Temple of Ranma's Sailor Senshi Seifuku

Posted: **Sun Sep 17, 2006 2:29 am**

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3156523/1/
Title: Jurian Stallion
Author: CA3D-Tweakmeist
Overview: Ranma/Tenshi Muyo/Sailor Moon Crossover with Potential Moose x Washu & Ranma x Tsunami Pairings, good overall idea, but needs a little grammar and spelling help.
Shows quite a bit of Potential.
Edited to Add:
Author posted this on thier FF.net Profile

Just to clarify. Jurian Stallion is an old un-finished piece that was sitting on my HD for a long time. What has been posted so far is the quick and dirty start of it. It is un-edited and practically raw. I will be re-writing it from scratch under a new name shortly and will post a completed fic when I do finish it. I don't like to have to wait on more chapters when I get really into a fic so I won't make others do that with my work. When I have completed the re-write I will submit it to selected proof readers, polish it, and post it in it's complete form.
To those of you who have submitted reviews to Jurian Stallion, thanky you for the comments and much needed criticism. Hopefully I can meet all your expectations in a month or two when the re-write is finished.

Posted: **Sun Sep 17, 2006 4:42 am**

Next time please give the title, writer's name, and a breif (two sentance or so) info about the fic.

Posted: **Sun Sep 17, 2006 8:46 pm**

I read about half of it. It's a reasonable first effort, and the basic english mechanics (grammar and spelling) were okay, however, there were some things that could be improved:
Several characters do a largish, super fast, change in personality with little or no justification
More importantly, the story narration is very linear, with little character development or expression and little variation in pacing or tempo. (this happens, then this happens, then this happens, etc, ad infinitium.) Equally therefore, little tension.
Hopefully, the author will improve and develop.
-- Pat

Posted: **Mon Sep 18, 2006 2:13 am**

Sunshine wrote:Next time please give the title, writer's name, and a breif (two sentance or so) info about the fic.

Sorry, was in a rush.

Posted: **Mon Sep 18, 2006 8:49 am**

So why not give that information now? It's not too late to correct the first error.

Posted: **Sun Oct 01, 2006 11:51 pm**

sorry, been working to much overtime...
Details added as requested.

Temple of Ranma's Sailor Senshi Seifuku

Potental FukuFic

Potental FukuFic

not recommended