Snowfall on Gotham 3

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Re: Snowfall on Gotham 3

Postby Konsaki » Fri Jul 22, 2011 9:41 pm

I think I'll have Ranma evade the entire issue by asking to go use the restroom.
Sounds okay, considering what I know of your writing style, you'll get it right.
Once there he switches genders and tries to walk out, forgetting that he is wanted, leading to a big hoopla as he makes an escape.
This, though, has me questioning things. I can see Ranma switching back based off of habit, but she's going to be expected to use the woman's restroom, most likely with Barbara escorting her. Barbara isn't stupid enough to just let Ranma wander around on her own since they're both still in the PDHQ.
I more likely see Ranma changing back on accident while directly in front of Barbara. She then has the choice to either restrain him or keep his secret until she gets the full story from Bruce. If she tries to restrain him, he evades her using non-damaging moves before busting out of the PDHQ, causing a commotion in the process. If she decides to wait, she'll have Ranma change back to female form and tries to escort Ranma directly to Bruce.
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Re: Snowfall on Gotham 3

Postby LawOhki » Fri Jul 22, 2011 9:54 pm

This, though, has me questioning things. I can see Ranma switching back based off of habit, but she's going to be expected to use the woman's restroom, most likely with Barbara escorting her. Barbara isn't stupid enough to just let Ranma wander around on her own since they're both still in the PDHQ.
I more likely see Ranma changing back on accident while directly in front of Barbara. She then has the choice to either restrain him or keep his secret until she gets the full story from Bruce. If she tries to restrain him, he evades her using non-damaging moves before busting out of the PDHQ, causing a commotion in the process. If she decides to wait, she'll have Ranma change back to female form and tries to escort Ranma directly to Bruce.

There are such things as unisex bathrooms. I'll just have one or two set aside for people being interrogated, Ranma goes in one and changes, forgets the whole thing, and causes a fiasco.

Alternatively, Ranma just goes in a female bathroom with the intent to jump out a window.
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Re: Snowfall on Gotham 3

Postby frice2000 » Fri Jul 22, 2011 10:12 pm

think that would pass

think that would make you pass out

heavy scent from Poison Ivy covering Batman she could pick up something else.

Considering all the menagerie that Batman fights would think he'd have that possibility of discovery ironed out in some fashion. Seems like a cheap way to go about discovery.

“I didn’t do anything.” Wading through the water

So her feminine form is going to be her not so crazy form? Weird but could be fun.

try to use an alias or cause a conflict by asserting he is Ranma Saotome and show the curse?

Considering they've got no ID on her girl form and apparently her prints don't match her male form then hell yes she should use an alias and just walk on out of there.

Barbara didn’t have to hide her shock because

Oh? She didn't know? From what few episodes I saw of the cartoon I always assumed Bruce would provide her with some pertinent issues of events that took place regarding Batman. Would think he'd have at least called her or something about the dangerous criminal that's made a return.

I think I'll have Ranma evade the entire issue by asking to go use the restroom.

Considering that I'd think one of the first things these cops would do would be to run fingerprints which would come back with no matches having him just make up a new identity makes a lot more sense. Claiming to be someone he knows is wanted from his previous conversation with Batman doesn't really make sense. But then you do have someone acting unstably...This is hard to pin down. I think setting this up with a female identity now that is only known as a criminal or a suspicious person sets things up far more nicely for later.

Konsak wrote:he evades her using non-damaging moves before busting out

Why non-damaging. Think it'd be much more interesting if he actually hurts her. Goes into the instability angle quite well. As well as do some interesting things regarding Terry and Bruce.
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Re: Snowfall on Gotham 3

Postby LawOhki » Fri Jul 22, 2011 10:44 pm

frice2000 wrote:Considering all the menagerie that Batman fights would think he'd have that possibility of discovery ironed out in some fashion. Seems like a cheap way to go about discovery.

How many of his enemies have enhanced senses and spend enough time around him as Terry to notice the similarity? Any chance of discovery is almost exclusively someone knowing his face not who he is until later if at all.

So her feminine form is going to be her not so crazy form? Weird but could be fun.


Considering that I'd think one of the first things these cops would do would be to run fingerprints which would come back with no matches having him just make up a new identity makes a lot more sense. Claiming to be someone he knows is wanted from his previous conversation with Batman doesn't really make sense. But then you do have someone acting unstably...This is hard to pin down. I think setting this up with a female identity now that is only known as a criminal or a suspicious person sets things up far more nicely for later.
Ranma is crazy in both forms but does a soft reset after changing forms, much like how doing so will kick him out of the neko-ken. So Ranma doesn't remember that conversation let alone that he beat up a teacher and two policemen looking for him. Ranma-chan at this point is only suspicious at this point because she claimed to be Ranma Saotome, a boy, who is wanted.

Considering they've got no ID on her girl form and apparently her prints don't match her male form then hell yes she should use an alias and just walk on out of there.

They could detain her for not being able to provide any kind of ID and having provided a false one so she's suspicious. And Ranma isn't all up on the law so he doesn't know he can ask to leave.

Oh? She didn't know? From what few episodes I saw of the cartoon I always assumed Bruce would provide her with some pertinent issues of events that took place regarding Batman. Would think he'd have at least called her or something about the dangerous criminal that's made a return.

If she's not in the loop she can't be brought down if Bruce gets hit for his vigilantly activities.

Oh and no Ranma is not going to become some type of were or shape shifter. He's well and truly stuck as is.
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Re: Snowfall on Gotham 3

Postby frice2000 » Fri Jul 22, 2011 10:55 pm

How many of his enemies have enhanced senses and spend enough

I thought there were a couple at least...And barring that it's a suit originally made for the king of preparedness and paranoia Bruce Wayne. Seems that he would've considered this as a possibility. Could plausibly have Bruce cut in here here saying 'told you you needed to wash the suit down to remove your smell with the X technobable/nanite/thingy' as that'd be very very in character. Actually think it'd make sense that Bruce intercuts here to offer Terry advice about exposure of his civilian identity a bit here. Hell even mentioning a Zatana mind-wipey kind of thing might be plausible.

And Ranma isn't all up on the law so he doesn't know he can ask to leave.

That's another minor problem I've had with this story though...You've got a seemingly pretty tech-saavy teen Ranma in the beginning and the differences that could make on him seem to be minor. I don't know some more knowledge somewhere would be nice.

If she's not in the loop she can't

OK...still think he'd tell her that someone she might have very plausibly had some history with has returned would've made sense. Works though.
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Re: Snowfall on Gotham 3

Postby LawOhki » Fri Jul 22, 2011 11:32 pm

frice2000 wrote:I thought there were a couple at least...And barring that it's a suit originally made for the king of preparedness and paranoia Bruce Wayne. Seems that he would've considered this as a possibility. Could plausibly have Bruce cut in here here saying 'told you you needed to wash the suit down to remove your smell with the X technobable/nanite/thingy' as that'd be very very in character. Actually think it'd make sense that Bruce intercuts here to offer Terry advice about exposure of his civilian identity a bit here. Hell even mentioning a Zatana mind-wipey kind of thing might be plausible.
Suit is scent neutral but Terry is breathing directly in Ranma's face along with that part being open.

That's another minor problem I've had with this story though...You've got a seemingly pretty tech-saavy teen Ranma in the beginning and the differences that could make on him seem to be minor. I don't know some more knowledge somewhere would be nice.

Being tech savvy isn't going to help Ranma with knowing the laws of a foreign country.
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Re: Snowfall on Gotham 3

Postby LawOhki » Fri Oct 14, 2011 12:11 am

“Um--.” The girl floundered for a response and fidgeted nervously. “I need to use the restroom.”

X x x x x x

‘Why am I in a girl’s bathroom?’ Ranma asked himself, still wet from using water from a sink to change back to male. Having been in this situation before, he knew that he must not be seen leaving. Avoiding the immediate concern of why he didn’t know how he came to be here, he checked out the door and saw only an elderly woman taking to a police officer with their backs to the door. Across the hall was a male room and if he moved quick enough he should be able to make it appear that he was leaving from there.

Silently hopping across the hall, he opened the men’s door, and was just making it appear that he was walking out when the two noticed his presence. “Afternoon.” He greeted before trying to walk away. He needed to figure why he couldn’t remember why he was here.

“Hold it.” The woman demanded.

“Yes?” He asked slowly, unsure if he had met them or not.

“Ranma Saotome?” The officer asked.

“That’s me, unless there’s another Ranma wandering around.” He answered with a shrug.

“Well this is convenient.” The woman commented. “Cuff him.”

“Down on the floor, hands on your head.” The officer pointed at him with one hand and poised his other over a pistol in a holster at his right hip. Ranma reacted without thinking and planted a palm strike into the officer’s stomach, sending the man flying back several meters to land on the floor with the wind knocked out of him.

“Sorry bout that, hope I didn’t hurt your buddy too bad.” He apologized to the woman and started to walk away.

“Don’t take another step.” She commanded and actually drew out her weapon. Ranma slowly turned to look at the older woman and cocked his head to one side. “You’re under arrest kid, not up for debate.”

“Who needs to debate?” Dodging to the side of her arm, he tried to grab her hand so that he could twist the gun out of it but she was quick enough to avoid letting him get the proper hold. His eyes widened as the barrel nearly swung back towards his body but he was finally able remove it from her grasp, and put several steps between them. “I don’t like guns.” He told the woman before ripping the slide from the grip.

“The old fashioned way then.” The woman actually threw a punch at him.

“Hey you’re going to hurt yourself.” He let her get the shot in, unconcerned that an elderly woman could pose a threat to him. That thought died when he found his face driven forcibly into the wall. His right arm was then painfully wrenched into a lock behind his body before he was thrown to the floor on his stomach. Snarling, he simply brute forced his arm from her grasp, and planted a foot in her chest. She hit the wall before crumpling to the floor like a rag doll.

Any remorse he had for taking out the elderly woman had to wait because suddenly he was the attention of a whole lot of police. ‘What am I in a police factory?’
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Re: Snowfall on Gotham 3

Postby frice2000 » Fri Oct 14, 2011 1:15 pm

was a male room

was the men's restroom Male room is a little weird.

Snarling, he simply brute forced his arm from her grasp, and planted a foot in her chest.

Eh, think Barbara might make a better showing really. Yes, she's old but still. At the least she'd have tried something more brutal and KO attempting-ish.
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Re: Snowfall on Gotham 3

Postby LawOhki » Tue Oct 25, 2011 2:08 pm

Revised the end of the last part and the rest will end the chapter. Just going to go back in and add more details.

-----

“Well this is convenient.” The woman commented. “Ranma Saotome, you’re under arrest.”

“Wait, for what?” He asked incredulously.

“Grand theft auto of a motorcycle and the assault of a police officer to start.” The woman answered. “Officer Daniels.”

“Down on the floor with your hands on your head kid.” The officer pointed at him with one hand and poised his other over a pistol in a holster at his right hip. Ranma reacted without thinking and planted a palm strike into the officer’s stomach, sending the man flying back several meters to land on the floor with the wind knocked out of him.

“Sorry bout that, hope I didn’t hurt your buddy too bad.” He apologized to the woman and started to walk away, dismissing her as a threat.

“Don’t take another step.” She commanded and actually drew out her weapon. Ranma slowly turned to look at the older woman and cocked his head to one side. “You’re under arrest kid, it’s not up for debate.”

“I was never good at debate” Dodging to the side of her arm, he tried to grab her hand so that he could twist the gun out of it but she was quick enough to avoid letting him get the proper hold. His eyes widened as the barrel nearly swung back towards his body but he was finally able remove it from her grasp, and put several steps between them. “I don’t like guns.” He told the woman before ripping the slide from the grip.

“The old fashioned way then.” The woman actually threw a punch at him.

“Hey you’re going to hurt yourself.” He let her get the shot in, unconcerned that an elderly woman could pose a threat to him. That thought died when after the punch to his left cheek failed to connect, he found his arm painfully wrenched into a lock before his face was driven into the wall. His feet were then kicked out and he was thrown to the floor on his stomach. Snarling, he simply brute forced his arm from her grasp, and planted a foot in her chest. She hit the wall before crumpling to the floor like a rag doll.

Any remorse he had for taking out the elderly woman had to wait because suddenly he was the attention of a whole lot of police. ‘What am I in a police factory?’

X x x x x x

Chelsea let the curtain fall back into place of her front window after spying briefly on the two police officers waiting in a patrol car at the street. They had given her a small device to use if Ranma returned to alert them. Shaking her head, she placed it on a nearby table, and went to change into her pajamas. She paused at her doorway upon catching sight of a small red spot outside the door to Ranma’s former room. Kneeling down next to it, she realized that it was blood just before hearing someone whisper her name from inside the dark room.

“My dad isn’t home.” She stood up straight to address Ranma.

“Just being cautious.” He said, leaning against the door frame without a shirt showing off a square bandage over his stomach. Catching her concerned look he grimaced. “I ended up in a police station somehow and they really didn’t want me to leave.”

“They shot you?” Chelsea asked in shock. The small amount of information she had been given was that they were looking to arrest him for the actions at school earlier.

“It’s not that bad, hurt more digging it out.” He winced dramatically in mock pain. “Barely got past the skin so it shouldn’t have hit anything.”

“You’re insane.” She groaned. “You get shot and play it off like a bad papercut.”

“I might be.” Ranma answered sincerely and finally flicked on the light to show that his things had been packed up.

“Not that anybody ever listens to me-- but why don’t you just turn yourself in? Get to a hospital at least?” Her brow furrowed in concern. “Get help.”

“Easier to just go back to Japan.” He shrugged and sat down on the bed. “I just came here to get my stuff and clean up.”

“How did you get past the cops outside?”

“I just came in through the back.” He answered simply.

“So this is goodbye then?” Chelsea felt horrible about this situation. Ranma was her friend and apparently he had just been thrown under the bus of life.

“Guess so, I’ll be in touch.” Gingerly he put on a red silk button up shirt.

“You better.” Crossing her arms, she gave him the most disapproving look she could. “Good luck I guess.”

“Thanks.”
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Re: Snowfall on Gotham 3

Postby frice2000 » Tue Oct 25, 2011 5:56 pm

“It’s not that bad, hurt more digging it out.”

Hmm...not enough needs a bit more of him being a tad more feral as that's what you're going for. He's just not acting crazy enough compared to previously here, nor is he in that feral mindset. Feels lacking.
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Re: Snowfall on Gotham 3

Postby LawOhki » Tue Oct 25, 2011 6:57 pm

frice2000 wrote:Hmm...not enough needs a bit more of him being a tad more feral as that's what you're going for. He's just not acting crazy enough compared to previously here, nor is he in that feral mindset. Feels lacking.

With people he views as threats he goes more feral and the gender change aggravates that. More often he changes the more he loses track of things. No reason for him to be acting like he's in the neko-ken all the time.
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