Obtaining the blade

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Obtaining the blade

Postby WG_Writer » Wed Aug 11, 2010 12:14 am

Ok here is something that is to try and jumpstart my creative juices. First thing I want to say is that if you are unsure of what is exactly happening here then thats good, I want to give some idea but not outright say anything someone could guess at. I will start by saying that yes it is a Ranma cross with something, you might even be able to guess, if you can I would appriciate any help in obscuring it more. There needs to be some hints though so just having two people saying yes to each other won't work as one is imparting important details and such, well here is the opening scene to what I am working on:


Two figures stood alone on top of a building at night, from all appearances the house seemed to be fitting for an upper middle class family as it was larger than most could afford, but not excessively so. One figure was clearly male and shown to be a teenager in the dim moonless night light, the other was even further hidden within darkness however the fact she appeared to be wearing a high school uniform did show through if only by the shape if little else to say nothing of actual colors.

Neither looked at each other as was the agreement, both stood facing away, and yet they conversed. It started polite enough as each asked about the other and happenings. Both also lied through some of it, yet both were well aware of the truth. It was a word dance more than anything else, to throw off anyone who might be listening what the true meanings of their past was. Both preferred to keep secrets and knew that truths hurt, especially in ways you which to protect against.

Despite neither looking at each other both knew each other’s appearance well enough. However should they be seen talking they have plausible deniability on their side. Soon enough the small talk ended and both were sure the other was who they were supposed to be and the true conversation began.

Looking off into space the female of the pair stated simply, “It begins tomorrow.”

The male closed his eyes and focused his thoughts before reopening them, “So I gathered, it was either that or something bad.”

Shaking her head other continued, “Just remember to tag along, no matter what.”

A snort was the response, “What about the others?”

“Mine or yours?”

“Both.”

This time she sighed, “I will deal with mine, they will be ready when you arrive, as will you. As to yours let the cards fall where they may, you going along for the ride is most important, anything else will be meaningless in the long run.”

He stiffened with slight worry, “And the short run?”

This time she closed her eyes briefly before saying, “That is beyond what I can tell you. Beyond what I can tell myself. All I do know is if you do not tag along this time... the last batch of troubles will be nothing compared to the next and none of us will be prepared.”

Looking at her watch she stated, “Time’s up, code word next time is Silver.”

Before both leapt off of the roof he smiled, “No need to worry, I’ll have my sword by then; after all, Ranma Saotome doesn’t lose.”

After he leapt off she did so as well and disappeared into a black void. Trailing her though were the words whispered on the wind, “You might have to this time, for all our sakes.”
Storm trooper effect works against good guys as well.
No matter how strong you are, there is always a teenager able to beat you without breaking a sweat.
A blind Paladin can only hear half truths
A deaf Paladin can only see half truths
Either way the Paladin is a berserker
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Re: Obtaining the blade

Postby Spokavriel » Wed Aug 11, 2010 11:00 am

I didn't get that far yet. But School Uniform on a roof I'm already thinking Senshi before the end of the first paragraph.

The whole stating he has to be there thing is feeling really Plutoish. Insisting that something must happen without giving too much away for fear of preventing the necessary event.

"Beyond what I can tell myself." <Future self not tellin ya somethin?

So Ranma might have to lose for the sake of everyone?

Um yeah these would only be hints to someone who didn't see Sailor Moon beyond the Dark Moon family or read any Sailor Moon fanfiction including Pluto.

Sadly to be more subtle you're going to have to build on the scene and possibly have her there in other clothes. A Mysterious woman in clean cut clothes is allot less telling. It could be a government agent for all anyone can tell. Sure the roof is suspicious but so are parking garages. That was the biggest tell the rest were unavoidable to pick up on after hearing about her style of clothes being a Fuku.
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Re: Obtaining the blade

Postby Scratx-chan » Wed Aug 11, 2010 11:32 am

Yes, it sounds pretty much like Ranma/SM, with the "Silver" adding more credence to that theory.

If it isn't, then there's a whole lot of effective misdirection. :P
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Re: Obtaining the blade

Postby WG_Writer » Wed Aug 11, 2010 6:45 pm

hmm... I see your points. must have been really tired if I thought this was being obscure, while leave them guessing material. I am going to have to step this up a notch then. my goal is to do a one-shot where you only really know for sure what happened after the fic ends and the cross becomes obvious, yet leaving just enough hints that you think it is a Ranma/SM cross.

I think I will re do the scene with the girl giving more of a MiB vib, and no I will not confirm if it is Pluto no matter how obvious it seems.
Storm trooper effect works against good guys as well.
No matter how strong you are, there is always a teenager able to beat you without breaking a sweat.
A blind Paladin can only hear half truths
A deaf Paladin can only see half truths
Either way the Paladin is a berserker
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Re: Obtaining the blade

Postby Spokavriel » Wed Aug 11, 2010 8:37 pm

I'm sorry. And how would you keep any part of this in the dark with Ranma saying his name there in the text? Or do you only want the cross and not the Ranma part hidden?
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Re: Obtaining the blade

Postby WG_Writer » Thu Aug 12, 2010 1:28 am

the ranma part is meant to be blindingly obvious after this scene, or at least that was what I planned, and still do, as to what its a cross over with and what actually is happening I want the reader to have some idea of events that are occuring but I want readers to look at each part and wonder what it really meant. Such as the question of Ranma having to be "dragged along for a ride" but the question I want to leave you asking is who and where, and once the event happens I want you to ask where is here? Is this what I think it is? any characters outside from the ranma cast should not be refered to in any familiar ways, any locations should not be specificly named or desccribed too accurately. And finally I want readers to drop their jaws when the last piece falls and the story comes into focus.
Storm trooper effect works against good guys as well.
No matter how strong you are, there is always a teenager able to beat you without breaking a sweat.
A blind Paladin can only hear half truths
A deaf Paladin can only see half truths
Either way the Paladin is a berserker
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Re: Obtaining the blade

Postby Spokavriel » Thu Aug 12, 2010 3:40 am

That's going to be really tough to pull off. Even if you went with one of the Live Action Sailor Moon groups and used descriptions of them when powered down they are still distinctive enough that having descriptions of the people seen repeatedly could be too much of a tip off.
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Re: Obtaining the blade

Postby Spokavriel » Fri Aug 13, 2010 1:56 am

How about this. Take your current situation and completely change the setting. Have him on the branch of a tree high above the ground watching the stars from there. Sure its more generic but still very Ranma.

Then have the Woman in a Ponytail and a dark suit standing under the tree talking to him. Seeming as if she's just resting at a common point along the path. Maybe a little darker than most people would trust to rest in alone with a near by light out. making it too dark for anyone to be sure of colors. Allot less suspicious and you lose the Fuku aspect.

Then change the part about telling herself to something more like I shouldn't even know about it. That would let the rest survive as being hints but its not heavy enough to make any of it telling.
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Re: Obtaining the blade

Postby WG_Writer » Sun Aug 15, 2010 12:26 am

I think I might go that way. would have had a rewrite done by now but... I had relatives down for the last few days.
Storm trooper effect works against good guys as well.
No matter how strong you are, there is always a teenager able to beat you without breaking a sweat.
A blind Paladin can only hear half truths
A deaf Paladin can only see half truths
Either way the Paladin is a berserker
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Re: Obtaining the blade

Postby Spokavriel » Sun Aug 15, 2010 5:55 am

Family first. If anyone ever gets offended at that I have to question their priorities.
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Re: Obtaining the blade

Postby Ellen Kuhfeld » Sun Aug 15, 2010 10:15 am

If you really want to obfuscate, the lead character in Cinderella Boy is named Ranma. (He) too changes sex, though the trigger is midnight instead of water. He's a detective, and a reluctant adventurer.
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Re: Obtaining the blade

Postby WG_Writer » Sun Aug 15, 2010 1:36 pm

As much as I might want to go that way there are several items/people/magical objects from the Ranma side that would be too obvious in use.
Storm trooper effect works against good guys as well.
No matter how strong you are, there is always a teenager able to beat you without breaking a sweat.
A blind Paladin can only hear half truths
A deaf Paladin can only see half truths
Either way the Paladin is a berserker
WG_Writer
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Posts: 1086
 

Re: Obtaining the blade

Postby WG_Writer » Wed Sep 01, 2010 10:05 pm

ok, here is the revised scene

Two figures stood alone near a building, from all appearances the house seemed to be fitting for an upper middle class family as it was larger than most could afford, but not excessively so. One figure was clearly male and shown to be a teenager in the dim moonless night light, the other was even further hidden within darkness however the fact she appeared to be wearing a tailored uniform of some sort showed her more mature build.

Neither looked at each other as was the agreement, both stood facing away, the teen in a low Branch of a tree and the other at the base of it out of line of sight. Neither could see the other and yet they conversed. It started polite enough as each asked about the other and happenings. Both also lied through some of it, yet both were well aware of the truth. It was a word dance more than anything else, to throw off anyone who might be listening what the true meanings of their past was. Both preferred to keep secrets and knew that truths hurt, especially in ways you which to protect against.

Despite neither looking at each other both knew each other’s appearance well enough. However should they be seen talking they have plausible deniability on their side. Soon enough the small talk ended and both were sure the other was who they were supposed to be and the true conversation began.

Looking off into space the female of the pair stated simply, “It begins tomorrow.”

The male closed his eyes and focused his thoughts before reopening them, “So I gathered, it was either that or something bad.”

Shaking her head other continued, “Just remember to tag along, no matter what.”

A snort was the response, “What about the others?”

“Mine or yours?”

“Both.”

This time she sighed, “I will deal with mine, they will be ready when you arrive, as will you. As to yours let the cards fall where they may, you going along for the ride is most important, anything else will be meaningless in the long run. Although there are contingencies available, I would prefer not to use them.”

He stiffened with slight worry, “And the short run?”

This time she closed her eyes briefly before saying, “That is beyond what I can tell you. Beyond what I can know or so I am told. All I do know is that if you do not tag along this time...” She paused then continued, “The last batch of troubles will be nothing compared to the next and none of us will be prepared.”

Looking at her watch she stated, “Time’s up, code word next time is Eternal.”

Before both leapt off of the roof he smiled, “No need to worry, I’ll have my sword by then; after all, Ranma Saotome doesn’t lose.”

After he leapt off she moved as well and disappeared into a black void. Trailing her though were the words whispered on the wind, “You might have to this time, for all our sakes.” Reappearing across the city she looked into another set of eyes before turning away.

Both figures mumbled, “Silence”

She began, “It begins tomorrow.”

Her companion this time was impossible to see by normal eyes, his response was hard as long as she knew him there was always the edge to him beneath the surface. She was seeing it again for the first time in over thirty years. Thirty years of being apart doing their jobs. And his response was short, “I know.”

She knew her companion still had not gotten over the event. Still because of that screw up, there was hope. Looking towards something distant in the sky, beyond any known planet or star, her gaze lingered on something as if it were there only for her, she touched a small ring of what was once wood on her finger and noticed the other had left. Letting her hands fall the ring felt heavier now then it had a moment ago, she mumbled out to herself, “Paths not taken.”

She shook her head, she knew her oaths and no matter the cost she would see them through.
Storm trooper effect works against good guys as well.
No matter how strong you are, there is always a teenager able to beat you without breaking a sweat.
A blind Paladin can only hear half truths
A deaf Paladin can only see half truths
Either way the Paladin is a berserker
WG_Writer
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Posts: 1086
 

Re: Obtaining the blade

Postby DCG » Thu Sep 02, 2010 12:31 am

Still one hell of a hook warg, any one reading that will want more.
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Re: Obtaining the blade

Postby WG_Writer » Sat Sep 04, 2010 3:03 am

Ok here is the next part, Tell me if anything is an obvious cross over, there really shouldn't be also tell me if the plot has become obvious yet. while I know where its going I need feedback to ensure max confusion. I know some of it is more tell and not show but with the story going the way it is I need to keep certain details quiet until the end.


The next day was Sunday, however nothing seemed out of the ordinary for the entire day, until late afternoon that was. Ranma knowing some of what was to occur tried to be prepared, he had attempted to mitigate disaster, and yet for all he could do it was doomed to fail. Briefly he had considered paying Nabiki off to give her a way to make money, but even he could realize the problems in this. So he tried his plan anyway.

He started by calling Ukyo, “Listen Ukyo, I am going on a training trip so I need supplies. Can you whip me up some takeout and bring it to the school?”

He put up a half hearted attempt to prevent her from joining him, but listening to her he knew regardless what he said it would only end in failure on his part, he shrugged, he hated to do this to her but in order to protect her he decided he would risk the beat down he would get later.

Next was the hard part, he called the Cat Cafe and repeated the request only asking for Ramen, Shampoo was a solid warrior, but smart enough to see this was a setup she wasn’t. Hopefully his stunt by arranging for the two girls to be waiting for him at the same spot for the same reason should also tie up the others.

Timing was essential for this, it had to be done right, or he would miss the ‘bus.’ And that could not be allowed to happen.

There was simply no planning for the Kuno’s in any way so he let them alone, this left him with the remaining variables. Both families. Kasumi was easy as she was out shopping. But this lift his parents, and the three remaining Tendo family members.

He knew he had to get Akane out and time was running out. Looking at the clock he wracked his brain for ideas. There had to be something, anything that he could do. It was then that he had an idea, it was a risk, and it could hurt Akane, but it might solve most of the remaining trouble if not all of it. It took about ten minutes to walk to school and the others will be there in fifteen minutes. Time was short.

Slowly he started to pack his bag, he knew that the only one who would hear is Nabiki as the adults were in the sitting room and Akane was in the dojo. Nabiki however was reading Manga in her room. And at the sounds of him obviously shifting things in his travel pack she came to investigate. She smirked at the blackmail material in the making.

As she stalked towards her patsy she grinned, “So Saotome where are you going in such a rush?” Of course she had already made a guess.

Internally he smirked but showed no real sign of it, as he had intentionally kept his back turned, “Training trip.”

Clicking her tongue in her mouth she smiled wider, as she circled her prey, intentionally leaning down to look at him in his eyes, the fact it also made it easier for her to let him look down her shirt was a plus for coercion tactics, “Ohh really?” She tried to find a logical reason to connect his leaving suddenly to the other fiancées, and Ranma could see it, it was his plan, although if it were luck, design, or accident that he was right the effect was the same, she had spared a quick glance in the pack. “Really Ranma-kun you shouldn’t lie to me, I am almost your family, you are planning on running off with one of other fiancées or am I wrong?”

Ranma backed up a few steps, pack in hand sealing it, “Of course not!”

She wasn’t fooled, or so she thought, “Tisk tisk Ranma-kun you know you have no poker face. Now where are you going to meet them?”

He turned his back and went to a pile of scrolls that were set aside as if he were browsing them and shifted through them, He tried to ignore Nabiki and brush her off, “Look Nabiki I just don’t have time for this.” He casually left the room, ‘accidently’ leaving behind a note that was proof positive of his guilt, it simply had the place and time of the meeting, but not the attendees. After she took off to find Akane, Ranma returned to the room and hid in the closet, not creative, but he knew that everyone would rather dash out on a man hunt then to do something so basic.

It happened as he predicted, Akane charged into the room and confirmed he was gone, he also heard yelling from down stairs so he knew that the parents were now on the war path. Listening carefully he heard Akane leave the room in a huff and her heave angry steps as she took off to the lower level, more muffled yelling came then it faded away.

Mission accomplished, now he just had to wait. Ranma grinned as he came out of hiding and used the technique to hide things on him to hide his pack, it was small enough to not be an issue despite his still not being as good as Mousse was. All it really contained was a couple changes of clothes, some rations, and ‘light’ camping gear. ‘Light’ meaning a small tent barly big enough for him, a small bedroll and light blanket. And a few small cooking items, in truth the entire size of the pack was smaller than some what he saw some students use.

He spared a pitied glance at his old heavy pack but it was done, shrugging he knew realistically there was no saving it or taking it, so his options were limited. He left behind anything he did not think he would need, sure he knew something was going to happen but the ‘what’ was the question. This was why he tried so hard to get everyone away, disaster was coming and he had to get involved.

He knew his ally fairly well and she always delivered on what he needed to know when she did show. But she had her duties and he was at the moment a means to the end that those he believed were behind her needed. Even so the sword was important.

As Ranma moved down stairs to wait by the door to the yard and wait he thought back to his learning of the sword and what would lead up to now.

--

Ranma was ten and had in months past just left Ukyo and the Neko-ken in his wake, one he missed the other he wished to be rid of permanently. He was currently alone in a field that his father had decided to use. As was usually the case in the summer especially during school breaks, he was nowhere near a town, village, or any sign of civilization. All there was was him and a pole in the ground. His father had decided that it was time for some control exercises and endurance training. So he was to keep hitting the wooden pole in marked patterns without breaking it. He glanced to his side where stacks of both broken and unbroken poles piled showing that his father was right about him not knowing his strength anymore and needing to adjust.

Sighing he went to continue the practice when someone had made their presence known. Looking at the stranger with concern as there should be nobody near except his pop he listened as the stranger spoke, “You have determined eyes young one. Eyes that scream that you want to be the best.”

The young boy nodded unsure what to say, he wanted to shout out about becoming the number one martial artist in the world and yet this stranger who was standing in the dark shadow of an old tree made his young mind uneasy.

“I can see the future for some people.”

The child remained quiet hoping his Pop would return soon.

The stranger continued, “Your future is one with much suffering, but that is why I am here.” The man step forward slightly however anything that could easily identify him beyond him looking as old as his pop was hidden by his business attire. Somehow this made him seem even more dangerous. “I have not come to hurt you but I need to leave an impression, this way you will understand when you are older.”

The old man in a black business suit sighed at Ranma’s look of worry and confusion, “I will not hurt you and will leave in a moment, but I need to say this. You will face may trials in your life, Your first big one is learning to change, this will be a hard one, and you will be hurt by it. But remember change happens, and it can never be undone, but change can happen again if the time is right. Next comes humility, this will be hard but it something you need to do. Finally, Sacrifice, what are you willing to pay to win when all is on the line? Just remember dying is easy, living is hard.” As the stranger stepped back into the shadow and seemed to vanish into it a final parting phrase is heard, “Once you endure these challenges, these trials, seek your sword, it’s your birth right as the first born."

Ranma broke himself from the memory, he never told his father about the stranger, but that was only his first encounter with the mysterious group.
Storm trooper effect works against good guys as well.
No matter how strong you are, there is always a teenager able to beat you without breaking a sweat.
A blind Paladin can only hear half truths
A deaf Paladin can only see half truths
Either way the Paladin is a berserker
WG_Writer
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Moon Senshi
Posts: 1086
 


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