by Sunshine Temple » Sat Apr 12, 2014 4:09 pm
Cheb
Ch. 1:
It's a funny thing: I was reading this as an utterly unfamiliar, new fanfic until I hit that scene with the steaks. By some reason it triggered my memory making me remember most of the rest.
[Heh. That's rather interesting.
[maybe the description was vivid enough to "unlock" the memories.
Ch. 3:
>Ami did not have any ideas on how she had gotten her powers, but she had been a comforting ear on the whole "no magic attacks" problem.
Mercury Lv.1 was a badass support character. She did have devastating attacks, just not the kind the other girls had. Others specialize in killing singular strong mobs. Mercury specializes in AOE against swarms of low-level mobs. True, she couldn't even scratch strong enemies. But other girls (except maybe Moon) were as helpless against swarm attacks be it nanomachines, a herd of possessed butterflies of a cloud of self-guided magical grapeshot.
This just emphasizes the fact they are a team and must fight as a team.
My point: their conversations concerning the subject put too little emphasis of Hestia being a badass support (or old Lv.1 Mercury being a badass support). I can imagine Ranma being greatly annoyed by such a role, it could be played nicely.
In overall, the relevant scenes cover this subject, but not adequately IMO.
[Good point.
[Hmmm maybe something like this as a revision?
[[
I'm also such a girly magical girl that I can't even hurt a monster but at least I'm a damn good medic. And the girls could use another one of those, Ranma thought to herself. And Ami thinks I'm not egotistical.
Ami did not have any ideas on how she had gotten her powers, but she had been a comforting ear on the whole "no flashy magic attacks" problem. Her early powers had specialized in support, intelligence, and defense. For one, Ami was very good at neutralizing massed minions.
]]
Ch. 4:
I am glad to see Nodoka making some progress.
[Excellent. She has a bit more in ch5, albeit indirect.
>ose in that fight... and Miss creepy shadow bounced right back up.
Oh no. Don't tell me that that woman is a good guy. Well, after reading The Return a reader jumping at shadows is excusable.
[Good guy? Hehehe
[Let's just say, while you'll probably cheer what she does in ch5, you still won't think of her as good.
>Misato rolled her eyes. "We've got a club meeting."
There's also the matter of names. I can understand one or two matching well known anime characters. But all names of all female OCs being something out of well known anime? Not cool. There is probably some hidden intent here, but outwardly it looks like the author is too lazy to look up Japanese names lists.
[That's interesting because the bigger named OC's: Nami, Kimiko, Kikuko, Etsuko, and Keiko aren't from any anime or manga.
[Though I suppose they don't stick out as much.
[Hmmm, I could change out Misato's name easily, in ch5 there's some more name references, and those actually have more "weight" to the reference.
>had stepped in to safe the life of their Princess, and it would not be the last.
[corrected
>, but here you are building a dating network. Right. Under. Their. Noses.
[nods sagely] Yes, Usagi's matchmaking tendencies are scarily powerful.
[Indeed. I was merciful and didn't have Minako and Makoto involved.
[Those three aren't alwasy obesssed with matchmaking... though Minako does call herself the goddess of love
[But when they get together...
>and while the bags for Hotaru's of training gear
[corrected.
> Smiling, Setsuna watched the redhead glide down the hallway and turn out of sight.
Oh, I may be wrong, but this is beginning to feel like a pairing.
[*coughs*
[Thanks for the comments!
[Now i haven't uploaded the corrections yet.
[I've still got to check the ch3 stuff.
[And there's if I'll swap out Misato's name in ch4
[I'm thinking I can.
[Though I'm tempted to go with Misako instead... on the other hand that would make this the third story that uses that name
