Chapter 2
A Clever Plan is a Guarantee of Success!<b>Chapter 2
A Clever Plan is a Guarantee of Success!</b>
They decided to hold their war council right there, at the tea table.
Shantae was ret-2-go, bursting with blind enthusiasm of a neophyte as she thought her magic to be a deck of hidden aces.
“No!” Genma objected categorically. He then explained a fact obvious to him: “However many surprises you may have, any of them would only work once, without guarantee at that. The Anything-goes school specializes in adaptability and creating counters.”
“Even Shampoo adapted to your style quickly,” Ranma reminded her. “You'll see it when she comes for the rematch, turning into an elephant will be useless.”
“`Even`?” Shantae was surprised. “Isn't she very-very strong?”
Genma snorted as if she said something funny. Ranma harrumphed cockily. Akane pouted.
“Oh,” Shantae caught the gist. “Are you really humans and not great monsters in human disguise?”
“Right.” Ranma smirked. “Many ask me that. Well, or just think it... While I am a hundred percent human. I just trained since I was two.”
“But you can't become so strong without— Wait! Human magic!” the half-Genie girl was suddenly desperate. “You know it, don't you....? Please, please tell me you can explain it to me in understandable words!” She almost splashed her tea out in her agitation.
“Human magic...?” Ranma was taken aback.
“Well... The part that remained when the Genie magic was taken from me,” Shantae explained. “My ability to whip my hair with supernatural force. Or this...” She took several items out of nowhere putting them in a row on the table: several different vials, a large leg of ham with bite marks on it and a massive copper bust of some stuffy man. “The ability to carry lots of heavy or fragile things as if they are always close, just within reach. I had been thinking from birth that these were part of my Genie side, but that disaster helped me see the truth. Risky Boots sucked out all my magic... but these abilities remained. I was puzzled, my friends were puzzled — even Uncle, and he knows lots of stuff. He suggested it was special human magic... But no one knows what it really is and how to train these abilities. At best there is some third-hand rubbish and—”
“Wait, wait,” Ranma tried calming her down. “These all are ki-based techniques. We, personally, specialize in other things, but there's a couple guys around who use basically the same things as you. For a determined person there are enough masters out there, ready to teach... How comes you never heard of ki-techniques?”
“Really?” Shantae was overjoyed. “Well, I have a strong suspicion I'm not from this world. Too many things are... different here.”
“You are...?” Ranma scratched his head. “Well, long story short, Mousse — he is Shampoo's suitor, a huge jerk, I should warn you — he carries several times his weight in weapons and chains. His entire style is launching various junk on chains from his sleeves. You never know what would come at you: a sword, a weight or a potty. Then there's Ryouga, a rare bastard—”
“Ryouga-kun is kind and caring inside!” Akane debated hotly.
“So, this caring guy,” Ranma continued, “uses an iron cloth technique. A common belt in his hands becomes a sword that can cut steel. And he uses his bandanas as throwing knives... Of course no one would just share their schools' secrets with you but if you keep hanging around you'll surely learn something useful!”
“Oooh, I'm definitely in heaven!” The dancer was smiling widely. “I shall check if I died at some point without noticing. And thank you very much! You wouldn't believe—”
“So what about the attack plan?” Nabiki returned them back to track interrupting the very satisfied Shantae.
“Uhh, maybe we should just talk to Happousai first?” the other girl suggested, mellowed from the joyous news. “To make sure we didn't just misunderstand him?”
“Yeah, that always helps,” Akane quipped.
“Well, there was that one time,” Shantae explained sheepishly, “when I stormed Hypno Baron's castle and beaten him only to find out he was innocent. Because <i>someone</i> completely misheard him while barely awake. He was just going to raise an advertising campaign, not take over the world. It was very awkward.”
“There ain't no such thing as innocent Happousai,” Ranma waved her concerns aside.
“We are lucky the dreaded Master doesn't yet know about the lamp's properties,” Genma added grimly. “He'd have already raised hell otherwise...”
“If you try calling upon his conscience,” Ranma warned, “it'll end with the old pervert deciding to cry in your bosom. And dislodging him will be...”
“Eww!” Shantae involuntarily covered herself with her hands. “A pervert?”
“His entire room is stuffed full of stolen womens' underwear,” Akane said. “He calls it his collection and regularly brings more by raiding the neighborhood. What a disgrace!” She glared at her father who averted his eyes. “Someday the neighbors would run out of patience to keep turning blind eye to this!”
“Why won't you throw him out?” Shantae was shocked. “Maybe this house isn't really yours?”
“It's theirs all right,” Ranma replied. “Akane's father's at least. But don't be fooled by their respectable postures.” He pointed at the fathers accusingly. “It's enough for Happi to growl and they start cowering right away. Useless middle-aged—”
“How could you talk with such disrespect about your father!” Genma shouted dramatically.
“Shut it, pops,” Ranma bit back. “You'd better show what you're made of when we will be distracting Happousai. Or is it all hot air, huh...?”
The elder Saotome didn't have a reply to that so he straightened his glasses with the look of insulted innocence.
“I think,” Nabiki resumed tactical planning, “that however we act, letting him get close to Shantae is a bad idea! As she is no stronger than Shampoo, during the battle she could only play bait. Because if he figures how to use the lamp...”
“He is that strong?” the mentioned girl asked. “All I saw him doing was running away while cackling nastily. Although while chasing him I ended up falling into the channel somehow. Ew.”
“He's that <i>dodgy</i>,” Ranma explained. “You simply have no chance hitting him. Forget you, <i>I</i> have no chance hitting him without resorting to trickery!”
“So I wouldn't be even able to help.” The pointy-eared girl sounded dismayed.
“Well, you could <i>probably</i> help,” Ranma corrected her with doubt in his voice, “by buying us time while you're trying to shake off an old, dirty pervert glomped onto you...”
Shantae made a cute face of utter disgust.
“That's why,” Ranma continued, “you let the false girl do it.” He poured a glass of water over himself causing the transformation into a busty redheaded girl which ate away some twenty centimeters off his height. “Me and pops will draw him away from his lair,” she continued, “while you sneak in and find the lamp.”
“A great plan, son!” Genma approved.
“Wha...? Huh...?” Shantae was staring at Ranma. “But you told me you were human...?”
“This is a souvenir from the Valley of Cursed Springs,” the redhead replied. “If I get splashed, I turn into an instant girl... I'm lucky it's not into a cat... So what you say? Will you search his lair? If you turn into a monkey again it would be even better!”
“Transformations are a part of who I am!” Shantae proclaimed proudly. “If I fancied to, I could transform back and forth for hours non-stop!” She began some new dance undulating her arms smoothly like rolling waves and smiling winsomely.
“That's cool!” Ranma approved involuntarily.
A silent flash!!
“Squeak!” proclaimed a bright cyan mouse in a golden tiara as violet sparks were fading around her. “Squeak, squeak, squeak!” She jumped up onto the table, then onto Ranma's shoulder where she made herself comfortable, looking pleased with herself.
“Great!” the redhead perked up. “The lesser the cance he'd sense your ki!”
“Squeak...?”
“It's a long story!” Ranma said impatiently. “Pops, make a campfire! We're kicking it up to eleven right off the bat! I'll grab some of his treasure and let's light it up!”
“Squeak?!” the mouse voiced her concern and doubt.
“Well... It's risky, all right, but if we light up like that, he will never ever be able to think of anything else, like the lamp!”
“You will be the demise of your father,” Genma grumbled but none the less went to the shed in search of something of little value to break for firewood.
Souun just sobbed pitifully, shuddering in anticipation of the Master's horrible wrath.
“I drop you beside the door,” Ranma was explaining to the mouse in whispers as she was gliding along the hallway so smoothly and soundlessly it felt like her steps were flowing. “Then barge in, grab a bunch of bras and flee. You sit quietly 'til he's out of sight, then enter.”
Sneaking up to the sliding doors of one particular room Ranma peeked through the crack. Gestured to the mouse: he's here. The rodent jumped down to press against the wall. The redhead threw the sliding doors open and barged in with a sugarily-perky “Hiiiii!” Half a second later she zipped out with a bunch of bras in each hand, rebounding off the walls like a ball. The shriveled gnome in brown was bounding after her, likewise rebounding off walls.
The mouse gulped nervously: he hadn't displayed even a fraction of such agility while fleeing from her! Glad her allies did have a clever plan against such a monster, she ran into the room. And froze, awed by the sight of uncounted treasures strewn around. If she needed one final proof that she wasn't in her world of birth anymore, then this was it. Brassieres are very expensive things manufactured by hand using ancient, half-forgotten arcana. Few can afford them. But here...! So much! Even Sultana herself couldn't probably possess so many. And nobody yet came knocking with torches ant pitchforks?
An incredibly rich world.
Shaking her head to break her ill-timed reverie, the radically blue mouse got to business.
Meanwhile outside, Nabiki said her famous phrase, widely quoted later, as she was backing away towards the gate: “Oni got an iron club... With turbo charger and laser homing!”
Because Happousai, dangerous like a wounded elephant after being offended to the depth of his soul, was now menacingly waving around a golden oil lamp. And everyone present had a very bad premonition as to <i>which</i> lamp it was.
“Traitors!” the grandpa sobbed over a smoldering pile of what was bras but moments ago. “Defilers...!” He took out a napkin to clean his nose loudly, then continued in a whiny voice: “But you won't get away with this...! Fools, you were plotting against me in a house with such thin walls!”
Ranma and Genma paled. Souun in the background fainted. Genma dashed to the side twisting a colorful kerchief around himself, fading rapidly from view. The redhead practically flattened herself along the ground in a desperate dash to get the old man.
Both catastrophically underestimated the potency of the artifact. It began sucking them in like a vacuum cleaner. Genma got dragged from ten meters away, falling out of his invisibility. There was a black flash, then Genma and male Ranma flopped onto the grass rolling up to Happousai's feet like rag-dolls. Something dark and shapeless was sucked into the lamp with a gargling sound of a clogged up kitchen sink. Then ominous silence fell.
Having failed to flee in time, Nabiki froze still, trying to merge with the fence wall. Akane was clenching her fists in helpless despair. Happousai was fuming silently, the pain of his loss still too fresh and raw. Ranma and Genma were twitching weakly.
“You... You are unworthy of this body, Ranma!” Happousai growled kicking at the guy writhing in agony. “But your days of fooling me are over! Nooo, it's time for you to know your place!”
“Fat... Chance...” Ranma croaked trying to stand up on shaky legs. “Pops... Hey, pops...!”
The elder Saotome froze pretending to be a carcass.
“Che!” the younger snorted derisively trying to take a combat stance.
“Enough!” Happousai shouted shaking the lamp above his head. “Come forth, my minions! Teach these ungrateful insects the depth of their errors!”
The dark cloud billowing out of the lamp solidified into a faintly glowing girl, her wavy hair down, and a... panda. If pandas live in hell, then after gorging on black spiky bamboo growing out of magma pools they look like this. The girl's eyes were glowing uniform blue, with no hints of irises. The hell-panda's eyes were crimson slits, barely visible behind the folds of its carnivorous sneer.
“Hey, hey, hey, are you kidding me?” Ranma exclaimed as he began shifting to the right. He was recovering rapidly but was still far from his best.
Happousai began laughing evilly as he lit his pipe.
The nega-panda pounced, bristling with spikes, baring huge fangs. Its half-meter claws slashed a crimson cut through the air, parting the earth like sliced cake. No longer playing possum, Genma deflected the second paw strike by hitting it closer to the elbow.
“Mokou Takabisha!”
Ranma's yellow charge of confidence hit the beast in the side of its head, distracting it. Genma shown that he began fighting seriously by launching a flying crescent of some ki-technique unfamiliar to Ranma. It cut the monster, smoky darkness splashing out of the wound. The hell-panda roared.
`Pops, you sneaky scoundrel,` Ranma thought fleetingly. `Hiding such an ace in your sleeve! Hav'ta shake it out of you later.`
A second later he didn't have time to think any more: the girl attacked and he had to work hard dodging or deflecting her blows. Discounting the eldritch glowing eyes and a detached smile, this opponent was his perfect reflection: all swift, unpredictable strikes, feints and dirty tricks. The outside look at his own style was... irritating.
And there was no end to it. The girl turned out to be weaker, as expected, but Ranma still haven't recovered from his magical half being sucked out. Pops was fighting for his very life, right next to him, but he couldn't even spare a glance!
Thus Ranma accepted a kettle sailing through the air as a gift from heavens. He managed to maneuver his opponent into intersecting with its trajectory without giving it away with facial expressions, which proved to be the hardest part.
But he did it. The kettle hit the girl in the head splashing hot water around.
“You scuuum!” the girl screamed in voice so terrifying it made even Ranma flinch back. “I will destroy you!!!” Her glowing eyes darkened turning dark red. Was she allergic to hot water? Not surprising.
Akane, who had threw the kettle, froze like a deer in headlights.
The evil magical twin dashed to fulfill her promise, her hair waving in ethereal wind, seeping aura of crimson glow.
Ranma dashed to stop her, with horrifying realization she wasn't kidding at all.
The guy's legs were longer so he was running a bit faster. It was barely enough, only to make one hit in the back. The cringing Akane took a crooked, stiff defensive stance full of holes. It won't help her, Ranma realized in horror as he saw what the magical twin was going to do from the motions of her back. She'll kill her. In one hit.
Time ran out. Ranma struck with all his might, not holding back. He was aiming to disrupt her attack, but something in the nega-girl snapped loudly and she went limp, her aura guttering out.
Ranma came to a screeching halt, his face inches from Akane's. Their eyes met, wide from panic. A limp body flopped down bonelessly at their feet.
They had several moments to grow horrified. Then the body began melting, decomposing into black jello, starting from the parts hit with hot water.
“How... How could you!” Happousai grit out, sobbing. “My... My poor... You won't get away with this!!!”
Ranma prepared to cover Akane.
“Happou Dai Karin!!!”
He deflected the first firecracker. And the next one too. But there were many, many more. Ranma and Akane were swept away in a thundering wave of explosions.
Nabiki shuddered making the hellish panda-beast notice her.
“You are but animal!” Genma growled shashing at its exposed side with a ki blade when the beast tried going around him to attack the defenseless Tendou girl. “Your reflexes are good! Your instincts are good! But you... are... mindless!” And he attacked, weaving several layers of feints into a complex zig-zag that culminated in the beast over-extending. Genma rolled under its belly crippling the left paw with a ki blade to the armpit.
The beast roared trying to turn around after him.
`It's all right,` Nabiki was repeating in her head like a mantra as she observed the beast's spiky rump from barely four meters away. `Everything is all right.` Anything to suppress the realization that Genma wouldn't make it if the beast so decides to take a second to pay attention to her, with her utter inability to jump over the fence. `The only one here ready to kill is the cave megabear. Genma will finish this hulk off soon and will be left alone against Happousai. It would be defeat, but Happousai still has no intention of killing anyone... Mommy, I don't want to die...`
Then she noticed a purple monkey frozen on the edge of the roof, watching the combat intently. `Please, oh please, don't be a hero!` Nabiki prayed silently while her imagination was painting horrifying pictures of what horrors an evil Genie would be able to inflict. The hell-panda couldn't even compare.
Then things got even worse. Because there was a rapidly enraging Ryouga standing over Akane's listless carcass.
“What have you done to Akane-san, you bastard!!! You won't get away with this!!! Shishiii... Hokoooou...”
`We are done for,` Nabiki thought feeling her legs fail her. Genma was still tied up fighting: the hell beast was roaring, bleeding smoky darkness profusely, slowing down, but was just refusing to die.
“Stop! Stop, P-chan! Stop, you moron!!!” Ranma hollered trying to get up.
“DAAAAN!!!” Ryouga finished launching an almighty ball of swamp-green depression at Happousai.
Happousai confidently held the lamp in front of him.
The lamp had no slightest effect on the slow ki-blast. But it began sucking Ryouga in. He caught up with his own ki blast right as the curse was starting to separate. The dark vaguely pig-shaped cloud mixed with the green glowing orb of negative energy producing an anemic detonation that only threw Happousai about ten meters back into another section of the yard. Then this billowing mess of black and green was sucked into the lamp with a gargling sound.
“Ryouga, you misborn retard!” growled the battered Ranma as he limped up to the downed guy to kick him slightly in the ribs. “Do you realize what have you done? He'll sick P-chan on us now!”
“P-chan?” Akane chose a <i>perfect</i> moment to wake up.
“Uhh, no time!” Ranma tried to dodge the question. Happousai was raising the lamp so he blurted out the first thing that came to his mind: “Ask Nabiki, she'll explain everything!”
And in doing so he unknowingly helped the middle Tendou restore her equilibrium. Profit! Also, a chance to weave a spider-web of deceptions! Ooh, the possibilities! And losers to scam! Ooh, the poor sods!
“Get'em!!!” Happousai barked, releasing... Only a boar the size of horse? It was glowing slightly, yes, but tthat was it.
Ranma even felt a slight disappointment.
Ryouga snorted derisively, he was stumbling on shaky legs but his umbrella was already held firmly in his hand. He had no idea how the old lecher managed to pull the curse out of him, but he was not going to let the thing live! Finally! Hhe was going to be free of the pig!!!
“Ryouga-kun, don't kill P-chan!” Akane begged. “Please! I know you don't like him, but...”
Ryouga turned araound. The love of his life was standing there, holding at the wall. All soothy, her clothes torn and ragged, with more bruises than skin. But her only eye not swollen shut was glistening with determination.
He couldn't refuse. He just knocked the boar out with a hit to the snout that sent the hulk flying. The carp population did not fare well, splashed out onto the lawn with most of the pond's water.
The hell-panda let out a last, dying roar, still trying awkwardly to slash with its crippled paw even as it was unraveling.
Genma let out a breath. He was winded, but intact. And very, very pissed.
Happousai scowled, still incredibly dangerous. Even against three of the strongest martial artists. Ranma and Ryouga tensed preparing to flank him. After what he did they simply forgot their rivalry, ready to pair up with the devil himself just to bring the old freak down. They were not going to be gentle.
“Happou Dai Karin!” he made the first move as if he read their minds. Both guys froze trying to assess the best way to dodge. The problem with these firecrackers was in unpredictable fuses. Each one could hit, then fall down, then explode under your feet. Or explode in your face just as you were about to bat it away.
The purple monkey sailing to intercept the bombs caused Ryouga frown in confusion and everyone else cry out in despair. What was the fool thinking, with her weak combat skills! They almost made it without her! Now enter an evil genie and they are done for!
The monkey turned back into Shantae who shouted “Mirror!” a fraction of a second before the first firecracker hit her...
The bomb rebounded off a flickering bubble that sprang into existence around the girl, returned back to sender. Then the next one. Happousai was already holding the lamp out, already sucking her in, but it only made his situation worse: being attracted rapidly, Shantae just bounced the remaining bombs all at once with her bubble sending them right at Happousai at triple the speed.
He wasn't ready for that. He simply vanished in a barrage of flashy explosions.
The lamp tumbled out of the smoke cloud to plop onto the grass. Shantae landed flexibly, ran up to it quickly and grabbed the dangerous artifact by the handle.
“I haven't forgotten your words, Genma,” she adressed the senior martial artist with a smile. “I don't have that many, as you call them, `surpsrises`, but this one only had to work once.”
Then she began vacuuming the yard with the lamp, walking back and forth and sucking the gross magical residue in, from black jello to dark, heavy smoke littering the torn up lawn.
“I'm free of the curse now, right?” Ranma cautiously asked as he was stretching tentatively: he was beaten up good, but had survived much worse on his feet. “I don't have to turn into a girl when it rains, right?”
“Mmm... Nope,” Shantae replied confidently as she surveyed the yard checking for missed spots. “Magic... In short, you cannot destroy it, only scatter it. If this curse is a part of you, it will surely return sooner or later.”
“But it's sucked in there, right?” The pigtailed martial artist wasn't giving up. “If we simply leave it in the lamp—”
“Magic is part of the world,” the dancer replied with finality. “Leaving it locked in the lamp... well, it's wrong. Besides,” She turned to face Ranma with a serious look. He gulped: she was a very attractive girl barely covered above the waist. “The lamp is full of dark magic now. We'd better try releasing it while transforming it into light magic. If that doesn't work, suck it back in and try again. I'm... not entirely sure how I did it the last time. We threw the lamp into the sea. Too hastily, as it turns out.”
“Wwooont-t geet a-away with thiis!” a barely alive Happousai howled like a vengeful ghost making everyone present start or jump. His eyes were glowing ominously white. “Happou Dai...”
“Mirror!” Shantae raised her bubble.
“DASH!!!” Happousai finished with a devilish smile as he rushed to attack her in melee, swift like greased lighting.
“Invincibility!” Shantae made it in the nick of time.
Aaand... Happousai flew right through her as if she was a ghost. The changed bubble was flickering with licks of silver light. Then it burst.
Happousai rebounded off Genma who was trying to stop him and was approaching Shantae who barely had time to turn around. She let out a startled squeak as she brought the lamp in front of her.
“Are?” Happousai exclaimed with surprised pout.
Then he was sucked into the lamp completely, in his entirety.
“I <i>toldja</i> he is not human!” Ranma summed it up. “I totally did!”
=========================================================
Mellowed "he broke the incarnated curse's spine" out to
Time ran out. Ranma struck with all his might, not holding back. He was aiming to disrupt her attack, but something in the nega-girl snapped loudly and she went limp, her aura guttering out.
Ranma came to a screeching halt, his face inches from Akane's. Their eyes met, wide from panic. A limp body flopped down bonelessly at their feet.
They had several moments to grow horrified. Then the body began melting, decomposing into black jello, starting from the parts hit with hot water.
%Russian/%English:
Ch. 1 at 100/95
Ch. 2 at 100/95
Ch. 3 at 100/0
Ch. 4 at 100/0
Ch. 5 at 30/0
Ch. 6 at 50/0
Ch. 8 at 0/40 - paused until I can play through the upcoming Pirate Queen DLC
P.S. I caught about 8 or so places where I wrote "happousai" without capitalizing. Either I don't perceive him as a person, or this is the result of me binding hair whip to the left Shift (now trying to beat the Hardcore Mode... the horror!) and I'll need a new keyboard soon.
That's why. 
Nothing could go wrong!
