Return Revised Book Four: Capital Offense

This is for posting Fiction and C&C replies ONLY. Note this does not have to be a "fukufic" or even fanfiction. All completed /ready-for0review longform creative writing allowed. No posting of individual scenes; that is what the Outlines and Scenes section is for.Replying posts must give actual commentary, no "GREAT IDEA" or "THIS SUCKS".

Return Revised Book Four: Capital Offense

Postby Sunshine Temple » Fri Sep 28, 2018 6:06 pm

And here we are the last book before Blood Debts.

Things go up to Ottawa and go... wrong.


Chapter one can be read here

Also: Bonding Allure is going well. One scene left in chapter 1.
Sunshine Temple
User avatar
Site Mistress
Posts: 2086
 

Re: Return Revised Book Four: Capital Offense

Postby Sunshine Temple » Fri Oct 05, 2018 11:09 pm

Chapter 2 is up. And now the planned... robbery starts.
Sunshine Temple
User avatar
Site Mistress
Posts: 2086
 

Re: Return Revised Book Four: Capital Offense

Postby Sunshine Temple » Fri Oct 12, 2018 8:33 pm

Chapter 3, here's where a simple plan... stops being quite so simple.
Sunshine Temple
User avatar
Site Mistress
Posts: 2086
 

Re: Return Revised Book Four: Capital Offense

Postby Sunshine Temple » Fri Oct 19, 2018 6:34 pm

Chapter 4 is up. And now we see why the Company was warning the Russian Cyborgs to now muck around with reality.
Sunshine Temple
User avatar
Site Mistress
Posts: 2086
 

Re: Return Revised Book Four: Capital Offense

Postby Sunshine Temple » Sat Oct 27, 2018 12:04 am

And chapter 5 is up.

The midway point and the battle is starting to... turn.
Sunshine Temple
User avatar
Site Mistress
Posts: 2086
 

Re: Return Revised Book Four: Capital Offense

Postby Sunshine Temple » Fri Nov 02, 2018 7:58 pm

Chapter 6 is up.

And things.... well the battle keeps turning.
Sunshine Temple
User avatar
Site Mistress
Posts: 2086
 

Re: Return Revised Book Four: Capital Offense

Postby Sunshine Temple » Fri Nov 09, 2018 9:44 pm

Chapter 7 is up.

And Ranma was warned not to mess with her powers...
Sunshine Temple
User avatar
Site Mistress
Posts: 2086
 

Re: Return Revised Book Four: Capital Offense

Postby Sunshine Temple » Fri Nov 23, 2018 5:10 pm

Whoops. Forgot to mention ch8 is up last week.

Aslo chapter 9 is up.

So one last chapter to go.
Sunshine Temple
User avatar
Site Mistress
Posts: 2086
 

Re: Return Revised Book Four: Capital Offense

Postby Sunshine Temple » Fri Nov 30, 2018 9:00 pm

And here we go....

Chapter 10 is posted.

Next well will be something new.

Bonding Allure.
Sunshine Temple
User avatar
Site Mistress
Posts: 2086
 

Re: Return Revised Book Four: Capital Offense

Postby Ellen Kuhfeld » Sat Dec 01, 2018 10:32 am

Wow. After reading Chapter 9, I feel trepidation. Consider taking this up to an M?
Visit Big Washuu's Lab of Arcane Knowledge at http://washuu.net
Ellen Kuhfeld
User avatar
Sailor Starlight
Posts: 1796
 

Re: Return Revised Book Four: Capital Offense

Postby Sunshine Temple » Sat Dec 01, 2018 5:28 pm

I'm not sure. I try to keep it in Lime territory and not be too explicit in sexual content (ironic for a story about succubae).

Violent content on the other hand.

Hmm.
Sunshine Temple
User avatar
Site Mistress
Posts: 2086
 

Re: Return Revised Book Four: Capital Offense

Postby Ellen Kuhfeld » Sat Dec 01, 2018 6:49 pm

Sunshine Temple wrote:I'm not sure. I try to keep it in Lime territory and not be too explicit in sexual content (ironic for a story about succubae).

I didn't see any strict lemon. For one, none of them had a willy to wave around. I've been reading Worm fanfics lately, and they can easily match your violent scenes. But you do enough sensuality with eating to remind nearly any reader that Gluttony is one of the Seven Deadly Sins. Ditto clothes, though I'm not as sure what Sin that would be. You're doing an excellent job of keeping Pride and Wrath behaving.

Bah. I'm a Spiderist. I shouldn't go around talking Christian theology.
Visit Big Washuu's Lab of Arcane Knowledge at http://washuu.net
Ellen Kuhfeld
User avatar
Sailor Starlight
Posts: 1796
 

Re: Return Revised Book Four: Capital Offense

Postby Sunshine Temple » Sun Dec 02, 2018 12:04 am

That's a relief.

Though for the "wave around", there are hints about succubae and their tails.
Which they /do/ wave around. If memory serves Misako does just that in to Rei in Capital Offense.

And that's good that the violence isn't out of context.

Guilty, I do use food and clothes as proxies. Strained Harmony is even more blatant about it.

As for the sin of clothes, well that's vanity, which isn't one of the big 7. But could have Greed in it. And well Lust, but they /are/ demons.

Heh, given Ranma's ego, I'll take that about Pride.

Thanks!
Sunshine Temple
User avatar
Site Mistress
Posts: 2086
 

Re: Return Revised Book Four: Capital Offense

Postby Ellen Kuhfeld » Sun Dec 02, 2018 8:27 am

Ranma has an ego, but break through that crust and there's insecurity below. That's one of the things you're handling especially well.
Visit Big Washuu's Lab of Arcane Knowledge at http://washuu.net
Ellen Kuhfeld
User avatar
Sailor Starlight
Posts: 1796
 

Re: Return Revised Book Four: Capital Offense

Postby Sunshine Temple » Sun Dec 02, 2018 12:41 pm

Ellen Kuhfeld wrote:Ranma has an ego, but break through that crust and there's insecurity below. That's one of the things you're handling especially well.


Thanks you. I really appreciate that.

I do try to have that. Ranma's flaws and challenges in the Return aren't just the physical (which... some will say she's overpowered, and I'll cop to that).

The bigger character dynamic is that she's literally a teenage single mother who gave up her species and gender for her family.

And she's surrounded, mostly, by Alpha personality mercenary / spec ops types.

Hence her rivalry with the Senshi, and her issues with Serenity.
Both thinking she's better than Usagi and that Usagi (the literal angel-winged princess in white) is too good for someone like her (poor uncouth martial artist or grubby demon).

Blood Debts was fun as it changed the POV so it allowed for Dresden to get to know Ranma better and see what's beyond the front the redhead puts up.

Bonding Allure will be interesting as it continues Ranma and Usagi's relationship while also having Ranma et al learn more about the BlackSky side of the family. There's also Nodoka's role in this, which also has Ranma feeling like she can't do what needs to be done for her mother.

Because until now the brood has largely existed in a vacuum. Yes they know the history, yes BlackSky visited them (once), and yes Alexia was the antagonist in the first book. But they haven't seen the demonic society BlackSky built.

Ranma's insecurities come in what her place, more accurately DarkStar's place, is in that society. The rumors of DarkStar's return prompted the exiled Alexia. DarkStar visiting in the flesh to Silvana, to the seat of BlackSky's power...


Speaking of Ranma. This bit of art shows she knows she can dress well
Ranma dressed to the nines

But that has the conflict of her wondering what is proper for her
Sunshine Temple
User avatar
Site Mistress
Posts: 2086
 

Next

Return to Stories and C&C

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users