20 Minute Challenge fic Ranma/Trigun

[stratagemini]

Okay. I challenged Chirishman to a 20 minute Ranma Crossover pairing Fic Contest. As teh Challenged he chose the second series. Trigun.

This is the result. 20 minutes. Unpolished. Unspellchecked.

He was such an interesting man. She knew the instant she had found him in the church, bleeding, supporting himself on a giant metal cross. The cross was impressive itself, an instrument she had never seen before, but the man. The man was what had struck her, his black coat and slacks, his white shirt slowly staining red with his blood. She knew she had to help him then.

She was used to interesting men, amazing men. Men that broke the boundaries of what she had previously thought of as reality. They had ruined her for the ordinary. But seeing him there, slouched over that cross, so alone, something in her heart reached out to him.

He was an older man. She liked older men, she remembered telling her sisters and father that before her life was turned upside down that fateful rainy day. He was also dying. She had her work cut out for her.

It took a week to stabilize him, she had dragged him to her family doctor, who she had frequently borrowed medical books from in return for home baked cookies. He was such a silly doctor. But there was no silliness now, the look on his face when she brought in the man, the priest, from his wardrobe and his large metal cross, the look on her doctors face was deathly serious. She helped the doctor stabilize the priest, treating his wounds, making it so that he wouldn't bleed out. He should have died. The doctor said it would take a miracle for him to survive.

It seemed that the priest had done something right in life, because his god seemed to grant him that miracle. He later told her his name. He told her many things, later. But the priest, “Nicholas” he told her to call him, always steadfastly maintained that it wasn't a Miracle that brought him back. It was his penitence. The miracle, he said, was her.

He never picked up the metal cross. It was left in the church, eventually it disappeared, he had nothing to do with it. He told her why eventually. “The cross is heavy, it's full of mercy, and that's the heaviest thing a man can bear.” He gave up the priesthood. “I was never any good at it anyway. Full of new ideas and righteousness. That's not the path of a priest, I was never a good shepherd.”

He gave it all up. Cut ties with his old life, “God granted me a second chance, I was going about it wrong. But for a while there, I understood. I think I did.” he settled down.

She would meet him after he recovered, sometimes. See him in the park, playing with the children, or offering a kind shoulder or a word to other women. His smile always hanging lopsided on his face like a painted mask. But with her he was different. Serious. His humor bitter and sad. She never knew which was the real him, but in those brief moments together, her heart reached out for him.

He told her that she looked a bit like a girl he used to know, long brown hair, smiling, caring. She didn't know how to respond, her mouth opened impotently, the words stolen from her tongue. He kissed her. Softly, gently.

It was years ago, but she never forgot it, that first kiss. And now she stood in the rain, years later. Left the church that she had first met him in. The rain masking the bitter tears from her eyes. It was a nice funeral, but it wasn't what she wanted. She wanted him back. She wanted more time with him. She wanted to tell him everything. She wanted... She wanted to kiss him back.

[Chirishman]

meh, i write sloooow

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Ranma floated in an endless white abyss. Nothingness filled all of his senses for an eternal moment, then suddenly the world crashed in upon him. He was standing in a desert, nothing on the horizon but featureless sand dunes. He cast about in disorientation and took stock of himself and his immediate surroundings. He was stark naked and he was shocked to notice a brand new little round scar over his heart. He stood beside the door of what appeared to be the submerged ruins of some kind of space ship.

"Um... Hello?" Ranma called.

His voice devoured by the unnatural silence of the place.

------- 6 months later --------

Ranma sat in a nameless bar eating a sandwich. He'd found some clothes eventually and with his strength it hadn't been hard to find work enough to survive but he was no closer to finding out what had happened to him. His exploration of the ship that he had appeared on had not yielded anything but broken technology and he hadn't been able to read any of whatever language the signs had been written in.

As Ranma sat and wondered with a depressed sigh what his next move should be two girls, one tall and one short, walked into the bar and there was something of a commotion. Just as he was about to turn around and teach the drunken louts a lesson forhassling the girls the taller one took care of it herself by dropping a gun about as big as her friend which got everyone in the room's attention.

That was when Ranma first really looked at the newcomers and when he saw the taller of the pair's face everything stopped. He knew her. He had no idea who she was but he knew her and she was connected to the gap in his mind. Her eyes passed over him and he saw no recognition in them. He eavesdropped on their conversation with the barkeeper and decided to tail them. If they were going looking for this Vash guy they could get into some serious trouble and he had to find out why this Milly Thompson was important.

[Ellen Kuhfeld]

Both stories work, but Stratagemini's works as a standalone. Chirishman's is a prologue.

[Sunshine Temple]

Agreed.

Stags is a bit of a tell not show, but it works for the purposes of the standalone scene. It has a very heavy narration feel to it, where it's more like a single scene is being described than a story being moved.

For any future editing I'd recommend increasing the atmospheric detailing. More sounds and sights and such.

Chirishman's is a prolog. It's good at whetting the appetite. Though maybe not have Ranma know Milly's name, but that depends on the plot of the subsequent story.

[Chirishman]

Yeah, I kind of ran out of time a bit on mine. I had Ranma know Milly's name because in the scene that I used the insurance girls actually introduce themselves rather loudly if I remember right and I did say that he listened in on them. But I can see why for plot reasons it might be interesting for him to not know their names. The problem is now I have the entire plot of where I could potentially go with this stuck in my head >.< I may have to flesh this out into a larger fic now.