Favorite Company - (Reverse SI)

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Re: Favorite Company - (Reverse SI)

Postby PCHeintz72 » Wed Mar 23, 2016 1:21 am

I've not read the new snippet above yet, but I wanted to comment on your statements regarding chapter sizes...

Not sure where you get your sizes from, I've seen entire paperback novels that are under 25,000 words total, and ones that are far, far larger.

Professional novels and fan based fan fiction though I do not really consider directly comparable.

At one point in the past, I tried finding an average size of chapter in fan fiction based on ones I had downloaded at the time, I think I ended with an average of around 4,000 words for a chapter... but I've seen authors put out 1,000 word chapters (personally, I think those too short for a chapter) and ones putting out 80,000 word monster installment chapters that are almost books in themselves...

Basically, in fan fiction, write what works for you. Generally a chapter should either convey a concept or mini arc or at a minimum a full scene unless you desire cliffhangers. Do what you are comfortable with, and ignore the commentators.
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Re: Favorite Company - (Reverse SI)

Postby PCHeintz72 » Wed Mar 23, 2016 1:57 am

Read it...

Personally, I had thought Dax a bit more worldly than that... The attitude seems a bit backward knowing what she has been told so far and knowing that they would have little reason to lie to her.

And wow, regarding Jon... what a phenomenally dumb thing to state to a being that could *literally* take you any where any when in the multiverse

I've been liking this, even if it is a odd story... keep up the updates...
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Re: Favorite Company - (Reverse SI)

Postby Ryu Gabriev » Wed Mar 23, 2016 3:48 am

PCHeintz72 wrote:Read it...

Personally, I had thought Dax a bit more worldly than that... The attitude seems a bit backward knowing what she has been told so far and knowing that they would have little reason to lie to her.

And wow, regarding Jon... what a phenomenally dumb thing to state to a being that could *literally* take you any where any when in the multiverse

I've been liking this, even if it is a odd story... keep up the updates...


I wondered about the Dax thing also, but my friends did have a good point about things that don't normally gel with your worldview: you may acknowledge it, but you won't always believe what you see in front of your own eyes. Dax may on some level believe in magic now, but the DEPTH to which it can go is still lost on her... so things like healing magic that can totally restore living tissue to pristine condition is still gonna be hard to swallow.

Hehe, hearing you say that about me made my day. That was the total idea, have you slap your head and go 'What the hell were you thinking?'

Glad to have your interest.
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Re: Favorite Company - (Reverse SI)

Postby Ryu Gabriev » Fri Apr 08, 2016 12:47 am

*******
Chapter 4: D-Hopping! What a Concept!
*******
Yohko Mano
*******
When Grandma bought access to the foreign channels on TV, I sometimes saw bits and pieces of Star Trek late at night while I was studying for tests. Given what we're all dealing with now, I wish I'd gotten more interested in it like Chi had. We all woke up at about the same time after the flash had subsided. Instead of a subway tunnel we were in some kinda alleyway between buildings.

I felt a little short of breath, but didn't think to say much about it until Jon stumbled complaining of how his ears suddenly popped on him. “Gah! Did someone just fire a gun in my skull?!”

“That most likely was your ears popping, my young friend. We seem to be very high up, wherever we are.” Iroh looked around as he spoke, while Jadzia took out her scanning device and tried to get a reading on where we now were.

“Well, according to my scan, the air concentration is thin. If I compare these readings to other recordings of M class planets…” She began fiddling and poking at her device for a few seconds. “...We are approximately 4,572 meters in midair.”

Our ‘leader’ suddenly chimed in with a quip and grin. “Welp, that doesn’t sound terribly bad.”

The Starfleet officer just stared at him. “Jon, that translates to about 15,000 feet high. We need to avoid strenuous activity at this height or we risk passing out from oxygen deprivation.”

I stifled a giggle as Jon comically let his jaw drop while making a shocked noise. Iroh just grinned. “This reminds me of the time my nephew and I began our search for the mythical Avatar. We first journeyed to the various ruins of the Air Nomads and observed some truly wondrous examples of Airbender engineering. The Western Air Temple, for instance, was constructed upon the very ceiling of a massive hollow cliffside.”

“Seriously?!” I squeaked out as I tried to imagine such a thing. “Can Airbenders fly or something?”

“Their rides can.” I focused on Jon as he started speaking with a childish grin. “Big ‘ol honking creatures called Sky Bison. Never mind the fact that they can weigh several tons, these gentle giants can actually airbend so naturally that they fly for hundreds of miles at a time!”

Our tech head gained a thoughtful expression on her face. “If some humans and certain animals can do this ‘airbending’, maybe there’s a common factor between the two that endows this ability…”

“I’m pretty sure it’s not in the food, Dax, if that’s the case.” The american then walked toward the opening of the alleyway. “You guys wait here a sec, I'll scope out the scenery.”

I called after him asking about Ian, but all Jon mentioned was to wake the goofy psychic and see how he was holding up after his fight with that elf thing.

Much to my annoyance as the letcher came to the first thing he did was look at my chest and grin. “Hello Girls!”

That stupid quip really pissed me off so I smacked him upside the head and tilted his head upwards till his eyes met mine. “Eyes off my chest, idiot.” After that I left Ian to pick himself up, if he could make jokes like that he had to be fine. Besides, it's not like I asked to have a huge cleavage hole cut in the front after converting that bitch’s dress!

Just then Jon dashed back into the alley as pale as a ghost. “Guys! Y-Y-You have so got to fucking see this!”

The rest of us stood and ran after the American as he dashed back out of the alleyway, only to have the bright view of endless white clouds enter our vision.

Where the streets ended, there was just sky. Sky, sun and other buildings drifting lazily in the breeze as if they were balloons. The view was breathtaking. Far in the distance was a giant golden statue of some Christian-style angel with her arms reaching towards us. I quickly dashed to the railing on the edge of our platform and gazed on the sight below: a rocky shoreline as well as acres of grassland for miles away. “What is this place? Where are we?”

“We're currently a few miles off of the coast of Maine, and if I'm any judge of Q’s macabre sense of humor the year is currently nineteen hundred and twelve.” I turned my gaze to my left, where Jon had set himself up to enjoy the view. He shifted his gaze to meet mine.

“Welcome everyone… to the city of Columbia.” A fog horn blared at that exact moment which really made that proclamation far more impressive. ...Now if only the little otaku could’ve avoided looking shocked himself, that would’ve made it look like he had a hand in timing it. The group turned toward the section of the city where the horn seemed to have gone off from, and now sounded off in an odd pattern: two short, two long, and another at full blare. A slight pause, and the pattern went off again, leaving all of us scratching our heads at whatever that might’ve been.

“What the hell was that?” I glanced at everyone else as I spoke seconds before the five of us saw some kind tiny rocket shoot up from the cloud cover below.
“Must’ve been some sort of relay signal for the people down below. If a construct like this city never lands, it’s possible they have supplies and personnel flown up to them at regular intervals.” The Starfleet officer was smiling like a little kid as she observed the rocket beginning to fall once its booster lost power. A parachute deployed and the little pod drifted till it landed on a waiting pad. Seconds later it started to descend, taking the mini rocket inside. “Just incredible. Such simplistic technologies at their disposal and humans can still pull off a short range missile delivery system.”

I smiled along with Jadzia just as Jon started herding us in a random direction.
*****
You aren't reading the wrong story, this is the new experiment I'm bringing to this story. Through the use of alternate POV's I hope to provide the material I want you to see without having to keep my SI character in the middle of EVERYTHING important. Lemme know if you like it or not. Enjoy!
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Re: Favorite Company - (Reverse SI)

Postby PCHeintz72 » Fri Apr 08, 2016 2:13 am

Well... it is your story, but I got to say, I really dislike the change in style.

Also, I got to ask, as I tried looking it up, what was so specific that occurred in 1912 there?

I know the U.S.S. Maine exploded, but that occurred in Cuba, and the monument was made in NY.

Irv Young was born there, but he stopped playing in 1911

I also get that it was a milling town.
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Re: Favorite Company - (Reverse SI)

Postby Ryu Gabriev » Fri Apr 08, 2016 1:10 pm

Two words: Bioshock Infinite.
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Re: Favorite Company - (Reverse SI)

Postby PCHeintz72 » Fri Apr 08, 2016 4:59 pm

Huh... that for me or author?
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Re: Favorite Company - (Reverse SI)

Postby Ryu Gabriev » Fri Apr 15, 2016 6:00 am

Another snip in just 7 days?! He's gone mad!!
******
I smiled along with Jadzia just as Jon started herding us in a random direction. As we wandered the streets, I was at first excitedly immersed in all the unique sights around the five of us: weird mechanical horse-drawn carriages, yards of overhead railways that carried various crates of cargo and sometimes even people, blimps and even jet powered boats! But then my gaze shifted back to street level, and I started seeing the people around us. At first those who noticed our wandering group were looking surprised, and I caught a few whispers thinking we were part of a fair that was going on. I couldn't get why after they stared long enough they grew angry.

I got the answer soon enough when a group of men dressed like old time cops stopped in front of us with their batons drawn. “You all need to come with us, right now.”

Jon stepped forward and just started talking. “Are you fellows from the fair committee? I was told that my troupe would have a suitable escort into the interior.”

I started to ask what the heck Jon was talking about before he put his open palm in my face to shut me up. I did so, more out of shock than anything else but damn if I'm not going to remember that for later. The cops on the other hand seemed more confused now than angry. “Why in God's name would we want a pair of slant eyed Orientals to perform today?!”

The american really got into it now, acting like he was trying to explain things to someone beneath him. “Why do you think, man? So that good Father Comstock could show some of the great odds Columbia faced during the damn Boxer Rebellion!! Do you know the sorts of hardship required to find a qualified sword dancer and fire master these days?!”

Right before our eyes several of the officers started laughing out loud over the narrative the otaku kept feeding them, but the one in charge kept his expression neutral. A couple of the more crude thinking officers pointed at me and loudly whispered to the one speaking for them. “Hey Sarge, I hear some female chinks prowl the night looking for honest red-blooded american boys to feed their unnatural hunger… maybe we've found one looking for fresh meat!”

“Yea Sarge, who knows how many men this one's sucked dry!!”

I glared at the lot of ‘em for an instant before I decided to turn their comments back on them. Strutting forward slowly, I focused on the two perverts before speaking to them in very broken english. “Excuse please. What mean when say ‘suck man dry’?”

I put the most innocent, wide-eyed expression on my face as I asked them, as well as leaning towards them with my hands clasped together. This had the added benefit of pressing my tits together and I laughed a little inside as both pairs of eyes were totally focused on my enhanced cleavage. “Could sirs explain? Yohko not speak english goodly yet.”

It took them a moment to realize what they were doing, but once they did their faces turned wonderful shades of red, as expected. That they suddenly lashed out at was not how I pictured their next move. “You filthy chink! Think you can just walk into our fair city and slink about like some cheap whore?!”

The both of them swung at me with their batons which I sidestepped with ease before hopping back to get some distance from them. When they started to pursue I hit each of them with a hand chop to their wrists. Both weapons fell harmlessly to the ground as both men cradled their stunned wrist. Seeing how shocked all the cops were, I couldn’t help but rub it in a little more. “If sirs wish to fight, need pay fee first. Then Yohko be happy for make you cry again.”

Jon started clapping loudly. “Absolutely right! As you can see gentlemen, this lovely young thing is none other than Yohko the Great! As the Strongest Woman in the World, she is capable of taking on men twice her size and besting them in any kind of no holds barred match! Just a measly two dollars will earn you a chance to prove you're better than this femme fatale of fisticuffs! Do I have any takers for the next bout?”

I rolled my eyes at the amount of ham the American was trying to sell right now with this story, but judging from how some of the officers were rummaging through their pockets and were counting out silver coins maybe I was giving him too little credit. The lead cop put his hand out, palm up. “I suppose people might be willing to see something like that. Lemme see your registration papers, and I'll let you folks go on your way.”

Jon froze, blinking twice. “Papers?

The officer nodded. “Yes, sir. Mr. Fink is making sure no Vox Populi try to sneak about the fair this year by having all those participating register with him in advance. However since the lot of you are new here I can help speed things along for… say… 50 dollars each.”

The american began patting himself down and making like he was looking for ‘papers’ that he really didn’t have. “Ah… of course. Uh...Mr. Iroh, would you mind showing off one of your more impressive tricks, say the Dragon of the West, while I find what I need to grease the wheels?”

“So what’re ya gonna do, chinaman? Breath fire at us?” A few of the assembled cops started laughing uproariously at their fellow’s needling as Iroh nodded and stepped up to face his new audience. Jon just shuffled back near the tech head while still goofily patting himself down in various areas. Seconds later I heard a small whisper come from my combadge. “...When Iroh gives the signal, run like mad!”

“Actually, something like that is just what I had in mind…” The firebender waved to the cops to bring them closer as the rest of us tensed in place. In one smooth motion, Iroh took in a breath of air and exhaled a small fireball into his hand. The jeers from the crowd halted immediately, though some of them were still able to claim it was just the effect of a Vigor, whatever that was supposed to be.

With the tiniest of bit of a push forward, Iroh let the puff of flame drift towards the assembled officers…

...Which then burst in an amazing imitation of a flashbang grenade, stunning all of them!!

Ian pretty much said what we were all thinking at that point: “Scatter!” And so we did, each of us taking a random direction zigzagging down side streets and alleys until we thought for sure we had outrun the policemen who no doubt were after us.

At least that was the plan. But as I ducked around the fifth random street in so many seconds the tightness in my chest became too great to ignore. My lungs were heaving, trying to get whatever breath they could at this high altitude. Suddenly dizzy, I tried to brace myself against a nearby wall, only to slump against it as I blacked out.
*******
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Re: Favorite Company - (Reverse SI)

Postby Ryu Gabriev » Sat Apr 23, 2016 4:01 am

Sorry if the experimental format ruined things for you Heintz... I just wanted to try writing things in a new and original way. And I hear that George R. R. Martin uses a similar style of chapter to what I was trying out. If it works for someone, well...

But please don't leave. Your opinions are very much appreciated, and perhaps a devil's advocate would be helpful from time to time as a conflicting perspective.
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Re: Favorite Company - (Reverse SI)

Postby Cheb » Wed May 04, 2016 8:12 am

Up to this point I've been trying for 10k sized chapters because I thought that was the size professionals strive for,

*** da professionals, man. Just make chapters that are logically complete without caring for the word count.

Two words: Bioshock Infinite.

Hell yeah :D

Almost forgot how delightfully racist that world is.

Experimental format is great :)
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Re: Favorite Company - (Reverse SI)

Postby Ryu Gabriev » Sat May 14, 2016 2:42 pm

Usually, when I ask how something I write looks, I'm not worried about grammar or syntax, but rather in the quality of story produced. Is the pace too fast or slow, did I just blow through a great scene for no reason, or in this case did I make what could've been an epic fight scene end too swiftly? Wulfenbach insisted that I did here with the Drow battle in Chapter Three and after he made his case to me, convinced me to redo this particular section to make the story better. Here is my attempt, and know that after these two sections it's back to chapter 4.
*****
Just then, as if by the magic of movie timing, flames erupted along the left side of the enclosed area. The spiders nearby squealed and hissed in panic, scattering every which way. Beams of blood red laser light cut through the only wall not on fire carving out an opening to the outside. Out of the haze from the burning silk came two people. The first made its way to where Yohko was still trying to loosen the dress enough to get some much needed air. She pulled out something which fired the laser beams from before at the dress, which plus the sudden fires from earlier helped me figure out that the rest of the team had arrived. The Trill made slow, deliberate movements as the material resisted being cut, but immediately Yohko’s breathing became easier as parts of the garment split away.

That meant Ian had to be the one that faced off against the drow bitch, making a grasping motion with his hand. The priestess clutched at her throat just before her body was jerked up into the air. The elf squirmed about for an instant or two, clawing at her throat as her red eyes began bulging in their sockets. Strangled gasps were all she could emit from her tortured airway, the lack of air adding a level of desperation to her movements. In her panic, she clutched at her tiara and focused her head upon her opponent. Only a sudden whisper of something from deep within the irishman was enough to get him to dodge to the side just as a blazing beam of light erupted from the gem shattering the brick wall, partially collapsing that section of the tunnel. The white haired wench dropped to the floor before quickly regaining her senses. Her eyes glowed a furious red as she took multiple shots at the neophyte psychic then turning to Jadzia and Yohko and charging up another volley.

Suddenly a jagged bolt of lightning raced across the battlefield tagging the elf square in the chest. Not a few seconds later the aged firebender leapt onto the scene, amazed at the sight which greeted him. I was rather ‘shocked’ at the result myself. Hehe.

The damn drow was getting up. A full 1.21 gigawatt punch to the sternum and the bitch simply shrugged it off.

A tableau of invincibility that was thankfully broken a few seconds later by the pendant she wore loudly splitting in half and disintegrating before everyone’s eyes. The drow was furious, giving off a high pitched shriek while glaring at Iroh with her flaring red eyes. “You wretched vermin! That talisman took months of uninterrupted prayers to the Spider Queen to enchant properly! I shall slice off whatever sort of withered twig and stones you have and sacrifice them to Lolth alongside your dessicated husk!!”

I’d seen angry chicks before, but the damn drow took it to another level entirely. Before, with how her hair framed her ears and face, even I could admit she had beauty and then some. Now her rage had furrowed her brow severely, creased her cheeks from the fanged grimace she sported, and brightened the glow of her eyes to something painful to stare at for too long.

But Iroh was unflappable in the face of such fury. “My destruction of your trinket was never my intention, miss.” He matched her glare with a solid one of his own. “I’m afraid I was more inclined to strike you down for your kidnapping two of my comrades.”

The white haired wench lunged for Iroh with a roar, hands outstretched, which the aged firebender was about to sidestep easily until the drow suddenly became a blur as she reached him. The priestess zipped to where her belt and weapons had lain and scooped up the lot of ‘em seconds before a long fuzzy looking tendril whipped out and tagged Iroh on the shoulder, left side and left leg. He fell down writhing from the venom in the enchanted heads and I couldn’t tell from my position if they were fatal wounds or not. I prayed for the old man’s health either way. Please be ok, Iroh...

Ian screamed out in pain suddenly making me jerk my head in his direction. One of the damn drow’s daggers was now embedded in the irishman’s side while the other suddenly impacted to the left side of my face. Rather disturbing on it’s own, it was made even more so when the blur I’d associated with the drow actually zipped by to take the dagger back, and I felt an oddly tender kiss tag me on the lips. I think I actually shivered, ugh...

Deep cracks echoed in the small chamber in the next instant as sections of the walls and ceiling started flinging themselves at the priestess, doing more damage to the surroundings than to her as she zigged and zagged around every shot. Pity some of us weren’t able to dodge like that, as I ended up pointing out to the neophyte psychic after a bit of rubble zipped by my restrained form. “IAN, you psychopath! Quit trying to swat that elven mosquito with the goddamn proverbial hand grenades! Some of us aren’t in a position to get out of your way!!”

Ian gave me a deadpan look before hoisting a fragment of brick wall in front of him with his energies and casually flicked the edges. Chunks the size of quarters flew off of the edge of the debris and neatly sliced into the web bonds that had held me up all throughout the fight. I dropped to the floor in a heap and tried to quickly stand, only for my limbs lack of circulation to come to light, which made me drop to the floor again. “...beautiful ...next I’ll be turned into her damn human shield just for kicks…”

Much to my shock and growing horror the elven blur halted its randomly fast dodging of the irishman’s projectiles and doubled back towards my still prone form. “...Oh fuck me sideways, why did I open my damn mouth?!”

I frantically tried to get up, but my arms and legs were far too sluggish to help me stand in time to meet the oncoming drow. Thankfully, just as she reached me more chipped bits of stone finally met their mark, making her she screech in pain from the attack. The fuzzy image bounced twice away to get some distance just as the effect flickered and died. The priestess was far worse for wear, her breaths haggard and forced while holding her snake headed whip in one hand and one of her daggers in the other. Some of her long white hair had escaped it’s braid while sweat and blood dripped off of her body. The latter being from multiple small holes in her arms, legs, and torso. On the other side of the battlefield, Ian gave off a sadistic little grin before floating another chunk of debris in the air and used his powers to crunch it into multiple smaller pieces that began to orbit his body. Concrete buckshot… now that’s stopping power!

But even though she was winded, she was still several levels of pissed above normal. “You worthless pile of excrement!! My spiders will feast long on your filthy blood!”

She gestured towards the vacant opening in the webbing to her right, only to quickly notice that nothing would answer her calls. She exclaimed her growing denial, right as Iroh managed to lift himself off of the floor onto one knee. “If you are hoping to receive aid from your arachnid friends, I am afraid I took the opportunity to deal with them earlier before coming here to do battle with you… Now would be an excellent time to surrender, young lady.”

All the priestess could do was flash her glowing red eyes at the aged firebender before tossing her dagger at his head. Iroh simply caught the flying bit of steel with his index and middle fingers while giving a firm stare the elf’s way. That, plus the sight of Yohko finally being cut free of the cursed dress, ended up being all the damn drow could take as her resolved buckled. She dashed through the nearby opening with Ian close behind.

My legs had finally stopped feeling numb allowing me to get back on my feet, though my mood and self-esteem were still buried in the floor. I’m the guy everyone agreed to follow, and all I could do was hang on the wall like a damn piece of meat while everyone else fought and were in danger. Like a damn ingenue, honestly.

I made my way over to Iroh who was slowly coming off of the venom from the snake headed whip. He still groaned as I helped him to his feet, but the retired general quickly waved off any further concern from me. “I will have time to rest later. First we must regroup with Mr. Gram and help him to finish this situation with that… woman.”

I nodded, trying to hide my grimace at the fact the aged firebender was in pain. “I hear you, man. But maybe you should sit this one out anyway. That snake whip venom is nasty.”

“But not long-lasting. Already I feel the pains beginning to ebb. Though I am elderly, my time isn’t finished just yet.” I gave a slight grin that response just as Yohko called out to the both of us from where she was sitting on the floor. The devil hunter had draped the now inert magical fabric over her front to keep her girls covered, and asked if I would get the remnant of her uniform from where it had fallen. I gave her a puzzled look, but shrugged and complied with her request.

The dress hadn’t been cut to pieces so all I did was ball it up in my hands and carried it over to where Yohko and Dax now were. I handed the devil hunter the lump of silk and watched on as she held it close to her chest and began chanting with eyes closed. “By my Oath as a Devil Hunter, against all enemies that come after me, for all daughters that come after me, I claim this magic and power for my clan.

On and on she chanted that phrase with the odd echo pattern, and I watched in awe as the remnants of her uniform began leeching into the dress she had been trapped in. After a few minutes more, the two dresses merged into one leaving Yohko with eyes closed and hands pressed against the chest of her new red garment. The slim diamond cut in the front remained from before, but with the web mesh removed. The Mano family yin-yang symbol now decorated the back of the dress now that it’s original position had been taken by something else. The spider web patterns throughout the former garment had been rewoven into sparkling pale gold kanji script all along the borders of the dress. The neck clasp was now a carved ivory button in the shape of the Mano yin-yang.

Now that she had solved her clothing problem, I started to turn away so I could follow after Ian and the damn drow to finish things. However Yohko stopped me in my tracks by reaching out to grab hold of my left hand. I turned back, only to notice she was giving me a way too sweet smile. “Jon, we need to have a little talk about that stunt you made me go through with just now now that there’s an opportunity... “

I didn’t need the Force to guess where this was headed. I briefly looked to Iroh and Dax for aid only to notice that the both of them gave me the same eyebrow raised smirk. I grimaced, counted to ten in my head, then turned to my friend to face the music. “Look Yohko, I’m sorry, honestly. At first when the whole damn drow’s lack of skill first came up, I was trying to stall so I could think of something without being in pain from whatever she did to us next. After that, well…”

The devil hunter’s smile flipped to a frown as she further scrutinized me. ”After that, you assumed that I would do whatever stupid thing you came up with next without even asking me?”

Iroh finally thought to give me a hand with the conversation. “Sometimes a plan cannot be confirmed in the fraction of time before it is needed.”

I gave a dip of my head in acknowledgement to the retired general’s point before continuing. “Honestly though, I was expecting you to badmouth the idea and bicker with me in general. That you ran with it, and did it well, was as much a shock to me as it was the elf back there.”

My eyes began to wander up and down the devil hunter’s new look. “Speaking of shocks, how the frak did you do that thing with the dress, Yohko?”

My friend gave a little grin. “My great ancestor came up with a way to make magical items demons had in their possession usable by a member of the Mano clan or their allies after we defeated them. It even changes the item’s form if necessary, so that we devil hunters are as protected as we can possibly be.” She then took the dagger from Iroh that he had caught like a boss and proceeded to convert it for her own use. The wavy blade straightened into a single edge tanto blade with kanji etched along the length. The ivory dragon hilt shifted into twin carved Yoma faces with emerald eyes, one face to a side on the hilt.

I nodded in admiration, clearly the Mano family was far more than their oddball reputation would have you believe. “Color me impressed, Yohko. The look is out of sight, but what about it’s function? What do your new odds ’n ends do?”

Yohko blinked a couple of times before grinning sheepishly. “Um...I dunno?”

My right hand clapped against my head in frustration while everyone else chuckled at the situation. “Thankfully that drow person left your Combadges intact and we were able to follow the signal straight to the both of you.” Dax then got her tricorder back out and started scanning Yohko’s new uniform. “Unbelievable. I saw her reconstitute those two dresses into one single garment but I can only scan one type of material throughout the whole thing… maybe it’s some type of complete molecular fusion?”

I rolled my eyes and stood up, before moving towards the opening the priestess and Ian had passed through earlier. “You can try to figure out how magic works some other time, Dax. We need to get after Ian just in case that white haired wench has a surprise or two left in store. Let's move!”

The three of them nodded in agreement and soon the four of us were jogging down the passageway after the neophyte psychic and his opponent. A few moments later we heard the sounds of high pitched fighting coming from around a bend in the tunnel. On the other side, the irishman and priestess were still slugging it out with whip and dagger against thrown rubble and energy barriers.

I was going to insist that we wait for an opportunity, but Yohko’s instincts were faster than my voice just then. In one smooth motion, she whipped her arm around and her new blade flew straight and true, tagging the white haired wench’s whip right in it’s writhing living head. An instant later, the kanji symbols on the knife began to glow brightly, making the whip shrivel and dry out as it’s magic faded.

The elf started shrieking at the loss of her favorite tool, but that quickly turned into a gurgling gasp as the neophyte psychic got his ‘grip’ around the priestess’ throat. Then without saying a word Ian pressed her. I really wish there was a better word to describe what I saw occur to this elf that doesn’t emphasize the fact he turned her from three-dimensional woman into an almost two dimensional pulpy disk.

No, I’m not gonna describe it any better than that, trust me, you don’t wanna know.

Ian held his hand out for a few seconds more, before letting himself relax. At the same instant, the mess of flattened meat that had been someone dropped to the floor with a sickening splat. “Yohko, you might want to dig any of her things you can out of that pile, everything she had is enchanted in some way.”

The devil hunter shivered at what she just witnessed, unable to speak. She wasn’t alone. After a few moments, the aged firebender finally managed to get his thoughts together enough to say something. “Young man… while I am fully willing to accept that this being’s death was a likely necessity this… this savagery certainly cannot be justified.”

“Iroh, that shit might work for most people-” The irishman strode up to the group with a slight wobble in his step.“-but drow cannot be shown mercy at all. You find them, you end them. Besides, this one was a real piece of work.”

Once the Irishman had made his way towards us, I finally noticed the proof that his little escapades with fancy new powers could come at a cost. “Holy shit! Ian, you’re bleeding man!!”

Ian’s nostrils were doing a fair impression of waterfalls as twin streams of crimson dribbled down his face. As I pointed it out to him, the Irishman finally seemed to notice before moving to clean his face off. “But like I was saying, drow aren’t like normal people, Iroh. From the minute they’re born, assuming they’re not male and possibly immediately sacrificed to their fucking spider goddess, Lolth, they are indoctrinated to see themselves as superior, all other races as beneath them and to backstab their fellow drow if the reward is worth it slash follows the will of the aforementioned spider bitch god.”

After another instant Ian seemed to gain a sheepish look on his face. “Which now that I think about it might be why I put a bit too much ‘oomph’ in trying to squish her… Sorry ‘bout that, Yohko. The crown got crushed along with her head. Her belt and boots should be fine though.”

The devil hunter cringed at the mental imagery that info provided. “NO! No way in hell am I digging through someone’s body for some damn accessories! Th-they’re probably already soaked through with her f-fluids and stuff by now anyway!!”

I rolled my eyes at that. “Leather doesn’t retain water when wet. Quit being a baby, Yohko, and loot the boss already. You saw how dangerous that damn drow was with just what she had on at the time. Are you really telling me you don't want to zip about like that?”

“You get the damn gear then! All of it’s covered in blood and guts and body parts!!” I just stared at my friend for a few moments before smirking and giving her a deep shrug of my shoulders. Yohko gave off a small frustrated huff before moving towards the mound of mush. “You're worse than Grandma sometimes…”

Iroh and Dax followed after her to help out, while Ian and I just walked further down the passage until it turned upward and opened up onto the street. Partway up I remembered something about the previous battle. “Hey Ian, weren’t you stabbed in the side earlier?”

The irishman nodded. “Yea, but she yanked it out of me when I had her in the one on one fight back there. I’m pretty sure it was just a flesh wound, I even got it to seal using my powers, see?” He lifted up his hoodie, and sure enough there was a scarred over slit in his side with no blood leaking out, though more was smeared over the area. We’d need to find a doctor to be sure, but I think he’d be ok.

Once we exited the tunnel the both of us figured out we’d been in one of the inner city underground tunnels for foot traffic between buildings the whole time. Sirens were blaring as the soft booms of explosions echoed in the distance. I shook my head in despair. “What have I done, man? Yea we fixed you up and stopped that white-haired wench back there… but how many other monsters are out there? How long are people gonna be killed by demons?”

Ian grabbed hold of my left arm and tugged me around to face him. “Q did this, Jonathan. Not you. Don’t you ever take the blame for him pulling this shit.”

We both kept silent for a few moments while all hell broke loose in the distance. Then, unbidden a question I’d never thought to ask before now sunk down from my brain and fell out of my mouth. “Why’d he do this, man? What does he gain by turning our world into a warzone?!”

Insight, among other things.

The both of us jerked suddenly as Q materialized before our eyes leaning lightly on the brick wall with his arms crossed in front of him. “You both have seen that half-baked effort by Roddenberry to portray the Q in a legitimate fashion? If so, you should know full well mortal beings intrigue my people. For all our omnipotence and foresight, you lot still continue to do things that surprise us.”

I felt my fists clench but managed to stay put. “How does that equate to this, Q?”

The godling’s eyes rolled. “Like I said, insight. Many’s the time I have seen Jean-Luc regain control of that overworked vessel of his using only his wits and skill. But how far could it go? If the threat was great enough, could a mortal become inventive enough to overcome it? Just the thought is immensely entertaining.”

My left eye twitched. “...you want entertaining…?” I suddenly dove for Q with my right hand balled in a fist as I yelled, “Ian, fortify!” The neophyte psychic already had the gist of it as an aura of power wrapped itself around my fist before it impacted with the wall. Multiple spiderweb cracks began spreading from the impact site, as sadly, Q had teleported away just before I struck.

That’s exactly what I’m talking about. How long did it take you to come up with that plan of attack after noticing Ian had figured out the use of telepathy? Your observational skills and inventiveness are just what I need to win this little contest!

Ian turned to me with a neutral expression and a raised eyebrow. “What contest might he be talking about, Jon?”

I gave my horsetail a nervous tug before speaking. “All the Q have this wacko Bet thing going, and for some reason I’m the guy he chose to be his wager. He’s the one that transported everyone here in the first place.”

The irishman’s eyes narrowed. “So he’s the reason I had a fucking demon in my brain for a few hours today?!”

Yes. But you mortals dealing with the fallout is part of the rules, I can’t hold your hand throughout this whole thing. Not as interesting as, say, watching simple mortals in extraordinary circumstances grow to match those challenges and survive…

“Don’t suppose it would kill you to tell the rules to your current pawn, would it?” I said with a frown. “And rematerialize already, just looking up at the ceiling is creepy!”

I think not. You and your amigo here might be distracted with useless thoughts of murder if I were to discuss the rules with you face to face.

The both of us fumed silently as the godling continued speaking. First, during this competition the Q as a whole are unable to use their omniscience at all so that we can gauge the consequences of any ‘move’ we make for our chosen mortal or group of mortals. Second, we can make any move we wish, but we cannot undo a move once it's been put in play. Finally, the submission with the fewest moves that reaches the most interesting conclusion is considered the victor.

“Now I know what a chess match feels like for the pieces…” I grumbled as Ian could only nod in agreement. “Anything else, Q? Perhaps another hidden twist you’d like to screw us with?!”

Q didn’t answer me, and a few minutes later the both of us walked back to where the rest of the team had been. First thing we noticed was that Yohko had finished reinventing her look as a devil hunter. Her pumps and anklets were switched for a pair of tanned leather thigh high boots with a low heel. A thin leather belt was wound about her trim waist, possessing two small sheaths at crisscrossed angles at the back. Both daggers had now been converted and we're sitting comfortably in their new holders.

Speaking for myself, all the new gear added a fine measure of new hotness to the devil hunter. “Daaamn, Yohko. You made that suit look better than ever!”

Yohko smiled at the whistle I gave for emphasis and preened a bit before doing a little spin to show off her new accoutrements… which might be how she managed to surprise me with that nasty right cross of hers as it flew across my jaw. Naturally I dropped to my knees from the shock of the hit as my friend crossed her arms in a huff and turned away from me. “That’s for making me dig through all that crap, Jon!”

I gave my jaw a quick rub. It was tender, but nothing broken for the effort. “...Admittedly, I may have deserved that. How do the boots feel?”

Though she stayed facing away from me, I noticed her posture relax slightly. “They’re… pretty comfortable, actually. Thanks, Jon.”

Iroh and Dax gave a wry grin between themselves, then looked me over for any lingering damage. Ian just sat slumped against the wall and within moments was snoring lightly.

“To hear Yohko tell it Jon, this drow put the both of you through the wringer but I can’t detect any signs of laceration or trauma…” Dax ran scan after scan trying to figure out why our stories and the available evidence weren’t trying to get along. “I’m detecting blood on the inseam of your jeans and similar readings where Yohko said she got stabbed, but no scarring whatsoever on either of you… even the best natural healing techniques leave scarring of some kind...”

I rolled my eyes at another example of Federation Tech blindness. “That would be thanks to the drow’s healing magic. As a priestess she’d have access to some really potent stuff, most likely so that she could keep her ‘toys in fair condition’, if you get my meaning.”

The lieutenant commander gave me a half-lidded smirk and grin. “Yes Jon, I’m sure that the magic kept you from getting a nasty scar.”

I would’ve laid heavily into Dax on that subject given what I just went through, but the retired general beat me to the punch. “Commander, one should never rely upon the wisdom of their own land above that of any other. To do so leaves one blind in a way few can ever match. Perhaps it is indeed magic, or some other power, but you should know better than to deny the effect of something simply because it does not match your view of the world.”

Dax blinked twice as she grew a sheepish look to her face. “...that’s a good point. With someone like Q hanging around it probably is best to expect the unexpected and keep an open mind about what I see during this out-of-world experience.”

Very good, Jadzia! I had a feeling you'd be up for this challenge.

Iroh and Dax were startled by the sudden vocal intrusion, but I had grown used to the outbursts of the godling’s continued eavesdropping and just grimaced in response. “The hell do you want now, Q?”

Q answered by rematerializing in front of us with arms crossed in front of him and a grin on his face. “I think now would be an excellent opportunity to shake things up a bit.”

“That pretty much tops the list of things I didn’t want to hear today. I quit, Q, You hear me?! Find some other sucker in some other dimension ‘cause I’m not playing this damn game of yours anymore!!” I folded my arms in front of myself, looking as defiant as I could. Though given how the godling was still smirking, I don’t think it was having much of an effect. “I don’t care if this means Dad dies tomorrow, just take my houseguests and go away.”

Q just waggled a finger at me. “Tut tut tut, I’ll not have that kind of defeatist talk in my camp. You’ve been doing exceptionally well thus far, saving your friend, giving him power, your team then saving yourself and the devil hunter and giving her more power. I'm now quite interested in seeing what a change of scenery will force you and your teammates to reach for.” The omnipotent ass then cupped his free hand under his chin, as If in thought. “You think I should ask Jean-Luc about this? He's always prattling on about ‘human spirit’ this and ‘humanity’ that, so perhaps he's learned a few ways to motivate people…”

As he continued to focus on his question, I gave off an exasperated sigh, rolled my eyes again and moved to tell him off spectacularly. To this day I still don't know why I said what I said just then. “Q, I don't give a royal fuck where, just get us outta this!!”

The way Q’s eyes just lit up was not a good sign, neither was the bright smile on his face. “What an excellent idea…”

Before any of us could tell him otherwise, the godling snapped his fingers and the lot of us disappeared in a great flash of light.
*****
*whew* Pretty big upgrade, huh?
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Re: Favorite Company - (Reverse SI)

Postby ckosacranoid » Mon May 16, 2016 11:56 pm

One hell of a different setup. I think this idea works better and really makes the fight with the drow much better and explains the world change. I like this setup better then the last.
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Re: Favorite Company - (Reverse SI)

Postby Ryu Gabriev » Mon Jun 27, 2016 2:56 pm

Been distracted by A-kon plus nasty cold. Please enjoy!
*******
Yohko Mano
*******
“Well, this is rather interesting.”

...Wha?...Whazzat?

“Which part, brother? What she’s wearing or what she can do?”

“What they all can do, actually.”

“Indeed. It’s rather refreshing to find something completely new after all this time.”

“Our time, or theirs?”

Both.

My eyes fluttered open to the sight of a man and a woman looking down at me. They looked like they were related to each other, like twin siblings. Both had light brown hair, though one set was in a bun and the other cropped short. Each wore a tan sport coat over a brown waistcoat, white collared shirt and green tie. Only difference between the both of them was the woman had a long skirt while the man wore trousers. “Who are you two?”

The man spoke up first. “Who is not as important as what-”

“-which is far less important than why.” The woman interjected, finishing the sentence.

I was getting more confused. “Ooookay… well, where is this place then?” I gazed out over the formless white expanse for a few seconds before my eyes began to ache, making me again focus on the two in front of me.

Once more the man was the first to answer. “Not much point in answering that, since you won't be here much longer.”

The woman moved closer to me before handing over a large beaker filled with some dark red liquid and an antique key. “Best drink this quickly. I'm told the taste is far from palatable.”

Can't put my finger on it, but something about these two radiated power. With that thought in mind, I shrugged once and downed the contents in one long chug. Oh ancestors the stuff was horrible!! At the very second I'd guzzled the last drop, I started to feel woozy again. “wh-what waaas this stuff…?”

“Just something to help get you used to the altitude, fainting at any time during the experiment would be rather disastrous for you all.” I couldn’t really remember which of them said that, since I blacked out that instant.
*******
Bars were the first things I noticed when I next woke up. The fact I was swinging high off the ground came after that. A bird cage! Those… those… whoever they were drugged me and locked me in a big stupid birdcage!!

It was just large enough to hold a single person, but only if they were scrunched up in a ball first. There were other cages in the room I was in as well, but only one seemed to be occupied by a weakly moaning prisoner. The whole look of the room reminded me of a garden or cemetery, carved stone framed the grey walls and grassy floor, and a statue of a woman was placed in the center. Every so often big black birds, ravens maybe, fluttered from neatly trimmed bushes around the room to perch on the cages above. One suddenly flew to the other occupied cage and actually… guh… start pecking at the poor soul inside. Now it made a certain sense why the spaces between the bars were large enough to slip an arm through, the oversized scavengers needed the room to get at whatever might be inside.

And unless I wanted them to start pecking me to pieces I needed to get out of this thing now!! At first I tried forcing the door open and slipping out, but the grating was solid and refused to give way. All my struggling and heaving also made my cage shift and squeak, which drew the attention of some of the birds. They surrounded my little prison and clung to the bars all around me, all three of them just staring with those red eyes of theirs. Urge to scream… rising!

That was the moment another bird landed on the bars and stared at me like his friends had been. What made this one worse was how much bigger it was versus the others and its beak was glistening with fresh blood… and how somebody's eyeball was dangling from its mouth. I screamed like a girl in a horror movie, startling the ravens and making them scatter.

Yea, I’m a devil hunter, someone who’s faced horrific monsters almost daily for years. Doesn't mean I’m not allowed to have a freakout every so often when super creepy birds start looking at me like I’m Grandma’s special curry dinner! ...Anyway, I hugged my legs tighter against my chest and tried to get my composure back under control, only to hear some kind of odd muted thump straight ahead of me. I peeked out in the noise’s direction only to find a man standing there.

At least I think it was a man. He was the right size to be one, wearing a dark blue coat, pants and a pointed blue hood that covered his entire head except for two holes for him to see out of. “The raven is a patient bird. They can easily wait until you're too weak to resist. Then… they will feast.”

It's amazing how anger can make you forget you were scared stiff a second ago. “Why are you doing this?! What did I or that guy do to deserve this treatment?!”

The guy in the hood actually tilted his head to the side for a moment like he was mulling it over. Then he turned and walked off, ignoring my demands for an answer as he suddenly vanished in a puff of dark smoke and feathers.

I glanced around the room for a moment or so more before I leaned against the bars behind me with a sigh. That is, until I heard an odd clank from the small of my back and felt something pressed against me that wasn't there before. I snaked my arm behind my back and pulled out the same antique key that those two weird folks from before had handed me!

I focused on the small thing in my hands for a few moments, wracking my brain trying to figure out why I was given something like this… it's not like it would fit the lock!

...At least that's what I had been so sure of until I slid it into the lock and the door opened with a simple half-turn of the key. Felt rather dumb at that point…

The groaning of the captive next to me helped focus my mind back on the situation. With a bit of effort I managed to slip… gracefully through the cage door to land on the ground below.

...I didn’t slip on the grass and land on my face, okay?! Jon can insinuate from where that stain was on my dress all he wants, I swear I got that in battle against those raven guys later on!

Anyway, the ravens around me seemed content to just stay where they were perched until I moved to release the man still locked up. The whole murder in the room seemed to take flight at one time to swarm around me. I summoned my soul sword, the light of which startled the birds and drove them back, which in turn gave me the room needed to chop at the oversized pests until the ground was sprinkled with bloody bird parts and feathers.

If Grandma were here she’d be quipping at how it was a good thing these had been normal birds instead of shibugarasu or yatagarasu - demon birds that worked in flocks and were always a chore to deal with due to their speed and random patterns of movement as well as their unique attributes. I tabled the little daydream for later as I released the hapless man from his hanging cage and helped him down. He was a young asian adult, maybe at or a little younger than myself, wearing a black Chinese pantsuit and slippers. The birds had managed to poke several tears into the fabric, leaving scabbed over wounds behind. He was swaying some, but thankfully was able to keep his feet while I lead the both of us from the room.

We walked up a set of carved stairs that led to a sort of patio overlooking the view of several floating buildings and the amazing skyline from earlier. The young man managed to lift his head to the view in front of us and smile. “I thought… I would die without ever seeing... the sky again. Thank you…”

I leaned him against the wall of the building and gave him a little smile in return. “Well at least the view doesn't show any of the… people... that live here.”

The young man opened his mouth to say something in reply, but a heavily muffled boom turned my head back to the building we just came from. Several more ran out an instant later, which made we wonder if these crazy bird guys hadn't managed to find Iroh along with myself. I had to make sure, so I turned back to the young man, only to find his head slumped against his chest and the rest of his body gone still.

I checked for a pulse at his neck… there wasn't any. Somehow his face still held a smile, even in death. I offered a small prayer for his spirit, then ran back inside the building. Whether Iroh was inside or not, I would send these bird watchers straight to hell!
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Re: Favorite Company - (Reverse SI)

Postby Cheb » Wed Jun 29, 2016 2:27 am

[scratches head] I think I played it a bit too far ago. ravens, ravens... There was something related to ravens, I'm sure. But what? Probably a superpower I didn't like so I never used it...?

Chunk good. P.o.v. switch good, the divine(?) intervention feels canonic-like, the mysterious stranger and unknown situation are proper.
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Re: Favorite Company - (Reverse SI)

Postby ckosacranoid » Wed Jun 29, 2016 7:25 pm

Get catpured, freakout, then getbfree and get fellow dudecfree and then he goes and deies on you..the bastard. Anyway, weird update.
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