Veela One Half ch. 1 in snippets

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Post individual scenes that need doctoring, outlines, or other detail work that isn't quite ready for the C&C thread.

Veela One Half ch. 1 in snippets

Postby Dumbledork » Thu Jan 29, 2009 10:54 am

Here's the first snippet (of 3)

Prologue can be found here

http://www.fanfiction.net/secure/story/ ... id=4811634

CHAPTER 1

Elder Ku Lon, matriarch of the Amazon village of Nyuuchezu, was giving her great-granddaughter some final tips before the start of the annual tournament Just as she was explaining some of the finer points of fighting defensively she stopped in her explanations, as she felt a disturbance coming from Jusenkyo. She had already known for a few minutes about the intruders at the Pools of sorrow since they had to pass the monitoring charms the Amazons had put around the valley, but generally they didn’t need to interfere since it was the guide’s job to help the newly cursed. Thus she had thought nothing of it and had gone to see her great-granddaughter and give her some last minute advice and information on her adversaries.


But now… she had never felt anything like that. And she was pondering on it when she saw the other elders approach.


“Did you feel that, Ku Lon?” Soa Pu asked. “There’s definitely something unusual going on at Jusenkyo. I think it would be better if we sent someone to check.”


“I agree,” Ku Lon answered. “I’ll do it myself. It will be a nice change from the usual routine.”


“Great-grandmother?” A very confused purple-haired girl interjected. She didn’t really understand what the elders were talking about, except that the matriarch would leave her alone. “What about the tournament? You’ll miss it.”


Ku Lon gave the young girl a tender look before she reassured her. “Xian, I know that you’ll make me proud. I’ve taught you a lot and even given you some tips about how to deal with some of your opponents. You should be fine on your own. Always remember what family you’re from. Our family has always been one of the strongest and most respected of this whole village. And you’ll continue with that tradition. I won’t be gone for very long and should be back for the final matches.


Reassured by her great-grandmother’s words Xian Pu was much more confident and decided not to bother the elder any longer.


“Farewell,” Elder Ku Lon said. “I’ll be back soon.”


Although she didn’t say anything to the other elders since she didn’t want to worry them, the matriarch had a strange feeling, as if something very important had happened at Jusenkyo, something that might have consequences for the tribe.


She also thought back to what she had told her great-granddaughter. It was true that Xian Pu had a lot of potential and that she’d probably win the tournament. Unfortunately, her biggest flaw was her tendency to be arrogant and feel superior to the other warriors in her age category. And winning the tournament might make the problem even worse. Ah well, she’d think about it later. She had more urgent matters to attend to, namely the strange magical energy she felt coming from the cursed pools. She accelerated, hopping on her staff at a speed that would make a cheetah jealous. The closer she got to Jusenkyo the stronger the foreign magical signature got. It felt… primeval. Not human, but powerful. Another five minutes and she’d be there.


01234543210


Meanwhile at Jusenkyo, Ranma was pissed. Well, saying that she was pissed was probably the understatement of the century. She was furious. Furious at her father’s stupidity for bringing her to this accursed place, furious at the guide for not warning them, and especially furious at herself for her own carelessness. Too blinded by her anger to be cautious she jumped very quickly over the poles, not bothering about the consequences should she fall into another pool. She wanted to join her father and the guide as quickly as possible to make her displeasure known. Genma cringed when he saw the murderous look his child was giving him, but the guide’s reaction on the other hand was completely different. He was standing there like in a trance, not moving a single muscle. He seemed mesmerized by the girl’s beauty, had a lecherous smile on his face and was drooling.


Nope. No help from that side. Genma tried to make the Chinese man come back to his senses, but before he achieved any results, the angry blonde had already arrived and was standing in front of them and shaking in anger.


Just as the young girl was about to lay into her father, said man upended the thermos over her head, turning the girl back into a boy. Ranma was so surprised by Genma’s action that all thoughts of revenge had temporarily been put out of his mind. He didn’t even notice that he was male again. But Genma did and tried to calm down the irate teenager. “Calm down! Look at you. You’re back to normal.”


That did the trick and when Ranma looked down he was relieved to see that the two mounds that had obscured his view earlier on were gone. Since he was a guy again he didn’t see any reason to stay angry. Sure, it was a shock to be changed into something else, but thank God it was just temporary. No need to get angry over something so trivial.


In the meantime the guide was almost back to normal, slowly shaking off the effect of the blonde girl’s aura.


“Son, we need to talk,” Genma solemnly said. “You’re back to normal for now. But…” and here the man winced. He knew his son well enough to know that he wouldn’t take the news very well. But he was partially responsible for the boy getting cursed and so it was his duty to inform him of the truth about the curses, consequences be damned. “… you’re not cured.”


“What?” The teen shouted incredulously. “But I’m a guy again. See?” Just to be sure he checked his sensitive areas, but everything was back where it belonged.”


Genma shook his head. “Son, you probably don’t want to hear this, but the cure is only temporary.”


“WHAT!?” The pigtailed boy shouted, before narrowing his eyes and glaring at the sweating, bespectacled man. “What—Do—You—Mean?”


Inwardly the cursed man prayed that the boy wouldn’t be too angry about the next piece of news.


“Erhhhm… well…” Relieved that he hadn’t been hit yet, but that Ranma was all ears, the martial arts master regained some confidence and got on with his explanation. “Next time you’re splashed with cold water you’ll transform into a girl again. Warm water, however, will change you back into a boy.”


Seeing that Ranma was just standing there, gob smacked, and hoping to avoid a beating he decided that an apology might be in order. Not the Crouch of the Wild Tiger, however frightening the technique may be, but a real, heartfelt apology. “I’m—I’m really sorry, son. It is all my fault. If only I hadn’t found the stupid brochure, all of this could have been avoided. I promise, I’ll do everything in my power to find a cure. Please, don’t hate me for this. You’re all I have in this world.”


Genma’s apologetic tone managed to somewhat calm Ranma down, even if he was still visibly pissed. “I—I can’t forgive you yet, pops. Maybe in time, but for now I’m just too angry. Please, just—just give me some time.”


Genma then looked a the guide and seeing that he was normal again he asked. “Are you feeling better? What has happened to you? You were completely out of it.?”


The guide was ashamed at his reaction. It’s the first time a girl had had that effect on him. “I don’t know. I just couldn’t look away. I’ve never seen a more beautiful girl. It was really strange. She must have emitted some kind of lust aura or pheromones or something like that. I just couldn’t take my eyes away from her body. And I’ve seen a lot of beautiful women who could easily rival your son’s beauty.” And that was true indeed. The Amazons visited him regularly, and almost all of them were certainly beautiful enough to be models, but none could compare to the otherworldly beauty of the blonde goddess. But why? What made this girl so special? He didn’t know. And he couldn’t even remember where the pool had come from. He’d never heard of it before at least. He’d have to talk to the Amazon elders. They might know more.


Ranma gave the guide a nasty glare, but didn’t say anything. Probably a pervert who liked to gawk at younger girls. The pigtailed martial artist was disgusted but didn’t dwell on it. Finding a cure should be his top priority for the moment.


“Is there a cure?” Was Ranma’s predictable question.


The guide shook his head. “Like I told your father, none that I know of. You’re father mentioned one of our brochures, which is strange as they have been destroyed a long time ago to keep people from coming here. I didn’t even know there were still any around. The curses are explained and I wonder why you would willingly risk getting cursed.”


Genma was really feeling uncomfortable now as he really didn’t want to talk about it, but there was no way around it. ”Unfortunately, it’s written in Chinese. The only thing I understood is that Jusenkyo is a famous training ground.”


The guide was appalled at witnessing such a level of stupidity while Ranma was banging his head against a tree. “I should have known,” he said. “Another one of your stupid ideas. You couldn’t have found someone to translate it for you? No, of course you couldn’t. Once again your damn pride kept you from doing the sensible thing.”


Genma didn’t even have the nerve to look his son in the eyes. All he had said was true. He had a tendency of jumping the gun instead of thinking about the consequences. It had been like that since the beginning of the training journey and he had no idea why. Of course, afterwards he was always sorry, but that didn’t keep him from making one stupid mistake after another. He just hoped that he could somehow make it up to his son.


He decided to get more information out of the guide. Even if he didn’t know of a cure, he might know people who could help or who had more information about the springs. “Don’t you know anyone who could help us? Someone who has dealt with curses before?”


“Well, you should talk to the Joketsuzoku, the Chinese Amazons. They have been living here for more than 3,000 years, and no one knows more about Jusenkyo than they do. I don’t think they have a cure but I’m sure they could help you adjust.”


Genma raised an eyebrow. “Amazons? Yeah, right. Tell me another one.”


“I would listen to him if I were you, sonny boy.”


The two men and one boy looked at the spot where the voice had come from and Genma and Ranma were really surprised at what they saw there in front of them. It was some sort of ugly creature perched on a gnarled walking stick.


“Aaaah, a ghoul!” Shouted Ranma before said ‘ghoul’ whacked him on the head with its stick.


“Respect your elders!” The being huffed. “Children these days. Honestly. A ghoul…? Comparing someone of my obvious beauty to a pitiful undead creature. The nerve of this boy. Ah well, he’ll learn in time. I am Elder Ku Lon, matriarch of the Joketsuzoku and I’d really like to know what happened.”


NEXT: Ranma's curse and Genma's past
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Postby borgrabbit » Fri Jan 30, 2009 10:58 am

Ends a little abruptly. Not as a cliff hanger, just abrupt.
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Postby Dumbledork » Fri Jan 30, 2009 12:48 pm

borgrabbit wrote:Ends a little abruptly. Not as a cliff hanger, just abrupt.


Yeah, but then, the chapter is not finished. There'll be 2 more snippets.
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Postby borgrabbit » Fri Jan 30, 2009 4:16 pm

Yeah, but then, the chapter is not finished. There'll be 2 more snippets.

OOPS! Sorry. Haven't found anything to critique, otherwise.
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Postby Dumbledork » Fri Jan 30, 2009 4:57 pm

That's nice to hear. I try my best, but it isn't always easy... and I'm lazy by nature.
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Postby Dumbledork » Mon Mar 16, 2009 1:37 pm

I've made some changes to the first part and I've added the second part. Should I continue the flashback or stop it there and go back to storytelling mode for what's to come? If I continue the flashback It will lengthen the chapter a lot.

The second part is still rough and there are probably some spelling mistakes or grammar problems since I haven't reread it. I just wnated to post something new.

The whole chapter will probably be about 8k words.

CHAPTER 1

Elder Ku Lon, matriarch of the Amazon village of Nyuuchezu, was giving her great-granddaughter some final tips before the start of the annual tournament. Just as she was explaining some of the finer points of fighting defensively she stopped in her explanations, as she felt a disturbance coming from Jusenkyo. She had already known about the intruders at the Pools of Sorrow for a few minutes, since the moment they had passed the monitoring charms put around the valley by the Amazons, but generally there was no need for them to interfere since it was the guide’s job to help the newly cursed. Thus she had thought nothing of it and had gone to see her great-granddaughter and give her some information on her adversaries.


But then suddenly she felt a shudder go through her body. She had never felt anything like the energy that has just passed through her. She couldn’t pinpoint it exactly, but she was pretty sure it had come from the Pools of Sorrow. And she was pondering on it when she saw the other elders approach at a fast pace.


“Did you feel that, Ku Lon?” Soa Pu asked. “There’s definitely something unusual going on at Jusenkyo. I think it would be better if we sent someone to check.”


“I agree,” Ku Lon answered. “I’ll do it myself. It will be a nice change from the usual routine.”


“Great-grandmother?” A very confused purple-haired girl interjected. She didn’t really understand what the elders were talking about, except that the matriarch would leave her alone to face the challenge ahead of her. “What about the tournament? You’ll miss it.”


Ku Lon gave the young girl a tender look before she reassured her. “Xian, I know that you’ll make me proud. I’ve taught you a lot over the years and even given you all the information I had on your opponents. You’ll do just fine on your own. Never forget your origins. You’re a member of one of the oldest, strongest and most respected families of this village. Show them your determination. I probably won’t be gone for very long and should be back for the final matches.


Pumped up by her great-grandmother’s encouraging words Xian Pu was feeling much more confident and decided not to bother the elder any longer.


“Farewell,” Elder Ku Lon said. “I’ll be back soon.”


Although she hadn’t said anything to the other elders since she didn’t want to worry them, the matriarch had had a foreboding that whatever had happened at Jusenkyo would have a huge impact on the future. But would it have consequences for the tribe? She couldn’t say. She’d have to find out.


She also thought back to what she had told her great-granddaughter. It was true that Xian Pu had a lot of potential and that she’d probably win the tournament, but that could unfortunately increase her two biggest flaws, arrogance and overconfidence, even further. Xian’s mother was to blame for that, since she filled the purple haired girls head with stories about Amazonian superiority. And winning the tournament might make the problem even worse. Ah well, she’d think about it later. She had more urgent matters to attend to, namely the strange magical energy she felt coming from the cursed pools. She accelerated, hopping on her staff at a speed that would make a cheetah jealous. The closer to Jusenkyo she got, the stronger the foreign magical signature felt to her senses. It felt… primeval. Not human, but powerful. Another five minutes and she’d be there.


01234543210


Meanwhile, over at Jusenkyo, Ranma was pissed. Well, saying that she was pissed was probably the understatement of the century. She was furious. Furious at her father’s stupidity for bringing her to this accursed place, furious at the guide for not warning them, and especially furious at herself for her own carelessness. Blinded as she was by her anger she threw caution to the wind and jumped over the poles at a fast pace, not bothering about the consequences should she fall into another pool. She wanted to join her father and the guide as quickly as possible so she could make her displeasure known. Genma cringed when he saw the murderous look his child was giving him, but the guide’s reaction on the other hand was completely different much to the bald man’s surprise. He was standing there in a trance, mesmerized by the girl’s beauty. Hisa face bore a lecherous grin and he was drooling.


Nope. No help from that side. Genma tried to make the Chinese man come back to his senses, but before he achieved any results, the angry blonde had already arrived and was standing in front of them, shaking in anger.


Just as the young girl was about to lay into her father, said man upended the thermos over her head, turning the girl back into a boy. Ranma was so surprised by Genma’s action that all thoughts of revenge had temporarily been put out of his mind. He didn’t even notice that he was male again. But Genma did and tried to calm down the irate teenager. “Calm down! Look at you. You’re back to normal.”


That did the trick and when Ranma looked down he was relieved to see that the two mounds that had obscured his view earlier on were gone. Since he was a guy again he didn’t see any reason to stay angry. Sure, it had been a shock to be changed into something else, but thank God it was just temporary. No need to get angry over something so trivial. Right? Right.


In the meantime the guide was almost back to normal, slowly shaking off the effect of the blonde girl’s aura.


“Son, we need to talk,” Genma solemnly said. “You’re male again, that’s true. But…” and here the man winced. He knew his son well enough to know that he wouldn’t take the news very well. But since he was partially responsible for the boy getting cursed it was his duty to tell him about the true horror of Jusenkyo and the curses, consequences be damned. “… you’re not cured.”


“What?” The teen shouted incredulously. “But I’m a guy again. See?” He pointed to his sensitive areas and even checked physically, and sure enough, everything was back where it belonged.”


Genma shook his head. “Son, you probably don’t want to hear this, but the cure is only temporary.”


“WHAT!?” The pigtailed boy shouted, before narrowing his eyes and glaring at his sweating father. “What—Do—You—Mean?”


Inwardly the cursed man prayed that the boy wouldn’t be too angry about the next piece of news. Oh, who was he kidding? He knew the boy would tear him a second one if he couldn’t appease him.


“Erhhhm… well…” Relieved that he hadn’t been hit yet, but that Ranma was all ears, the martial arts master regained some confidence and got on with his explanation. “Next time you’re splashed with cold water you’ll transform into a girl again. Warm water, however, will change you back into a boy.”


Seeing the gaping kid just standing there and hoping to avoid a beating, he decided that an apology might be in order. Not the Crouch of the Wild Tiger, however frightening the technique may be, but a real, heartfelt apology. “I’m—I’m really sorry, son. It’s my fault. If only I hadn’t found the stupid brochure, all of this could have been avoided. I promise you I’ll do everything in my power to find a cure. Please, don’t hate me for this. You’re all I have in this world.”


Genma’s apologetic tone managed to somewhat calm Ranma down, even if he was still visibly pissed. “I—I can’t forgive you yet, pops. Maybe in time, but for now I’m just too angry. Please, just—just give me some time.”


Genma then looked a the guide and seeing that he was normal again he asked. “Are you feeling better? What happened to you? You were completely out of it.”


The guide was ashamed of his reaction. Seeing a beautiful girl had never affected him that much before. “I don’t know. I just couldn’t look away. It had felt like I was looking at the most beautiful thing in the world. It was really strange. She must have emitted some kind of lust aura or pheromones or something like that. I just couldn’t take my eyes away from her body. And I’ve seen a lot of beautiful women who could easily rival your son’s cursed form’s beauty.” And that was true indeed. The Amazons visited him regularly, and almost all of them were certainly beautiful enough to be models, but none could compare to the otherworldly beauty of the blonde goddess. But why? What made this girl so special? He didn’t know. And he couldn’t even remember where the pool had come from. He’d never heard of it before at least. He’d have to talk to the Amazon elders. They might know more.


Ranma gave the guide a nasty glare, but didn’t say anything. Probably a pervert who liked to gawk at younger girls. The pigtailed martial artist was disgusted but didn’t dwell on it. Finding a cure should be his top priority for the moment.


“Is there a cure?” Was Ranma’s predictable question.


The guide shook his head. “Like I told your father, none that I know of. Your father mentioned one of our brochures, which is strange as they were destroyed a long time ago to keep people from coming here. I didn’t even know that they were still around. The curses are explained pretty well in the brochure and I‘m surprised you even came here, knowing of the curses and all. The brochure is very thorough in its explanations. I don’t understand why you would willingly take the risk of getting cursed.”


Genma was really feeling uncomfortable now as he really didn’t want to talk about it, but there was no way around it. ”Unfortunately, it’s written in Chinese. The only thing I understood is that Jusenkyo is a famous training ground.”


The guide was appalled at by such a level of stupidity while Ranma was banging his head against a tree. “I should have known,” he said. “Another one of your stupid ideas. Couldn’t you have found someone who knew Chinese to translate it for you? No, of course you couldn’t. Once again your damn pride kept you from doing the sensible thing.”


Genma didn’t even have the nerve to look his son in the eyes. All he had said was true. He had a tendency of jumping the gun instead of thinking about the consequences. It had been like that since the beginning of the training journey and he had no idea why. Of course, afterwards he was always sorry, but that didn’t keep him from making one stupid mistake after another. He just hoped that he could somehow make it up to his son.


He decided to get more information out of the guide. Even if he didn’t know of a cure, he might know people who could help or who had more information about the springs. “Don’t you know anyone who could help us? Someone who has dealt with curses before?”


“Well, you should talk to the Joketsuzoku, the Chinese Amazons. They have been living here for more than 3,000 years, and no one knows more about Jusenkyo than they do. I don’t think they have a cure but I’m sure they could help you adjust.”


Genma raised an eyebrow. “Amazons? Yeah, right. Tell me another one.”


“I would listen to him if I were you, sonny boy.”


The two men and one boy looked at the spot where the voice had come from and Genma but they couldn’t see anyone.


“Down here!” The voice continued.


They looked down and were very surprised when they saw a short, ugly creature perched on a gnarled walking stick.


“Aaaah, a ghoul!” Shouted Ranma before said ‘ghoul’ whacked him on the head with its stick.


“Respect your elders, boy!” The being huffed. “Children these days. Honestly. A ghoul…? Comparing someone of my obvious beauty to a pitiful undead creature. The nerve of this boy. Ah well, he’ll learn in time. I am Elder Ku Lon, matriarch of the Joketsuzoku and I’d really like to know what happened here.”


01234543210


“Welcome to Jusenkyo, honored elder. What can my unworthy self do for you today?” The guide asked while bowing reverently to the crone.”


“For a start you could tell me what happened. We felt the magical discharge that originated from here up to the village. And I’ve come to investigate.”


“Thank God for your help, elder. This will make things easier and the two customers here won’t have to visit the village. I’m not exactly sure how it’s possible but the boy fell into an invisible spring, a spring I’ve never heard of before.”


The old woman’s eyes widened as she heard the portly man’s explanation. There was only one spring it could be, but it should have been impossible for anyone to fall into it since it was protected by wards and spells to keep people away.


“What does he turn into? Quickly, tell me!” The panicked woman urged the guide, hoping that she was wrong.”


“He turns into a breathtakingly beautiful blonde girl,” the guide confirmed the elder’s fears.


“Just as I feared,” she said in a resigned tone. “Could you show me the curse, please?” She asked Ranma.


Ranma was obviously annoyed at the request, but he knew that he couldn’t refuse if he wanted the creature’s help. He sighed as he filled a bucket with cold water and poured it over his head after making sure that warm water was available. And once again the incredible transformation took place and an instant later the blonde bombshell was back. The guide, once again, turned into a drooling wreck and Genma was completely unaffected.


Ku Lon nodded and splashed the girl with warm water, reversing the transformation.


“It is indeed as I feared. The spring of drowned veela. It’s a very tragic story. A Veela fell down the cliff overlooking that spring about two years ago as she was running away from a mob of wizards who were chasing her. But how can it be? A muggle shouldn’t be able to even approach the spring much less fall into it.”


Now, Ranma was ignorant about a lot of things, and even if he vehemently denied it to anyone who would listen he was well aware of that fact, but he was able to recognize and insult when he heard one. And this was definitely one. “Now wait a minute!” He shouted. “I don’t know what a muggle is but there’s no reason for you to insult me.”


“QUIET!” The small creature hissed.


But before she could continue Genma interjected, “He’s a squib.”


Ku Lon’s eyes widened when she heard that, realizing that they hadn’t taken squibs into account when they warded the spring. And before the pigtailed boy had the time to open his mouth she bopped him on the head with her cane. “Shut up and let the grown-ups speak!”


“Excuse me, honored Elder,” the guide said. “But what was that about the spring being two years old? I’ve been a guide for a much longer time than that and I can’t remember the event at all.”


“Of course you wouldn’t,” the old woman answered. “We sealed your memories of that day. The spring is much too dangerous for the knowledge of its existence to spread and so we had to make sure you wouldn’t go and reveal what you knew. You won’t remember, but you agreed with our reasoning. But since the boy has fallen into the pool he deserves to know what happened. I’ll remove the memory blocks and let you explain what you saw.”


Ranma thought that it was much more important to learn more about the curse than to respond to the insults and so he sat down and listened. Genma, well aware of the existence of magic and the differences between wizards, muggles and squibs didn’t say anything, but decided that since the cat was out of the bag, he’d have to reveal the boy’s origins. But that could wait until after hearing the guide’s story.


The matriarch approached the portly Chinese man and tapped several pressure points on the guide’s head. “It is done. You should remember now.”


Recognition flared inside of the guide’s eyes as the memories returned. “It happened two years ago. I was up on the cliffs collecting firewood when I saw a group of people approaching at a fast pace. Since I didn’t know who it was I thought it would be prudent to keep out of their sight and hid behind a bush. When they were near enough I saw that it was a group of wizards shooting spells at a breathtakingly beautiful blonde woman that resembled the boy’s cursed form a lot. Unfortunately for the woman the edge of the cliff denied her any means of escape and just as the five people were about to finish her off she transformed into a hideous birdlike creature and attacked the group. She managed to kill two of them with her fireballs and eviscerated another one with her talons. But before she could finish off the two remaining wizards she was hit with some spells and fell over the cliff, drowning in the spring. I stayed hidden until the two remaining men apparated away with their friends and prayed for the soul of the poor creature. Then I immediately alerted the Joketsuzoku. They quickly recognized the creature from my descriptions and deemed the spring too dangerous for anyone to fall in.”


“Thank you,” the matriarch interrupted, “I will explain the rest. Veela are among the most powerful magical creatures in the world and not native to Asia, so I have no idea where it came from. We don’t know much about them, since we’ve never seen one around here before, but we got some information from our books. Veela live in central Europe, are always female and very beautiful. Their most frightening ability is the veela charm which allows them to entrance people. Their other form is just as dangerous, since they transform into ugly birds of prey that are natural sorceresses with a fire affinity. They can control fire and even generate flames that are as hot as a dragon’s fire breath. A very dangerous enemy if you don’t have the necessary protections. Now you might understand why we wanted to keep people away. The problem is that since there is no cure the boy will have to learn how to control his female form’s abilities.”


“Well that’s not a problem,” Genma confidently announced. “We’ll just have to avoid cold water. That shouldn’t be a problem if we always keep an umbrella with us.”


“Unfortunately it’s not that easy,” Ku Lon explained in a sad tone. “The curses are much more vicious than that since they turn their victims into water magnets. And I’m not exaggerating. Water will inevitably find them. Now, back to the story. Our best witches warded the pool with an invisibility charm and a muggle repellant ward. The invisibility just does what its name says. The muggle repellant ward keeps muggles away. Whenever a muggle approaches the spring the ward urges them to go away. Wizards wouldn’t approach Jusenkyo anyway since they can feel the malevolence this area radiates. But we never took squibs into account since there are so few of them.”


Ranma was confused and couldn’t make head and tails of most of what he had heard. “Muggles? Squibs? Wizards? What are you talking about?”


“He doesn’t know?” The matriarch asked the bespectacled man.


This was it. The moment Genma had hoped would never come. The martial artist had hoped that he’d have more time to slowly ease Ranma into hearing the truth of his origins, but he couldn’t postpone it any longer. With a regretful tone he answered, “I wanted to keep him away from the Wizarding World. It has caused me much grief over the years and I’d have preferred to never hear of magic or have any contact with wizards and witches. The boy’s mother is a witch and belongs to a very old and powerful family. But I should start from the beginning and tell you how I met your mother.”


*** FLASHBACK ***


Genma Takahashi was walking through the streets of Nerima on his way to a baby shower. His best friend and training partner’s wife Kimiko had given birth to their second child just a few days earlier and he had been invited to celebrate the joyous event. He had even put on a suit instead of one of his usual gis, since he didn’t know who else had been invited and he wanted to make a good impression. No way would he be the one to stick out. It wasn’t a novelty for him since he had been present at the baby shower of Soun’s eldest daughter, but once again he was a little jealous of his friend who had married one of the kindest people he’d ever met. He wondered if there was anyone out there for him who would give him a heir to pass the art on to. Ah well, he was still young and who knows, he might find his own special someone soon.


Not much later he was standing in front of Soun’s home. The Tendo compound was the ancestral family home of the Tendo clan and very large by today’s standards. Yes, his friend had it all; Property that was worth a fortune, a beautiful and caring wife and two children already. Genma preferred not to think about it too much or he might be getting jealous.


The bespectacled man knocked on the door and not long after the Tendo patriarch himself opened the door, a large and sincere smile gracing his face and gave his old training buddy a friendly hug.

“Genma, it’s great to have you here. Come in, come in. I’m sure you’re eager to see the new addition to the family. You should really try married life. It’s worth it.”


Genma grimaced. “It’s not that I don’t want to, but I need to find the right girl first.”


“Ah, don’t worry. I’m sure there’s a girl just for you out there. You just need to find her. But today’s not the day to be gloomy, especially since the master’s not here. Let’s party.”


“You’re right, Soun. Onwards! To the baby and the sake. Oh, and before I forget, here, take this.” He took an envelope out of his pocket and gave it to his friend.


“What’s this?” The Tendo patriarch asked?


“I didn’t know what to buy for the baby, so I got you a coupon. I’m sure Kimiko has already made a list of things she’ll need for the kid.”


“That was very thoughtful. I’m sure she’ll appreciate the gesture. Well, let’s go. She’s on the first floor with the baby and our other guests.”


“Oh? Who else did you invite?” Genma wanted to know.


“Don’t worry, it won’t be overcrowded. Just a few neighbors and one of Kimiko’s old school friends. You’ll probably like her. She has spunk. Ah, we’re here. Everybody, I’d like you to meet my old training partner and very good friend Genma.”


Everyone stood up and bowed to the new arrival, who bowed to them in return. “Nice to meet you,” he said.


Soun introduced his guests and when Genma saw the auburn haired beauty talking to Kimiko he was immediately captivated. “And this is Kimiko’s friend, Nodoka.”


The young woman smiled at the handsome man and gave a bow. “I am Nodoka Saotome. Nice to meet you.”


Genma was speechless, but recovered quickly enough to greet her in return, albeit awkwardly.


After greeting the Tendo matriarch and her newborn daughter, Nabiki, he said hello to the couple’s eldest daughter, Kasumi, and made some small talk with Soun, periodically glancing at Nodoka. As the night were progressing and everything partaking in the various alcoholic brewages that were available he visibly relaxed and felt less like a stranger, even talking with the Tendo’s neighbors and initiating a long conversation with Nodoka, who had noticed the handsome bespectacled man too. They were getting along greatly, much to Soun’s and Kimiko’s delight.


Soun wasn’t oblivious and had noticed a while ago that Genma was a little jealous of him. So he had talked about it with Kimiko and they had hatched the plan to introduce Genma to Nodoka. Kimiko had known Nodoka for years, but had always thought she was too haughty for her own good. But with a powerful, pureblooded clan like the Saotomes it was almost a given. She was sure that the handsome rogue that was Genma, who didn’t have any family left and was traveling all around Japan most of the time, perfecting his art could be very good to brighten the naïve and sheltered girl’s horizon about what was out there.

And it seemed they had been right. Genma and Nodoka were talking for the whole evening and getting sloshed in the process. The girl was giggling and laughing as Genma was talking about his adventures on the road with Sound and Happosai and some of the things he had done. And as everyone was getting along splendidly no one had noticed the pair leaving. Kimiko and Nabiki had gone to bed while the party was still in full swing, leaving Sound and the neighbors to their own devices.


As the party was winding down Soun was looking for Genma and Nodoka, but couldn’t find them. He searched the house until he heard some loud noises coming from the guestroom. Intrigued he opened the door and caught Nodoka and Genma going at it like rabbits. He slowly closed the door and grinned. He knew that the old dog had it in him and was really happy for his training buddy.


He joined the party guests once again and bid them goodbye before he slipped into bed, snuggling up to his wife. A few moments later he was sound asleep.


The following day he was rudely awoken by a pair of shouts coming from the guest room and immediately got out of bed and ran as fast as he could into the direction of the disturbance.
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Postby deathgeonous » Mon Mar 16, 2009 9:59 pm

One vote here for continuing the flash back. I think you'd pretty much need to do so to tell the story correctly anyways.
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Postby Dumbledork » Tue Mar 17, 2009 12:28 am

Yeah, that's what I thought. But isn't it strange if a flashback is much longer than the rest of the chapter?
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Postby deathgeonous » Tue Mar 17, 2009 2:43 am

Nah, it's not that strange. I wrote a fic, (Though I haven't worked on it in forever, and it needs a rewrite badly now) That the entire fic was written with each chapter being over ninety percent flash back. Now that's excessive. I think you can make it work, for if the flash back helps the future of the story move along, then all is good.
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Postby Dumbledork » Tue Mar 17, 2009 3:40 am

Well, yeah. The flashback is VERY important for the story asit reveals why Genma took Ranma away from Nodoka and her family.
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Re: Veela One Half ch. 1 in snippets

Postby DCG » Fri Nov 20, 2009 5:32 am

Im rather disturbed you have Chinese amazons using British wizard insults so commonly. It kind kill the flow of the fic when the read stops and goes "Huh?"

For that mater genma as well. It smacks of poor plotting by the writer.
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Re: Veela One Half ch. 1 in snippets

Postby Dumbledork » Fri Nov 20, 2009 6:26 am

DCG wrote:Im rather disturbed you have Chinese amazons using British wizard insults so commonly. It kind kill the flow of the fic when the read stops and goes "Huh?"

For that mater genma as well. It smacks of poor plotting by the writer.


Good point. I'll make some changes to that. Maybe find some alternative words. Problem is I don't know any Chinese or Japanese so that would be difficult.
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