Things you really don't care for in fan-fiction

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Re: Things you really don't care for in fan-fiction

Postby Noy Telinú » Fri Dec 21, 2012 12:14 pm

Oh you mean the whole "had your best interests in mind the whole time"?

Yeah I call bull on that one too. Happosai is selfish and self centered. The only pet the dog moments are with kids...
"Oh no! What haz happened? As you cats would say." Akane asked, horrified.

"Cats do not speak that way!" Luna yelled.

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Re: Things you really don't care for in fan-fiction

Postby Spokavriel » Fri Dec 21, 2012 12:30 pm

Or worse. Happosai kept acting worse and worse looking for where Genma and Soun would actually snap and stop him.

I'm sorry but if your students are accepting the level of evils on innocents Happosai was commonly perpetrating they are almost ready to accept murder.
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Re: Things you really don't care for in fan-fiction

Postby Noy Telinú » Fri Dec 21, 2012 12:39 pm

The "everyone hates Ranma" thing just so he can skip town bugs me.
"Oh no! What haz happened? As you cats would say." Akane asked, horrified.

"Cats do not speak that way!" Luna yelled.

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Re: Things you really don't care for in fan-fiction

Postby LawOhki » Fri Dec 21, 2012 1:56 pm

People who think they can handle a death, but end up doing so with all the tact, ability, and care of a blind pig attempting to put on make up.
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Re: Things you really don't care for in fan-fiction

Postby Dumbledork » Fri Dec 21, 2012 3:00 pm

LawOhki wrote:People who think they can handle a death, but end up doing so with all the tact, ability, and care of a blind pig attempting to put on make up.


What do you mean? Can you give an example?
And that's the bottom line 'cause Dumbledork said so.

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Re: Things you really don't care for in fan-fiction

Postby LawOhki » Fri Dec 21, 2012 3:13 pm

Dumbledork wrote:What do you mean? Can you give an example?

Sorry, I was a little subtle.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8816476/1/Half-a-Y
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Re: Things you really don't care for in fan-fiction

Postby ijp92 » Fri Dec 21, 2012 3:57 pm

didn't bother reading the whole thing. It was done really poorly. Would have better in limited flashbacks.
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Re: Things you really don't care for in fan-fiction

Postby Noy Telinú » Fri Dec 21, 2012 8:17 pm

Hmmm?

Nothing?

No one else?

Ok...

Look, I know that I have troubles writing death scenes, It's just not my strength. I get that. If you want me to revise it I gladly will.

The problem though, is that before posting I had 2 people read it. Neither of them said anything about it. I had 2 reviewers, including Dumbledork. Neither said anything about the death. So I was just :) until I read that I apparently can't
LawOhki wrote:People who think they can handle a death, but end up doing so with all the tact, ability, and care of a blind pig attempting to put on make up.
yeah,
LawOhki wrote:Sorry, I was a little subtle.
I doubt that.

I care VERY much about this stuff. I do. to LawOhki it may not SEEM like it due to wanting me to kill myself and all, but I do.

But, aperently THIS is SOoOoo bad...
"Ryoga?" Ranma picked up the cursed piglet that had stopped and was spewing blood from his mouth. "What's wrong?"

Ryoga responded by coughing up more blood before finally ceasing to struggle, eyes closing as the piglet's heart stopped.

A moment passed without any movement.

"Ryoga?" Ranma couldn't believe her eyes. "Ryoga!"

The piglet didn't respond.

Ranma felt for a pulse and found none.

"Quack!" Mousse had pulled out medical supplies from under his wings.

"I… don't think that'll do any good." Ranma's head dropped. "He's dead."


I admit, it WAS written more than a year ago and I didn't revise it much, but apparently it reeks. Sorry.

Or was it this?
Herb and her two Musk minions were already there, the formerly half dragon already walking into the water that would restore her.

However, at that moment, when the human girl was transformed back into a half dragon, disaster struck.

*COUGH* Herb's minions who were human/mammalian animal hybrids coughed up blood as they suddenly and painfully died.

Not that far away, a small, black pig was suffering the same fate.


Hmm... yeah, that's so awful, isn't it?

Or was it the not death?
Meanwhile, Ranma was walking into the dojo, having entered the property through the rear gate.

"Ranko!" Nodoka called out. "Please, can you help me?"

'Mom!' Ranma thought as she walked over to her mother. 'I'm not too late…'

"What do you want me to do?" Ranma asked as she knelt down before her mother.

"I want you to be my second… I always thought of you like the daughter I never had… Please… send me to my death so that I may see my son again," Nodoka cried.

"No! No!" Ranma shouted. "Don't do this!"

"I must… That's why I asked you… I don't think Akane could do this."

"No… No… before you do that, I… I need to show you something." Ranma pulled out the pail of preservation to get to the pot of liberation.

"Mom… I'm Ranma!" Ranma declared right before pouring the hot water over her head.

The hot water from the pot unlocked the curse, allowing Ranma to be male once more.

"DAHHHH!" He screamed in agony as blood spewed from his mouth and eyes. Clenching his chest, Ranma struggled to stay alive.

"Ranma!" Akane screamed as she ran into the dojo, witnessing him spasm on the floor.

"GRUNNKKK!" Ranma was dying fast, only his willpower allowing him to live thus far.

"Son?" Nodoka held Ranma in disbelief. "Ranma?"

Ranma nodded as he squirmed in his mother's lap, eyelids falling slowly.

"No! Ranma, you idiot!" Akane screamed as she cried uncontrollably, witnessing Ranma kill himself so that his mom could see him again.

"I love you, my son!" Nodoka cried, holding onto Ranma in his last moments.

Ranma smiled as his eyelids fell faster, happy to die with his mother's approval. He embraced the sweet stillness of death…

*Splash*

Ranma was soaked, female and unconscious… but alive.

Nodoka's looked upwards to see Akane holding the pail of preservation. "Akane?"

"I won't let him die…" Akane cried as she fell to her knees. "Please stay alive, Ranma… Please…."


I can see the issue, but that's a bit mean.

If it was, apparently so bad, why didn't anyone say anything until the person who told me to kill myself said it?

Please, either by PM, here or a new topic, tell me what I did wrong and how to fix it. I'd like that very much.

Now I don't care for Ranma being a demon or a succubus done too much and it tends to focus on Ranma having sex with guys.
"Oh no! What haz happened? As you cats would say." Akane asked, horrified.

"Cats do not speak that way!" Luna yelled.

"Normal sucks."-Noy Telinú
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Re: Things you really don't care for in fan-fiction

Postby LawOhki » Fri Dec 21, 2012 8:51 pm

Noy Telinú wrote:I admit, it WAS written more than a year ago and I didn't revise it much, but apparently it reeks. Sorry.

That makes it worse actually because the people who you showed it to did not look at it critically and in a years time, with fresh eyes on it, you felt no need to revise what works barely as an outline.

If it was, apparently so bad, why didn't anyone say anything until the person who told me to kill myself said it?

I don't know who you showed it to or why they had so little input.

Please, either by PM, here or a new topic, tell me what I did wrong and how to fix it. I'd like that very much.

If you do not understand why glossing over killing every male on the planet to have the characters focus on who's going to have Ranma's children, then I doubt that my input would help.

Now I don't care for Ranma being a demon or a succubus done too much and it tends to focus on Ranma having sex with guys.

Considering your love of lesbians, it's really funny you want to try and make a dig at one of my stories.
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Re: Things you really don't care for in fan-fiction

Postby Noy Telinú » Fri Dec 21, 2012 9:03 pm

Well then tuatara sucks as an editor for you. PM that.

WHAT? THAT'S what's bugging you? They had a week to mourn and I'm terrible at people mourning too much.

And as for that, I was referring to the AA stories, but if you want to take offense, go ahead. And what does my love of Yuri have to do with anything? I love yuri. Yes. I just see it in the most positive light than the other ones. Put that's partly because I HATE anal sex (a thing that I see too much in fanfiction) since it's messing with POOP! Yuri has the least of that happening AND the girls can be... Girls. Yaoi has way too much submissive girly guys to be realistic to me.

Besides, I like gender bending. It's how I found Ranma 1/2.

Why do you hate me so much? Huh? I'm just looking to get better. Jeeze.
"Oh no! What haz happened? As you cats would say." Akane asked, horrified.

"Cats do not speak that way!" Luna yelled.

"Normal sucks."-Noy Telinú
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Re: Things you really don't care for in fan-fiction

Postby LawOhki » Fri Dec 21, 2012 9:25 pm

Noy Telinú wrote:WHAT? THAT'S what's bugging you? They had a week to mourn and I'm terrible at people mourning too much.

That? I said originally it was that you handled it poorly, then I referenced what was the major focus of the chapter as a further criticism. (setting ranma up with a harem)

And as for that, I was referring to the AA stories, but if you want to take offense, go ahead. And what does my love of Yuri have to do with anything? I love yuri. Yes. I just see it in the most positive light than the other ones. Put that's partly because I HATE anal sex (a thing that I see too much in fanfiction) since it's messing with POOP! Yuri has the least of that happening AND the girls can be... Girls. Yaoi has way too much submissive girly guys to be realistic to me.

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Re: Things you really don't care for in fan-fiction

Postby Noy Telinú » Fri Dec 21, 2012 9:38 pm

MY brain hurts, Rainbow Dash...

So, what do you want me to do?
"Oh no! What haz happened? As you cats would say." Akane asked, horrified.

"Cats do not speak that way!" Luna yelled.

"Normal sucks."-Noy Telinú
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Re: Things you really don't care for in fan-fiction

Postby uragaaru » Fri Dec 21, 2012 10:07 pm

Let's change the subject: When characters restate, verbatim, facts that are told to us by a narrator. Why show us if you've already told us and vice-versa?
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Re: Things you really don't care for in fan-fiction

Postby Sunshine Temple » Fri Dec 21, 2012 10:59 pm

Uragaaru is right. You can get back to the topic at hand. Slight drifting here.

I know ridicule is bound to show up when you talk about what fics you dislike, but the rules against flames do hold. Also if someone suggest taking a conversation to PM or a new thread, that's a wise idea.
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Re: Things you really don't care for in fan-fiction

Postby Spica75 » Sat Dec 22, 2012 10:08 am

uragaaru wrote:Let's change the subject: When characters restate, verbatim, facts that are told to us by a narrator. Why show us if you've already told us and vice-versa?

Can be very annoying yes. Problem is the rare few times you find yourself writing and realise that you almost have to do that way or some other "doubling up", knowing you don´t like it like that, but left with only worse options...

So, while i dislike it, i try to not be too critical at it unless it´s obviously "le sucks".
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