The Black Hands of NERV chapter 7

[bissek]

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or Noir.

The Black Hands of NERV
By bissek
Chapter 7
The Fourth Child

Dr Descroix looked over the report discussing the current status of the Le Petit Retour project. He’d been able to gather a significant portion of the equipment and materials needed for the project, but there was one critical item missing that he needed to acquire before the project could actually start. That was why he was meeting with Breffort again.

“What is it Doctor?” Breffort’s tone made it clear that he had better have a good reason for requesting a second meeting so soon after the previous one.

“We have gathered most of the material we need to begin the Le Petit Retour project. After examining the remains of the initial selection for the template, we have found that the tissue is in excellent condition and we are already creating a tissue culture for cloning. We don’t have a cloning tank of a size capable of creating a new body, but we do have the plans for scaling up some of the tanks used for mass producing bacteria and simple plant tissue by some of the companies we have influence over. We should have a tank large enough to be of use to us within the month.

“The personality imprint system we already have in place. We were fortunate in that the chosen subject had been used in a test of the system a few months ago. Once we have a body, we can download the personality matrix into it whenever we wish. The memories of the subject won’t be totally up to date, as the imprint was taken some time before the subject’s demise, but that shouldn’t matter. We also have commissioned a full-body myostimulation device to condition the clone’s body to the same physical condition as the original. But there is one problem.

“According to the research we acquired from NERV, in order to prevent a clone made from a lifeform more complex than the ones manufactured by our biotech subsidiaries from suffering from deteriorating, we need to add a stabilization factor to the tissue culture. There is only one stabilization factor mentioned in the reports that is proven to work. Unless we wish to spend several years trying to find a new factor, we will need to acquire a tissue culture of Angel DNA from NERV before the project can proceed.”

Breffort appeared to consider this, and then nodded. “Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Doctor. Continue assembling the equipment you need. Dismissed.”

After the doctor left, Breffort considered where he could possibly get a piece of an Angel. While Soldat-controlled companies were involved in making components for the Evangelions, those components were all in the mechanical areas. Most of the NERV branches were out, as well. SEELE had done a good job at keeping his agents out of them. The only branch that Les Soldats had managed to penetrate significantly was NERV HQ in Tokyo-3, and that was mainly because Ikari had been their man since before Second Impact, and they could use him to slip agents in. Outside of a couple in the Berlin branch of GERHIRN that was forced to transfer out in order to facilitate an early stage of Les Grand Retour (And were killed in a late stage of it), the only Soldat agents in NERV branches outside of Tokyo-3 had started there and transferred to the other branches. And those were few and poorly positioned. If Angel tissue was needed, it would have to be obtained from Tokyo-3.

Using Ikari to get the sample would be the easiest method, but also the riskiest. As Supreme Commander of NERV, he was under the direct scrutiny of SEELE. While he might have the authority to obtain a sample and do whatever he wanted with it, it might invite questions as to why that could compromise his position. And if Ikari was removed from his position, Breffort did not have any candidate to replace him likely to get approved by the UN. No, first he would send a message to some of the lower level agents in place to see if it was possible to get the sample through a less conspicuous method first. Ikari’s involvement in the acquisition should be kept to a minimum.


The flight from Paris to Tokyo-3 was uneventful. Kirika and Mireille spent the flight going over what information was available concerning the Angels and the Evangelions at their need-to-know level. Upon arriving, they were greeted by a security team from Section 2. They were quickly taken to a car and driven to the GeoFront. Once there, the two were escorted to the Commander’s office.

The first thing that came to the minds of Noir was that they had fought battles in areas smaller than this office. The place was enormous. The apparent size was made much larger by the lack of furnishings. Normal offices tended to be decorated with various items, either tools for their current work or trophies from previous jobs. But there were no bookcases holding reference manuals, no filing cabinets containing important documents. The walls did not have any photographs, diplomas, certificates or memorabilia hanging from them. Apart from the Commander’s desk, the only decoration visible was a strange symbol painted on the wall behind the desk, which appeared religious but was not familiar to either of them.

As they approached the Commander’s desk, they noted the absence of extra chairs. That actually made the lack of other furnishings more understandable. The size of the office was meant to intimidate people due to the importance that size implied. The total lack of furnishings was intended to emphasize that size, and keep any visitor’s attention focused to the one occupied point in the room – the Commander’s desk. The missing chairs meant that no visitor would ever be offered a seat, and that made friendly meetings highly unlikely. One look at the Commander, who watched the approaching duo with his hands folded in front of his face without moving a muscle confirmed their observation. This was a man who sought to dominate and control.

Gendo Ikari stared at the two for a moment, then addressed Kirika. “Pilot Yumura.”

“Sir.” Kirika replied.

“You will report to Dr Akagi for a full physical. Once you have been cleared as fit to pilot, you will be assigned to Captain Katsuragi’s command. She will inform you of your training schedule once it is ready. Ms. Bouquet.”

“Sir.” Mireille replied.

“You are assigned to Captain Arima’s command. You are to report these at once. That is all.”

The last sentence was clearly meant for both of them. The two turned and walked out. After leaving the office, the two had to wonder – why had the Commander insist that they meet in person just to explain their postings? He could just as easily had those orders passed on by a junior officer the moment they entered the base. Arranging to meet new hires in person just to exchange a total of ten sentences with them wasn’t a good use of a Commander’s time, even if one of those new hires was filling a critical position. And given that Kirika was only the fourth person that NERV could find in a population of three billion capable of filling that critical position, one would expect that he’d want to spend more time with her. They wordlessly agreed that they’d need to talk about what they observed at NERV later in the day as they parted to head for their separate destinations.


Captain Arima of Section 2 appeared to be far more sociable than Commander Ikari was. He explained that Kirika had been assigned to quarters in the same building as two of the other pilots, and would be going to the same school. Mireille’s main duty was to stay close to her ward when she was not actually in school or the GeoFront, so as to provide a close guard that most people would disregard. She was also to serve as guard over the other two pilots staying in the building whenever she was in their general area. Mireille didn’t have the heart to explain that unless the rest of the security team she worked with were ex-Special Forces, the entire team, Mireille included, wouldn’t be the equal of the girl they would be guarding.

After getting checked on her sidearm, Mireille was told to go to city hall and fill out some paperwork concerning her status as a foreign national working in Japan. Then she was to get herself set up in the apartment that she had been assigned.

City hall was bustling at the time that Mireille arrived. A meeting of the city council was about to start and council members were rushing back and forth between various offices, picking up various reports that they would use to back up their own arguments on certain issues or refute the arguments of others. As one of the councilmen passed Mireille, a sheet of paper fell out of a folder he was carrying. Mireille picked up the paper and glanced at it.

The paper was an email, with the header stating that it had come from NERV. It listed numerous issues that were going to be brought up at the meeting and how NERV wanted the councilman to vote. While Mireille was highly familiar with the concept of corrupted officials, the scale shown by the variety of issues discussed on the message was something new to her. NERV was apparently trying to get control over virtually everything in the city.

Since the council meeting was an open session, Mireille decided to observe it while filling out the various forms. While doing so, Mireille kept an eye on the official who had dropped the paper and the paper itself. It was an interesting experience. Sometimes the official would champion the cause he had been instructed to back, and would convince everyone else to agree to it. Sometimes he would come out supporting an opposing resolution, and would allow himself to be convinced to agree to the original position. Yet other times he would let other people propose various solutions, then come up with a compromise solution that just happened to be the one he had been ordered to get passed.

But no matter how the debates progressed, the same thing happened every time. If the issue being discussed was mentioned on the email, then the decision made by the council was invariably the one decreed in the email. And the only issues brought up by the council that were not on the email were trivial matters such as whether or not to sign the minutes of the previous week’s meeting.

There was only one way that this could be possible as far as Mireille could tell: The entire council had received similar instructions, and this entire meeting was just a choreographed farce to present the illusion that the council was actually doing something other than parroting someone else’s decisions. NERV wasn’t trying to control the city – they already did.

The strange thing was that most of the things on the day’s agenda weren’t matters that an organization dedicated to fighting off monsters was likely to care about. So why did NERV want to have such absolute control of the community?


Ritsuko Akagi began her examination of the Fourth Child. With her arrival, NERV was finally safe from the consequences of Shinji suffering a second collapse. Hopefully there wouldn’t be an incident due to the fact that the Fourth happened to have the same first name as the Third’s missing sister. As she started the examination, Ritsuko kept having this sensation of déjà vu. She couldn’t figure out why, but something about the girl was extremely familiar. It wasn’t just the coincidence about the name.

Shaking her head, Ritsuko forced herself to focus on the task at hand. Kirika’s body dimensions were nearly identical to Rei’s. That meant that that they could the Fourth use a spare plug suit of the First’s until some new ones could be commissioned. That was good news. The implications of another observation were definitely bad news. The reports sent from the European branch of NERV stated that the Fourth had been wounded while dealing with the unknown parties that had attacked her shortly after she had been identified as a pilot. The report had not mentioned the bullet scars on her side or right arm. Nor had it mentioned the thin scar at the base of her throat that stated that somebody had once tried to strangle her with a garotte. All of those injuries had healed completely. That meant that the attempts on her life hadn’t started when she was identified as a pilot, but nearly a year previous. This was about the same time as she would have been given the initial testing from the Marduk Institute.

Ritsuko was privy to more of the secrets of NERV and SEELE than most. She knew that whenever a child with strong pilot potential was identified, SEELE would quietly arrange for the parents of the child to get a job offer in Tokyo-3. This strategy both put them in a position where they could be watched in case some organization tried to target them, and made recruiting them in the event that any of them were conclusively identified as a Child simpler. Over ninety percent of the world’s potential pilots were living in Tokyo-3, most of them attending the same school that all the pilots were in. With the potential pilots being casually watched, and the actual pilots under active Section 2 protection the moment they were identified (With the exception of Shinji, who was still quietly watched in the time between his identification and actual recruitment), none of the pilots or potential pilots were easy targets. Except for Kirika Yumura, the one girl whose parents weren’t contactable at the time of the initial identification. And from a causal glance, it appeared that she had been forced to deal with at least four murder attempts in the past year. Was somebody trying to kill off pilot candidates before they could become actual pilots? Was somebody in the Marduk Institute passing information to the killers before safety precautions could be taken?

Ritsuko resolved to bring that possibility up with the Commander later on. She finished collecting basic measurements, saved the data, and then set the analysis programs to start working on the blood sample she’d taken. The program had barely been running for five minutes when the power abruptly went out.


Gendo Ikari considered the new pilot and her guardian. Normally he wouldn’t have bothered to meet with the new pilot unless he had something of substance to discuss with them. But his superiors in Les Soldats had instructed him to keep them informed of the Fourth’s activities, as well as those of her guardian. As such, he decided that it was important to meet them in person and attempt to get their measure.

His first impression of the two was that they were dangerous. The reported body count from the attempt on their lives the month before had implied this, but there was no way to tell from that report who had been responsible for all the bodies. It could have been one person doing all the fighting and the other just running. Watching the way they moved, it was apparent that both of them had been fighting in that battle. From that, he concluded that the Fourth was somebody that Les Soldats considered to be either a threat or a potential recruit. And it would be his reports that would help his superiors decide which of those options they would decide on.

As he noted this, he also considered the possibility of recruiting the girl for either SEELE or simply himself. Anyone skilled enough to be worthy of consideration for recruitment as an agent for one side in this scenario was worthy of similar consideration by the others, after all. And somebody who Les Soldats considered a potential threat might be a useful tool to have on hand if they discovered that his scenario did not coincide with whatever scenario they had planned. Strange, though… for some reason the Fourth Child looked familiar to him…

As he was trying to figure out why that was the case, the power went out.


While Dr Akagi and Commander Ikari were both considering the Fourth Child, a technician named Masahiro Ishikawa was doing inventory work in one of the secure storage facilities deep in Central Dogma. While checking the objects in the various storage bins against what was supposed to be there could have been done by Section 2, Commander Ikari wanted a degree of assurance that the items in the bins were actually what the tags claimed them to be. Any untrained person could check to see if something was missing, but in order to check that an item hadn’t been replaced with a facsimile, you needed the skills of someone who something about the objects being examined. As such, the inventory was done by technicians, who were supervised by Section 2 agents as a security precaution.

Even with the extra responsibility of examining the stored items for replacement, inventory was a mind-numbing task. Go to a bin, check what’s in it, check what’s supposed to be in it, make sure the two lists match, go to the next bin and repeat. He went through that procedure over and over for several hours, until he reached bin A2-243-501. Looking at the bin, he saw that it contained a small container that had been carefully sealed. Looking at the inventory file, he saw that the bin was supposed to be empty.

Thinking that somebody must have misfiled it, he opened the bin and examined the container. The container was a Bakelite freeze unit mean for storing items in cryogenic suspension. A quick check revealed that every item that was supposed to be stored in deep freeze was supposed to have been filed in a bin he had already examined – and had been exactly where they should have been. Whatever was in the container, it was not supposed to be here. Taking out a portable scanning device, he examined the frozen contents. What he found shocked him. For this unexplained container held a piece of an Angel. A piece that was still alive.

Masahiro was an extremely minor agent of Les Soldats. Just this morning he had received instructions from his controller that he was to try to see if there was a way to appropriate some Angel tissue, and now a sample that wasn’t accounted for anywhere was right in front of him. The presence of the unexplained Angel sample did have some disturbing implications, however. Did this mean that somebody else was trying to achieve the same goal that Les Soldats was?

Suddenly, the power cut out. All lights in the storeroom went off. Taking advantage of the opportunity, Masahiro hid the container in an inside pocket of his lab coat. He would send off the sample and a report on how he came by it after his shift. Nobody could have seen him take it in the darkness, and how does one investigate the disappearance of something that couldn’t be proven to have been there in the first place?


While the staff inside the GeoFront was going about its business, the first three Children were getting out of school. They had been told that the Fourth Child had arrived and that they were to report in. If an accident occurred while the Fourth underwent her first sync test, things would be easier to resolve if there was another Evangelion on hand to deal with the problem.

What little conversation there was between the three pilots concerned the newest pilot. All that they had been told about the Fourth for certain was that the Fourth was a she and was apparently from France. It took less than a minute for the three to realize that they weren’t able to infer any additional information about her. The rest of the trip continued in silence.

When they reached the entrance to the GeoFront, the three encountered a problem. The door locks were all broken. Attempting to phone in revealed that all the cell towers were down. Turning to look back at the city, they realized that all the lights had gone out. The entire city power grid had gone down for some reason.

While Shinji and Asuka were wondering what they should do, Rei pulled a regulation manual out of her pocket. Consulting it, she announced that in a situation like this, they were to make their way into headquarters. She then walked away from the main entrance and approached a ventilation duct. The other two pilots helped her remove the grille, and then they entered the shaft.


Gendo entered the bridge.

“What’s going on?” He demanded.

“Something’s wrong with the city’s generator. Ninety eight percent of the output circuits have gone offline. We’ve been able to get in contact with engineering, but only by sending runners down to pass messages manually. They’re trying to get the power grid back online, but they’re not certain how long it will take.” Replied a technician.

“Concentrate on keeping Terminal Dogma online and restoring the rest of the power grid. All other considerations are secondary.”

“But Sir! That will mean cutting power to life support!”

“Do it!”

Just then, a runner came in the bridge. “Sir, we’ve just gotten a report from the surface. There’s an Angel approaching the city!”

Gendo growled in irritation. The timing was terrible. An attack was coming just as they were least able to do anything about it. He turned to the runner. “Get to Dr Akagi’s office and tell her to get the Fourth Child to the EVA hangers immediately. I’ll have them start launch preparations myself.”

Then the commander and the runner were both out of the bridge, desperately running towards their destinations in the hope that things would be ready in time.


It took a great deal of physical effort, but the crews were able to get the Evangelions ready to accept entry plugs and loaded with extra battery cells. Pallet rifles had been dragged from storage to a point where they could be easily reached by the pilots upon launch. NERV was ready for battle, save for one point. All they had for pilots was one untried girl. The other pilots were not to be found.

There was a loud noise from the ceiling. The noise repeated several times. People looked up. A section of ventilation piping that had been struck by a swinging battery pack while the crews were trying to winch it into place was groaning. Apparently something with significant mass was inside of it, placing additional strain on the weakened shaft. With a groan, the section of piping broke open, dropping three people into the hanger.

Gendo faced the newly arrived pilots. “Suit up. An Angel has been spotted approaching the city. I want the Evangelions deployed as soon as possible.”

The two girls nodded their understanding. Shinji did not. He had been on the bottom of the group that had fallen, and had struck his head when landing. Ritsuko gave him a brief examination. He was alive, but unconscious. Attempts to revive him failed, so she and a crewer picked him up and carried him to a spot where he wouldn’t be underfoot.

Gendo noted the situation, then stated. “Since the Third Child is incapacitated, the Fourth Child shall pilot Unit One in his place. Pilots, get to your Evangelions.”

Asuka started towards the lockers, then paused. “Wait a minute. Aren’t the Evangelions all set up to take commands in Japanese? The only one set up for multiple languages is mine, and it isn’t programmed to understand French!”

A voice Asuka had never heard before replied in perfect Japanese. “That won’t be a problem.”

Standing outside the girl’s locker was somebody that Asuka had never seen before. She was about Rei’s height, and had A-10 connectors in her hair. Beyond that, she couldn’t really tell in the dim emergency lighting. This was the Fourth Child.

“Pilots, prepare to launch.” Gendo repeated. Asuka ran to the locker room to suit up.


Kirika watched as the entry plug filled itself with LCL. After a few minutes, the plug was completely flooded. It took a time for her to adjust; the liquid smelled like blood to her experienced nose, and while she had seen and smelt blood plenty of times, she had never been obliged to breathe it before. But after a few breaths, her lungs adapted to being filled with liquid instead of air.

As Kirika gripped the controls, she felt something strange. It seemed almost like someone was watching her. As she looked around the entry plug, the sensation changed. It almost felt like some invisible person had recognized her and was welcoming her. Then the sensation faded away, and EVA-01 powered up.

A voice with a German accent came in over the com system. “Are you up, Fourth Child? Let’s get moving.”

Glad that she had been given the opportunity to study the operation manual for the Evangelion on her flight to Japan, she had her unit follow behind the other two as they crawled through the launch tunnels.

Controlling the Evangelion was difficult. It moved the way she expected it to, but it felt sluggish, like she was moving around with her muscles half-asleep. As somebody whose survival often depended on quick reflexes, this was troubling to her. She’d have to find some way to correct that if she wanted to fight to her full capabilities.

The three units crawled their way through the launch tunnels until they reached the point where the Angel was located. The Ninth Angel was positioned over a large vertical shaft. Periodically, odd sludge dropped down the shaft. The red Evangelion started into the vertical shaft, and was struck by some of the sludge. The unit then quickly retreated, a curse coming in over the com. The sludge was apparently quite acidic.

Kirika thought about the nature of the attack. If the Angel was letting the acid leave its body to drop down the shaft, then the acid was exiting the AT field. That implied that the AT field might be weak or absent at the point it was dropped from at the instant it dropped. Calling up sensor data, she figured out the depth of the shaft and started timing the period between acid drops.

The German voice came in again. “Alright, what are our options…”

“Quiet.” Kirika interrupted.

“What are you…”

“I cannot aim my shot accurately if you provide extra background noise. Please be quiet.”

Kirika slowly stretched her Evangelion’s arm out into the shaft, rifle pointed upwards. Then she concentrated on the sound of the falling acid. Using that to determine the point where the acid was coming from, she carefully aligned the rifle. Then she waited a moment, and fired a three round burst upwards.

The shots flew towards the Angel. They impacted at the center point of the Angel just as it was about to release more acid. The bullets impacted against the weakened point in the AT field and punched through. The acid that was forming was enough to eat away most of one bullet, but the other two pierced into the Angel’s body, causing it to collapse lifelessly.

There was a pause as the other pilots realized what had just happened. Kirika had just landed a lethal shot on their opponent while aiming by ear alone. Her EVA wasn’t even looking into the shaft at the time she fired, let alone up it. Finally, the German voice quietly said “Nice shot.”

“Thank you.” Kirika replied.

“Let’s get to the surface. It will probably be a while before they can send a team to retrieve our EVAs, and I’d rather wait outside than down in these shafts.”

“Agreed.” With that, Kirika followed the red EVA on a path that took them to the surface.


Three Evangelions were perched on a hillside overlooking Tokyo-3. Their entry plugs had been ejected, and their pilots were climbing out. As Asuka finished purging the LCL from her lungs, she turned and got a good look at the new pilot. And froze. She blinked, then looked again. Finally, she said “Gutes Leid! Werden Sie und Wundermädchen bezogen? (Good Grief! Are you and Wondergirl related?)”

The new pilot looked at Rei. Apart from the other girl’s albinism, they could have passed for sisters. The resemblance was made more obvious by the fact that they were wearing identical plug suits. She replied “Nicht daß ich bewußt bin (Not that I’m aware of.).”

Asuka wasn’t expecting the Fourth to be fluent in German. Switching to Japanese for the benefit of Rei, she said “I’m Asuka Langley Soryu,” offering her hand.

“Kirika Yumura.” The other replied, taking it.

The third girl approached and also introduced herself. “Rei Ayanami.”

Asuka looked at the new pilot. “You don’t look like you’re from France. Were your parents were immigrants?”

“I’m not French. I was just living there when I was recruited.”

Apparently the new pilot was nearly as uncommunicative as Rei. But there was something different about the short manner in which Kirika replied. With Rei there was a sense that she couldn’t be bothered with unnecessary speech. With Kirika it felt more like she wanted to be friends, but was forcing herself not to. As if she both wanted to and feared to take that step forward. Asuka wasn’t sure what to make of that.

The three stayed on the hillside, watching the scenery. After a while, the lights in the cityscape came back on. Shortly after that, a team arrived to transport the Evangelions back into the GeoFront.


With the power back on, Ritsuko restarted all the analysis programs that had been aborted by the sudden blackout. Most of the results of the physical she had saved before the power went out, but the analysis had just barely started when that had happened. Rapidly clicking boxes as to which tests to run, she started up the program and then left the office to get some coffee.

Returning after the coffee break ended up taking longer than she expected. The Commander had called her and asked her to get a team gathered to start the initial examination of the dead Angel. By the time she returned to her office, nearly an hour had passed. Ritsuko was surprised to see that the analysis had just finished when she got in.

Taking the results of the tests, she quickly realized that the reason it had taken so long was because she had accidentally clicked the box calling for a full DNA analysis along with all the tests she was supposed to have been running. She would have shrugged it off, but then she saw the results of the test.

“It couldn’t be…” She whispered to herself. “It just couldn’t be…”

But the results didn’t lie, and the MAGI estimated only a .00000057 percent chance of error. Ritsuko picked up a phone and made a call to Misato to have her bring the Fourth Child to her office. Then she made a second call to have a medic send Shinji over as well.


Shinji woke up to the semi-familiar ceiling of the NERV medical wing. After being given a quick checkup by a nurse, he was told that he’d be fine, given some aspirin to deal with the headache, and told that Dr Akagi wanted to see him for something.

As Shinji made his way to Akagi’s office, he overheard talk in the hallways about the battle that had occurred while he was out cold. Apparently the newest pilot had taken it down rather easily. That was a relief. He mentally kicked himself for not being able to join in the fight. He couldn’t protect his sister if he was unconscious in the…

As he entered Dr Akagi’s office, he froze. The girl next to Misato, she looked like… No, she didn’t just look like, she was! It was her, somehow, deep down, he knew it. It was her! She was here!

“Ki… Kirika?” He whispered.

The girl he knew had to be his sister turned and looked at him. “Yes?” She asked.

Dr Akagi got up, a sheaf of printouts in her hand. She looked at Kirika and said, “Shinji, this is Kirika, the Fourth Child. Kirika, this is Shinji, the Third. I believe that he’s been looking for you for some time Ms Yumura. Or should I call you Ms Ikari?”

With that, she laid the printouts onto a table. The top page read:

DNA Analysis Complete…
Subject: Yumura, Kirika
Immediate Genetic Ancestry: Ikari, Gendo; Ikari, Yui

Kirika looked down at the papers. But before she could make any reply, Shinji joyfully cried out “Imouto-chan!” and glomped his sister.


A/N: Gendo is a man who enjoys controlling others. But at the same time, he works for an organization that expects absolute obedience on pain of death. That isn’t a good combination for someone who isn’t at the top.

Kirika’s aim really is that good. In episode 3, when trapped in a casino with all the lights taken out, Kirika defeats a group of men with night vision goggles by breaking into the popcorn machine, scattering kernels around the floor, and aiming perfect kill shots from the sound of people walking across them.

Does Kirika speak German? Quite possibly. She is supposed to be fluent in several languages, which are never named. If one assumes that she can speak the language of every country she travels to in the anime, then she knows, at a minimum, Japanese, French, English, Italian, Russian, German, Chinese and possibly Spanish.

A lot of people are about to make a lot of highly inaccurate conclusions. But the important thing to note is that these conclusions are sensible from the perspective of the people making them and what they know at the time.

[CJN]

Great chapter. I have been quite absent from the forums for a while, so I skipped a few chapters.

Things starts to get really interesting now that the main cast finally met.

I did check up on a few Kirika pictures on the net, and sure she could be Shinji's sister by looks. Strange that I didn't think about that, I guess that there has been too many long-lost sibling stories in which they doesn't look related.

As for the Le Petit Retour project, I'm guessing that it will become a Chloe/angel mix.

[Moira]

“Gutes Leid! Werden Sie und Wundermädchen bezogen? (Good Grief! Are you and Wondergirl related?)”

"Gute Güte! Bist du und Wundermädchen verwandt?" Is a better german translation.

[bissek]

Thanks for the improved translation. I was just using what Babelfish gave me.

I wasn't even thinking of genuine character resemblance beyond whether it was plausible for Shinji to have a sister with that hair/eye color combination. I certainly can't find much of a resemblance between Kirika and Rei, though I'm invoking artistic license for reasons of plot down the line.

On Le Petit Retour, you're getting warm, CJN.

[Raneko]

My thoughts on the next chapter..

Next chapter...

Shinji's mental breakdown...

and Kirika goes postal!

Who,

Will,

Survive?

[CJN]

"Gute Güte! Bist du und Wundermädchen verwandt?" Is a better german translation.

It would be rude of Asuka to use du instead of Sie in this situation. (It's like not using -san suffix in Japanese.)

[bissek]

That might be true, I don't know German so I couldn't comment, but

1: This is a spontaneous outburst.
2: Asuka had no way of knowing that Kirika was fluent in German.

Kirika going postal? Be afraid. Be very afraid. I don't think Noir going postal could be stopped by anything short of a company of SAS commandos. Good thing that isn't happening.

[Moira]

It would be rude of Asuka to use du instead of Sie in this situation. (It's like not using -san suffix in Japanese.)

Well, even as native germen speaker i had to think how to explain that.
"Sie" is used as formal betweeen not related adults or by children to strangers.
"Du" is used between children, relatives and close friends, and by adults to adress children.

[Spokavriel]

“According to the research we acquired from NERV, in order to prevent a clone made from a lifeform more complex than the ones manufactured by our biotech subsidiaries from suffering from deteriorating, we need to add a stabilization factor to the tissue culture.

Need a comma after clone and subsidiaries. I also think deterioration or degradation would be better than repeating the from.

That meant that that they could the Fourth use a spare plug suit of the First’s until some new ones could be commissioned.

This sentence really got mangled. I'm guessing you wanted to say. 'That meant that they could use one of the First's spare suits until new ones could be commissioned for the Fourth.'

While checking the objects in the various storage bins against what was supposed to be there could have been done by Section 2, Commander Ikari wanted a degree of assurance that the items in the bins were actually what the tags claimed them to be.

This is a painful run on. Second sentence in a row starting with 'While' suggestion for replacement. 'He was checking some objects in various storage bins, against labeling done by Section 2, to make sure they contained what they were supposed to.

Any untrained person could check to see if something was missing, but in order to check that an item hadn’t been replaced with a facsimile, you needed the skills of someone who something about the objects being examined. As such, the inventory was done by technicians, who were supervised by Section 2 agents as a security precaution.

I think 'check that' should be replaced with verify. You already used check in the sentence. The last part of that sentence is a total muddle.

I'm also not sure about skills being needed. Really the entire rest of the paragraph this came out of is giving me a headache to try to be certain of what you are trying to say.

My suggestion would be to change it with
facsimile, you need a skilled technician who has experience with the samples. Being such it was his turn to inventory, while supervised by Section 2 agents as a security precaution.

Looking at the bin, he saw that it contained a small container that had been carefully sealed.

Bin is used 5 times in the paragraph this sentence came from. You clearly establish which bin at the end of the previous sentence so this could start with 'Looking into it' and ease the redundancy.

I don't want to copy and paste the very next sentence. You are repeating the same word at the start of sentences. Replacing Looking at with Checking would also help in that next immediate redundancy. It isn't the only place where you have this redundancy.

Reading through it is easy to spot where you used the same thing starting consecutive sentences or ending one sentence and starting the next.

DNA can be obtained from dead sources. It is done quite often. What you are depicting in this fic is what is commonly called a Live Cell Culture. I wish I was getting through this faster it has already been weeks to get this far with other things that popped up.

With LCL being Angel Blood you can get all the DNA you need from a hand towel used to wipe it up. It might take a while to extract but it would still be the whole DNA strand needed. I could see going for a Live Cell Culture to play it safe but there isn't anything in the earlier parts of this to show the need for the risk involved for that large a piece of Angel.

I don't know if it's just me having a bad month or something but there seem to be way too many timing queues. So many paragraphs are starting with when and while it's breaking up the story. I know it is important to show that things are concurrent but you are pointing it out too much.

While the staff inside the GeoFront was going about its business, the first three Children were getting out of school.

Staff is a bunch of people so I can't avoid feeling were and their fit better than was and its.

The Ninth Angel was positioned over a large vertical shaft. Periodically, odd sludge dropped down the shaft. The red Evangelion started into the vertical shaft, and was struck by some of the sludge.

Do you know any other description for "the shaft" because the redundancy here is a bit much.

The Ninth Angel was at the top of a vertical launch tube, dripping odd sludge down the shaft. As Unit 2 leaned out, looking up, the red Evangelion got hit by some of it.

Just my suggestion to clear up some redundancy.

The shots flew towards the Angel. They impacted at the center point of the Angel just as it was about to release more acid. The bullets impacted against the weakened point in the AT field and punched through. The acid that was forming was enough to eat away most of one bullet, but the other two pierced into the Angel’s body, causing it to collapse lifelessly.

Another case of redundancy.

Her shots flew towards the Angel impacting at its center point just as it was about to release more acid. The bullets penetrated its weakened AT field. The first shot was dissolved in the forming Angel Tear but the other two pierced into the Angels body causing it to collapse lifelessly.

“Let’s get to the surface. It will probably be a while before they can send a team to retrieve our EVAs, and I’d rather wait outside than down in these shafts.”

“Agreed.” With that, Kirika followed the red EVA on a path that took them to the surface.

The agreement already points out the destination so you could get away with there instead of the repeat of to the surface.

Were your parents were immigrants?”

The second were doesn't fit. Well actually the first or second could be removed and fix the sentence.

Good way to do a cliffhanger with this situation. How will she react to Shinji? Sorry it took so long but between the redundancies and other things that came up I couldn't get through this chapter any quicker.

[bissek]

Thanks for the comments. I've incorporated them into the copy of the fic on fanfiction.net.

I agree with the whole timing issue. The problem was that everything that happened in this chapter took place at close to the same time. I prefer more linear chapters whenever I can use them.

With LCL being Angel Blood you can get all the DNA you need from a hand towel used to wipe it up. It might take a while to extract but it would still be the whole DNA strand needed. I could see going for a Live Cell Culture to play it safe but there isn't anything in the earlier parts of this to show the need for the risk involved for that large a piece of Angel.

The fact that LCL is Angel blood isn't exactly common knowledge. However, the sample that Descroix is getting isn't exactly what he had in mind. The fact that EVAs are partially made from Angel tissue is more commonly known, and he was expecting that somebody would swipe a sample from wherever they grow the Angel tissue used to make them.

[Spokavriel]

I know another way to try to sync up a sequence like this. It's kinda Cleché but it could be used to ease some of the timing word redundancy.

Plot out the time line and figure out how long things take then use a clock 01:30 whatever or even use military time. That way you could have something that would still change showing that things are clearly overlapping chronologically. It's not easy but it is another option.