Feels like I missed another 1:
The tracked mass transit car stopped at the where the road intersected with Saint Patrick Street
at the ??? where the
was the barren land of southern Mongolia. The nearest city,
Herein lies a tiiiny problem. Takahashi chose the location for Jusenkyou for being a spot of paranormal activity, but the landscape there is nothing like what is drawn in the manga (which is a cliche image of, I think, southern China).
A thorough fanfiction author who does his research has to be as vague as possible in describing georgaphical landmarks
A few minutes later, the women gave a sigh of relief as she
women plural, yes ?
Ch.7
This was not some girl that was hitting on her this was her flesh and blood.
Feels like it needs a comma, or to be split to 2 sentences.
It's a damn good thing I have a backup plan.
Great last words to end a chapter
...Cheb learned the world "puce". It's supper effective!
I think I had a sheet of flock paper of that color in my childhood.
...withhold my thoughts on the rewrite as a whole for after that mess with Nabiki.