Understanding my stories.

This is for posting Fiction and C&C replies ONLY. Note this does not have to be a "fukufic" or even fanfiction. All completed /ready-for0review longform creative writing allowed. No posting of individual scenes; that is what the Outlines and Scenes section is for.Replying posts must give actual commentary, no "GREAT IDEA" or "THIS SUCKS".

Understanding my stories.

Postby HibikiRed » Fri Jan 23, 2015 2:35 pm

Hi, my name is Jerry and I'm 43 years old.

I have written several pieces about Ranma Saotome and Ryoga HIbiki as a couple with the difference that I believe them to be straight. . .So, Either Ranma is our beloved redhead, or Ryoga manages to de-curse from P-Chan and now turns into a girl as well which happens to keep Ranma from the other fiancees.

Anyway. I have learned several rules and tricks with the goal to make an enjoyable piece to read, the problem is that, well. . .For starters, I am not a naturally born American, so my English, although good enough to speak, it lacks on my grammar when written. I have practiced a lot and I try to make sense from what I write, but I still sense I lack a lot.

Right now I'm writing "Redemption: Sins of a father." ( https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10926843/1 ... f-a-father ) Which compliments or is the sequel from "Life lessons: sins of a mother" ( https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10622716/1 ... f-a-mother ).

I just posted chapter 5 last night, and I am posting every weekend since I went ahead and wrote about half the chapters by now. (I'm in chapter 15 right now).

I am going to post chapter 6 here and see if there is any feedback, good or bad, that can help me learn further about grammar and sentence arrangement. Oh!. . .Almost forget. . .I didn't know what Beta meant until a friend explained that term to me. I Beta my own work so if there are too many errors well. . .That is entirely my fault, thanks.



Chapter 6[b][/b]


“Why!. . .” That was the question lingering in Ryoga’s mind and the one loud word echoing across the empty forest devoid of any animals or life. “I never meant for this to happen. . .I. . .I just wanted him to shut up and leave me alone!” Screamed next a girl with painful tears running across her cheeks.

It all happened two days ago when Akemi explained her grandfather’s sad story about his upbringing to her mother. “It all started when grandpa was fourteen mom. He met this other boy by the name of Soun Tendo, and after they became the best of friends both witnessed a mob chasing a short man across the land.”

The little girl counted excitedly how Genma and Soun stared dumfounded at the old man moving and darting all over the place with grace and assuredly steps, using powerful tricks, and gadgets they had only seen in old comics referring to ninjas and the old Japanese legends.

“Grandpa and his friend begged him to take them into his school and that old man did so, branding them as his only two official disciples.” The little girl was so enthusiastically enthralled with the tale, she could barely stop during their daily training or meals along the day, filling her mother with every vivid detail she could come up with about the life Genma had to live out of necessity.

“He told me their old master taught them many techniques about the art, the only problem they had was that most of the work grandpa practiced as training was based on keeping Happosai away from trouble, the hardest part was always the infamous reputation they ended up holding because of it.”

Unable to shake her daughter’s pressing tale from most of the free time they had left as a family, Ryoga opted for paying attention in every detail about her worst enemy’s life, rolling her eyes defeated but admitting this had to be the only way to end the torture. Just like every human being hoping to survive on his own, the now bold man fought to make his mark in this world, and by doing so, the poor man did sign his soul over the worst of man a young mind could use as a teacher.

Back then Happosai was more important than now. His prowess as a thief and a rider spread all over Japan and most of the northern countries, and even when Ryoga denied it at first, her daughter assured the fanged girl that old and tiny man was nearly four hundred years old. “He was a young man at the same age of an Amazon warrior who grandpa said, trained you in the art of the Bakusai-Tenketsu.”

Her daughter explained how Happi, like he loved to be called, would often sneak into the bathhouses near provinces in Tokyo, absorbing his life energy from young maidens assisting those public places. “At that time it seems Cologne rejected grandpa’s master by using the same move dad knows, sending the tiny master away.” As she said this Ryoga concluded that she was referring about the Hiryu-Shoten-Ha Ranma learned during the moxibustion incident.

“Since then, the old master set his mind into stealing everything from the Amazons. . .artifacts, scrolls and even the same secret move that girl used to break up with him.” The story moved ahead from Happosai’s love life to Ryoga’s relief, and instead it took a turn for the worse when Genma begged his master to teach him that technique specifically.

“It will take everything you own. . .Your feelings and your kin for it to work. Are you sure you want to learn it boy?” Repeated in a forced lower voice the little girl, imitating a threatening master speaking menacingly at his disciple. “That’s what his master asked him mom. . .He challenged him to shed everything merely honorable like love and pride for a family in exchange for that powerful attack.”

“Of course grandpa accepted, that’s how he began to train into the ascending dragon punch dad knows by mastering first another art his master stole as a preparation for the ultimate move.” Then, out of nowhere the little girl looked downcast at the ground, finding herself overcome with guilt and sadness when her grandfather said how he failed to even achieve the first preparatory technique, negating his chance to try the second and more powerful attack, and loosing Happosai‘s trust over his determination.

“Mom. . .Happosai was furious after seeing his pupil fail time after time. Grandpa said dad was able to master that technique a long time ago which shamed him at the same time it made him the proudest man on earth, but his failure made him try all his life.” As she said this, Ryoga knew Akemi was going to reveal Genma’s terrible secret so she waited patiently and leaned over in a more attentive manner.

“What did Mr. Saotome told you Kemi-chan?” Asked the girl trying to focus on the kid the most. “Mom. . .I don’t really know how that technique works, but grandpa called it “soul of ice”. He was supposed to shed all feelings whatsoever.”

“When he failed, his master decided to confide him with the other scrolls from the Anything goes school, but I think they were more like jokes written on ancient scrolls. Still, that was the best way grandpa found to redeem himself and he did so, but the regret to never master the soul of ice made him the man he is now.”

That was the damn explanation escaping not only Ryoga, but Ranma and his mother‘s understanding over Genma‘s unscrupulous education with his son. Genma was passionate, explained once Nodoka at the fanged girl, but the boy back then was jut like a young Ryoga wandering the world with no master to call his own. Add to that the chance to learn a powerful technique and fail trying to achieve it, and the result could be what Genma Saotome had become all these years. . .A coward and a weak minded fool.

“That’s why he showed so much contempt for Ranma even when he was his son!” Agreed the fanged mother. “He must have tried to master the soul of ice technique by discarding all matter of feelings towards his loved ones.” The nineteen year old girl had been moving around as the story moved along, but once she began to connect the dots, a lot of things made sense once she started to fill in the gaps.

“Mr. Saotome wanted to be like Happosai, and I guess his example meant to test his will with Ranma’s upbringing. . .No wonder the old man sold him for a cup of rice, besides throwing him into a pit filled with cats. . .He was practicing the soul of ice at the same time he trained Ranma mercilessly.” Ryoga really wanted to see a victim in Genma’s shoes after the sad story her daughter just told, but it was just so much damage this man had done over the years, she wondered if even Nodoka would forgive him after all this time.

“Mom. . .Grandpa learned bad stuff from his master with the goal to become strong. Shouldn’t that help him make it up to everyone. . .It wasn’t all his fault.” When she said this, Ryoga had already guessed Akemi’s tactic was to soften her heart enough to make a strong case for Genma’s forgiveness. It was tempting, after all, she did some huge mistakes in the past and Ranma forgave her without a doubt.

“Let me think it over honey. . .I will talk with Kang and ask him what he knows about. . .Um, your grandfather. Afterwards I’ll decide if he deserves another chance.” It was a long shot, Akemi thought hopefully, but what made the little girl’s face lit was the pause her mom used before calling Genma, “Her grandfather”.

“Ok mom. . .If you need me, I’ll be with grandpa. . .” Said the kid just as the woman walked in search of Dr. Kang.

That had happened two days ago, right before all this mess had a dying Genma stretched on a medical bed with bruises all over his body and a gushing wound directly on his chest. The reason why barely register in Ryoga’s mind at the moment, darting the young woman’s mind back into the past again. . .This time twenty-four hours ago.

She had found every detail about Genma and his tragic encounter with Happosai from other files. Fortunately it had been recorded when the school found the old master mixed with Amazons and other people interested in Jusenkyo. At the time, he was no more than a thief snatching underwear and making a living hell for the occasional young maiden, but above all the deranged acts he performed over unsuspecting girls, they managed to see him as more than just a nuisance when so many secrets he upheld from the Amazons could be obtained for research purposes.

“Here you go. . .Nearly one hundred and three years of research about Happosai. He is an interesting fellow, that’s for sure, but one I never felt the need to investigate. Still, the school has a watchful eye on most, if not all the super-powered fighters in these parts.” Ryoga knew that as well, that’s why she betted in Kang’s access into the faculty’s personal files, giving her all the material she needed to implement her plan. “I know that Kang. . .What do you think I need you so much. I have a certain someone I need to track and you are the only one capable to find him for me.”

They had already talked about this other subject, so the doctor simply nodded and went ahead as scheduled. “Yeah. I still can’t believe you want to redeem yourself after so long, but. . .I guess every head is a different world.” Said lastly as he headed out of the recreational area with his arms raised in defeat.

“So far Genma has told the truth. Happosai is a registered offender and his two disciples made most of the capture posts photos all over Japan. . .Poor man, this must be a terrible blow in his already deflated ego.” Commented the girl only to herself. After all the evil things the old man did over the years, including his desire to kill Ryoga and her baby, the fanged mother began to see a pattern just like the one Ranma and herself had all their lives.

“As long as he is family, there must be a way to solve this. Someday I will meet my family and what am I going to tell them if I fail to forgive his faults. . .Nah. . .Ranma would never forgive mine if he were to hear this.” Thought the girl with the same burden chained over her neck. To her children’s dismay, the young Hibiki mother developed a dependence of sorts so strong towards her spouse, Ranma Saotome, that the girl began to deviate from her feelings for the pigtailed father and that too was a terrible sin Ryoga had to work on her own.

At first, it was a simple case of rivalry and competitiveness, but as the pigtailed boy began to leave Ryoga behind, the fanged teen saw his friend staring down at his efforts. Herb and the Musk came next and with him, the gap between their powers broaden a lot. He found no way to measure up to his now friend and ally, so. . .When Saffron made his appearance all hell broke lose and the lost boy became nothing more than a second rate helper. . .Like Mousse.

Years later both fighters duck it out more often than not, but Ryoga always managed to see his friend holding back. . .Bidding his time with jokes and taunts goading his less than threatening handicap as a warrior. When Ryoga thought about all this, a hidden truth finally sneaked past all her mental guards. . .The now cursed girl began to gape at the idea, letting her mind wander into that forbidden part and slowly letting the sensation come back into view.

“That’s why I was so pumped when I got Ranma pregnant!. . .I had lost all his respect and pride to be called an ally that the accident prompted me into someone who could outsmart and defeat my greatest enemy in the only thing he is incapable to fight back. . .Well. . .until now of course. He kind of went all ballistic on me and got me pregnant with two children no less.”

No more thoughts encompassed her head after that sad memory. Whatever Ryoga did to show her worth was always thwarted by a stronger and smarter Ranma outdoing any ill conceived effort on her part. She became intimate with Ranma by accident seven years ago, and before everything would go out of hand the pigtailed fighter managed to pay the favor by impregnating her with twins.

A scoff left her regretful lips by then, deciding to leave her rivalry for when she would be free, and instead focus on the matter at hand. “Focus!. . .Right now is Mr. Saotome I should be worrying about. . .” Said the girl somewhat loud enough for a shadow pining a feet away to walk into the light.

“An’ why would you have ta worry ’bout me. . .Girl.” Replied sternly the bald man. Both Ryoga and Genma stared at each other for some time, measuring each other like any other fighter would before the battle. The man could barely show any emotion after the reflection from the light outside covered his eyes with those old glasses he had on.

“I said. . .Why would ya haft ta worry ’bout me. An’ for that matter. . .Why’d you think I’d care. . .Girl. . .” There was it again. That derogatory term he always used to keep Ranma under his thumb. The simple word “girl” in his vocabulary was a slew of adjectives and shameful examples Ryoga found too hard to avoid.

“If you ever call me a girl again. . .I’ll. . .” But nothing much could be said next when the older man slid across the floor in seconds, defying his already tired physical state and standing there, inches away from a surprised girl.

“Get this through your thick head. . .Girl.” His words had an edge by then, cutting through the air and landing sharply into her ears like blades slashing away her sanity. “Long ago, I considered you a pest. Someone who deceived M’boy an’ one who turned him into somethin’ I dreaded even since he was cursed.”

“I knew that female form slowly ate him into that bimbo flaunting his body for all ta see. Tell me. . .Girl. Do you really think I didn’ see beyond his parlor tricks and stupid behavior. . .I am his father!. . .I may have had my own problems tryin’ ta raise him, but he became a man thanks ta me.”

This time Ryoga let the man get closer to her face, doing nothing until her last ounce of patience could be well spent. “Then you came an’ turned him into that worthless pregnant girl. Can you imagine the pain an’ the shame ta see him as a man. . .No, Girl. You can’t!. . .My boy doubted who he really was an’ slowly became what you are now. . .A lonely and weak girl. . .”

That pretty much did it. Ryoga felt the blood in her veins boil from the way he talked, not only against her own choices, but at the ones Ranma had taken with so much fear and difficulty. “That does it!” Screamed the girl as her closed fist swung around, hitting an empty wall and bouncing back from the impact.

It hurt not being able to demolish such simple obstacle after the work she did against mountains long ago, but her bared teeth and a constant scanning of the area told Ryoga her nemesis was still around ready for the fight. “You’re good old man!. . .I’ll give you that. You may have lost a chunk from your Chi during the seal on my back, but you seem to have enough to activate the Umisen-ken. . .Good, I really wanted to fight someone harder to read than my own children.”

The fight was on. In one side, Ryoga had trained all these years to develop herself as a fighter, not to mention adapt and master that new Shi energy the girl worked so hard to achieve. On the other, a proud male who resisted himself from feeling sorry for the girl and one who still had many trick up his sleeve.

Ryoga began to walk around, sliding her feet in an almost soundless motion with the goal to focus in her surroundings any vibration or change of wind capable to give her an advantage over her invisible opponent. It was faint, but she could sense the shaking of the land and the breeze yielding its currents around the man. “I can barely sense you old man. . .But. . .There’s more than just invisibility through Chi you know?”

Suddenly, the girl darted to where something hit harder against a tree. She outstretched her fist once again, hitting air just like the first time, but noticing the lose pebble adorning a patch of grass. “nice one. . .” The distraction had paid off which was immediately seen when the old man lunged at the girl from his hidden place.

It was too late for Ryoga to veer around even with her increased speed after the old man had her arms pinned with his own, and the sand paper sensation from his face closely rubbed against her more terse features. “Ugh!. . .S-Stop that!” Demanded the girl when the lock and the rubbing began to irritate her skin so much, a redness sore began to form around her chin. The struggle to release herself from the lock started to annoy Ryoga a lot, situation the Genma used to sneak more impertinent commentaries about what he thought of her.

“I may be weak after what I did ta ya, but I ain’t the innocent fool I was long ago. I have my art an’ learn this. . .Girl. Timing sometimes is more important than power or speed.” Talking this so close to the girl sent shivers down her back mostly because she wasn’t sure what was the man playing at.

“What the hell!?. . .He keeps me too close into a lock and goads me to get angry. I may not be strong like I used to, but if I tap in my Shi, sure as hell I can take him easily.” Ryoga stared into his eyes once the Judo move left both combatants facing each other. That’s when she saw something none related with vengeance or hatred. . .The fanged fighter couldn’t decipher what it was, but that damn word. . .Why was he using it on every damned sentence.

“There. . .!” Cleared the girl as her left arm loosened from his grasp. That’s when everything began to change for the worst. Ryoga began to fight him in close quarters using more sophisticated moves with either her fist, the fore-arm or the elbow making herself a formidable opponent too difficult to contain even when Genma had the upper hand.

“D-Damn girl. . .S-stop wiggling all over the place!” Demanded the old fighter trying to keep his hold until the state she forced her body into the struggle gave Genma no other option but to jump away. Ryoga finally managed to free herself, and although the annoying sensation to feel that man’s unshaved jaw all over her face left her with a big red patch of irritated skin, she refused to give up on the fight, decided to end this once and for all.

“Ok old man. . .You have your tricks and I have mine.” The decisive moment to finish in one swoop came when a strange, yet alluring wave of black and green waving mass started to envelop Ryoga’s right arm. She knew this new energy was devastating and only her son or daughter were capable to match it’s destructive effects, but this was enough. Genma tried to understand what was he seeing on the girl though. He tilted his head when there was no reading from his senses towards a Chi powered attack, forcing the man to be on his toes.

“I don’ know what are you playin’ at girl, but there ain’t no power before that flashy move. Come at me whenever you like, I’m sure that fancy attack won’ work on the likes of me.” Said lastly the man while setting himself in position.

Ryoga snarled one last time at her enemy, enraged for taking lightly years of practice over the most powerful technique she had ever developed and despite her reluctant choice to proceed when the old man had no idea what would happen, anger blinded the fanged fighter from stopping. “That’s it!. . .I can’t take it old man. Call me a failure, call me a freak if you want, but why on earth do you keep referring to me as a weak girl. . .That stings so bad, I can’t forgive you anymore!!”

The second she sprinted towards the man crawled into a slow motion scene, showing a tired old man vexing all his strength into the Umisen-ken while powering up his own chi based blast. It was a one shot deal and he knew the girl might end up, if not dead, really, really hurt.

But something else happened before he could vanish from existence. Genma saw a wad of mud release from the girl’s closed fist directly at his chest. It didn’t blind him from the trajectory it had been thrown, but it was just as bad when despite turning himself away, the stain still kept him under her radar a few seconds later.

“Gotcha!!” Screamed the girl, and that’s when everything broke lose. She meant to punch him. . .To sent him straight against the forest and maybe break a few trees along his path, but that unrestrained rage was something she couldn’t control, something inside of her flashed red and the black with green waves took form of a sharp object. . .Perhaps a blade?.

When that split second returned to a regular ticking timeframe, the girl had Genma pinned to a tree. She barely understood the coppery taste in the air and the red blotch on the old man’s Gi, but it was real the second she saw a tiny stream of blood run on the corner of his mouth.

Her eyes began to trace her arm towards her closed fist enveloped in what it looked like a thick short-sword embedded half its length into the man’s chest. Her eyes moved again. . .This time staring at the almost lifeless man smugly smiling at her, specially when her golden hued orbs trembled in fear.

“I. . .I-I. . .I didn’t mean to. . .” Stuttered Ryoga, unable to either pull the blade or keep it in there, afraid that a profusely bleeding torrent may explode from the open wound. The man did the unthinkable right in that moment, grabbing the fearful girl’s chin and raising it into his gaze. “Why do you regret this. . .Girl. Can’. . .Cough, cough!. . .C-Can’ you see I deserve this an’ more?. . .Let me be an’ walk. . .W-Walk away. . .Daughter. . .”

That last word sounded so strange in her echoing mind. Ryoga began to panic at what she had done, not so much because it was her first time someone got killed by her hand, but because it finally dawned in her interpretation of the word “girl” what he really meant by using it.

“Kemi-chan talked to him about my life. . .Think Ryoga. . .What would I do if I were an idiot who believes in honor and manly pride, but wants to redeem himself in the end.” The fanged girl started to pull her fist away from the tree carefully, hoping to avoid her blade from leaving the wounded man, but as her fear set in, the rage induced sword vanished, leaving behind an open palm trying to stop the bleeding flood by all means.

No time to waste, thought the girl, running with all her speed and carrying an almost dead man into the lab in a matter of seconds. The doctors were able to strap him at a bed, setting the IV into his arm while several nurses used anesthetic gausses and clippers to contain the hemorrhage. Two hours later the old man had been saved, but stayed over night in critical condition and this is the moment when a scared girl screamed to the winds on that forest the word “Why. . .”

It was almost four in the morning when another soul walked in on the confused girl. It was Dr. Kang wandering why was she so distressed after all the evil that man did to her family. “So. . .Am I missing something in this fit of paid revenge?” Asked the man as he shared a cup of hot tea with the girl.

“I-I don’t know Kang. I really wanted him to die for everything he did, but. . .But he wasn’t looking for a fight. He actually was trying to apologize in that stupid way proud Saotome men do.” The girl scoffed disdainfully at the man, shaking her head next when she remembered the same pattern with his son. “Did you know that Ranma kissed me in front of everyone when I demanded him to behave once?. . .It’s weird, but these two think a lot alike. . .As if their damn logic mattered on any given situation without what the rest of the world might think.”

The man found the tidbit funny, chuckling at the twisted idea to fix everything with their misguided wits, but he had to admit one thing tough. “Well, what did you expect. . .Like father, like son. . .” Said the man which made the girl chuckle at the comment as well.

Still, the trembling wouldn’t stop in her arms after she almost took the life of a man without knowing first what was he tying to do after all. She had fought in the past with formidable foes, but either they were led into battles by their kings, bosses and leaders mostly against their will or forced by another situation affecting their lives.

“I know Kang, but. . .You should have seen him. He wasn’t angry at me, well. . .Not like he usually is. It was more like he had trouble expressing himself positively and instead he relied on the only word describing what I became over the years.”

“Of course, that same word was the most humiliating description he used to lower either me or Ranma into shame and defeat, that’s why I mistook “girl” as a derogative term he tried to pin on us at all times.” Ryoga then turned to see him filled with regret in her eyes during a fight that demanded determination instead. “I think by calling me a girl, he acknowledge me as a mother and a woman, and maybe he wanted to patch things up.”

Kang still believed the old man only wanted to get killed by her hands, leaving this world as a way to redeem himself from all sins and brand Ryoga as a killer, forcing the girl to live her life ashamed. “I really hope you’re right. . .That man proved a bigger pest the first months he was captured.”

“Sneaky and a cheat are two terms I ended up describing him on all my reports and believe me. . .Once a thief, always a thief.” Ryoga knew what he said rang true, but deep down she learned over the years how to be a mother and a woman, and that too warranted a big change a human being was able to endure.

“That may be true, but I need to give him the benefit of the doubt. . .If not for him, at least for my daughter who love him like a father.” Both patient and doctor stared at the big moon reigning over the land with pride a second longer, unable to react from the uncertainty until a blaring sound and a nurse forced them to run inside.

“Doctor!. . .The patient is convulsing. . .” Reported one of the young interns in charge of the dying man. A minute later, and thanks to all the loud chatting over that bed, Akemi and Kenta walked into the impeccably white room, rubbing their eyes off from their sleep and watching their mother sitting right besides Genma.

“C-C’mon you old fool!. . .Where’s the mightiest Genma Saotome when the chips are down.” Spoke tensely the girl to a man who began to linger away, slowly dropping his orbs to the back of his sockets and letting the machines beep loudly from the negative readings.

Ryoga found herself completely defenseless now, watching with uncertainty not only the death of a man who really wanted to change too late in his life, but the river of tears her daughter shed right at her side. “W-Why mom. . .He wanted to accept you. We talked for hours about your life. . .I told him. . .I-I really did!. . .And he understood.”

“He promised me to go and apologize to you even when he knew you would reject him, but he really tried. . .” Akemi was inconsolable from the loss, refusing in that precise moment Ryoga’s motherly arms long enough for the girl to accept her earlier theory was right. With a last ounce of courage. . .Maybe even wishful thinking, the young mother turned over the old man dying on that bed, decided to forgive and forget the past between the two.

“F-Fine old man. . .You got me ok!?. . .I forgive you ok. . .?” Then, her proud look fell short, dropping her yellow eyes towards the man on the bed while tapping into her own heart, hoping to truly forgive him once and for all. “D-Don’t die ok?. . .I. . .I don’t want you to die. . .F-Father. . .”

Once that word left her lips, both Akemi and Kenta stared at their mother, realizing she was being honest and together, the three Hibikis hugged each other tightly. The wish never really happened though. The machine kept beeping into a slower pace, signaling at the end a beep from his almost dead heart every other second and leaving a bitter taste in Ryoga’s mouth every time the numbers on that screen started to flat-line.

A hand grabbed the girl shoulder, grasping tightly and loosely as a way to prepare Ryoga for the inevitable, but the girl refused to just give in. “N-No!. . .I did this Kang. I took a life and I deserve this hell. . .” Said lastly as her own hand slapped his off. Minutes passed rather tasteless now, specially when the machine stopped beeping altogether, showing red zeroes where positive readings were shown early on.

He family of tree held each other closer this time, feeling with regret a man who wanted to redeem himself from all his sins. Then. . .Out of the corner of their minds, a tiny surge of energy cruised along their united bodies. It was faint, but barely noticeable for them.

“M-Mom?. . .You think we should use “it”. . .?” Asked Akemi as she wondered how their intimate link worked the strongest even when they were miles apart. “S-Sure honey. . .What else is there to try anyway. . .” The moment all three agreed, a bigger but soft hand moved from embracing her children and on top of Genma’s arm, followed by Kenta’s and lastly Akemi’s.

It was a long shot alright, but all three began to let that green and dark Shi encompass their surroundings, slowly covering the machines, the bed and ultimately that old man dead on the table. “Alright Kenta. . .Kemi-Chan. . .Focus. Don’t let sadness or pain fill you up. Let all those good memories flood into your mind. Think of grandpa when he was a nice guy. . .”

That last part was a difficult thing to do for Ryoga at first, but once you learn to see the positive side in life, it gets a lot easier as you see the small details surface over the bad. Genma is by all accounts a lazy and tedious man to deal with, but he did protected Ranma with his misguided way to see honor. He did his best and fought to marry him with Akane which in the end helped to make her life at their side whole. . .I guess, if you see things in a certain light, everything has always a silver lining. . .

The positive memories started to work. Akemi was the one with the strongest will and feelings towards her grandfather, but Kenta did spar with the old man several times and those were some of the hardest fights he was able to manage besides his mother. When Ryoga finally let go of all ill attempt to hate him, her small contribution made the Shi wavelength from all three flow in a more stable manner.

The mass of energy stopped leaking dark coloring shades, and instead green waves surrounded the four bodies. At this point Dr. Kang and his team were recording all data into their research, watching how the serene current of live energy started to pump into that body like filling its missing life-force.

“It worked. . .” Said one of the employees when a faint beep appeared on the screen. “Time!?” Screamed Kang next, followed by an intern reporting. “Fourteen minutes Dr. Kang. . .Patient zero-zero-four was dead for fourteen minutes. . .” The team saw enthralled as the three Hibiki’s began to pump almost effortlessly this time, letting their Shi flow more naturally and opening their eyes to see those black ones coming back from behind his sockets.

“Heartbeat almost normal. . .Blood pressure one-twenty over seventy-eight. . .He is getting better now!” Said excitedly another girl. “Good. . .Move the restraints and let the man breath on his own. . .Move the rest of the equipment. He should be fine now.” Asked the man in charge after respiratory machines and tubes were taken away from a dead man.

As if it was magic all the present witnesses saw Genma’s wound slowly vanish before their eyes. The healing had been successful and at the moment, a healthy old man started to come back into reality, watching first and foremost a little girl lunging at his arms.

“Grandpa!. . .You’re alive!” Screamed Akemi with a blast of tears she wasn unable to control. Kenta on the other hand turned away, cleaned his eyes but never whimpered from the scene which gained a pat from her mother on the back. “That’s my little man. . .” Said next the young mother before kissing him on the head proudly.

The little boy accepted the complement, but shone away from her hugs and kisses when other young girls smiled his way. “S-Stop it mom!. . .I’m twelve now. . .” Demanded the now teen. “Sure son. . .But you’re still my little baby, and you’ll always be. . .” Remarked Ryoga despite the blush in Kenta’s face.

When the fanged mother turned around to welcome that old fool, a silence between the two became most of the conversation. They knew what to say with simple nods and stares, but after they acknowledge each other, the devilish feeling to mess with the old man made Ryoga walk around the other side of the bed and lung at the man, hugging him just like her little girl.

“Welcome back pops. . .” That response made Genma jump violently from the bed, caring not to shove his granddaughter too hard, but remaining stoic and mad at the girl hugging him next. “If you’re goin’ ta call me that, you better earn it. . .M-M‘girl. . .” Said the man with an intimating snarl, yet a bit nervously at the end. Ryoga understood this was the best way he could express sympathy or respect, accepting the honorary as she walked out of the room.

“Sure old man. . .We’ll work on it some other time.” Scoffed the girl last. Genma decided to leave that sour taste out of his mouth by sitting next to his granddaughter, sharing with her the excitement to be alive and agreeing their plan was too risky, but it worked after all.

“See grandpa. . .Mom has a good heart. She still tries to be like daddy, but I guess that’s another thing we can work on later. . .” The old man assented at her words, finding all this so amusing, yet challenging at the same time. “I couldn’t believe it Kemi-chan, but your right, an’ as soon as I get out of this bed your mother an’ I are goin’ ta train hard ta get there. . .”

Both grandfather and child stayed behind, one watching over the other recuperation while the elder kept listening to all the sacrifices Akemi’s mother had to make for that little baby he almost killed once and these two kids.

Outside though, a matter totally different began to stew. There was no more emergency or obstacles stalling Ryoga’s training and as the girl promptly moved in position, a small boy enveloped in that dark and green aura waited no longer for an invitation to attack. “You’re mine mom!” Screamed Kenta just as his empowered fist slashed part of the girl’s sleeve.

Swish!. . .Sounded dark fist while breaking the wind around it. Ryoga barely moved an inch away from a certain painful punch, understanding the old method she decided to use was a really hard one to keep up with her lack of strength.

“Mom!?. . .Are you sure you want five hundred pounds of lead weights on both arms and legs?. . .It was so easy for me to hit you right on the shoulder, but I retracted in the last moment.” Asked the boy a bit worried by all that dead weight.

“Don’t worry Ta-kun!. . .In my old days I used to carry my three hundred pound umbrella, plus the other seven hundred on my backpack. . .T-This is child’s play.” Admonished the girl even though her puffing demeanor told the boy she was barely holding her stance. Kenta tried to warned her again, but a roaring “C’mon!” was all he needed to going back into attack mode.

“I can do this. . .Ranma would never forgive me if I were to lose in a fight. . .I can do this. . .I can!” The atmosphere between the two began to feel heavy as a game for beating the grown up and avoiding getting beaten by a boy kept them on their feet. “Mom?. . .Want me to be honest with you?” Asked next the teen, knowing very well what his mother would tell him, but risking the question anyway.

“Shut it!. . .I know you’re going easy on me, but remember what we talked about it. Slowly up the rhythm until we can fight on the same level!” Kenta figured that much, so the training went back to slightly normal attacks with a few Shi powered hits in the mix. One thing was sure at this point though. . .Ryoga was getting much more agile and was able to withstand harder punishment despite her still degraded strength lacking on her own attacks.

Time seemed to run a bit faster as the girl accommodated herself at the weights, giving Ryoga a chance to think more loosely during the pressing moves her opponent dished left and right. She managed to have a few close hits against Kenta, but the end result came abruptly when a false step made the fanged girl too slow, letting her son connect a close fist against her chest and sending Ryoga tumbling a few feet away.

“Mom!” yelled the boy while running at her side. The poor female warrior was exhausted beyond any wish to keep going, deciding to lay there, sprawled on the floor with all extremities extended outwards while her impressive chest kept raising up and down agitatedly.

“Mom, are you ok?” Asked again Kenta. “Y-Yes. . .I just need. . .I-I just need to get up and. . .” But the more she tried to stand, the weights seemed to seep all strength left from her body. The boy tried to stop her, holding her shoulders and pushing down, but what sent her right against the floor was a deeper male voice standing right besides her head while watching how unbecoming she was resting on the ground.

“Think Ryoga. . .Why can’ you tap into your old strength like before.” That voice belonged to Genma who seemed a lot healthier now and it looked like he was finally in her side for a change. “P-Pops. . .I try. . .I really, really try but. . .” That’s all she could say when the old man decided to rest by a rock, helped by Akemi who never let her grandpa alone since he refused to stay in bed.

“Girl. . .You’re not thinking right. Who is the strong boy capable ta take mountains down. . .Was he a coward?. . .Maybe a cheater like me. . .Nah. That boy most of the time fought honorable, with a few exceptions, but ain’t one ta opine in that respect now, am I?” Genma felt the weight of his life slowly raise from his tired head as he began to loose up with the girl, almost if all his mistakes and sins could be repaired by doing this one deed.

“What I mean is this. You chose bein’ a mother for Sachiko, an’ a woman for her sake. . .I get that, but what ’bout the trade off?. . .What did you give in exchange for being womanly strong.” When he said this Ryoga dropped her head on the grass, staring at the sky and wondering why that same question escaped her mind all these years.

“I-I. . .I don’t know. I thought there wouldn’t be any trade off if loving at my children was the goal. But you’re right pops. . .I gave who I was for who I became, I guess I really am a weak girl.” Said Ryoga with a feeling of defeat. Akemi felt bad for her mom, finding all her sacrifices well worth and justified in the end, but the little girl didn’t realize until now what Ryoga had to give in exchange to be this way.

Kenta simply nodded matter-of-factly at the sad looks in her mother, agreeing with his grandfather and reassuring to himself why he refused so vehemently to even try and change into a girl since he could remember. “It changes you, isn’t mom?” That question made Ryoga twirl her head towards a boy who had fought against that curse from childhood.

“Even if I see it as a harmless curse now, I know it will change me completely if I were to tamper with it. That’s why I will never try that. . .” Promised firmly the boy as her mother simply smiled and nodded at him. “I’m pleased you face your demons so valiantly Ta-kun, but I really hope life won’t force you confront them up close and personal. . .Believe me. I challenged her like you do now, and the result did changed me a lot.”

Both mother and son agreed to never talk against life disdainfully again, but a snapping of fingers made Ryoga stop her bickering for the lesson of the day. “Snap out of it M’girl. . .This ain’t no time ta waste. . .C’mon. . .” When he said this, the heavy lead weights came off for now, letting the girl stand once again on her feet and stare at the supposedly new master taking care of her training.

“From now on, you an’ I are trainin’ together. . .” That was the last thing both Kenta and Akemi heard that afternoon. Afterwards, two well seasoned fighters were lost in the confines of a walled forest where both Genma and Ryoga became once again master and disciple.

-o-o-o-o-

South America, Same year. . .

It had been almost a year when Bee Balm, the most reliable and strongest of King Parsley guards left the land of the Musk, searching far and wide for that mobile island the young Prince Toma ruled over. He knew the giant floating empire moved according to the actual oceanic currents and that an illusionary fog covered the island completely, rendering it invisible unless the prince would chose not to activate it.

Bee kept with ever town close to the coast in China, from the farthest provinces away from his home, to the fishing expeditions across the beach. Most of his informant were proud laborers working with the sea provided them, and a few gold pieces were the best bet to obtain simple information like that thick fog scaring schools of fish.

Months took for the ripped man to find the pattern, but he did so under the orders self imposed during his travels. That’s why today. . .A year later, a giant warrior stood on that precise island, miles away from his land and closer to the coasts from a nation called America. “Finally. . .I will exact King’s Parsley’s revenge once and for all.”

“You talk too loud human, if I were a spy, I would need to be more conspicuous about my affairs.” Said a voice with a certain hissing sound at the end of every sentence. “And who might you be creature?. . .I have come for what belongs to my people, rest assured though. If you interfere, prepare yourself to be taken apart. . .And don’t call me human. That’s beneath my state. . .”

It was an even match for what Bee could see. His opponent did look intimidating for a regular fighter, but he was no mere amateur in matters of war, and looks were always deceiving during a fight. Still, that hissing tone accompanied with a strange tail sprawling in and out at will told him this was a very powerful animal turned man.

Bee completely forgot pleasantries at this point, lunging at his opponent with rage and strategically avoiding the darting green acid coming from that articulated tail. A simple glimpse to the side without compromising his enemy’s movements let the tall gladiator watch how that green slime ate trees and ground like the strongest of acids he had ever seen before. “You seem to have a nice defense. . .Scorpion-man.” Said next the man, trying to goad his foe into loosing his temper.

“My name is Obuto. . .Obuto Sasori, and I don’t appreciate other creatures comparing me to those humans either. We may have that in common, but that will change as soon as my master gives me the order to eat you alive. . .” Hissed one last time the giant dark scorpion cursed to walk as a human being.

Both left anything else unsaid, darting at each other with full force with the goal to show who is the strongest. Bee of course was a well versed in most combat abilities, giving him an upper advantage over strategy and ways to attack with precision.

Obuto on the other hand used his old fight mechanism used against bigger predators who wanted a meal out of him. It was a rustic way to survive, but every clipping from his pincer shaped hands were able to easily snap rocks and thick branches like twigs.

Clasp!. . .Swish!. Came the near sound of a possible defeat when a spitting wad of acid barely passed besides the taller man while the serpentine of a tail lashed sideways from a sharp turn the creature made in quick succession.

It almost paid off, but again. . .What Bee lacked in natural offensive mechanisms, he more than made out from years of deathly fights against ferocious animals and monsters alike. “A close call, but not as close as this!” Pronounced the half man, half saber-tooth tiger as his closed fists driven from either side of the scorpion fighter reached strenuously against his temples.

It was one of those weird attacks warriors did in rare occasions with the idea to confuse his enemy, and confused he became the second both fists clanked against each side of his head with so much force, Obuto began to see double. “Y-You demon!. . .Y-You. . .You will pay for this!” Demanded one last time the human arthropod while trying to balance himself in place.

That was supposed to be the last time they would meet, thought Bee with a shaking head. He prepared himself to deliver the last blow right before a second host made his presence known. “No, scorpion-man. . .I will not.” His powerful arm reached for the sky, ready to plummet and maybe even decapitate his enemy with one swoop, that is until a much bigger shadow fell over the somewhat tall man.

Pow!. . .Came the loud, yet hollow sound of a massive punch against the back of Bee’s head. The warrior fell to the ground in a thud, rendered defenseless and out of commission while Obuto snarled mad at his companion. “D-Damn it Hoho. . .I told you not to interfere in my fights!” Demanded the scorpion-man.

“It seemed you bit more than what you can chew Obuto, on the other hand, I can chew everything I bite.” Declared smugly a man several feet bigger than either Bee or the scorpion shaped fighter, a man who was a complete male with a exception of a shark like head and donning a massive set of jaws as big as the fin protruding from his back. “Not for nothing I became the king of the sea before I turned into this abomination.”

“Get him to the castle now, before you know who comes and tries to eat him like she has done with the last few invaders.” As he said this, both monsters turned human shook a bit nervously when the third creature forming their team had been transformed from a Brazilian wandering spider attacked into the island when the mass of land navigated across that region a few years ago.

“You know. . .Horo Kumo belongs to a species always fighting with mine. . .I don’t like her one bit.” Confided the venomous fighter to a disgruntled great white shark forced to live off the ocean and into dry land. “You say that now, but I have seen you doing staring at her body like a dog in heat Obuto. . .”

The scorpion-man did admit whatever magic fell on the land that day, did a terrific job in transforming him and the shark into male humanoids, but when he remembered that young prince messing with another waters non-existent on the island, he managed to witness that spider taking for of a girl.

“I can’t help it. . .Everything in this place is made to be a male, you know that!. . .I don’t know how he did it, but Horo is the first female created here in Togenkyo.” Reproached next Obuto. In the end the scorpion and the shark left into the palace, taking the new prisoner with them while a set of sensual eyes studied her two partners from afar.

“Damn you two. . .And here I wanted to taste his blood tonight. Oh well, guess more animals in the wild will be my dinner until I get a well deserved meal.” The strangely sexy woman crawled back into her web minutes later, bidding her time for a possible good entrée if the prince of this island were to dispose from such alluring pray.

Inside the palace though, things couldn’t be more appropriate for its ruler. The self appointed king paced from side to side desperate to find a reason not to kill a trusted ally, his mind warped around the idea given by those three new heirs who substituted not only Sarutoru, but Torristan and Wonton, his most trusted subedits.

“What am I going to do with them!. . .My patience is running too thin already and my plan to humiliate Ranma Saotome has gone far too long for my taste.” The more the new king thought about it, his new guardians agreed something had to be done soon. “Don’t you worry, my master. . .Time will come for you to exact revenge. In the meanwhile enjoy the spoils of war, go to your personal chambers and choose the next batch of virgins for your pleasure.”

The enticing tone from the spider-woman did wonders every time Horo would offer him such delighting choice, giving the older boy the chance to remember how she came to be. “I can’t believe it really worked. . .After years experimenting with both, the waters of Togenkyo and Jusenkyo water of drown girl combined, I finally was able to turn on of the most venomous critters into a full fledged female. . .No transformation or male side effects from either magical water, but keeping the best of two worlds at the same time.”

The young king loved to be pampered by her, caressed by her warm blooded hands and spoken in that beguiling way a seductress use to her advantage. “Yes. . .I will do as you offer me Horo-chan, but tell me. . .How far before the island reaches Japan again. . .” It was a rough estimate, and perhaps a close committee should be a better option at this time, but once the woman set her priorities straight, time was all she needed now that many captive women where released from his ruling and into her hungry bowels.

“We should be over Japan next year my ruler. . .The currents takes us from land to land in a slow motion, and the upcoming set of points will have no land until we reach Africa my lord.” Once cleared the reason why Togenkyo took its sweet time to reach Prince Toma’s desired destination, the master of the island clenched his teeth angrily, forcing thunderous steps towards his personal chambers while deluding himself with other girls attentions until he would get to humiliate that redheaded pest once and for all.

“Um. . .Master?” Called the artificial woman one last time, risking to be scolded from Toma’s inability to see reason and the pressing interest he had to reach his destination. “What!” The woman immediately asked what were they supposed to do with the captive, but his explicit orders were more than clear when he had no time to argue.

“Give him the ladle and set him free. I have all the locking water I need, and King Parsley is of no consequence for me. . .Besides. Once he is off my back, I should be able to focus on getting my revenge and finally add Akane Tendo to my collection.”

Fortunately, as he left the throne, his thoughts were left behind as well concerning the three lowly servants destined to be caged for life. They were still free at the moment, but Sarutoru who seemed the most trusty of the three was able to remember how all this began.

“My master was so obsessed over that boy who turned into a girl. I recall the nights he woke up from bed scared and ashamed by the dreams alone. . .A beautiful girl seducing him in front of his harem would turn into that guy right in the middle of a torrid session of passion, would scream next the Prince. Then, everything changed when he asked for the waters cursing that pigtailed menace.”

The monkey man used all his wits to catalogue and steal from those dubious pools until the liquid transforming regular males into females became his. “Once I brought the batch, my master began to experiment like a crazed maniac. . .First, he tried Togenkyo waters on the most vile of creatures. Hoho Jirozame, or a great white shark was the first subject from his maddening practices.”

“Next came the more difficult creature roaming the island. . .Obuto Sasori, a Deathstalker scorpion hard to capture after he was transformed, heck. . .Even Wonton was no match against his stinging attack. Lastly, a wandering female spider whose venom is beyond deathly and one of the creatures immune to human population was taken by my master and turned into the first fully female subject affected by the two waters.”

The smoke raising from his pipe could be seen brightly close the balcony where he rested for the time being. It was his home alright, but the one place he knew it would be his last living quarters once those three new vermin started to incite his prince into revenge and savagery. “Now they are my master’s close advisers, and as with all predators minds, their vicious rapport for blood have reached new grounds.”

He referred of course to the pile of bodies consumed by their insatiable appetite, the one and only flaw to their natural condition and the one lie they used to feed their frenzied hunger. “I tried to warn my master, and now I have turned myself into a target from his rage. . .I think it’s high time for us to leave. We aren’t needed here any longer my friends. . .”

As he said this, Torristan and Wonton agreed with their leader, admitting their lives were at risk now and waiting for the monkey to make his move. Sarutoru bid a sad farewell to the place he called home, creating that dimensional pocket on the ground and swallowing both his comrades into the dark stain.

“Off we go. . .Hopefully in time to reach that pigtailed man and warn him about our king’s dreading mission. . .”
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Re: Understanding my stories.

Postby Blackcat101 » Fri Jan 23, 2015 5:15 pm

Uh... maybe a sumary of each story plot would help?
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Re: Understanding my stories.

Postby HibikiRed » Fri Jan 23, 2015 7:19 pm

ok. . .Life: sins of a mother describes the different situations every female in the Ranma universe confronts from a motherly stand point. Ryoga accidentally gets Ranma pregnant, but thanks to exterior motives the redhead rejects her baby, leaving the fanged teen with no other option but to be cursed as a girl and care for their child. During the story several other mother figures are tested, among the most important are : Akane, Nodoka, Nodoka's mother which for the purpose of the story, I created her into the universe. Of course there are some chapters where Ryoga has to adapt into womanhood unlike other tales where she is a woman in a matter of days and with no personal repercussion while doing so.

Redemption: Sins of a father refers to most of the males in the Ranma universe. The story leaps into the future a certain chunk of years at the time, giving the plot enough space for familiar faces like Kuno or Mousse to become parent material. On this tale Soun, Genma, Ranma and Ryoga among many others will be tested as fathers and shown to the reader depending on the choices they took on both, the Cannon and my previous story.

I hope this can help clear out the plot and summary concerning these two stories. If not, please let me know If I misinterpreted your request.
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Re: Understanding my stories.

Postby Blackcat101 » Fri Jan 23, 2015 7:31 pm

HibikiRed wrote:ok. . .Life: sins of a mother describes the different situations every female in the Ranma universe confronts from a motherly stand point. Ryoga accidentally gets Ranma pregnant, but thanks to exterior motives the redhead rejects her baby, leaving the fanged teen with no other option but to be cursed as a girl and care for their child.


Even if Ranma dumped the baby as soon as it was born, there are medical treatments and medicals supplements (Artificial baby milk, even way back in 1993/1994) that can be used for the baby. Ryoga turning himself female just to take care of the baby is... breaking the suspension of disbelief. Maybe if there was some accident and Ryoga got a female curse before that, or hell, anything more logical than that even by Ranma 1/2 standards, I would accept it. Plus you are also insulting every single male parent out there.

I sugest you rewrite the ciscustances of why Ryoga ended female and taking care of a baby. Here is a story that shows a good way to do it, evenm if its with Ranma, and not Ryoga.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6319204/1/Jonabee-Fanfic
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Re: Understanding my stories.

Postby HibikiRed » Sat Jan 24, 2015 3:40 am

I understand what you mean, and I agree with that method to care for a baby. I was wondering if you were able to read the part where Ryoga was forced into that decision just as the plot device where Ranma was forced to leave the baby behind. They were coerced into making those choices by others who tried to manipulate the curses with other results in mind. During the story, a couple of scientists lie, and excuse themselves with the always stereotypical cliche "is for the greater good" ideal to turn their situation to their benefit.

I tried to make a situation where Ryoga had no other choice but to become a mother, and in later chapters I explained why and how was Ranma innocent from abandoning her first child.

Again, thanks for your comment, I'm going to check that story and see if it can help me understand another way to make my writing more credible.
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Re: Understanding my stories.

Postby HibikiRed » Mon Jan 26, 2015 7:47 pm

Guess I consider this post failed and closed. . .Good Riddance. . . :evil: posting.php?mode=reply&f=55&t=8257#
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Re: Understanding my stories.

Postby Spica75 » Mon Jan 26, 2015 9:49 pm

Guess I consider this post failed and closed. . .

:?

What failed?
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Re: Understanding my stories.

Postby WG_Writer » Wed Jan 28, 2015 1:14 pm

Okay time to cool a little. When you post to this forum you need to give it time for replies to appear. It had been only three (3) days since you posted your inital post before you called it a fail even though you got feedback if only a little. Give it time.

Also remove that link to a reply its just rude on many many levels.

Your forum topic is also something poorly chosen that would turn people away. We have a section for intros so you can introduce yourself. Including things like who you are in the inital part of the story just is a little bit of a put off.

Also when starting the story here since this is your first time getting C&C from us we likely don't know what this story is about. Tell us about what came before. especially since this story is Chapter 6 of a work that is a continuation of another story.

As to your story, not everyone is going to give attention to a Ranma/Ryoga pairing unless it is good, and some of us rely on others to make that call. I know I would pass this up on ff.net if I saw it just because the over all plot idea is not something I would read. Not saying it would not be good, just not something I would like.

We are more then willing to help but give us time to do so.
Storm trooper effect works against good guys as well.
No matter how strong you are, there is always a teenager able to beat you without breaking a sweat.
A blind Paladin can only hear half truths
A deaf Paladin can only see half truths
Either way the Paladin is a berserker
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Re: Understanding my stories. WG_Writer.

Postby HibikiRed » Wed Jan 28, 2015 7:32 pm

Thanks so much for showing me the way. I apologize for the last post, and I would love to learn from you guys.

A friend who likes what I write told me to create an account in fukufics. At first I refused because I thought the forum was only for Sailor moon. . .Sorry about that.
Anyway, this friend told me to be polite and present myself first, explaining that my language is not naturally English and that i should give a good introduction of who I am. . .Again, I'm sorry for not researching how this site works in the first place.

Lastly. The reason I blew a gasket was really because I expected many replies helping me with my mistakes. . .Another huge error of mine.

I really want to learn how to write a better story, and I know you guys are the best. please. . .Don't get too angry and give me some time to adapt on how Fukufics works. . .Thank you.
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Re: Understanding my stories.

Postby Sunshine Temple » Wed Jan 28, 2015 7:50 pm

That's probably your confusion.

As the introduction is a wise move, but in the C&C section isn't exactly for it.

And it is hit or miss which stories people will reply too.

But yes welcome to the forum and if you are confused or wonder about posting you can PM me with your questions.
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Re: Understanding my stories.

Postby HibikiRed » Wed Jan 28, 2015 10:05 pm

Thank you, I really appreciate the help, and since you offer it so politely I would like to know where can I go in the forums to learn about what section does what.

The second question would be. . .Should I keep reposting on this topic about the story and how it evolves, or do I need to create a new post and begin from zero?

Thanks again for the help, and by the way, I know not many people like RanmaxRyoga pairings, specially the messed up tales I write, but before moving on with your constructive criticism, my goal would be to learn the best written English and grammatical tasks for my stories. Please. . .If you have time and anyone reading this isn't bored enough, just tell me how to improve my writing mostly.

Thanks again.
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Re: Understanding my stories.

Postby Sunshine Temple » Wed Jan 28, 2015 10:14 pm

For your first question, on the main page where the forum sections are listed each section does have a brief description as to what each section does.

For example the Ideas section says:
Ideas wrote:For submitting and talking about story ideas. Idea submissions must be at least five paragraphs long, and include plot points, summaries of which characters are involved, and, for fanfiction, how it differs from canon. Both original and fanfiction ideas welcome. Though original works should have more development. Replying posts must give actual commentary, no "GREAT IDEA" or "THIS SUCKS".


For the second question it's probably best to start with a separate thread for each story.

And that's a great attitude, it's much more helpful to be friendly, as you said it yourself you do have to get someone else to read and comment.

Also as someone who writes odd Ranma ideas as well, I can sympathize.

Added: And it might help by reposting ch1. Especially if you're looking for overall tips and ideas on writing. Since the start is what gets the reader's interest so is of vital importance.
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