The NEW Fanfiction Quote Topic

Where stuff about fanfiction that doesn't fit into any other category goes. Try to make sure that new topics here actually couldn't actually go somewhere else.

Postby Not-Going-to-Tell » Mon Apr 27, 2009 8:30 pm

bissek wrote:From A Plan Gone Awry:


Damnit! I know I have to update that, please stop reminding me!I'll get to iteventually.
There are times for magic, there are time for martial arts, and there are times for giant Tiger-Dragon Robots that have both.
Beware the Otaku. He commands a mech that can unleash 123632 gigatons. Thats the equivalent of shooting Chicago, and knocking down ever building from Colorado to Maine.
Not-Going-to-Tell
User avatar
Senshi Cadet
Posts: 159
 

Postby Kakanma » Wed Apr 29, 2009 12:48 am

From "GARdian of Truth" http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5000343/1/GARdian_of_Truth

“The spirit of a man is besieged by many things, but ultimately, with persistence and determination…” he looked at the card, the image was clear, the time was now! “Nothing is beyond his grasp!” the card smashed in his stalwart grip, releasing an otherworldy azure flame that surrounded him. From this intense aura a haunting figure stepped out.

It resembled the facsimile of Izanagi that Izanami gave to Souji, Adachi and countless others. But its coat was a shocking scarlet, bright and vibrant, unlike its Magatsu counterpart, the shoulder straps spiked. Yellows decorated its elbows and knees, with two patches of orange on its chest that seemed to glare in the twilight. Its masked face was decorated by a sickle of gold that reminded her of the holy moon and what looked like jet black spectacles covering its eyes. And in the place of the Amenonuhoko’s blade, was a large drill.

A shout from Souji revealed this new Persona’s name.

“Slamming down the boundless odds and unsurpassable limits, a soul of purest flame burns forth to put the Fear of Man back into god! The embodiment of a will that goes beyond such trivial standards such as bold or daring! IZANAGI NO GURREN!!!”

At this, the goddess realized how much the Junior had changed. What had happened to the quiet, reserved youth that she had shaken hands with almost a year ago? Where the hell did this screaming MAN come from? “What has gotten into you?”

“Fighting Spirit.” He said simply, his fingers putting on a pair of jagged red shades that resembled the one his Persona wore. “And now it’s my turn.”


How Persona 4 should have ended.
"You mean...You'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword and we'll try to kill each other like civilized people?"
Kakanma
Senshi Cadet
Posts: 52
 

Postby Thrythlind » Tue May 05, 2009 11:22 pm

From Innortal's "Shinobi One-Half"

Ranma twitched as he heard yet another angry hiss.

“I have told you multiple times already,” said the formless voice of Rokubi. “You cannot meet or play with him until he has his fear under control, until he is one with his awakened spirit.”

“… Meow?”

“Now I know you are doing this to simply torture me, you worthless ball of—oh no you don’t! You stay away from him until he controls his fear!”

It had been like this for hours. He would practice the meditation Rokubi taught him that in theory would help him over his Nekoken fear and allow him to access the technique. After that, he would have to work on accessing it at will, but the main part would be that he would be free of the fear.

“Hssssss!”

“I am much larger than you, foul kitten!”

“Can you guys cut that out?” yelled Ranma, glaring into the darkness before him. It didn’t really matter, as none of his senses could pinpoint where the duo were. All he knew was that it was damned hard to concentrate with all they were doing. “At this rate, I’ll have to spend all my time meditating in the real world!”
Thrythlind
User avatar
Senshi Candidate
Posts: 38
 

Postby Thrythlind » Sat May 09, 2009 4:52 pm

From Innortal's Shinobi-One Half

“Kuchiyose no Jutsu!”

The group turned back, spotting a cloud of smoke around Anko. As it disappeared, it revealed several varieties of snakes, most the size of a large dog and the smallest the size of a housecat.

“Okay guys,” said Anko, arms extended, “you’re here to search the ground, eat anything not human, and report if you see something that doesn’t belong.”

“Ah, I love a dinner date,” hissed one python, as they slithered off.

“I guess I better send off for some genin teams,” chuckled Minato lightly. At least Anko’s snake summons wouldn’t try to eat them. Plus, Kushina had just gotten her first genin team, it would be nice to spend some time with her, even if he had to help watch some fresh ninjas go about doing a D-class mission—C-class if there actually was something living out there in the overgrown lawn.

“AAAAHHHH!” came a cry from the bushes. “IT’S GOT ME! IT’S GOT ME!” screamed one of the summons, before it dispersed in a thick plume of smoke.

“Okay, some chuunins as well,” muttered Minato.

“… Perhaps we should all head inside now,” offered Nabiki, as she strode quickly into the house. Whatever was in the decrepit old building had to be better than whatever had killed that snake.

Thrythlind
User avatar
Senshi Candidate
Posts: 38
 

Postby bissek » Tue May 12, 2009 7:36 pm

From GojiRanma. In this story, Shampoo fell into the Spring of Drowned Vorpal Bunny.

(cue: jaws theme)

Genma swam along, beginning to tire as pandas were not meant to swim oceans.

Slowly, rising behind him, two tiny eartips began emerging from the waters.

Genma swallowed and stopped, nervously looking around. She couldn't be HERE could she?

Genma spun around just after the two eartips had vanished beneath another swell.

Genma tried to convince himself it was just his imagination, turning forward again.

The two eartips crested again, lengthening until they were shown to be long thin ears.

Genma began chuckling to himself about his imagination.

Genma Saotome
Species: Tastius Tailisen

The two ears began closing in, leaving a slight wake behind them.

Shampoo
Species: Rabbitus Chompius Chompius

Music climaxes. Screen goes blank.

Scream of pain and anguish.
Genius is 1.7% inspiration, 98.6% perspiration, and .4% poor math skills.
bissek
Moon Senshi
Posts: 1088
 

Postby Atlan » Fri May 15, 2009 12:41 am

On the plus side, girls in America seemed less prone to randomly cooing, hugging, pinching and generally molesting little boys than their Japanese counterparts. That was why Negi was only stopped seven times instead of the twenty he’d figured he would be and made it sooner to the principal’s office than expected.

He lost about ten minutes being fawned over by the secretaries and other faculty staff before he could show his paperwork. After being made to wait while phone calls were made to determine that, yes, this wasn’t a joke of some sort, a bemused principal went about telling him his schedule and trying to look cool as she tried to decide whether or not to ask about his staff.

Which was how he found himself standing in front of a classroom with a new class list, lesson plan, and a feeling of impending doom, students looking at him curiously as they slipped inside. It wasn’t until this moment that he’d realized a serious lack in his teaching experience.

There were BOYS in this school.

He didn’t know how to deal with boys, except maybe in a fight, or maybe a faculty meeting! Girls were easy! Stay in front of the class, never turn your back for too long, don’t let them take off all your clothes, never look when they ultimately got naked for one reason or another and never, ever get involved with them, confessions, kissing and stripping be damned! Dealing with boys sounded much harder, though the last three rules probably still applied.


From Eureka no Mahou Sensei, A Negima fanfic

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4837471/3/E ... hou_Sensei
The Banana, the Atheist's Nightmare:

God made it with a non-slip surface, a color coded system so we know when to eat it, and an easy open tab at the top of the banana. It's just the right shape for a mouth and is easy to digest!!
Atlan
User avatar
Asteroid Senshi
Posts: 924
 

Re: The NEW Fanfiction Quote Topic

Postby Not-Going-to-Tell » Sat May 23, 2009 5:12 pm

From The_Hitchhikers Guide To The Stage of History, Cervantes meets Yoshimitsu.
He looked to the other end of the pier and noticed something most curious. There was an armored man quietly sitting in the lotus position against a railing. He looked like an oni, or some kind of undead, at first glance, but he was assuredly not one of the crew; Cervantes’s men were wholly Spanish. The captain approached this stranger, and Soul Edge thrummed on his back with a warm glow. It’d seem this was no undead or demon, but a living man, albeit a most curious one. And logically, if every living man was terrified of Cervantes de Leon…then why was this one not running? Clearly, he was so ensconced in his meditations that he didn’t realize what was going on around him. Well, the Terror of the High Seas would soon fix that. He stepped forward and addressed the bizarre Japanese man. “Ho, there, stranger! Cease your meditations and gaze upon greatness!”

There was no answer. Cervantes fumed.

“I said HO THERE! Respond, you scurvy cur, or feel the bittersweet taste of steel and despair, with a dash of paprika!”

His shouting apparently roused the man, whose head suddenly jerked upright. “Eh? Wha-huh? Sorry, I must’ve fallen asleep; what’d you say?”

This only served to further infuriate the captain. Who was this fool, who would DARE to deliberately doze during the descent of his death-dealing doom-dwellers? “Who are you, stranger?”

“Who am I?” responded the strange man…or WAS he, in fact, a man? Cervantes now noticed that his right arm seemed to be made entirely out of wood, and it appeared that his mask had been affixed completely to his skull, perhaps in a tragic carpentry accident. His voice, too, was bizarre; it sounded like he had the wisdom of many years while maintaining the vigor of youth. “Who are we all, indeed? Who are we other than souls in the wind?”

“What? What is this fallacy?” demanded Cervantes, his eyes wide with bewilderment.

“Fallacy? All is fallacy. Namu-amida-butsu.” What? This stranger’s mind was on a completely different level from his! How could this be? Cervantes drew Nirvana and gestured with it threateningly. “Come now, you!” he demanded. “Why do you speak the way you do?”

The response he got absolutely blew his mind: “The cypress tree in the courtyard.”

Having never heard of Buddhist koans, Cervantes was astonished. He had never been face to face with anything like this before. This man was strange…he was unnaturally calm in the face of terror such as the great Cervantes de Leon…he was clearly old and wise, but still as vigorous and powerful as a young man…he spoke in riddles that it would clearly take an intelligence beyond Cervantes’s to comprehend…and he had been involved in a tragic carpentry accident.

Cervantes de Leon, who had been raised as devout a Catholic as any Spaniard was in his childhood, could come to only one jaw-dropping, awe-inspiring conclusion.

Clearly, this man was Jesus.
There are times for magic, there are time for martial arts, and there are times for giant Tiger-Dragon Robots that have both.
Beware the Otaku. He commands a mech that can unleash 123632 gigatons. Thats the equivalent of shooting Chicago, and knocking down ever building from Colorado to Maine.
Not-Going-to-Tell
User avatar
Senshi Cadet
Posts: 159
 

Re: The NEW Fanfiction Quote Topic

Postby Neko- » Tue May 26, 2009 11:45 am

Hybrid Theory by Blade and Epsilon - From chapter 30:
"You must know the old hag," VesVes said, stepping forward. "She was really, really old! Like, over thirty!"

"She had a rack!" PallaPalla shouted.

"You mean a rake," JunJun said. "She fought with a rake."

"She also had a rack," CereCere jumped in.

"That's true!" VesVes agreed, nodding rapidly. "Uh... and she had black hair..."

"No, wait!" JunJun interjected. "She would have had white hair! Remember, she stopped being a midget one day."

"Oh right!" CereCere agreed. "Personally, I don't know why she spent so much time as an ugly old midget. It was very disturbing."

"Did she spend all her time here as a midget though?" PallaPalla asked.

"Maybe she spent some time here as a non-midget too."

"Maybe the midget is in the eye of the beholder?" VesVes offered. The girls all thought about this for a long moment, nodding and frowning studiously to each other.
Appointed Spammaster Rank D by Himitsu - June 21st 2006
Appointed Spammaster Rank C by Himitsu - September 2nd 2006
Prince of Bob (the Black Hole)
I reject your reality and substitute my own - Adam Savage
Neko-
User avatar
Cosmic Power Senshi
Posts: 9779
 

Re: The NEW Fanfiction Quote Topic

Postby APN » Wed May 27, 2009 2:04 am

From A Goddess' Dreams by Slayer6

Chapter 12:

Keiichi watched the retreating Goddess a moment before walking towards his wife. Reaching her, he gently placed his hand on her shoulder.

“Bell?” he asked softly.

She gently reached up and covered his hand with her own.

“I’m fine Keiichi.” She said softly. She then opened her eyes and smiled at him.

Keiichi’s eyes widened in surprise.

Belldandy’s eyes were glowing a bright white, like small furnaces. A small frown appeared on her face as she looked at her husband.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“Your eyes.” Keiichi whispered.

“Oh!” Belldandy blinked and her eyes returned to their normal bright blue. “It’s a side effect of the upgrade.” She then gave him a small smile. “It will only happen when I’m using my full power.”

“Oh.” Keiichi replied.

Belldandy suddenly was worried. “Keiichi? Are you…….”

Keiichi placed his finger on her lips, halting her speech.

“Bell,” he said, “Are we going to have to go through this every time you think I’m bothered by your powers?” He then smirked. “What happened to that great memory your supposed to have?”

Belldandy removed his hand and smiled.

“I am a girl after all.” She replied, “Sometimes we just have to get reminded.”

“Well…..” Keiichi said, “Let’s start reminding you with this.” He then pressed his lips to hers.

“Sigh.” Skuld watched her sister and brother-in-law through heavily lidded eyes. “Kawaii.”

“Why is he sticking his tongue down her throat?”

Skuld’s eyes narrowed at Selene’s voice.

“Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it kid.” Came Urd’s voice. “Besides, he could stick his tongue in other places…….”

Skuld’s face fell into her hands. ‘There’s an image I don’t need.’

“Selene….” Came Lind’s voice. “I think it’s time we left before Urd corrupts you further.”

“What do you mean corrupt?” Urd snapped back, “I’m a good influence! Look how well Belldandy and Keiichi are……oh…….hello!”

“Selene….we are leaving NOW!”

“Where the heck did Bell learn that? I never taught her that!”

“What is she…?”

“Selene! Inside! Now!”

‘I don’t want to look up I don’t want to look up I don’t want to look up.’
APN
User avatar
Senshi Candidate
Posts: 39
 

Re: The NEW Fanfiction Quote Topic

Postby Kakanma » Tue Jun 09, 2009 11:26 pm

From Chivalry Chapter 5 http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3564037/5/Chivalry

Ah, young love.

It would have been so much more gushy were it not Ichigo who Orihime was fixated on. That union would have spawned orange-headed terrors that would require Karakura to put padding on every sharp corner and college level questions on every junior high exit exam. Big breasted, freakishly tall, karate girls. Clumsy, naïve boys who could cook stew that would kill off a herd of elephants. They would all be stunningly gorgeous and, using their cherub good looks for cover, they would slowly take over Karakura with a horde of giant robots manufactured by their insane doctor of a grandfather. The rest of the world would soon follow.

…. I’m spending too much time around Orihime-chan. Her imagination is invading my own.

Orihime must have sensed us or heard us, because she turned around to look at Mizuiro and me at the top of the stairs.

“Tatsuki-chan? Kojima-kun?”
"You mean...You'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword and we'll try to kill each other like civilized people?"
Kakanma
Senshi Cadet
Posts: 52
 

Re: The NEW Fanfiction Quote Topic

Postby CRBWildcat » Wed Jun 10, 2009 1:43 pm

From Fenrir of the Shadows' Twilight of the Thunder God:

It was the noon after meeting Pain-sensei. What Sasuke could say about the guy was little. As the Uchiha casually stared at the blue sky, a few thoughts came to him. The man was intimidating enough to keep that love struck ditz Sakura off his case… at least for a while. That was definitely a plus. However, he and Naruto seemed rather at odds (even if it was one sided), and knowing the dobe, that probably was not going to be the last time Sasuke heard about knife tossing. Lost in a heavy trail of thoughts, Sasuke was about to trudge into his house when he heard a voice he was not in the mood to deal with.

“Yo, Sasuke-kun! Congrats on passing the Genin Test with flying colors, though, sorry you got… who got for teammates.” After doing a rapid double-take, Sasuke merely sighed at the sight of his uncle.

Damn, how did I almost miss this?

Normally, Sasuke would have deadpanned something back to his uncle, but the way the guy was dressed made that impossible. Despite it once being thought impossible, Uchiha Obito was wearing even bigger, goofier goggles than the norm. He was adorned in a pair of navy blue overalls, heavy work boots, a solid black T-shirt, and a pair of heavy work gloves. Sticking out of his back pocket was a red bandana moist with his sweat and blood. How did I miss him?

However, his ridiculous look paled in comparison to one tiny factor. The elder Uchiha was struggling with some weird machine. It was long and narrow with a gas tank and engine on one end and what appeared to be a miniature fan on the other. Try as he might at pulling a loose cord, the device simply would not activate no matter how hard he heaved and tugged.

“Um, what are you doing?” Sasuke finally managed to spit out.

Obito raised an eyebrow high in the air before looking at himself and the crazy contraption he was wielding. “Oh this? I got a notice from Hokage-sama saying our yard was atrocious! Geez, what would you expect when only two people live in a monster place like this? Anyways, he assigned me a mission to get this place in tip-top shape. I’ve already trimmed the hedges, cut the grass, weeded the flower beds, and raked every last leaf.”

“Then, what’s that thing for?” Sasuke said pointing at the device his uncle held.

”Oh, this sucker? It’s a weed whacker. I have to get the edges of our lawn in decent shape. Thing is though,” Obito gaze a good size tug to the cord of the weed whacker, “I can’t get this damn thing activated…” Then an idea dawned on Obito like the morning sun. “Hey, kiddo, I got it!”

Sometimes he swore the man never had it to begin with. “What?” Sasuke asked with a heavy sigh of annoyance. Seriously, he had much better stuff to be doing at the moment.

“Alright, I’ll stand here and brace myself. You grab the cord and give this sucker the biggest yank you can manage, okay?” Sasuke supposed he could do something so petty. After all, the whole thing would only take a few seconds out of his vital training time.

Having several years of hiding his true feelings of his uncle’s crazed antics, the younger Uchiha simply nodded in response. Obito took a firm stance one the ground before holding the weed whacker’s cord out for Sasuke. The boy firmly grabbed the cord, but he hardly had to give the contraption a pull before the power tool came roaring to life.

How did this idiot have trouble with this thing in the first place?

However, Obito seemed totally oblivious to the little effort it had taken. He smiled broadly at his nephew before shouting over the roar of the weed whacker. “Thanks, kiddo! I guess all it took was a big jerk!”
Image
Senshi of Zeta Aquilae
Spammer Rank C --- from Himitsu, 10-25-07. "Holy @!#%!, she made Zelas cry."
SpamLady Supreme --- from Colonel Caprice, 8-16-2017
Song of the week. Updated Sundays/Mondays.
CRBWildcat
User avatar
Super Power Senshi
Posts: 31354
 

Re: The NEW Fanfiction Quote Topic

Postby Deric » Fri Jun 19, 2009 11:25 pm

From Rebellion by TatraMegami Ch 28

"Since when do we have a super-spy?" Draco had asked during the meeting. His kitten was perched on his shoulder, looking superior and dangerous in a kitteny way.


and, a few paragraphs later:

"We get armbands signifying our roles in the Rebellion?" Luna was delighted.

"No, you get armbands signifying your worship of the Devil," Harry corrected.

"The devil?" Hermione practically shrieked, staring down at the three sixes decorating the armband.

"We're going to see how long it takes for someone to notice our new arm-wear, and then inform them that we worship the devil. You'll see, Snape will notice," Harry answered.

"You are twisted," Draco said, hints of appreciation in his voice.

"Thank you. Now, Rebellion away." Harry punched his fist in the air and raced away, leaving the rest of the Rebellion staring after him.

"And not in a good way," Draco added to his last sentence.

"When did Harry go insane?" Neville asked.

"A long, long time ago," Ron solemnly replied.
Some people work to achieve peace and harmony.
I'm not one of them.
Deric
User avatar
Senshi Candidate
Posts: 35
 

Re: The NEW Fanfiction Quote Topic

Postby Atlan » Fri Jul 17, 2009 6:25 am

I was about 7, as I recall, when Mighty Morphin Power Rangers first aired in my country (New Zealand). I remember getting into epic fights with my little brother- usually ending with him bleeding and crying, and mom yelling. I remember when she forbid us from watching Power Rangers ever again. A month or two later, Power Rangers was banned from New Zealand television for being too violent.

Power Rangers has, to my knowlege, never returned to New Zealand television since.

This is ironic because Power Rangers Wild Force, Power Rangers Ninja Storm, Power Rangers Dino Thunder, Power Rangers SPD, Power Rangers Mystic Force, Power Rangers Operation Overdrive, Power Rangers Jungle Fury and Power Rangers RPM were all made in New Zealand.

That's 8 out of 17 seasons.

Out of morbid curosity, I downloaded an episode or two of Dino Thunder to suport the local film indrustry, you understand- and saw Tommy again! And his trademark mullet was gone!

I googled this- wondering if there was any intresting explanation. There wasnt, but I did find this on fanfiction.net.

“…You wear Wal-Mart clothes, don’t you.”

“So does everyone who isn’t you. Besides, I have four different color obsessions now. If I shopped exclusively at the mall, I’d be broke, and besides, I’m a teacher, so I’m broke enough as it is. But don’t worry. I shop other places, too.”

“Sure you do.”

“I do!”

“Uh-huh. I believe you. Oh, speaking of you and fashion, do you have a hairdryer I can borrow? Trini packed really light, figuring I’d have mine, and Kira didn’t bring one, either.”

“I don’t, actually. Mine disappeared during the move to Reefside, and… well… my hair was short by then, so…”

“What did happen to your hair?”

“Eh… it’s not a very good story. More of a… more of a trauma than a story.”

“So tell me.”

“Well…”

“Come on. You can tell me. Besides, if you don’t, I’ll get the story out of Trini anyway.”

“Eh…”

“Where Kira can overhear. Maybe Conner and Ethan and Trent, too.”

“All right, fine, you win.” He sighed. “Well… you see… it was back in college. I was working at this family-owned Italian restaurant—you know, pizza, pasta, that sort of thing. And they had gas stoves. So I was trying to light this stove, right, and—”

“Wait. You can cook now?”

“No. Which is part of why I lost my hair.”


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Flashback


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


“Damn it!” Loretta fairly screamed, thrown another burnt match down on the counter next to the gas stove.

“Shh! You know how Mr. Ditrapani feels about swearing around the customers,” Tommy admonished as he walked into the kitchen. “I can hear you from the dining area.”

“He’s my dad. Doubt I’m getting fired,” Loretta snapped.

“What’s the problem?” Tommy asked, attempting to be diplomatic.

“My problem is Mario’s off today and I’m trying to cook and I’m failing!”

“I thought you said you were a great cook.”

“I am. On an electric stove. You know, the thing that normal people use? I can’t get this stupid thing to light!”

Tommy looked at the knobs thoughtfully. “Don’t you just turn it to ‘lite?’ That’s what Hayley does.”

“‘That’s what Hayley does,’” Loretta mimicked in a childish, whiny voice. “What does Tommy do? Let me guess—get a job at a pizza place so he doesn’t starve to death?”

“I’m just trying to h—” Tommy began hotly.

“Don’t listen to her,” interrupted Anthony, Mr. Ditrapani’s eldest son, who was currently washing dishes. He had a knack for pinning down every single personality trait in anyone who came into contact with him. “She always gets rude when she’s upset. You can tell when she’s about to cry, because she tries to slug you.”

“I’m gonna slug you in a minute,” Loretta growled, her lip quivering.

“Give me the matches,” Tommy said more patiently, used to both the temperamental Loretta and the philosophical Anthony by now. “Let me see if I can do it.”

Leaning close to the stove like he’d seen Hayley do, he made sure the gas was on, then struck a match and held it close to the burner. Blue flamed whooshed to life.

Orange flame whooshed to Tommy’s ponytail.

“ACK!”

Tommy whipped his head back on pure instinct, grabbing at his head. A still-wet spot of alcohol from when he’d spilled a customer’s drink on his shirt came into contact with the dwindling ponytail as the stench of burning hair filled the room; the next thing he knew, his entire arm was on fire.

Screaming incoherently, Tommy leaped away from the stove, just in time to miss the dishpan of water Anthony lobbed his way; most of it splashed harmlessly against Tommy’s leg, which had yet to catch fire (thankfully, now it wouldn’t). Loretta dove backwards out of Tommy’s way as his hair was burned away, right up to the hair tie that held his previously-long hair at the back of his neck. The tie dropped off, landed on the fiery shoulder, and was set ablaze before falling down towards his dry pants leg.

In about three seconds, Tommy was going to be on fire from head to foot.

Thankfully, his fellow pizzeria employees were out to save his life.

Loretta, now backed into a corner, grabbed the closest liquid-like item she could find—cold tomato sauce that she’d been planning to prepare once she got the stove lit. She seized the whole pot of it and heaved.

Anthony, not backed into a corner, was now out of dishwater, but he didn’t think he’d have time to fill a bucket. So, with a battle cry worthy of any do-gooder, he grabbed the fire extinguisher off the wall and cut loose.

The tomato sauce hit Tommy just a moment before the freezing cold chemical, thick red gunk splattering all over his back and down half of his flaming arm. No one got a chance to see if it did the trick, because Anthony began dousing Tommy in icy carbon dioxide.

Anthony ran the extinguisher until it was emptied; extinguishers, contrary to popular belief, only work once, and once they stop they’re useless. So Anthony would later blame this action on extensive knowledge of how extinguishers work, while in reality he was just so shocked and terrified that he didn’t have the wherewithal to stop. He continued to spray, while Tommy’s scream became a high-pitched screech of shock as the cold blasted away the fire and seeped through his uniform, chilling him to the bone.

Finally, the extinguisher ran empty.

Tommy was no longer on fire.

He was, however, covered in red gunk, white gunk, and freezing his ass off.

There was utter silence in the kitchen. All three of them struggled to wrap their heads around this phenomenon and failed miserably.

At last, Tommy spoke.

“Am I bald?” he whimpered.

“N-no,” Loretta stammered, dropping the saucepan with a clatter.

“I caught fire,” Tommy said blankly.

“We fixed it,” Anthony offered, wide-eyed and shaking.

The kitchen doors swung open, admitting a furious Mr. Ditrapani. “What the devil are you people doing? I can hear screaming all the way in the…” Mr. Ditrapani got a good look at the kitchen—the white spray clinging to everything, the sauce splattered everywhere, the dirty water all over the floor, and the three traumatized employees. “Good heavens…”

Loretta looked at him.

Anthony looked at him.

“Hi,” Tommy said through now-chattering teeth.

“Tommy caught fire,” Loretta explained.

“We put him out,” Anthony added.

Tommy bent down and picked up his hair tie, which was damp with tomato sauce and dishwater; it had landed in the puddle Anthony created with his first attempt to extinguish Tommy.

“I have to go,” Tommy said dazedly. Dripping with cold, congealing liquid, Tommy staggered out of the restaurant.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

End Flashback


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


“You can stop laughing now.”

“Hahahahaha…”

“Really, you can.”

“HA!”

“It’s not that funny.”

“HAHAHA!”

“…It gets worse.”

Kimberly struggled to control herself. “It… ha! It does? HAHA!”

“I didn’t know what to do,” Tommy said with a sigh. “I was in shock. So I did what I always did in a crisis back then—I went to see Hayley.”

“Oh, g—hahaha!—god, what did—ha!—she s-s-say hahaha?”

“Well, the trouble with going to Hayley for advice just then… was that she happened to be in class.”


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Flashback


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


“So Beowulf defeated Grendel alone, using no weapons, as weapons were useless against the monster. What is the symbolism in the ineffectiveness of weapons?”

Hayley sighed as none of her classmates raised their hands. She’d been so busy taking all the math and science classes she could that she’d forgotten English, and so now she was stuck spending her time reading stories she’d memorized by the age of eight. Trouble was, no one else seemed to have a grasp of metaphors in literature, and the professor refused to move on to the next subject until someone took a stab at the current one. So Hayley had to come off like the geeky overachiever just to keep from sobbing with boredom. She stuck her hand up.

“Hayley?” the professor said, disappointed but unsurprised that she was the only one to respond.

“It symbolizes that you can’t fight evil with evil. Only when you rely on yourself and your inner strength, and not outside influences, can you overcome all odds and—”

The classroom door opened.

Hayley broke off in horror.

Tommy came in, his shoes squelching as if full of liquid—which they very well might have been, as the rest of him was covered in globs of something red and smelly. He wore a thoroughly traumatized expression and was clutching something in one hand. He paused just inside the doorway, and haunted eyes scanned the room before resting on Hayley in the back.

The class stared at the first interesting thing ever to enter their English class, mouths agape at the poor, stunned, singed mess that was Tommy. Several people nudged their sleeping neighbors urgently.

Tommy held up the item in his hand—the hair tie—between two fingers. More sauce dripped from it onto the floor as he looked straight at her.

“Hayley,” he said in a dazed, pathetic voice, “I had a problem.”

“Tommy?” Hayley said faintly.

“My hair,” Tommy whimpered. For a moment, Hayley feared he would burst into tears.

“Is this your, um…” The professor floundered for a label to describe Tommy that wasn’t “Bad Horror Movie Monster.” “Um… your… do you know him, Hayley?”

“He’s my, uh, my roommate,” Hayley said absently.

Tommy suddenly sank to his knees in between two desks (the students sitting in them scooted as far from him as they could get, their desks slamming against those in the next aisle). “My hair’s gone!” he wailed.

Hayley began to gather up her belongings as quickly as possible. Tommy had had several freak accidents in her presence before. However, she’d never once seen him look so pitiful.

“My HAIR!” Tommy howled, holding the ruined hair tie up to the sky like some male romantic lead whose girl has just died and now finds it necessary to shout at the gods and the sky and look all sad and pained. Then he fell forward with a wet plopping sound, flat onto his face along the aisle.

“Professor, I think I have to go,” Hayley said calmly, shaking her head as she stood up and slid her arms into her book bag straps. “I’ll come by during office hours for the homework.”

“No, no, you just… take all the time you need,” he said, edging towards the side of the class away from Tommy. “I’ll… give you an extension. Yeah.”

“Thank you.” Hayley walked over to the area near Tommy’s head, crouched down and began rolling up her sleeves. “Come on, Tommy. I need you to pull it together. I can’t fix this from the classroom floor.”

“Hair,” Tommy croaked. “Fire. Job. Tomato. Water. Anthony. Bwoosh. Hair.”

Sighing, Hayley simply went to his feet, pushed up a pants leg, and grabbed hold of his relatively clean ankle. “Come on, tough guy,” she said, and dragged him out of the room.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

End Flashback


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


“Okay, now you can stop laughing. Really. Come on. Come on! Stop the laughing, Kim. It’s really not that funny!”

“I can just see this little trail of tomato sauce!” Kimberly choked out.

“So could half the college. There was actually a bit of panic about it. People thought it was blood at first. It even made the local paper.”

Kimberly dissolved into giggles. Between her shaking against his side and the rocking of the car, Tommy was starting to feel kind of queasy.

“So is that it, then?” Kimberly asked a good ten minutes later, after the silent phase of laughter, and the crying phase of laughter, and just about every other phase of laughter had finally run itself out.

“Mostly.”

“Define ‘mostly.’”

“Well, Hayley dragged me into the elevator, took me to the ground floor, rolled me into the grass outside, and went to one of the dorms where our friend Smitty was working the front desk. He let her borrow one of those carts people use to move their luggage in and out—you know, flat piece of wood on wheels with a big handle. Hayley got me onto it, wheeled me down the street for about two miles to our house, dumped me in the front yard and hosed me off. By then, I was a bit more coherent.”

“Oh, my god…” Kimberly moaned, chuckling a few times; her system couldn’t take much more laughing.

“Then I had to take off my ruined work uniform, towel off, and go take a hot shower before I got hypothermia. After that, Hayley trimmed what was left of my hair.” Tommy smiled slightly, thinking of that first terrifying glimpse in the mirror. It hadn’t looked bad, but he was utterly mortified just the same. He’d called work right then and there, with Hayley standing behind him holding the scissors and wearing a sympathetic (and rather amused, but still, she was trying) smile. He could still remember the conversation with his boss.

“It’s me, Tommy.”

“Tommy! You all right?”

“I’m fine.”

“Good to hear it. You gave us a scare, walking off like that.”

“I’m fine.” He paused. “I’m never ever coming back.”

“Yeah, we figured as much.”



From 'Of Love and Bunnies'
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2213080/1/O ... nd_Bunnies
The Banana, the Atheist's Nightmare:

God made it with a non-slip surface, a color coded system so we know when to eat it, and an easy open tab at the top of the banana. It's just the right shape for a mouth and is easy to digest!!
Atlan
User avatar
Asteroid Senshi
Posts: 924
 

Re: The NEW Fanfiction Quote Topic

Postby CRBWildcat » Tue Jul 28, 2009 11:51 am

From LucretiaDecoy's Misrepresented and Misunderstood:

Smoker was distinctly sure that he had just seen one of the Straw-Hat Pirates – the long-nosed sharpshooter Usopp – but a second glance had presented him with an empty alleyway. Shaking his head he walked on, rounding a corner where something smacked hard into him, knocking the wind from his lungs and almost causing him to fall over. Staggering to regain his balance he growled angrily, his eyes quickly locating the cause of his problem: lying a short distance in front of him was Zoro.

“You!” Smoker growled, narrowing his eyes and clenching his fists at his sides.

“Damn it!” Zoro cursed, scrambling to his feet.

“You won’t get away from me this time, Zoro!” Smoker warned him.

“Leave him to me Sir!” Tashigi yelled, running towards them.

“What?” Smoker grumbled, looking up as his Sergeant Major came running at Zoro.

Zoro squeaked out an alarmed noise before dashing off to one side, leaving both marines behind him. Smoker turned to watch the swordsman run before turning back to Tashigi, who had altered her path to pursue him.

“I’ve got it under control, Sir!” she called to him.

Smoker pulled a face at her, but apparently Tashigi was suffering from one of her famous lapses in concentration, as she was chasing after one of the world’s most notorious swordsmen without a single weapon on her person. The only thing more ridiculous than watching the silly girl running after a wanted criminal unarmed was watching Zoro running away from her, looking genuinely terrified of her.

“What the hell is this world coming to?” Smoker grumbled.


Never ceases to amaze me.
Image
Senshi of Zeta Aquilae
Spammer Rank C --- from Himitsu, 10-25-07. "Holy @!#%!, she made Zelas cry."
SpamLady Supreme --- from Colonel Caprice, 8-16-2017
Song of the week. Updated Sundays/Mondays.
CRBWildcat
User avatar
Super Power Senshi
Posts: 31354
 

Re: The NEW Fanfiction Quote Topic

Postby Not-Going-to-Tell » Thu Aug 13, 2009 9:42 pm

I had to look through my posts, but I don't think I've posted these (which is a shame).
FromBiometal, Ballad of the Floating Belt Buckles (chapter 1):
A genteel cough caught his attention. The waitress was standing in front of him, holding a bill and the ‘traditional’ fortune cookie. Traditional. Hah. Phantom rolled his eyes, handing over a credit card and unwrapping the cookie. He knew damn well that fortune cookies weren’t supposed to be served in sake joints, and they hadn’t, until some white guy had bought the place. What’s it going to say, he wondered, I Will Find True Love In Unexpected Places? Your Lucky Number Is ‘F’? That Chicken Dumpling Wasn’t Chicken?

Snap went the pastry. Phantom never bothered eating it. He wondered why he even bothered reading the fortune.

When the waitress came back with the card, Phantom was still staring at the fortune. He blinked. He puzzled. He rubbed his head, scratched his head and preformed a whole list of confused expressions. And for all this, the fortune still made nil sense. He read it out loud, reassuring himself that he was reading it right. And he was.

“You will become a floating belt buckle of ultimate power.”


chapter 2:
The sun winked through the wings of a small flock of doves, outlined against the pure, blue sky. They passed through the air only momentarily, bringing nothing, leaving nothing.

“THEY SHAT ON MY FECKING MOTORCYCLE!”

Okay, almost nothing.

Girouette’s stream of profanities echoed out over the forest. Gesturing at the avian race in general, Giro was interrupted by the piercing noise of his cell phone. “GO JUMP IN A BLENDER, YOU FEATHER-ASSED...Oh, hi Prairie. No, not you. Um...just forget I said that. What’s up?”

Vent listened half-heartedly in on his boss’s conversation. He was vaguely aware that the birds were coming back. They looked pissed. Vent began wishing he had an umbrella.

“Today?” Giro exclaimed, ignoring Vent’s exclamations and pointings towards the sky. “I thought we were scheduled for...no, no, I can do it toda...please hold.” Putting his hand and the receiver, Giro raised his foot and slammed it onto Vent’s. There was a sound like a sack of meat hitting cement, accompanied by Vent’s whimper’s of pain. “Shut up Vent, I’m talking to a client. You still there? Sorry about that. Are we keeping the rendezvous point? Okay...wait...” The hand went over the receiver again. “Vent, didn't I just tell you to shut...”

“They have a bazooka!”

“Who has a whatnow?”
I may or may not add more quotes as I continue re-reading it.
There are times for magic, there are time for martial arts, and there are times for giant Tiger-Dragon Robots that have both.
Beware the Otaku. He commands a mech that can unleash 123632 gigatons. Thats the equivalent of shooting Chicago, and knocking down ever building from Colorado to Maine.
Not-Going-to-Tell
User avatar
Senshi Cadet
Posts: 159
 

PreviousNext

Return to Miscellaneous

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users