Strained Harmony [R.5][SM] Ch3 New First Scene

[LawOhki]

Personal insults and flames are disallowed under Rule 1E and Rule 1G.

Since no Admin or Moderator has given you any warning or reprimand you have not drifted into personal insults.

So you'll need to find another reason to figure out why I'm not replying to your commentary, and have not for some time.

I suggested that you would take it as an insult, not that it actually was. Because I'm pretty sure all you really want is grammar/spelling catches. Either because of ego (having a fairly active website and a decent sized fanbase for a long amount of time) or having enough like minded individuals you are in constantly in contact with to minimize... dissent, or because the commentary itself is bad.

Personally I find it hard to lean towards the third because you don't explain why you dismiss/ignore criticism from anyone. As an example, I remember specifically when frice echoed my dislike of your hair... plot, there really isn't anything else to call it, it takes up a majority of the chapter, your response was simply "the hair stays".

Sorry if I offend, but after reading every one of your stories, putting in more time to give commentary on new material, I have no further desire to be rebuked with such a snooty response that I should just guess why I'm beneath a response.

[Sunshine Temple]

That this thread exists at all is an excellent rebuke to the idea of all I "really want is grammar/spelling catches" or ignores dissident. Taking an existing chapter and adding whole scenes as suggested by critical commentary.

And the "the hair stays" came after after several posts back and forth with Frice.

It is not negativity, but the content. Again, this very thread is proof that I can be convinced to take a chapter and do major changes. They may not be the changes you like, but it's not the chapter I originally wanted to post either.

[Moridin]

looks good. having read the first 2 chapters and this a few times, it seems that this is more of a finding family, solving problems kind of fic rather than a kick ass and take names, unless it's going to evolve into a bit of both?

it did seem a little hard to see what Ranma thought of Usagi, or that could have just been me being ignorant and not spotting it.

p.s oops just noticed I might have necro'd this thread. if so please forgive.

[Sunshine Temple]

No worries about the necro. You were adding new information.

Thanks for the review!

Yes, it is more based on the family and solving their problems and less of the fighting monsters side of it.

What do you mean it was hard to see what Ranma thought of Usagi?

[Moridin]

It might just be because there are some things in everyday interaction that I don't notice, being somewhat of a recluse.

That said. it is just their first meeting, although he has apparently seen Usagi around at school. He has not actually met her in a completely informal situation and she dose appear to be acting in the role of Princess of the Moon rather than herself. Usagi also acts a little rash, sure we know after the fact that there's some kind of ward in place when she first gets there. There's also the bit where she reveals Ranma and her's Senshi mark without checking if it was safe to do so.

I dunno, could be wrong. though it might need pointing out to me the facts before I get it completely.

[Sunshine Temple]

Moridin

It might just be because there are some things in everyday interaction that I don't notice, being somewhat of a recluse.

That said. it is just their first meeting, although he has apparently seen Usagi around at school. He has not actually met her in a completely informal situation and she dose appear to be acting in the role of Princess of the Moon rather than herself. Usagi also acts a little rash, sure we know after the fact that there's some kind of ward in place when she first gets there. There's also the bit where she reveals Ranma and her's Senshi mark without checking if it was safe to do so.

[Well Usagi is a bit rash. She does leap into things.
[Hmmm, would you say she's doing too far?

[ I also tried to show her trying to be more "princess"

I dunno, could be wrong. though it might need pointing out to me the facts before I get it completely.

[Such as? The scene is problematic as it's alone.
[Though on the upside it is the first scene in the chapter, so that helps

[Thanks for the comments.

[I might need to revise Usagi a bit. Maybe she's a bit too reckless. But she is Usagi.

[Spokavriel]

Well it is a first official meeting. She's likely already been harped at about precautions they are already having to take. So while her incautious actions would normally fit do they really fit after others help point out what a bad idea it is. Likely in the same day?

[Moridin]

It dose seem that ditz Usagi is fighting with princess Usagi during it.

ditz Usagi, getting there late, princess Usagi appearing in the princess Serenity clothes, or close to them.
ditz, talking about Senshi busness while people could here, princess knowing about the W.A.R.D.S against people hearing.
ditz, showing off Ranma's mark without checking if people are around, if its ok with Ranma and if there might be negative effects for Ranma.
Princess, or at least more mature, not bursting into tears when Setsuna tells her off for it.

its also when during the SM series this is, cause I get two possible the time frames, it's either Post-Pharoh 90 or Post-Galaxia. after all if its post-Galaxia her half ditz half princess persona makes sense.

[Sunshine Temple]

Spokavriel

Well it is a first official meeting. She's likely already been harped at about precautions they are already having to take. So while her incautious actions would normally fit do they really fit after others help point out what a bad idea it is. Likely in the same day?

[I could see that. Especially if she wasn't harped on it that much. And she got carried away in the excitement.

Moridin

It dose seem that ditz Usagi is fighting with princess Usagi during it.

[Heh.

ditz Usagi, getting there late, princess Usagi appearing in the princess Serenity clothes, or close to them.
ditz, talking about Senshi busness while people could here, princess knowing about the W.A.R.D.S against people hearing.
ditz, showing off Ranma's mark without checking if people are around, if its ok with Ranma and if there might be negative effects for Ranma.
Princess, or at least more mature, not bursting into tears when Setsuna tells her off for it.

[I suppose that's a good mix.


its also when during the SM series this is, cause I get two possible the time frames, it's either Post-Pharoh 90 or Post-Galaxia. after all if its post-Galaxia her half ditz half princess persona makes sense.

[It's definitly post Pharoh 90. Not quite post Galaxia.

[But she is more matured.

[Thanks for commenting.

[katleeh]

Hello.

Having been a long time reader of this story, I can comment on quite a bit. I was worried this story was dead considering how long it had gone without an update. That being said, I've read chapters 1 and 2 many times so am glad to see the continuation. This new first scene really helps the chapter as it makes a better connection to the other 2 chapters. However, it only makes some of the connection. There needs to be a second add on scene I think that depicts something that's as important in how you've written the story. That is the battle. Instead of flash backs, I think adding the battle near the beginning of chapter 3 would help a lot. One of the things that bothers me about this chapter the way its written so far is that there are references to a battle, enough that Ranma seems to be experiencing some PTSD. She's having flashbacks for crying out loud. And I keep wondering "What the heck happened between the chapters?' I feel the battle needs to be shown because I think there's too much that happened in it to really be able to gloss over with flash backs.

Otherwise, I love it.

- Katrina

[Sunshine Temple]

Thanks for commenting katleeh.

I have some good news for you.

In the revised chapter 3 there is a followup scene that does show *most* of the battle. I've bent my rule of "No combat in Strained Harmony" perhaps to the breaking point, but yes the stuff that has Ranma get that reaction has been shown.

The second scene is Ranma and Hotaru and Setsuna training, and then they get called in to provide backup in that fight scene.

The third scene is Ranma and Ami and Ami does some tests with her computer on Ranma's magic.

And after that it goes to the mall with Ranma with her friends, which is the old start of the chapter if I recall.

Thanks again for commenting! I hope this reassures you a bit more.

Chapter 3 has been written and is being preread and corrected right now.

[Dumbledork]

Did you put the changes in the first post of the thread or on your homepage?

[katleeh]

Yes, thank you, it does.

The idea of there not being any combat in a ranma/sm crossover is rather fascinating and I admit I am even more impressed with the way you have done a lot of it. The concept sounds like quite the challenge to say the least. Course, with having Ranma being a healer, that could make for a more fitting storyline involving a major natural catastrophe or something. No combat there . Hmm.....

- Katrina

[Sunshine Temple]

Did you put the changes in the first post of the thread or on your homepage?

Changes have not been put online yet no.

I'm thinking of putting up that new second scene in a new thread here though.

Yes, thank you, it does.

The idea of there not being any combat in a ranma/sm crossover is rather fascinating and I admit I am even more impressed with the way you have done a lot of it. The concept sounds like quite the challenge to say the least. Course, with having Ranma being a healer, that could make for a more fitting storyline involving a major natural catastrophe or something. No combat there . Hmm.....

- Katrina

Indeed. My fics can have a lot of combat (often some very gore-filled stuff), but I thought for the tone of Strained Harmony, that focusing on the other aspects of the story would be better.

It is a challenge, especially as you noted, this one fight scene is very critical, and showing it is a huge necessity.

Very good point on the natural catastrophe. That does take advantage of Ranma's powers.

Thanks!

[Dumbledork]

The link to Trimatter's homepage doesn't work.

I have a question about Florestica. Do the authors still update their stories or is the page pretty much dead?