The fox and the redhead, version 2 (Ranma 1/2& Naruto)

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The fox and the redhead, version 2 (Ranma 1/2& Naruto)

Postby Blackcat101 » Thu Jan 30, 2014 10:11 am

The strange black haired ninja woman with red eyes wanted to ask him questions. The problem was, Ranma had a lot of holes in his memory. Yes, no matter how he looked, he was pretty sure he was a boy. Now, how to tell thinks without them thinking 'she' was insane?

“Hi, my name is Kurenai Yuhi, what's your name?” She asked, Ranma had the felling that he wasn't usually a good liar. The woman in front of her, not only made him feel insignificant because he could 'feel' that she was stronger than him, she was a goddamn kunoichi. Lying would be a bad idea, a very idea idea.

“Ranma.” Yes his name was Ranma, no sense to lie about that, somewhat he felt that the name Ranko would work better for a girl, but why lie and risk the anger of a ninja?

“Just Ranma? Don't you have a family or clan name?” It was a reasonable question

“I... I don't know.” That was the truth, he just could not remember. For some reason she felt that the reason he didn't have a family was because he was a boy trapped in a girls body.

“Where are you from?” And here things where getting sour, there was no place called like that in any map or book the nurses had let her borrow. Still, she was a ninja, maybe she knew things other did not?

“Ever heard of a place called Nerima?” Ranma asked, he noticed the slight change in Kurenai's aura, nope, she didn't. That crushed his last hope, he had thought that Nerima place was some hidden village that was very secret, as she could remember a lot of taijutsu fights happening there.

“No, are you from there?” And the interrogation continues

“I used to live there, I think... is quite confusing, my memory is full of holes. Somewhat I get the felling I should not be a girl, but a boy. Maybe a ninja did this to me?” That seemed to caught the woman interest,

“What is the last you can remember before you woke up in the hospital?”

"There was... two boys fighting, they where using taijusu and they used weapons too... then there was a big explosion..."

"I see. I will have to get an expert to examine your memories."

"WHAT?"

"Do you want to remember, don't you?"

"Uh... do I have to?" The eight year old girl whined, then looked at her with the dreaded puppy dog eye attack. It required all of Kurenai's training to resist it. She guessed a civilian would have probably fallen to it.

“We in ninja village. The name is Konoha, the Village Hidden in the Leaves. I am afraid is necessary. ”

“Really? Is making the Shinobi visible usual for this kind of places?” Ranma blurted out with child like curiosity. "I mean... I thought that ninjas where expert on disguises!"

“Yes, is a show of power and good for business.” Well at least the woman wasn't treating her as retarded because she was a small girl. Where that had come from? "Also, if a shinobi wants not be seen, it won't be seen, unless they ranking at infiltration and espionage is too low or it faces better shinobi."

“So...” Ranma said nervous, he had to be very careful with what he said next.

“So What?” Kurenai was pretending to be distracted. A good tactic to use on small children, they always craved attention.

“What will happen to me?” And here was it, this was when his fate would be decided.

“Since you seem to be from a far away land, have no family, clan or relatives... you will be sent to the orphanage. After you get your mind cheeked by an expert. Personally, I don't think you are dangerous, but is better to be sure. It won't be the first time one of our enemies tried to use children that are too young to even be genin.”

“So, no forcefully making me a Shinobi?” The question had a double purpose, knowing if they wanted to make a ninja out of him and if that kind of thing was forced in the village. Why he asked that? Is was quite strange... what was wrong with him? It had to do with the holes in his memory?

“Konoha doesn't do that. Of course, you can try to join the Shinobi academy, but without a sponsor it would be hard. You would need money for supplies and school books.”

“I could get a part time job for that.”

“You seem quite smart for your age.” That was good, get their interest, better than be in an orphanage, right? Also, for some reason, the idea of receiving ninja training, he liked that. Just who he was? Maybe he had been a ninja in training? Why had his memories been manipulated? Why had he been found injured in a big crater? What the heck had happened?

“I am not the usual eight year old girl.” Ranma said

“Do you have a bloodline?”

“What's that?”

“Bloodlines are abilities passed down to descendants of some clans. Unlike regular Jutsu, they can't be copied or replicated. Having one would greatly help you to be accepted in the village. Unlike other places, we don't hunt down or kill people because of them having so called demon powers.”

“Well... that sounds cool. But... why do you think I have one of those?”

“Red hair isn't very common around here, and you are unusual for a child of your age.”

“I think I was was... trained.” Ranma said carefully picking his words “Some of my memories are crazy, maybe I do have anything strange that could be considered a bloodline, maybe I don't. When they see inside my head, will I get my lost memories back?”

“I am a Tokubetsu Jonin level shinobi, my specialty is genjutsu, also know as illusions. And about your lost memories, it depends on how deep the damage was. ”

“Is that a treat?” The way the woman had just introduced herself, saying what she supposed was a ninja rank and what her abilities where, screamed danger in Ranma head.

“Do you want it to be?” No shift in the woman aura, it was very good control or she was just toying with him.

“No... what do you want from me?” Ranma knew the woman was playing with him, poking for openings she could use to get more information. Not that it would do her much good, as Ranma had not much information, just headaches when he tried hard to remember.

“The way you move is interesting, your whole body language screams of a person trained extensibility in taijusu.”

Of course, Kurenai knew that because the first thing Ranma did as soon as he was good enough to move around was doing a few light katas. Of course the nurses had caught him and informed the Konoha nin.

“Well yeah.. I am the best!” Ranma said and scratched behind him head. “I think, as I said, maybe I was trained. But what about... my... problems... can you help?”

“What are your problems Ranma?” Good question, there was memory loss, and the whole gender confusion, but Kurenai already knew that. Maybe something she was afraid of?

“Uh... I have a great fear of...”

“Yes?”

“Cats.”

The woman hugged her “Please calm down.” She smelled so good, it was like flowers, it relaxed Ranma. Wait...

“You... you are using one of those illusions on me, right?” Ranma had just realized that the way he trusted the woman so fast had been quite strange. Also he felt ashamed of her fear of those furry demons so it was strange she opened up so fast.

“Well, it seems you are quite the unusual child indeed.” the hug stooped and the black haired woman made some strange hands gesture and shouted “Kai!” The need to feel comforted and tell things to the woman was gone.

Ranma looked away from her, he was angry but quickly calmed down using some technique that made the air around him cooler. Kurenai looked surprised at how the girl had calmed down even after felling betrayed. Also she noticed Ranma had said nothing about her doing the genjusu dispelling technique to eliminate her OWN illusion. That only left her with one conclusion, the redhead knew nothing about genjusu at all. The reasons why someone who seemed so skilled at other areas has not even basic genjusu training was, as some Nara would put it, troublesome.

“You know, this is highly irregular but... I may be able to help you.”

Ranma turned around and faced the woman red eyes, Ranma own eyes seemed emotionless. “Like you just helped me?”

“I told you that I was a genjutsu specialist, didn't I? Besides, I was just doing my job.”

“Right...” Ranma eyes seemed to return to normal “So, what's this help you are talking about?”

“You may be young, but you are skilled and trained. Leaving you in the orphanage would be a mistake. Would you like me to train you?”

“What?” Learning how to do illusions would be useful. But Ranma knew everything had a price. She had vague memories of some older sister always blackmailing her or something...

“You are a smart girl Ranma, probably a genius... people like you have a hard time fitting around civilians. Also with your training, they won't let you be around normal kids your own age. You also don't have anyone to help you around here. If I become your sensei, I will be... like family to you.”

The offer was a worth of consideration. She was after all, stuck in a strange ninja village in the body of a small girl. The felling that she should be an older boy instead of a girl increased. Also she wanted to be trained as a ninja and wanted to learn about illusions.

“What's the catch?”

“You will have to become a Kunoichi. Also, I will be very exigent. Don't expect me to go easy on your ok?”

“Deal.” Ranma said extending his hand, Kurenai Yuhi shake it. Gai would be probably be jealous she had snatched a taijusu genius for herself. But if the girl could also learn genjutsu, she would have a ninja that could both cast illusions and kick ass.

Now she had just to convince the Hokage about that, oh and there was the fact the poor girl memories where messed up. She would have to try to fix that.

PS: In this new version, Ranma memories are a big mess. And there won't be a quick fix.
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Re: The fox and the redhead, version 2 (Ranma 1/2& Naruto)

Postby Suryn » Thu Jan 30, 2014 8:42 pm

I like the idea of not just dumping him with everything he has, amesia will limit what he can conscoiuly do but some of his reflexes should still be there which can cause all sorts of fun.

Couple lines the wording seems to be off:

Now, how to tell thinks without them thinking 'she' was insane? <== word missing here, maybe inserting them/her to say who shes refering to?

"Also, if a shinobi wants not be seen, it won't be seen, unless they ranking at infiltration and espionage is too low or it faces better shinobi." <== Clunky. The mention of ranking in inflitration and espionage is not the best. Dealing with a tramatised child I don't think it would get menitoned, but Something simple that convays the idea.

“Since you seem to be from a far away land, have no family, clan or relatives... you will be sent to the orphanage. After you get your mind cheeked by an expert. <== cheeked should be checked.

“I am a Tokubetsu Jonin level shinobi, my specialty is genjutsu, also know as illusions. And about your lost memories, it depends on how deep the damage was. ” <== Why mention her rrank here and speciality? I do see its saying shes using her genjustu, but it just there in the statement, its out of left feild.

“Is that a treat?” The way the woman had just introduced herself, saying what she supposed was a ninja rank and what her abilities where, screamed danger in Ranma head. <== treat should be threat
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Re: The fox and the redhead, version 2 (Ranma 1/2& Naruto)

Postby frice2000 » Fri Jan 31, 2014 7:39 pm

Lots of spelling errors. 'feeling' instead of felling being the most prominent. Beyond that kind of a very odd start.
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Re: The fox and the redhead, version 2 (Ranma 1/2& Naruto)

Postby Blackcat101 » Fri Feb 07, 2014 12:47 pm

AN: I am felling kinda lazy, may edit later.

Two hours later, a professional interrogation expert was in Ranma hospital room, Kurenai was also there. The idea was having her in a familiar environment with someone she could trust, to avoid the redhead to panic. The interrogator glued a few paper seals around the room and activated them with a jutsu, ensuring no one outside could hear what they where talking about.

“Ok little girl, is nothing personal, but you need to go for a real interrogation before we let you stay in the village.”

Ranma silently nodded.

“What's your name?”

“Ranma.”

“Any family or clan name?”

“Maybe... my memory is a mess.”

“Where are you from?”

“Nerima.”

“Where is Nerima?”

“I don't have a clue.”

“How did you came to Konoha?”

“The nurses told me I was found outside the village.”

“Any idea how you ended there?”

“I was told I was found unconscious, heavy bruised and injured. The details are confusing, but before that I..." Ranma held her head in pain. >"I think I was in some kind of fight.”

“Why where you fighting?”

“No idea.”

“Are you an enemy, do you mean harm to Konoha or its inhabitants?”

“I will not be your enemy if you don't give me a reason to. I don't mean harm, but I will defend myself if I get attacked.”

“What about your skills, where you trained?”

“I was trained in martial arts, tha'ts one of the few things I am sure off.”

“Are you a killer?”

“I guess my skills could be used for killing, but I would only do that if I have no choice left. That might change later, I kind of agreeded to become a ninja after all.”

“Have you killed before?”

“No idea, maybe?”


“If we let you live here, will you be loyal to Konoha?”

Ranma looked at Kurenai “That depends on her. We made a deal, she will train me and I will become a kunoichi. As long as we both keep our word I see no problems happening. And I am very fond of keeping my word.”

“Thats enough for now.” The interrogator removed the seals and left the room with the female kunoichi.

“Well, can I adopt her now?” Kurenai asked, impatient

“She picked her words carefully, but everything she said was true as far as she knew. Still, I would recommend that some specialist tries to enter her mind. But if the Hokage doesn't think is necessary, I won't push for it. f you take responsibility for any actions she may take against Konoha, then yes, you can adopt her. You already have the Hokage permission after all.”

“What? No words about how being a parent is harder than it looks?”

“No, you are an adult woman, if you want to adopt a foreign brat is your problem, not mine.”

Kurenai nodded then entered back the room, when she told Ranma that she was gonna be her mother the little girl looked at her incredulously, then hugged her.

IIIIIIII

After hours of paperwork, medical check ups, and basicaly tiring both adult and child. It was oficial, Ranma was now Ranma Yuhi.

Ranma have up a whistle of appreciation looking around her new home. “Wow, you must be rich.” The small redhead didn't knew how much land was worth in Konoha, but having a big house in a ninja village surrounded by a giant fence must be expensive. Kurenai Yuhi feel proud, while her house wasn't as big as the Hyouga compound, it was still bigger than the houses of most single kunoichi.

“Kunoichi of my rank take difficult missions that pay well, and you would be surprised how many civilian uses genjutsu has. I am also good with seals, not the best, but still good.” Seals had even more civilian uses than genjutsu, and they provided a nice income. Teaching vain women how to do something more permanent than a henge, or at least provide an artifact with seals that did so was also profitable. She was also a tutor, she taught ninja who could afford her about genjutsu.

Ranma stomach growled, and she went into 'cute girl mode' blushing and looking embarrassed “Uh... Kurenai-san, can you please get me something to eat?”

Only her years of training in genjutsu prevented Kurenai from tackling the cute redhead in a hug. Yes, the girl was definitively trained. For what, she had no idea, due to the holes in Ranma memory.

“Of course dear, and you can just call me Kurenai when is just the two of us. Use Okasan when we are not, and Sensei when I am teaching you something.”

Ranma found herself surprised that the ninja woman was so informal, something inside Ranma head told her that those where important.

"Sure thing Kurenai, now how about lunch?"

IIIIIIIIII

Ranma yawned as she awoke the next morning. She had got a nice warm dinner, a nice hot bath, and a great sleep. She got naked, trowing her night goon and underwear over the bed and walked to the big mirror Kurenai had put in her room. She had to admit that for her age she didn't look bad, yet a part of her still nagged about the fact that she was a boy, a little sence as that made.

“I wonder how I would look if I was a boy?.” Then staring at her in the mirror, Ranma saw a strangely familiar and naked eight year old boy with black hair.

Ranma blinked, the reflexion still showed a boy, she blinked again, she was back to being a girl. What the hell?

“I knew you had a bloodline.” Her new mother and sensei said staring behind the open door. Ranma just looked at her, no shame at all for being naked.

“Well... I guess you are right?” Ranma said scratching the back of her head. “Uh... is just that... this is sure freaky, ya know? I kind of had the felling I was suposed to be a boy, but then if that was true I would be a boy all the time, right? Also, I don't remenber this happeing before.”

“I guess it must be pretty awkward... “ Kurenai admitted, this had to be the weirdest bloodline she had seen or heard about. Still, she guessed it did have its uses, a full body transformation, without hand seals, one that only seemed to use chakra to start it, then didn't seem to need it anymore to keep it. Wait, she wasn't sure about the last part, the change had only lasted a few seconds.

“Can you do it again?”

“I will try.”

Ranma looked herself in the mirror, she tried to remember what had trigged the change. “I wonder how I look as a guy.” She thought.

Ranma body changed in a mere second, Kurenai was surprised how fast the change was. Ranma body keep being male, Kurenai noticed how Ranma seemed to be getting tired fast.

“Change back now!”

“But... I prefer to be a guy!” Ranma protested, being changed into a guy had felt... right. But it looked like it was draining her. Maybe her eight year old body was not strong enough to use her bloodline, or maybe she just needed training? Ranma noticed the urge in her sensei words, changed back into a girl and felt down. Damn that was tiring!

“Now, does the change usually waste that much chakra?” It didn't seem practical, but maybe it was stress or some injury they didn't notice.

“Look, I told you that I don't' remember doing it before! And what's chakra?” Ranma asked, Kurenai eyes widened, the girl didn't knew what chakra was? Her job with her would be harder than she had thought. Still, the way her mind was, it kind of made sense she would forget something vital like that.

ORrmaybe however trained her thought it was better to focus on physical training her and had wanted to leave the theory for later.
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Re: The fox and the redhead, version 2 (Ranma 1/2& Naruto)

Postby WG_Writer » Fri Feb 21, 2014 12:26 am

Has potential, a lot of potential but a few things:

First: always make sure that the reader knows who is speaking. Never assume, and be somewhat descriptive about how they are saying it. He said/ She said usually gets boring.

Second: I have seen this style of lock before, but don't let that stop you even if reviewers say otherwise.

Third: This is the hardest part, even I fail on this one. No matter what ensure that the reader knows what is happening, even if the characters are confused. Its your story but tell it in a way that someone reading it can tell what is happening (pre-readers can help with this a lot)
Storm trooper effect works against good guys as well.
No matter how strong you are, there is always a teenager able to beat you without breaking a sweat.
A blind Paladin can only hear half truths
A deaf Paladin can only see half truths
Either way the Paladin is a berserker
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