Fanfiction Quotes you had to share.

[Neko-]

Gotta love Black Dragon's humor and Tux-boy bashing - From Millennium:

Then, as if in response to that thought, a gunshot rang out, and Tuxedo Kamen collapsed onto the rooftop in agony.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Snake clicked his tongue as he lowered his pistol away from the shattered window. "Drat. I think I missed the headshot. It's too dark out there."
Junko blinked. "Lieutenant? What was that? Another vampire?"
"Yeah. Unless you can think of anyone else who might be skulking about the rooftops around our HQ at night."
"No, not really," the redhead admitted.

Tuxedo Kamen rushed toward the window and threw it open, but hesitated just before he leapt out.

Turning around, the masked guardian picked up a broom, and then took off his top hat and cape, placing both atop the broom head before he took a deep breath and stuck it out the window.

BLAM! The broom shook in Kamen's hand as a shotgun blast peppered it, and in the next instant Tuxedo Kamen was out the window, having snatched his hat and cape from the decoy and sprinting like all the terrors of Hell itself were hot on his heels.

As the damaged and discarded broom bounced onto the ground outside Mamoru's apartment, Snake emerged from the rose bushes in the garden outside, a deep frown on his face.

"Tsk. Clever son of a bitch. I'll get him next time," the American promised darkly, his utterly pointless and baseless grudge deepening as he slunk back into the bushes.

"HEY! What do you think you're doing?!" Rei snarled angrily. Shooting Mamoru was one thing, but that bastard wasn't going to get away with hurting Minako for no reason!

"Can I help you?" Snake asked, looking honestly confused as to why the man seemed so upset.

Mamoru scowled as he approached. "I asked what you were doing here."

"I just drove Usagi-chan and Ranma down here. What's the problem?"

"What's the problem? WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?!" Mamoru screamed, causing Snake to wince from the noise. "Look at my leg! I was shot AGAIN! Every time I go near you or your headquarters, I get shot! I've had so much surgery recently that the nurses put a nameplate on my hospital room as a joke!"

The American nodded, rubbing his chin. "I see... well, I don't remember shooting you since the last time I was here, but I don't really deserve the benefit of the doubt. I DO shoot a lot of people." He raised an eyebrow. "So, EVERY time you come near me, you get shot in the leg?"

"When I'm lucky," Mamoru growled. "The first time you shot me in BOTH legs! And the second time you got my arms, too!"

"I see," Snake mumbled. "For a man with such intelligent pattern recognition, you sure aren't very bright, then."

Mamoru raised an eyebrow. "Huh? What's that supposed to mean?"

Blam! Blam!

"I don't have to explain anything," Mamoru said defiantly. "If you don't have a warrant to arrest me, then you may leave, Snake-san."

Snake sighed regrettably. "I see. That's unfortunate." Blam!

The others in the room stared slack-jawed as Snake ripped his sidearm from its holster and blasted Mamoru in his left thigh, sending the younger man down onto the ground screaming.

"GWWWAAAAUGH!! MY LEG!! YOU SHOT ME IN THE LEG!!"

"Yes. Yes, I did," Snake said, quite satisfied with the turn of events. "Oh, if anybody asks, this was an unavoidable outcome, all right?"

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!" Mamoru yelled, tears leaking out of the corners of his eyes as blood flowed onto the carpet.

"I'm a victim of circumstance," Snake said, shrugging. "I've been instructed to extract information from a subject who won't cooperate peacefully. If Chikiko were here instead of me she could probably charm the facts out of you, but I'm a man, so violence is my first and only alternative." Planting his fists on his hips (one of them still gripping the Desert Eagle pistol), Snake tried again. "So, what can you tell me about who shot you? And what about that superhuman healing thing?"

"GO TO HELL!!" Mamoru screamed, clutching his leg in agony.

"Please, after you," Snake countered. Blam!

A gargled cry emerged from Mamoru's lips as hot lead bored into his right thigh.

"Let's see... I think I'll go around the body twice, hitting the limbs. Then I'll start with non-vital organs in the middle torso. You only need one kidney, right?"

"You... you sadistic..." Mamoru gasped, rolling around on his back in pain.

[ijp92]

at this point, I'm just straight up rereading Guardian and will post quotes as I find them.

I suspect Yamma is trying to kill me. I also suspect Snake is trying to kill me, but then, everybody feels that way about him. Tekai is probably also trying to kill me, but he's too stupid to do it. Both Tekais, in fact. Maybe Saotome, too. No, wait, if Saotome wanted to kill me, I would be dead by now. Maybe Yamazaki? Yeah, he seems like a good bet. Hunter is my only friend. He'll protect me.

I can say with near-certainty that if Hunter rips your throats out, it will be of his own unencumbered will

When you work in this field long enough, you learn all sorts of interesting things about how things die

SEE? It's bloody annoying when the laws of physics suddenly decide not to apply, isn't it?

Man, you guys are no fun at all. Every time I wake up, it's just 'Akina, stop taking off my clothes,' 'Akina, put your panties back on,' 'No Akina, I was talking about my ACTUAL gun.'

Behold! The ion cannon satellite! AT LAST, we can blow shit up from space!

But it's sexist in women's favor, so nobody cares

It helps reassure me that being smart isn't important as long as I can bench-press a car. It's sort of a self-esteem exercise.

Off having a long bout of self-reflection where she examines her life's choices and how it affects the people around her. Immediately followed by a bout of frustration, which she'll probably relieve by going out and getting laid

Ranma raised an eyebrow. "So who won?"

"Nobody," Snake said, shrugging, "two chicks from Tokyo Metro PD showed up and broke it up before the pirate captain, the Ninja overlord, the zombie tyrant, and the monkey blademaster could get down to business."

Bah! Don't be selfish! Do you have any idea how many orphans could hypothetically be saved by these stimpacks if I weren't going to sell them all to rich people?

"Hey! I'm not a mutant!"

"Say that when you aren't high on horrific bioweapons,"

You two make a good team," Deth offered, "it's like both of your unique forms of belligerence combine to convince the target that anything would be less dangerous and annoying than resisting you.

well I've reread the whole series. and these were the only quotes I could find that didn't require at least a paragraph.

[uragaaru]

"You will wear these to bed each night until you get used to the feel of female underwear and here is a pair of stilettos, you will practice walking in them" Konatsu instructed.

"I have to wear female underwear to bed?" Mousse asked.

"Nothing like packing the junk in your trunk in silk" he said.

"What if anyone sees me in them?" Mousse asked.

"When was the last time Shampoo snuck into your room?" Konatsu asked.

"Never" responded Mousse.

"I think that you'll be safe" he concluded. He put on what he called grinding music and said "okay ladies show me how you can be sexy: Ranma lean over and wiggle your hips, Mousse stand behind her and grind against them" he ordered.

Mousse had gotten used to this, he took his position and ground against her full, lush buttocks. Of course Mousse being a virgin, it was only a matter of time before his body reacted to her now feminine curves.

Ranma froze when she felt something poking her butt "Please tell me that that is one of your hidden weapons and not what I think it is?" she questioned.

Mousse blushed, but said the first thing that came to mind "it's my ultimate hidden weapon" he said and ground it harder. Ranma blanched and then cracked up. The rest of the practice was pretty much shot as they spent it making jokes about taking it like a man and speculating whether Ranma would be if in girl form.

"Why do I have to work with virgins?" Konatsu sighed in exasperation.

What a Drag by Obsidian Surrette.

As an aside, I love the extremely OOC (and fabulous) Konatsu in this story.

[ijp92]

from Master of Orion: More Plans Part 2
context: Xellos has just been given command of some youma.

The youma decided, in their ignorance, that he looked quite cheerful and pleasant, and decided that they were lucky to be placed under his command. The fools.

[Neko-]

Oh To Be Old Again

Confusion reigned supreme. I think she broke something. Probably my mind. My 'will to live' was also under severe assault.

... her voice became this whining shrieking thing that drowned out everything else around us.

Oh, wait, no. That was the sound of my teeth grinding.

Yeah, this was a 'dream' come 'true.' And by that I mean it was a new and more interesting layer of hell so bizarre that Dante felt the need to keep it out of his tour book lest he really freak people out.

[Té Rowan]

"I can't believe that worked," Daisuke murmured to Hiroshi.

"It's got to be the lamest, stupidest excuse ever conceived by man. Of COURSE Kuno bought it," noted Hiroshi to Daisuke.

From Kenko's "Paragon", after Tatewaki learns the 'truth' about his beloved 'flame-haired beauty'.

[Spokavriel]

Here is a link to PARAGON for anyone who would like to read it again.

[Té Rowan]

Be­com­ing vis­i­bly ir­ri­tated, Eng­lish leaned in through the still-​open wheel­house win­dow and cut through the bull­shit by haul­ing down on the length of chain (with at­tached fuzzy dice) that ac­tu­ated the Hermione’s horn.

This, hav­ing been tak­ing from an EMD SD40-5 rail­road lo­co­mo­tive, was A) loud, B) loud, and C) LOUD. Jim Coates, the Hermione’s first mate, had once asked why fit a rail­road horn on a boat and the skip­per had ex­plained that, while road-​trip­ping round the US of A, he’d hap­pened to hear one at a cross­ing and liked the way it seemed to be bel­low­ing ‘Getout­tathe­way!’

From Doghead Thirteen's "The Sea King"

[Spokavriel]

"I don't know…" Akane tapped her lip in thought.

"Afraid to lose, I see…" Kodachi snorted elegantly… somehow. "Clearly not much of a martial artist."

Shampoo nodded. "Too, too slow. If race, finish sixth out of five."

Ranko sighed. "Don't let them get to-"

"ARGGG!" Akane growled. "That's it! I'M entering! And I'M going to win! That'll shut you up!"

Kodachi scoffed. "Such an absurd fantasy! A Kuno shutting up…"

How often do you see a line like the one at the end? From Chapter 24 of Born That Way by Noy-Telin-u

[PCHeintz72]

How about:

The pretty sailor-suited champion of love and justice blinked in surprise. "Another one?"

The boy in the Chinese shirt sighed and whipped out a cigarette. Lighting it with a spark of ki, he took a long drag. Looking at Sailor Moon, he replied, "Yeah, another one. What is it with you sailor chicks and stickin' your heads in other people business?"

Sailor Moon scowled and began to quake in anger. How dare he?! How dare this... monster lecture her about butting in?! He was in her house, threatening her mother! Her grasp on her scepter tightened and her teeth clenched at his nerve. "It's our duty to protect the innocent from monsters like you!" she exclaimed with great vehemence.

He looked over to Ikuko and in a tired tone, he asked, "Do you need protecting?"

Usagi was surprised when her mother shook her head. "Not at all, Ranma-kun... and don't smoke in my house!"

Ranma chucked in embarrassment and flash incinerated the cigarette. "Gomen!"

Usagi blinked. "Ranma-kun?"

The boy replied, "I'm Saotome Ranma of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts. If ya wanna fight me, let's take this outside."

Usagi paused as she mentally added all the factors. The father of Hotaru's baby was named Saotome Ranma. Minako said that she saw him walking into a love hotel with Hotaru. Hotaru had described Ranma was a wonderful person and claimed that he was a powerful martial artist, but why then would he be threatening her mother, and why for that matter would her mother be acting like nothing was wrong? Oh, why did thinking have to hurt so much!

As Usagi stood inactive trying process the conflicting input and come to a conclusion, Minako decided to step up to the plate. With a growl she said, "I saw you walk into that love hotel with Hotaru-chan, you evil seducer of innocent young women! Your crimes will not go unpunished! As the Senshi of Love, I will PUNISH YOU."

Ranma blinked; then he scowled. "Hey! You're Minako, ain't ya?"

Both senshi gagged in unison.

"What would give you that kind of silly idea?" asked Venus, as she began to perspire. "Never heard the name."

Ranma growled. "Haruka-san was there when me an Hotaru were done. She said some chick named Minako saw us and ratted us out."

"Hehe..."

Dreading what she'd find, Usagi turned to look for the source of the dull
chuckle.

It was her mother.

Ikuko had stood, and was projecting an aura of intense scrutiny, directed
solely at Venus and herself. Her head was tilted slightly forward and only
a faint gleam came from the heavy shadows that hid her eyes, a gleam that
even Wiseman, Galaxia, and even Beryl herself would have envied.

She had a very bad feeling about this.

"I see..." Ikuko sighed, and regained her composure. In an unnaturally calm voice she said, "Ranma-kun, don't worry yourself. I'll handle this."

Usagi gulped, hard, and shuddered as an ice cold shiver made its way up her spine. She knew that tone, and she knew it well. Nothing good had ever come of it, at least not for her.

Ikuko walked up to Sailor Moon and looked the odangoed senshi in the eyes. For a second she relaxed totally, closed her eyes, and took a very deep breath. The moment of serenity was not to last.

"U-SA-GI!" Ikuko screamed in rage, her lungs somehow providing enough force to rattle the very foundations of the house.

Sailor Moon shrunk back at her mother's outburst.

In one swift motion the woman grabbed her magic girl daughter by the ear, forcing her to bend at a very unnatural angle. Screaming loudly, but without the banshee-like force she had used before, she exclaimed "TSUKINO USAGI, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING!?"

All Usagi managed to do was cry out in pain from her ears. If it wasn't pain from the close-proximity sonic blast, then it was the fact that they were all but being torn from her skull by a exceptionally pissed off mother.

Not seeing a coherent reaction from her daughter, and not particularly caring regardless, Tsukino Ikuko began her mad maternal rant. "You have a lot of explaining to do, young lady! Not only do I find out that you've been running around fighting monsters, and demons, and god only knows what else in the middle of the night, putting your life in danger, when you really should have been sleeping and doing your school work, but you do so without telling you own mother, keeping her worried out of her mind for you for over four years! On top of that, WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING, busting into this house and threatening a guest, acting like some kinda of underdressed juvenile delinquent!? Has being Sailor Moon warped your mind, am I a failure as a mother, or are you just that overwhelmingly STUPID!?" Ikuko trailed off momentarily, panting for air.

Minako chuckled dully at the... insane display before her and glanced over to Ranma. In an angry whisper, she hissed, "Great job, asshole."

"You're next, young lady," stated Ikuko between breaths, in the same frighteningly calm voice she used with Usagi right before she exploded.

Ranma couldn't help but snicker as Minako went bone-white.

Having fully caught her breath, Ikuko continued. "Minako's one of those underdressed vigilantes too I see, and, from the sound of it, so is poor Hotaru-chan! What about your other friends, huh? Ami, Makoto, Rei? What exactly are you girls? You dress like some pervert's wet dream, running around in those silly in those silly Lolita-Con schoolgirl outfits all day long, are you just devil hunters or are you something more extreme; like some kind of sick religious cult bent on world domination or something? Are you recruiting? What other poor girls have you drawn into your madness, how about poor, innocent Chibi-Usa? It looks like you conned poor Hotaru in, what about her? Where does the madness end Usagi?! Answer me, damn it... ANSWER ME!"

Usagi stood in place, stupefied by the mental overload.

"U-sa-gi..." snarled Ikuko in annoyance at her daughter's lack of a response.

"Please let go..." Usagi managed to mutter, her mind still stuck somewhere in a cloud of pain, confusion, and pure dread.

Ikuko scowled and released her daughter. "You have some explaining to do."

The above was from chapter 11 of the original version of:
R-SM 'Awkward Consequences' by PsyckoSama - [Dld Date=10/20/2007] - [Dld Size=200kb] - [Dld Files=8] - [Status=Inactive]

• [Author1] http://www.fanfiction.net/u/285562/PsyckoSama

The link is to the rewrite version.

[Spokavriel]

You wouldn't happen to still have the original version on hand would you?

[PCHeintz72]

You wouldn't happen to still have the original version on hand would you?

Where do you think I copied it from?



How about:

"Neolithic martial arts."

Nabiki glanced at Ranma.

"Umm" Ranma's brow creased in thought `Ah hah. Neolithic Big Wooden Club Strike."

"You have got to be joking!" Nabiki glared at both Ranma and Mrs Yoshikawa.

"Many centuries ago" she paused "in Neolithic times in fact, the then tiny village of Nerima had a problem with martial artists."

"Nothings changed then" commented Nabiki.

"No, but the village elders back then had a plan. A plan that would solve the problem of martial artists clubbing people at random" she paused a moment. "They consulted a local shaman who formulated the street plan for Nerima that we have today. The purpose of which is to funnel martial artists into open parkland and away from populated areas."

Ranma and the others stared in disbelief at the martial arts librarian.

"How did the plan, design, uh whatever last so long?" asked Ranma.

"Martial arts librarianship is an extremely old art. For as long as there had been martial arts, there have been martial arts librarians. Storing the scrolls, copying scrolls, recording the important martial arts information of the day. The street plan for Nerima was of course, stored by an ancient martial arts librarian and as Nerima grew so did the Nerima Martial Arts Library and a martial arts librarian has been on retainer to the city for as long as Nerima has existed.

"Which brings me to why I'm here. Because the street plan was devised in Neolithic times, it is most effective in respect to Neolithic martial artists. But.."

"But?" Akane, Kasumi, Nabiki and Ranma echoed.

"The natives or in this case the Neolithic martial artists are restless."

"Why?" Soun asked grateful for a chance to contribute to the conversation.

"Well," Mrs Yoshokawa paused to look at Akane "it's all Akane Tendo's fault."

"Mine!" shrieked Akane.

"Nice going Sis" smirked Nabiki.

"How?" Soun asked, now on a roll.

"Neolithic martial artists have very quaint marriage customs."

"Well?" Soun prompted, almost beside himself with glee at the now major, or so he thought, part he was playing in the conversation.

"The Neolithic martial arts marriage ceremony consists solely of the female clubbing the male over the head."

Nabiki and Kasumi snickered softly mindless of Akane's glare.

"They actually have to use a club?" Ranma asked nervously.

"Not absolutely necessary, but for reasons of tradition it is preferred." Mrs Yoshikawa smiled at Ranma "I wouldn't be concerned if I were you about any marriage between yourself and a Neolithic martial artist, they are quite knowledgeable about Jusenkyo curses so if you did club a Neolithic martial artist it wouldn't count."

Ranma breathed a sigh of relief, secure in the knowledge he had avoided Neolithic matrimony.

"So what's it got to do with me?" Akane prompted stealing Soun's thunder much to his disappointment.

"So, thirty-two Neolithic martial artists have submitted papers to the Nerima Council advising of their marriage to one Akane Tendo."

"Thirty-two husbands!" Akane shrieked.

"Oh my" gasped Kasumi.

"Is that legal?" asked Nabiki.

"Perfectly" replied Mrs Yoshikawa "special dispensation for Neolithic Martial Arts marriages it's written into the by-laws of Nerima."

"Oh Akane" Kasumi whispered "how did you find the time?"

Akane glared angrily at Kasumi who remained oblivious.

"And the energy" continued Kasumi wide-eyed.

"But isn't bigamy or polygamy in this case illegal." Nabiki asked.

"You could go to jail" Kasumi's eyes widened further in shock at the thought of her little sister cruelly incarcerated.

"Special dispensation in Nerima" Mrs Yoshikawa explained again.

"Oh my" continued Kasumi still stuck on the thought of her sister going to jail and performed some rapid mental calculations. "Even with one conjugal visit a day, one husband would miss out on 4 months, another three wouldn't get a look in during February and there's just not enough days in any month for one poor man."

Akane stared at Kasumi unsure of how to and unable to frame a suitable response.

Mrs Yoshikawa gazed in wonder at Kasumi and leant over to Nabiki and whispered "Is she often like this?"

Nabiki nodded and whispered confidentially "She just needs to get out more" as if that explained everything.

Ranma's mind meanwhile had been working at a feverish pace since Mrs Yoshikawa had made her announcement regarding the recent changes in Akane's marital status. While he was sensitive to the marital woes that could arrive to unexpectedly afflict people's lives, due to his own problems in this area, this was too good an opportunity to miss.

"Oh woe" Ranma cried dramatically "oh woe is me. Betrayed and cast aside by an uncaring fianc‚. Jilted for thirty-two other men."

Nabiki snickered.

"Oh, poor Ranma" sympathised Kasumi.

"Hey!" said Akane.

Ranma continued, his knees obviously weakened by the shock gave way and Ranma clutched at the table for support. "The shame, the shame" he cried "oh, how can I show my face in public again."

Soun, not renowned for his fast thinking and still recovering from the shock that his little girl had thirty-two husbands was only slowly waking up to the fact that something was interfering with the joining of the two families.

"So uncaring that she cast me aside unthinking of my poor tender heart!"

Soun was troubled, Genma was the brains of the operation, what would Genma do?

"Oh, it's not made of wood" sniffed Kasumi empathetically.

`What to do? What to do?' Soun's mind turned over once, twice before the motor engaged and his mental engine long idle started to pick up speed.

"Oh please" Akane grumbled rolling her eyes.

`One daughter married, two unmarried' Soun's mind continued ticking over with all the grace, surety and precision of a dispeptic diesel.

"The disgrace is too much for me to bear I must end it all!" Ranma cried scrambling about for a suitable implement for suicide but only finding a spoon, which he commenced to brandish about in a self-menacing fashion.

Soun acting at last grabbed his closest daughter and threw her at Ranma.

"WAAAAH" Soun cried " my baby just got engaged."

Nabiki looked up at Ranma at whom she had just been thrown "I guess we just got engaged."

"Is it always like this here?" Mrs Yoshikawa asked no-one in particular.

"Oh yes" replied Teri from his rug on the floor.

The above is from chapter 9 of:
RANMA 'Changes' by gromittd - [Dld Date=08/09/2011] - [Dld Size=386kb] - [Dld Files=12] - [Status=Inactive]

• [Direct] http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1792096/1/Changes

[Spokavriel]

I didn't know if the quote was from the original or not. And it has since been E-Mailed to me. Thank you for another interesting one with a link this time.

[Konsaki]

"What the hell are you doing?" Evangeline asked, cutting the man off with her volume. "He's just a brat, and he's the reason the whole city is blowing up. You're supposed to take charge and force him to do as you say. Are you afraid of him or something?" She turned to Ranma with her hands on her hips. "And you! You two should be at his throat! He's treated you like shit this entire time before running over to beg for help. Why don't you tell him to eat a giant bag of dicks?"

Ranma stared at the small blonde girl for a long minute, then at Konoemon's exasperated face, then back. "Because," he said, "I thought we're doing that weird dance adults do, where Konoe pretends to care about what I want and I pretend I don't want to see him fall over and die. He doesn't want to make his problems worse by pissing me off, and I'm too tired to go find a store that sells cock by the bag."

From Sightless Spark on Anime Addventure

[Spokavriel]

Soon, everyone was entering the small Dojo attached to the house. The inners thought it was really very similar to the Tendo home, though much smaller, and obviously not intended for classes. It was a large room still, and had a bunch of tables and heating lamps in one corner, where Kaga tossed the Pizzas after opening the lids. Laun, her long silver hair held back in a ponytail, was fiddling with a small set of the lamps, finally getting them turned on. "Why are we setting up all this?" She asked even as Cologne and Shampoo arrived and started setting several Chinese dishes on the same table.

The Matriarch chuckled. "In Nerima, the only way to keep Martial Artists from fighting is by giving them something to eat." She gestured at the tables, all of which gave the appearance of bending under the weight of so much food.

"Well, okay... But do we really need this much? They can't eat THIS much!" Then Usagi and Ranma hit the buffet, one at each end, and filled several paper pates each. When they left again Laun just blinked, staring at the carnage they had reaped on what was once a huge pile of food. "Okay... Never mind..."

Edit: Adding another quote.

"No." He began to fall, plummeting far and fast into the depths of despair like any other. He'd never be able to see Akane again, and she was stuck…doomed to be with Ranma forever. "No…no…"

Falling completely into darkness, Ryoga looked to his right, and then to his left. His eyes widening, he turned to face towards Ranma and the others again. He was in despair, losing Akane forever had left him in despair.

He threw his head back and screamed as his battle aura encompassed his entire body. "...RANMAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Oh my, that is not good." Cologne said as the battle aura grew and became a wave of energy shot upward.

"That's obvious, but what is it!" Nabiki shouted as Ryoga kept screaming and pouring more of the negative energy into the air, the blast of hot wind from the attack buffeting them.

Cologne frowned. "The sheer weight of Ryoga's anguish has allowed him to perfect the Shishi Hokodan!"

"Perfect it? You mean what he's been smacking me around with was the basic version?" Ranma yelled as the cloud of energy overhead began to grow, spreading over their heads.

The other students were quickly running, as Kodachi took a step back. "We should run…"

"Yes, that is a good idea!" Akane agreed.

"RANMA! I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS!" Ryoga yelled. "TAKE THIS! MY LOVE! MY ANGER! AND ALL OF MY SORROW! SHIN SHISHI HOKO-!"

A car, traveling at incredible speed, smashed into Ryoga, sending him tumbling onto the hood, skipping across the roof, and crashing face first to the ground. The red cloud of energy almost immediately dispersed, as another car, moving at a much more reasonable speed, steered around him and came to a stop behind the first car.

Ranma and his group stared at what just ensued, and he titled his head slightly. "What."

"Deus Ex Machina is a bitch." Nabiki said, having wish she'd filmed the car hitting Ryoga. Still, she got her camera pointed at the new twist.

Shampoo agreed wholeheartedly with the middle Tendo. "Yeah, she'll fuck you if you let her."

Ryoga, who had already been on his last legs before, slowly got up. He'd been hit by cars lots of times, but that, why did that one hurt so badly? He looked towards the two cars, the second one being a blue compact, behind a badly beaten up silver sedan.

"What the…?" He asked as the passenger side doors of the silver car opened, and a girl his age stepped out before pointing at him.

"That's him alright! We finally found you!" The girl yelled out as a taller girl with glasses stepped out from the rear passenger door.

"For goodness' sake, we just hit the guy! Call an ambulance or something!" The tall glasses girl yelled at her companion.

"Nah, it's good." The driver of the car said as she climbed out. "Nerima folk are inhuman monsters, this was just a love tap compared to what they can usually take."

"What are you talking about?" The glasses girl demanded. "We just hit a guy with a car doing eighty!"

She then gawked at Ryoga as he stood up shakily. "Wait. What!"

"I told you." The driver said.

The first girl caught Ryoga's attention. "It took us months, but we've finally managed to track you down, you deadbeat!"

"Deadbeat?" Ranma asked before he looked to Nabiki, who quickly shrugged her shoulders as she kept filming the confrontation.

"Hey, this is news to me." She said. "But it's gold."

Ryoga's eyes went wide, as he recognized the girl accosting him. "W-wait…oh no…"

The doors of the blue car opened, and a tall, athletic girl with an intimidating look emerged, joined by a shorter but equally athletic and intimidating young woman. The driver of that car, another older woman, climbed out and shook her head at the other driver for her recklessness.

Ryoga, completely terrified now, froze and shook his head. "Um…I think you have me mistaken for someone else…"

"Oh don't give us that, Casanova!" The first girl said. "You're going nowhere now, except with us to finally take some responsibility for what you've done!"

Akane's expression was dumbfounded at first, before a big smile comprised entirely of schadenfreude began to crawl across her face. "Oh man."

"This is going to be epic." Nabiki said as Ranma, Kodachi, and Shampoo joined the sisters in smiling oh-so-sinisterly.

Another high school aged girl stepped out of the car, and all the color drained from his face, his body, even his hair and what remained of his clothes. The girl in question smiled big and waved to him happily as she spoke with distinct Kansai dialect. "Hey Ryoga-kun, it's nice to see you again!"

"O-Osaka…" Ryoga squeaked in terror as his gaze traversed downward to the girl's stomach, which was clearly rounded. "…Oh no…"

"Miss Sakaki, Kagura, please collect our proud Father-to-be." The driver of the first car said to the girls who had emerged from the second. Nodding, they walked over to Ryoga and hoisted him up by the arms.

"No, no, no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-NO!" Too weak to fight back, Ryoga was dragged over to the apparent bane of his existence, who happily embraced him.

"You said if I ever found you again, we'd be together, Ryoga-kun." Osaka said to him. "Well, here I am! It took a long time, but I found you. It's a good thing too; I don't think I'm going to be able to fit in a wedding dress if we wait any longer."

"This is the most amazing day of my life." Nabiki said, tears of schadenfreude running down her face.

Ranma collapsed, laughing hysterically as Ryoga weakly tried to get free of the surprisingly strong grip of the two girls holding his arms. He began babbling. "No wait, you don't understand Osaka…!"

He looked towards Akane, who had her hands clapped over her mouth to muffle her own laughter, and then back to the other girl. "What we had, it was just a one time thing! I swear!"

"Once is enough." Kagura admonished. "Didn't anyone teach you these things?"

"Yeah, and we're not letting one of our own bring a bastard into the world!" The first girl cried out.

"Tomo!" The glasses girl snapped at her friend.

"But, there's another girl, she and I…!" Ryoga tried to plea.

"Don't worry, Ryoga!" Ranma called out. "She's in good hands; you go and let us know when the wedding is!"

"I'll do your wedding photos and film the ceremony if you like!" Nabiki called.

Shampoo quickly tossed a business card to them. "Cat Café will do the catering, we have good rates!"

"Oh, that's wonderful!" Osaka called back as Sakaki caught it. "Thanks you guys!"

Kodachi used her ribbon to wipe away a tear. "Oh, these engagements get me so emotional…"

Sakaki and Kagura managed to force Ryoga into the back seat of the blue car. In one final act of desperation, he tried to climb out and reached for Akane. "Akane…no…I love you Akane! Please stop them! Akane, help me!"

Tomo leaned over towards the blue car. "Chiyo-chan, use the tranquilizers please?"

A younger and very cute girl leaned from the car and jabbed Ryoga in the neck with a jet injector. Going rigid for a brief moment, Ryoga went limp, before he was shoved off into the car. As soon as he was secured, the other occupants climbed in, with Sakaki turning to bow politely to Ranma and the others before joining her friends.

Both cars then quietly drove off, taking their prize with them. As they departed, and the crowd began to disperse, Akane sat down next to Ranma, and leaned against him. Seeing this, Cologne took it upon herself usher the others away to leave them to themselves. Ranma was still chuckling, as Akane took his hand into hers.

"What a bastard." She said quietly. "Coming after me when he made that kind of promise to another girl, and he got her pregnant no less."

"Yeah…" Ranma rested his head against hers and sighed. "I feel sorry for that girl, if that's the Father of her child."