fukufic 101: Testing chapters

For submitting and talking about story ideas, individual scenes that need doctoring, outlines, or other detail work that isn't quite ready for the C&C thread.

Idea submissions must be at least five paragraphs long, and include plot points, summaries of which characters are involved, and, for fanfiction, how it differs from canon. Both original and fanfiction ideas welcome. Though original works should have more development. Replying posts must give actual commentary, no "GREAT IDEA" or "THIS SUCKS".

fukufic 101: Testing chapters

Postby Blackcat101 » Fri Jun 14, 2013 4:16 pm

I am having quite a trouble with chapter eight, here is what I got so far...

Scene 1
IIIIII

Ranko woke up taking a shower, weird, she didn't remember getting there, her body felt a bit sore, like she had been doing a lot of exercise. (For those who haven't read my story, Ranma is pretending to be Ranko to expend a few days in Nodoka home and get to know her mother. Ranma refers to himself as Ranko when female to prevent slipping out, and because is a way of denial, yeah poor Ranma head is a bit messed up)

“Welcome back Ranma Saotome. I... the Burning Rose, kind of used your body, and I killed a youma.” (Rose is a personality of a past life Ranma had, as I said, Ranma head is pretty messed up)

Ranko was about to say something, when the memories of what had happened since Rose woke up wearing her body rushed into her head. It seems that after meeting Sailor Mercury and running away, certain ninja had been roof hoping for hours, as if to delay certain confrontation. That did explain why Ranko felt so sore.

“This wasn't what we agreed.” Ranma voice sounded cold

“I know, and I apologize. But... you just weren't there. Did something happen?”

“I talked with... a girl me, she said her name was Red, told me you been training her. She also told me how much she hated the fact I don't enjoy being a girl. We also talked about... my mother.”

“I see, anything else you wanna share?”

“Well... I think I might feel a bit less bad about being female from now on. But I still prefer to be a guy. Can... can you do that too? Drag me inside my head?”

“You where technically having an intense dream, but guess the answer is yes if certain conditions are meet. You might have been thinking about what being a girl means to you, that’s why you talked to Red. My awakening has also opened your mind.”

“Opened my mind?”

“I was as much as a martial artist as I was a user of fire magic. My senses where trained in ways you only barely had begun to tap. Now you can sense auras, way better than you used to do. You will able to detect if someone has magic, not only strong ki as your did before. You might be able to sense when a person isn't human, like a youma, demon or even a Kami in disguise. We could say that you have beginning to open your third eye.”

“Will this new senses keep getting stronger?”

“Yes, give it a few weeks and you might be able to see behind a disguise field.”

“So, we will know the Senshi civilian identities?”

“Like it was that hard, a girl with blue hair and a blonde, both teenagers. Probably go to the same school together. School most likely in Yuuban. Heck, when we start school here we not only probably go to the same school but we might even end in the same class!” Rose sounded overconfident, like she had all the answers in the world, but Ranko knew it was a mask, its what she would have done.

“Start... school here?” Ranko didn't even dare to say what that would involve, wearing a girl's uniform... someone up there must really have it for her, probably Genma's fault.

“Please, you think this whole magical girl thing was a summer job? We have to stay, that means going to school once summer ends.”

“Wait, I thought the same thing the other day, only you weren't talking in my head!”

“And?”

“We need a job...”

“The Shrine, right?”

“You weren't putting those thoughts in my head, where you?” That was a scary thought, even if Rose had said she didn't want to take over, today had proven Rose didn't deserve complete trust.

“No, but technically we are the same person, is not so weird we where thinking the same thing.” Rose didn't said it, but this was proof that even if Ranma Saotome wasn't getting more flashbacks of her life as the Burning Rose, the merging of personalities was happening anyway.

“I will get some time as a guy, right? If I have to be Ranko all the time I will go insane.” Just a few weeks ago, the idea of expending so much time as a girl and having so little time as a guy would probably have made her furious. At least Rose wasn't a girly girl, and 'Ranko' was a cute tomboy, And no one was making her wear heels, and even if auntie Nodoka was making her do girls stuff, she didn't overdo it or treat her like a dress up doll. And she haven’t been hearing anything about "Martial arts not being for proper ladies" since she made that story about being the heir of a Dojo and having to keep the tradition of the "Tendo Panda style". It seemed her mother sense of honour didn’t just involve wanting to kill his son for being unmanly.

“I know, have you noticed you forgot the waterproof soap with Ryoga?”

“We did? Then how come I didn't... is the period right?”

“Yeah, after all is a curse, but seems to respect life. it would probably get locked for a while if you ever...”

“Don't say it!”

“Sorry!”

“So, is boy Ranma once this period is over... I mean is going to be great being able to be a boy again, not so much the 'mommy finds about the curse and I get killed part.'”

“I can help with that, I can regulate our body temperature so we don't change with hot water. After all heat is generally associated with fire. And I had to master the control of the temperature of my body to become a Sage.”

“Wait... you mean you can lock my curse in both male and female forms if you want? Why the hell you didn't tell me before?””

“Is not a curse lock, I just raise or lower your body temperature and keep it that way even if you get hit by water, thus avoiding the change . Is easier to keep you as male, and I can't do it all the time or you would get sick. “

“Wait, does that mean you can keep me a whole day as a boy, without me becoming a girl?” Ranko turned off the shower and smiled, that would be awesome!

“Yes, a whole day is as much as we can risk without you getting sick. Will you forgive me?”

“Sure! Just never again take control without telling me before...” Ranko seemed to think for a moment “Unless is really important.” Ranko dried herself off with a towel

“I just had this crazy idea of taking over and make you do something really really girly... just for laughs.”

“Why? Why in the heavens why? Aren't you a tomboy?”

“I was a tomboy that lived about twenty thousand years ago, that means the most boyish look I got was dressing like Shampoo. Also I did wear dresses, never liked it much, but I did.” Rose forgot to mention the costume parties, where she usually tried her best to dress like a boy. Of course it was all in good fun, actually being a boy would gross her out.

“Maybe you should expend some time as a boy and see if you like being in the wrong gender...”

“Is that a dare?”

“Yeah, but only an hour or two, no way I will let you get me in the passenger seat more than that.”

“Deal, but is two hours out your boy time.”

“Ah come on!”

“You should cure your foot in mouth syndrome, take this as a lesson.”

“Ehh...you know how to act as a boy, right?”

“I can read your memories when I take over, but having the memories of something and doing it are two different things.”

“Maybe I can teach you in that mindscape thing?”

“I admit than that would be way less... embarrassing... for both of us. Just imagine it, Ranma Saotome, man among men, in his male form, walking and talking like a girl!”

“Maybe you don't need to...” Ranma was starting to regret her dare to Rose

“Oh no, I have my word, we are doing that!”

“Sometimes I hate how much alike we are.” Ranko said

Scene 2

IIIIII

“So... where will you live?” Ryoga had been doing his duties in the temple with Kiseki the kitsune just following him around for hours now. He had tried his best to avoid talking with the excuse of work, but now that all work was done he would have to face her.

“With my big brother of course!”

“You are a tad small for being a Temple maiden.”

There was a poof of smoke and in place of the small fox girl now was a fifteen year old Temple maiden with long black hair and green eyes “You said something?”

Ryoga blushed and looked down, it was one thing t deal with a five year old, but this... why she had to be so beautiful as a teenager?

“But what about...”

“Oh Ryoga, I see your have meet Sakura Kiseki, miss Kiseki, this is Ryoga. I hope you two learn to work well together.” Master Hino said smiling and winked at Ryoga

“What? But...”

“Ryoga, I might be an old pervert, but even I know better that to chase after a girl her age. You in the other hand, are what, sixteen at most? The perfect age for love.”

“I err...” Ryoga didn't know what to say, and his imagination wasn't helping.

“Now Master Hino, you should know better that to tease Ryoga-kun like that!”

“Well, I know he is obsessed with a girl named Akane Tendo, but is not like I find much fun at my age.”

Later

Kiseki, back into her five year old form, grabbed a coloring book. "Hahaha! This coloring book is mine all mine! I will draw without respecting the lines and use the wrong colors!" She said laughing like a villain

“I guess you are buying that.” The bookstore owned said

“Yes, small sisters can be such a bother, right?”

Scene 3

IIIIII

Usagi was drinking hot chocolate, is was one of the ways Ami had found to keep the blonde interested. Just offer her some food and or drinks she liked and she would listen to even the most boring conversations without protesting or falling asleep, at least while the food or drinks lasted. But it seemed it wasn't really needed this time, the whole story of a ninja redhead girl with fire powers and the fact she was also the reincarnation of someone from the Silver Millennium had cached Usagi interest.

“So, we will get a new Sailor Senshi that's also a ninja? That's great!”

“Usagi, for the third time, she is not a Sailor Senshi! Ami looked for this Lady Rose in the Mercury computer, and all is mentioned is that she trained the Sailor Mars from your Senshi generation.” Luna said, a vein trowing in her forehead.

“She trained a Senshi? Even better! Just think on how cool it would be to have someone like her in the team! I bet she can even teach me some ninja tricks! Just think about it, Sailor moon, ninja of love and justice!”

Ami looked at the blonde and the cat arguing, and thought about a moment if she should interfere, she decided against it. Whoever Lady Rose was, the fact there was so little information about her was worrisome. Just a footnote saying she trained the Sailor Mars know as Raven. Without anything better to do, Ami decided to use her time to investigate about this 'Raven', it was estrange she had found information about her when the information about herself and Sailor Moon was blocked. And that any other information she had tried to get about the rest of the Sailor Senshi keep giving her an “Access denied” message.

When Ami finished reading the file about the latest girl to bear the tittle of Sailor Mars, she knew why. Raven had been one of the early casualties of the war, she had been ambushed by three of the Dark Generals, and had her heart crystal completely obliterated. And because of that the file said Sailor Mars won't be able to be reincarnated. Heart crystal? And what's that?

Thankfully, information about heart crystals seemed to be unrestricted. It seemed a heart crystal was physical representation of a person's heart, but also a part of their soul. Heart crystals where also part of something called Star Seeds. The information about Star seeds said that “Required the presence of at least three Sailor Senshi” to be unblocked.

Without more information, Mercury tried to think why completely destroying a heart crystal would prevent reincarnation. While Ami was the daughter of a doctor and knew what a heart truly was, she knew that the information of the computer was talking about hearts in a metaphorical way, meaning a heart crystal basically represented people emotions and personality. If a heart crystal was a reflexion of a person heart, and also part of their soul, then without it, a person would be incomplete. Even if there was some way that person would continue to live without their heart crystal, it would be a hollow existence. People, even those who believed themselves to be rational, needed emotions in order to make decisions, without them, they wouldn't be able to pick their priorities well. Sorting their socks would become as important as paying their taxes, and without emotions, there would be no fear. A fearless emotionless person wouldn't probably last long without getting injured or killed.

Ami closed her fists in anger, until she noticed they where bleeding, stupid long nails! Without saying a word she went to get the medical kit in the bathroom and cured her wounds. That finally seemed to snap Luna and Usagi out of their argument.

“Oh my! Ami are you okay?”

“Yes... just... I am so angry! Those bastards! They don't only killed Sailor Mars, but made in in a way that hurt her soul! You know what it means?”

“Uh... no?” Luna carefully said, they where talking about Lady Rose, had Amy found something about Sailor Mars that made her act like that?

“It means that poor Raven will never be reborn, that she is literally deader than dead!”

“Uh... can the bad guys really do that?” Usagi asked, that was really scary, what if they did that to her? Worse, what if they did that to one of her friends!

“Yes, but it seems it took three dark generals facing against a single Senshi to do that, so we are safe unless the Dark Kingdom decides to go all out on us. And even then, it would be very unlikely, something about the Dark Kingdom suffering the wrath of the heavens some months later.”

“Wrath of the heavens?” Luna asked, and something seemed to click in her head “You mean... fire falling from the sky?”

“Yes, why? Do you know something about that?” Ami looked right into the cat advisor eyes.

“I wish, swished cheese memory, remember? But I do remember something about fire falling from the sky just before I went into the stasis chamber.”

“Wow! So Rose can do that? We have to get her to become a Senshi! Isn't any way we can make her a honorary member or something?”

Luna then looked at Usagi, fear showing into the cat eyes. If Usagi found out she was the princess, then she would able to grand Lady Rose provisional status as a Senshi, and so the Mars Transformation Pen would work on her. If that fire falling from the sky had been her, then making Rose a Senshi would probably make powerful enough to destroy Tokyo in a single attack.

“Only the princess could do that.”

“Then we must find that princess! "
Last edited by Blackcat101 on Wed Sep 04, 2013 1:37 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: fukufic 101: Testing chapter eight

Postby Blackcat101 » Mon Jul 01, 2013 9:17 pm

In this second version, some scenes order has been changed, and there is a change in an important plot point that will change the general direction of the fic for a while.

New Scene 1

IIIIII

Usagi was drinking hot chocolate, it was one of the ways Ami had found to keep the blonde interested. Just offer her some food and or drinks she liked and she would listen to even the most boring conversations without protesting or falling asleep, at least while the food or drinks lasted. But it seemed it wasn't really needed this time, the whole story of a ninja redhead girl with fire powers and the fact she was also the reincarnation of someone from the Silver Millennium had cached Usagi interest.

“So, we will get a new Sailor Senshi that's also a ninja? That's great!”

“Usagi, for the third time, she is not a Sailor Senshi! Ami looked for this Lady Rose in the Mercury computer, and all is mentioned is that she trained the Sailor Mars from your Senshi generation.” Luna said, a vein trowing in her forehead.

“She trained a Senshi? Even better! Just think on how cool it would be to have someone like her in the team! I bet she can even teach me some ninja tricks! Just think about it, Sailor moon, ninja of love and justice!”

Ami looked at the blonde and the cat arguing, and thought about a moment if she should interfere, she decided against it. Whoever Lady Rose was, the fact there was so little information about her was worrisome. Just a footnote saying she trained the Sailor Mars know as Raven. Without anything better to do, Ami decided to use her time to investigate about this 'Raven', it was estrange she had found information about her when the information about herself and Sailor Moon was blocked. And that any other information she had tried to get about the rest of the Sailor Senshi keep giving her an “Access denied” message.

When Ami finished reading the file about the latest girl to bear the tittle of Sailor Mars, she knew why. Raven had been one of the early casualties of the war, she had been ambushed by three of the Dark Generals, and had her Star Seed completely obliterated. And because of that the file said Sailor Mars won't be able to be reincarnated. Star Seed? And what's that?

The information about Star seeds said that “Required the presence of at least three Sailor Senshi” to be unblocked.

Without more information, Mercury tried to think why completely destroying a Star seed would prevent reincarnation. While Ami was the daughter of a doctor and knew what a seed truly was, maybe the information of the computer was talking about Star seeds in a metaphorical way, meaning a they where like souls?

They... they had destroyed a person soul...

Ami closed her fists in anger, until she noticed they where bleeding, stupid long nails! Without saying a word she went to get the medical kit in the bathroom and cured her wounds. That finally seemed to snap Luna and Usagi out of their argument.

“Oh my! Ami are you okay?”

“Yes... just... I am so angry! Those bastards! They don't only killed Sailor Mars, but made it in a way that destroyed her soul! You know what it means?”

“Uh... no?” Usagi carefully said, they where talking about Lady Rose, had Amy found something about Sailor Mars that made her act like that?

“It means that poor Raven will never be reborn, that she is literally deader than dead!”

“Uh... can the bad guys really do that?” Usagi asked, that was really scary, what if they did that to her? Worse, what if they did that to one of her friends or her family?

“Yes, but it seems it took three dark generals facing against a single Senshi to do that, so we are safe unless the Dark Kingdom decides to go all out on us. And even then, it would be very unlikely, something about the Dark Kingdom suffering the wrath of the heavens some months later.”

“Wrath of the heavens?” Luna asked, and something seemed to click in her head “You mean... fire falling from the sky?”

“Yes, why? Do you know something about that?” Ami looked right into the cat advisor eyes.

“I wish, swished cheese memory, remember? But I do remember something about fire falling from the sky just before I went into the stasis chamber.”

“Wow! So Rose can do that? We have to get her to become a Senshi! Isn't any way we can make her a honorary member or something?”

Luna then looked at Usagi, fear showing into the cat eyes. If Usagi found out she was the princess, then she would able to grand Lady Rose provisional status as a Senshi, and so the Mars Transformation Pen would work on her. If that fire falling from the sky had been her, then making Rose a Senshi would probably make her powerful enough to destroy Tokyo in a single attack.

“Only the princess could do that.”

“Then we must find that princess!"

Luna crashed her head to the ground, of course Usagi would say that! How could she have been so stupid? She should have lied and said it just wasn't possible. But then, she already felt bad enough for lying to her princess, she didn't want to add more lies unless they where really needed.

“About that princess... “ Ami said, getting Usagi attention

“What about her? Did you find anything in the Mercury computer? Is she cute? Do you think she likes shopping and videogames too?”

“Well, no, that's what worries me. If we are supposed to find the princess, how come I can't access information about her in the Mercury computer? Is not like the Dark Kingdom doesn't already know who she was in the past, so why I can't?”

“Well...” Luna said, of course the information would be blocked, Sailor Mercury was very smart. If she had been able to read about Princess Serenity she would piece together that Sailor Moon was the princess. She had already deduced what planets the rest of the Inner Senshi had.

“Yes?” Ami asked, looking impatient

“There was no way to know if the Sailor Senshi reborn would side with the princess, or be find earlier by the Dark Kingdom and brainwashed into serve Queen Metalia.”

“Don't out Senshi powers protect us from being controlled by Metalia?”

“Yes, but...” Luna thought fast what to say “If your Senshi powers haven't been active when they brainwashed you, or you had been convinced to join willingly...”

“But besides avoiding being drained by youma, my Senshi Powers didn't really work until you have me the transformation pen. If I have access to the Mercury computer, doesn't that mean I deserve some trust?”

“Ehh... if you had been turned into a youma, said youma would have Sailor Mercury powers...” Luna had just trow a shot in the dark, she was getting out of excuses.

“Can they do that too?” Usagi asked, destroying a piece of your soul so you couldn't reborn, tuning people into youma, the Dark Kingdom was sounding really scary today.

“Uh... maybe?” Luna was looking really nervous

“But won't have my powers have protected me? Like they did from energy draining?” Ami was sounding suspicious, just what was Luna hiding?

“The... the people of the Silver Millennium was really, really paranoid?”

Then it was Usagi who was eying at Luna suspiciously “Luna, what are you hidding?”

“Ehh... I can't tell you, not until we get the other Sailor Senshi to join us.”

“Okay!” Usagi said in a happy voice, and since she was out of hot chocolate turned around and picked to read a teen magazine that was over the table.

“You could have just said that.” Ami said, with her arms crossed.

“Really? You aren't even gonna ask why I can't tell you about the princess?” They... they had so much trust in her? It made her feel like a rat for being forced to lie to the girls.

“While I admit having a cat bossing me around isn't my ideal way to pass the time, and that the fact your memory seems bad worries me, you must have your reasons.” Considering the conversation was over, Ami picked a book to read, maybe today she would finally have enough time to finish reading The Odyssey by Homer.

With the two girls ignoring her and being busy reading, Luna lazily sat in the couch next to the blonde. Sometimes it was really bizarre how those two could go from discussing about Sailor Senshi stuff to do other things just like that. It was also annoying both girls would just go to do other things once they considered a Sailor Senshi conversation was over, just ignoring Luna. But then, being a Senshi had taken time out of both girls personal time, Ami was sometimes quite blunt when acting as Sailor Mercury and Usagi had a short attention span.

As strange as it was, they had a team dynamic, and it worked. Ami tried very hard to make Usagi study and be a better Sailor Senshi, but basically all she had in common with Usagi was being a Senshi, so who could blame her for just going to do what she wanted once Senshi business was done for the day? Is not like Ami didn't get along with the blonde, is just that they where very different.

Usagi... well, she was Usagi. Sometimes she was the typical blonde klutz, others she acted like a ten year old instead of her own age. But occasionally she acted smart, hinting that perhaps the way she acted was because of personal preference and not because she was stupid. She was surprisingly good adjusting to other people, that made it weird that her only frequent friends where Ami and Naru. Her way of thinking was something like “A talking cat? Big deal, I see that on Tv all the time. Being Sailor Moon and saving the world? Hey at least the costume is cute and being an heroine is cool. There are other Sailor Senshi? I wonder if Sailor V is real, that would be amazing! Sailor Mercury is a genius? Great, she can help me with my homework!”

So, it should haven't been a surprise she was so eager to welcome Lady Rose to the team. At least Ami and Luna had hammered in Usagi head enough times that they shouldn't involve non Senshi in their fight against the Dark Kingdom. Or just the fact Rose was a ninja with fire powers would have made the blonde try to recruit her right away.

New Scene 2

IIIIII

“So... where will you live?” Ryoga had been doing his duties in the temple with Kiseki the kitsune just following him around for hours now. He had tried his best to avoid talking with the excuse of work, but now that all work was done he would have to face her.

“With my big brother of course!”

“You are a tad small for being a Temple maiden.”

There was a poof of smoke and in place of the small fox girl now was a fifteen year old Temple maiden with long black hair and green eyes “You said something?”

Ryoga blushed and looked down, it was one thing to deal with a five year old, but this... why she had to be so beautiful as a teenager?

“But what about...”

“Oh Ryoga, I see your have meet Sakura Kiseki, miss Kiseki, this is Ryoga. I hope you two learn to work well together.” Master Hino said smiling and winked at Ryoga

“What? But...”

“Ryoga, I might be an old pervert, but even I know better that to chase after a girl her age. You in the other hand, are what, sixteen at most? The perfect age for love.”

“I err...” Ryoga didn't know what to say, and his imagination wasn't helping.

“Now Master Hino, you should know better that to tease Ryoga-kun like that!”

“Well, I know he is obsessed with a girl named Akane Tendo, but is not like I find much fun at my age.”

Later

Kiseki, back into her five year old form, grabbed a coloring book. "Hahaha! This coloring book is mine all mine! I will draw without respecting the lines and use the wrong colors!" She said laughing like a villain

“I guess you are buying that, right?” The bookstore owned said

“Yes, small sisters can be such a bother, right?”

New Scene 3

IIIIII

Ranko woke up taking a shower, weird, she didn't remember getting there, her body felt a bit sore, like she had been doing a lot of exercise.

“Welcome back Ranma Saotome. I... the Burning Rose, kind of used your body, and I killed a youma.”

Ranko was about to say something, when the memories of what had happened since Rose woke up wearing her body rushed into her head. It seems that after meeting Sailor Mercury and running away, certain ninja had been roof hoping for hours, as if to delay certain confrontation. That did explain why Ranko felt so sore. Ranko didn't get the memories of Rose flashback for some reason, so she didn't knew about Rose sacrifice, or the fact she had lied about never being a mother since she had a son.

“This wasn't what we agreed.” Ranko... no... Ranma female voice sounded cold

“I know, and I apologize. But... you just weren't there. Did something happen?”

“I talked with... a girl me, she said her name was Red, told me you been training her. She also told me how much she hated the fact I don't enjoy being a girl. We also talked about... my mother.”

“I see, anything else you wanna share?”

“Well... I think I might feel a bit less bad about being female from now on. But I still prefer to be a guy. Can... can you do that too? Drag me inside my head?” Ranma sounded a bit insecure and scared, if there was an enemy she didn't know how to fight, was one inside her head. The neko-ken was bad enough and now she had two girls inside her mind that could manipulate her.

“You where technically having an intense dream, but guess the answer is yes if certain conditions are meet. You might have been thinking about what being a girl means to you, thats why you talked to Red. My awakening has also opened your mind.”

“Opened my mind?”

“I was as much as a martial artist as I was a user of fire magic. My senses where trained in ways you only barely had begun to tap. Now you can sense auras, way better than you used to do. You will able to detect if someone has magic, not only strong ki as your did before. You might be able to sense when a person isn't human, like a youma, demon or even a Kami in disguise. We could say that you have beginning to open your third eye.”

“Will this new senses keep getting stronger?”

“Yes, give it a few weeks and you might be able to see behind a disguise field.”

“So, we will know the Senshi civilian identities?”

“Like it was that hard, a girl with blue hair and a blonde, both teenagers. Probably go to the same school together. School most likely in Yuuban. Heck, when we start school here we not only probably go to the same school but we might even end in the same class!” Rose sounded overconfident, like she had all the answers in the world, but Ranko knew it was a mask, its what she would have done.

“Start... school here?” Ranko didn't even dare to say what that would involve, wearing a girl's uniform... someone up there must really have it for her, probably Genma fault.

“Please, you think this whole magical girl thing was a summer job? We have to stay, that means going to school once summer ends.”

“Wait, I thought the same thing the other day, only you weren't talking in my head!”

“And?”

“We need a job...”

“The Shrine, right?”

“You weren't putting those thoughts in my head, where you?” That was a scary thought, even if Rose had said she didn't want to take over, today had proven Rose didn't deserve trust.

“No, but technically we are the same person, is not so weird we where thinking the same thing.” Rose didn't said it, but this was proof that even if Ranma Saotome wasn't getting more flashbacks of her life as the Burning Rose, the merging of personalities was happening anyway.

“Look... you betrayed my trust, you broke your word. I don't think I can trust you anymore, even after you apologized. And... the brutal way you beat that youma... Sailor Mercury was scared of you, and I think she was right.”

“What do you mean?”

“Our deal is over, I know I can't really prevent you for taking control if you want to, but don't expect me to cooperate.”

“Have you noticed you forgot the waterproof soap with Ryoga?” Rose said, trying to change the subject

“I did? Then how come I didn't... is the period right?”

“Yes, the curse would probably get locked for a while if you ever...”

“Don't say it!”

“Sorry!”

“So, is boy Ranma once this period is over... and when that happens... I want to go back to my old life. Will you try to stop me?'”

“Ranma Saotome, will you just let the Sailor Senshi fight youma alone, without your help? What about your honor? Can you really just let those poor girls get killed?”

“Don't talk to me about honor, I am tired of that crap! I am tired of people using the word honor just to abuse me, then ignoring the same honor when is convenient for them. I want to control my life instead of having others controlling it!”

“You really think you can just run away back to Nerima, like nothing had happened?”

“You aren't a Sailor Senshi, right? And even if you once where, all obligations and debts cease at death. This isn't my fight. As I said before, I can't really stop you, but you can't control me all the time.“

“Ranma, I can regulate our body temperature so we don't change with cold water. Is not a cure, but is pretty close. If you decide to stay... I can make it so you can be a boy all the time you want, as long as you are awake.”

“You had that ability all this time and never told me? Of course you didn't, you needed me to be Ranko, not Ranma. And now that your plans, whatever they are, seem to be failing, you try to bribe me. Not a chance!”

“I could take control of your body, turn into a boy and ruin your reputation, please don't make me do that Ranma, we need to work together, not against each other!”

“And when a bribe doesn't work, you try threatening me. Ya know, for a while I... I admired you. But... you just are like everyone else in my life, just using me for their selfish goals without caring about what I want.”

Silence, Ranma waited several minutes, Rose didn't seem to be in the mood to talk to her anymore. She had done the same when Ranma asked if one of the Senshi was Queen Serenity or the Princess. Ranma tries to calm down, it takes her almost an hour to do so.

“Look... it wasn't just my anger talking. Once, a wise man told me that Destiny is what you make of it, after Jusenko, I had stooped believing that. But now, I want to believe that again. I must stop losing time and just go to get what I want. Is after all, what you did yourself, right? Abandoning your father to join the Amazons.”

Rose still didn't seem like it wanted to talk to Ranma

“I will go to China and try to get a cure, I don't care how many obstacles get in my way. I know Red will be furious with me, and you too, but I have to at least try. You said yourself than the Queen was very smart, there must be some backup plan to help the Senshi, even if they don't have Sailor Mars around.”

“I am proud of you Ranma Saotome.” said Rose voice, it sounded sincere

“What? How can you say that when I am basically ruining your plans?” Now Ranma was confused, was Rose trying to manipulate him again?

“I have been a hypocrite, wanting to rule your life when myself did everything I could to walk my own path. I don't know if the path you have chosen is the right one or not, but is one you have picked yourself. A true sage is not bossed around by anyone, he or she makes its own choices.”

“So... you won't try to stop me?” Ranma sounded hopeful, could it be that finally, things is her life started to take a turn for the better?

“Of course I will try to stop you, where would be the fun if I didn't?”

“WHAT'? Then why you just said you where proud of me? Are you just playing around?”

“Is Ranma Saotome, man among men, backing down for a challenge? Will he be defeated by a weak woman?”

“NEVER!”

“Good, once your period is over prepare for war Saotome, I won't go easy on you.”

“What about Red? Will it be two against one?”

“I won't let her interfere, this is personal.”

Ranma face formed into a confident smirk, she knew that if it was two against one she would surely lose, but one vs one? At least now she had a chance. Ranma didn't realize it, but by facing Rose, she had stooped to refer as herself as Ranko when she was female.

“Then let the best warrior win!”

“Ranma, your period isn't over yet.”

“Ah right... could you let me alone until then? I don't want you reading my thoughts and finding out my plans.”

“Sounds fair, besides, you need all the help you can help.”

“Hey! Don't underestimate me!” Ranma protested, but Rose didn't answer back

AN1: A pre reader pointed to me that Ranma was just letting Rose boss him around because he respected her, but after Rose betrayed Ranma trust, Ranma won't be happy and shouldn't easily forgive her.
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Re: fukufic 101: Testing chapters

Postby Blackcat101 » Wed Sep 04, 2013 1:47 am

Chapter nine,

I think is funny, but I am not entire convinced with this scene.

Scene 5 Ranma vs Rose?

IIIIII

Ranma Saotome, in his male form, stood in the middle of a forest clearing. It was the middle of the night, with a full red moon and no stars in the sky. Instead of his regular Chinese clothes, he was wearing a white training gi with a black belt, and he was barefooted.

"Where, where I am?" Ranma looked around confused, then he realized where he was and what it meant. He must be inside his own mind, and Red must have lost, now he had to face Rose.

"Oh, what did the cat bring in?" Rose said appearing at some distance from him. Ranma noticed the black cat ears over Rose head, and the feline black tail she seemed to have behind her. She was also dressed with a training gi, black belt and barefooted, only her gi was red. Normally watching something cat-like would be enough to at least make him nervous, but he just couldn't, there was too much at risk, the air around him drooped several degrees, becoming cold.

"Soul of ice, meow?"

"Stop playing games! We are here to fight!" Ranma shouted angry. Still he didn't attack, his style of fighting was better at counterattacks, and he didn't know much about Rose fighting style just what Red had show him using memories.

"Oh, but isn't doing anything to win the core of the Anything Goes style of martial arts?" Rose said and grinned showing cat like teeth, she was using the same casual stance Ranma used when fighting weaker opponents.

"I knew it! You are just like Shampoo and Cologne, you will do anything to get what you want, no matter how dirty or cheap!"

"I am a Joketsuzoku, what did you expect? About ten thousand years ago the Joketsuzoku where a nation of several warrior women tribes. I was in a war with both the Musk and the Phoenix people. I was the great Crimson general who defeated the First Dragon King of the Musk. And when the Phoenix people proved too strong to be defeated, I sacrificed myseft for a truce. But it didn't go as expected..."

"Uh?" Ranma looked at her confused, What was going on? He was ready for a fight and Rose started to tell him her life story?

"You see Ranma, the universe seeks balance, Yin and Yang must coexist as they cannot survive without each other. Instead of dying in the sacrifice, I became the Yin of the Phoenix, like the The Phoenix King Saffron became the Yang. I am the female form of the phoenix, the moon of magic while Saffron is the male form, the sun of chi."

"Why are you telling me all this? And why the heck should I care?" Ranma asked, the soul of ice now gone.

"Because Red made me notice something important. I am just a shadow of what you once where, I cannot replace you, my destiny is to eventually fade away. Besides, while I know you would have preferred to solve this in a fight-"

Ranma felt down, his whole body aching, he had just received ten thousand punches all over his body and it was as if every punch had Ryoga full strength behind it. It all happened so fast he just couldn't see it. The only reason he guessed why he didn't have anything broken was because this was his own mind, so he was stronger here. It took great effort and pain, but Ranma finally stood up after almost a minute.

"-You are totally outclassed." Red didn't seem like she had moved at all, but the dirt in her feet told Ranma otherwise.

"So, you are just giving up, just like that?" Despite the protest Ranma felt relieved, this had just proven he still had a lot to go to be stronger than Rose, and even if Rose had been weaker, she still had fire magic, and Ranma didn't have anything to fight that but the soul of ice.

"I am not fighting you, but I ain't giving up either. I decided I will just stop bugging you for a while. Like I did, you need to choose your own path. Bye for now Sailor Mars."

"I ain't a stupid magical girl!" Ranma yelled and heard the sound of something hitting the grass, behind his back, Rose had just disappeared. Ranma looked behind him and saw that his ponytail was now in the ground. He touched the back of his head, yes, he just got a hair cut.

"DAMMIT ROSE, THIS ISN'T FUNNY!" Indeed it wasn't funny, since when certain Ranko Tendo woke up in the morning she found that he
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Re: fukufic 101: Testing chapters

Postby Dumbledork » Wed Sep 04, 2013 7:18 am

Ranma is a bit of a hypocrite here. He uses any means to win.
And that's the bottom line 'cause Dumbledork said so.

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