Temple of Ranma's Sailor Senshi Seifuku

Ok. I followed some of the comments people made from "Sins of a mother" Fic I did earlier. This story is about Ranma and Ryoga as a couple. I know I was told that pairing is not very
famous for on this site, but I can't alter the two characters a love to write about, they are my main focus on every story. Now, I reduced my writing from 10k words to 5k. I was told that my "Wall of words" made the story boring and unappealing. I tried to concentrate more on certain points and didn't expand the description of them through several paragraphs.
I try to make them easy to read and smaller by hoping for the readers to understand who is talking during the conversations. Hope this chapter can help you visualize my mistakes and can help me write better. thank you.

Kindred Spirits.
Chapter 1

Happiest of days were the thoughts of many young teenagers in a small part of Japan. The area belonged to Tokyo, but like many other conglomerate zones, this one had its own district and official name. Thus, Nerima city inside Furinkan district is the place this is story will focus on.

Like I said at the start of this tale, the emotional levels from the students raised a new high thanks to an upcoming activity the nation had never seen before. It was a celebration at the end of an era, and although there weren’t many ceremonies like this one in Japan, the special occasion marked the start of a beautiful romance no one had ever foreseen.

“Can you believe it?. . .I was asked to the prom by several guys!” Announced emotively one of the girls who attended with Akane Tendo. The youngest Tendo sister had received several invitations as well, but neither Hikaro Gosunkugi nor Tatewaki Kuno were even close to her tastes in partners after such distinguished celebration meant a one in a lifetime opportunity.

It all started when two exchange students from America attended the junior years in Furinkan, the first year actually. Both described the need to go back before the end of their visit all because of a dance nationwide known as a “prom”. When the students here asked why the rush, that’s when they spoke about that special occasion where sweethearts, old friends from childhood and even secret admirers get to become not only a couple, but solidify their relationship into a blessed matrimony on later years.

Afterwards, gossip and several discussions over the different clubs at school prompted a revolution of sorts where teachers and school officials decided to test drive that idea for the first time in the country. Director Kuno fumed in anger by such an unimportant activity, but the higher-ups were determined to use his school this time only for a controlled experiment.

“Too bad all those invitations are going to waste since Ranma is the only one governing your life Akane. . .” Said Yuka, one of her closest friends and protector of the raven haired girl’s best interests. Akane sighed defeated, knowing that was a sure thing not because of what Ranma or she wanted, but because their fathers had arranged their union long ago despite their choice.

“I don’t know Yu-chan, I usually go through the motions but today I feel. . .Empty, specially when people talk about Ranma and me as something we‘re not. . .” Said the teen a bit disappointed by last year’s crumbling wedding. As she remembered correctly, pastry and food arrangements flew everywhere during the ceremony that was supposed to be the best day of her life. Then, Akane managed to see their rivals fighting among each other while ignoring the most important moment she had whether she wanted it or not.

That’s when the typical show appeared before her eyes. Those lively brown orbs fell half open by the obvious scene those three displayed as usual. A mangled pigtailed boy stood supposedly trapped in the middle of two girls fighting for the boy. Ukyo and Shampoo pulling angrily each other from an arm as Akane battled with the idea to stop all this or just let it play like she always does.

That scene not only popped in her head after the conversation she had among friends, but as if it was magic, the same picture appeared before Akane’s eyes only this time played in the here and now. Those same girls fighting over the same idiotic boy stood on either side pulling and demanding the same tired ownership over the pigtailed teen. “No!. . .Spatula girl wrong. Airen is taking me to date. . .” Argued with a broken language the teen with purple hair.

“You are wrong Shampoo! Ran-chan invited me to my own prom and no one. . .Not even you will pry him from me this time. . .” Argued back the chef. In the middle of the fight though, a tense boy with his eyes close, his teeth clenched and a vein threatening to pop decided this should stop at once before it could get out of hand.

That’s the cue his mind found terrible to act upon when his luck threw him not only against the girls, but a fuming Akane with her bangs hiding her face and her clenched teeth announcing Mr. Mallet was coming his way. “Ranma!. . .” Was the daily ritualistic howl of desperation and unfairness the pigtailed teen came to live with every time these three girls were together.

“A-Akane, this is not what it looks like!” Replied the boy rather innocently, but he knew there was no positive effect from doing such apologizing call. The girl would come his way with stomping steps, raising her trusty mallet which would roar across the street with unstoppable force, and finally punching the human projectile aim far into the sky with no remorse on her part. . .And just as before, his theory didn’t disappoint.

There he went across the heavens. the so called good looking guy who inherited three girls on his shoulders and the boy who managed to see those same girls leaving the streets of Nerima peacefully behind began to wonder one thing. Was it punching him into the sky the only way they had to stop their squabbles and make everything right?.

The pensive boy had no time to ponder on such meaningless question as he passed block after block filled with houses and apartments, and although this trajectory would kill a regular man any day, the teen ready to resist the impact reached a place he never expected to land in his mind. There he was, the only other boy capable to equal Ranma on the battlefield seemed to be finishing installing his old tent right besides the canal. Ryoga Hibiki enjoyed most afternoons on places he was unable to recognize, let alone being able to identify the areas as possible places he had been before.

The fanged boy set his tent just a few feet into the wilderness Nerima came to know as the park next to the main water sewage, and as he accepted that area as rural and deserted, no sign of humans around gave him the peace of mind that no one could bother him here. Too bad he was so wrong this time again.

Crash!. . .Came the sound of something hitting his tent and ripping the thick cloth from its roof as that same object made his way out of nowhere. “What the!. . .” Said the fanged teen, unzipping the opening cover and finding the only pest he swore never to see ever again sprawled disgracefully across the ripped tent.

“Ranma!?. . .” The pigtailed boy appeared from within a mountain of clothes and bedspreads ready to be used tonight, somewhat dizzy from the crash and falling unconscious after a second or two. “Man. . .I must be in Nerima if this idiot is raining from the sky.”

The boy shook his head defeated, setting the Saotome heir on the bed while he prepared dinner and fixed the new ventilation system on the roof. He had a lot of things in his mind as of late, leaving any ill tempted desire to harm Ranma behind.

His girl Akari, or at least that’s how most people saw them, happened to like the pig in him the most, remembered bitterly the boy. She always gave more precedent to his curse every time he would appear near the ranch and as the girl made him all sorts of porcine paraphernalia to wear, that detail made Ryoga run away from her crazed ideas of ownership. And so, after traversing the land all on his own a month ago, a lonely boy managed to find Nerima only to be slapped on the face with an envelope given by Kasumi. . .The nicest of girls he has ever met.

The letter was a simple statement summoning him to Furinkan high school where he was admitted for a whole week, thanks to Soun Tendo and his full time tutor, Akane Tendo. That happened nearly two years ago, and after Kasumi led him towards the principal’s office with the goal to respond at the request, Director Kuno was forced to apply the same rules he did to the rest of the alumni only in a new fashion.

The lost boy was obligated to sign documents who made him an official student in that school, and as such, the teen was left with an ultimatum. . .He had three months to present every exam missed during his absence. It was a daunting task for sure, but what no one knew was how hard the boy studied on the road, giving him the advantage to be somewhat prepared for the finals.

As the teen set two bowls with steamy noodle soup in the center of the tent Ranma began to come back to reality, blinking several times as he looked at his surroundings, unaware of what he had done. “Your crashed in my tent Ranma, here. . .” Said the fanged teen as he handed him his bowl of food without turning around or attending him politely.

Ranma saw him with weird eyes, wondering where was the dry attitude and demanding banter he always used to start their regular fights, but Ryoga seemed busy with a stack of books on either side of himself and a lamp directed exactly on top of the book he was reading. “Hey. . .W-What ‘cha doin’ man?” Asked Ranma still fogged by the mallet induced punch and his abrupt landing.

“Never mind what I’m doing man. . Eat and get off my face. I’m sure Akane-san kicked you for a good reason and I have no time to deal with the likes of you. . .” Replied disinterested by his opponent’s antics. Ranma shrugged at first by his reaction, but when he saw that strange envelop clearly seen among the clothes, the pigtailed boy took it, reading and gasping at the crazy idea.

“You!?. . .You are expected ta present all tests in one sittin’ within only three months from now?. . .Heck!. . .It took me a lot of effort ta barely pass each one at the time. Face it man. . .There ain’t no way you can do that an’ finish high school this year.” Said the pigtailed boy smugly. Ryoga took a deep breath trying to block the boy off his mind after his advice meant no help whatsoever for his problems.

After some success the fanged boy took the envelope forcibly from his hand, pointing at the bowl between the teens and then to the tent’s entrance. “Eat and let me be Ranma.” It was clear and direct alright, fact that made Ranma question why was he so hard on him. When Ranma asked with a simple glance the reason, Ryoga’s mind reeled back a few months ago right after he left Nerima supposedly for good. That’s when he remembered his clear and definitive defeat by his ex-friend’s hands.

“Last time we met you married Akane. I have no idea nor I care what happened next, but this is my personal fight and I don’t want you near me. . .” The warning felt too harsh this time for the teen to just let go from the conversation. Ranma simply grabbed the delicious looking bowl, drank it in one gulp and left the tent at his own pace, angry when Ryoga didn‘t give him a chance to explain there was no wedding at all.

“Whatever man. . .You know I didn’ marry that tomboy, an’ thanks ta the other two, I don’ think I ever will. . .” Said lastly before stomping out of the tent, or at least that‘s what he wanted to do. The lost boy blinked several times puzzled after hearing that, prompting him to stare at that book hidden close by and feeling bad for treating his only real friend with the tip of his shoe.

Barroom!. . .Roared the darkened sky above the tent. Ranma wondered if his curse had some type of effect so strong, entire black clouds and heavy rain were attracted by it. When Ryoga remorsefully peeked from a tiny hole made by unzipping the tent there she was. . .A drenched up redheaded girl mumbling incoherently in the middle of the pouring rain.

With a roll of his eyes and the sad look Ranma had the fanged boy unzipped the rest of the tent, asking just as dryly to come in carefully. The girl did as told, stepping lightly over several pieces of newspapers inside the tent’s floor and sitting opposite from Ryoga.

“Alright, take everything off Ranma before you get sick. Let me see if I can. . .” But nothing else could be said when both teens saw the flint and several matches drowning right outside the camp. The wet tracks stamped all over the walls led Ryoga from the entrance and towards the redhead who carelessly shook vigorously in place, shedding all water from her hair and arms, and leaving a mess around while kicking the precious fire making items into the rain.

When Ranma saw a print from her naked feet stamped where the matches and the flint were neatly kept, the girl pouted into the most innocent smiles Ryoga had ever seen. That infuriated him even more which he clearly showed with a smack on her head.

“Damn it man!. It was an accident!!” Chided angrily the girl without leaving that cute pout from her face. “Whatever. Undress and stay behind me until you dry off, I’ll see if there’s something of mine that can fit you.” Ranma followed his orders this time, getting out of the wet shirt, pants and underwear while staying out of his view.

The lost boy could feel Ranma shivering a second later, that’s when he took his gas powered lamp, raised its heat level and passed it behind him where the girl felt the warmth immediately. “T-T-Thanks man. T-T-This is m-much better. S-Say. . .C-Could I-I have some more of t-that s-soup?” Asked the girl with chattering teeth.

Fortunately Ryoga never finished the meal after being absorbed with homework. The boy pulled the pot sill warm from the mat, passing it again to the redhead without looking. “You know Ryoga buddy. You have seen me naked so many times it ain’t funny, an’ still you get embarrassed by lookin’ at me like this?”

The fanged boy agreed with that remark one hundred percent, but there was something new in his mind that began to cloud his judgment not to mention the upcoming test becoming his greatest challenge ever. “You know you are my rival whether Akane is married to you or not Ranma. To me, you are a pest no matter the shape, but if you’re not going to act decent, then it’s my job to treat you decently.”

A minute later the boy went back to his studies, interrupted only when a loud slurping sound would break his concentration. The worst part came next when a snickering Ranma decided to mess with her best and possibly only real friend in this town just for kicks.

The girl kept pulling from his shirt, asking him for more food but knowing he always kept sweet bread in a tiny bag a few inches on his right. Ranma knew a distracted pig boy would let her get away with anything, and so her brain began to mess with the one thing Ryoga hated the most, Her physical body. The redhead’s blue eyes sparkled for a second, giving the green light to go ahead with the plan.

“Ok, if your so busy with those stupid books might as well go an’ get that bread myself.” As she said this, Ranma stood on her knees, crawled in front of the studying boy, and reached for that gray bag filled with sweet goodies.

It was a normal thing for her to sprawl and stretch around him with no decency at all, but Ryoga began to bare his own teeth in ire when her breasts started to flop right in front of him. His hand flew against his eyes and as a loud slap sealed his vision away, Ryoga mumbled angrily for the girl to move back behind. “R-Ranma!. . .You are naked, remember?”

“What of it?. Is not like you haven’ seen me nude man.” Declared nonchalantly the girl. It was a precarious situation for the boy mostly, specially when his open book rested on his crossed legs, and Ranma’s chest dangled directly on top of the book, giving the boy a nice appreciation from her physical attributes when the pressure from her assets gave him all the wrong thoughts.

“Damn it Ranma!. Y-Your chest is falling freely on top of me. . .Do you have any idea what kind of damage that image can do to a single guy like. . .L-Like me!?” Said the teen lastly just as his nose began to drip blood against his will.

Of course Ryoga darted away from the compromising pose, running at the other side of the tent and cleaning his face without opening his eyes while the redheaded misfit laughed out loud. Sweet syrupy tones and pouting faces the boy refused to look at were all the excuse Ranma used to tell him how much she enjoyed his prudish innocence.

“I should kill you for this you idiot.” Said Ryoga exasperated. Thankfully the loud rain hitting the tent muffled his screams and her snickering laughs. When Ranma half apologized for her demeanor, the next few seconds became excruciatingly slow for the fanged teen after the girl decided to keep the joke on.

“Are you sure you’re decent Ranma?” Asked Ryoga a third time. When the girl reassured him she was covered, the fanged teen peeked indirectly at her feet, tired to be caught watching at her ample chest two times in a row. When Ranma found his shy stares too funny to let go, the redhead jumped on him, pushing his shoulders against the floor and ending up on top of him while her assets dangled precisely an inch from his open eyes.

It was a surreal feeling for both. Ryoga could do nothing but be mesmerized by the anatomic part he had never actually seen in a woman before while Ranma showed a rebellious nature she so desperately needed to let out after the latest fights with Akane and the others drove her insane.

This was just steam highly compressed in the redheaded teen’s head for so long to release, but when the fanged boy peeled his eyes from such majestic view, his honey hued orbs darted towards her own blue ones, scaring her deeply for some strange reason. Both jumped to each side from the tent, one looking at the ground ashamed while the girl covered immediately with the mat where the pot resided.

The tiny square made of lead and fabric didn’t do much to cover anything though, and as the boy saw her nervous glances at her sudden nakedness, Ryoga dug into the pile of clothes, offering at the girl the only shirt he had clean for the day.

“What the hell was that!. I was in control an’ all this was just for fun, then why did I feel so ashamed an’ weird ta be naked in front of him?” Berated the girl internally at the same time she dressed into the shirt anyway. When Ryoga looked up after she said everything was ok, his nose began to slowly bleed again without his consent.

That made Ranma blush intensely. She bent her knees and left her feet to the side like one of those sexy poses models do on a calendar, but as she inspected her sitting position, the green shirt barely covering her slender legs made both teens recognize that old scene where a woman in love sleeps with her man and in the next morning she walks all over the house dressed with nothing but his long shirt.

“I-I guess it looks like you an’ I.” Stuttered Ranma before pausing for a moment, mostly caught by her own appalling thought to be his girl waking up dressed like that. “Y-You an’ I, um.” She didn’t dare to say another word, specially when the lost boy kept staring at her terrified.

“You know what?. I think I should go buddy.” Said the girl next trying to diffuse the situation. Ryoga realized an irrational fear betrayed his mind and thoughts, and as the rain wouldn’t give up outside, the boy cleared loudly his throat, dismissing everything like a joke when he began to laugh uncontrollably.

“I-I can’t believe you fell for it Ranma. Ha, ha, ha!. You should have seen your face!. It was priceless.” Kept pushing the boy as he shoved the girl to the side and went back to his books like if it meant nothing what happened not ten minutes ago.

Ranma squinted an eye first, doubtful from his intention to make things lighter, but the redhead preferred to leave it be, following instead his performance and laughing with him. “You sure got me man!, OH, oh, oh!”

Ryoga cleared some fake tears from his eyes, set the books on top of his crossed legs and restarted with the studying session as he passed the bag with sweets towards the girl. “Here. Have some and save me at least the ones covered in honey, I really love those.”

Ranma began to separate the sweet bread pieces, watching with interest the different topics Ryoga read while she slowly let that strange heat go away from her flustered face and numbing chest. “S-So. You’re on biology right now?” Asked the redhead more seriously.

After the weird moment finally passed for the both of them, Ranma took a book from his hands, sitting exactly in front of him and asking him the several hundred questions expecting the right answer from the boy.

The sound from the rain began to die down as the night hours advanced without a care in the world. By four in the morning the redhead could barely keep her eyes open while the boy carefully lift her bridal style, set her on his own bed and tucked each side from head to toe.

“Have a nice night you stupid idiot. Hopefully tomorrow should be clear of any cloud and you can become the same jerk I got to like.” Ryoga then left her snore at her leisure, twirling in place around next and pulling a book filled with photos and newspaper clippings.

“D-Damn. I can’t believe I’m doing this.” Reprimanded Ryoga when the photo album had nothing but pictures of Ranma in different positions, clippings from heroic fights he had won publicly and writings he had done on the spur of the moment.

After he made sure Ranma wouldn’t spy on him, the boy fixed all that incriminating evidence into a metallic box the precise size of a book, closing it up with a combination lock and biting his lower lip in remorse.

A last glance towards the girl left only a secretive sigh he hoped Ranma could never be able to hear out. When he made sure she was sound asleep, that flat metallic box went directly into the deepest bowels of his backpack, left there with the only objective to be pulled only by him alone.

“Ok, I have three months left and I’m half way there. This should be interesting.” Chided one last time Ryoga before jumping back on his studies. From the other side of the tent though a girl peeked one eye open, she wondered about that book and its meaning, but the redhead kept meditating mostly about that fleeting emotion controlling her chest against her will and hopefully understand its meaning before it could happen again.

When morning called the chirping sounds from the local birds, the lost boy brushed his teeth outside the camp. Ranma blinked blindly by the sun entering the gap from the tent and peeked towards the fire heating a kettle besides the tent.

With loud sounds the girl outstretched her arms, walking a second later outside and scratching her back after the nice night she slept in. “Morning Ryoga. By the way, where did you sleep man?” Asked the girl trying to make conversation, but the same effect from last night made the boy spit the toothpaste out while a tremendous blush ran across his nose, and his eyes nervously looked to the side.

“Um. . .” Mumbled incoherently Ryoga which led Ranma to look down on herself and see the cute pose she had with his shirt still covering her legs in such sensuous manner. The redhead immediately felt that heating effect rising on her face and arms, prompting Ranma to run into the tent in search of her clothes.

Once again the girl walked out of the small camp all dressed in her regular attire, stretching for the kettle and pouring a little bit over her head. “Yes!, this feels better.” Announced glad the pigtailed boy. What happened next changed the perspective both teenagers saw at each other despite both being the manliest fighters on the land.

For some unfathomable reason that heat kept growing on the both of them. Ryoga had trouble looking him on the eye while the Saotome heir found too hard to be close to his friend. “I-I think I should go. Thanks for the grub an’ the, um, bed time.” Mused Ranma nervously. Ryoga simply raised a hand and waved while turning around and heading for his books without crossing sights with him. After a minute both teens were far away from each other, giving them a mutual sigh of relief they needed so much after the rare encounter in that tent last night.

When Ranma arrived home, his welcoming surprise was one experience he was yet to understand this far. “Morning m’boy!, where have you been all this time?” Asked Genma with a big smile after walking from the kitchen with what it looked like his breakfast.

“Hey!, ain’ that my plate?” Demanded the boy just in time to start chasing his old man towards the garden. The same dance made the boy follow his father until the man would swallow both sweetbreads and jumping on the pond, leaving behind a Panda faking innocent looks.

Ranma found no reason to fight a loosing battle, giving him the chance to walk into the house and see if Akane was still angry from yesterday. When he peeked in everything seemed normal enough. Usually the girl would yell and warn him about being late for school, but ever since spring break was here, no school days were schedule to assist during the next three moths.

“A-Akane!. . .Is everything ok?” Asked loudly the boy. “I’m sorry Ranma-kun. Akane-chan left early for a meeting with friends, but don’t worry. She should be back by noon.” It was Kasumi who cleaned the kitchen after breakfast, and readied herself for laundry.

“By the way Ranma-kun. Your father took your plate to the living room while I mop around the house, I‘m sure he will be nice enough to share with you.” Ranma just rolled his eyes by the news, wondering why the girl paused instead of going back to work.

“One last thing!. Akane-chan is going to be busy this few months. I think you two should talk about “the job”. . .” That interested him the most. Ranma heard a few days ago how Akane wanted to use her time better during this break, but this was the first time he knew of a possible job she could obtain on her own.

“Gee, I better go an’ see what’s that tomboy planning’ ta do now.” The pigtailed fighter skipped the house’s walls next, walking towards the center of town where most likely than not Akane would be talking in that meeting.

o-o-o-o-o-o-

In the ice cream parlor by the school, three girls decided the fate a certain pigtailed teen would suffer by their hands after years fighting for the same goal forced them to find a common ground between alliances. Akane Tendo sat on one side from the booth while Shampoo and Ukyo sat reservedly on the other side.

“Did it work like we planned it so far?” Asked the chef at the girl who delivered the final touch during their scuffle.

Akane and the other two had being dealing with this nuisance almost three years in a row, and now that a famous celebration like a prom could make one girl the winner, all three opted to pool their talents to make that decision permanent.

“It worked at some extent, but when we went our separate ways, I wasn’t able to find him anywhere. Then the rain forced me to go back home, but he never stepped back into his room. Said Akane tiredly. The other girls doubted her at first, but since they worked so hard to attain this alliance, they believed it would be so foolish trying to keep them out of the loop all on her own.

“Yea, I tried to run after the trajectory he flew in, but I stopped by the river where the bridge is. That’s where I lost sight of him.” Said Ukyo next, unable to keep on with the punishment.

Lastly Shampoo was the thirst voice asking one question the other two meditated about before. “You sure Airen can take beating?. . .Shampoo wants Airen, but I no want dead Ranma.”

Both Akane and Ukyo realized this plan had its own severe risks, but after analyzing the path Ranma’s vacillating choices left them, the girls knew they had to push him into choosing a girl.

“I know is hard the way we’ve been treating him Shampoo, but Ranma has been fighting over this and he always falls into a stalemate.” Said the raven haired teen tired of the same repetitive chaos. “I don’t want to suffer another possible wedding where either you or anyone else could come and ruin it for me.”

Ukyo agreed as well that even though pushing Ranma into making a final choice was a terrible thing to do, leaving it to the pigtailed teen’s freedom to choose had left nothing but heartaches for the rest. “Then we still keep pushing him from all sides until he budges. My only concern though is that my job will take me off the game every morning now that spring break means more income.”

Shampoo was forced to admit her great grand-mother had the same deal for her in the Neko-hanten. When both waitresses turned to see Akane as the only jobless in the team, the girl deflated when she explained about a new job occupying her mornings as well.

“Then, it’s settled. We get to push Ranma until he can make the last choice, but we do it at the same time and when we are free from our responsibilities.” All three agreed with the plan, leaving the Parlor a minute later with the goal to search a boy and make his life a living hell while he arrived in search of them.

“I can’ seem ta find ’em anywhere. I wonder where can Akane be?” Wondered Ranma without realizing the world of hurt coming his way.


Well that's pretty much my first draft. I already have another chapter coming this week, I'll post it soon.

Please let me know how bad I did, thanks again.

HibikiRed wrote:“I don’t know Yu-chan, I usually go through the motions but today I feel. . .Empty, specially when people talk about Ranma and me as something we‘re not. . .” Said the teen a bit disappointed by last year’s crumbling wedding. As she remembered correctly, pastry and food arrangements flew everywhere during the ceremony that was supposed to be the best day of her life. Then, Akane managed to see their rivals fighting among each other while ignoring the most important moment she had whether she wanted it or not.

Two things

First, Akane calling her friend Yu-chan would be considered childish, much in the same way that Ranma/Ukyo doing it is. It shows immaturity far more than them being close.

Second, why advance a year and yet make the wedding a huge event? Comparatively it's a small blip on the list of events that happen in Ranma 1/2 that only gets so much attention because it's the last chapters. If you want it to have some kind of emotional impact then move it to be much closer. Weeks or even a month or two at most.

That’s when the typical show appeared before her eyes. Those lively brown orbs fell half open by the obvious scene those three displayed as usual. A mangled pigtailed boy stood supposedly trapped in the middle of two girls fighting for the boy. Ukyo and Shampoo pulling angrily each other from an arm as Akane battled with the idea to stop all this or just let it play like she always does.

That scene not only popped in her head after the conversation she had among friends, but as if it was magic, the same picture appeared before Akane’s eyes only this time played in the here and now. Those same girls fighting over the same idiotic boy stood on either side pulling and demanding the same tired ownership over the pigtailed teen. “No!. . .Spatula girl wrong. Airen is taking me to date. . .” Argued with a broken language the teen with purple hair.

“You are wrong Shampoo! Ran-chan invited me to my own prom and no one. . .Not even you will pry him from me this time. . .” Argued back the chef. In the middle of the fight though, a tense boy with his eyes close, his teeth clenched and a vein threatening to pop decided this should stop at once before it could get out of hand.

That’s the cue his mind found terrible to act upon when his luck threw him not only against the girls, but a fuming Akane with her bangs hiding her face and her clenched teeth announcing Mr. Mallet was coming his way. “Ranma!. . .” Was the daily ritualistic howl of desperation and unfairness the pigtailed teen came to live with every time these three girls were together.

“A-Akane, this is not what it looks like!” Replied the boy rather innocently, but he knew there was no positive effect from doing such apologizing call. The girl would come his way with stomping steps, raising her trusty mallet which would roar across the street with unstoppable force, and finally punching the human projectile aim far into the sky with no remorse on her part. . .And just as before, his theory didn’t disappoint.

There he went across the heavens. the so called good looking guy who inherited three girls on his shoulders and the boy who managed to see those same girls leaving the streets of Nerima peacefully behind began to wonder one thing. Was it punching him into the sky the only way they had to stop their squabbles and make everything right?.

You describe this more like you're explaining it to a storyboard artist rather than describing the event as it is happening. Akane also doesn't use a mallet enough for it to be associated with her let alone for there to be any name attached.

This kind of scene has also been played out ad nauseam. You could outright cut it down to Akane having thoughts on the school holding a prom, sees Ranma getting cornered by Ukyo/Shampoo, seeing red and beginning to stomp over to give him a piece of her mind, and scene end. Cut to Ranma landing on Ryoga and muttering about violent tomboys and it should be obvious what transpired.

“Ranma!?. . .” The pigtailed boy appeared from within a mountain of clothes and bedspreads ready to be used tonight, somewhat dizzy from the crash and falling unconscious after a second or two. “Man. . .I must be in Nerima if this idiot is raining from the sky.”

Ryoga is rather simple minded, probably should be more like "When did I get in Nerima?" or "Ranma, what are you doing in Okinawa?" rather than realizing his location, no matter how general.

His girl Akari, or at least that’s how most people saw them, happened to like the pig in him the most, remembered bitterly the boy. She always gave more precedent to his curse every time he would appear near the ranch and as the girl made him all sorts of porcine paraphernalia to wear, that detail made Ryoga run away from her crazed ideas of ownership. And so, after traversing the land all on his own a month ago, a lonely boy managed to find Nerima only to be slapped on the face with an envelope given by Kasumi. . .The nicest of girls he has ever met.

Huh? No she didn't. You don't need to degrade the character to break the two apart. It's easily accomplished by Ryoga just getting upset with all the reminders of his curse hanging around. Which works as a way to highlight an ever growing hatred for it.

The letter was a simple statement summoning him to Furinkan high school where he was admitted for a whole week, thanks to Soun Tendo and his full time tutor, Akane Tendo. That happened nearly two years ago, and after Kasumi led him towards the principal’s office with the goal to respond at the request, Director Kuno was forced to apply the same rules he did to the rest of the alumni only in a new fashion.

The lost boy was obligated to sign documents who made him an official student in that school, and as such, the teen was left with an ultimatum. . .He had three months to present every exam missed during his absence. It was a daunting task for sure, but what no one knew was how hard the boy studied on the road, giving him the advantage to be somewhat prepared for the finals.

So much is happening here that it may as well have it's own chapter or even story.

Not sure exactly what Ryoga being able to get an education really brings to the table. Him struggling to get by in a society that puts a big emphasis on education seems more like fertile ground for a story.

“You!?. . .You are expected ta present all tests in one sittin’ within only three months from now?. . .Heck!. . .It took me a lot of effort ta barely pass each one at the time. Face it man. . .There ain’t no way you can do that an’ finish high school this year.” Said the pigtailed boy smugly. Ryoga took a deep breath trying to block the boy off his mind after his advice meant no help whatsoever for his problems.

And he's right.

“Last time we met you married Akane. I have no idea nor I care what happened next, but this is my personal fight and I don’t want you near me. . .” The warning felt too harsh this time for the teen to just let go from the conversation. Ranma simply grabbed the delicious looking bowl, drank it in one gulp and left the tent at his own pace, angry when Ryoga didn‘t give him a chance to explain there was no wedding at all.

Short of you revising the wedding, a good argument could be made that Ryoga didn't even know that a wedding was happening because he was focused on the cask. But he most certainly would have known that it hadn't completed.

With a roll of his eyes and the sad look Ranma had the fanged boy unzipped the rest of the tent, asking just as dryly to come in carefully. The girl did as told, stepping lightly over several pieces of newspapers inside the tent’s floor and sitting opposite from Ryoga.

More humorous if Ryoga actually does ask in the text.

“Alright, take everything off Ranma before you get sick. Let me see if I can. . .”

The massive downpour necessary for Ranma to be so completely soaked after less than 30 seconds outside would cave the much abused tent in and never would Ryoga suggest Ranma get nude in front of him as a girl. It'd be something Ranma just did without thinking or purposely to mess with Ryoga.

When Ranma saw a print from her naked feet stamped where the matches and the flint were neatly kept, the girl pouted into the most innocent smiles Ryoga had ever seen. That infuriated him even more which he clearly showed with a smack on her head.

“Damn it man!. It was an accident!!” Chided angrily the girl without leaving that cute pout from her face. “Whatever. Undress and stay behind me until you dry off, I’ll see if there’s something of mine that can fit you.” Ranma followed his orders this time, getting out of the wet shirt, pants and underwear while staying out of his view.

The lost boy could feel Ranma shivering a second later, that’s when he took his gas powered lamp, raised its heat level and passed it behind him where the girl felt the warmth immediately. “T-T-Thanks man. T-T-This is m-much better. S-Say. . .C-Could I-I have some more of t-that s-soup?” Asked the girl with chattering teeth.

Fortunately Ryoga never finished the meal after being absorbed with homework. The boy pulled the pot sill warm from the mat, passing it again to the redhead without looking. “You know Ryoga buddy. You have seen me naked so many times it ain’t funny, an’ still you get embarrassed by lookin’ at me like this?”

The fanged boy agreed with that remark one hundred percent, but there was something new in his mind that began to cloud his judgment not to mention the upcoming test becoming his greatest challenge ever. “You know you are my rival whether Akane is married to you or not Ranma. To me, you are a pest no matter the shape, but if you’re not going to act decent, then it’s my job to treat you decently.”

A minute later the boy went back to his studies, interrupted only when a loud slurping sound would break his concentration. The worst part came next when a snickering Ranma decided to mess with her best and possibly only real friend in this town just for kicks.

The girl kept pulling from his shirt, asking him for more food but knowing he always kept sweet bread in a tiny bag a few inches on his right. Ranma knew a distracted pig boy would let her get away with anything, and so her brain began to mess with the one thing Ryoga hated the most, Her physical body. The redhead’s blue eyes sparkled for a second, giving the green light to go ahead with the plan.

“Ok, if your so busy with those stupid books might as well go an’ get that bread myself.” As she said this, Ranma stood on her knees, crawled in front of the studying boy, and reached for that gray bag filled with sweet goodies.

It was a normal thing for her to sprawl and stretch around him with no decency at all, but Ryoga began to bare his own teeth in ire when her breasts started to flop right in front of him. His hand flew against his eyes and as a loud slap sealed his vision away, Ryoga mumbled angrily for the girl to move back behind. “R-Ranma!. . .You are naked, remember?”

The lead up to this last section can be cut out. Sticking with Ryoga's POV trying to not look and then suddenly Ranma appears in front of him.

“Damn it Ranma!. Y-Your chest is falling freely on top of me. . .Do you have any idea what kind of damage that image can do to a single guy like. . .L-Like me!?” Said the teen lastly just as his nose began to drip blood against his will.

Just "Damn it, Ranma!" it should be more of a knee jerk reaction rather than having all this time to make long sentences.

Of course Ryoga darted away from the compromising pose, running at the other side of the tent and cleaning his face without opening his eyes while the redheaded misfit laughed out loud. Sweet syrupy tones and pouting faces the boy refused to look at were all the excuse Ranma used to tell him how much she enjoyed his prudish innocence.

“I should kill you for this you idiot.” Said Ryoga exasperated. Thankfully the loud rain hitting the tent muffled his screams and her snickering laughs. When Ranma half apologized for her demeanor, the next few seconds became excruciatingly slow for the fanged teen after the girl decided to keep the joke on.

“Are you sure you’re decent Ranma?” Asked Ryoga a third time. When the girl reassured him she was covered, the fanged teen peeked indirectly at her feet, tired to be caught watching at her ample chest two times in a row. When Ranma found his shy stares too funny to let go, the redhead jumped on him, pushing his shoulders against the floor and ending up on top of him while her assets dangled precisely an inch from his open eyes.

It was a surreal feeling for both. Ryoga could do nothing but be mesmerized by the anatomic part he had never actually seen in a woman before while Ranma showed a rebellious nature she so desperately needed to let out after the latest fights with Akane and the others drove her insane.

Really haven't setup Ranma being so aggressive in this way enough. Perhaps something less intentional, where Ryoga tries to hit Ranma for being a tease and she ends up dodging repeatedly until they get into that position.

The sound from the rain began to die down as the night hours advanced without a care in the world. By four in the morning the redhead could barely keep her eyes open while the boy carefully lift her bridal style, set her on his own bed and tucked each side from head to toe.

How big do you think Ryoga's tent is?

“Have a nice night you stupid idiot. Hopefully tomorrow should be clear of any cloud and you can become the same jerk I got to like.” Ryoga then left her snore at her leisure, twirling in place around next and pulling a book filled with photos and newspaper clippings.

Why isn't Ryoga as tired?

“Um. . .” Mumbled incoherently Ryoga which led Ranma to look down on herself and see the cute pose she had with his shirt still covering her legs in such sensuous manner. The redhead immediately felt that heating effect rising on her face and arms, prompting Ranma to run into the tent in search of her clothes.

Ranma should be less self aware and needing more obvious signs of distress from Ryoga before realizing the effect she's having.

Ranma found no reason to fight a loosing battle, giving him the chance to walk into the house and see if Akane was still angry from yesterday. When he peeked in everything seemed normal enough. Usually the girl would yell and warn him about being late for school, but ever since spring break was here, no school days were schedule to assist during the next three moths.

Spring break is the end of the school year, March and ends on April 1st. That's only 1 month, not three. (This also brings up problems of Ryoga trying to finish exams)

“One last thing!. Akane-chan is going to be busy this few months. I think you two should talk about “the job”. . .” That interested him the most. Ranma heard a few days ago how Akane wanted to use her time better during this break, but this was the first time he knew of a possible job she could obtain on her own.

“Gee, I better go an’ see what’s that tomboy planning’ ta do now.” The pigtailed fighter skipped the house’s walls next, walking towards the center of town where most likely than not Akane would be talking in that meeting.

Center of town? That's a terrible general direction to head in a place as large as Nerima. Just give some extra details from Kasumi about where Akane is.

In the ice cream parlor by the school, three girls decided the fate a certain pigtailed teen would suffer by their hands after years fighting for the same goal forced them to find a common ground between alliances. Akane Tendo sat on one side from the booth while Shampoo and Ukyo sat reservedly on the other side.

“Did it work like we planned it so far?” Asked the chef at the girl who delivered the final touch during their scuffle.

Akane and the other two had being dealing with this nuisance almost three years in a row, and now that a famous celebration like a prom could make one girl the winner, all three opted to pool their talents to make that decision permanent.

This start to a scene usually ends in really really bad places.

“It worked at some extent, but when we went our separate ways, I wasn’t able to find him anywhere. Then the rain forced me to go back home, but he never stepped back into his room. Said Akane tiredly. The other girls doubted her at first, but since they worked so hard to attain this alliance, they believed it would be so foolish trying to keep them out of the loop all on her own.

“Yea, I tried to run after the trajectory he flew in, but I stopped by the river where the bridge is. That’s where I lost sight of him.” Said Ukyo next, unable to keep on with the punishment.

Lastly Shampoo was the thirst voice asking one question the other two meditated about before. “You sure Airen can take beating?. . .Shampoo wants Airen, but I no want dead Ranma.”

Both Akane and Ukyo realized this plan had its own severe risks, but after analyzing the path Ranma’s vacillating choices left them, the girls knew they had to push him into choosing a girl.

“I know is hard the way we’ve been treating him Shampoo, but Ranma has been fighting over this and he always falls into a stalemate.” Said the raven haired teen tired of the same repetitive chaos. “I don’t want to suffer another possible wedding where either you or anyone else could come and ruin it for me.”

Ukyo agreed as well that even though pushing Ranma into making a final choice was a terrible thing to do, leaving it to the pigtailed teen’s freedom to choose had left nothing but heartaches for the rest. “Then we still keep pushing him from all sides until he budges. My only concern though is that my job will take me off the game every morning now that spring break means more income.”

Shampoo was forced to admit her great grand-mother had the same deal for her in the Neko-hanten. When both waitresses turned to see Akane as the only jobless in the team, the girl deflated when she explained about a new job occupying her mornings as well.

“Then, it’s settled. We get to push Ranma until he can make the last choice, but we do it at the same time and when we are free from our responsibilities.” All three agreed with the plan, leaving the Parlor a minute later with the goal to search a boy and make his life a living hell while he arrived in search of them.

“I can’ seem ta find ’em anywhere. I wonder where can Akane be?” Wondered Ranma without realizing the world of hurt coming his way.

Not getting good vibes from this direction.



A couple very cliched scenes that could probably use some more unique flair of their own but overall much more readable with more showing rather than telling in big summary blocks. I'm really not a huge fan of such long time skips with so much happening. The ending of Ranma 1/2 carries the implication that more adventures are going to happen but often times it's just like all they did was go to school and live normal lives. As if all the crazy and random encounters just vanished.

Thank you Laohki for reviewing my story so fast. I am going to try and describe the different points you cover as explanations, but I want to do it "Not" to contradict you.
I just want to explain the reason why I wrote the story in a certain point of view.
1.- The suffixes of san, sama and chan/kun are used pretty often and with no regard to the mental state as I have seen plenty of times on other animes. I have watched some very close to Japanese behavior situations like in "Daily living of highschool boys." and the female teenagers still call other friends with the "Chan" suffix, so I thought that was a normal thing to do. The other topic makes the wedding the most important point according to Ranma 1/2 wiki which is where I get most facts from. They describe that like that epitome or final lesson Takahashi announced that she never planed to let Ranma and his harem loose to a one girl specifically.

2.-I'm sorry, I try to tell the story like an outsider describing the reader things that never happened to me. Guess I need to work more on how I portray the direction in which I describe it more closely. The part about the mallet is clearly shown as an Akane only treat and personal signature described is one of her personal fighting moves in Ranma 1/2 wiki, that's why I wrote it that way. Lastly, if akane were to stomp him to the ground, there's no way Ranma would soar through the air and land on Ryoga, forcing me to find another why to make an awkward intimate moment with the two of them.

3.- Um, Ryoga has always been simple minded. From falling irremediably lost from Ranma's obvious disguises to be so scared of a naked Ranma after dealing with her nudity many times before.

4.- I'm sorry, but I didn't degrade Akari, Takahashi did the second she made a ditzy girl who threw her giant pig against regular people trying to find love in the process or knit all matter of clothes with porcine details on them, not to mention branding her dummy speech about how pigs were perfect in every way.

5.- The main point for Ryoga to seek an education was omitted just as I compressed this part because I was told not to make "walls of words" that bored people. It may be a mistake, but vastly describing the background for Ryoga's reason's to be educated seemed like a waste of space other people in Fukufics find irrelevant to begin with. that's why I skipped that altogether.

6.- "he's right". No argument there.

7.-I don't know. When Ryoga walked away in the last manga page, he looked annoyed and looking away from Ukyo and shampoo fighting for Ranma, and even specially mad for Akane which he ignored as well. I assumed he just walked into the sunset and opted to not find out about what happened until much later on. Possibly a year?

8.- "More humorous if Ryoga actually does ask in the text" Thank you, ill try to do that.

9.-Somehow Ryoga considers Ranma as a girl for some reason. Asking him to get nude becasue he knows the mess she would do by entering the tent, not to mention getting sick was the most logic of responses according to the situation. By the way, A simple splash from the old lady's ladle is enough to change him into his curse. When heavy rain appears on the Anime it usually downpours in a second, leaving Ranma or anyone else drenched without actually flooding the city.

10.- Thanks, Ill try to cut more off from this part over Ryoga's POV over a naked Ranma.

11.-Again. Using "Damn it Ranma!" is a great reaction. The rest I added because I still think the reader needs more details. Thanks, I'll procure to cut the rest off.

12.- I don't know how to apply this. Ranma is increasingly aggressive as a girl. She has led him into the bushes and according to the pictures floating during the fiance episode, the redhead let Ryoga grab her pretty much everywhere. When she entered the girls locker room, Ranma clamped her whole body around Ryoga's torso, making their contact too intimate for the lost boy to handle. I believe she is capable to be more aggressive than how I wrote but maybe you're right.

13.- According to the fishing rod of love it's enormous. When Akane peeked inside the Tent had Ranma and Ryoga sprawled in the center while tons of clothes, bags and other accessories were vastly scattered all over the place. That has to be a family size camping tent lol.

14.- Ryoga is tired but he must finish his assignation over the several topics he needs to pass during the tests, so I made him into a studying machine where it was taken him a big toll over his strength, but kept him strong enough to be awake at most times.

15.- I would think so too, but she has showed awareness from simple details like when the kid called her lady during the festival or covering her breasts when Happosai stole her blouse at the start of the movie 2. Ranma felt nude, covered up for a split second and a moment later she ran after the old man open chested again. She seems to have those flashing moments of decency every now and then.

16.- Yes!, you are absolutely right. I researched about the exact time for vacations and according to wikipedia Summer vacation lasts from 6 to 14 weeks depending on the country. I meant to use that lapse of time but I wasn't sure of the name. Apparently Japan has summer vacation for about a month and a half only. Thanks for letting me know. i need to modify that part.

17.-I'll do that, thanks

All in all, I thank you so much for helping me clear so many mistakes. I will work better on the details and I again. Don't think I'm trying to counter what you're teaching me. I am learning from you and that means a lot to me.

HibikiRed wrote:Thank you Laohki for reviewing my story so fast. I am going to try and describe the different points you cover as explanations, but I want to do it "Not" to contradict you.
I just want to explain the reason why I wrote the story in a certain point of view.
1.- The suffixes of san, sama and chan/kun are used pretty often and with no regard to the mental state as I have seen plenty of times on other animes. I have watched some very close to Japanese behavior situations like in "Daily living of highschool boys." and the female teenagers still call other friends with the "Chan" suffix, so I thought that was a normal thing to do. The other topic makes the wedding the most important point according to Ranma 1/2 wiki which is where I get most facts from. They describe that like that epitome or final lesson Takahashi announced that she never planed to let Ranma and his harem loose to a one girl specifically.

Akane using 'chan' is perfectly fine and reasonably expected for close friends it was the shortening of Yuka's first name that I was really commenting on.

The wedding was just a big send off for the manga and to drag as many characters back into it as possible. It's a common thing for a series with a large cast to try and bring as many back as possible. The tv show Scrubs jumps out at me as a really good example of this trope as their last episode literally had the main character walk down a hall lined with the vast majority of characters who were ever on the show.

I think I'd take that wiki's opinion on things with a large handful of salt when it's not an outright statement of fact.

2.-I'm sorry, I try to tell the story like an outsider describing the reader things that never happened to me. Guess I need to work more on how I portray the direction in which I describe it more closely. The part about the mallet is clearly shown as an Akane only treat and personal signature described is one of her personal fighting moves in Ranma 1/2 wiki, that's why I wrote it that way. Lastly, if akane were to stomp him to the ground, there's no way Ranma would soar through the air and land on Ryoga, forcing me to find another why to make an awkward intimate moment with the two of them.

Perhaps anime Akane, but your'e using events from the manga which is a far different canon. Ranma if I remember correctly uses a mallet more often than Akane in the manga. Akane generally just uses whatever is handy or her fists.

3.- Um, Ryoga has always been simple minded. From falling irremediably lost from Ranma's obvious disguises to be so scared of a naked Ranma after dealing with her nudity many times before.

Yes but he rarely if ever realizes that he's actually where he should be until pointed out. Ranma falling into his lap is more likely to make him wonder why Ranma is wherever Ryoga thought he was.

4.- I'm sorry, but I didn't degrade Akari, Takahashi did the second she made a ditzy girl who threw her giant pig against regular people trying to find love in the process or knit all matter of clothes with porcine details on them, not to mention branding her dummy speech about how pigs were perfect in every way.

Akari maybe pig obsessed but as the mini-arc where Ryoga tries to date both her and Akane at the same time showed, she didn't even bring the topic up.

5.- The main point for Ryoga to seek an education was omitted just as I compressed this part because I was told not to make "walls of words" that bored people. It may be a mistake, but vastly describing the background for Ryoga's reason's to be educated seemed like a waste of space other people in Fukufics find irrelevant to begin with. that's why I skipped that altogether.

You should have something to explain it, in fact you really don't have to describe it that much at all. Ranma sees him studying, wonders why, and Ryoga says he's trying to keep up with his school work. You can let details about why come up later. Not everything needs to be answered/explained immediately.

7.-I don't know. When Ryoga walked away in the last manga page, he looked annoyed and looking away from Ukyo and shampoo fighting for Ranma, and even specially mad for Akane which he ignored as well. I assumed he just walked into the sunset and opted to not find out about what happened until much later on. Possibly a year?

Ryoga is just sitting there, not walking away, and he showed up without knowing what was going on.

A year is a LONG time and Ryoga has been shown to last about five minutes when he makes promises.

9.-Somehow Ryoga considers Ranma as a girl for some reason. Asking him to get nude becasue he knows the mess she would do by entering the tent, not to mention getting sick was the most logic of responses according to the situation. By the way, A simple splash from the old lady's ladle is enough to change him into his curse. When heavy rain appears on the Anime it usually downpours in a second, leaving Ranma or anyone else drenched without actually flooding the city.

Which considering Ryoga's normal reaction around girls would mean he would struggle to even form the thought of Ranma being nude in his tent.

You have it be a sudden downpour that goes all night and keeps Ranma from simply heading home. So it better be a very devastating storm. Perhaps thunder and lightning.

12.- I don't know how to apply this. Ranma is increasingly aggressive as a girl. She has led him into the bushes and according to the pictures floating during the fiance episode, the redhead let Ryoga grab her pretty much everywhere. When she entered the girls locker room, Ranma clamped her whole body around Ryoga's torso, making their contact too intimate for the lost boy to handle. I believe she is capable to be more aggressive than how I wrote but maybe you're right.

Can't comment on anime episodes as I avoid them due to their dumbing down of various characters/events. But yes Ranma can be "aggressive" when it benefits him. The way you have it now implies more than that though. Making her sort of an exhibitionist.

13.- According to the fishing rod of love it's enormous. When Akane peeked inside the Tent had Ranma and Ryoga sprawled in the center while tons of clothes, bags and other accessories were vastly scattered all over the place. That has to be a family size camping tent lol.

Looks like 2 sleeping bags at most with a little space between.

14.- Ryoga is tired but he must finish his assignation over the several topics he needs to pass during the tests, so I made him into a studying machine where it was taken him a big toll over his strength, but kept him strong enough to be awake at most times.

Well during the Kodachi intro arc, Ranma and Ryoga stay up the entire night fighting. Ranma could just get bored.

15.- I would think so too, but she has showed awareness from simple details like when the kid called her lady during the festival or covering her breasts when Happosai stole her blouse at the start of the movie 2. Ranma felt nude, covered up for a split second and a moment later she ran after the old man open chested again. She seems to have those flashing moments of decency every now and then.

But you have Ranma reasonably clothed, certainly she's worn less.

All in all, I thank you so much for helping me clear so many mistakes. I will work better on the details and I again. Don't think I'm trying to counter what you're teaching me. I am learning from you and that means a lot to me.

Don't really see a reason why I would think you're trying to be contrary.

Thank you and wow. I never thought you would be so nice to reply so soon. My only question is this, Should I modify the chapter according to your advice and post it again on this thread, or just fix it and upload it directly on FF.net?.

HibikiRed wrote:Thank you and wow. I never thought you would be so nice to reply so soon. My only question is this, Should I modify the chapter according to your advice and post it again on this thread, or just fix it and upload it directly on FF.net?.

If you like the revisions and think it's ready post it to ff.net, otherwise just post the updated version in the thread.

I think you may be operating under a misapprehension as to the meaning of “wall of text”. It doesn’t usually have any relation to the length of the text in question; it’s more often a complaint that paragraph breaks are too infrequent, thus failing to provide visible breaks in the onslaught of verbiage. Your paragraphs are right at the maximum of what is comfortable to read on screen. Please note that there is no real rule nor even a reliable guideline for this. My own paragraphs vary from one-liners to lengthy expositions that would fill half a page in a traditional paperback novel. I try to stay away from those but sometimes they are necessary. Your writing seems to have very few shorter paragraphs, though, which may have been the source of that “wall of words” complaint you mentioned.

gsteemso wrote:I think you may be operating under a misapprehension as to the meaning of “wall of text”. It doesn’t usually have any relation to the length of the text in question; it’s more often a complaint that paragraph breaks are too infrequent, thus failing to provide visible breaks in the onslaught of verbiage. Your paragraphs are right at the maximum of what is comfortable to read on screen. Please note that there is no real rule nor even a reliable guideline for this. My own paragraphs vary from one-liners to lengthy expositions that would fill half a page in a traditional paperback novel. I try to stay away from those but sometimes they are necessary. Your writing seems to have very few shorter paragraphs, though, which may have been the source of that “wall of words” complaint you mentioned.

Pretty sure that's in reference to when I mentioned for another story that he had this huge wall of summary rather than anything actually happening.

LawOhki wrote:Pretty sure that's in reference to when I mentioned for another story that he had this huge wall of summary rather than anything actually happening.

Oh. Never mind then.

LawOhki wrote:Pretty sure that's in reference to when I mentioned for another story that he had this huge wall of summary rather than anything actually happening.

I also commented on it because the complete lack of pagebreaks made it unreadable so i didn´t get anywhere at all.

It´s still not super perfect or anything, but it is definitely a vast improvement and also acceptable, which i don´t think it was before ( as now it can definitely be read ). Of course now i don´t have the time to even try to actually read it, heh...

Thank so much Spica75 and gsteemso. The more I learn, the better people can enjoy the stories.

Now!. I changed most of the tips LawOhki has remarked on the last post except the time frame. The way I see it, Ryoga gets lost for months at the time. If he tried a serious relationship with Akari before he dumped her, that means they went out at least four or five times. That's why a year makes sense for a teen who gets lost ever three or four months at the time.
The other point is the lapse of time for summer break. I am working on a month of vacation Ryoga has to present the preliminary exams, but the rest of the other moths before the scholar year is over will be used for the teen to present the other set of tests.
Lastly, I know the wedding doesn't mean a lot for the readers, but I want to make it a very important point in the story where Ryoga decides most of his choices, so I may write about it often during the chapters.


Ok. This is the revised chapter before posting it on FF.net.

Kindred Spirits. Chapter 1

Happiest of days were the thoughts of many young teenagers in a small part of Japan. The area belonged to Tokyo, but like many other conglomerate zones, this one had its own district and official name. Thus, Nerima city inside Furinkan district is the place where a strange love story is about to unfold.

The emotional levels among the students frequenting this town raised a new desire for foreign traditions thanks to an upcoming activity the nation had never seen before. It was a celebration at the end of an era, and although there weren’t many ceremonies like this one in Japan, the special occasion marked the start of a beautiful romance no one had ever foreseen.

“Can you believe it?. . .I was asked to the prom by several guys!” Announced emotively one of the girls who attended with Akane Tendo. The youngest Tendo sister had received several invitations as well, but neither Hikaro Gosunkugi nor Tatewaki Kuno were even close to her tastes in partners after such distinguished celebration meant a one in a lifetime opportunity.

It all started when two exchange students from America attended the junior years in Furinkan, the first year actually. Both described the need to go back before the end of their visit all because of a dance nationwide known as a “prom”. When the students here asked why the rush, that’s when they spoke about that special occasion where sweethearts, old friends from childhood and even secret admirers get to become not only a couple, but solidify their relationship into a blessed matrimony on later years.

Afterwards, gossip and several discussions over the different clubs at school prompted a revolution of sorts where teachers and school officials decided to test drive that idea for the first time in the country. Director Kuno fumed in anger by such an unimportant activity, but the higher-ups were determined to use his school this time only for a controlled experiment.

“Too bad all those invitations are going to waste since Ranma is the only one governing your life Akane. . .” Said Yuka, one of her closest friends and protector of the raven haired girl’s best interests. Akane sighed defeated, knowing that was a sure thing not because of what Ranma or she wanted, but because their fathers had arranged their union long ago despite their choice.

“I don’t know Yuka-chan, I usually go through the motions but today I feel. . .Empty, specially when people talk about Ranma and me as something we‘re not. . .” Said the teen a bit disappointed by last year’s crumbling wedding. As she remembered correctly, pastry and food arrangements flew everywhere during the ceremony that was supposed to be the best day of her life. Then, Akane managed to see their rivals fighting among each other while ignoring the most important moment she had whether she wanted it or not.

That’s when the typical show appeared before her eyes. Those lively brown orbs fell half open by the obvious scene those three displayed as usual. A mangled pigtailed boy stood supposedly trapped in the middle of two girls fighting for dominance over his life. Ukyo and Shampoo pulling angrily each other from an arm as Akane battled with the idea to stop all this or just let it play like she always does.

That scene not only popped in her head after the conversation she had among friends, but as if it was magic, the same picture appeared before Akane’s eyes once again only this time played in the here and now. Those same girls fighting over the same idiotic boy stood on either side pulling and demanding the same tired ownership over the pigtailed teen. “No!. . .Spatula girl wrong. Airen is taking to date. . .” Argued with a broken language the teen with purple hair.

“You are wrong Shampoo! Ran-chan invited me to my own prom and no one. . .Not even you will pry him from me this time. . .” Argued back the chef. In the middle of the fight though, a tense boy with his eyes close, his teeth clenched and a vein threatening to pop decided this should stop at once before it could get out of hand.

That’s the cue his mind found terrible to act upon when his luck threw him not only against the girls, but a fuming Akane with her bangs hiding her face and her clenched teeth announcing her anger fueled punishment was coming his way. “Ranma!. . .” Was the daily ritualistic howl of desperation and unfairness the pigtailed teen came to live with every time these three girls were together.

“A-Akane, this is not what it looks like!” Replied the boy rather innocently, but he knew there was no positive effect from doing such apologizing call. The girl would come his way with stomping steps, backed her right foot a few inches in preparation for the attack, and finally punting the human projectile with a kick so strong, the poor boy flew far into the sky with no remorse on her part. . .And just as in previous situations, Ranma’s new theory didn’t disappoint.

There he went across the heavens. the so called good looking guy who inherited three girls on his shoulders and the boy who managed to see those same girls leaving the streets of Nerima peacefully talking like good friends began to wonder one thing though. Was it punching him into the sky the only way they had to stop their squabbles and make everything right?.

The pensive boy had no time to ponder on such meaningless question as he passed block after block filled with houses and apartments, and although this trajectory would kill a regular man any day, the teen ready to resist the impact reached a place he never expected to land in his mind. There he was, the only other boy capable to equal Ranma on the battlefield seemed to be finishing installing his old tent right besides the canal. Ryoga Hibiki enjoyed most afternoons on places he was unable to recognize, let alone being able to identify the areas as possible places he had been before.

The fanged boy set his tent just a few feet into the wilderness Nerima came to know as the park next to the main water sewage, and as he accepted that area as rural and deserted, no sign of humans around gave him the peace of mind that no one could bother him here. Too bad he was so wrong this time again.

Crash!. . .Came the sound of something hitting his tent and ripping the thick cloth from its roof as that same object made his way out of nowhere. “What the!. . .” Said the fanged teen, unzipping the opening cover and finding the only pest he swore never to see ever again sprawled disgracefully across the ripped tent.

“Ranma!?. . .” The pigtailed boy appeared from within a mountain of clothes and bedspreads ready to be used tonight, somewhat dizzy from the crash and falling unconscious after a second or two. “What the hell are you doing in the middle of the rain forest?.” Wondered the clueless teen until that idiot made him slap his forehead in defeat. “I’m in Nerima, aren’t I?”.

The boy shook his head defeated again, setting the Saotome heir on the bed while he prepared dinner outside the camp and fixed the new ventilation system on the roof. He had a lot of things in his mind as of late, leaving any ill tempted desire to harm Ranma behind.

His girl Akari, or at least that’s how most people saw them, happened to like the pig in him the most, remembered bitterly the boy. She is a sweet girl who cares for the boy in a way Ryoga isn’t prepared to accept, and so the lonely traveler opted to end a relationship by simply walking away without talking with her at all. After traversing the land all on his own a month ago, a lonely boy managed to find Nerima only to be slapped on the face with an envelope given by Kasumi. . .The nicest of girls he has ever met.

She gave him the opportunity to bathe, change and eat when everyone else at home attended their own chores. “Ryoga-kun. I know your problem is very hard to deal with, but a good education is important later in life.” Said the oldest Tendo wisely.

She described him the type of jobs an unprepared man would end up in life, and as the boy downed that exquisite bowl of vegetables in seconds, Ryoga felt the need to attend that appointment if anything to at least please the girl.

The letter was a simple statement summoning him to Furinkan high school where he was admitted for a whole week, thanks to Soun Tendo and his full time tutor, Akane Tendo. That happened nearly two years ago, and after Kasumi led him towards the principal’s office with the goal to respond at the request, Director Kuno was forced to apply the same rules he did to the rest of the alumni only in a new fashion.

The lost boy was obligated to sign documents who made him an official student in that school, and as such, the teen was left with an ultimatum. . .He had barely over a month to present every exam missed during his absence. According to Principal Kuno, Ryoga had to present exams at the end of Summer vacation where all his “kikis” would hold that idiotic prom idea.

It was a daunting task for sure, but what no one knew was how hard the boy studied on the road, giving him the advantage to be somewhat prepared for the finals. He was sure to pull it off with the best dedication he could muster and the help from a nice lady he met on the road and Shirokuro, his dog.

As the teen set two bowls with steamy noodle soup in the outside of the tent Ranma began to come back to reality, blinking several times as he looked at his surroundings, unaware of what he had done. “Your crashed in my tent Ranma, here. . .” Said the fanged teen as he pointed him towards his bowl of food without turning around or attending him politely mostly because the tent wasn‘t big enough for the two of them.

Ranma saw him with weird eyes, wondering where was the dry attitude and demanding banter he always used to start their regular fights, but Ryoga seemed busy with a stack of books on either side of himself and a lamp directed exactly on top of the book he was reading. “Hey. . .W-What ‘cha doin’ man?” Asked Ranma still fogged by the black out induced kick and his abrupt landing.

“Never mind what I’m doing man. . Eat and get off my face. I’m sure Akane-san kicked you for a good reason and I have no time to deal with the likes of you. . .” Replied disinterested by his opponent’s antics. Ranma shrugged at first by his reaction, but when he saw that strange envelop clearly overlapped among the clothes, the pigtailed boy took it, reading and gasping at the crazy idea.

“You!?. . .You are expected ta present all tests in one sittin’ within only forty days from now?. . .Heck!. . .It took me a lot of effort ta barely pass each one at the time. Face it man. . .There ain’t no way you can do that an’ finish high school this year.” Said the pigtailed boy smugly. Ryoga took a deep breath trying to block the boy off his mind after his advice meant no help whatsoever for his problems.

After some success the fanged boy took the envelope forcibly from his hand, pointing at the bowl besides the electric stove outside and then to the tent’s entrance. “Eat and let me be Ranma.” It was clear and direct alright, fact that made Ranma question why was he so hard on him. When Ranma asked with a simple glance the reason, Ryoga’s mind reeled back a few months ago right after he left Nerima supposedly for good. That’s when he remembered his clear and definitive defeat by his ex-friend’s hands.

“Last time we met you married Akane. I have no idea nor I care what happened next, but this is my personal fight and I don’t want you near me. . .” The warning felt too harsh this time for the teen to just let go from the conversation. Ranma stepped out of the tent almost mechanically, grabbing the delicious looking bowl next, and drinking it in one gulp.

As he left the tent at his own pace, angry when Ryoga didn‘t give him a chance to explain there was no wedding at all, the pigtailed boy stood on the threshold with his clenched fists dropped on either side of his body.

“Whatever man. . .You know I didn’ marry that tomboy, an’ thanks ta the other two, I don’ think I ever will. . .” Said lastly before stomping out of the tent, or at least that‘s what he wanted to do. The lost boy blinked several times puzzled after hearing that, prompting him to stare at that metallic box hidden close by and feeling bad for treating his only real friend with the tip of his shoe.

Barroom!. . .Roared the darkened sky above the tent. Ranma wondered if his curse had some type of effect so strong, entire black clouds and heavy rain were attracted by it. When Ryoga remorsefully peeked from a tiny hole made by unzipping the tent there she was. . .A drenched up redheaded girl mumbling incoherently in the middle of the pouring rain.

It may not be an unstoppable storm for sure, but he knew what cold water does to cursed teenagers. With a roll of his eyes and the sad look Ranma had the fanged boy unzipped the rest of the tent, asking just as dryly to come in carefully. The girl did as told, stepping lightly over several pieces of newspapers inside the tent’s floor and sitting opposite from Ryoga while almost touching his back with hers.

“Alright, take everything off Ranma before you get sick. Let me see if I can. . .” But nothing else could be said when both teens saw the flint and several matches drowning right outside the camp. The wet tracks stamped across the tiny tent’s floor led Ryoga’s line of sight from the entrance and towards the redhead who carelessly shook vigorously in place, shedding all water from her hair and arms, and leaving a mess around while kicking the precious fire making items into the rain.

When Ranma saw a print from her naked feet stamped where the matches and the flint were neatly kept, the girl pouted into the most innocent smile Ryoga had ever seen. That infuriated him even more which he clearly showed with a smack on her head as he diverted his eyes elsewhere.

“Damn it man!. It was an accident!!” Chided angrily the girl without leaving that cute pout from her face.

“Whatever. Undress and stay behind me until you dry off, I’ll see if there’s something of mine that can fit you.” Ranma followed his orders this time, getting out of the wet shirt, pants and underwear while staying out of his view, and hanging them by the wall until they could be dry.

The lost boy could feel Ranma shivering a second later, that’s when he took his gas powered lamp, raised its heat level and passed it behind him where the girl felt the warmth immediately. “T-T-Thanks man. T-T-This is m-much better. S-Say. . .C-Could I-I have some more of t-that s-soup?” Asked the girl with chattering teeth.

Fortunately Ryoga never finished the meal after being absorbed with homework. The boy pulled the pot sill warm from the mat, passing it again to the redhead without looking. “You know Ryoga buddy. You have seen me naked so many times it ain’t funny, an’ still you get embarrassed by lookin’ at me like this?”

The fanged boy agreed with that remark one hundred percent, but there was something new in his mind that began to cloud his judgment not to mention the upcoming test becoming his greatest challenge ever. “You know you are my rival whether Akane is married to you or not Ranma. To me, you are a pest no matter the shape, but if you’re not going to act decently, then it’s my job to treat you with respect even if you don‘t deserve it.”

A minute later the boy went back to his studies, interrupted only when a loud slurping sound would break his concentration. The worst part came next when a snickering Ranma decided to mess with her best and possibly only real friend in this town just for kicks.

The girl kept pulling from his shirt, asking him for more food but knowing he always kept sweet bread in a tiny bag a few inches on his right, the girl decided to grab them on her own. Ranma knew a distracted pig boy would let her get away with anything, and so her brain began to mess with the one thing Ryoga hated the most, Her physical body. The redhead’s blue eyes sparkled for a second, giving the green light to go ahead with the plan.

“Ok, if your so busy with those stupid books might as well go an’ get that bread myself.” As she said this, Ranma stood on her knees, barely able to fit in the small space between the two, and crawling in front of the studying boy.

The redhead almost managed to reach for that gray bag filled with sweet goodies when yet another item called her attention. Ranma had surveyed Ryoga’s pack in the past so many times, she knew everything he owned. That’s why when a long and wide metallic box emerged from within his belongings, the girl was tempted to reach for it instead.

Almost unconsciously and without taking his eyes from the books Ryoga sensed her intentions which gave him a blush so strong, he preferred not to stare at her. “This is not yours to see, you idiot.” Said the teen as he grabbed that box and set it away from her prying hands. Ranma pouted annoyed again, but the sweet smell from those pastries erased whatever she was thinking earlier.

It was a normal thing for her to sprawl and stretch around him with no decency at all, but Ryoga began to bare his own teeth in ire when her breasts started to flop right in front of him thanks to her wandering movements. His hand flew against his eyes as a loud slap sealed his vision away, and just like other times Ryoga mumbled angrily for the girl to keep her distance while in that state. “R-Ranma!. . .You are naked, remember?”

“What of it?. Is not like you haven’ seen me nude man.” Declared nonchalantly the girl. It was a precarious situation for the boy mostly, specially when his open book rested on his crossed legs, and Ranma’s chest dangled directly on top of the book, giving the boy a nice appreciation from her physical attributes when the pressure from her assets gave him all the wrong thoughts.

“Damn it Ranma!. Y-Your chest is falling freely on top of me. . .Do you have any idea what kind of damage that image can do to a single guy like. . .L-Like me!?” Said the teen lastly just as his nose began to drip blood against his will.

Of course Ryoga darted away from such compromising position, running at the other side of the tent even when they were mere inches from each other while cleaning his face without opening his eyes. The redheaded misfit found his prudish innocence so intoxicating, the girl had no other choice but to laugh out loud. Sweet syrupy tones and pouting faces the boy refused to look at were all the excuse Ranma used to tell him how much she enjoyed his respectful demeanor.

“I should kill you for this you idiot.” Said Ryoga exasperated. Thankfully the loud rain hitting the tent muffled his screams and her snickering laughs. When Ranma half apologized for her actions, the next few seconds became excruciatingly slow and torturous for the fanged teen after the girl decided to keep the joke going.

“Are you sure you’re decent Ranma?” Asked Ryoga a third time. When the girl reassured him she was covered, the fanged teen peeked indirectly at her feet, tired to be caught watching at her ample chest two times in a row. When Ranma found his shy stares too funny to let go, the redhead pushed his forehead up, forcing him to see, but in the last moment Ryoga was thrown on his back just as he held tightly from her shoulders trying not to fall.

That’s when it happened. It was a surreal feeling for both for some strange and incredible reason. Ryoga could do nothing but be mesmerized by the anatomic part he had never actually seen in a woman before while Ranma showed a rebellious nature she so desperately needed to let out after the latest fights with Akane and the others drove her insane.

This was just steam highly compressed in the redheaded teen’s head for so long to release, but when the fanged boy peeled his eyes from such majestic view, his honey hued orbs darted towards her own blue ones, scaring her so deeply the girl blushed furiously by the close contact . Both jumped to each side from the tent for as far as the nylon walls could stretch, one looking at the ground ashamed while the girl covered immediately with the mat where the pot resided.

The tiny square made of lead and fabric didn’t do much to cover anything though, and as the boy saw her nervous glances at her sudden nakedness, Ryoga dug into the pile of clothes, offering at the girl the only shirt he had clean for the day.

“What the hell was that!. I was in control an’ all this was just for fun, then why did I feel so ashamed an’ weird ta be naked in front of him?” Berated the girl internally at the same time she dressed into the shirt anyway. When Ryoga looked up after she said everything was ok, his nose began to slowly bleed again without his consent.

That made Ranma blush intensely even more. She bent her knees and left her feet to the side like one of those sexy poses models do on a calendar, but as she inspected her sitting position, the green shirt barely covering her slender legs made both teens recognize that old scene where a woman in love sleeps with her man and in the next morning she walks all over the house dressed with nothing but his long shirt.

“I-I guess it looks like you an’ I.” Stuttered Ranma before pausing for a moment, mostly caught by her own appalling thought to be his girl waking up dressed like that. “Y-You an’ I, um.” She didn’t dare to say another word, specially when the lost boy kept staring at her terrified.

“You know what?. I think I should go buddy.” Said the girl next trying to diffuse the situation. Ryoga realized an irrational fear betrayed his mind and thoughts, and as the rain wouldn’t give up outside, the boy cleared loudly his throat, dismissing everything like a joke when he began to laugh uncontrollably.

“I-I can’t believe you fell for it Ranma. Ha, ha, ha!. You should have seen your face!. It was priceless.” Kept pushing the boy as he shoved the girl to the side and went back to his books like if it meant nothing what happened not ten minutes ago.

Ranma squinted an eye first, doubtful from his intention to make things lighter, but the redhead preferred to leave it be, following instead his performance and laughing with him. “You sure got me man!, OH, oh, oh!”

Ryoga cleared some fake tears from his eyes, set the books on top of his crossed legs and restarted with the studying session as he passed the bag with sweets towards the girl. “Here. Have some and save me at least the ones covered in honey, I really love those.”

Ranma began to separate the sweet bread pieces, watching with interest the different topics Ryoga read while she slowly let that strange heat go away from her flustered face and numbing chest. “S-So. You’re on biology right now?” Asked the redhead more seriously.

After the weird moment finally passed for the both of them, Ranma took a book from his hands, sitting exactly in front of him and asking him the several hundred questions expecting the right answer from the boy.

The sound from the rain began to die down as the night hours advanced without a care in the world. By four in the morning the redhead could barely keep her eyes open while the boy carefully lift her bridal style, set her on his own bed and tucked each side from head to toe.

“Have a nice night you stupid idiot. Hopefully tomorrow should be clear of any cloud and you can become the same jerk I got to like.” Ryoga then left her snore at her leisure, twirling in place around next and pulling a book filled with photos and newspaper clippings.

“D-Damn. I can’t believe I’m doing this.” Reprimanded Ryoga when the photo album had nothing but pictures of Ranma in different positions, clippings from heroic fights he had won publicly and writings he had done on the spur of the moment.

After he made sure Ranma wouldn’t spy on him, the boy fixed all that incriminating evidence into the metallic box the precise size of a book, watching carefully at the notebook that lady challenged him with and a piece of paper so important, Ryoga dared not to even bend it over. A moment later he closed it up with a six number combination lock and while biting his lower lip in remorse the boy berated himself for being this weak.

A last glance towards the girl left only a secretive sigh he hoped Ranma could never be able to hear out. When he made sure she was sound asleep, that flat metallic box went directly into the deepest bowels of his backpack, left there with the only objective to be pulled only by him alone.

“Ok, I have forty days left and I’m half way there. This should be interesting.” Chided one last time Ryoga before jumping back on his studies despite the heaviness hours of constantly being awake did to his eyes.

From the other side of the tent though a girl peeked one eye open, she wondered about that book and its meaning, but the redhead kept meditating mostly about that fleeting emotion controlling her chest against her will and hopefully understand its meaning before it could happen again.

When morning called the chirping sounds from the local birds, the lost boy brushed his teeth outside the camp. Ranma blinked blindly by the sun entering the gap from the tent and peeked towards the fire heating a kettle besides the tent.

With loud sounds the girl outstretched her arms, walking a second later outside and scratching her back after the nice night she slept in. “Morning Ryoga. By the way, where did you sleep man?” Asked the girl trying to make conversation, but the same effect from last night made the boy spit the toothpaste out while a tremendous blush ran across his nose, and his eyes nervously looked to the side.

“Um. . .” Mumbled incoherently Ryoga which led Ranma to look down on herself and see the cute pose she had with his shirt still covering her legs in such sensuous manner. The redhead immediately felt that heating effect rising on her face and arms, prompting Ranma to run into the tent in search of her clothes.

Once again the girl walked out of the small camp all dressed in her regular attire, stretching for the kettle and pouring a little bit over her head. “Yes!, this feels better.” Announced gladly the pigtailed boy. What happened next changed the perspective both teenagers saw at each other despite both being the manliest fighters on the land.

For some unfathomable reason that heat kept growing on the both of them. Ryoga had trouble looking him in the eye while the Saotome heir found too hard to be close to his friend. “I-I think I should go. Thanks for the grub an’ the, um, bed time.” Mused Ranma nervously. Ryoga simply raised a hand and waved while turning around and heading for his books without crossing sights with him. After a minute both teens were far away from each other, giving them a mutual sigh of relief they needed so much after the rare encounter in that tent last night.

When Ranma arrived home, his welcoming surprise was one experience he was yet to understand this far. “Morning m’boy!, where have you been all this time?” Asked Genma with a big smile after walking from the kitchen with what it looked like his breakfast.

“Hey!, ain’ that my plate?” Demanded the boy just in time to start chasing his old man towards the garden. The same dance made the boy follow his father until the man would swallow both sweetbreads and jumping on the pond, leaving behind a Panda faking innocent looks.

Ranma found no reason to fight a loosing battle, giving him the chance to walk into the house and see if Akane was still angry from yesterday. When he peeked in everything seemed normal enough. Usually the girl would yell and warn him about being late for school, but ever since spring break started today, no school days were schedule to assist during the next thirty-nine days.

“A-Akane!. . .Is everything ok?” Asked loudly the boy expecting to see the youngest Tendo still angry walking out from some place. “I’m sorry Ranma-kun. Akane-chan left early for a meeting with friends, but don’t worry. She should be back by noon.” It was Kasumi who cleaned the kitchen after breakfast, and readied herself for laundry.

“By the way Ranma-kun. Your father took your plate to the living room while I finished the kitchen and tidy up around the house, I‘m sure he will be nice enough to share with you.” Ranma just rolled his eyes by the news, wondering why the girl paused instead of going back to work.

“One last thing!. Akane-chan is going to be busy this few weeks. I think you two should talk about “the job”. . .” That interested him the most. Ranma heard a few days ago how Akane wanted to use her time better during this break, but this was the first time he knew of a possible job she could obtain on her own.

“Gee, I better go an’ see what’s that tomboy planning’ ta do now.” The pigtailed fighter skipped through the house’s walls next, walking towards the center of town where most likely than not Akane would be talking in that meeting.

o-o-o-o-o-o-

In the ice cream parlor by the school, three girls decided the fate a certain pigtailed teen would suffer by their hands after years fighting for the same goal forced them to find a common ground between alliances. Akane Tendo sat on one side from the booth while Shampoo and Ukyo sat reservedly on the other side.

“Did it work like we planned it so far?” Asked the chef at the girl who delivered the final touch during their scuffle.

Akane and the other two had being dealing with this nuisance almost three years in a row, and now that a famous celebration like a prom could make one girl the winner, all three opted to pool their talents to make that decision permanent.

“It worked at some extent, but when we went our separate ways, I wasn’t able to find him anywhere. Then the rain forced me to go back home, but he never stepped back into his room.” Said Akane tiredly. The other girls doubted her at first, but since they worked so hard to attain this alliance, they believed it would be so foolish trying to keep them out of the loop all on her own.

“Yea, I tried to run after the trajectory he flew in, but I stopped by the river where the bridge is. That’s where I lost sight of him.” Said Ukyo next, unable to keep on with the punishment.

Lastly Shampoo was the voice asking one question the other two meditated about before. “You sure Airen can take beating?. . .Shampoo wants Airen, but I no want dead Ranma.”

Both Akane and Ukyo realized this plan had its own severe risks, but after analyzing the path Ranma’s vacillating choices left them, the girls knew they had to push him into choosing a girl.

“I know is hard the way we’ve been treating him Shampoo, but Ranma has been fighting over this and he always falls into a stalemate.” Said the raven haired teen tired of the same repetitive chaos. “I don’t want to suffer another possible wedding where either you or anyone else could come and ruin it for me.”

Ukyo agreed as well that even though pushing Ranma into making a final choice was a terrible thing to do, leaving it to the pigtailed teen’s freedom to choose had left nothing but heartaches for the rest. “Then we still keep pushing him from all sides until he budges. My only concern though is that my job will take me off the game every morning now that spring break means more income.”

Shampoo was forced to admit her great grand-mother had the same deal for her in the Neko-hanten. When both waitresses turned to see Akane as the only jobless in the team, the girl deflated when she explained about a new job occupying her mornings as well.

“Then, it’s settled. We get to push Ranma until he can make the last choice, but we do it at the same time and when we are free from our responsibilities.” All three agreed with the plan, leaving the Parlor a minute later with the goal to search their victim and make his life a living hell.

Just as they left from one side of the establishment, a pigtailed teen walked in from the opposite side peeking everywhere for his fiancée, but unable to find or even ask for her whereabouts. “I can’ seem ta find ’em anywhere. I wonder where can Akane be?” Wondered Ranma without realizing the world of hurt coming his way.




And this is chapter 2. Not sure if I need to post it here or on another thread though.




Kindred Spirits Chapter 2


Beep, beep, beep. Sounded aloud the alarm Ranma had never heard before thanks to the earsplitting snores his father forced him to endure until the wee hours of the night. Today though, the pigtailed teen was unable to avoid that same annoying noise when other type of racket outside his bedroom made him open his eyes and find no desire to asleep any longer.

“Wha. . .What’s goin’ on?” Asked Ranma confused as his closed fingers rubbed his eyes tiredly and wondered why was the window showing darkness instead of a bright morning. A second later the alarm went off again most likely after the snooze button had been set for another thirty seconds. Anger seemed like the right emotion to exploit at the moment, but the boy recalled what happened yesterday about his fiancée and her duty to work for a cause.

“That’s right!, Akane is supposed ta work this morning.” Remembered the teen immediately. The boy realized going back to sleep at this point was futile and since the shuffling of clothes and hurrying steps outside his door were too loud to let pass, Ranma opted to silently walk outside his room and see what all the fuss was about.

That’s when he saw her. Akane Tendo dressed with one of those funny white hats nurses use all the time. Her dress matched as well just as the funny looking pantyhose they wear and those shoes. It seemed like if she was ready to leave, but Akane kept going back and forth, holding tightly a white piece of paper on her hand, and apparently discussing its meaning with someone else hiding beyond the stairs.

A few more tiptoeing took Ranma from the base upstairs to right I the middle where darkness concealed his figure and let him eavesdrop in their chat.

“I tell you nee-san, this writing belongs to Ryoga-kun. He has been avoiding us this last year for some reason, but I know he is here because Shampoo see him all the time with Mousse at the Neko-hanten.” Akane looked genuinely frustrated and worried, fact that made both Kasumi and Ranma wonder why Ryoga would act that way.

“Don’t worry Akane-chan, I’m sure he must have a really good explanation about this. Why don’t you go ahead and meet Dr. Tofu and after I go to the market, I’ll make sure to talk with Ryoga-kun if I see him.” Said the elder sister next.

Akane dared not to read the whole thing out of fear when the first lines she skimmed through sounded so harsh and cold. When the youngest sister left the letter on her hands, she told Kasumi to please read the rest and try to solve the reason why was he acting like this.

The eldest Tendo sister bid her goodbye after Akane walked towards the door, resuming back to the chores of the day as the pigtailed boy sneaked towards the front door. Both girls managed to see him, but neither did a thing to put him on the spot.

A last glimpse from a certain distance towards his fiancée was all the warning Akane needed to ignore Ranma after their last fight. With a simple “humph!” and an angry pout the teen restarted towards the main entrance where a loud thud left the house‘s gates slightly ajar.

“She may not like me now, but I ain’t leavin’ her alone on the street at this hour.” Thought the boy trying to protect her even when she never asked that of him. A second later Ranma walked a few steps behind the girl who by all accounts seemed oblivious of his presence.

Ranma kept his distance until the girl stopped by Tofu’s clinic. Once inside the boy decided six in the morning was too early for him to be on the street, specially when it was summer vacation. That’s when he decided to go back to bed.

Unfortunately, or maybe the other way around, Ranma met a happily pacing Kasumi walking towards the market with a hand basket around her arm. The boy opted to join her daily routine as a way to watch over Soun’s daughters more respectfully, and leave bed perhaps for a later time.

“Ranma-kun. It’s so nice for you to walk me to the market.” Her closed eyes and calming smile always made the teen feel welcomed and warm over matters like Genma and his presence as freeloaders around the house. “It’s ok. I was takin’ a morning jog, an’ I saw you walkin’ by, hope it’s ok fer me ta accompany you.” Said the teen not so much shyly, but trying to make conversation.

The eldest Tendo felt the need to keep his worries over Akane hidden, but since they were alone on the street, Kasumi decided to ask for his opinion about what happened this morning.

“So Ranma-kun. What do you think about the letter Ryoga-kun sent. Do you think I should do something about with Akane-chan?” The boy blinked several times by the question, wondering why would she need to do anything if Ryoga always wrote corny stuff about love and gifts.

“Why should you?, it ain’t like he can write anythin’ important.” Responded nonchalantly the teen. Kasumi realized neither Ranma or Akane knew what the lost boy had gone through these past months. The girl pulled said letter from within her purse, opening it in front of the boy and showing it more closely.

Ranma began to read carefully how the fanged teen referred to Akane without a suffix or intimate manner, speaking of the wedding as a way to terminate their friendship and at the end of the message, the boy decidedly admitted to her, he and P-chan were the same. The letter continued with an explanation of how he came to be a piglet, freeing Ranma of all implication and declaring that he was bound by honor not to divulge a thing.

It was a very damming message alright, that’s why he turned to see a nodding Kasumi admitting that this would be too harsh for the raven haired teen to withstand. “I wonder why would Ryoga open up at this point?” Asked the pigtailed teen puzzled.

“Well.” Intervened the girl as she knew something else was going on. Ranma stared at her, waiting and giving her the chance to clarify what he may had missed. “Ranma-kun. I have met Ryoga-kun a few times after the wedding happened.”

“At first he looked more disoriented than usual, but the last time I saw him about six months ago, he was confused and vulnerable, almost prone to fall on the street sick.” The girl kept explaining that the boy had dated five times with Akari, and although the girl is so sweet and attentive, certain demeanor the pigtailed teen knew very well about the pig trainer became big issues Ryoga wasn’t able to deal with.

“I begged him to come with me back home where he could rest, but hearing your name tensed him even more, and when I told him Akane-chan would be thrilled to see him after so long, he almost fainted. I can’t be sure of what’s going on Ranma-kun, but I believe he may be in trouble.”

Kasumi seemed worried enough about the letter, that’s why Ranma asked her not to say a thing until he could confront Ryoga today. Nearly at seven thirty both teens arrived home. After Ranma helped her accommodate the groceries, it took him nearly thirty seconds to go back to bed, not to sleep, but to think about what happened with Ryoga that day in his tent.

It was a fuzzy emotion he only felt when a certain circumstance would put Akane and him in a compromising situation. He remembered staring at those honey-brown eyes filled with fear and trepidation. When he tried to dig deeper into that feeling, a surge of heat made the then redheaded girl so self-conscious, Ranma arrived to the idea that she was actually flirting with him.

That sensation scared the most because he always thought of himself as a manly boy capable to sweep girls with his good looks and overconfident speech. He had never seen himself as vulnerable and timid enough to act as a damsel in distress, but for some reason it felt accelerating when doing it with Ryoga in that exact moment.

That memory, he kept well guarded in the back of his head, only to be played when he needed to be away from those three girls making his life a living hell. Then, he thought about that other problem plaguing Kasumi‘s mind. “Come ta think of it, I have seen that idiot three or four times on the street this past year, but he hasn’ been here either as P-chan, or himself.” It astounded him not to think about Ryoga all this time missing in the house which prompted the teenager to make this day, a time to look for answers.

“Well, a nice nap before Kasumi-san’s breakfast should do me some good.” Agreed within himself as he forced his eyes shut and fixed his sprawled limbs like always.

Splash! Came another sound the now redheaded girl had heard so many times at this precise moment. She would procure to demand an explanation and defy the fool who did that to face her in battle, but just as usual the girl met her father holding a bucket and glaring at her angrily. “Stop squabbling an’ get ta the Dojo useless boy!, it’s almost eight you know?” Shouted Genma trying to annoyingly press his own misguided training with his own methods.

The redhead bared her teeth in discontent, tired to receive the same stupid treatment like if she still was a kid. “Damn it Pops!, let me be at least for this month!” Demanded infuriated at the same time she preferred to avoid conflict and tried to jump out the window.

“Damn it boy!, come down here this instant!” Said the grouchy man only to see his son turned daughter skip his teachings altogether with breakfast and dessert looming away from her grasp. It was impossible for Ranma to run away from the house so early in the morning, but after she saw Kasumi happily picking two sets of plates filled with crumbs up, the boy realized there was no point fighting over his lost pastry.

She mumbled incoherently at first, hating how the day turned from bad to worse so early in the morning. For starters, it really made a number what she heard between Akane and Kasumi in the middle of the night, then after reading what Ryoga actually wrote, the redhead had no other choice but to look for him and beat the answers out of his head.

Lastly, the girl jumped from the roof to the street, thinking where could the pig boy be if he frequented Nerima without actually getting lost. That’s when an ominous silence told her something else was about to happen.

And there she was, a human bumper laying on the street after a bicycle she knew too well had run over the transformed girl just like pervious times. “Ranma!” Intoned delighted the Chinese teenager holding a box with ramen on one side and barely driving her mode of transportation with the other.

It took her a second to move aside, set the delivery box on the ground and lung at the teenage girl who still rubbed her head from the impact. “Airen take Shampoo to date?. . .Shampoo finishes at three.” Mused adoringly the girl. Ranma tried to push her aside, upset about Akane’s worries and the reason why Ryoga avoided the Dojo.

“Get off Shampoo!, I got no time ta date now. I need ta find Ryoga an’ see what’s goin’ on!!” As if the girl couldn’t hear nothing but praise, she kept squeezing Ranma and talking madly about that supposedly date the redhead had agreed to.

Shampoo was so oblivious from the pigtailed teen’s shoves that the Amazon blurted what Ranma had been meaning to look for today, and that’s when she had the chance to skip yet, another obstacle and head towards the commercial part of town.

“Pig-boy with Mousse.” Said the girl while getting on her bike. “Silly Mousse try to date Shampoo, he too weak to date. . .” As she said this Ranma dismissed the girl right before jumping on the roof only to be stopped when Shampoo offered him one of the bowls she carried as delivery.

“This no good, great grandma mad if I give cold food.” It may had been too late to deliver after the public scene she made with another girl, but Ranma understood beggars can’t be choosers, downing the bowl in a few seconds and to her dismay walking towards the Neko-hanten on the girl’s delivery tray.

o-o-o-o-o-

Back at Tofu’s clinic things began to unfurl like every day. Mostly old people would step into the tiny cubicle built to receive patients. Akane always showed a shy and honest demeanor when attending everyone and after the girl would accommodate every appointment, she was able to practice as Ono’s nurse.

“As you can see Akane-chan, being a aide nurse it’s not that hard once you get the first steps well practiced. Check their blood pressure, their weight and medicine doses and allergies are mostly the best help I could ever get, and now that vacation time is here there will be plenty of broken arms and scraped knees to go around.”

The young novice watched carefully as that man she considered amazingly companionate and attractive would carefully diagnosed simple aches and symptoms with a vast array of pressure points and chiropractic exercises.

“Now, we need to always procure their well being first and act accordingly when they need special treatments and as we make sure they are comfortable, serious matters like prescribed remedies can easily be made on the back.”

Akane stared mesmerized at her new Sensei not only from those feelings she managed to keep hidden for so long, but because he has ample knowledge over facts not even regular doctors were able to heal. Ono gave the girl several books and reference notes over the different acupuncture points and their uses, adding that chiropractic knowledge wasn’t a high end career later in her studies, a good recommendation and the experience would take her far as a doctor.

She decided to practice decidedly over this month, hoping to adapt a schedule where school and work wouldn’t collide with each other. Some thoughts would seep a bit worrisome than others though. One suddenly came after thinking about that Prom everyone talked about so enthusiastically.

She as a teen had high expectations to be in one of those American traditions, but after so many fights and misunderstandings with her fiancé, the young nurse began to see life in a different level. “Time is moving forward too fast.” Thought the girl with a serious face when a young mother held tight from her little boy who was afraid of needles.

“I have procrastinated long enough trying to fix whatever relationship I have with Ranma. We fight, and then we somewhat fix our problems, but a day later we are fighting again.” She kept prodding over the same routine both teens used as a way to vent over responsibilities and the future, leaving behind nothing but the same tired outcome.

The girl saw how adoring the little boy would cling trustingly by his mother’s arm, trusting the woman with all his heart and smiling excited a second later when the prick didn’t hurt at all, and the nice doctor rewarded his bravery with a nice lollipop.

“Um, Akane-chan, is everything alright?” Asked the older man confused when the girl held a broken thermometer on her hand, apparently unconsciously squishing it and letting the mercury substance drip to the floor while a tear of impotence formed on the corner of her eye. “Huh!?” Answered questioningly the girl next.

When Akane followed his line of sight, she was barely able to feel pain then. A sudden shake from her fingers sent the broken glasses against the wall, but before she could do something else, Ono had already pulled a few bandages, antibiotic crème and gausses for the wound.

“It’s something that troubles you Akane-chan?” Asked the doctor again. The girl wanted to cry in his arms like she always does on this situations, but there was a numbness she wasn’t able to explain expanding all over her body. It was almost like if her life was this surreal existence where nothing moved forward but stayed frozen in time, repeating the same scene day after day.

“I, um. No Sensei, I just lost track of my mind for a second.” Said the girl with a big blush and hoping the doctor wouldn’t think how clumsy she was even if it was true. Her eyes stayed down at all times until the doctor pulled her chin up, cheering the girl with all manner of smiles and corny, outdated jokes.

She smiled back thanks to his tries, cleaning that tear off her face and repeating the different areas where pressure points she studied were more important as a way to come back into reality. “By the way. A new patient is coming tomorrow after a colleague of mine referred him to me.”

“He apparently knows you from somewhere and as he was rushed into the hospital this past Sunday, Doctor Tanaka gave me a call from Tokyo general.” When Ono explained that was the reason he needed to hire her, Akane began to wonder who from all the people she knew could have fallen ill.

The doctor went ahead with the rest of the patients who began to pile up in that tiny welcoming room, agitated by the daily activities around town. “Take the books with you and go home Akane-chan, I should be fine for now, but remember, tomorrow will be another day.”

She bowed respectfully before her Sensei, leaving him alone despite so many injured, but mostly because Ono knew these were regular problems unlike the bigger one coming up the next day. For the first time in so long the youngest Tendo walked the streets of Nerima without a care in the world.

There may have been youngsters enjoying the first day of summer, but for her, responsibilities were goals she wanted to meet head on, forgetting even her rivals looking to take Ranma from her grasp.

“I see someone is cheating openly.” Said a voice Akane recognized instantly. It was Ukyo carrying a basket on her hand and apparently going to the market for provisions.

“I am not cheating Ukyo, Dr. Tofu just so happen to let me go on my first day, but look at all the stuff I need to study.” Replied the girl while showing her a giant book she had been reading so far.

The Okonomiyaki chef found her casual depreciation for keeping Ranma strange, but for some time now the girl began to see not a rival or an enemy, but someone who began to see things how they were. A blush and a tiny smile made the teen with a giant spatula on her back easier to deal with and after a while two friends talked mostly about their needs than what that pigtailed boy meant for them.

They walked to a point where the market and a straight line to the Dojo merged in the middle of town. Both stopped by a park nearby, sitting for a moment and sharing what they felt for the very first time. “So, the jackass of Ryoga is not visiting you as often?” Asked Ukyo somewhat taken by the news.

Akane felt that his absence was caused by her somehow, but without a chance to see him and talk, there was no way she could be sure of it. “I see. Well, at least he isn’t going all crazy like before right?” The remark made the raven haired teen tilt her head puzzled, but as the chef began to explain how ridiculous Ryoga became with his feelings for her, Akane started to see a pattern.

“That must be it!” Said the girl with a smack of her closed fist on her open palm. “It’s been a year since that stupid wedding happened, and that’s when I saw him last.” Both girls began to come clean after the several attempts the lost boy did over the girl.

Akane knew deep down how Ryoga felt about her, but there was more in life than what she expected from him, or even Ranma. “I know what you meant Ukyo, but lately I’ve been thinking about all this trouble over marriages and debts, and I’m starting to believe there’s more for me than to fight you or Shampoo for Ranma well into my forties.”

“Y-Yeah, I guess you’re right in that point.” Admitted the Cook with prejudice. “I accepted to push Ran-chan with the goal to make him chose me, but honestly, time is moving fast and business are what drives me in life.”

Ukyo stood up, told Akane that the plan stayed in route until Ranma could budge, but sooner rather than later, either her or Shampoo would try to make this the one and only opportunity to have him for good. “Think it over Akane-san, and stick to it, because I want my life whole just as much as you, and Ran-chan will be mine once and for all.”

The chef left her white flag behind, walking towards the market where several ingredients and seafood for her Okonomiyaki recipes could be fresh and tasty. The raven haired teen realized this wasn’t so much a threat, but a warning that the last fight for the pigtailed boy was about to become the real deal.

Akane restarted towards the Dojo as well. She knew this plan to force Ranma could backfire in the end, but before she could think about the pigtailed boy as a long term goal to work on, the wind blowing Sakura leaves everywhere sent her a vibe something else was about to happen soon.

-o-o-o-o-

On the Neko-hanten the ambiance began to feel tense at the very least. For the first time in months Cologne herself was actually busting and serving plates on the crowded restaurant filled with workers assisting over the new aqueduct being built near town.

She was happy with the customers and the nice income, but what made the elder seethe in anger was her part-time employee who kept missing work almost every morning. “Where could that good for nothing Mousse be?” Tried again the old lady while juggling ramen and other platters all over the place.

A few rings from a certain bicycle relieved the boss from the eatery when not only Shampoo but a pigtailed girl arrived in the precise time she needed help the most. “Oh, son-in-law, you are just in time. Here, take this to table three and these to table six.” Ordered Cologne distractedly.

“Wha? . . .Hey, no!, I didn’ come ta work here, I’m lookin’ for.” But the redhead wasn’t able to finish her sentence when several coins flew on top of those tables as tips and seasoned men seemed to like her a lot. Her eyes sparkled by the money easily earned after she had tried being Cologne’s waitress in the past, and when she thought about it more carefully, everyone back at home wanted the girl to have a job as well.

Ranma prompted the orders hastily to their determined places, acquiring almost seven thirteen hundred yen all through the morning and almost at noon. Once lunchtime was finished and the workers began to scatter back to the construction site, a busy redhead puffed tired, but richer than how she had come four hours ago.

“Oh son-in-law, it’s so good for you to take an interest into your new business. You know once you marry my Shampoo, riches are but the smallest of rewards awaiting for you.” Cheered the elder Amazon while skipping towards the kitchen.

Ranma suddenly snapped from his greedy looking stares towards the massive pack of coins hanging from his pants, keeping all the money to herself, but going back to her original endeavor. “I didn’ come here ta work old ghoul, I’m lookin’ fer Ryoga. Have you seen him?” Asked the teen trying to unlock the purple haired girl from her arm.

“Oh that useless boy. I’m afraid he and Mousse are working together in some type of deal regarding the local school.” Cologne raved angrily about the lost boy taking her waitress/cook/busboy from doing his job, ranting that the last time she caught them together, the pair didn’t look too normal by Nerima’s standards.

“Fine, whatever. Where did you see them last shriveled mummy?” Asked the boy in a hurry, glad to see the elder scalding her great-granddaughter into cleaning the kitchen.

“Last I saw them, they were behind the school, a few feet closer to the canal.” The elder could have tried to convince Ranma into staying and help the rest of the day, but a certain concern was easily seen on her features about the duck boy and Ryoga. “Bring me that darn boy when you find them son-in-law. There are a lot of chores left waiting for him the rest of the day.” Said lastly before watching the pigtailed teen vanish from view.

As Ranma cruised from roof to roof, that face Cologne did last gave him so many things to think about, she began to feel queasy. Ryoga had been acting weird ever since he left Nerima almost a year ago. The letter he sent to Akane worried him a lot too, but hearing Cologne say that he worked with Mousse about his tests, somehow made the redhead fume in anger.

After a few tries she manage to hear the lost boy shout at the duck boy from a distance. When she moved close enough to peek through the bushes, both boys were arduously fighting with everything they got.

“Damn it Mousse. Keep coming at me no matter if you ran out of weapons!” Scolded the fanged boy at a tired teen. Ranma watched and felt Mousse going at him with every bit of strength, dishing much more advanced martial art techniques and avoiding the surprisingly less powerful attacks from Ryoga.

“Good!. You are holding up much longer. Keep at it and you should do fine.” When the relentless punches the circus boy threw at Ryoga almost knocked him out of his defensive stance, the lost boy accepted defeat, stopping the match next and walking towards the tent where a stack of books laid on the side.

“Ok, we practiced enough. Time for you to help me study, and then you can take me back home.” Mousse agreed with the plan, but something else made Ranma frown worriedly. The young Chinese teen walked near the lost boy, murmuring something so outrageous into his ear, Ryoga jumped away from him scared.

“No!. I told you already. I did that as a test only, and when you saw me, I was barely able to stop you.” As he walked towards the big metal drum boiling water on top of a fire, Ryoga took everything off and jumped in it for a well deserved bath, ignoring Mousse‘s pouts while concentrating more not get burned.

Oddly enough Ranma found his nude body funny to look at, wondering how nervously would the lost boy look if Akane or someone else were to walk here and watch him naked. The redhead thought for a second about a possible prank, maybe luring some girls here and laugh at his expense, but yet again, that feeling she felt over the fanged teen reproached those thoughts away.

She berated herself instantly, but decided to stay a bit longer hidden before announcing herself to the pair. After a while the water was replaced, and Mousse went in. They changed normally and went after the books which bored Ranma to no end.

When she saw Mousse pry over other stuff surely bored just like her, Ryoga decided to leave the studies for later, showing the teen with thick glasses that strange metallic box he had been hiding all this time. “And you say he saw the box and tried to reach for it?” Asked the duck cursed teen interested.

“Yeah.” Answered Ryoga tensely. “I was so afraid he could find out what I have here, but I managed to take it out of his reach before he could pry it open.” Said the lost boy matter-of-factly. Ranma saw several pieces of paper they shared from the box. That’s when she decided to walk in and surprise them.

As she began to slowly pace forward, it seemed like they were pictures of someone. Her steps became loud enough for them to hear, and when Mousse promptly stood up and ran to meet the redhead, an increasingly nervous Ryoga fought to keep those clippings inside the lockbox fast enough before Ranma could seen them.

“What are you doing here Ranma!?” Asked Mousse while opening his oversized sleeves and giving Ryoga enough time to be ready.

“Get off man!. What the hell are you hidin’ from me!?” Retorted angrily the girl, shoving the boy aside and lunging towards Ryoga just as a click told the girl the lockbox was already secured and set away from her hands. “What the hell Ryoga!?. First you send a letter to ’kane confessin’ all that stuff ’bout the curse, an’ now yer hidin’ stuff from me?. . .What gives?” Demanded angrily the redhead.

She could have gone and pry the box by force, but this was her best friend who she had always trusted in the past, and that stupid feeling kept pushing the girl to act nice despite the way they had always acted as rebellious rivals.

Ranma waited impatiently for an answer, but the girl began to see him way too shy and keeping his eyes from looking straight at her. “What’s goin’ on man?. Why haven’ you come home?” Asked again the teen.

Ryoga took a deep breath, pushing the box aside and forcing his eyes towards the girl. “You may not know or care to find out, but I have been talking with a friend of mine, and she has explained me many things about Akane-san.”

“She is kind and very wise. When I told her about the different stuff Akane-san has done to me, she told me to break that relationship for good, and to come clean with her, if possibly face to face, but if I can’t, she said to at least write her about it.” When he turned away from the girl, Ranma kept thinking who could that mystery woman wrongly advising him be, but no one came to mind.

A moment later the redhead found a certain need to be around the confused boy. She walked near Ryoga, sitting at his side and trustingly grab his shoulder. “I don’ know who this woman is Ryoga, but you need ta talk with Akane now. She’s too worried ’bout you. . .Hell, we all are.” Said a bit shyly the girl.

Ryoga felt the trembling motion her hand made over his shoulder, that’s when he turned around and for the first time after that incident on the tent changed something in them, the lost boy crossed sights with the girl, creating an electrostatic field they weren’t able to explain.

“I-I.” Stuttered Ryoga trying to come with terms with that feeling. Suddenly the air became hard to breathe in, forcing Ryoga’s lips to shut frozen while a giant blush on Ranma’s features scared the girl so much, she jumped a few feet away from him, keeping a safe distance from Ryoga and holding the hand she had over his shoulder as if she had been burned somehow.

That reaction was too much to handle for Ryoga as well, and as he twirled around trying to hide his flustered face, his teeth bared in anger at his own stupidity, leaving him with no other option but to concede with her demands. “I-I’m going to the Dojo tomorrow, Ok?. In the meantime just leave me alone man.”

Ryoga took his books, and left into the tent where he zipped it up and stayed in the rest of the day. Mousse wanted to talk to him, but the redheaded girl mentioned how angry Cologne was, forcing the teen to leave towards the Neko-hanten.

“Tell me Mousse. What’s goin’ on with Ryoga?” Wondered Ranma to a snickering teen who could barely accept a big transformation Ryoga was going through and no one else had known until now.

“Oh, a lot of stuff is going on Ranma, but it’s not me you should ask about it. Besides. You have no idea all the changes Ryoga is going through lately.” The myopic teen kept his vacillating smile the rest of the way home, taunting the redhead with the reality only he had seen so far.

A few hours later Ryoga Hibiki walked with his tent and other belongings well kept on his backpack. He swore to never deal with the Tendo’s again, and as he skipped town trying to forget forbidden feelings, a hand stopped him from leaving as it turned him around and took him back to town.

“You have a test to take Ryoga-san, and remember. I promised to help you make a better life once and for all, and I always keep my promises.” Said that strange lady, guiding Ryoga back towards his old house.

When the fanged teen stood by the entrance, he begged the woman to please stay the night with him. Obviously on a separate room, and away from each other. “Thank you Ryoga-san. I may take up on your offer, but I cannot be seen alone with a boy. You understand my predicament, right?”

Ryoga nodded at his guest, taking the woman into the second floor and giving a key for the lock which opened only from the inside. “You should feel safer this way.” Said the teen awkwardly staring at the floor.

The woman praised his good manners, leaving the teen safely secured with a rope around his waist, and closing the door next as she left him for the night. Ryoga slowly used the different colored lines he had worked to lead him around his own home, guiding him to the room downstairs and before he closed the door for the day, a simple good night salute was the last conversation between the two.

“Have a good night, Mrs. Saotome.”



Please let me know how bad am I doing so far. Thanks.

HibikiRed wrote:“Damn it Ranma!. Y-Your chest is falling freely on top of me. . .Do you have any idea what kind of damage that image can do to a single guy like. . .L-Like me!?” Said the teen lastly just as his nose began to drip blood against his will.

This is still way too verbose for the situation and it loses any impact or forcefulness.

Do you see the difference between
Ryoga "Ranma I don't like that you are doing this and would prefer if you moved away."
and
Ryoga "Knock it off Ranma, you prick!"

In the strength of the reaction?

Of course Ryoga darted away from such compromising position, running at the other side of the tent even when they were mere inches from each other while cleaning his face without opening his eyes. The redheaded misfit found his prudish innocence so intoxicating, the girl had no other choice but to laugh out loud. Sweet syrupy tones and pouting faces the boy refused to look at were all the excuse Ranma used to tell him how much she enjoyed his respectful demeanor.

“I should kill you for this you idiot.” Said Ryoga exasperated. Thankfully the loud rain hitting the tent muffled his screams and her snickering laughs. When Ranma half apologized for her actions, the next few seconds became excruciatingly slow and torturous for the fanged teen after the girl decided to keep the joke going.

“Are you sure you’re decent Ranma?” Asked Ryoga a third time. When the girl reassured him she was covered, the fanged teen peeked indirectly at her feet, tired to be caught watching at her ample chest two times in a row. When Ranma found his shy stares too funny to let go, the redhead pushed his forehead up, forcing him to see, but in the last moment Ryoga was thrown on his back just as he held tightly from her shoulders trying not to fall.

That’s when it happened. It was a surreal feeling for both for some strange and incredible reason. Ryoga could do nothing but be mesmerized by the anatomic part he had never actually seen in a woman before while Ranma showed a rebellious nature she so desperately needed to let out after the latest fights with Akane and the others drove her insane.

This was just steam highly compressed in the redheaded teen’s head for so long to release, but when the fanged boy peeled his eyes from such majestic view, his honey hued orbs darted towards her own blue ones, scaring her so deeply the girl blushed furiously by the close contact . Both jumped to each side from the tent for as far as the nylon walls could stretch, one looking at the ground ashamed while the girl covered immediately with the mat where the pot resided.

The tiny square made of lead and fabric didn’t do much to cover anything though, and as the boy saw her nervous glances at her sudden nakedness, Ryoga dug into the pile of clothes, offering at the girl the only shirt he had clean for the day.

“What the hell was that!. I was in control an’ all this was just for fun, then why did I feel so ashamed an’ weird ta be naked in front of him?” Berated the girl internally at the same time she dressed into the shirt anyway. When Ryoga looked up after she said everything was ok, his nose began to slowly bleed again without his consent.

Still not a fan of such overly exhibitionist teasing without a shred of lead up. I know your thing is Ranma/Ryoga pairings but there's no setup to explain Ranma's attitude shift.

That made Ranma blush intensely even more. She bent her knees and left her feet to the side like one of those sexy poses models do on a calendar, but as she inspected her sitting position, the green shirt barely covering her slender legs made both teens recognize that old scene where a woman in love sleeps with her man and in the next morning she walks all over the house dressed with nothing but his long shirt.

“I-I guess it looks like you an’ I.” Stuttered Ranma before pausing for a moment, mostly caught by her own appalling thought to be his girl waking up dressed like that. “Y-You an’ I, um.” She didn’t dare to say another word, specially when the lost boy kept staring at her terrified.

Out of place reference and the more I think about it, the less likely it is for them to both to leap to that. Reference would work better as someone else seeing them and pointing it out.

You'll need to correct that Akane wasn't tutoring Ryoga because you state in the second section that she hasn't seen him for a year.

And this is chapter 2. Not sure if I need to post it here or on another thread though.

Should have posted this in a second reply. I'll get to it eventually but from an initial reading the Nodoka thing is worse than the Akane/Ukyo/Shampoo teaming up thing. So drastically out of place for her character.

Also, Tofu is not some general practitioner, he's quite specialized in non-standard medicine practices, even then letting some random girl interact with patients would be quite a big no no. If Akane is working there she'd likely be doing something hands off without needing any kind of outfit. When Shampoo showed up she was assisting him but her knowledge of shiatsu and likely many other 'traditional' chinese medicines at least has a background/reference from Cologne to justify it.

I'm sorry LawOhki, I have this knack to start a story without the whole background and slowly build the reasons why characters are stuck on that precise situation along the next chapters. So far, the idea for me to accept Ranma as an item for Ryoga is only if Ryoga becomes somehow a girl, making the pair fair in my eyes. I will try to explain how he curses himself and the after shock from doing so.

In fact, I tried to hint how Mousse found out indirectly about Ryoga being part time girl and how he tried to date her during that year the lost boy was away from Nerima. Of course all this stuff is not supposed to be read this early, and I just want people to get a hint on without actually guessing the whole plot from the story. Mrs. Saotome will play a big role in Ryoga's choice to court Ranma but I will explain that in chapter three.

It's kind of messed up the way I think and that may not attract readers, but I can't write it any other way, forgive me if I am doing it wrong. About the forcefully manner Ranma still acts, well, I want them to have a certain spark thanks to so many tricks Ranma has played on Ryoga. I still believe that the redhead has acted pretty forward and even sexually charged during her encounters with the lost boy.

There are certain details I can't get out of my head like the way she clamped her legs around Ryoga's torso during the locker room scene. C'mon, you can't tell me that closeness wasn't pretty Risque. Or when they "made out" behind the tree during the Fiancee episode on the Anime. I could go on with so many sexual charged moments between the two that neither Kuno or any other character have deal with on either the Manga or the Anime, and I know you are the expert here, and that you will counter every example with a natural explanation, so, that's why I apologize.

Thanks so much since you're still helping me with my story even though I have seen you busy with your own story and must have little time to review others. I hope I won't disappoint as the chapters go on, but if I do, at least I know I had good friends correcting me along the way.

Oops, I just realized what you mean over the first comment.

Yes, I guess I have a tendency to still use a lot of words to explain a situation, thus ruining the feeling behind the scene. Ill correct that, thanks a lot!

HibikiRed wrote:I'm sorry LawOhki, I have this knack to start a story without the whole background and slowly build the reasons why characters are stuck on that precise situation along the next chapters. So far, the idea for me to accept Ranma as an item for Ryoga is only if Ryoga becomes somehow a girl, making the pair fair in my eyes. I will try to explain how he curses himself and the after shock from doing so.

Really, please do not do that. Seriously.

Duplicate curses are a cheap and horrible excuse for making characters "perfect" for each other. It's the opposite of being deep or meaningful. You're basically saying that it's not Ryoga who is a good fit for Ranma but the girl curse itself. You've set Ryoga up to try and make positive changes in his life, have those changes be the reason that Ranma gets interested and the two can become a couple.

In fact, I tried to hint how Mousse found out indirectly about Ryoga being part time girl and how he tried to date her during that year the lost boy was away from Nerima.

Mousse is 100% obsessed with Shampoo. There really is no justifiable reason for him to even show interest in a female Ryoga unless he momentarily confused Ryoga-chan with Shampoo because his glasses were off.

Of course all this stuff is not supposed to be read this early, and I just want people to get a hint on without actually guessing the whole plot from the story. Mrs. Saotome will play a big role in Ryoga's choice to court Ranma but I will explain that in chapter three.

What possible reason could Nodoka see for suggesting a man court her son? When did the two even meet? How did Ryoga make such a good impression that she not only decides to help him out with schooling but says "hey you might be a good match for my son"?

It's kind of messed up the way I think and that may not attract readers, but I can't write it any other way, forgive me if I am doing it wrong. About the forcefully manner Ranma still acts, well, I want them to have a certain spark thanks to so many tricks Ranma has played on Ryoga. I still believe that the redhead has acted pretty forward and even sexually charged during her encounters with the lost boy.

There are certain details I can't get out of my head like the way she clamped her legs around Ryoga's torso during the locker room scene. C'mon, you can't tell me that closeness wasn't pretty Risque. Or when they "made out" behind the tree during the Fiancee episode on the Anime. I could go on with so many sexual charged moments between the two that neither Kuno or any other character have deal with on either the Manga or the Anime, and I know you are the expert here, and that you will counter every example with a natural explanation, so, that's why I apologize.

Only thing I want you to apologize for is picking and choosing characterization from the manga and anime. While many major traits are the same, the anime dumbed down and went far more for fanservice. Which included more gags with Ryoga and Ranma-chan. I don't remember what locker room scene and I despise the anime enough that I don't know what scene the fiancee one could be.

Overall the big thing would be Ranma mostly staying within the bounds of annoying teasing. Big things where Ranma is outright being sexual should be kept to a minimum and given more importance/weight. Being flirty in the tent trying to make Ryoga check out her chest that's pushing things. Ranma going too far and giving Ryoga a full view of her crotch, full stop on that scenes momentum as they both pause and freak out over it. Overplaying such things as commonplace lessens any impact such things should have. Can even be a point of contention for them in that Ranma does it specifically when wanting to annoy Ryoga.

Thanks so much since you're still helping me with my story even though I have seen you busy with your own story and must have little time to review others. I hope I won't disappoint as the chapters go on, but if I do, at least I know I had good friends correcting me along the way.

I'm a fan of fanfiction and I don't just come here to have preview my works. You're welcome, but don't think it's stopping me from my own work, I have plenty of other distractions for that.