missed capitalization but I figured it wouldn't hurt to point it out and ask which it is.

[A zampolit is a political officer. I'll make it clearer

If the attack had happened earlier earlier, you would all still be in combat mode.

Would that have been any earlier before an edit?

[yup. Duplicate word.

Wow that's the least I found so far. Really good chapter. Although I do wish Sunny could have taken her friends out to see a flight training session before it ended.

[Thanks, glad you liked it.

I do wonder exactly what Setsuna is and what Mina has become. Well back to looking forward to what happens next.

[Heh. I can't reveal everything.

Wow first comment aside from someone saying they would do so later. Don't usually get in this early.

PCHeintz72

Yay... been looking forward to this one being updated.

[excellent.

"Magical girls? With the silly speeches and creepy fan-service uniforms?

Missing final quote

[Got it.

Ranma blinked. Sometimes, her friends could be pretty weird.

That is a definate.
[very true

One minor thing with this bouncing discussion. Why can Ranma not fly? Done it before at the house.

[AH yes, try this addition
[[
"And let me tell you, reincarnation... it sucks." Ranma leaned back, and looked up at the sky. Part of her wanted to fly; it would be neat to show her friends that... but she was trying to limit the time spent in the air at her house. The neighbors had started to... comment.
]]

What take advantage of things? Help things get more secure? Make some "Totalitarianism With A Smiley Face'?" Galina tiredly asked.

Comma after the first what.

[ok

Galina took a sip. "His loyalty to what? The Party? The Motherland? The Politburo? International Worker Solidarity? The Glorious Future?"

I happened to notice the indent on this line seemed off from all the others.

[strange

Setsuna raised an eyebrow. "To? Ranma? The Company?"

Since seems spaced wrong, how about: "To Ranma... or should we call the company instead?"

However... considering the content of the conversation between Ranma and Setsuna, the contract Setsuna has would be with Ranma, who is on retainer to the company. From a business standpoint, and Setsunas objections at the time, calling the company would seem unlikely. They would have to go through Ranma.

[Not really, Ranma has WIC as her "business" contact

"They jammed us? What do we do?" Orion asked, wondering which self-destruct system they would have to use.

So, it is no longer a standard residential house.

[Indeed.

The blue-haired woman allowed herself a slight smile.

It would seem Mercury and Orion, based on her comment following, still fears Ranma and group far more than Senshi.

[With ample justification.

"Oh, yes," Mercury laughed as she locked down the interior compartments of the house. "Our Queen's trying to prove she can fight with the big girls."

This line, taken in context to what is supposedly occuring, seems to not fit, as were that the case, would Usagi not be trying this alone? You might need a bit more explanation.
[Hmm... I guess it's that Usagi is heading this.

However, an explanation bugs me, as for a raid this seems oddly drawn out.
[Which part is drawn out?

Across from them Virgo grinned. "Outsider-girl has gotten better," she said after blocking a bolt of lightning with one of her swords.

Either the sword is not metal, or is proofed against conducting lightning.

[[
Across from them Virgo grinned. "Outsider-girl has gotten better," she said after grounding a bolt of lightning with one of her swords which then absorbed the energy.
]]
[Better?

I know why you really, came

Line gave me pause the way worded, how about: "I know why you really came." or "I know why you came, really."

[first one works better.

"What happened to you?" Mars asked as she led in a couple medics and agents. The armed men and demons rushed to the side door and entered it.
"You girls can smell that, right?"
"The rotten vegetable stuff?" Rei asked as she helped Jupiter onto a litter.

This seems wrong coming from Rei, who was in the room with them. If you want this scne, would it not make more sense someone else state it, such as one of Ranma's brood?

[How does it seem wrong?

[[
"The rotten vegetable stuff? Of course."
]]
[Better?

"We think she slipped into some tunnels under the building,"

Ehhh... in a standard residential house? As was described previously. Maybe if she made them.
[It's Mistress Mercury, and inside a city.
[Is it really that far fetched?

[[
"We think she slipped into some tunnels under the building. It looks like she dug into the access conduits under the streets,"
]]

She stared at it and looked around the floor. For some reason, the pounds and pounds of golden ooze and armor had just vanished.

A shame, bet WIC would have wanted to see it.
[Indeed.

Sailor Pluto looked around and noticed the smoke curling around various book cases, electrical equipment.

Did I miss why a self destruct she installed would not work? Seems like it might be a deliberate ploy.
[Uh... she has multiple ones. This one just took out the data.

"No reading," Gabriel said as he pointed to his scanner. Technically he was picking up several Pattern Silvers and Pattern D's, including one standing before him, but nothing of their quarry.

Ah ha... proof they are not silvers... so at a minimum, Eve cannot or has not yet attempted, to transmit the ability to her own brood. Considering the importance WIC places on the pattern silvers, it is unlikely but not impossible she has not yet tried.
[It can also be that Eve herself doesn't have the power.

As Setsuna lurched out of the building, she grabbed onto the door handle of the brownstone.

On a note, this makes me wonder if there is not more to that gas Mercury released in regards to Pluto than is known. A deleyed effect, on Setsuna of all, would devistate the scouts. As much trouble as Pluto has been, she is th only one truly holding them together, and their only internal source of training.

[Yes, Setsuna is vital. If something were to happen to her...

impacted with a blue-grey lance that seemed to strike down from the heavens. For half a second, the energy beam burned through several dozen of the spheres before it winked out of existence.

A lance to me implies a physical object, but would seem here it is more of a continuous beam than a lance.

[Lance is just a metaphor here, as it's lance-shaped

In one of the stairwells of the targeted building, Ranma stopped to listen to her earpiece. "Gotcha," she said, briefly pausing in her ascent. The other stairwell was watched by two of her spawn, and the elevators were held in the lobby by a squad of agents while Ukyou and Misako waited just inside the lobby.

Been waiting for an appearance... must have been in reserve.

[Yes.

Mercury gave a slight chuckle absent of joy or hope. "Our mission remains. Our queen's always been in danger. Setsuna's been playing us all from..." Her mind flashed to the observation room, buried deep under that Lunar complex. The secret had to be that old. "Back to the previous Queen." Mercury gasped. "There's been a monster in the house of Serenity since the start."

Interesting if true, and explains a few odd things on Setsuna that were hangin, but also puts a slant on Setsuna's reaction to the gas. I have to wonder how Ranma would have reacted to that attack.

[That depends on exactly what Setsuna sis.

Eve inhaled and blinked her eyes rapidly. Briefly freeing a hand to wipe, she turned to Ranma landed "How do you do it?"

First, 'she turned to Ranma landed' s/b 'she turned as Ranma landed'
[okay

Also, this can be interpreted a couple different ways. Did she mean dealing with the feeding, dealing with the protect instinct, or deal with the emotional backlash against the bond.
[Yes it does

Eve groaned. Her mouth moved and she felt her jaw shift as it opened wider than ever before and her teeth sharpened, adding more fangs. She had seen Ranma feed this way before, and had briefly wondered about it. Before her mouth closed, she stuck her tongue out and was surprised it was able to reach to Ranma, who had reached out and was gently rubbing her horns, which felt more sensitive, curved and a bit larger.

This bothered me, after the incident with Akane, I would have thought Ranma would not willingly do anything with the horns.
[Using the horns to control is bad, but using the horns on a peer for mutual pleasure isn't bad.

A dark violet four-pointed star flared into existence on Ranma's forehead and was followed by a similar mark emerging on Eve and her spawn's heads. As the flare died down leaving the purple marks, more power flowed into the demons. Eve purred again and found herself drifting off into bliss.

Hmmm... so since the marks formed, was that pattern silver energy transfered to them, or something else? If so... it negates the earlier comment and proves it simply was not done yet.
[Indeed, just wasn't done yet.

I do have to say though... this further transformation seems a bit wrong to me. Ranma had been going on about demons having a choice, and while I did not look it up, I believe the form Eve had when becoming a succubus was one she had chosen. In effect, Ranma has overridden that choice.

[Pardon?
[How is this not Eve's choice again?

"Helping hunt down the person that did this," Akane shouted.

Ehhh... why shout?

[Akane was on the other side of the commissary.

"These were humans. Heavily modified with cybernetics, but still human,"

It is interesting to me they were cyborgs, but creates some issues. It is almost like the issues in Ghost in the Shell. If these were humans, then based on their comments while alive, their brains were modified to either work like computers, or to interface with computers for data manipulation. Just where do you draw the line at cyborg, and android...

[Traditionally androids are fully artificial.
[Where a cyborg has some organic components.

[Though what issues? Given how all the players act.

Setsuna and Minako discussion

Now this is a nice twist. Timing for dropping it on the readers is good too.
[Thanks. Do want to move more on that issue.

Nice addition... Look forward to more.
[thank you.

Wow first comment aside from someone saying they would do so later. Don't usually get in this earlyWow first comment aside from someone saying they would do so later. Don't usually get in this early

Had company over... could not break at first, but wanted to aknowledge seeing it and noting the oddity of the link. Oh well.

[Heh. It's not a race ;p

[Thanks for the comments guys. Will be going up in the next version.

[PCHeintz72]

However, an explanation bugs me, as for a raid this seems oddly drawn out.
[Which part is drawn out?

The fact that the whole time the lower levels of the house are raided... Mercury and the others are commenting while standing in middle of room. This does prove she still has not fully grasped tactics. But then. It was Usagi after them, not Ranma, so she lived anyway. Mercury does not strike as being that cool with explosions going on around her, even if the stance can be relaxed as it is Usagi and company entering and not others (like Ranma, which would cause a quaking in the boots effeect).

Come to think of it, while the defenses worked and they got away, what did she really think would happen were it Ranma. Realistically, the more direct approach would have gotten them nailed. You did have a comment on how were it handled the way Ranma and WIC wanted, they could have ended this that day.

This seems wrong coming from Rei, who was in the room with them. If you want this scne, would it not make more sense someone else state it, such as one of Ranma's brood?
[How does it seem wrong?

Rei, when coming back into the room, acted like she was not there the entire time and had no clue. At least, that was how I viewed it. Now, had that been a member of WIC or Eves brood, that attitude would make more sense. Perhaps I merely read too much into it.

Did I miss why a self destruct she installed would not work? Seems like it might be a deliberate ploy.
[Uh... she has multiple ones. This one just took out the data.

Ah... rereading it, I see where I missed that. Could you make that a bit clearer, or is it not worth it.

A lance to me implies a physical object, but would seem here it is more of a continuous beam than a lance.
[Lance is just a metaphor here, as it's lance-shaped

But then, would not any beam weapon be like a lance. Sorry... the word simply made no sense to me. leave or change it at your discretion.

I do have to say though... this further transformation seems a bit wrong to me. Ranma had been going on about demons having a choice, and while I did not look it up, I believe the form Eve had when becoming a succubus was one she had chosen. In effect, Ranma has overridden that choice.
[Pardon?
[How is this not Eve's choice again?

Ehhh... I read and interpreted that as being Ranma feeding energy into her without prior discussion. During alll prior such instances, either there was a full discussion on it (like Eve''s initial trasformation), or the life of the person was at stake (like Nariko). It seemed an odd divergence, and sat the wrong way when reading it. Even if Eve were willing, why would Ranma do it at that immediate point, and how whould Ranma know to do so. I would have thought maybe perhaps in more controled circumstances, like back at base. Or Eve's house (by the way, I'd have to look back, but can recall no mention on how that situation is going).

[Sunshine Temple]

However, an explanation bugs me, as for a raid this seems oddly drawn out.
[Which part is drawn out?

The fact that the whole time the lower levels of the house are raided... Mercury and the others are commenting while standing in middle of room. This does prove she still has not fully grasped tactics. But then. It was Usagi after them, not Ranma, so she lived anyway. Mercury does not strike as being that cool with explosions going on around her, even if the stance can be relaxed as it is Usagi and company entering and not others (like Ranma, which would cause a quaking in the boots effeect).

[Mercury is a bit of a poser. She doesn't quite get it like the brood and WIC do.

Come to think of it, while the defenses worked and they got away, what did she really think would happen were it Ranma. Realistically, the more direct approach would have gotten them nailed. You did have a comment on how were it handled the way Ranma and WIC wanted, they could have ended this that day.

[Indeed. And that's why Mercury was less worried when it got that way.

This seems wrong coming from Rei, who was in the room with them. If you want this scne, would it not make more sense someone else state it, such as one of Ranma's brood?
[How does it seem wrong?

Rei, when coming back into the room, acted like she was not there the entire time and had no clue. At least, that was how I viewed it. Now, had that been a member of WIC or Eves brood, that attitude would make more sense. Perhaps I merely read too much into it.

[Huh. Yeah, I didn't intend that.
[I had someone who just got into the room ask someone who had been in the room if they smelled that too.

Did I miss why a self destruct she installed would not work? Seems like it might be a deliberate ploy.
[Uh... she has multiple ones. This one just took out the data.

Ah... rereading it, I see where I missed that. Could you make that a bit clearer, or is it not worth it.

[Setsuna comes out and says it a few paragraphs later.

[[
Sailor Pluto shook her head as she poked some of the melted slag. "I doubt it. She doesn't want us dead, but she wouldn't want us to have her data. Though I would check for charges. Ami strikes me as the kind of person to have multiple self-destructs for her lair."
]]

A lance to me implies a physical object, but would seem here it is more of a continuous beam than a lance.
[Lance is just a metaphor here, as it's lance-shaped

But then, would not any beam weapon be like a lance. Sorry... the word simply made no sense to me. leave or change it at your discretion.

[Was trying to be a bit more poetic.

I do have to say though... this further transformation seems a bit wrong to me. Ranma had been going on about demons having a choice, and while I did not look it up, I believe the form Eve had when becoming a succubus was one she had chosen. In effect, Ranma has overridden that choice.
[Pardon?
[How is this not Eve's choice again?

Ehhh... I read and interpreted that as being Ranma feeding energy into her without prior discussion. During alll prior such instances, either there was a full discussion on it (like Eve''s initial trasformation), or the life of the person was at stake (like Nariko). It seemed an odd divergence, and sat the wrong way when reading it. Even if Eve were willing, why would Ranma do it at that immediate point, and how whould Ranma know to do so. I would have thought maybe perhaps in more controled circumstances, like back at base.

[Turning someone is a lot bigger than taking someone already turned and giving them more power.
[And feeding energy is done all the time succubae.
[Ranma just felt now that Eve was ready for more.

Or Eve's house (by the way, I'd have to look back, but can recall no mention on how that situation is going).

[Ahh that's a good point. I have plans for that in the next chapter but maybe it should be mentioned in this one.

[Climhazard]

These russian cyborgs feel kinda strained to me... They too overzealous. All this "capitalist demon", "capitalist pigs" and other word like this make them... pretty unbelivible, IMO. Even if they a Old Comunists, it still seems pretty stupid. Too clishe. Epecially so if they part of Soviet Secret Services.

[PCHeintz72]

These russian cyborgs feel kinda strained to me... They too overzealous. All this "capitalist demon", "capitalist pigs" and other word like this make them... pretty unbelivible, IMO. Even if they a Old Comunists, it still seems pretty stupid. Too clishe. Epecially so if they part of Soviet Secret Services.

That caught my eye as well. But I dismissed it without commenting. The reason was I figured if these cyborgs have their brains tapped into with programmed computer equipment, then they are open to other programming than that needed. Thus is they were programmed by them, they would almost become comical parodies of the believer in the state, that being of Russia.

[Spokavriel]

Now I get to do some comments on comments. I'll probably be re-reading after a couple revisions. I really missed allot so it's clear I still need more sleep.

[It's Mistress Mercury, and inside a city.
[Is it really that far fetched?

[[
"We think she slipped into some tunnels under the building. It looks like she dug into the access conduits under the streets,"
]]

It's a lair where she knew she was going to be experimenting on people. Having low profile escape routes is kinda manditory. To get away from not just enemies but experiments if things go wrong.

I do have to say though... this further transformation seems a bit wrong to me. Ranma had been going on about demons having a choice, and while I did not look it up, I believe the form Eve had when becoming a succubus was one she had chosen. In effect, Ranma has overridden that choice.

[Pardon?
[How is this not Eve's choice again?

I think it comes down to the horn contact. It hasn't been shown that someone can have free will while their horns are being tended to.

But then, would not any beam weapon be like a lance. Sorry... the word simply made no sense to me. leave or change it at your discretion.

[Was trying to be a bit more poetic.

Not not every energy weapon would have a lance of light. Many have spheres of energy instead of beams. Some even have continuous beams making it look like it's a true lance still being held by the warrior as it pierces their oponent. I don't see why someone would want to have a weapon like that as a sniper because it would always be pointing the entire length to their location.

[Cheb]

came in when. a pair of their secondary targets
while silvery armor breast plate and skirting shimmered in the reflection. Armor plating for her chest and pleated skirt shimmered in the reflection.
t was longer than the diminutive and redheaded, succubus was tall.

...it goes on and on but it's still as interesting at it was at the start. Even more.

On the technical side: shouldn't the cyborgs be old and rusty now? They were made no later than the late 80-s - practically 20 years ago. This makes me wonder who hosts them and provides the maintenance... Hmm...

[Sunshine Temple]

Climhazard
These russian cyborgs feel kinda strained to me... They too overzealous. All this "capitalist demon", "capitalist pigs" and other word like this make them... pretty unbelivible, IMO. Even if they a Old Comunists, it still seems pretty stupid. Too clishe. Epecially so if they part of Soviet Secret Services.

PCHeintz72
That caught my eye as well. But I dismissed it without commenting. The reason was I figured if these cyborgs have their brains tapped into with programmed computer equipment, then they are open to other programming than that needed. Thus is they were programmed by them, they would almost become comical parodies of the believer in the state, that being of Russia.

[That's correct. They had their beliefs downloaded into them. They were made into "good little communists"
[Now much of their bitterness comes from being betrayed by the very state they were built to defend. This is why most of their bitterness is at the State for failing to live up to its ideals.

[Also it wasn't a capitalist pig, it was a checha pig. The Checha were the precursor to the KGB. And in general the Soviet Military thought that the KGB was a bunch of unaccountable, power hungry bastards. So that instance isnt' overzealous.

[Also capitalist demon... that's not an exaggeration.

[The Soviet Cyborgs are also being pure capitalistic mercenaries.
[So that's gonna have them more bitter too. But again most of their rage is at the state that betrayed them and forced them into this low position.
[Their programming is telling them one thing, but reality is telling them another.


Cheb

came in when. a pair of their secondary targets
while silvery armor breast plate and skirting shimmered in the reflection. Armor plating for her chest and pleated skirt shimmered in the reflection.
t was longer than the diminutive and redheaded, succubus was tall.
[made the corrections will put up the revised chapter shrotly

...it goes on and on but it's still as interesting at it was at the start. Even more.
[Oh? Corrections or the story itself?

On the technical side: shouldn't the cyborgs be old and rusty now? They were made no later than the late 80-s - practically 20 years ago. This makes me wonder who hosts them and provides the maintenance... Hmm...
[That's a good question.
[A few things to think about there.
[1 They take on these assassination missions to get money
[2 The conversation about Ivanova and checking her out
[3 And the snide comment about her core outlasting the rest of her

Spokavriel


Now I get to do some comments on comments. I'll probably be re-reading after a couple revisions. I really missed allot so it's clear I still need more sleep.
[When sleep deprived does cause a lot to be missed.

[It's Mistress Mercury, and inside a city.
[Is it really that far fetched?

[[
"We think she slipped into some tunnels under the building. It looks like she dug into the access conduits under the streets,"
]]

It's a lair where she knew she was going to be experimenting on people. Having low profile escape routes is kinda manditory. To get away from not just enemies but experiments if things go wrong.

[Exactly.

I do have to say though... this further transformation seems a bit wrong to me. Ranma had been going on about demons having a choice, and while I did not look it up, I believe the form Eve had when becoming a succubus was one she had chosen. In effect, Ranma has overridden that choice.

[Pardon?
[How is this not Eve's choice again?

I think it comes down to the horn contact. It hasn't been shown that someone can have free will while their horns are being tended to.
[Yes it has. Akane and Nariko play with each other's horns.
[Though the dependence there is that it's between too peers.
[Maybe if Eve returns and uses Ranma's horns it would be better?

But then, would not any beam weapon be like a lance. Sorry... the word simply made no sense to me. leave or change it at your discretion.

[Was trying to be a bit more poetic.

Not not every energy weapon would have a lance of light. Many have spheres of energy instead of beams. Some even have continuous beams making it look like it's a true lance still being held by the warrior as it pierces their oponent. I don't see why someone would want to have a weapon like that as a sniper because it would always be pointing the entire length to their location.
[....
[Not literal.
[Yes, it wasn't a very good sniper weapon.
[That's part of how Morgan beat her.
[These combat cyborgs have been sourced from Nanoha StrikerS with weapons and powers. I've made some changes, but the insanity of a sniper being so... obvious. Struck me.
[It's really less of a sniper weapon and more of direct fire artillery support.

[Cheb]

Corrections or the story itself?

The story itself
To be honest I was posting without seeing the others' comments.

2 The conversation about Ivanova and checking her out

Damn. I can't believe I actually *missed* these few paragraphs. Completely.
Probably some glitch of my brain that filtered it out as "already read before" (like I knew the previous scene from the previous pre-reading)

[Sunshine Temple]

Cheb

Corrections or the story itself?

The story itself
To be honest I was posting without seeing the others' comments.
[Heh. That's fine. Glad that the story is still going good.

2 The conversation about Ivanova and checking her out

Damn. I can't believe I actually *missed* these few paragraphs. Completely.
Probably some glitch of my brain that filtered it out as "already read before" (like I knew the previous scene from the previous pre-reading)

[Strange.
[But yeah, they are dealing with this stuff.
[Another reason to be bitter, falling apart and being forced to scrounge around to get money to pay for your repairs.

[Spokavriel]

I guess the real confusion is that Sunny turned Eve so even as a sister she's still the elder.

Even though siblings have played with each others horns I just can't remember anywhere that it was made clear it could be done in a way that would leave someone with full rational control over their own will.

I mean sure when they were both playing with each others horns it was consensual but that doesn't make it certain they were immune to influence from the contact.