Kid's Trip to CarnEvil Prologue

[Sailor_Chaos]

A Soul Eater crossover, if you don't know what CarnEvil is, you can read here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carnevil

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Kid walked into the Death Room with Liz and Patty in tow while wondering what assignment his father had for them. It had been a year since Asura was defeated by Maka, and things at the DWMA had returned to relative normality. His father was fully healed and his friends returned to their Meister duties, as had he. Despite his prowess and skill, Kid had thus far only collected about 17 Kishin eggs, which greatly annoyed him; not only because he had to collect twice the normal amount of Kishin eggs, but also because 17 was an incredibly asymmetrical number.

Upon exiting the hall of guillotines and ascending the stairs, they would find Lord Death standing in the center of the Death Room, staring at his mirror while surrounded by the various crosses that dotted the desert-like landscape of the Death Room and the clear blue, sky-like ceiling. As if the room itself was designed to give the illusion of being outside without actually being there.

Lord Death turned to face his son and his weapons as they approached him. "Hey kiddo, nice to see you again!" he said in a voice that sounded like that of cheery old.

"Hello, father, what do you have for us today?" Kid asked with his usual calm demeanor.

"I hope it's not like that last assignment in Australia," Liz complained. Patty only giggled.

"Awww come on, those dingoes were adorable!" Patty chimed in a cheerful tone.

"Yeah, until it turned out they were rabid…" Liz reminded her before Kid cleared his throat to get their attention.

"Anyway, father, what's our assignment?" he asked as Liz and Patty came closer and listened carefully.

"You are heading off to the United States, specifically Greely Valley, Iowa, to put a stop to a madman named Ludwig von Tökkentäkker who has been using his undead carnival to lure and kill people in order to, as we suspect, capture their souls and become a Kishin." Lord Death explained.

"A carnival? Yay! This is going to be fun!" Patty cheered and jumped with joy, seemingly oblivious to Lord Death's description.

Liz quivered, "A-An undead carnival? Y-You mean like with ghosts?" she said before hiding behind Patty like a scared child.

"Where exactly in Greely Valley is this carnival?" Kid asked, ignoring Liz and Patty's responses for now.

Lord Death simply raised his large foam fingered hands and shrugged, "Your guess is as good as mine. We only have a few sightings, but when the police investigate in the morning, they find nothing. The only clue we have is the local legend." he said before handing Kid a piece of paper.

Kid read the piece of paper to himself while Liz and Patty looked over his shoulders.

When the moon is full and trees are bare,

Walk through the cemetery if you dare.

Where skeletons rot and corpses fester,

Locate the tomb with the skull of a jester.

Feed him a token all shiny and new,

It is then that CarnEvil will return for YOU!

"Sounds creepy…" Liz said, her voice still shaking a little.

"Sounds like your typical campfire story. CarnEvil sounds a little on the nose if you ask me," Kid said, not very amused by the poem, but it was all they had so he would take it.

"No one ever said madmen were original. Good luck kiddo, see you when you get back," Lord Death said before giving them a peace sign and waving to them as they left, Patty dragging her sister behind.

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By the time they arrived at the Greely Valley Cemetery via Kid's flying skateboard, it was already sunset. The air was getting colder, as the autumn weather began to set in.

Kid dismounted the skateboard as he reached the gate. "Well, we're here," he said as he kicked up his board and let Liz and Patty transform back into their human forms. Liz immediately hides behind Patty.

"Looks even creepier than I imagined…" Liz said as the sun sank into the horizon and the clear night overtook the sky, revealing a full moon.

"Don't be such a scaredy cat, it's just a cemetery. I'm sure there aren't any zombies or ghosts!" Patty said, vainly trying to reassure her sister.

"Thanks a lot…" Liz said in a slightly annoyed tone.

Kid stood before the large iron barred gate with the words Greely Valley Cemetery written over them. "Hmmm, well the moon is full and the trees are definitely bare…" he murmured to himself before entering the cemetery, the gate opening with an audible creak. Liz took a deep breath, swallowing her fear as she stood up straight and followed Kid inside, Patty following suit.

Kid took out a flashlight from his pocket, which he had obtained from the janitor's closet at the DWMA, and turned it on before setting about searching for the 'tomb with the skull of a jester.'

Liz and Patty shook and huddled together, their sweater tank tops doing nothing to protect them from the cold night air. "K-Kid, can we go i-into town and get a j-jacket or something?" Liz asked as Patty sniffed.

"Later. For now, we need to find Tökkentäkker's grave," Kid replied while he continued searching.

"Awwww, come on, Kid!" Patty whined as her bare legs shook, her puffy shorts leaving her more exposed than her sister.

"Just be patient and we'll-"Kid stopped as he found the large tombstone which read Professor Ludwig von Tökkentäkker 1898, atop the tombstone stood what indeed looked like the disembodied skull of a jester with the typical jester hat and collar but, unusually, the jester's mouth was wide open revealing rows of razor-sharp teeth and it still seemed to have eyes which were closed. Another feature of note was that the jester's mouth seemed to have a slot fit for a large coin.

Kid's eyes widened and a smile curled up on his face as he observed how symmetrical the jester's skull was, neither side seemed to have any kind of difference between each side.

"This skull it's…it's…" Kid stuttered a little as he continued examining it.

"Creepy?" Liz attempted to answer.

"Symmetrical! I must know who carved it!" Kid cried out in joy as he started examining other parts of the tombstone.

Liz sighed. "There he goes again," she said with slight exacerbation at her Meister's obsession, once again, overriding the mission.

Kid's frantic search came to an abrupt halt when he found a large golden token inside a small, half-cup slot jutting out from the tombstone just beneath the inscription.

"What's this?" Kid asked aloud as he picked up the palm-sized coin and showed the light over it, Liz and Patty looking over his shoulder. The coin showed an image of what looked like a smiling demon with its mouth wide open, on top of the coin was inscribed the word CarnEvil, on the center and split by the demonic image was the year 1898, and on the bottom it read Admit One.

"Well, we found the tomb, the skull, and the token, let's leave now, ok?" Liz said as she turned to run but Patty quickly grabbed her collar and stopped her.

"We came here to stop Tökkentäkker, and that's what we're going to do," Kid said before inserting the coin into the jester's mouth and nearly getting it bitten off as the jester's mouth snapped shut while its eyes slowly opened up. The jester's skull then came to life, its hat and collar turning into a yellow and purple pattern while its face became bone white with bright red lipstick around the rim of its mouth, before it flew up into the air and spinning around.

Kid, Liz and Patty all fell over as the ground began to shake and open up to let the carnival emerge. A rickety roller coaster sprang up, along with a large, looming mansion and various stands and entrances. The sky became blotted out by dark clouds and lightning struck as the gates closed and transformed into the entrance to the sinister carnival.

Finally, a shooting gallery with two torches rose out of the ground, knocking over and replacing the tombstone that stood before Kid. A figure then emerged at the top of the shooting gallery, his arms outstretched though it was hard to make out his features in the darkness.

"Welcome to…CarnEvil!" he announced in a German accent before laughing maniacally.

[Konsaki]

"Well, we're here," he said as he kicked up his board and let Liz and Patty transform back into their human forms. Liz immediately hides behind Patty.

You're changing verb tenses too close together and it's reading oddly. An example is the quote above where you go from past tense to present tense.
Admittedly, it's kinda rare, but each instance is noticeable.

[Sailor_Chaos]

You're changing verb tenses too close together and it's reading oddly. An example is the quote above where you go from past tense to present tense.
Admittedly, it's kinda rare, but each instance is noticeable.

My apologies, is it really that distracting?

[Konsaki]

My apologies, is it really that distracting?

/shrug
It might be just me but finding spots like that pull me out of the story, even if for just a moment.

[Sailor_Chaos]

/shrug
It might be just me but finding spots like that pull me out of the story, even if for just a moment.

I see, well anything else to praise or criticize?

[Konsaki]

I see, well anything else to praise or criticize?

It's an interesting concept. I'm familiar with CarnEvil due to playing it back in the day. Unfortunately, I can't really comment too much on the Soul Eater side of it since I only have a TV Tropes level of knowledge.
From what I do know, you're discribing the characters well.

[Sailor_Chaos]

There's a tweaked version here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9694445/1/Kid-s-Trip-to-CarnEvil