Howdy!
Here is a beta of the next chapter of "Out of Time". Please let me know what you think.
Thanks in advance.
http://home.austin.rr.com/trimatter/Roughs/OoT_PB1.html
OoT,ch3 wrote:"Ahh... your Moko Takabisha," commented Genma thoughtfully. "Using your confidence to power your ki. That was always your best technique."
OoT,ch3 wrote:Biting her lip and mind racing, Akane tried to recall all she could about the technique. "Auntie, I don't want to alarm you, but..." then her voice trailed off for only a second before continuing, "from what I remember, the person has to be very depressed - almost borderline suicidal."
OoT,ch3 wrote:"My colleagues - that is, Drs. Hiyowai and Tofu
OoT,ch3 wrote:"What have you done to instill that sense of honor in your children?" Soun asked as sharp as a knife. "You know what I'm talking about, don't act so ignorant. I'm talking about Myu, or are you forgetting the abortion she had to have last year? She was thirteen years old at the time and cares more about the sins of the flesh than her own personal honor."
OoT,ch3 wrote:The doctor pursed his lips in thought. After a moment's silence he looked at Nodoka with his head cocked to one side. "The odds of Ranma developing a strict heterosexual lifestyle as a male are about the same as being hit by a meteor and struck by lightning at the same time."
damn the angst is getting thicker but still good Tri-Ojisan.
Angst is good. Angst is tasty. Angst is the spice what makes the few moments of joy and bliss (there will be some of them coming up later on, right?) feel ever sweeter.
I agree, awfully angsty ... but given the situation much more reasonable that Ranma suddenly thinking that everything is okay and life is all good with nothing bad to worry about.
Good chapter. I do hope it lightens up soon though (g). Ranma's been through so much.
That may be strange and freaky, but i can understand Genma... And even agree with him on some level...
Enjoyed reading it in general, but one thing I don't understand.. wouldn't Akane and Kasumi have married into their husbands families, and hence wouldn't their children be members of those families and not Tendos?
It never was, and Genma should know this. Actually, Ranma hardly ever used that move, because its utility is rather limited -- in fact, in two of Ranma's biggest victories, it would have been virtually useless. And in one other, it would have been counterproductive.
Having Genma call it that smacks of Idiot Plot Device.
Akane's memory sure has dropped into the toilet, especially for someone who's not even forty years old. This also smacks of Idiot Plot Device.
Tofu is his first name, NOT his family name.
OUCH. Holy shit was this ever callous. Especially since it's none of his business.. Frankly, Kasumi would have been well within her rights never to speak to her father again after a comment like that.
The entire conversation up to this reeks so strongly of Idiot Plot Device that it practically bowled me over even though I saw it coming virtually from the start. This also ranks as a first-class piece of Ham-Fisted Melodrama, to a degree that is hard to believe.
Especially since this "doctor" hardly even knows Ranma; he's operating on at best second-hand information, some of it flawed.
Frankly, it was handled so poorly that I really don't think I can continue reading this. Sorry.
This is a boring emo Ranma, that I just don't understand.
I don't see ranma reacting like that in any way.
Every one else is screwed up to, but that could easly be part of the fic if Ranma was on the ball.
Only one worth reading about right now is Nodoka.
Trimatter wrote:Okay, can you narrow this down for me? I know Ranma had developed the move to counter Ryoga's Shi Shi Hokodan and he had used it I think once after that. I chose that particular one because it is emotion driven and uses contrasting emotions that the Shi Shi Hokodan uses. Can you suggest a tweak?
No, Akane's memory hasn't "dropped into the toilet", but it has been 22 years. I'm 43 years old and I don't recall things that I did when I was 21 years old precisely and neither does anyone else - or Akane. It is easy to think that memory is a solid thing, but it is very fluid. Expecting Akane to remember anything that happened 22 years ago with clarity would be unreasonable.
Trimatter wrote:Should I tweak this or let it stand?
Trimatter wrote:There's that term again - that doesn't mean anything as far as I can find. Ham-fisted Melodrama? How? And more importantly what to you suggest I do to fix it? While you flow your comments freely, nuclear death frog, you offer nothing to help me to improve this.
Trimatter wrote:It was mentioned that Ranma had been back for about two months. Seeing a doctor like this (especially when first starting out) is usually a two or three times a week affair (if not more, if the doctor thinks it is necessary) which means that the doctor has had approximately twelve to eighteen (if not more) sessions with Ranma - more than enough to formulate a professional opinion. Should I detail that fact somewhere in the chapter or let it go?
Having screwed up characters is part of the fun... Hmmm... are you also saying that there wasn't enough interaction with Ranma and these characters?
Are you saying I didn't develop anyone else's character enough to make them interesting or just that Nodoka's character was the one that stood out the most?
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