I've been meaning to play this game for ages, but have never gotten around to owning my own copy. Sadly, the local video stores do not rent the counsoul version I can actually play.
Don't bother with the console versions. PC is where its at. The console versions aren't even being updated anymore, I think.
Final snippet. Blame riddle for its shortness.
(Really, I didn't want this to spread on too long.)
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Then, just a few days before his eleventh birthday, he received a letter in the mail. (retconned last line for last snippet)
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“Hogwarts?” Harry read in disbelief within the cramped confines of his cupboard under the stairs. It wasn't so much the name of the school with drew his befuddlement, but rather its claim of providing education in
witchcraft and wizardry, of all things.
With an amused grunt, Harry dismissed the letter as a scam and crushed it in his fist.
The next morning, there were two letters, both identical, and both announcing he had been accepted at this 'Hogwarts'; both suffered the same fate.
The third day, however, Petunia was the one who picked up the mail. Her reaction to the four Hogwarts letters she found there was... unexpected.
“VERNOOOOON!!” she shrieked, her face white as a sheet.
Apparently, the Dursleys believed in witchcraft and wizardry?
Interesting.
Unfortunately, he didn't have the occasion to consult Heavy for advice; Vernon's reaction was to pick up the whole family, Harry included, and drive them off to some island somewhere. And that's how Harry met Hagrid, a man even bigger than Heavy—but nowhere near as awesome—who took him to London and introduced him to the wizarding world. There, Harry learned that the letter he'd initially disregarded as a joke was all-too-real, and that he was a wizard.
More importantly, however, he discovered his Gringot's vault.
“I am going to buy a very, very big gun,” Harry announced, his eyes glinting in undiluted joy.
Heavy was actually surprised when he told of his latest adventure the next time they met. At first he remained disbelieving, but a few flicks of his brand new magic wand and a handful of gold galleons later, the heavyset man was starting to believe.
“I am sorry,” Heavy said, finally admitting defeat, “I have seen things that came close to magic in the past; there was that man's never-ending ammunition dispenser, or that backstabbing scumbag's invisibility watch... but every time, it was science. Technology. This seems to be the real thing, though.”
“It is, it is!” Harry assured, still grinning; he hadn't stopped grinning since the minute he'd set foot in Diagon Alley. “Can you tell me where you bought Sasha? I've got enough now that I probably can—”
“Probably can buy. Maybe. But can you keep her? Will Uncle let you hide her in your room? Can you carry it anywhere?”
“Ah...” Harry frowned. “I... guess not.”
Heavy smiled and put a hand on his shoulder. “Become stronger. Then get gun.”
Harry nodded purposefully.
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“This is all very touching,” Voldemort noted a little impatiently, “but I'm afraid if this goes on much longer, I will have to interrupt you. Are you going somewhere with this?”
Harry grinned a bit. “Yeah, but I guess I can speed up a little. Let's see. We both remember how things went in my first year, with me kicking your sorry arse across the castle—”
“Quirrell's, not mine,” Voldemort interrupted. “The fool let himself get beaten up by an eleven years old, for shame.”
“Then a year after, you failed to grab hold of Ginny—”
“Who? Oh, never mind. Just hurry.”
“—thank you, because she found her courage and dropped your diary on Professor Dumbledore's lap.”
Voldemort shot a murderous look at Malfoy, who cowered.
“Then the year after, there was that whole mess with Sirius Black, and Pettigrew,” Harry turned to stare at the ratty man, whose nose was notably crooked. “Didn't heal right, did it?”
Pettigrew squeaked.
“Well, after that, Heavy and I decided I was strong enough, and with his help I finally ended up buying my gun. Let me show you...”
Harry reached into robe pocket. And out came...
...well, it was probably a good thing the Death Eaters were all pureblooded elitists who had never as much as heard of guns in the past, because the massive Gatling gun he pulled out of his dimensionally enlarged pocket would have caused an outbreak of incontinence.
“This is Lily. She weighs one-hundred and thirty kilograms, three hundred and seventy without her lightning charm, and fires four hundred galleons custom-tooled self-reloading cartridges at twenty thousand rounds per minute. And she has something to tell you all.”
Harry pointed the cannon at the death eaters, who suddenly seemed to realize they were in deep, deep trouble.
The gun started spinning—
“CRY SOME MORE!!!”
Half a minute later, the once again disembodied soul of Voldemort stared down in disbelief at the disassembled, bleeding, shattered, annihilated and very, very
dead remains of his most loyal followers. If he could have sighed, he would have.
'Back to the drawing board, I guess...'------
Author's notes: If I can be bothered, I might do one of these for the other classes too. So far I've got some inspiration for Scout, Spy and Medic, but nothing all that definite.
Canonically, Team Fortress happens in 1968 (if TF2Wiki can be believed). Assuming Heavy to be thirty during the game, that brings his age to 53 in 1991.
[20:42] <@DCG> My spam folder seem to think i need a biger dick, biger boobs, and a new watch.
[20:42] <@DCG> wtf would i need a new watch for?
As good as permanent inhabitant of the #fukufics chatroom.
Kick my ass, recieve chapter. Eventually. Maybe.