New scenes for Disorderly Princess and Fiery Steed Ch. 3 (4)

Bridging the gap between Ideas and C&C.

Post individual scenes that need doctoring, outlines, or other detail work that isn't quite ready for the C&C thread.

New scenes for Disorderly Princess and Fiery Steed Ch. 3 (4)

Postby gsteemso » Tue Aug 23, 2011 9:59 pm

Hi all,

I was made aware some time ago that I'd missed an important plot thread when I wrote Chapter Three (ffnet chapter four, because of the prologue).

The following new and revised scenes appear interspersed through the old material in my master copy:

* * *

Hyūga Daijato, career genin of the Leaf, sighed and shifted slightly in his concealed position on a rooftop near Naruto’s apartment. This was going to be a long, boring shift, though he’d at least be able to catch some sleep once the kids settled in for the night and he could set up a low-level security technique around whatever room young Hinata was in. It would work rather like an intangible alarm tripwire of chakra, except it would cover a bubble all around the target instead of just a circle that could be jumped over.

Unbeknownst to anyone else, Hiashi-sama had tasked him with quietly watching over the unlucky young outcast, now that she was beyond Hiashi’s ability to directly protect. The head of the Hyūga would have preferred to have assigned someone more skilled, but even in this village chūnin and jōnin didn’t grow on trees, and he never would have gotten such a directive past the clan Elders. Even assigning Daijato had only been possible because of his extremely low status within the clan; not only was he of the Branch House, but he was a career genin for good reason. He had unusually shallow chakra reserves, and his White Eyes were so weak they only had a range of twenty or thirty metres. About the only reason he’d made it as a ninja at all was that he tended to recover more quickly than average from exertion.

The fact that she’d found a home already would help immensely, though Daijato really wished it had been with a more respectable new family. He stifled a snicker at that thought. The demon brat’s expression when she agreed to marry him — when he hadn’t, in fact, asked her to — had been priceless.

Suddenly, he snapped to full alertness. Did he hear—?

* * *

{ here is the scene with Hinata screaming in alarm as she changes back in the hot bath }

* * *

Daijato dithered nervously on his rooftop. That had sounded like Hinata-sama’s scream, but it hadn’t been repeated, and a couple of minutes later, his best eavesdropping technique had revealed what sounded like her laughing about something with her new ‘fiancé.’ Maybe the brat pulled one of his stupid pranks on her?

Not for the first time, the Hyūga genin wished that there was at least a small window into Naruto’s bathroom. Peace of mind would be a fine thing, he reflected wryly. Of course, having an eavesdropping technique he could use at this range for longer than five minutes at a time, without expending too much chakra to stay combat-effective, would be a fine thing, too. Oh well.

* * *

{ the kids go to sleep for the night }

* * *

Daijato carefully constructed a chance to casually roof-hop past Naruto’s apartment without notice being taken of it. There was a lone ANBU chūnin posted to that guard duty every night; even the demon brat’s many detractors saw at least some value in keeping a potentially very powerful jinchūriki out of the hands of Konoha’s enemies. It was assumed that an abduction attempt in broad daylight would be noticed without the expense of posting an actual guard.

The Hyūga genin wanted to get close enough to have a look at the kids’ sleeping arrangements with his barely adequate White Eyes; traversing the entire length of the apartment’s roof while appearing to merely be on his way somewhere more interesting would be ideal. Hinata-sama may have been head-over-heels in puppy love with Naruto, but he knew Hiashi-sama would be furious if the demon brat were to somehow — despite their young ages — take advantage of Hiashi’s daughter, whether she’d been publicly expelled from the clan or not.

* * *

Naruto lay, ramrod-straight, at the extreme edge of his bed, and stared rigidly at the ceiling. One arm extended reluctantly off towards the rest of the bed, where it was held in a gentle but unbreakable grip by Hinata’s slender hand as she slept peacefully, curled around it. For what felt like the thousandth time, Naruto reviewed the events of the evening, trying to figure out how he’d gotten into this mess. Okay, so I gave Hinata-chan the bed and tried to sleep on the floor, but she kept waking up with horrible nightmares of being abandoned. She managed to sleep OK when I sat up with her, so we tried having her hold my hand as I reached up from the floor. When I fell asleep my arm would fall down and wake her up… so if we had to sleep at the same level, it’d be kinda silly to have a bed and both of us on the floor, so we’re both in the bed… sleeping together. Why does that sound logical and really, really wrong at the same time?

Neither Naruto nor Hinata had ever encountered the adult connotations of the phrase “sleeping together.” That wasn’t the problem. The thing was, Naruto had simply never felt secure sleeping around other people. The various ninja who’d been assigned to protect him from crazies when he was younger had always left him his space, and few other people had benevolent reasons for getting close to him as he slept. He might ordinarily have viewed Hinata as a safe exception, but he still had some degree of heebie-jeebies from her suddenly deciding they were engaged. Scary! If she hadn’t needed his presence nearby in order to get any rest at all, he figured he’d probably be camped out on the kitchen table.

* * *

Daijato barely managed to keep his shock and outrage from showing in his movements, when he first saw that the kids were sleeping in the same bed; but a closer look at their relative positions and the shell-shocked expression of horror that occupied Naruto’s face, even after the boy’d apparently been trying to sleep for over an hour, soon had the Hyūga trying to restrain an entirely different source of twitching motions.

Somehow, Daijato managed to hold it in until he could return to his vantage point, then hurriedly muted himself with a pressure point and spent several minutes silently laughing his arse off. There was no way in hell anyone looking like that would take advantage of their bedmate! In the interests of making Hinata-sama’s life a little easier, Daijato decided to casually gloss over the more incendiary details when he would write that section of his report.

Unaware of the exact nature of the differences between Hinata’s two forms, and not possessing a huge amount of ability with the White Eyes to spot them with in the first place, he never even noticed that at some point she had reverted to her old body.

* * *

Comments?
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Re: New scenes for Disorderly Princess and Fiery Steed Ch. 3 (4)

Postby Spokavriel » Tue Aug 23, 2011 10:51 pm

Great additions. It felt wrong having no one keeping an eye on the Clan Princess. At least she is avoiding the Caged Bird Seal for being proclaimed less of a fighter than her little sister.

But I'm really still anticipating her and Ranma's next dream meeting now that Ranma is changing and so is she. And maybe even Ranma giving her some training in Ki. Do dreams take up normal time or go at the rate the dreamer wants allowing for more time than really passes to be available?
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Re: New scenes for Disorderly Princess and Fiery Steed Ch. 3 (4)

Postby Dumbledork » Wed Aug 24, 2011 7:03 am

Nice addition to the chapter. Makes sense that Hiashi would assign a guard to Hinata.
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