Daimakaicho 10 "peekaboo"

Bridging the gap between Ideas and C&C.

Post individual scenes that need doctoring, outlines, or other detail work that isn't quite ready for the C&C thread.

Daimakaicho 10 "peekaboo"

Postby Tuisto » Wed Jul 09, 2008 11:53 pm

I have been working on the fic again, am trying to make this scene really imposing.
Thought I'd post it, in case someone has a better idea.
The next scene, is the rest of the chapter, the funeral where everything insofar comes together.
And yes, the next scene's come back to Ranma and gang. oh and Tatewaki... heh...

ALSO! Who here thinks I need a guide to all of the Original Characters I'm pulling out? A type of primer maybe?

The Underverse, the place between places, the darkness to the light.
The single commonality dimension that housed the Demonic city's of Niffelheim and Musspelheim, and the Zones of the Damned: Purgatory and Hell itself.
Within the Underverse though, there is a Old, Old, long forgotten place, aged to the point that it had been purged from the memories of mankind, discounted as merely a myth by the Celestial Body, and spoken of in hushed reverent tones by the Infernal Forces.
The Place?
The Temple of Hild.
And Sith was standing at the main Gate.

The goldenskinned demoness, as harsh as she was, the self-famed 'goddess of evil', couldn't help but to be awed at the terrible majesty the intimidating building inspired in her.

Housed within a Spherical Void that glowed in hues of purple, where the light could play tricks on the mind and make you think you could see the stars through the veil of the void if only you stared hard enough, floated the massive structure.
A simply immense central Domed Rotunda that glowed with an unnatural whiteness against the contrast of the Violet sky was the bulk of the main Temple, in the Void, there was no comparative object to truly gage its size, but suffice to say Sith herself felt small in this towers presence.
Flanking the main Temple were two long Roofed Colonnades, each giant column itself was carved to represent different beings writhing in a silent agony: Wailing Goddess's pouring out tears of the divine, Humans, male and female, naked beaten and bloodied by cruel hands, and Demons, chained, suffering of torment and temptation. Hundreds and Hundreds of columns.

From where Sith stood, the Void was sparse, only the Arrival Gate of an arcanely carved stone floating in the ether, that lead up to the Grand Staircase, each step, also made of gray stone the floated independently of any structure leading up to the Fate of Hild's Temple.

This was not a place built by labourers and construction, no, this place was Spoken into Existence by the Word of Darkness Herself.

Tentatively Sith took the first step up to a place that was, to many entity's, a legend.
After a short climb of exactly 21 steps, she was at the Fuchsia colored Doors, and so she looked up, and up and up, noting how truly, mind-numbingly BIG these doors were. The only ornamentation on the vast double doors was the Black Six pointed star that the doors bisected.

With reverence for what she was a about to do, Sith pushed the doors open with both hands, and they did open silently with a great displacement of air that blew Sith's golden locks back as bright torchlight from inside illuminated her presence. A bystander would see a womanly silhouette in a doorway of all-encompassing coppery light.

Sith took a breath of the acrid smoky air, taking comfort in the awful stench, and for the first time in millions of years did she once again tread into the Halls of the Unholy of Unholy's.

Soon she was in the Central Chamber, and she stood facing Hild herself, metaphorically speaking.

Within the massive torchere lit room was Hild's Idol, a perfect likeness carved from the darkest, blackest stone polished until it shone. The face carved into a vicious snarl with lips drawn back, nostrils flared and the eyes backlit with a piercing soul-wrenching red glow and partially obscured by a smoky haze. The hair spun and styled from the finest Platinum and Silver to match Hild's chaotic spiked mane. Dressed in thigh-revealing bust-enhancing robes of Cobalt, Lapis-Lazuli and Pink Jade. Gold glittered in rings, earings, bracelets, necklaces, hair-ornaments and her Crown. The statue was posed with her right arm raised high and in that hand were three Silver bolts of lightning ready to smite all those that dared to oppose her, the other hand hung at her side clutching the hair of a decapitated goddess whose face was frozen into a scream. At the Idol's feet was a field of bones. Bones from every sentient species in the Universe that would Sin and fall from Grace and into her Dominion.

Sith was broken from her awe by the sounds of Chanting, slowly the elder demoness turned her gaze to the floor at the feet of the Idol to see The Priests of Hild, all dressed in full covering hooded black and violet robes, on their hands and knees prostrating themselves before their dark-goddess, chanting their prayer to her, swaying in time with their gregorian chants in the demonic tongue.
She also noticed that her entry had not gone unnoticed as what she suspected to be a High Priest, if the golden medallion with Hild's mark of Six point star was any indication, arose to greet her.

The Priest, whose hood hid him in darkness, bowed to Sith and said in a gravely whisper, “Greetings Mistress Sith, the Temple of Our Daimakaicho welcomes you once again, have you come to confess a Good Deed or to reflect and find the path of Darkness and Corruption?”

Sith gave a slight growl in her throat and said, “Neither little Atlantian.”
She smirked when she saw the priest jerk as if startled, so saying, “Oh, surprised that I know about you, eh? Your Order... humans that worshiped Hild, quite an amusing concept, and so your Order Wished to Hild “Eternal Life to serve, in exchange for Atlantis”, you never expected Hild to send Atlantis and all those millions of innocent lives to the Ocean floor, did you? Or that she'd turn you into what you are did you?” with that Sith ripped the hood from the dark-priest revealing a dead and desiccated but still animated human corpse that was more bones than skin.

The corpse/priest brought it's bony hands up to shield the remnants of it's face from Sith's gaze and asked in a shaking whisper, “Mistress Sith, what is your purpose here other than to denigrate us for our folly?”

Sith seemed to ponder this for a moment, then grinned at the amassed crowd of corpse/priests and said, “I have a message for Hild and this seemed to be the best place to give it.”
“A message to Hild, Mistress Sith. What type of message?” queried the High Priest/corpse.

Sith just grinned and slowly formed a buzzing meter wide circular disk of golden light in her open palm of her right hand and said merrily madly, “Oh Hild-Sama, it's Play Time!” and with that Sith lobbed the buzzing disk at the Idol of Hild, where it first buzzed through the floor leaving a furrow through the stone, then up the stature it went lightly cutting as it went before it deeply gouged the face and right eye.

'And so it begins in earnest' Sith though to herself madly as she began to throw dozens upon dozens of cutting disks of golden energy at the idol from many different vectors, knowing that this was guaranteed to get Hild's undivided attention.

Obfirmo absentis sententia... Imperium mens...
User avatar
Chibi Sailor Senshi
Posts: 378

Postby Sunshine Temple » Thu Jul 10, 2008 5:49 am

I like the reveal on what happened to the Atlanteans, nice to see that Hild is still a demon.

The temple scene itself is a bit imposing, but on rereading it, the whole things seems to be more of a sad reflection of the filly of the Atlanteans, and the other Hild worshipers.

Which is a good way to show that part of the devotion to an evil being.

You might want to make a quick overview of the Original Characters. At the very least a short version, including physical features, is very helpful to keep for writing reference.

A spoilerfree (depending on what point in the story) version can be a good reference for the reader too.

Though you may not want to limit it just to OC's. Canon characters that have had enough char growth to noticeably change should be included too.

Thanks for posting. It's nice to see this is being worked on.
Sunshine Temple
User avatar
Site Mistress
Posts: 2096

Postby Ellen Kuhfeld » Thu Jul 10, 2008 11:43 am

The apostrophe is used for contractions and possession. It is NOT used for plurals. Thus we have goddesses, not goddess's; deities, not deity's.

"...the Halls of the Unholy of Unholy's" (as one example) is a tricky one. It is, of course, a reflection of Holy of Holies. If you treat the Unholy of Unholies as the central sanctum of the temple, then the halls surrounding it would be its possessions. But the 'of' in the phrase takes care of the possession, and you still want the plural of Holy, which is Holies. Double possessives are even more silly than double negatives.
Visit Big Washuu's Lab of Arcane Knowledge at http://washuu.net
Ellen Kuhfeld
User avatar
Sailor Starlight
Posts: 1873

Postby ranmafan1 » Thu Jul 10, 2008 4:07 pm

I finally read this story from the beginning to the current scene written. Overall, it is a nice change of pace. I am not sure if I missed a point somewhere, but currently Hild stresses that there needs to be a balance and tolerates humans. However, in her flashback, she was directly against mortals. Did Kami-sama make her realize something? Or did she figure it out herself?

I do like the OCs, especially Sith. It will be interesting to see what her final plans are. Also, Ranma's teasing of Belldandy is delicious :wink:. Hopefully, we'll see more of that later :D. Keep up the good work!

User avatar
Senshi Candidate
Posts: 38

Return to Outlines and Scenes

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users