Akuu03: Ranma/Haruhi Xover: Kyonification

For submitting and talking about story ideas. Idea submissions must be at least five paragraphs long, and include plot points, summaries of which characters are involved, and, for fanfiction, how it differs from canon. Both original and fanfiction ideas welcome. Though original works should have more development. Replying posts must give actual commentary, no "GREAT IDEA" or "THIS SUCKS".

Akuu03: Ranma/Haruhi Xover: Kyonification

Postby Akuma-sama » Sun Jul 02, 2006 10:42 am

It was a mere suggestion at first; an innocent little thing, brought on by a discussion around orz--pardon me, Ozzallos' soon-to-be 'ification series on the IRC channel. When I wrote the word down, it was merely a joke, but after thinking about it for a few minutes, it came to me as a really, really neat idea. At least, my muses seemed to think so, and in their usual delicate way reminiscent of a herd of Elephants tap-dancing to Flight of the Bumblebees in a crystal room, strongly suggested to me I should write this down, much like the hostage taker does to his poor, innocent victim.
I'm talking, of course, of a Haruhi/Ranma crossover no one but a totally twisted freak could ever think up.
...or at least, someone who's read Kunoification and liked it.
Which pretty much means the same thing, but whatever.
The word in question was...
--------------------------------------
Akuma-sama IDEA 03
Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuuutsu/Ranma Nibunnoichi Crossover
KYONIFICATION
-------------------------------------
[Eleven Months ago]
“So you see, Auntie, Akane, Ranma and I can’t handle this pressure anymore. It’s getting into our study time, and as you’ve seen, our grades are suffering.”
“So what are you suggesting, Nabiki-chan?”
“The biggest problem are our dads…”
[…]
“So it’s agreed; You will not pressure Ranma and Akane anymore until they finish High School, at which point another wedding attempt will be made. Do you understand?”
“B-But Nabiki, the schools—“
“-will still be there next year. Only, Ranma and Akane won’t be under pressure to study for the university admittance exams, and I’ll be well on my way to earning my Finance major. But if we don’t get peace and quiet now, we might fail those exams. And if I’m not accepted in Toudai because of the chaos around here, I’ll be very, very angry. And Daddy,” her voice took one the qualities of solid nitrogen as she continued, “you wouldn’t like that.”
--------
[Nine Months ago]
“Airen!”
“Get your hands off my fiancé, you damn bimbo!”
“Ukyo, everyone’s looking!”
“Bah. They should know Ranchan is really a guy anyway. So, why did you call us here, Ranchan? If you finally wanted to tell us your decision, you really should have gotten us one by one instead of gathering us together.”
“I ain’t decidin’ anything,” the red-head replied sourly, “or, ‘t least, it ain’t ‘bout marriage or anythin’.”
“Just hurry up and get to the point, this is cutting in my study time,” Akane grumbled.
“Fine. Shampoo, what’ll happen to ya if ya go back t’ china without me?”
The purple-haired girl seemed startled, but then frowned. “Why? Airen no like Shampoo?”
“Just answer,” Ranma replied grumpily, ignoring the teary looks those reddish-lavender eyes were throwing her way. Shampoo sighed.
“No can go back,” she replied. “Punished once before for not killing Airen, if go back empty-handed, Shampoo be exiled.”
“I thought so,” Ranma sighed. “Ukyo, your family honor depends on our wedding, doesn’t it?”
Ukyo nodded slowly, painfully aware that he fiancée hadn’t called her by her nickname.
Akane was next. “And yours, too. And our dads ain’t gonna leave us alone ‘till we’re married, never mind my mom.”
“So? Did you just realize that?” Akane asked irritably. Ranma shook her head.
“No, I realized that some time after Ucchan arrived.” She sighed. “My point is, no matter which way I pick, which one of ya I marry, the situation ain’t gonna be any better for anyone after.”
“If you knew that, why did you let Nabiki make that contract?” Ukyo asked, echoed by a cross nod from Shampoo; the contract had been a stab in the hearts of both of them; it essentially gave Akane another chance to marry him, ignoring both of the other fiancées in the process. It was a source of irritation, both towards Ranma and each other, and while Ukyo and Akane had been friends, if somewhat cautious ones because of their rivalry before, that friendship had been strained to its limits in the last two months.
“Because I owed her, and because I’ve got a plan.”
“A plan?”
“The contract says that Akane an’ I gotta try to marry after we pass our exams. It also says that our dads can’t do anything ‘till then.”
“We know,” Shampoo interrupted sourly.
“So what’s your point?” Ukyo asked. To the surprise of the three true girls, a smirk appeared on the red-head’s lips. It wasn’t however, a victorious smirk, nor did it hold any kind of glee; it was more like a dejected grin, the kind you’d find on the lips of someone whose totally outclassed and outgunned forces managed to accomplish some minor victory at an enormous price.
“My point is, all I have to do is fail my exams.”
<And when he DOES fail, they realize how much Ranma is willing to sacrifice so their honor and lives be satisfied, at the cost of their own. A hesitant understanding comes to Akane, curbing her attitude down a bit.
<The fathers and people around him, however, do not react so kindly at all; his mother is extremely disappointed, his fathers realize they’ve been manipulated after they try to make Ranma and Akane marry anyway and Nabiki brings up the contract.
<However, nothing ELSE changes. Ukyo is still being the cute fiancée and sees the contract as a setback for Akane, thus a win for her, and Shampoo still tries to seduce Ranma at every corner. The understanding Akane built up only slightly smoothes the edges of the jealousy she feels, and not enough to stop her from hitting and insulting Ranma whenever he does something she doesn’t like. It quickly becomes evident that the only winner in this deal is Nabiki, who expertly manipulated Ranma and everyone around him to make them all calm down so she could study and get into Toudai, without caring of the subsequent situation.
<As an ultimate result, the pressure on Ranma only increases, as both of his parents want him to graduate with the highest grade he can (and, indeed, can’t), if only to prove that they did not produce a stupid son.>
<And in this, we introduce a soothing, comforting force…>
--------
The boy who walked on the street that followed the side of the railroad under the orange light of the setting sun was nothing unusual. His clothes were a simple teal and white high school uniform with a red necktie, his hair was brown, short and clean, and his face had no feature that really set him apart in a crowd. He was the textbook definition of someone who could homogeneously dissolve in a crowd. His appearance wasn't the only thing about him that tended to vanish from memory, either; while everyone in his class had heard his name at least once, nobody in recent memory had used it, preferring instead using the nickname his aunt had given him a few years ago. Hell, even the teachers had started using it.
His name was--a train rolled by at high speed, filling up the soundscape with its mechanical noises until it finally sped past--, but no one seemed to remember it. His nickname was Kyon, and, unlike his face, which was virtually never remembered, it seemed that everyone in the school recognized the name, or had heard it at least once. Usually alongside the name of one of his classmates, the ever eccentric and chaotic girl whom no one, even Kyon himself, wanted to deal with if they could help it.
Suzumiya Haruhi.
Unfortunately for him, he found he couldn't help it very often, since he was one of the members of the Save the world by Overloading it with fun Suzumiya Haruhi's Brigade, or SOS-dan for short. One of the key members, actually, since President-General Suzumiya seemed to find a fiendish pleasure in inflicting every menial task she could find on him. Had he not existed, the other members of the SOS-dan would probably have ended up with the jobs, and while his mind chuckled at the mental picture of Koizumi Itsuki ferrying a dozen bags, the heavens themselves weeped at the unfortunately likely scenario of the lovely and innocent Asahina Mikuru being stuck with the same predicament.
In a bunnygirl outfit. With that criminally cute meek crying of hers.
While the heavens weeped at it, Kyon's mind couldn't help but mull over the idea a bit more. Especially when one of the heavy boxes that his mental picture of her was carrying pressed under her bountiful breasts and raised them alluringly, or when the outfit became tight from sweat...
As for the ever-silent Nagato Yuki, he figured she would either teleport them to wherever, or cause a commotion by having them levitate around her and walk around like nothing was wrong. Which, to the alien girl, would probably be accurate.
Kyon sighed as turned to cross a small bridge hanging over one of Tokyo's many drainage ditches. If someone had told him, at the start of the year, that he would end up in a halfway-official club intended on finding and playing with Aliens, Espers, Time-Travelers or Sliders, and worse yet, that he'd end up befriending people who actually fit in most of these categories (Perhaps Haruhi herself was the Slider? She certainly seemed like she lived in her very own world...), he would have pointed that person to the nearest asylum and fled the area quickly, like parents protecting their child from a weirdo’s harmful influence.
Unfortunately, after having had the reality of his situation shoved into his face a few dozen times already, he could no longer deny it or hide behind the supposedly unbreakable laws of physics he had so admired in that past. What good were the laws of Thermodynamics with someone who could generate fireballs and cover himself with energy to fling himself at giant monsters? What good was the atomic model with a being capable of dissolving a metal knife simply by touching it and talking? What good was the theory of relativity when you knew someone who had gone to the past, not once, but twice?
And, inevitably, he had to ask himself: what would be the next law of physics he would see casually broken? And what kind of being would do it? With his luck, it was going to be come kind of giant monster, a real life Godzilla or something (he made a mental note to never, ever introduce Suzumiya to one of Lovecraft's horror novels) or maybe even a magical girl--
"aaaaAAAAAAAAAH!!!" SPLASH!!
The scream and impact of something crashing into the ditch below didn't surprise him as much as the wave of icy cold wintry water that rose up to splatter all over the bridge... and him. With a mental curse at the evils of fate, who had apparently decided today was a great time to give him a cold (Hey, aliens existed, right? Nothing strange about sentient fate then...), he patted his drenched clothes to try and whip some water out of it; it didn't do much.
More importantly, what had that been?
Curiosity won over his much abused common sense and experience, and he looked over the side of the bridge. There was a red and black shape in a rapidly filling crater on the bottom of the river, and while he couldn't see it clearly, he had the impression that the thing down there was human. And unconscious. In a hole that was rapidly filling up with icy cold water.
He dropped his bag and dashed for the closest end of the bridge, then climbed down the sloped side of the ditch. His body nearly froze when his shoes landed in the water and his feet told him in no uncertain terms that they were drenched, cold and unhappy, but he ignored them and continued to paddle along. He was nearly there, now, with the water only a few inches below his knee--
SLIP
Whoop-- the was a hole there. Cursing and with icy water drenching his pants up to his thighs, he reached forward and grabbed the fabric of the definitely human shape's shirt to pull it out of the water and hoist it up in his arms and--
Whoa.
It was human. Or, at least, it looked human. And it was definitely a girl. A young girl his age, maybe a bit younger unless genetics had gifted her with such a small stature, with a soft, elfin face (he idly checked her ears; they were thankfully normal), Japanese features and, more interestingly, shoulder-length red hair tied in a pigtail so tight it curled on itself. A girl who was thankfully alive, as her chest moved up and down with the relaxed pace of her breathing. A girl who also had the biggest rack he had ever seen and that, if what he could see through the red silk of her Chinese-styled shirt was right, did not wear a bra.
He did his best to ignore that little fact. And it was only after a stray wave splashed across a particularly uncomfortable spot that he realized he had been standing there in the water, just gawking at her like Taniguchi for the last few seconds. Hefting her surprisingly heavy weight in his arms, he carried her away from the river, mentally weighing his options. His home was quite close, close enough for him to carry her over, but there was always the problem of a boy carrying an unconscious bra-less girl in his arms and bringing her into his house. His parents weren't home, but his little sister should be, so it wouldn't be that bad, and he didn't feel like trying to explain she had fallen from the sky at the nearest police box anyway...
...wait. Fallen from the sky? With enough strength to dig a crater in the river bed? How much energy was needed to raise a six foot tall plume of water anyway? And how much energy could a human body take without breaking?
And, more importantly, if she wasn't broken, what was she?
Me and my big mouth... just had to mention magical girls, didn't I?
No one had spotted him ferrying the unconscious girl in his arms all the way home, a fact for which he was insanely grateful. And while manipulating the gate had been a bit of a chore, opening the door to inside had been a simple matter of hitting the doorbell and waiting for his little sister to open it. Soon enough, the red-head was put down on a bunch of towels on the living room's floor (his parents were going to kill him for drenching the mats), with some of his spared clothes near her so she could change out of her cothes when she woke up. He was not going to give a girl the wrong impression by making his sister pull her out of them, and especially not a being of unknown origins and capabilities; for all he knew, she had a high-power positron cannon hidden inside her little toes.
[…]
<First contact with Kyon and Ranma-chan, Kyon notices she looks stressed…>
--------------------------
In the process of writing this, I've discovered that Kyon is an absolute hoot to write. His jumbled scientific point of view is quite close to my own, his mental processes are fascinatingly chaotic, and in fact he makes pretty much the best narrator I've ever written. No wonder Tanigawa-sensei decided to write his novels in his point of view.
I'm cutting it off here because if I continue, I'll just end up writing the bloody thing, and I'm busy enough as it is. Plus, I don't want whoever takes it up to be too influenced by how I'd see the formal meeting between Kyon and Ranma-chan and the resulting Curve Ball.
The main point of this is, true to the 'ification' series, the goal here is a Ranma-chan/Male character, without relying on drugs or mind control or whatever. Kyon's 'nice guy' attitude (and typical teenage lusty, if controlled, mind) is a great point to start the Friendship => Romance from. Repeated contact with the ever-helpful Kyon, compared to her extremely chaotic life, could very well make Ranma-chan go for him instead. (Note, however, that Ranma would be one or two years older than Kyon…)
This, of course, raises a few interesting points, chief among those being how the NWC will blow up, and how Haruhi herself will react.
NWC:
The Fiancées:
Akane: A few weeks after Kyon and Ranma's first meeting, Ranma discovers she spends a lot of time thinking about the friendly boy who's helped her out a few times now, demanding nothing in exchange. Akane realizes something is wrong when she fails to answer to her insults and insinuations, and at how distracted he is... even more so when she starts ignoring Shampoo and simply slips out of her grasp easily. So she asks... and gets an answer.
Akane is, unlike what Fanon displays (Diss-plays?) her as, a gentle and caring girl, who is not beyond helping those she feel need help for no gain of her own (Shinnosuke comes to mind). Unfortunately, she has the patience of a flea-bitten bull, the strength of an enraged gorilla and the ability to hold more chips on her shoulders than a TV sports fan. So, after her typical reaction of calling Ranma a pervert (to which he'd agree, this time), and seeing how Ranma-chan acts around Kyon...
"You really weren't lying... you're really in love with him..." And then her gentle half, the part that Ranma originally fell in love with, comes to the surface. "...allright, I'll help you."
Ukyo and Shampoo are up for grabs; the level of reaction from both their parts could vary greatly, although a comedic version of it would have both of them believing Kyon put a mind-control spell on Ranma-chan…
“WHY THE HELL AM I ALWAYS GETTING ATTACKED BY CUTE WOMEN!?” Kyon protested, dodging the mini-spatulas as he ran.
HARUHI:
Haruhi herself will NOT take it kindly to Ranma-chan. After all, she wants Kyon, no matter what she says about his relative importance in the SOS-dan. The main problem comes from her bad habit of subconsciously trying to destroy the world whenever something makes her angry. Someone feeling particularly advanturous could make Ranma battle one or two shinjins...
Although, her martial arts prowess might be enough to make Haruhi interested in her; let’s not forget this is miss “I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, so long as it’s interesting.” Suzumiya, here. However, the fact that both of her ‘love interests’ would like each other and not her might just raise her jealousy through the roof, or at least enough to make herself realize she likes Kyon too…
The SOS-dan:
Itsuki would not like Ranma-chan, either, and not just because he’s gay for Kyon (and that’s Canon, actually). Itsuki’s priority is to keep Haruhi mentally stable, something an interfering woman stepping into and trying to take what Haruhi considers ‘hers’ would not fit in that goal at all.
Mikuru: That… depends entirely. Her motives are the thinnest and dimmest of the group, considering she’s only there to find out why they can’t go any further in time than 3 years ago, and to observe Haruhi as she suspects she might be connected to it. Ranma-chan would technically not interfere with her goals, but seeing as she might have her eye on Kyon herself (despite not being allowed to be with anyone of ‘the past’…)
She could act jealously towards Ranma-chan, or pull a Tomoyo and ‘wish Kyon what’s best for him’. This would mean Mikuru would be the SOS-dan’s official matchmaker.
…somehow, that is not reassuring at all.
Yuki: Yuki’s reaction could also go either way, depending on which side of her ‘faction’ takes over, and what she decides herself. It’s repeatedly hinted that Yuki likes Kyon as well, so this might affect her choice. Either way, half of her faction is apparently satisfied with merely letting Haruhi loose and reading the resulting data, while the other half would much rather something drastic happen and look at the results. (Ryoko Asakura’s)
Therefore, ironically, the first group would seek to remove Ranma from the equation, to make sure the world isn’t destroyed. The second group would seek to encourage Ranma and Kyon’s relationship, to make Haruhi explode in rage. And Yuki herself, while she approves with the first group, would not want to make Kyon mad at her by ‘deleting’ the one he likes. And, likewise, she doesn’t want to remove his memories of Ranma, as doing so would cause him to act oddly and require removing information from Haruhi herself, which is strictly forbidden (since they don’t want to break her data-manipulating abilities).
…either way, a Kyon/Ranma-chan matchup might be really, really interesting. And as I wrote above, he’s a great and fun character to write. So, anyone wants to write it?
Akuma-sama
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Senshi Cadet
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Postby WG_Writer » Sun Jul 02, 2006 10:11 pm

Definately an idea i would like to see done, oddly when I was reading it Lina Inverse's Dragon Slave (the anime one) was running through my head.
Storm trooper effect works against good guys as well.
No matter how strong you are, there is always a teenager able to beat you without breaking a sweat.
A blind Paladin can only hear half truths
A deaf Paladin can only see half truths
Either way the Paladin is a berserker
WG_Writer
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Moon Senshi
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