Minako's Story New Chapter[s]

[Lerris]

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2988677/9/ [Updated]

[Druid]

Ami gasped, ``A year? The others will starve! I'll have to repeat a grade, and by then anything could have happened to Ami and Ranma!''

Minako and Ranma

Now that Michuru was there the magic had come alive and the reconstruction that was once glacially slow was now moving apace. Haruka wonderd how Rei was doing. If Michuru was so stronger on her

If Michiru was so much stronger

The traveled entirely underwater in total darkness save the one light that

they traveled entirely
I can't finish this now, but I like what I see so far.

[Dumbledork]

Better an incomplete chapter than no chapter at all (^_^).
Keep up the good work.

[Innortal]

Add to that that you changed Ranma from a she to a he in the last section as well.

Ranma was surprised that Neri was skill wise on par with Ukyo's skill, save she had a set of silverly daggers, that seemed to almost dissapeer after she equipped them. Yes, of the two women, Neri was the more lethal he thought, that was of course, if Minako was denied the time to transform.

I believe you mean 'disappear'.

[Munchkin]

Rei said outloud, "This is almost pointless. I need a great fire if I am to do a reading, and we are stuck here stuck in a bubble.''

"stuck here in a bubble" I think.

[Lerris]

Thanks for pointing out the errors. I updated the bits in my copy. When I get a full chapter I'll repost it. With regards to senshi strength on their home world, i changed the 'much stronger' ones i noticed to simply stronger.
As to Innortals comment that I had forget ranma's current gender. From what I remember he was male when he wokeup, and despite the sea being mentioned, they climbed up on land, so he stayed male, or that was what was intended there anyway.

[PCHeintz72]

A minor plot inconsistancy:

Setsuna opened a portal, and before much of a protest could be made she ushered Michuru and Haruka though it, and then a bit later Makoto, Usagi, and Rei went through another one, and Ami and herself went through a third. The cats followed Makoto out of the shrine, while an old shrine keeper looked on from his bedroom window.

You had stated Makoto was to go shopping, not go to any castle, and you have her doing both. Unless of course either there are stores near the castle, or Makoto has the same duplication trick Ryoko from Tenchi has.
EDIT, found a second one:

Ranma waited, and hoped she would go away before Minako got to the top,

Earlier, you said Minako was last, and had her waiting behind the other two since the machine started again.

[Lerris]

FF.net versions 9-12
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2988677/9/

[Lerris]

Ff.net version [9-12]
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2988677/9/

[Dumbledork]

Wow, I love the new chapters. I didn't really check for errors, but I think I found one.
As Kanna walked back into the room she said, ``I put it on a few months after your mother left us. I heard roomers. Dark roomers.''
Shouldn't that be "rumors"?

[Innortal]

Great additions, look forward to the teasings Ami and Michiru will receive.

[PCHeintz72]

Good stuff. A nice read. A couple small items

He decided to start with the Michiru as she was closest

'the' is wrong

Neptune caught up next, as she pulled out her laptop,

While I know what you mean, I read this twice before determining it was Ami/Mercury commenting and poulling the laptop, not Michiru/Neptune. I would reword it.

[Lerris]

Thanks for pointing those out.
About a 1/4th of it is here.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2988677/9/
If anyone sees anything with the ff.net version let me know. I had a program i made to generate that from the version I put here, but I ended up having to edit it a fair amount.

[BlueDragon]

Most of the things I'd point out have already been spotted. But I'll still say it looks pretty good.
I just hope there is still some more to this story yet after the point you've stopped at. As I want to see more of what is going to happen later for this story. As well as how the NWC will react to Ranma comming back, married, as well as a father of three or more kids. Not to mention Nodoka's reaction to those same events.
I just hope you also update Ice soon too.

[Lerris]

FYI: If you didn't know, this is all updated on ff.net starting here.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2988677/9/