Rinne 3

For submitting and talking about story ideas, individual scenes that need doctoring, outlines, or other detail work that isn't quite ready for the C&C thread.

Idea submissions must be at least five paragraphs long, and include plot points, summaries of which characters are involved, and, for fanfiction, how it differs from canon. Both original and fanfiction ideas welcome. Though original works should have more development. Replying posts must give actual commentary, no "GREAT IDEA" or "THIS SUCKS".

Rinne 3

Postby LawOhki » Wed Mar 18, 2015 8:45 pm

Laying partially awake in his bed with only his legs covered by a thin sheet, Ranma stared up at the ceiling listening to the groans and creaks of the strange apartment. As far as a prison cells were concerned, he figured it was nice enough. ‘Nicer than a lot of the places me and my pop stayed at.’ He thought.

It was a simple studio apartment with a twin bed, small dinner table, and a little kitchen area completely lacking in any supplies to cook. The only other notable feature was a balcony access through a large patio door. Currently he could see a tiny sliver of sunlight peeking past one of the tall buildings outside.

Kurenai had finished a brief tour of major Konoha locations by leaving him here and storming off in frustration. Sure he may have been a bit of a nuisance but it's not like they weren't holding him here against his will. He had every right to be pissed off. But he would make an effort today to be a little nicer to her. It wasn't Kurenai's fault for what that old man Sarutobi decided to do. Or what Kaede had done.

He hadn’t slept well at all. Struggling against his racing thoughts as they circled around and always came back to the kitsune who had thrown him into this strange world. For what purpose did she send him here? Was there actually some connection to this nine-tailed kitsune the people of Konoha kept asking him about?

A light but noticeable knock on the door broke him out of his reverie. Tossing off the sheet covering his legs, he hurried to answer the door to escape his boredom. On the other side he found Kurenai wearing the same odd clothing that she had worn yesterday, looking quite chipper, and eager to start the day.

“Good morning.” She greeted enthusiastically before making a big show of looking him up and down. “Did I wake you?” She asked hopefully, likely wanting to take a measure of revenge for him being justifiably annoying yesterday.

“You’re not panda enough for that.” He answered and she immediately stared at him in confusion.

“Oh, your father-- well-- anyways, village life starts early so get dressed and meet me outside if you’re so eager to see our training.” Kurenai quickly got past his admittedly strange comment.

“Okay.” He chirped and negligently closed the door as he turned to head back inside to get dressed, happy to finally have something to do.

A few minutes later, he met Kurenai at the entrance to the apartment building wearing the same clothing as yesterday since it was the only set that he had. As soon as he stepped outside he felt like he had been punched in the face by the heat. “Ugh, is this normal for around here?” He groaned.

“Welcome to the land of fire.” She answered in amusement.

zx

Aburame Shino politely declined an offer from a merchant as he slowly pursued the market waiting for his teacher to arrive. Using a henge to disguise himself as an academy student, he felt that his chances of being spotted were quite low as long as he didn’t linger too long. Academy classes wouldn’t begin for another hour and it wasn’t uncommon for a student to stop here on the way to class.

Kiba and Hinata were working together in another part of the market. Shino and his canine loving teammate had made the decision that remaining as a trio would be too suspicious. But he was keeping track of their position making use of one of his families exclusive techniques. Using one of his female kikaichu bugs hiding on Hinata, the other insects that were infused directly with his body were able to sense its location.

Casually he watched the crowd, discreetly trying to spot his jounin team leader before she could notice him. Kurenai was a genjutsu master and her skill in illusion made her very hard to fool with even the most well crafted henge.

Shino’s eyes locked briefly on Kurenai’s cousin, Ranma. There was something about the older boy that made his insects become agitated the moment they were aware of his presence. He was sure that his kikaichu weren’t trying to warn him of danger, but to them Ranma was certainly someone to be aware of.

The two red eyed individuals leaned in to whisper to each other just as they were moving behind a large crowd. Unable to move from his position quickly without giving himself away, he lost track of the pair.

‘Have I errored somehow?’ He wondered, trying to walk casually and unassumingly away from his former position. ‘No, she’s attempting to get us to reveal our positions. Because as long I remain calm and stay in character I am invisible.’

zx

Anyone else like the idea of Ranma constantly dropping in on Kurenai and surprising her, with her giving him tips on how to do it better, so he becomes scarily good at sneaking up on people?
LawOhki
User avatar
Moon Senshi
Posts: 1591
 

Re: Rinne 3

Postby J. St.C. Patrick » Thu Mar 19, 2015 2:56 am

A good bit. Noticed these three things:

Aburame Shino politely declined an offer from a merchant as he slowly pursued the market waiting for his teacher to arrive.


perused

But he was keeping track of their position making use of one of his families exclusive techniques.


family's

‘Have I errored somehow?’


erred - unless he speaks in an odd manner
Director of Forum Arts and Culture
The King of... Stuff
The Ever Ubiquitous
J. St.C. Patrick
User avatar
Moon Cat Advisor
Posts: 1995
 

Re: Rinne 3

Postby LawOhki » Thu Mar 19, 2015 5:39 am

J. St.C. Patrick wrote:A good bit. Noticed these three things:

Fixed those things.

And Shino is supposed to have an odd way of speaking but not using the wrong word. Primarily focusing on nitpicky/unimportant things and using 'because' a lot.
LawOhki
User avatar
Moon Senshi
Posts: 1591
 

Re: Rinne 3

Postby Dumbledork » Thu Mar 19, 2015 3:25 pm

Anyone else like the idea of Ranma constantly dropping in on Kurenai and surprising her, with her giving him tips on how to do it better, so he becomes scarily good at sneaking up on people


Sure. It woulkd allow Ranma to annoy people much easier.
And that's the bottom line 'cause Dumbledork said so.

Dumbledork 3:16
Dumbledork
User avatar
Prism Power Senshi
Posts: 3343
 

Re: Rinne 3

Postby LawOhki » Thu Mar 19, 2015 5:02 pm

Dumbledork wrote:Sure. It woulkd allow Ranma to annoy people much easier.

Oh that won't be that big of a problem for Ranma, especially not when Kaede reenters the picture. :twisted:
LawOhki
User avatar
Moon Senshi
Posts: 1591
 

Re: Rinne 3

Postby Blackcat101 » Sat Mar 21, 2015 10:21 am

Ranma points to Kaede "Enemy nin with hekkei genkai!"

Hey is Ranma, and he is technically correct. Plus Ranma sometimes uses a lot of cheap tricks.
Blackcat101
User avatar
Asteroid Senshi
Posts: 569
 


Return to Ideas, Outlines and Scenes

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users