Here's the next chapter of Strained Harmony.
Chapter 4 : Buttressing Support Part 2
Special thanks goes to my prereading team!
"You're right. I should have told you when I first arrived. Just like I told you about Hotaru and Haruka and Michiru oh and let's not forget Helios," Chibi-Usa counted off with her fingers.
"So what else are you keeping from us?" Usagi eyed her daughter.
"Lots!"
The pink haired girl frowned but released her grip and submitted to having her footwear taken off. She looked up and saw Hotaru had snuck up and was now standing next to Ranma, holding her Nanny's hand. Their gazes locked, and for a split second Hotaru's eyes smoldered.
Chastised, Chibi-Usa lifted her purse which seemed to mollify the purple-eyed girl.
Usagi savored the second little cake. "Oh my, you're a great addition to the team."
"Yes, it's a pure coincidence that Hotaru's nanny ended up with the curly version of the Princess' style. I'm sure there was no meddling on the part of our mysterious time guardian," Mamoru added before finishing his drink.
For her part, Ranma smoothed out her dress and gave a tiny bow. She then coughed into her hand. "Well... you still wanna see my kimonos?"
Nodoka smiled wistfully. "Yes, it'd make a fitting gift. Thank you." She caught everyone's eye in turn. "Thank you. Thank you all."
***************
Three girls wearing glasses sat around a table on the grounds of Juuban High School, sharing lunch in the shade of a large oak tree.
I've tried to do to the best of my abilities and written something that I think is enjoyable. Though based on ch3 I think most readers have figured out where this story is going and what its tone will be.
and a couple and their child stepped
"They don't have a live in servant."
"You know Ranma's not really a servant."
"No, she's one of us,"
"But she is Hotaru's nanny!" Chibi-Usa pointed a bit jealously.
Usa's jealous pout vanished when she suddenly started to snicker.
What about that friend of Naru's boyfriend... the one that's really smart?"
"That's not exactly a reassuring comparison," Usagi said, continuing her strained smile
"You're playing matchmaker. Your first attempt to find a boyfriend for one of my friends fell through so now you're looking for another."
"Well... more double dates would be nice."
Usagi crossed her arms. "And what's tonight?"
Mamoru coughed. "So... is Suri interested in Ami?"
Chibi-Usa snickered. "Oh, he's got a crush on her."
Mamoru nodded. "Interesting."
"You've been talking with Mina and Mako-chan haven't you?" Usagi smirked.
Her fiance coughed.
"You have?"
"Well, to ask how Makoto was dealing after the breakup," Mamoru sighed. "Oh well, at least it didn't go too far and they can still be friends," he added brightening up.
"Yeah, it'd be bad if someone who knew our secret identities became a jilted ex." Stopping in front of the door to the Meiou apartment, Usagi eyed him. "Isn't that right?"
"This is about Rei? That's water under the bridge."
The pink-haired girl then burst into laughter.
"You're right. I should have told you when I first arrived. Just like I told you about Hotaru and Haruka and Michiru oh and let's not forget Helios," Chibi-Usa counted off with her fingers.
Chibi-Usa nodded. "Now, knock already! I'm sure Puu's been waiting."
"If you insist, Small Lady." Mamoru pressed the doorbell button.
"Bunny!" she squealed after finding her voice again.
Their gazes locked, and for a split second Hotaru's eyes smoldered.
Chastised, Chibi-Usa lifted her purse which seemed to mollify the purple-eyed girl.
"Would you like some refreshments? I know Tenoh-kun would heartily recommend the wine."
Usagi accepted her glass. "Say... who does your hair anyway?" she asked as something tugged at the back of her mind.
Usagi smiled. "You like helping your friends."
Ranma nodded. "I wish I could do more for Akane, though." She looked down, a slight frown creasing her soft features. "It's been very hard for her, you know? Especially since..." She just shook her head.
Usagi took the redhead's hand. "You're being too hard on yourself. You're a wonderful friend."
Ranma shrugged. "I dunno. I tried encouraging Nami to pursue her crush and now she's stuck with running a club booth for a school festival, Kimiko had a hideous breakup all because I couldn't convince her that she was dating scum, and poor Akane..."
"How is it, my Princess? Good?"
"Though you're not the first Senshi with those talents," Usagi teased as she looked Ranma over. "Makoto's got 'em too."
The redhead blinked, then followed Usagi's gaze and blushed.
"No no!" Usagi waved her hands. "She's a martial artist and a cook too!"
"What?" Mamoru asked, confused. He just managed to stop short of glancing down at the two girls' hips.
Forcing a smile, Setsuna turned to Hotaru. "I think Usagi would really want to see your yukata."
"Good idea," Ranma said before going back to the stove.
"And then you and Ranma can show off her lovely kimonos."
"You don't have to do much. Think of it as recycling, even. Her memory, her pattern won't go to waste now." Nemesis smiled. "I promise you'll enjoy it."
"You son
"Assume the hypothetical. Assume the Tendo's are charged to the fullest extent. Assume your husband... well... assume he's culpable and has a similar fate."
"And got a very expensive gift, on what would have been at most the third date. Which is far too fast," Kimiko primly added.
"Uh... you're Usagi right?" Nami asked.
"Yes, yes she is," Kimiko deadpanned.
"Yeah, Tsukino Usagi, nice to meet you!"
Built into a hill, Prince Arisugawa Park consisted of several tiers.
"Nanny! That was a trick!" Saturn pouted as she got back up.
DCG wrote:Rereading over this i do think i should bring up something i missed while proofreading.
There's clearly not enough hugs in the chapter. Rei's basically untouched, And Minako/Makato.. poor girls are getting no love.
frice2000 wrote:Perhaps it's because at least for me I think you're a talented writer who has buried that talent under loads of junk. I was kind of hoping my comments about hurting you would knock you out of just that. But instead it obviously hasn't, which is a shame.
But if you really don't want to hear from me anymore, I'm sure the ban and delete account button is right there. Feel free to click it, it'd be nice to not be tempted to read your stories and see the glimmers of what they could have been mixed in with the clothes.
Dumbledork wrote:Well, it's impossible to please everyone. I for one enjoy the story, even if there are some things I don't like either.
Complainign about your writing style however is futile. You have your style and it's similar for each of your stories. So, I don't really see why People are still complaining about it. They should know by now what to expect.
Crimson Vixen wrote:In comment to LawOhki, my ideal's of story structure are fairly warped, due to having read several thousand books, in 15 languages, and ranging from the 1700's to the modern day. So, I'm not much for being able to help with that. Sorry. On the bit about the timeline, I already started one working with Sunny a few weeks back (and due to various issues I have not been able to help flesh out a more full timeline and a way to implement it fully into the story in a visible way, but it Is being addressed.
Frice, Law, you've both repeatedly sworn you've give up on me. Only to, once again, be right here.
You both repeatedly mock and insult my prereaders. Because apparently being "mildly acerbic" is perfectly fine but saying something playful, oh that crosses the line?
Yes, there are a few valid concerns and good ideas. (Usagi taking photos of the mooncakes, the "you son" typo, maybe tighten up CU's interactions, clearing up the timeline).
Funny given that one of my prereaders doesn't like the story, one has a love-hate relationship with it (she just posed before me) and yet another one actively hates it (and considers the story a tragedy and goes into great detail about what's wrong with it). But no, tell me more about how my prereaders are all yesmen/women and lousy at helping me (because that'll make your advice seem so much better)
The difference between them and you two is that neither one of you is a person I enjoy dealing with.
And, I don't have to.
And now speaking as an Admin of this forum: Sorry, you haven't actually broken any forum rules yet. You and Law have come close but I have an impartial staff member checking your posts for this exact reason.
And now speaking as an Admin of this forum: Sorry, you haven't actually broken any forum rules yet. You and Law have come close but I have an impartial staff member checking your posts for this exact reason.
Actually, I think it's an ethical decision, due to the situation between you two. By self-limiting himself, he's trying to prevent an abuse of power situation.Really? Wow, that's just sad.
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