And If that Don't Work opening scene.

Bridging the gap between Ideas and C&C.

Post individual scenes that need doctoring, outlines, or other detail work that isn't quite ready for the C&C thread.

And If that Don't Work opening scene.

Postby Sunshine Temple » Mon Jan 16, 2012 1:32 am

I'm not so sure the pacing and all the info dump at the start of this scene is right.
Also it's a bit rough so give some allowances for G&SP

And If That Don't Work?
A Neon Genesis Evangelion fic thingy.
By Josh "Sunshine" Temple

Here's the disclaimer of non-ownership: Neon Genesis Evangelion and its characters and settings belong Gainax and Hideaki Anno. Team Fortress 2 is owned by Valve. The Spoony Experiment is owned by Noah Antwiler

Other works can be found at my fanfiction website.

Temporary Backup Site.

Other website Temple of Ranma's Senshi Seifuku

C&C as always is wanted.

Chapter Twelve: XXXXXXXXX

Exiting the dingy elevator, Kaji closed his cell phone and slipped it into his suit coat's pocket. Clutching his briefcase in his left hand, he stepped into the second level of the parking garage. Past a nearly empty row of the occasional light compact car, he could see blue sky and the blue waters of Lake Ashinoko. It was morning, it was Sunday and the office park that the garage served was closed for the day. A handful of delivery vans were parked on the first level taking advantage of the open space. The sight of them gave him some relief. At least he was not alone out here.

In the distance the glass and concrete of Tokyo 3 glittered on the far north shore.
His shoes echoed as he walked down the row of parking spaces and around a corner. There he found her. She was leaning on the concrete railing and looking out across the water. Though she was facing the Southeast and looking at the forested Mount Byobu with her back to Tokyo 3.

The woman had straight auburn hair and wore a ash-grey suit that was tailored to her frame. Kaji made a thoughtful noise, it was a bit much for the guise of a mere office girl.

"You're late," Mikki noted without turning to face him. She wore her slim light framed glasses and idly pushed them up her nose.

"There was more traffic than expected leaving the city," Kaji stated, his fingers tightening on the briefcase.

"Ah, I suppose it's best we did not arrange to meet on the Ropeway." Mikki took her gaze due east. An aerial lift cable car ran from Hakone-en on the eastern shore of the lake to the summit of mount Komagatake. "As romantic as taking a seines tram and a little hike to a Shinto would be your... timing leaves something to be desired."

She spun around on a heel and tapped a foot impatiently.

Instinctively, Kaji flashed a smile. "It's better than my original idea."

"Ah yes, yet another tram ride. This time to the Great Boiling Valley," Mikki rolled her eyes. "Yes, because girls like nothing more than visiting a sulfurous tourist trap."

"It's got hot springs. Girls love hot springs. And the hard boiled eggs they sell are really good."

"I am familiar with Kuro-tamago." Mikki raised an eyebrow. "Are you really trying to entice me with black eggs?"

Kaji waved his free hand. "Fine, fine. We'll do something better."

"When? Right now we're in a parking garage." Mikki sighed. She looked out at the and up. As usual, jet contrails crossed the sky and the drone of helicopters and whining rush of VSTOLs was in the distance. "There are plenty of hot springs. Ones that don't have quite as much venting sulfur."

"The ground has that effect. There's plenty of power buried under Harkone just bubbling up. There is a volcano just to the Southeast of the city."

"Yes, yes and the lake itself is a collapsed caldera. I'm familiar with the city," Mikki testily said.

"However, I think the city has greater threats than geology."

"So very true." Mikki gave a tight smile.

"Quite so, but to your previous point... are you asking for a date?" Kaji teased.

Mikki tapped her chin. "I dunno, can you go through with it?"

"Of course," he looked out across the water and spotted a largish green yacht with red trim. It was at anchor and a few men were fishing off the deck while an older man seemed to be fiddling with the mast rigging. The sails were down and a trio of square flags fluttered from the mast. One was quartered into alternating white and red checkers, the middle had two pairs of vertical yellow and blue stripes, and the bottom one was the white X over a blue field that meant: my vessel is stopped, making no way.

"You seem pensive."

Kaji chuckled. "I am. Humanity is playing with fire. The technologies we've developed, the weapons we've built."

Mikki cocked her head to the side and looked back at the mountain. "Oh? Isn't that all to win? Defeat the Angels by any means necessary?"

"And then what?" Kaji's eyes went to the glassy office buildings and across the street from the parking garage. The empty windows, bare shadows, and dark offices gave the scene a sinister cast. The building looked utterly deserted but he knew that had to be untrue.

Mikki tapped the guardrail. "What do you mean?"

"After the war. After-" he paused looking over the water. "After we win, what then?"

Mikki exhaled. "The Enemy would be extinct. The war would be over?"

"Oh? We're hardly a peaceful species." Kaji caught movement on the boat. A couple of the young and fit fishermen had put down their rods and gone into the ship's cabin.

The auburn haired woman giggled. It was a hollow, almost defeated noise. "You're right. Yes, you're so very right. Dissent, betrayal, subversion oh we are a fallen lot."

"Is that why you're making your play?"

Mikki turned away from the water. She looked over the scruffy man, grey eyes narrowing. "You think I've betrayed my... boss?"

"I know. There's more to Gombe Heavy Construction than building Tokyo 3, the Geo Front and just about every other hardened bunker in Japan. You can tell the way the wind's blowing," he used his briefcase to gesture at her fine pinstripe and pencil-skirted suit.

Straitening an errant bang, Mikki crossed her arms and leaned on the railing. "Fine. Fine. I can tell when an... audit is coming."

"You're afraid, of Nerv?"

"I saw what Nerv did to Nippon Heavy Industry Solidarity. I saw what they did to the Third Branch. Nerv will do anything to ensure their goals are met. You think the UN can contain them? You think your associate's oversight can do anything?" Mikki's bitterness turned sardonic. "Nerv has stolen keys to creation, and those old fools think that they can keep the likes of Ikari in check.

"And Azazel?"

Mikki's frown deepened.

"Well I suppose Azazel can keep Nerv in check... for what's that worth."

"That you present that as a reassurance fills me with terror at a capacity beyond comprehension."

"Only a taste of the world, the wars, we face. That's why I fear, not just for this war but for the next war." Kaji shook his arms a bit and continued to scan the water. "The genie is well and truly out of the bottle. We are seeing a full blown AT field arms race. Tactical, strategic, offensive, defensive. It's not stopping, it's growing. Do you know what this war is, what it really is?"

The grey-eyed woman made a beaconing motion with her hand.

"It's an excuse." Kaji laughed. "It's all an excuse: the Impact, the Angel War. Crisis brings opportunity, and a true existential crisis is the greatest of all. It took time for us to recover but..." the spy lowered his gaze for a moment. "But there's weapons in development that eclipse what we've already got. The Americans are running wild on Atomic Age Cold War ideas, the Russians are thinking big and Nerv... they're not resting on their laurels. Meanwhile every country with a defense contractor supplying Nerv parts has spun up side-production."

"I know that," Mikki sighed. "Your point? We are in a war of extinction here."

"This isn't just for this war, they're thinking about the next, and the next." Kaji shook his head. "And they say we're a shortsighted species." He looked over and saw that the flags on the mast had changed. There were now two square flags. One had five horizontal bands: red in the center blue, on the edges, and white in between and the other was divided right half red left half white.

"Ah" The secretary's voice grew distant. "Power, scientific, military, industrial, and electrical. Power is humanity's power." She tilted her head at the sound of a delivery van pulling into the parking garage's first level.

Kaji nodded, the grip on the briefcase loosening. The tension in his body melted away and his heartbeat slowed. "That's right. That is our strength."

Returning to the railing, Mikki looked at the water; her stomach felt cold. "That is humanity's strength. That's why the... the Angels are trying to co-opt it. To learn from you."

Kaji nodded and looked down at his briefcase idly checking the numbers visible on the twin combination locks. "Fighting fire with fire?"

"Humanity started it!" Mikki's voice rose. Anger pushing away her nervous concerns. "With the UN's Artificial Evolution Laboratory, Nerv's Project E, and Seele's–"

"Ninth Project?" Kaji completed.

The young woman blinked. "Well... yes, but I meant the Katsuragi Expedition."

Kaji bowed his head slightly. "My mistake Miss Nagisa."

Mikki bowed her head in return. "No problem. As I was saying, the Angels are only following the path the humans cut for them." She then blinked. "Oh. That's not my name."

"But it is: Kaworu Nagisa. However, I can see why you changed it," Kaji gestured towards Mikki's body with his free hand.

Visibly shaken, Mikki took a few steps back and tried to collect her bearings. The image was ruined by how her glasses had slipped down her nose.

"No wonder you have so much ire for the Old Men; you have personal experience living under their thumbs. Though if Mr. Gombe is who I suspect he is..."

Mikki snickered. "The old fool has no clue." Mikki stretched her shoulders backwards then straightened the fall of her suit-coat. "I suppose that's a perk of my new position."

She pushed her glassed back into place and looked over them at Kaji. They slowly shifted between grey, red, and back again. "Iruel squealed, and since we're alone and un-nuked you must have snuck off with a copy of her confession."

Kaji swallowed. "Straight up admitting? Not even pretending?"

Mikki scoffed. "I've spent my whole life pretending. What's the deal?"

"What makes you think I want to deal?" Kaji swallowed and looked down at his briefcase.

Catching his glance, Mikki smiled. "Because you're here. Again, if you didn't want to talk you could have just sat back and let me get nuked. Or maybe sicced the Evas on me. But no, you come to me with a case full of goodies. Trying to play another side, what'll that be, five for you?"


The Angel nodded. "What is it that you want?"

"Assurances, after the Little Impact...." Kaji cleared his throat. "I have to know where this war is really going. I know enough about what Seele and Nerv want that... well maybe the other side isn't so bad after all."
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