Sidestory - Altogether now

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Re: Sidestory - Altogether now

Postby LawOhki » Thu Oct 28, 2010 2:38 pm

Wyrd wrote:Not stupid, immensely drunk. I'm sure she has seen other people trying to mimic her designs before, so seeing something that seems to be a recently manufactured knockoff of the design that once broke through the entire Jurayin fleet because its pilot was bored would arouse her curiosity more than make her think, "Did I make this and forget about it?" The fact that she can tell that Ranma is 17 years old, which means he was created(*1) when she was in stasis(*2) reinforces the idea that he was made by someone else. Her logic makes sense if he really had been born as a cabbit, it is just our perspective that makes it seem nonsensical. Also, I don't recall it ever specifying that she never made any other cabbits, just that she made the first one, Ryo-ohki. I admit to not being all that familiar with the many Tenchi continuities, except enough to know that each series and most of the ova's might as well be separate realities that just bear a strong resemblance to each other.

It appears for all purposes to be the OVA canon, which means 1 cabbit up until Fuku. Tenchi Universe is where there were more but Washu is not Ryoko's mother in that. If you want to get really technical there wasn't even a cabbit form up until a couple years before Ryoko is released from the cave.
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Re: Sidestory - Altogether now

Postby LawOhki » Sun Oct 31, 2010 9:13 pm

I'm at a loss on how to label any scenes with this Ranma. I do plan to build up most of the story revolving around him through hints. Unlike pretty much every other story I have I actually planned out the timeline for him.

---------

Crossing his arms and tucking his hands into the sleeves of his robe, Ranma followed the strange cat man version of himself through a magical doorway and into a home. Pausing to turn around and examine the simple wooden doorway they had passed through, he wondered if it was some kind of portkey even though the usual tugging feeling wasn’t present. In fact it had simply felt like walking through a normal doorway.

Filing the information away for later, he took in the large living room that he was now in, and the other occupants. Watching a large flatscreen television that was apparently floating in midair next to a wall were three people. One was an older him, wearing clothing that matched the other two, the style was vaguely Japanese with wide borders on the edges. Next to him was a girl around the same age as his counterpart with purple hair styled in two long tails. And then there was a girl slightly younger than himself with bright blue hair done up in pigtails on the side of her head that reached the floor.

“Hello.” The blue haired girl greeted enthusiastically, hopping out of her seat to approach him. “I’m Sasami.”

“Ranma.” He answered hesitantly. This whole thing was such a shock. Last thing he could remember was falling asleep after finishing his project for potions. As far as he knew he hadn’t messed up and created some mind altering substance. He certainly hoped not considering the ingredients he had been using were rather poisonous in high dosages.

“Where am I now?” He asked, wanting to know where the transport device had taken him.

“Outside of Okayama, Japan.” The werecheetah answered, talking to him like he was a kid again.

‘That’s not that far from school.’ He thought, wondering if it would be a good idea to try and seek out anyone there for assistance. Alternate realities hadn’t been something even hinted at and the teachers who were fond of doing so in order to taunt students.

“Are you hungry?” Sasami asked, drawing his attention.

“A little.” He answered after a brief hesitation.

“We have snacks on the table.” She grabbed his left wrist and dragged him over to the low table.

“I’m not going to get lost going over here.” He protested and rapidly pulled his arm free.

“That’s good because then your name would be Ryoga.” The black haired Ranma teased from where he was siting.

As soon as that was said, Ranma mentally slapped himself for saying such a Ryoga-like thing. He hoped that slime was enjoying the curse he had put on him, it had been worth the punishment for breaking the underage magic prohibition he was under while outside of school.

“Well it’s not.” He sat down in a huff, purposely ignoring that yet another Ranma had to deal with the pig known as Ryoga. On the table were some generic snacks and he paused before taking some. “That girl-- Washu, she didn’t say how long I’ll be here.”

“It shouldn’t take Washu-sama long to be able to send you back.” The purple haired girl told him. “I am Masaki Ayeka and you’ve already met my younger sister Sasami.”

“I guess it’s nice to meet you all.” He knew that he didn’t sound sincere in the least.

“Don’t worry, mom will get you back home.” The werecheetah version of himself said reassuringly. “Something like this has happened before. A day or two, that’s all.”

He remained silent, choosing to grab something from the table to shove into his mouth rather than voice that he was not feeling confident of returning back to his world. But then again, if he had been brought here, then it was reasonable that he could get back. On the other hand, he knew that there were plenty of spells that were irreversible, and could never be taken back. He could see both sides of it quite clearly and all it did was make him depressed so he tuned everything out up until Sasami offered him some tea.

“Th- thanks.” He took the cup from her with both hands and stared down at his lap. Taking a quick glance at the blue haired girl, he could feel his normally steady heart beat increase. ‘At least there are cute girls here.’ A small furry form hopped into his lap with happy meow and he nearly screamed. Throwing his tea cup up into the air, he pushed the cat off his lap, and ran as far across the room as he could to press his body against the large glass windows. Back where he had been sitting, the werecheetah Ranma had caught the tea cup in midair before it could spill all over. Not that he had put some distance between himself and cat shaped demon, he finally got a good look at what he had been attacked by, and found that it looked more like a brown rabbit.

“Probably not the best way to introduce yourself Ryo-chan.” Sasami told the strange creature who with a pop and a puff of smoke became a child of five or six with brown fur, long pointed ears, and a mix of blue and white hair nearly down to the floor. The little girl was wearing a simple dress with a large carrot on it.

“Miya?” The little girl asked Sasami.

“Bwuh?” He asked, twisting his head to one side. Magical creatures were something he had known of long before being introduced to the actual magic world that was purposely hidden, but he wasn’t sure what was going on with this one, perhaps some animagus accident?

“Ryo-Ohki just sounds like a cat, she’s not a cat, and neither is Rin-Ohki.” The werecheetah pointed to a second of the creatures that had entered the room, and had actually been able to hop up his impressive height to sit on his shoulder. “Neko-ken?”

“I can handle cats just fine.” He crossed his arms and buried his hands back into the sleeves of his robe, trying to appear nonchalant. “Just not when they jump out at me.” He said in a smaller voice.

“Don’t worry, both of us dealt with it.” The other human Ranma told him calmly.

“I said I’m fine.” He snorted. Having been forcibly desensitized to cats by magic, he still had to deal with some lingering after effects. Choosing to act like nothing had ever happened, he purposely strode back to the table and sat down, making no attempt to put distance between himself and the furry cat rabbit girl.

----

And no he has nothing to do with Hogwarts, magical commands and such are simply universal. So what is taught in England is taught in Japan.
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Re: Sidestory - Altogether now

Postby frice2000 » Sun Oct 31, 2010 9:45 pm

A day or two, that’s all.”

Not sure about this line. Is he referring to his own experience? Just doesn't fit well.

He could see both sides of it quite clearly

Doesn't flow well.

before it could spill all over

Remove 'all over'.

actual magic world that was purposely hidden

I'm not a Harry Potter fan and even I know they hide the schools and such. Even though you said he's not from that school you still don't need the 'purposely hidden' bit. If you want it sentence has to be reworked flows badly.

Don’t worry, both of us dealt with it

Doesn't read well. Something like '...worry, I went through it too.' Also maybe some attempt at psychical comfort by one of the characters would make sense here.
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Re: Sidestory - Altogether now

Postby LawOhki » Sun Oct 31, 2010 9:51 pm

frice2000 wrote:Not sure about this line. Is he referring to his own experience? Just doesn't fit well.

No what that Ranma should expect.

I'm not a Harry Potter fan and even I know they hide the schools and such. Even though you said he's not from that school you still don't need the 'purposely hidden' bit. If you want it sentence has to be reworked flows badly.

Except if you're going to meld HP and Ranma-verse then there needs to be a magical world that normal people are allowed to see considering all the strange things that are in it. Otherwise you break a great deal of the story just to abide by the HP-verse's extreme anti-magic stuff. So while some magical things are allowed out in the open, the majority of it is kept secret in that. Hence the need for him to make the distinction of it being purposely hidden.
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Re: Sidestory - Altogether now

Postby frice2000 » Sun Oct 31, 2010 10:11 pm

No what that Ranma should expect.

Ok line doesn't work then. Something like, "Don't worry it'll only take a day or two." clears it all up.

Except if you're going to meld HP and Ranma-verse then there needs to be a magical world that normal people are allowed to see considering all the strange things that are in it.

Interesting as I don't like HP I've never thought of that. Makes it seem like the two universes are grossly incompatible but then I'm not a fan and have only ever liked a smattering of stories touched by HP. Still line doesn't work as written currently. Problem with this character moving forward is that you've got no world building behind him. It's kind of hard to get that info that you want across here. Maybe a line or two of dialogue where he says he goes to an invisible school or something? Why is that justified? Well you've got him surrounded by magical creatures/beings so the security aspect isn't so essential. Just tossing that nugget of info in with narration feels cheap.
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Re: Sidestory - Altogether now

Postby Spokavriel » Sat Nov 06, 2010 3:45 pm

I know you don't want to call him Potter Ranma or anything like that but he is still clearly a Wizarding Ranma
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Re: Sidestory - Altogether now

Postby LawOhki » Sat Nov 06, 2010 4:47 pm

Spokavriel wrote: I know you don't want to call him Potter Ranma or anything like that but he is still clearly a Wizarding Ranma

I could just go for with Wizard Ranma, but I do need to have a few more scenes from his perspective to fill in the rest of the backstory. Because since he has become a loner, he's not just going to open up and say how things happened.
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