I am still finding more instances of Idiot Ball to crush. So vexing!
Looking backwards, I realize how rushed this chapter is. The road to Hell is surely paved with urges to rush your fic just to get to "good parts" faster.
“Let find our bearings,” Ranma urged.
to
“Let find our bearings,” Ranma urged. “We had to catch our breath and stuff, but this world is a total unknown. Do you remember that walk in the dark and the guy made of white woodlice?”
“Yes, I do” Akane replied with a shudder.
“White woodlice?” Ami asked, confused.
“Oh, right!” Ranma snapped her fingers. “You were cooped up with that old lady doing your research while me'n Akane went to get the token... Well, we met a monster that kills with a touch, and not in a nice way, from what I could figure out of Ahta's warnings. Split into a swarm of woodlice-like things upon his death, too. Each as deadly. Probably burrow into your flesh or stuff. Anyways, do you remember that world?”
“Ew,” Usagi commented.
“Yes... Yes, I do,” Ami replied, alarmed. “I'm scanning, but there is nothing of notice so far. What are you implying? That there could be things out there that could kill us before we can even detect them?”
“That too,” Ranma said. “Take robot snipers, for example. Or Khas-eeeschaeets. There are most likely no such things, but let's make this assumption: we are in an enemy's backyard and they simply haven't reacted yet because they are lazy.”
“Expect the worst?” Akane asked.
“Expect the worst we can handle,” Ranma corrected her. “Because if there's something we can't, it's better to go out with a bang rather than be captured... or suffer a fate worse than death. I'm not giving up, mind you, but we {i}are{/i} clones with barely a week difference from our originals back home. In light of a total unknown waiting for us, knowing that death isn't as end of everything as it used to be is... comforting.”
“Hey, that's my line,” Usagi complained. “I'm the gloomy Goth here.”
“I hope it doesn't come to that,” Ami said. “But I see your point. What do you suggest?”
“Whatever happens,” Ranma said, “We have to move quickly. When possible, use the folds of the land to hide from probable distant observers. Only stop moving in secluded locations between hills and such. And learn about the world, as fast and hard as we can.”
“Seems reasonable,” Akane agreed. “Keep alert, keep moving, know your adversary... Or if there is one.”
“Let's go, then!” Ranma ran to the north, towards nearest mountains.
+ the following dialogue changed to reflect them already running.
The others started running faster too.
to
The others started running faster too, eager to find what kinds of clues Ami could pull from the road.
“Robots, mourning their masters,” Ranma joked darkly. “But jokes aside, we got into a world where we'd be highly sought for! On the other hand, saying goodbye forever to normal panties, instant noodle packs and toilet paper... Aw, crap.”
to
“Robots, mourning their masters,” Ranma joked darkly. “But jokes aside, this world ain't that bad. First, we can relax now. There are no such nasty things as evil, continent-spanning empires, hordes of killer robots or all-devouring gray goo. Secondly, we will be highly sought for! It's like martial arts heaven! Well, except saying goodbye to normal panties, instant noodle packs and toilet paper... That part sucks.”
Also, weeding out more of the grating "readers ain't telepathic" type errors:
Added a subtle explanation in regards to the "clipped dialogues" (unsure if this is what you were talking about):
Translation was difficult, the English grammar structure is just not suitable for using single words as complete sentences, unlike both Russian and Japanese. No, I am sure that with great enough skill everything is possible. But my skill isn't great.
“Let's catch them?” Ranma proposed suddenly.
“Catch?” Akane lifted one brow. “Why? Quick.”
The sound was coming very close.
“Contact them,” Ranma corrected herself. “Surprise. Not their territory. We look harmless. A square is better than street to surround them in the fog.”
to
“Let's catch them?” Ranma proposed suddenly.
“Catch?” Akane lifted one brow. “Why? Talk fast.”
The sound was coming very close, there were mere seconds left to make a decision.
“Contact them,” Ranma corrected herself trying to cram as much words in as little time as possible. “Surprise. Not their territory. We look harmless. Square's good for surrounding in the fog.”