The NEW Fanfiction Quote Topic

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Re: The NEW Fanfiction Quote Topic

Postby Atlan » Wed Jan 27, 2010 3:34 pm

First, I'm gonna have to quote the summery:
Suit Up! reviews
Seeing Setsuna depressed, Negi decides to give his student tips on how to pick up girls like he does. Wait, WHAT? Setsu/Harem, Yuri, crossdressing, Stinson-ness, CRACK!



Negi sighed as he stared at where Setsuna was sitting morosely on a bench. The girl was much happier these days, especially when Konoka was around, despite how much she blushed, but when she was alone, she had a tendency to get angsty-ly philosophical about the state of her life, Konoka, her happiness, Konoka, her ability to protect as a body guard, Konoka, What other people would think if she decided to admit to and try a homosexual lifestyle, and Konoka. He felt she was over-thinking things. Considering this is Negi Springfield talking, that meant a lot.

He considered the course of action he was going to take. On the one hand, in violated an Important part of the CODE: the never allow certain members of the population to know about the CODE. On the other hand… this was one of his students! And she was hurting. He had to do something!

A thought came to him and he straightened, realizing that a certain part of the CODE, the most important part, already told him what to do.

Bros before ho’s, after all. And whatever else could be said about Setsuna, she was butch enough to be considered Negi’s Bro.




Negi smoothly interrupted her again. He knew it was rude and uncharacteristic, but if he gave her a chance she’d sabotage herself. “Setsuna, what if I told you I can not only give you the confidence to confess your feelings to Konoka-san, not only get her to go out with you, not only teach you how to get her willingly into bed, but also to be able to pick up women as well as I do?”

Setsuna opened her mouth in instinctive protest, but it remained open and silent as Negi’s words finally registered properly in her brain. Finally, she said, “Wait. You KNOW you’re doing it?!?!?!”

Negi permitted himself a grin. “What, you think it was my innocent charm that turned nearly the entire class into raging pedophiles?”





From Suit Up! A Negima (with shades of How I Met Your Mother) fic
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5699544/1/Suit_Up
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God made it with a non-slip surface, a color coded system so we know when to eat it, and an easy open tab at the top of the banana. It's just the right shape for a mouth and is easy to digest!!
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Re: The NEW Fanfiction Quote Topic

Postby Comartemis » Thu Jan 28, 2010 11:28 am

From A Match Made In Hell, a Kingdom Hearts crackfic that pairs up two of the villains and gets everyone together for their wedding, whether they want to be there or not. Everyone. This is a scene from the bachelor party.

Sora and Roxas had promptly set out to find Riku and, unsurprisingly, got very lost and disoriented in the crowd. It was impossible for Sora to keep his bearings with dancers always knocking him off balance with their wild gyrations and making it extremely difficult to concentrate, and the tried-and-true method of loudly calling Riku’s name in hopes he’d answer didn’t work due to the noise from the crowd on the dance floor.

Not only that, Sora still saw no sign that his other friends were there. In a place this big, he had as much chance finding them as he did the bathroom, not that he needed one at the moment. (Yet.) “RIKU?” Sora called loudly anyway, just to make certain his friend wouldn’t answer. “KING MICKEY? ANYONE?” There was, unsurprisingly, no answer. But hey, he had to try.

They’re probably on one of the upper levels, Roxas pointed out.

“I know that,” Sora snapped.

Then…why are we still down here?

Sora flushed. “I have no idea where the stairs are.”

Ah. Well, if we find the wall, we can probably follow it until we reach the stairs, don’t you think?

“Good idea.” With this new goal in mind, Sora determinedly began wading his way through the crowd towards the far wall. At least, he hoped he was heading towards the far wall. He couldn’t really see very well over all the people or monsters between him and there. But eventually, they did find the wall…and someone else too, which was a surprise to both the brothers.

“Cloud!” Sora cried in overjoyed surprise, grateful to see a friendly (ish) face among all these villains. “What are you doing here?”

Cloud, a tall young man with very spiky blond hair, a long black trenchcoat with only one sleeve, with a metal wolf’s head buckle strapping the shoulderpad on his left arm on, and an enormous sword wrapped in bandages for some reason, didn’t even really look at Sora, just stared off into the distance through half-lidded eyes. “I’m searching,” he said enigmatically. “For my darkness. When I defeat him, I can finally rest.”

His darkness? Asked a confused Roxas.

“Sephiroth,” Sora muttered, both to answer Roxas and reply to Cloud. “You think he came here? To this wedding?”

“I sensed him,” Cloud said, still enigmatically. “I can smell his taint, his dark presence. He is near. I shall find him, and then I will defeat him, and end this nightmare for good.”

“Oh, okay,” Sora said. “Uh, by the way, have you seen Tifa recently?”

“…No,” Cloud said brusquely.

“Really? Because I think she’s been looking for you for a while. She implied as much when I met her.” Sora frowned. “You’re not…avoiding her, are you Cloud? I mean, that’s not very nice. She likes you a lot. It’s kind of rude.”

“…Sephiroth is my fight,” Cloud said coldly. “She has nothing to do with it. It’s between me and him, nobody else.”

“Oh, so you’re avoiding her because you don’t want her to get hurt? Well…let me tell you from experience that’s kind of a stupid idea, Cloud. That’s just going to make her more determined to help you,” Sora said with a frown.

Cloud frowned back. “Who asked you?” he said, even colder. “This is my life and Sephiroth is my business. Not yours.”

Sora rolled his eyes. “Sheesh, you should probably join the same group Riku’s going to for therapy…oh, and Sephiroth’s right over there.”

“What!” Whipping out his giant bandaged sword, Cloud whirled around and came face to face with his most hated nemesis. “SEPHIROTH!”

“Hello, Cloud,” said Sephiroth calmly. He was a tall young man, well-muscled, wearing a long black coat with white metal pauldrons open at the front and revealing his impressive abdomen, which had a pair of crisscrossing straps over his chest and several belts wrapped around his lower torso. What looked like small demonic wings or fins grew from his lower arms. A pair of great black feathery wings poked out of the insides of the coat, spreading away from his legs and towards the ground, near his belted black boots. A third, much larger wing, sprouted from behind his right shoulderblade. In his left gloved fist he held a ridiculously long katana, its blade even longer than he was tall. His very long silver hair fluttered in a nonexistent breeze, strands of it blowing across his glowing green eyes. “Thank you for coming…to my reunion.”

“Um, actually it’s Maleficent’s wedding,” Sora pointed out, only to be ignored.

“As long as you exist, I can’t wake from this nightmare,” Cloud said dramatically. “You are my darkness.”

Sephiroth gestured widely. “If that’s so…I shall draw you into the darkness. Into the nightmare that forever deprives you of light, from which you can never awaken.”

Sora blinked. Both mortal enemies drew their swords and began gathering power, Cloud crackling with red energy and Sephiroth with blue. Wineglasses shook, dust fell from the ceiling, the audio systems screeched, pebbles spontaneously levitated into the air, and a baby cried somewhere. With a quick move from his free hand, Sephiroth switched on a music player concealed in his jacket, causing the operatic notes of his theme song ‘One-Winged Angel’ to fill the air, or would have if they weren’t drowned by the funk/rap/rock/heavy metal/unidentifiable music being put out by the DJ.

With battle cries, Cloud and Sephiroth charged at each other…

And bounced back, their swords not even striking each other. “Hnnh?” grunted a confused Cloud.

“What is this strange power?” wondered a puzzled Sephiroth.

“Oh, um…Maleficent kind of cast this Truce spell to keep people like you guys from fighting each other,” Sora said apologetically. “Otherwise, most of her guests would kill each other.”

“…I see,” said Sephiroth, putting his sword away and switching off his music player. “Then I suppose this is not the most opportune place for a battle. I shall see you later, Cloud-“

“NO!” Cloud protested, infuriated. “I spent months tracking you down after you last disappeared! Now that I’ve found you, I won’t let you get away! I WILL finish this!”

Sephiroth smirked. “And how do you propose we do that, if we cannot battle to the death as we both desire?”

“There’s still ONE way,” Cloud said, his eyes steely cold, extending a fist. Narrowing his eyes, but still smirking, Sephiroth extended his fist. And then…

“One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war!”

The two swordsmen clasped hands and immediately began clashing their thumbs against each other, Sephiroth turning his music player back on to give their battle a dramatic background. “You cannot win, Cloud. Give in to the dark.”

“Never! As long as I still draw breath, I will never let you win!” Cloud growled, his thumb bobbing left and right in an attempt to draw Sephiroth’s thumb into making a lunge that would leave it vulnerable.

“You cannot win, Cloud, not as long as you cling to the darkness,” Sephiroth intoned, jabbing his thumb at Cloud’s.

“That’s not true!” Cloud hissed angrily, striking Sephiroth’s thumb with his own.

“You do not let go of the past, and that is why you fail. It’s because you don’t let go that I will always return, no matter how many times you strike me down,” Sephiroth said with an evil grin. “And it’s because of that…” His thumb went flat against their joined fists for a split second, tricking Cloud into foolishly trying to pin it down with his thumb. Sephiroth’s thumb quickly slipped away and slammed down onto Cloud’s, pinning it down and ending the battle. “That I will always win.”

“NOOOOOOOO!” Cloud screamed in agony and despair, falling to his knees as Sephiroth chuckled cruelly, savoring his victory as the latin-spewing singers of his theme song hit a high note. Guests looked at them. Sora stared blankly, not quite sure what to think of this moment.

Cloud leaped back to his feet and glared at Sephiroth. “Best two out of three?”

“Very well.” And so the war began again.

Scratching his head, Sora turned and walked away. “Well, that was strange.”

Your friends are weird, complained Roxas.

“Oh, and all of your old friends were the image of normality?” Sora retorted.

Hmm, good point.
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Re: The NEW Fanfiction Quote Topic

Postby Neko- » Thu Feb 04, 2010 12:59 pm

One from 'Gaijin' by CarrotGlace:
Spike and Gia looked up. There was a small hole in the ceiling and a little black cat's head poked out. Luna narrowed her eyes and gave a sharp toothed grin. “Ceiling cat will find them. No one can hide from ceiling cat.”

For the ones not getting the (obvious) reference (I'm figuring since it's a clean picture, and the only possibly offensive bit is in the text that accompanies the picture this one is safe to post, if the mods feel otherwise, mark the link and remove the tags :P):

Image
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Re: The NEW Fanfiction Quote Topic

Postby Ellen Kuhfeld » Thu Feb 04, 2010 1:05 pm

This fic turns improbability into an art form. Can you find anything with Artemis as Basement Cat?
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Re: The NEW Fanfiction Quote Topic

Postby Neko- » Thu Feb 04, 2010 1:56 pm

Well, chapter 40 of Gaijin does mention this:
The animal scowled at him. “Did she make you call yourself 'Artie, the strongest cat in the world'?”
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Re: The NEW Fanfiction Quote Topic

Postby Té Rowan » Thu Feb 04, 2010 5:52 pm

This clip from Kenko's "Girl Days" (a very quotable fic) is among my faves:

The sound was like unto the wailing of a soul cast into the pits of Hell, an agonized cry of misery and pain that caused the flesh to crawl and the teeth to shake. Within that scream was the concentrated agony of a lifetime's suffering compressed into a single, ululating bawl.

"ANOTHER MONTH?!?" howled Ranma.
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Re: The NEW Fanfiction Quote Topic

Postby Té Rowan » Thu Feb 04, 2010 5:57 pm

Another fave, from Gregg Sharp's "A Fistful of Omake":

“Pandas may be an endangered species but that doesn’t excuse attacking innocent boys!” A girl with a really ridiculous hairstyle and a cheerleader costume declared.

“Attacking hunks is something best left to teenage girls,” declared a similarly clad girl with a red bow in her hair. On seeing her team-mates stare at her she blinked. “What?”

“I recognize those eyes,” said a girl with short hair and a blue uniform. “That’s no panda. SHINE AQUA ILLUSION!”

Genma dodged and began to run. He might have made it if he thought to drop Ranma.

“DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!”

“Mercury’s scary,” said Sailor Moon to enthusiastic nods from the rest of the team.

Then it began to rain. On seeing the black-haired boy turn into a red-haired girl, Sailor Mercury got even more upset.
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Re: The NEW Fanfiction Quote Topic

Postby Neko- » Fri Feb 05, 2010 2:41 pm

I don't think I ever read that last one... Got a link to go with it?
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Re: The NEW Fanfiction Quote Topic

Postby Ellen Kuhfeld » Fri Feb 05, 2010 3:08 pm

Neko- wrote:I don't think I ever read that last one... Got a link to go with it?

That 'last one' is more like a 'last dozen'. And every one is good, though some are better than others. My personal favorite is "Spring of Drowned Tigger."

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/557133/1/A_Fistful_Of_Omake
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Re: The NEW Fanfiction Quote Topic

Postby Té Rowan » Fri Feb 05, 2010 5:26 pm

Innortal is good, too, in the omake (outtake-y shortfics) genre. The Time Loops are so made of win.
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Re: The NEW Fanfiction Quote Topic

Postby Té Rowan » Sun Feb 28, 2010 7:58 pm

From Miriani's Hikari no Daija:

"Whoa," Mitzi whispered. "Is she The One?"
Melange smiled. "She Knows Kung Fu."


From Digifruit's Icha Icha Fantasy:

... And Naruto was surprisingly lean, a metrosexual type of lean that made him into total yaoi-fangirl bait. ...


From Fyre/Fyrie's The Eighth Weasley:

Professor Flitwick beamed across the table at [Buffy]. "Severus, your closest friend," he said cheerfully, giggling when she flashed a dark look at him. "Everyone forgets that the dear fellow is really very clever."
"A smart ass, you mean," Summers muttered.
Flitwick gave her a thoroughly naughty look. "Oh, and he has one of them, too."
Summers and Granger stared at him, very proud of themselves when they actually managed to blink.
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Re: The NEW Fanfiction Quote Topic

Postby frice2000 » Tue Mar 02, 2010 12:03 am

From Davner's Ah! My Goddess!: Haloes Chapter 26

Urd is just recovering from a massive fight and Keiichi has just prayed her awake, all very touching and well written then:

..."In fact, there are those who now say that Keiichi san has 'affected' the social fabric of Heaven," Sif went on. "Since that day, there have been many a granting goddess that has emulated you and Urd."

"Emulated?" Belldandy asked, but Sif didn't go into it, choosing instead to finish the story.

Sif smiled, both in happiness in amusement. "Then... looking up at him with weak and pained eyes, she said three words that they'll never... ever... forget..."

Belldandy, moved by the story despite its implications, wiped a tear away. "She told him she loved him."

The other goddess cleared her throat. "Um... well..."

Seven years ago...

Urd smiled up at him, and Keiichi took her hand. She swallowed again and struggled to make her voice work, finally making three soft, croaked words...

"Monkey pirate ship..."

Keiichi blinked in bewilderment as the goddess fell asleep again, totally at a loss as to what just happened.

888

"'Monkey pirate ship?'" Belldandy asked.

"'Monkey pirate ship,'" Sif quoted again.

Belldandy stared at her friend, waiting for the "Ah, I'm just kidding," or something similar.

"Monkey... pirate... ship..." she repeated slowly.

Sif nodded sheepishly. "Hai... Monkey pirate ship."...
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Re: The NEW Fanfiction Quote Topic

Postby Comartemis » Fri Mar 19, 2010 1:01 pm

From Harry Potter and the Invincible Technomage

"What's this?"

Harry had been home for three days, and had finally cracked the books for his project. He looked up from the book he was taking notes from and discovered his father had picked up one of his drawings and was examining it. "That's a rough draft of a block diagram for a school project."

"This looks like you're going to be trying to build a computer from scratch?" Tony asked. "Fun."

"I'm working on the processor section, but yeah, that's the project. We promised a calculator, but we're trying to build a computer."

The elder Stark sat down across from Harry. "That's always a good plan, promise low, deliver as high as you can." He returned his attention to the drawings. "Interesting. Not electrical I take it?"

"No, we're trying to use the ambient magic in magical structures."

"Hmm." Tony picked up a pen from the table and started making a few notes of his own. "How big is your team?"

"Nine of us." Harry said absently as he made a few more notes on processor design. "I think that's about the minimum number we're going to need to be successful, but we've got some forceful personalities involved… That might make it interesting."

"Smart creative people almost always have forceful personalities, it's pretty much part of the package." Tony said, crossing a few line out on the diagram.

"Dad." Harry said, having noticed what his father was up to.

"You know, if we did a little work over the next few days, you would be well on your way to…"

"Dad."

"And this summer, we can hit the fabbers down in the lab," He paused to examine the sample rune set for an 'and' function for a second, "These symbols conduct your magic somehow I take it? I think we could get these symbols etched fairly easily…"

"Dad."

"What size casing for the final processor do you think?"

"DAD!"

Tony looked up surprised at Harry's shout. "What?"

"This is a school project Dad. A School Project. I'm not using your fabrication facilities. We're going to earn our grades and learn something. I can't let you take over."

"I don't take over your projects." Tony said with a pout.

"Cub Scouts."

"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about," The billionaire said defensively.

"The Pinewood Derby?"

"So I helped a little."

Harry presented his father with a long suffering look. "Oh, yes. The car you 'helped' with broke the freaking sound barrier and buried itself three inches into a concrete wall."

Tony grinned. "It looked really cool doing it though. And I still say it was regulation, there were no moving parts beyond the wheels."

"For a Cub Scout Pinewood derby you broke several laws of physics when you gave a wooden car a 'frictionless surface' and managed to isolate it from planetary motion. It broke the sound barrier Dad. The sonic boom blew out every window in the gym, and broke quite a few across the street."

"It beat Reed's car."

"You do realize that the competition between you two isn't the healthiest thing in the world don't you? Once he saw that you had developed a linear accelerator that used the axles of the car to accelerate the car along its own axis, then he figured out a way for his wooden car to project a pinhole singularity in front of itself, so that it was in an ever accelerating free fall. Reed destroyed the track with that stupid thing."

"Destroyed the track AND lost to my car." Tony pointed out with a grin.

"Franklin and I couldn't show our faces at the meetings for months after that without someone bugging us about 'the car incident'"

"We fixed everything. That pack is the only one in the world with an indestructible six lane Pinewood derby track complete with a finish line timer accurate to a picosecond… And a nice video score board for showing instant replays of the finishes."

"They're also the only pack in the world with restrictions against mad scientist fathers helping with projects. Don't forget the Raingutter Regatta. Balsa wood boats aren't supposed to throw up a rooster tail, or attack the boat in the next lane. That's what got us thrown out of Cub Scouts."

"I still say Reed was cheating."

Harry just looked to the ceiling. "I suppose I should just be thankful that Dr. Doom didn't have a kid in the school district. God knows what might have happened then."

"My car would have kicked his gun metal grey butt too."

"Dad!"
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Re: The NEW Fanfiction Quote Topic

Postby camk4evr » Sat Mar 20, 2010 3:11 am

From Thrythlind's newest fic: House of Aensland

"What the hell was that?!" Haruka demanded as her mind started to come to itself.

"Morrigan Aensland," Setsuna said. "Head of House Aensland and effectively queen of the Makai Realm...or at least the part of it that can be dealt with on any respectable manner."

"And what is she doing on Earth?" Michiru asked.

"She's looking for virgins," Setsuna said.

"Oh, good luck with that," Hotaru muttered, drawing every eye, including Setsuna's, toward her.

"Excuse me?" three adult voices said at once to the teenager.
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Re: The NEW Fanfiction Quote Topic

Postby camk4evr » Sat Apr 10, 2010 3:19 am

From Miko2's Girl's School Chapter 22
The Anything Goes Magical Loligoth Cupcake Girl Appreciation Society


Yeah, I know. It's not really a quote per se (as it's the name of the club) but I just find the idea amusing.
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