Okay.. Paragon 5, rough draft.

[Hazard]

Actually, there is no reason to be believe we'll see anything of Auriko, other than as a statistic. The only ones that got screen time of the commanders of the Dark are currently Ferriko, now firmly deceased, and Argentiko, who just arrived.
There are some 95 naturally occuring elements that are stabel enough to last thousends of years. Some 15 of these are not-metals, leaving Kenko with 80 possible names.
If Kenko goes with a pure metals based naming scheme that is.
What I mean is that there is no reason to think Auriko will be after Argentiko.

[Kenko]

Actually, there is no reason to be believe we'll see anything of Auriko, other than as a statistic. The only ones that got screen time of the commanders of the Dark are currently Ferriko, now firmly deceased, and Argentiko, who just arrived.
There are some 95 naturally occuring elements that are stabel enough to last thousends of years. Some 15 of these are not-metals, leaving Kenko with 80 possible names.
If Kenko goes with a pure metals based naming scheme that is.
What I mean is that there is no reason to think Auriko will be after Argentiko.

And thus Auriko is next-- there IS a theme this, but possibly not the one you're thinking of.
And much of the C&C has been helpful-- thanks!

[Raneko]

While I can see why giving Ranma an old comunicator would be a good idea (unless Nodoka finds out about it somehow) why not have Mamoru suggest that he and Ranma trade numbers as well?

That's an even worse Idea, because the Nermia roumor mill will distort anything. A friend calling Ranma, into Ranma's Gay boyfriend calling his lover.
as for this being a reposting Last time I checked this chapter out at the FFML it was unifinished.

[Kraude]

It's good to see this story being continued. It's one of my favorites.
Good episode and interaction between the characters. However the last bit about including Akane into the secret society is kind of rushed. Why Akane is being included? So far in the story you didn't show Akane growing up in her character towards Ranma. Instead it shows her insecurities about the changes that occured to Ranma.
Just including Akane at the secret society on the whim, or giving her a power-up to stay up with Ranma at this point is just cheapening the story, not adding to it. Give some meat at the developing the relationship between Ranma and Akane, make them talk, maybe go on a date without the parents pressure.
Also, Ranma won't be need to go 24/7 looking for the enemy. Even Star would press Ranma to relax a little, and maybe help into the relationships.
Also, instead of just inviting Akane, it could be possible that she ends up finding out by accident. Or it could go like developing the relationship between Ranma and Akane without her knowing Ranma's other id. Only finding it or by accident, or because the situation didn't give any other option.

[Lightning]

i'm so glad to see this story being continued as it rates very high in my all-time favorite story list and Kenko you really rock i wish i could write as good as you do
keep up the good work

[Sunshine Temple]

i'm so glad to see this story being continued as it rates very high in my all-time favorite story list and Kenko you really rock i wish i could write as good as you do
keep up the good work

*sighs* We were going so well.
Lightening. There are NO insipid posts. Actually put in some C&C.
Here's a warning. Put in real C&C or else.

[Steiner]

The heavens resound from the exultation this brought forth!
Alas, I've gotta make myself "useful" instead of just giggling giddily.
A.) The take on Mamoru is heartwarming - if only because it is a deviation of the "Wussy Womanly Wimp With Flowers" (wtb: flower-related word with W, please)
B.) Excellently done information trading - Ranma not rushing to tell his life story, dark secrets & desires is a definite plus.
C.) Ukyo-scene is very well done, after the previous chapters of hilariously funny funnyness (is that even a word? if not, I herewith declare it to be one) there has to be a point of comparison that turns down the fun to manageable levels (if its funny all the time, one gets into the trouble of having to trump the last gag again and again and again, which is not good)
D.) I forgot what I wanted to say from here on >_<. Shall reread the chapter and write what I forgot >_<
Hunnnnngry Murlocs are after your SOULS!

[Tuisto]

**SQUEAL!** Kenko-chan, you're back! Please don't leave us so long like that ever again! Pwetty Pwease!
Alright, since the mods don't appreciate homour, that's enough cutesy, onto C&C... Yes, must be serious! Yes, most certainly
I like this chapter to the Paragon. This is one of the more interesting Ranma magical girl fics after all. I must say that Akane's rememberance of how Ranma outsmarted Nabiki, classic! Really funny, and it's always a nice touch to see Nabiki get her cumupance.
Overall, I think this chapter is really pretty good, though I think the only area that needs improvement is the last bit with Cologne, Akane and Ranma's unveiling, as it really just seemed rushed to me. Then for Akane to faint at the news, that's just a bit too OOC I think. Though flying off the handle in rage or jelousy would be equally OOC.
Heck, I just don't know, just write your fic, as you please.
Yes, PLEASE WRITE YOUR FICS! :begs:
Thank you much.

[lwf58]

It's not that we don't appreciate humor. It's that this thread is about commenting on the posted stories, and "Great, you're back!" is not useful to the author in the slightest. You can be as funny as you like, if you are saying something worthwhile in the telling.

[Metroidvania]

It's not that we don't appreciate humor. It's that this thread is about commenting on the posted stories, and "Great, you're back!" is not useful to the author in the slightest.

But isn't a little praise good for the soul?
anyways....

"We're here because I need a new gown for the Kyoto recital,
love. And I agree... thinking back, trying to beat up the Princess
to prove she WAS the Princess was not our brightest moment.

That sums up my feelings about the Outer's plan pretty well. Definitely not their brightest moment.
Thinking back, I find myself wondering the short scene with Ukyo, unless there's a plan for her to get further involved, but with her current situation and Ranma's feelings, that would require something drastic....
The Akane potential OOC-ness has been commented on, and although I agree it's possibly a little too quick and accepting of her, it's within the range of possibility.
Nice work, hope to see more soon.

[lwf58]

But isn't a little praise good for the soul?

I agree completely. But it's not very good for improving one's writing skills. ^_^
To clarify, it's administration policy in this forum that when people post things in the C&C folder, they get C&C. We can't guarantee that anyone will respond to a request for C&C, but we can at least make sure that if there is any, it's thoughtful and helpful.
If Kenko only wants ego-boo, he can always post on ff.net or the ffml, or just about any other message board/forum. He'll get tons of "whoo-hoo" comments that way.
We think that if people post their work in this forum, they genuinely want helpful comments that point out potential flaws, and perhaps give them ideas on how to continue. Even negative comments can be a good thing, if they are intended to help the author write a better story.

[ChasTaro]

Yeah! Your back.
Like this chapter so far though I have to agree with others that to meeting at the end is a little rushed.

"What are you people talking about oh my GOD," Case choked out, as Naoko wavered, and began a definite male in loose Chinese
garments.

Became instead of began.

"You-- the kid! What are you doing here?"

"You--Elvis! What are you doing here?" Followed with group face fault.
The kid did tell Ranma to call him that. It depends on if you want more
waff at this point, if you use it or not.
Looking forward to more chapters.

[Kenko]

Quote:
"You-- the kid! What are you doing here?"
"You--Elvis! What are you doing here?" Followed with group face fault.
The kid did tell Ranma to call him that. It depends on if you want more
waff at this point, if you use it or not.

THIS I may well use. Thanks!

[crystlshake]

Overall, I think this chapter is really pretty good, though I think the only area that needs improvement is the last bit with Cologne, Akane and Ranma's unveiling, as it really just seemed rushed to me. Then for Akane to faint at the news, that's just a bit too OOC I think. Though flying off the handle in rage or jelousy would be equally OOC.

Perhaps closing the scene with an irate eyebrow that is ticking off the seconds left he has to explain. She seems pretty gung-ho about ousting all his secrets. Of course considering how most of said secrets carry weight like a bomb shell its kind of understandable. Im sure she'll have a good laugh at his expense when the explaination gets underway though.
Im particularly curious about what her assistant role is going to be. Just playing distraction to keep the usual suspects from getting to inquisitive about his activities could help. Perhaps play it off as him hidding some tutoring he's getting or something. Its kinda true....
Heh. Captain Opera a.k.a. Opera Man!