Anime, Scifi, Fantasy Fan and Original Fiction
by Steiner » Sat Jan 06, 2007 2:52 pm
"GET HIM OFF OF ME!!!!!" I screech and start running around the dance floor, desperately trying to shake him off. This is so not cool. I mean, I can understand him getting depressed after Shampoo ran away with Konatsu. I can even understand him foreswearing women forever, and declaring himself a homosexual. Hell, I've seen the way men in his tribe get treated by women. But why did he have to start chasing me?
by bissek » Wed Jan 10, 2007 2:44 am
"AHHHH!" Magical Moon Maid Sayuri exclaimed. "It's Dark General Burger Clown!"
"Dark General..." gasped Artemis.
"...Burger Clown?!" questioned Luna. "Okay. Now that is just plain silly."
Standing in the shadow of a torii, Dark General Burger Clown™ made a few sentai gestures before she replied. honk honk tootle beep beep!
"I've heard worse Dark General introductory speeches," confessed Artemis.
by stratagemini » Wed Jan 10, 2007 5:32 am
Genma Saotome stood at the customs office at the port in China. His son would probably try and catch a boat home, neglecting his training. He didn't need such training any longer after all, so why should he suffer when the boy wasn't learning anything?
"Do you have anything to claim?"
"Thirty evil minions," said Genma.
The customs officer craned his head around the man's shoulder and saw two rows of robed bald men with big dark hoods standing behind him. They all glared forward ominously.
"Oh. Also an Ancient sword, I have the paperwork right here." The minions had proved themselves quite useful when they obtained these things for him. They weren't even forgeries.
"Say. Why didn't we use forgeries? You are evil minions after all." Genma ignored the customs official as he looked at his minions for a moment.
The lead minion spoke up. "Master, evil is evil, our purpose and our ways. It is, however, much more inexpensive to acquire proper paperwork."
"Oh. Good work then."
"Fill out these forms," grumbled the man as he hefted a large stack of forms onto the countertop.
"Allow me master," said the evil minion as he took the pile and scurried back to the others. All of it was dumped on the smallest evil minion. He had glasses, incredibly squinted eyes, and large bucked teeth. It truly was an evil sight to behold such an awful stereotype.
"Make sure to use a red pen," said Genma firmly. "These are business forms right?"
"Yes, Master. Most evil indeed," agreed his new personal lackey. Genma kind of liked him. The others followed his orders, and he didn't have to deal with them directly. As they were evil minions, they were quite unpleasant.
by bissek » Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:59 pm
“All the Ninjutsu, Genjutsu, Kinjutsu, and Medic-jutsu in the world,” Tsunade complained, “And not ONE Diaper Change No Jutsu!”
by Questara » Fri Jan 12, 2007 9:27 pm
A catacomb room. Three ways in and out, two of them opposite the other. Air imploded into itself, shimmering with heat, a meter above the ground. An electric spark came from the small whole the implosion had created and sizzled against the ground. A bigger spark, easily a good sized bolt followed. The implosion point started to glow bright white and then grew and grew. One side of the sphere encountered the rock at the right corner of the one entrance way, and it melted right there. Orange lava flowed around the sphere as it grew and completely disintegrated the rock and lava that couldn’t get away. Sand on the ground melted and then solidified into glass. More bolts of energy arched from the center of the sphere, striking a few random parts, one destroyed a rock.
Finally the sphere reached a diameter of two meters and then disappeared just like that, leaving a muscular, kneeling man, fists next to his body. On of his legs was knelt down, the other was on the sole of his feet. His hair was in spikes. He stood up; smoothly, like water, like a well-oiled machine. His face was a little elongated, and completely expressionless, dead, yet intelligent eyes. The man took a look around, stepped out of the indentation of glass, and stood still in the middle of the corridor entrance, knowing it was a well-defensible position.
Through his eyes, everything is red, and letters, numbers, signs and schematics zip across the image. ‘Initial self-diagnostic.’ Different messages kept rolling across it, but they didn’t mean much to the male machine. They were really only there so whoever designed it could see if everything worked okay, if he, she or it chose to do so. A picture settled in the right, high corner. ‘Primary target confirmed: John Connor,’ appeared on the screen for a moment. Then ‘Terminate.’
‘Appropriate suitable clothing,’ was the next sentence when a young man appeared from the right corridor across from it. Its audible sense heard, “Get out of my way!”
A moment later the young man stopped in front of him, taking him in. “What the . . .? Naked?” the young man spoke as schematic lines overlaid the young man’s lower legs, then upper legs, and so up until all of its body and clothing were scanned.
‘Match,’ appeared on the screen. “Give me your clothes,” the naked man or machine stated with a dispassionate tone.
“What!? Give . . .!?” the young man stated, and then added, “What kind of pervert are you!?”
“Give me your clothes,” the naked machine stated, getting ready to do something drastic.
The young man than muttered words it didn’t understand, “No chi?” The young man then roared and brought his fist back, yelling, “I said, ‘GET OUT OF MY WAY!’” To the machine’s surprise the man’s fist crashed right into, and then through his chest. He pulled his fist back, pulling some wiring along. With a roar the young man then jumped up and kicked out twisting around his own axis. Unable to grasp how it happened, the machine still immediately knew it was decapitated. Connections with power sources in the body were severed, the chip inside the head switching to an emergency battery that wouldn’t last much more than a few seconds. The machine could see its own body as both it, and the body dropped down. The head crashed on the glass, and that was very visible to the machine. It rolled onto the sand bottom of the corridor, turned the opposite direction to where it was facing earlier. It could see the back of the young man as he ran onward, and heard him growl out loud, “STUPID PERVERTED SEXBOT!!” Than its power fully failed and all went dark.
by stratagemini » Sat Jan 13, 2007 7:18 am
Jadeite and Ranma were rolling with laughter as they sat at the
bar.
"I remember that now! I used about twenty five million gallons of
yellow dye, and an interplanetary water cannon!" said Ranma as he
pounded his fist on the counter of the small bar they had found
themselves in.
Jadeite had tears flowing down his face as he chuckled.
"It..it...it took her three years to clean it up. You're name was
written across the equator of Pluto for three...three years!"
"Oh. I'm starting to realize why they want to kill me," said Ranma
as he wiped his own eyes. He tossed some money on the counter and pat
Jadeite on his back. "It was nice talking with you again, but I've got
to get home. My family will kill me if I'm gone for too long."
"Beryl, she'll know about you," said Jadeite as he calmed down
suddenly.
"So what? Tell her, that blowhard. I'm of no use to her, and she's
got better things to do than hunt me down," said Ranma with a slight
smirk.
"Nephrite might not be so kind," said Jadeite with a slight smirk.
"I've got my own missions to complete, and I personally won't be
bothered with hunting you down. But him..."
"He's still mad about that?" said Ranma dumbly.
"Pissed," confirmed Jadeite calmly.
"It was just a little novocaine," said the boy with a small frown.
"It was his wedding night," pointed out Jadeite.
by stratagemini » Sat Jan 13, 2007 10:06 am
Ranma looked up at the imposing temple that was carved into the
side of the mountain. There was about a dozen guard milling about the
front with blasters at their sides. "Well, let's go," he said as he
pulled the large shotgun like weapon off of his back.
"Wait! What the hell are you doing? You're just going to walk up
there and start shooting?" snapped Hanna as she grabbed him by his arm
and stopped him.
"Well...yeah kinda," he said as he looked at her. "That was my
plan anyway."
"But...we'll die," said Serenity nervously. She was holding a
weapon much to large for her and scuffed her feet in the dirt.
"Come on, these are lousy minions. They never shoot good," said
Ranma cheerfully as he cocked the weapon.
The group paused as the guards began to toss glass bottles into
the air and shoot them. Not one of them missed.
Ranma looked at the two women and shrugged. "Okay. New plan."
+++++++++++++
"This is your plan? Go in the back way and start shooting?"
grumbled Hanna as she hid behind the cover of a few boulders with
Ranma and Serenity.
"Yeah. Catch em by surprise," he said cheerfully. "I'm gonna scout
ahead, you two wait here."
by bissek » Sun Jan 14, 2007 2:16 pm
“Pompous ass” Naruto muttered. “It’s fine, you already taught me the damn super-cool jutsu. I’ll read your stupid book, but…” he paused “I’ll never become perverted like you!”
Jiraiya shook his head sadly. “Your loss.” He then handed Naruto a few sheets of paper. “You’re obviously not mature enough to care about adult things, so I’ll only make you read the non perverted parts.”
Relief dawned on Naruto’s face. “Really? Cool…” Naruto mumbled. “Hey wait, you only gave me three pages!” Naruto protested.
by stratagemini » Mon Jan 15, 2007 3:21 am
"A giant robot?" Shinji said in shock.
"Yes," Gendo said. "And you will Pilot it."
"If you think you can abandon me for ten years and then give me a
giant robot and expect me to forgive you . . ." Shinji growled. "Then
you're completely correct, thanks dad. You're the greatest."
Gendo stared, Gendo blinked, finally Gendo shrugged and decided to go
along with it. "Fine, but are you sure you don't want me to wheel out
an injured girl first?"
"And you're bringing me girls too?" Shinji looked like he was about to
do the happy dance, "I take back everything I said about you. Man,
when you wanna make up for something you go all out don't you? Yeah,
bring her out pops." Shinji's face was impassive as he looked at the
pathetic figure on the gurney. "You know . . . I'm not sure weather or
not to feel insulted that you felt you had to break her legs so she
couldn't get away from me."
"She was injured in an accident," Misato supplied. "We didn't break
her legs so that she couldn't escape from you."
"Oh." Shinji looked like he was about to cry. "I'm sorry I ever
doubted you dad."
by bissek » Thu Jan 18, 2007 12:20 am
Chaos needs no recipe. But in Nerima, there's always an
ingredients list.
by Seraphim » Fri Jan 26, 2007 11:53 am
Cologne very rarely found herself stupefied into insensibility. She'd seen and done too much in her life to be shocked by all but the most incredible events. Ranma offering to serve stud in exchange for knowledge...the moon may as well have split in two to hatch a giant space chicken. Overcome, Cologne fell from her staff and laid on the kitchen floor, twitching spasmodically.
by Atlan » Sat Jan 27, 2007 12:16 am
Ivy suddenly picked up the remote control and pointed it at the TV. The movie stopped, leaving infomercials in its place.
"Why did you do that, Mommy?" the little girl, no older than eight or nine, asked next to her, sounding aggrieved.
"Because, that's the end of the movie," Ivy said brightly. "I mean, if you had a ceiling pulled down on top of you, what do YOU think would happen?"
"Die, I guess. Unless I was the Bat," the girl said.
"Yes, unless you were the Bat," Ivy muttered. "Anyway," she went on, "Seymour dies, Audrey II and the other plants take over the world, happy ending, the end. I just shut it off before the end credits. So, what was your favorite part?"
"Ummm," the girl mumbled, scrunching up her face. "The part where the plant ate the bad boyfriend."
"That's my girl," Ivy said proudly. "That's my favorite part too. That brings back memories, I tell you."
When Ambrosia left to wash up, Harley looked at Ivy and shook her head. "Somehow I doubt that was her favorite scene, Red. She just knows what you want to hear."
Ivy shrugged. "She's a smart girl."
"And you stopped the movie before the ending?"
"I want her to be proud of her heritage," Ivy said defensively.
"You do realize that in twenty years, when she sees the REAL ending, it's going to be Phoebe and Old Yeller all over again."
"You did NOT just compare our daughter to the flaky one from Friends!"
Recent Mutant activities today was the cause of much alarm in Toyko. An unidentified mutant attacked the Gainax building in a seemingly random act of barbarianism. Reports are sketchy, but eye witnesses report the mutant was capable of generating beams of energy, destroying the majority of the building. Incoming reports state the mutant seemed upset about some of their work, witnesses stating the mutant screamed, "This is for Death and Rebirth! Oh! And this is for the mind [censored] with End of Evangelion! And damn you for making a live action movie! Live action adaptations always [censored] suck!"
by bissek » Wed Jan 31, 2007 2:37 am
Check had assigned two of his most skilled ninjamarketers to make sure that Llobewu actually did his job. As it turned out, however, it probably would have been a better idea to send his two most patient ones instead.
“Dun! Dun! Dun! Dun! Dun dun dunnnnnn….”
The green-and-black youma was apparently attempting to “train” by going through a “training montage.” It was also apparent that no one had told him that the images in a three-minute montage take place over an extended period of time (usually much, much longer than three minutes), and that simply doing one push-up, one sit-up, and one pull-up, slamming away at a punching bag for 30 seconds, and drinking 2 or 3 raw eggs while singing the opening hook from “Eye of the Tiger” (off-key, naturally) would not make him as good a fighter as the main character of Cop Land, let alone the famous fictional boxer.
Despite what one might think, Usagi Tsukino was actually quite good at math. Not the literal kind with all of the big, scary numbers where you had to do long division — Usagi didn’t really about that kind, as in her view, calculators had rendered that kind of math irrelevant. (Plus, if she was ever in a pinch, she could just ask Ami.) No, her specialty lay in the figurative kind of math, where one added up all of the parts of a given situation and came out with an overall accurate assessment of what was going on, which in turn allowed her to make informed decisions about which course of action to take. It was from her skill at this kind of math that she derived the leadership abilities that made her so capable as Sailor Moon, and would make her a capable head of state as Neo-Queen Serenity once Crystal Tokyo was established.
Unfortunately, when Usagi first presented this grand argument to Luna, the Mooncat’s response had been rather blunt: “Nice try. Now finish your algebra homework.”
However, the fact that Usagi had, at the time, been primarily motivated by her desire to go to a movie with Mamoru did not make certain elements of her reasoning any less true; indeed, she truly could be adept at piecing together various bits of information when she wanted to.
Case in point: When Usagi and Naru entered into the line to buy their tickets for the 7 o’clock showing of Amazon Tree Frogs on a Spaceship, the odango’ed teenager didn’t really have anything on her mind except the prospect of watching Samuel L. Jackson save a crew of hapless space travelers from hordes of colorful-but-deadly poison dart frogs. That, however, changed when she noticed Ranma’s distinctive profile out of the corner of her eye, talking to a pair of older teenagers. Naturally, given her extroverted personality, the social math problem went like this:
Ranma has friends + Ranma is my friend = New friends! ^_^ (Yes, she actually thought the emoticon.)
by Seraphim » Wed Jan 31, 2007 2:50 pm
However, Naruto was looking at him with a strange sense of.. Sasuke couldn't put a finger on it, it was familiar but..
The answer came to him in a flash. It had him hastily backing up with his hands up in defense, just as Kabuto had moments before.
It was adoration. Sasuke swore, he must have died and gone straight to hell. There was no other explanation for an expression home on any of his fan girl's faces to be worn on his rival.
by bissek » Sat Feb 03, 2007 2:01 am
"That's it. He's dead." Ukyo stood. "Pardon me, teacher, may I be excused to go commit an act of absolutely gratuitious violence upon a panda?"
"No, Kuonji-san. Vengeance quests have to wait until after school," answered the teacher. "If everyone who'd been wronged by Genma Saotome was allowed to leave school early - hardly anyone would be left in class."
It had been meant as a jest. The odd thing was that everyone present seemed to take it seriously.
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