Scene of Siren's Calling C16

Bridging the gap between Ideas and C&C.

Post individual scenes that need doctoring, outlines, or other detail work that isn't quite ready for the C&C thread.

Scene of Siren's Calling C16

Postby WG_Writer » Mon Jan 07, 2008 12:04 am

Normally I am against posting just a scene for C&C and wouldn't do it, but I have one here that I really need advise on. It is a necessary 'meeting of the minds' and explain what is going on and what they can do type of scene. I also am sure most board members don't actually follow SC atm, so here is a short breakdown of what they are talking about as far as what was previously mentioned, and what I am trying to explain in the story. so if you read my fic then skip the code section.

Code: Select all
They currently are on the Moon Siren it has a problem where as it does not stay in "sync" with normal space-time.

When Ranma became Sailor Siren and went to the earth her connection to the moon, and her connection to Sailor Moon strengthened.  I know its tricky explanation but here is how it works, picture a ship (Siren Moon) that has a mooring cable floating in the water tied to a stick, this stick represents Sailor Siren, There is a rope linking Sailor Siren to Sailor Moon, and Sailor Moon has a rope connecting her to the pier (The "White" Moon).  Its a bit strange but the way it was setup was so that Sailor Siren and Sailor Moon's connection would effectively pull Siren into close proximity to normal space time.  Further there is two connections to the Moon keeping it near by in case something happens to that connection, One keeps it near Earth so it could be found again, and a second links it to Venus (as a secondary backup, which would be very bad for the populace right now).

The problem is that the Kimera are "jamming" the time gates.  This does not block Sailor Pluto from using them persay, but in this fic it is treated as a door, you open it and look out, only now it is stuck showing the wrong images.  Basically the jamming is causing an input/output failure where as the jaming places an illusion that everything is fine and no monster is attacking, when in reality there is a monster there killing people.  If she were to jump through it at that time the portal could appear in a crashed car, not being a god thing.

She can still teleport normally, but the gate is useless.  I am also adding the idea that since the gate is a "door to the future" then the senshi can only use their higher powers when the silver crystal in the future tells the gate to tell its past self that it is necessary.  but with the gate blocked like that it can't.  Worse is that if they could reach their higher powered states then the connection to their planets would be strong enough to tear through the jamming easily.  and the jaming is limited to the earth.  but since Siren is linked to the earth then their powers need to be drawn to the earth first.

Its a lot I know, this is a convoluted plot device.  Ironically if the senshi went to say The Moon (White Moon) the jamming does not exist that far, but the senshi don't know that.

This causes two side effects that affected the plot, first was that the farther out of time that Siren is the harder it is for Pluto to "lock on" with the gates (Lock on as in make a time portal on Siren).  The second effect is below as it es explained in this scene.



Now the way I intend to get rid of this jamming. Basically the time/space change is a sudden barrier, it has no real width, so as the senshi's powers reach the barrier they cannot pass unless they change "frequency" to match the time change properly. eventually the frequency will change to the extent that the jamming will not affect them any more when on Siren. This affects the gates as once the frequency is passing the jamming the gates can "see Siren properly" and The senshi can power up and blow past the jamming. The final side effect of the Jamming is that since Sailor Moon's link to the "White Moon" is hit by the jamming twice (once going to the earth, and once going to the moon, her connection to the moon is lessened, rather then how it was when both Siren and Moon were on the Earth, and jamming was causing a lessened connection by both, but both were strong enough to have properly stable links.

now finally for the scene, please tell me if it makes any sense, this is a pivotal scene in the fic and I really need the C&C on how to ensure that this is all explained and logical.


---


It was three days since the second team was sent and they had yet to check in. It was troubling but they were not out of time yet. If it were any longer then an invasion force would be sent, no more risks could be taken. Sailor Siren was no less worried about the problems the scout teams were having, unfortunately things were worse then she had expected as larger trouble had appeared.

Sailor Moon was looking at Sailor Mercury expectantly waiting for her verdict, the remaining Senshi were also in the room, but unlike normal Dekiko was elsewhere. After a few more key presses and a sigh Mercury looked up, “No matter how many times I do the math involving the time change, the answer is the same. Sailor Pluto is over a day late. She should have been here yesterday.”

Saturn frowned and spoke quietly almost going unheard, “Pluto-mama would never be late if she could help it. Something must be wrong. She only seems to arrive late to Senshi meetings because she likes making an entrance.”

Siren looked at the door and locked eyes with a guard who went stiff under the gaze, “Bring me the regent,” she looked to the others as the guard quickly took off, “there is something I gotta know.”

They didn’t have to wait long as the regent came into the room at a brisk but hurried pace, “Princess?”

Sailor Mercury guessing what Sailor Siren needed to know decided to ask for her, after all better to have it worded correctly, “When was the last time someone went to the Earth?”

The Regent looked confused, “Not since the banquet, once we found about possible traitors we locked down. Is there a problem?”

Sailor Siren nodded, “Pluto is late, a day late. She was suppose to give us an update on what was happening back home.”

Sailor Mercury spoke up again, “would you be able to send a team over to check what is occurring in Tokyo and check for the current time delay?”

Yobrin nodded then went to leave before Siren spoke up again, “Could you also have them check up on my family,” pausing as the other Senshi looked at her, “our families?”

Nodding again the regent left. For the next hour the various girls just waited, and did what they could to prepare, as such they were startled when the door opened and the regent returned around an hour after she left. The Regent looked worried and spoke up, “We sent a few teams to Earth but from what we can tell the time lag has worsened... badly. It is about one day on earth is a twelve here.”

Sailor siren, who was sitting on the throne stood up in shock, “I though me being near Sailor Moon was fixing it? When I first came here it was no where close to this bad, it was only one day was four on earth!”

She was ready to start screaming more when Pluto ran into the room. This had the Senshi gawking, she never ran, she always teleported if it was important. Pluto started speaking as soon as she was in the room and stopped talking, “Sorry for not coming sooner, but the gates can barely read Siren right now. If my guess is right then within half a day Siren time The Moon will phase completely beyond its range. And as such I’m unable to teleport around here.”

Seeing the worried looks she decided to put the obvious questions aside with quick answers, “The Jusenkyo Kimera Demons surged briefly a few attacks but they were contained. The damage they have done since you left is minimal. However, they are building their forces and preparing an attack soon. I estimate that they will continue to do so for a month, Earth time.”

Sailor Moon looked thoughtful for a short time, when she finally spoke everyone recognized it as her serenity persona, even Ranma, “Can you slow them down?” After seeing Pluto think for a moment then nod she continued, “Given the situation and how unstable the lag between Earth and Siren is we can’t leave now. But we shouldn’t leave earth either, especially with the Kimera building forces. We will need to split up and take this as a two sided attack. Any ideas?”

Mercury replied first, “We only really need a few of us here right now, Sailor Moon, Siren, Saturn and myself are the obvious choices. The others should head back and run a ‘gorilla war’ against the Kimera to keep them off balance until things here get resolved.”

Venus asked the one question that plagued everyone, “Why don’t we all just go to the earth then come back? I mean the time delay is bad right? So why not use it to our advantage? After all when life gives you lemons, get outta dodge!” Everyone in the room groaned, Venus feigned ignorance, but Jupiter was sure that even she realized the goof. Her friend wasn’t that bad, of that she was sure.

Mercury answered her question after she recomposed herself, “Venus, the time lag is the other way, if we went to the earth for two hours now, it will have been a full day when we return.”

Sailor Venus winced at that oversight but did have a follow up, “Then why don’t we bring everyone here and deal with the problem here first, then deal with the problem on Earth?”

The blue headed warrior thought for a moment then spoke, “The problem is the differential between Earth and Siren, even after Sailor Siren returned to the Earth and started working with us it took time for the time difference to reverse. This is due to the link Sailor Moon and the rest of us share. Once Sailor Siren was building up this link near moon this link acted like a bridge between the White Moon and Siren to pull Siren into phase with the Earth. It was slow to effect because the barrier separating Siren from the rest of the universe was reducing this power. Right now this is apparently affecting the Silver Moon Crystal.”

Dekiko interjected quickly, “Would that not mean you should all go back until it evens out?”

Sailor Mercury shook her head, “It’s not that simple. If we do go back at this time, it will take about a month Siren time for the time to come close to sync again. Honestly I am surprised at how fast we are being pulled apart even now. Before Sailor Moon came here two days ago the sync was still strong and close, only about an hour or two off by my estimation. This means that what ever is doing the jamming of the gates is also operating on the same frequency between Sailor Moon and the White Moon.”

The blue skirted book work took a breath and continued, “I think the best plan is to ride this out, or to find the source of the jamming. The source would have to be on the Earth.”

The gate guardian looked confused then realization appeared on her face, “Of course, if the jamming is blocking the gate, it would have to be there because that is where we were, and when we were on Siren the time differential caused the same problem by naturally compounding the problem. When on Siren we pull our powers from the Earth.”

Sailor Siren suddenly interjected, “Jusenkyo!” The other Senshi looked at her sharply, “Where else would a device be able to hide from magic scanners and be a good place for our enemy to hide it.”

Dekiko added, “Of course, a place where you could build a magical army of artificial demons undetected would be ideal.”

Jupiter had to enquire, “But why does that mean staying here, instead of just assaulting Jusenkyo?”

Mercury thought for a moment of the best way to put it, “Ironically its simpler then it sounds. Even magic follows certain physical laws, even if it’s in its own ways. Magical power works on wavelengths just like all other types of energy. Further our links to our planets are two ways. If we stay here until we hit that critical threshold then the magical barrier will not matter when we call for power. The gate will be able to get a clear lock since the barrier will not matter, and, in theory once we power up to super mode after that point, the barrier should not matter. “

Dekiko decided to add something she read, “According to the records if something happens to Siren to cut its connection to the Earth, it will link to Venus instead. It was a backup plan incase the earth was destroyed due to the number of Venus colonists present.”

Everyone looked around at each other, although most did not know what any of that meant, it was decided that the plan was the best one.

Yobrin-mao finally found something to ask, “So, exactly what is the plan? And how will this affect the civil war that is starting up here?”
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Postby Sunshine Temple » Mon Jan 07, 2008 12:19 am

Don't worry Wargiver.

The forum has a place specifically for what you want.

I'll look at it tommorow. Have to sleep now.
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Postby Spokavriel » Mon Jan 07, 2008 12:45 am

Actually I have read the 18 parts on ff.net (Prologue through chapter 15). Just nothing more recent because I haven't seen anything saying there was more yet.

Mercury replied first, “We only really need a few of us here right now, Sailor Moon, Siren, Saturn and myself are the obvious choices. The others should head back and run a ‘gorilla war’ against the Kimera to keep them off balance until things here get resolved.”
Gorilla war doesn't seem to be something Ami would say. I can easily see her saying 'The others should head back and do what they can against the kimera' I just don't see how any suggestion would leave Sailor Moon out of the fighting. In canon more than 70% of the time she's the only one that can truly finish the enemies.

Do you have "The White Moon" used often? Because just thinking about how many things with Serenity's line and all wouldn't having it be the Silver Moon be better?

Once Sailor Siren was building up this link near moon this link acted like a bridge between the White Moon and Siren to pull Siren into phase with the Earth. It was slow to effect because the barrier separating Siren from the rest of the universe was reducing this power.
Clear as mud. Instead of starting with once maybe beginning with When and then saying what happened link wise in chronological order first making the link between Ranma and the Siren moon then Sailor Siren and Sailor Moon would be clearer. Right now I still have next to no clue what is being linked or anything other than the word link is being used.

They time differential is easy the links are still not defined. Just based on chapter content there wasn't even anything pointing out clearly there was jamming. How is any jamming known about?


The blue skirted book work took a breath and continued,
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Postby Spokavriel » Mon Jan 07, 2008 7:59 pm

Just adding a few more thoughts. The story never points out Why or how the existence of Sailor Siren is helping the planets sync. All the statements have simply been that it is and well that has left so much unknown about how that this moment finally needs to show to be clear on why things are going differently.
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Postby Sunshine Temple » Mon Jan 07, 2008 9:51 pm

The dialog is good, but you're right, as a meeting of the minds it does explain things a bit much.

Though I suppose they do need to mention this subject.

It is possible to trim it maybe. But for a meeting of the minds it works.
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Postby WG_Writer » Mon Jan 07, 2008 11:41 pm

Lots of good points and as best I can I will implement all suggestions (I had a longer, better post then this but firefox crashed for some reason and the post didn't take or something.


Silver moon is better then white moon. so I will change that immediately.

Just adding a few more thoughts. The story never points out Why or how the existence of Sailor Siren is helping the planets sync. All the statements have simply been that it is and well that has left so much unknown about how that this moment finally needs to show to be clear on why things are going differently.


This I will have to address, it was mentioned in passing around chapter 6 I think... not sure exactly. But I should remind the situation. the only trouble I have with this situation is that it conflicts with Sunny's suggestion.

The dialog is good, but you're right, as a meeting of the minds it does explain things a bit much.

Though I suppose they do need to mention this subject.

It is possible to trim it maybe. But for a meeting of the minds it works.


I guess I need to prune it a bit. I would hate to rewrite the entire scene but I need to simplify the main points.

1. Siren requires a connection to the Silver Moon to properly anchor itself to the Earth. It does this by making the connection through both Senshi
2. The jamming on Earth by their enemies is causing the timegates to not lock on properly, it is being bounced effectively to alternate universes and not its own. as such when Pluto opens it to look at where the senshi currently are to ensure everything is OK and sees that, she is actually seeing an alternate universe and in reality the senshi could be broken and beaten, thus the gates are useless, worse then useless since they can not be trusted at all in this timeframe, even from the future looking back to this time. (a mouthfull I know but important)
3. The way that higher level powers are accessed by this system's senshi is by having the silver moon crystal ask the timegates if there is need, if the answer is yes then higher access is granted. (This is not mentioned but a possible plot point later) The senshi could normally by-pass this through being in severe physical danger but the jamming blocks this too.
4. (this part was not said but I plan on adding it as I saw a plot hole needing plugging) The link Sailor Siren has to Siren is also tied to the earth, the Kinseino home acts as a relay and the "old shed" is a link. As such she has a proper link to siren even when on Earth, still blocked from higher forms like the others, however her's is different, it will be explained why later, either this chapter or next, simple answer at this point is she doesn't have that form yet.
5. The Silver Crystal is unable to communicate to with the Silver Moon properly at the moment Sailor Moon can draw power, but like all senshi (except Siren) that power is being hit by the jamming twice, once getting to Earth, and once getting to Siren, as such Sailor Moon and Sailor Siren are actually weakening the connection by her being here instead of them being there. However nobody is aware of the relay point yet so they think going to the earth now wouldn't help.


I think those five points cover what I need to cover. any opinions on that?
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Postby Spokavriel » Mon Jan 07, 2008 11:56 pm

It is going to be purgatory working all of that into the scene without ending up with a Council of Elrond.
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Postby WG_Writer » Tue Jan 08, 2008 12:57 am

Spokavriel wrote: It is going to be purgatory working all of that into the scene without ending up with a Council of Elrond.


I know... Its just... I had most of this information seeded throughout the entire fic, point one was somewhat stated when Dekiko arrived on earth, point two was stated outright, although some of it did have to be dredged, as it was implied and not stated directly. point three was only halfway explained, and some of the details can be left out meaning it WAS said to some degree. point four is entirely new, and five was again implied but not stated out right.


I guess I just got to bite the bullet and redo it... tomorrow...

Thanks for being critical, this scene is pivital for this arc, and fortunately arc two will require less thinking as Ranma will be fully a team member and things will settle paving the stage for part two.

(I am so going to piss my readers off with the part one ending, I just know it, Part 2 will be just as bad.)
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Postby Spokavriel » Tue Jan 08, 2008 1:01 am

I can remember where those other points are stated. It's just the things that were only implied before are choosing to bite. Good luck
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Postby WG_Writer » Mon Feb 04, 2008 2:11 am

sorry it took so long, I have many interests and they all demanded too much time recently, combined with randomized work schedules and sleeping habits it made it hard to find time to write.

but I refined that scene. I think I fixed some of the problems with it but want more imput if its not too much to ask. I hope I got it right this time, and thanks again!

Note I broke it up into two scenes to cut back on the scene length.

--


It was three days since the second team was sent and they had yet to check in. It was troubling but they were not out of time yet. If it were any longer then an invasion force would be sent, no more risks could be taken. Sailor Siren was no less worried about the problems the scout teams were having, unfortunately things were worse then she had expected as larger trouble had appeared.

Sailor Moon was looking at Sailor Mercury expectantly waiting for her verdict, the remaining Senshi were also in the room, but unlike normal Dekiko was elsewhere. After a few more key presses and a sigh Mercury looked up, “No matter how many times I do the math involving the time change, the answer is the same. Sailor Pluto is over a day late. She should have been here yesterday.”

Saturn frowned and spoke quietly almost going unheard, “Pluto-mama would never be late if she could help it. Something must be wrong. She only seems to arrive late to Senshi meetings because she likes making an entrance.”

Siren looked at the door and locked eyes with a guard who went stiff under the gaze, “Bring me the regent,” she looked to the others as the guard quickly followed her orders, “there is something I gotta know.”

They didn’t have to wait long as the regent came into the room at a brisk but hurried pace, “Princess?”

Sailor Mercury guessing what Sailor Siren needed to know decided to ask for her, after all better to have it worded correctly, “When was the last time someone went to the Earth?”

The Regent looked confused, “Not since the banquet, once we found about possible traitors we locked down. Is there a problem?”

Sailor Siren nodded, “Pluto is late, a day late. She was suppose to give us an update on what was happening back home.”

Sailor Mercury spoke up again, “would you be able to send a team over to check what is occurring in Tokyo and check for the current time delay?”

Yobrin nodded then went to leave before Siren spoke up again, “Could you also have them check up on my family,” pausing as the other Senshi looked at her, “our families?”

Nodding again the regent left. For the next hour the various girls just waited, and did what they could to prepare, as such they were startled when the door opened and the regent returned around an hour after she left. The Regent looked worried and spoke up, “We sent a few teams to Earth but from what we can tell the time shift has worsened... heavily. It is about one day on earth is twelve here.”

Sailor siren, who was sitting on the throne stood up in shock, “I though me being near Sailor Moon was fixing it? It was only one day here was four there a couple months ago!”

She was ready to start screaming more when Pluto ran into the room. This had the Senshi gawking, she never ran, she always teleported if it was important. Pluto started speaking as soon as she was in the room and stopped talking, “Sorry for not coming sooner, but the gates can only barely read here right now. If my guess is right then within half a day Siren time The Moon will phase completely beyond its range. And as such I’m unable to teleport around here.”

---

Mercury noted that it was an hour after Pluto arrived with her news they went to work figuring out the problem’s cause, however it was now time to explain their findings to the others, something which neither wanted, but she chose to deliver it herself. She sighed and took a look around the room before beginning, “We think we know what is going on with the time delay, but there is no simple way to put it so we will have to explain the important points first and then what it means.”

She looked around and noted that all the Sailor Senshi had their eyes on her; she wished Dekiko was here as she had gotten accustomed to her new friend’s presence. She began the explanation with the most important point, “First thing to remember is that Siren requires a connection to the Silver Moon to properly anchor itself to the Earth. It does this by making the connection by channeling through Sailor Siren then to Sailor Moon who is the anchor for the Silver Moon.”

Minako interrupted, “Silver Moon?”

Seeing Mercury’s irritation Pluto stepped up, “Sailor Moon’s Moon, that was its official name in the Moon Kingdom’s time.”

Nodding in thanks Mercury continued, “The jamming on Earth by the Kimera is causing the time gate to not lock on properly, it is being bounced effectively to alternate universes and not our own. And this causes it Pluto to see, when she is looking at where the we currently are to ensure everything is okay, she is actually seeing an alternate universe and in reality the we could be broken and beaten, thus the gates are useless at the moment,

Pluto interjected with irritation on her face, “Worse then useless since they can not be trusted at all in this timeframe, even from the future looking back to this time.”

Mercury continued, “The next point makes sense in this context, and as Pluto said when this all started, the way that we access our higher level powers are through the silver moon crystal ask and it asking the time gate if the threat warrants it. Although we normally could by-pass this safety the block that is affecting the time gate blocks this too.”

Ranma, or Sailor Siren at the time had to ask, “While this is all well and good, how do you explain the link improving while I was on Earth?”

Siren’s sailor skirted fiancée answered, “Your family home has a magical link on it that acts as an amplifier to your powers, it does help ours but there is degradation, specifically the link between the silver moon crystal and the silver moon. Sailor Moon still has her powers but anything beyond her basic abilities may be unavailable.”

To the veteran Sailor Senshi in the room this left the question about her resurrection abilities, although they hated relying on it, its absence made them concerned.

Sailor Moon looked at Sailor Siren, “Its your call, we can stay here, split up, or go home, but none of these options appeal to me.”

Sailor Mercury interrupted, “I would advise against splitting the two of you up, we may be wrong in our theories and keeping the two of you together will strengthen the connection, hopefully. The problem is that we just don’t know.”

Venus fell into her second in command role as she snapped to her next decision, “I think Sailor Moon and Siren should stay here, and only Pluto should return to the earth right now, possibly Saturn, but I would rather she stay. We need to stabilize things here soon, but we can’t neglect the Earth either.”

The time guardian nodded, “The Kimera surged briefly a few attacks but they were contained. The damage they have done since you girls left is minimal. However, they are building their forces and preparing an attack soon. I estimate that they will continue to do so for a month, Earth time.”

Sailor Moon looked thoughtful for a short time, when she finally spoke everyone recognized it as her serenity persona, even Ranma, “Can you slow them down?”

Pluto nodded as Moon after a moment in thought

Mercury thought about the problem and came up with a battle plan, “We only really need a few of us here right now, Sailor Moon, Siren, Saturn and myself are the obvious choices. The others should head back and run a war of attrition against the Kimera to keep them off balance until things here get resolved, they need the springs so that is where the others should attack their supply lines, or at least run a few selected ambushes to weaken their numbers.”

Venus asked the one question that plagued everyone, “Why don’t we all just go to the earth then come back? I mean the time delay is bad right? So why not use it to our advantage? After all when life gives you lemons, get outta dodge!” Everyone in the room groaned, Venus feigned ignorance, but Jupiter was sure that even she realized the goof. Her friend wasn’t that bad, of that she was sure.

Mercury answered her question after she recomposed herself, “The problem is the differential between Earth and Siren, even after Sailor Siren returned to the Earth and started working with us it took time for the time difference to reverse. With the jamming if they leave now then Siren may move to far out of sync and be unable to return. “

Jupiter, who despite not completely following everything wanted to go the direct approach, added, “Then we will need to remove the source of the Jamming so we can get this all sorted out.”

Sailor Siren suddenly interjected, “Jusenkyo!” The other Senshi looked at her sharply, “Where else would a device be able to hide from magic scanners and be a good place for our enemy to hide it.”

Dekiko added, “Of course, a place where you could build a magical army of artificial demons undetected would be ideal.”

Yobrin-mao finally found something to ask, “So, exactly what is the plan? And how will this affect the civil war that is starting up here?”

Sailor Moon made her decision, “Sailors Siren, Mercury, Saturn and myself will stay to deal with Berryl’s followers. Pluto, Venus and Jupiter will return to the Earth. Venus, Jupiter, and Tuxedo Kamen will defend Tokyo while the others assault Jusenkyo to take out the transmitter.” Everyone nodded and muttered agreements, but then she added, “One final thing, don’t take unnecessarily risks please. Stay safe.” As much as they wanted to promise that to her none of them could do it as all wondered if it was theirs to promise.
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Postby Ellen Kuhfeld » Mon Feb 04, 2008 12:03 pm

Mercury continued, “The next point makes sense in this context, and as Pluto said when this all started, the way that we access our higher level powers are through the silver moon crystal ask and it asking the time gate if the threat warrants it. Although we normally could by-pass this safety the block that is affecting the time gate blocks this too.”

OH, this really needs repair. "...are through the silver moon crystal ask and it asking..."?
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Postby WG_Writer » Tue Feb 05, 2008 12:29 am

How did I miss that? Hows this?

---

Mercury continued, “As Pluto first told us, there is a safety blocking our higher level powers and it is controlled by the silver moon crystal which identifies the threat level using information provided by the time gates. With the gates blocked the crystal can not get the needed information and assumes there is no threat. Also, although we normally could by-pass this safety the jamming is somehow blocking this way as well.”
Storm trooper effect works against good guys as well.
No matter how strong you are, there is always a teenager able to beat you without breaking a sweat.
A blind Paladin can only hear half truths
A deaf Paladin can only see half truths
Either way the Paladin is a berserker
WG_Writer
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Moon Senshi
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