Your Destiny is Annulled, Ch. 30

[Cheb]

It's kind of filler, but serves a world-building role too.

Out of the eleven chapters remaining, they will spend six in this world (i.e. five more).

http://ranmafics.ru/fanfics/your_destin ... a30e.shtml

The url is coded to protect against hand- guessing. It'll become invalid once I publish the chapter officially.

[LawOhki]

It's kind of filler, but serves a world-building role too.

Out of the eleven chapters remaining, they will spend six in this world (i.e. five more).

http://ranmafics.ru/fanfics/your_destin ... gg95.shtml

The url is coded to protect against hand- guessing. It'll become invalid once I publish the chapter officially.

It'd require a fair amount of work but shouldn't Ranma macho-ly volunteer to carry Ami rather than shove it off on her just back from the dead wife? Who may or may not be back together perfectly? There really isn't anything that's happening between the characters during this. Akane on the top of the world and doesn't notice it while Ranma makes it all the way to the train tracks before she's just done (then bring up the how she can't lose Akane stuff) provides a little dramatic spice that could be a little waffy.

[Cheb]

It'd require a fair amount of work but shouldn't Ranma macho-ly volunteer to carry Ami

I probably failed to show this: Ranma's motivation is very simple. She wants to protect Akane but sees that Akane isn't in the right state of paranoia to do that. So she pushes the obstacle to fighting properly onto her, to be the one reacting fast. Really, a girl their age isn't much a burden with ki working properly. They were just carrying backpacks weighing almost as much as themselves. All Ami does is getting in the way of looking around and limiting one's fighting options to mostly dodging.

Will correct during the New Year holidays. Something along the lines "Ranma was feeling like a guard dog circling around its caravan, ready so sacrifice its life to protect the master". She is not broken, but fairly fractured now, all her machismo burned out.

Page URL: http://ranmafics.ru/fanfics/your_destin ... gg95.shtml
User comment: Akane? Make a comment about too much pepper?
Context:
degree. And this magic is... Like there's too much
<!!!>pepper<!!!> in it, so to speak. Also, it feels somewhat
unpleasant,
Browser: ike Gecko) Chrome/31.0.1650.63 Safari/537.36

Well, even in the anime canon there are at least three instances where she tastes her own cooking. There should be more in the manga. They are also somewhat more graphic in the manga, anime had toned this down:

http://217.70.20.10/_share/_002/akanecooking.avi

She is very well aware what being overly spicy means. She is simply convinced that she had put the right amount in her concoction. Why are they watching her warily? The ingrates!

[LawOhki]

I probably failed to show this: Ranma's motivation is very simple. She wants to protect Akane but sees that Akane isn't in the right state of paranoia to do that. So she pushes the obstacle to fighting properly onto her, to be the one reacting fast. Really, a girl their age isn't much a burden with ki working properly. They were just carrying backpacks weighing almost as much as themselves. All Ami does is getting in the way of looking around and limiting one's fighting options to mostly dodging.

Will correct during the New Year holidays. Something along the lines "Ranma was feeling like a guard dog circling around its caravan, ready so sacrifice its life to protect the master". She is not broken, but fairly fractured now, all her machismo burned out.

If Ranma is noticeably being overprotective of the two it would work better. It's way too flippant at the moment, especially at the start.

Well, even in the anime canon there are at least three instances where she tastes her own cooking. There should be more in the manga. They are also somewhat more graphic in the manga, anime had toned this down:

http://217.70.20.10/_share/_002/akanecooking.avi

She is very well aware what being overly spicy means. She is simply convinced that she had put the right amount in her concoction. Why are they watching her warily? The ingrates!

Being aware after the fact that something is spicy doesn't mean she knows how it got that way. Akane has outright started fires because she doesn't understand what ingredients do or bother reading their labels to find out. And there really aren't that many instances of her eating her own cooking in the manga. Wasn't played up to the same extent.

If Akane actually was able to make an accurate comment on spices the other two should be stopping dead in their tracks, unable to process this new expeirence. Akane should almost paused realizing it herself.

"Too much pepper is bad right?"

[Cheb]

Corrections:

Akane, in turn, closed her eyes, trying to cast her mundane senses aside. It wasn't easy: she was practically bubbling with energy and fullness of life. But she wasn't one to give up so easily. And finally... “Whoa!” Her eyes flew open as soon as she 'caught the right wave'. “The very air here is filled with magic, to abnormal degree. And this magic is... biting, for the lack of a better word. Also, it feels somewhat unpleasant, like there's a fleeting smell of carrion.”

(don't want to invoke Akane's cooking here)

Ranma paused for a moment. She didn't want to tell them that the one carrying Ami would be excluded from active fighters. While the urge to protect, even at the cost of her own life, was irrational and overpowering. Finally she found a suitable explanation:“Well, who's the freshest among us, barely half an hour since being resurrected?”

In truth, a corner of her consciousness not awed yet from happiness to the point of losing critical outlook on her wife, was aware that Akane wasn't in the right mind to watch around thoroughly. But there was one thing even more important: to carry Ami by himself meant to let Akane guard and shield them! Ranma's very nature was rebelling against this.

“Well, where shall we head?” Ranma inquired. This standing in place looked a bit weird for her. Not to mention the rising urge to get the hell away from this dark plain. The unnatural silence in the unnaturally still air was unnerving.

“You see?” Ranma addressed Ami as she walked next to them, her eyes scanning the darkness tensely. “Don't you dare saying that you led us into a trap. Even more so that you'd slow us down. Just imagine us stumbling blindly here, not knowing what to do without you. No, we'd carry you gladly even if you were a hundred kilogram fatso.” She let out a forced giggle.

Ranma shivered. What was it out there, that he and Akane, with all their experience and ki working normally, would stand no chance? Things exploding upon death into all-dissolving acid, like ones in that damned movie? She wanted to circle her wife like a guard dog, ready to die but protect its master. She was holding herself back somehow, but still kept changing her positions, keeping to the left flank, then to the right and back.

Akane looked at them, 'hmmph'ed, then said: “I'll go scout along the road.”

Ranma just groaned in protest. Her endurance faltered in the face of dehydration.

“I'll be keeping you in sight,” Akane reassured her.

Also corrected Ranma's behavior in the next chapter (not yet translated)

[OSMQEP]

For some reason I'm reminded of Exalted.

Anyway, I've found time to read and enjoy this.

[Sunshine Temple]

I haven't had time to read it myself. I plan to shortly though.

[LawOhki]

(don't want to invoke Akane's cooking here)

Awww but it'd add some flavor to a rather uneventful chapter.

Akane, in turn, closed her eyes, trying to cast her mundane senses aside. It wasn't easy: she was practically bubbling with energy and fullness of life. But she wasn't one to give up so easily. And finally... “Whoa!” Her eyes flew open as soon as she 'caught the right wave'. “The very air here is filled with magic, to abnormal degree. And this magic is... biting, for the lack of a better word. Also, it feels somewhat unpleasant, like there's a fleeting smell of carrion.”

Maybe

"And this magic feels unpleasant, there's an edge to it like it'll bite... and a really unpleasant smell."

The stuff after 'also' doesn't really follow right because the biting would be a feel description while your describing a smell.

[Cheb]

because the biting would be a feel description while your describing a smell.

Excellent! Unintended, but it conveys well how difficult it is to describe something you feel with magic senses. There's no analogue in the human language.
How hard it is to perceive such things.

For some reason I'm reminded of Exalted.

I only heard of Exalted

I'll be honest: this world I created was intended for a game I was planning to make in the early 2000s (before Ranma and fanfics distracted me). It should have been a Morrowind killer, no less. It's, uh, still in development: I now have 48000 lines of sophisticated code that draws a rotating cube
Then I looked at things with a critical eye, and decided to re-use all the world building, however little there was, in the fanfic.
You can still see donkey ears sticking out: the limited visibility distance.

[Spica75]

It's, uh, still in development: I now have 48000 lines of sophisticated code that draws a rotating cube

Ooh that must be soo fun.

[LawOhki]

Excellent! Unintended, but it conveys well how difficult it is to describe something you feel with magic senses. There's no analogue in the human language.
How hard it is to perceive such things.

Should probably have Ami point out that she's mismatching, reads more like its just a mix up or translation error. Not deliberate or weird enough to get that across at the moment.

[Cheb]

Corrected to

And this magic is... biting, for the lack of a better word. Also there is something unpleasant about it, like a fleeting smell of carrion on a sunny day.

[Sunshine Temple]

Sorry for the delay on getting to this.

I had a break at lunch today so I was able to read through it.

I wonder if Ami's senshi form wouldn't be more appropriate for traveling.

Then again that's a lot of walking on those heels

Anti-nagic zone or typo?

Ahh the lack of connection would be a problem for Ami.

Good description on how eerie the place is, and with how noxious the grass tasted.
Might want to add what the grass looked like.

Are there other plants? I kind of envision a plain filled with desiccated stilled plants. Like a meadow had just dried up into stilled husks.


I like your bit on having Ranma grasp the tactical limits of Ami's "radar" device.

"" Ami explained as she wiped icy sweat from her forehead that a dark gap ahead could mean a fast thing approaching from behind if their courses were intersecting somewhere ahead.""

Hehe. I found this really amusing.

I like the description of the alien green sky and the too-bright stars

Very neat description of the rail line. Evocative.


Neat chapter. I really like the atmosphere it builds.

[Cheb]

Argh! What a binge Spend two days adding a thousand lines to that pile of code so that it now draws its rotating cube with render to texture, adaptive supersampling and GLSL shaders.

Neat chapter. I really like the atmosphere it builds.

I've been working on it since 2007. Initially, Ami was not included in this story, so I had to shoehorn her in using some creative application of reworked earlier fragments (Akane's long-distance connection attempt was there, but it was sound-only communication). Then I had to correct this chapter massively, adjusting for her presence. Then the next chapter, and the next one too. But there will be finally chapter (currently working on it) that includes her by design allowing her to take active role

Are there other plants?

Hmmm, probably no. Will address this detail in Chapter 35.
It's an unnatural grass that just grows like that.
P.S. Corrected.
Yet another hour passed. The dark plain was still stretching on, as flat and oppressively full of vague menace. There was not a slightest change, with sole exception of the sector widening a bit.
-->
Yet another hour passed. The dark plain was still stretching on, as flat and oppressively full of vague menace. There was not a slightest change, not a tiniest bump nor shrub. The sole exception was the sector widening a bit.

having Ranma grasp the tactical limits

He is full of surprises, and figuring out techniques is his strong side. Plus, he isn't illiterate as some fanfiction authors (cough - Rebecca Heineman - cough) try to flanderize him.
He would be *better* than Akane with computers in general and the medallion in particular. If only they had enough time.
But now his motivation to learn this stuff will be completely gone as they conveniently have Ami for it.