Strained Harmony, chapter 1

[Draconis Stelanaris]

Absolutly great. One question though, why do I get the impresion of a Blue Mage from FF with the way Ranma picked up the healing?
Most likely no one else will...
Must cut back on FFT:A...
Posible fic idea... *Wanders off mumbling*

[Sunshine Temple]

Another thing I noticed (sorry for being a bother) is a scene in the Italian restaurant: "leaving the fork and knife crossed in the center of an empty platter". Now I'm not that knowledgeable about proper dining etiquette (at least if I believe my ass of a brother ^_^) but I'm pretty sure that leaving the knife and fork crossed means that you dind't enjoy the meal. As I said I'm not a specialist but I think I'm right.

I found that strange as well. could be that ranma simply doesn't know. But it really means you are still not done eating (see Adolph Freiherr von Knigge - sorry German only) fits well into the scene though. Ranma has just devoured huge quantities of food and is signalling the waiter, (s)he still wants more.

Well, Ranma doesn't know what she's doing, and she does want more food. Look where Setsuna took her after that meal.
I think it works well enough.
Thanks for the corrections Dumble, I'll put them in when I get home from work.
Sorry Draconis, I never played any of the FF games
EDIT: Updated copy uploaded to the link at the start of this thread on v3b

[Drawde]

The blue mage's power is to learn his spells from his enemies. Any unusual spells that successfully hit the blue mage from the monsters, and are from the list, he learns. They're usually powerful, but you have to find the monsters who use them first.

[Draconis Stelanaris]

Sorry Sunny about the reference being one you are not familiar with (Not that familiar with it my self past the basic) But it does sound a lot like Ranma and what hapened with the healing.

[Sunshine Temple]

It's okay.
Ranma's powers will be explored in the next chapter. And they're not like the Blue Mage. They're something... different.

[Metroidvania]

It's okay.
Ranma's powers will be explored in the next chapter. And they're not like the Blue Mage. They're something... different.

Are they something similar to Peter Petrelli from Heroes?
As he's around someone, he kind of picks up their powers for a short period of time, and reading through it again, it looks like it could be a more permanent variant of the above....

[Sunshine Temple]

Are they something similar to Peter Petrelli from Heroes?
As he's around someone, he kind of picks up their powers for a short period of time, and reading through it again, it looks like it could be a more permanent variant of the above....

Nope. Not like that at all.
Not sure I should say much more.

[Ion-chan]

this fic reaks of awsomeness!!
good job you two!
now update before the rest of the lunatics around here get restless.....

[Sunshine Temple]

now update before the rest of the lunatics around here get restless.....

Thanks. Though one warning. Ch1 was huge. So give us *some* time to get ch2 written. heh

[ranger5]

We have, It's been a week or so already (g) (cringes waiting for the replies on Tomboy)
Anyway an awesome start. A couple of places where I think the sentence was changed and a word either left in or needed ... but so minor that it is virtually unnoticable. (and I'm still finding those when I re-read Tomboy... really need to edit each chapter again)
Excellent character building & growth. Hope to see more R/H interaction. Also wondering how he's managed not to meet the Inners ... or if they are some of Hotaru's friends they've met at the park ... and in civvies not worth the mention. Though if so I thought they'd get a mention.
Youns (intentional spelling) have done an excellent job. Anxiously awaiting the next bit.

[Sunshine Temple]

We have, It's been a week or so already (g) (cringes waiting for the replies on Tomboy)

Add me to the list that wants to see more Tomboy.

Anyway an awesome start. A couple of places where I think the sentence was changed and a word either left in or needed ... but so minor that it is virtually unnoticable. (and I'm still finding those when I re-read Tomboy... really need to edit each chapter again)

Anything stick out in specific?

Excellent character building & growth. Hope to see more R/H interaction. Also wondering how he's managed not to meet the Inners ... or if they are some of Hotaru's friends they've met at the park ... and in civvies not worth the mention. Though if so I thought they'd get a mention.

Thanks. Bulding, growth, and character interaction are the core of this fic.
Heh, Inners.

Youns (intentional spelling) have done an excellent job. Anxiously awaiting the next bit.

Thank you very much. Always a pleasure to hear from a peer. Same goes out to all the other writiers that commented. Thanks guys.
Hmm... youns trying for a sorta plural 2nd form?

[Ion-chan]

no problem though its great to see two of the better authors co-oping on a story.I'm looking forward to great things from you two !
....

[Nadrek]

"Ranma said lowly." - quietly?
" a bag filled with plunder" - well, it would seem that Ranma may be acquiring the hint of a packrat disposition - were there magical weapons in there, or the Nanban Mirror? Why he didn't use stuffspace... or perhaps he did, inside the sack... is interesting.
"Slipping through the apartment window, even one that was as high up as Setsuna's" - it's good to see Ranma's keeping in shape, a theme repeated throughout.
Hmmm... what happens to a Dark General when you splash them with Instant Curse water?
The bully scene and conversation was quite interesting - in particular, as it regards to potential future issues, including the Outers actions, and the world domination that Crystal Tokyo implies - I can see a similar conversation between Ranma and Setsuna in the future.
The hair cut was interesting - the Dragon Whisker Soup isn't apparently active.
"With some flare" - flair.
The healing power acquisition is interesting - I have to wonder if Ranma's ability to duplicate other martial arts techniques is actually more powerful than it appears, and is capable of duplicating magical ("magical") abilities as well, perhaps something akin to Ifurita, which could be truly entertaining.
In general, the grammar is not as complex as I prefer - the short sentences aren't bad the first time, but they impair my enjoying the second time through.

[Sunshine Temple]

no problem though its great to see two of the better authors co-oping on a story.I'm looking forward to great things from you two !

Thanks. Yeah it's nice to work with someone that has good ideas and can share writing with, and of course has the skill to match

"Ranma said lowly." - quietly?

Lowly works in this spot too.

" a bag filled with plunder" - well, it would seem that Ranma may be acquiring the hint of a packrat disposition - were there magical weapons in there, or the Nanban Mirror? Why he didn't use stuffspace... or perhaps he did, inside the sack... is interesting.

Why use stuffspace when there's no need?

"Slipping through the apartment window, even one that was as high up as Setsuna's" - it's good to see Ranma's keeping in shape, a theme repeated throughout.

Well of course.

Hmmm... what happens to a Dark General when you splash them with Instant Curse water?

Given that the Outers are active, it's a bit too late to find that out.

The bully scene and conversation was quite interesting - in particular, as it regards to potential future issues, including the Outers actions, and the world domination that Crystal Tokyo implies - I can see a similar conversation between Ranma and Setsuna in the future.

Maybe.

The hair cut was interesting - the Dragon Whisker Soup isn't apparently active.

It never was active in female form. It only grows hair on males.

"With some flare" - flair.

yes, that can be corrected

The healing power acquisition is interesting - I have to wonder if Ranma's ability to duplicate other martial arts techniques is actually more powerful than it appears, and is capable of duplicating magical ("magical") abilities as well, perhaps something akin to Ifurita, which could be truly entertaining.

Uh... that ability would have to be so powerful that Ranma can do it unconssiously, and with no idea what she's doing or learning.
It's not that, not at all.

In general, the grammar is not as complex as I prefer - the short sentences aren't bad the first time, but they impair my enjoying the second time through.

Okay. Thanks for commenting

[Dumbledork]

After reading the fic once again (yes, I love it that much) I have one question. How accurate are the Time Gates in your fic? Apparently it was very easy for Setsuna to get Ranma to work as a nanny (placing the ad at the place Ranma would look and the newspaper she knew Ranma would buy) but she was unable to foresee the speed at which Ranma accepted her femininity.