2nd Trimatter & Sunshine Temple production: Girl Talk

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2nd Trimatter & Sunshine Temple production: Girl Talk

Postby Sunshine Temple » Sun Feb 25, 2007 5:09 am

Here's something else Tri and myself cooked up.
If you like both of our works then you should like this.
Girl Talk
Enjoy
Last edited by Sunshine Temple on Sun Feb 25, 2007 7:25 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby nodregah » Sun Feb 25, 2007 7:04 am

Any chance for a follow up for it? I really liked the fic.
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Postby Atlan » Sun Feb 25, 2007 9:50 am

The other colabaration you two did, it read more strongly of Trimatter than of you. This one, if you hadnt mentioned Trimatter I never would have guessed he had any input.
Still, pretty good.
Is this going to be formally incorprated into The Return series?
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Postby Dumbledork » Sun Feb 25, 2007 9:50 am

Brilliant work like always. The idea is very nice too. How about a follow up with Sailor DarkStar coming to Sailor Sun's world together with her brood?
Here are some mistakes I found (I didn't check for any but I noticed these)
"Damn, I wish Tenchi could be here right => incomplete sentence
Almost as worse was => Almost as bad was
"No. If wasn't for Granny => If it wasn't
before the Techo-mages => Techno-mages (?)
Give just her the => Just give her
Nabiki was gold-digging bitch => was a gold-digging (are you sure of the hyphen in gold-digging?)
they say that 'a journey => that a journey
for mom to object too => to object to
We have too => We have to
And that's the bottom line 'cause Dumbledork said so.

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Postby deathgeonous » Sun Feb 25, 2007 11:48 am

Nice work. Maybe some day you can do a second chapter. If so, I second something like Dumbledork's idea.
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Postby WG_Writer » Sun Feb 25, 2007 2:09 pm

Although I am not a fan of The Return, I loved this fic and do hope that there will be a follow up with it to.
For a fanfic cros over I think it was the best one I ever read, although admitingly the pool isn't that big to begin with.
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Postby Climhazard » Sun Feb 25, 2007 4:24 pm

Not bad... Not bad at all ^). Even thought i dislike a " Aftermath" i still enjoed this story :).
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Postby Sunshine Temple » Sun Feb 25, 2007 4:48 pm

Nodregah: Yes, there are some tentative plans for more.
Atlan: Hmm.. that's odd. As our collaborations are quite even in the amount that we each write. But I'm too close to the fic to see if one is more Sunny or one is more Tri, heh.
Yup, it'll be formally put into Return. Today when I post on FF.net
Dumbledork: Thanks for enjoying the idea. And thank you for your corrections. They're in my master copy now. Hmm... should upload the corrected version of Return 16 too. As for the plot of the next meeting, that is still very tentative.
Deathgeonous: Thanks. Again still in the air on a lot of details.
WarGiver and Climhazard: You guys are great. Show that this thing is a crossover hit (sorry for the pun). You were each a fan of one of the fics but not the other. Heh. Nice.
Thanks you guys. Glad that our little experiment worked.
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Postby Dumbledork » Sun Feb 25, 2007 6:02 pm

Oh, and I think there were a lot of comma placement mistakes, but as I'm not that good with commas myself I prefered not to correct anything. After all I enjoyed the story just as much.
And that's the bottom line 'cause Dumbledork said so.

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Postby Sunshine Temple » Sun Feb 25, 2007 6:13 pm

Dumbledork wrote:Oh, and I think there were a lot of comma placement mistakes, but as I'm not that good with commas myself I prefered not to correct anything. After all I enjoyed the story just as much.

Noted, hrm. Well maybe someone else will find the specific mistakes later.
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Postby PCHeintz72 » Sun Feb 25, 2007 9:01 pm

Well... got a chance to read this. A couple items:
DarkStar could accept crossing plans of existence to visit family, but not just to find a quiet place to think.

'plans' s/b 'planes'
"Give just her the benefit of the doubt then," DarkStar suggested.

'Give just' s/b 'Just give'
DarkStar shifted under the gaze of her table mates. She sighed. "Umm... Usagi... but that's too much of a long shot. I need someone who can accept me and... eventually... is willing to give up their humanity."

Just a comment. While I had been expecting this, it is a bit of a disappointment. I personally dislike Usagi/Ranma matchups, though at least this one has grown. However, my main dislike of this match in this story is it satisfies people wanting to get the pattern silvers together and decreases tension. I prefer them separated, it increases tension.
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Postby Sunshine Temple » Sun Feb 25, 2007 9:12 pm

PCHeintz72 wrote:Well... got a chance to read this. A couple items:

Made the corrections. Thanks
Just a comment. While I had been expecting this, it is a bit of a disappointment. I personally dislike Usagi/Ranma matchups, though at least this one has grown. However, my main dislike of this match in this story is it satisfies people wanting to get the pattern silvers together and decreases tension. I prefer them separated, it increases tension.

Oh? You think that Ranma having an interest in Usagi will decrease tension?
Heh, I'm not to sure about that.
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Postby Dumbledork » Sun Feb 25, 2007 9:29 pm

Neither do I. This could somehow interfere with Mercury's plans for the Senshi. Or maybe Mercury counts on a love affair between Usagi and Ranma. Hmm... who knows. I'm pretty sure Sunshine does (or at least I hope so ^_^). Or maybe this could end in a mass orgy like in "The Shadow Chronicles".
And that's the bottom line 'cause Dumbledork said so.

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Postby PCHeintz72 » Sun Feb 25, 2007 9:55 pm

Oh? You think that Ranma having an interest in Usagi will decrease tension?
Heh, I'm not to sure about that.

Directly, no I do not. Indirectly, yes I do.
The problem I have is a Ranma/Usagi relationship fits too nicely in with too many other peoples plans. Setsuna's for one (though probably not now, I meant originally). It also would give credibility to Usagi's dream. I also think it would nicely solve some of the issues the company is concerned about. They seem to *want* a united pattern silver front.
Except for Usagi, who likes Darkstar, and Ami, who respects Darkstar, the senshi do not seem to overly care for the demonic brood, or Darkstar.
Of course, since Ranma and Usagi are on the rebound, it could fall apart. That would be good for keeping tension up.
Personally, I'd rather have Ranma with Kasumi, perhaps she would come around, perhaps not. Or better yet, the two school friends of Sunshine's.
It is of course your story, so take it where you want, but that is my opinion of the situation.
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Postby Alathon » Sun Feb 25, 2007 10:17 pm

Setsuna, faced with a real, no-shit end-of-humanity threat does something horrible to a single person she doesn't really know or particularly care about, to ensure humanity's survival. And is ultimately forgiven for it.. sorta. With the caveat that she's perceived to have been mentally unstable in the first place as a result of centuries of stressful work.
Because of this, Aftermath-Ranma is obligated to forgive his own mother for an act of personal betrayal and casual disrespect, not to mention abrogation of her own responsibilities, the end result of which was him living on the streets, faced with death at her hands if he tried living with her?
This scene was so utterly wrong that it soured my ability to enjoy anything about this story.
For that matter.. if Aftermath-Ranma's supposed to forgive Nodoka the suicide pact, why shouldn't Return-Nodoka have to forgive Return-Genma for the ten year training trip? After all, they were both for Ranma's own good..... and unlike the suicide pact, the training trip actually did do Ranma some good.
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