Fate\stay night fanfic.

For submitting and talking about story ideas. Idea submissions must be at least five paragraphs long, and include plot points, summaries of which characters are involved, and, for fanfiction, how it differs from canon. Both original and fanfiction ideas welcome. Though original works should have more development. Replying posts must give actual commentary, no "GREAT IDEA" or "THIS SUCKS".

Postby Jomasten » Mon Nov 10, 2008 11:23 pm

I do plan to write how Emilya became a Servant and put it before she was summoned by Ilya, but I'll do it after I finish the main part.

Ah. Kinda like a prequel series?

Tracing. Since her talent is supported by Ilya's more then formidable natural ability, I thought that she can create things not only in her hands, but nearby as well.

Nae. I meant, what the heck did Emilya just Trace? I mean, sure, I can understand that it's Shirou in Ilya's magic-rich body, but the part confused me...

A light appeared in her palm and, suddenly, a round shape appeared on the ground and grew taller. When it was finished, Ilya saw a cylinder with holed walls and a raging fire inside.


I mean, aye, tis something with a comfy fire roaring inside, but what the heck is the architecture?
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Postby Muramasa » Tue Nov 11, 2008 12:19 am

A lit tin trash can?
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Postby Kilich » Tue Nov 11, 2008 4:12 am

There rest of chapter 1. I figured that if I posted the first half, i might as well post the second one.



“I once lived as Emiya Shiro, the boy you know very well. After Zouken Mato used the shards of tainted Grail from the fourth War on a girl he adopted, he forced her to kill other Masters, Servant and innocent people alike. I and Tosaka Rin went to save her and if it weren’t for you, Ilya, I would’ve failed my promise to you. But you came, said that you want me to live even if it a miracle and the next morning I woke up in your body.”

Lancer sighed and straightening her dress, she turned to look at the fire for a moment before her attention returned to Ilya.
“I want to prevent that disaster from happening.”
“Is what you told true? You do know I can use my one of my Command seals to make you tell the truth?” asked Ilya, her mind awhirl from the fantastic story that Lancer just told her. What she said was possible, but to believe she needed more proof.
“Please don’t use those spells on me, Ilya. I think I can give you proof.’ quickly answered Lancer, fearing that telling Ilya everything she knew would disrupt if not downright ruin her mission.
‘What can I give her as proof? All of memories with Ilya not yet happened here and I can’t tell her who the other Masters will be, I don’t want to put Sakura and Rin in danger.’
Seeing that Ilya was getting impatient she remembered the only thing that could connect this Ilya and herself.
Emilya stood up and stepped away, before she brought her hands forward and controlled light erupted from her palms. After simmering for a few seconds, the spheres of light under her hands grew towards each other and formed a sword-like shape.
When the glow subsided, Ilya saw a crude stone sword that looked fit for a giant, instead of Lancer’s slender hand.
“This is Hercules’s weapon, Nine Lives. I can even perform his ‘Hundred shooting heads’ technique, but I doubt you need me resting in bed for a few days.” said her Servant, wrinkling her nose as she said the last part and put the weapon on the ground before surprised Ilya.
“Here, see it for yourself and tell me if you believe my story.”

Ilya touched the weapon as if wanting to see how solid it was and felt its rough surface. She looked at the summoning circle where the item she used as a focus in summoning, laid and saw that these two pieces of stone looked almost similar.
She stood up and smiled for the first time in a long time, thinking about her Servant.
‘Can everything happen as she told? Can she really be my onii-chan that came to protect me? And was it projection magic she used?’
But she voiced only her last thought as they walked towards the castle.
“Yes. It’s best works with swords or at least bladed weaponry. I can trace some devices and my gadgets, but on much lower level.”

-

The rest of the way to the castle, both Master and her Servant walked in silence, each busy with their own thoughts.
Ilya was thinking over all the information Lancer gave her and how she could present her Servant to her family so she wasn’t looked on as a Master who failed her summoning.
Meanwhile Emilya was busy planning, or rather remembering her plan she made a long time ago, how she could disrupt both Zouken’s plans and Kotomine’s.
‘I’m still no good at planning how to deal with complicated magic, no matter how long Toko taught me. I’ll have to ask Ilya for advice.’

-

When they entered the castle’s hall, they were met by Jubstacheit von Einzbern, the head of Einzbern family, who wanted to see for himself if Ilya succeeded.

“Illyasviel who is that Servant? How dared you fail!” he said, his harsh gaze causing Ilya to slightly shiver, when instead of a hero, who was called ‘God of War’, he saw a young woman of slender build that had… an unmistakable resemblance to Illyasviel?
Wanting to prove his suspicions, he quickly asked the Servant that was standing near her Master and looked from the girl to him as if trying to find the words to protect her.
“What is your name, Servant?”

Servant focused her attention on him and slightly bowing, she answered.
“Lancer Emilya von Einzbern.“
“But how?! In the history of Einzbern, none of us became Noble Spirits that I know of!” shouted the man, astonished at a possibility of one of Einzbern Homunculi, that were destined to become a vessel for Holy Grail, becoming a Servant. And the woman’s hair and eyes were the best proofs that it indeed happened.
‘My Illyasviel, I was wrong to think of you as a failure. What you have brought might be one of the greatest treasures we could ask for! With her, an Einzbern Master might be able to achieve Grail!’

Busy with his thoughts about shining future of his family, he almost missed Lancer’s reply to his shout.
“I was not born yet. And…” Emilya paused to glare on him, looking like she knew exactly what he was up to, but Jubstacheit interrupted her before she could continue.

“I understand. How can you be useful to us? You’re no legendary hero like Heracles.”
The woman smirked and answered with a tone of confidence.
“I might not have twelve lives or metal skin, but I believe that I have more then enough means to deal with enemies.”
“Fine then. You’ll depart to Japan tomorrow.” with that he turned around walked away, leaving Ilya, who pulled off Lancer’s coat to give it back, and Emilya who was looking at his back with narrowed eyes and unreadable expression on her face.


My chapters are way too short. I mean, 1900 words? That's 1\5 of chapter's length in the stories I usualy read. :(


A lit tin trash can?


Well, yes it is. But I thought that using 'lit trash can' would break the mood.

I could call it 'Emilya's failed designs incinerator' and make it into a Noble Phantasm that either reduces the rank of incoming enemy Noble Phantasm or releases all of Emilya's failed works to confuse her enemy, but that level of silliness would fit Kaleido Ruby more.


Ah. Kinda like a prequel series?


Nope. Think about it as skipping the first story arc to write the second and adding the first later.


Through lurking in Beast's lair forum i found that Dress of Heaven is capable of transfering souls without Greater Grail.

Also, Servant stats are dependant not only on his Master, but also on his items or abilities like Mad Enhancement, Invisible Air and such.

Basically, Emilya might have E strength, but with power of her favourite naginata and reinforcement spell, it rises to B.

Edit.
http://akibakko.net/555 here's what as I think Emilya should look like.(except for the weapon)

Can somebody describe her clothing? I think I don't have broad enough vocabulary to do that.
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Postby Muramasa » Tue Nov 11, 2008 1:09 pm

As a Servant, 'Nine Lives Blade Works' probably wouldn't harm Emilya in the slightest. But then again...

Ugh... I really got to get to that part in the VN. It seems to take over an hour just to get through a single day in that game :? .


My chapters are way too short. I mean, 1900 words? That's 1\5 of chapter's length in the stories I usualy read.


That is *far* better then some of the complete an utter trash I've had the displeasure of reading.

1,900 words is fine and your update speed is much faster then most of the other authors.
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Postby Kilich » Tue Nov 11, 2008 1:33 pm

I think I chose the remaining Servants :) Now only Assassin, Saber and Berserker are not original.

Rider Rostam
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rostam

Archer Arjuna
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arjuna
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Postby Kilich » Wed Nov 12, 2008 2:10 am

Emilya's UBW chant :D Although not really a reality marble, it's still a powerful spell
immensely helping her with concentration and tracing.

Magic is my body, My heart is a living soul
I have honed myself to be a weapon
Neither dead
Nor truly living
I was given this life by a sacrifice
And I seek to return the favor
So as I pray ‘Unlimited Blade Works’
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Postby Kilich » Wed Nov 12, 2008 4:57 pm

A little more and War will start. So far it's setup I guess.



Tomorrow, as promised the head of Einzbern family, Illyasviel and her Servant were on board of a jet that took them to Japan.

“Ahh, look. Everything is so tiny.” said Ilya as she looked through the window and saw a town big enough to be seen even from their height.
“Yes, it’s interesting. I never flied before as well.” answered Emilya when she gave in and looked outside as well. Soon, she sat back and straightening her coat, asked what wasn’t leaving her thoughts since she met her Master in that frozen forest clearing.

“What we are going to do when we’ll arrive there? I might be good with tactics, but devising strategies or dealing with powerful sorceries is not really for me. ” She lowered her voice, when she said ‘sorceries’, a habit, she got from Toko, acting up. A habit not to give any hints that she was a mage where she could be heard by others, or else someone from Magi Association might discover her and Toko’s hiding place and make a less then pleasant visit.

Ilya looked away and her white brow furrowed in thought.
“There’s about two moths left so we have enough time to plan…”
The girl trailed off when she noticed a strangely shaped cloud in a corner of her eye and, momentarily forgetting about everything, she stuck to the window again.
“Look, it’s shaped like one of my dolls!”

She kept occasionally exclaiming about shapes of the clouds or unusual sight below for a few hours, pulling Lancer to the window when the plane passed over something extraordinary, like Great Wall in China.

‘It’s good to see her happy and smiling.’ thought Emilya when her Master fell asleep without noticing it and Lancer gently changed Ilya’s position so the smaller girl would sleep on her lap, before returning to her thoughts about upcoming War and, to much lesser extent, to her memories of Sakura and Rider she lived with after Ilya gave her a new body and Rin, who protected her freedom at price of getting her career mostly shot.
‘I wonder what Zelretch wanted from me? I know that fulfilling a dream might have a price that can’t be paid.’ thought Emilya, running her hand through Ilya’s hair, causing the girl to try and snuggle closer.

-

Emilya walked out of the airport, with still sleeping Ilya in her hands and stopped a cab that would take them to the train station.

-

When they were already carried to Fuyuki city by a train, Ilya woke up and rubbing her eyes, asked.
“Where are we, Lancer?”
“We’re on the train to Fuyuki already. You slept so good that I decided not to wake you.”
“You should’ve woken me up. I would’ve recognized a Master at the airport if they decided to arrive today.”

“Sorry. I’ll wake you up next time.” answered Emilya, thinking that after they’ll arrive to Einzbern’s castle near Fuyuki, first thing she’ll do would be taking Ilya for a walk and some ice-cream. She wasn’t sure why she wanted that, maybe to catch up for all the fun times with Ilya she missed because of Heaven’s Feel or simply introduce the girl to the joys of living she was denied while she lived back in Germany.

-

“Here we are, Lancer. Sella and Leysritt must’ve already prepared the castle for us.” said Ilya as they walked to forest clearing where castle of Einzbern family stood.
Looking at the forest around her, Emilya remembered how they fought against Shadow, lost her arm only to be replaced by Archer’s and she felt light phantom pain appear for several seconds that took these memories to pass by.
“It’ll be fun spending some time here in peace.” she said, not to Ilya, but commenting on her thoughts.

“Not for long. We still must search for other Masters so we would know who to kill when War starts.” answered Ilya, walking to the castle, where her maids were already waiting for at the door.
Breaking away from her memories, Lancer sighed and caught up with Ilya.

-

“Castle is prepared.” said Leysritt, bowing to Illyasviel and barely managed to hold back a gasp when she saw the woman behind younger girl.
That woman was most likely a Servant they expected to arrive with Illyasviel, but maid noticed her hair, ruby eyes and face that was a splitting image of a woman, as Leysritt knew, Ilya would grow one day and hesitated.
“Who are you?”

Lancer smiled and formally bowing, just like she was taught by Sella, answered.
“I’m Emilya von Einzbern. I’m Ilya’s Servant in this War.”
“Forgive my question.” said the maid and turned to Ilya.
“Shall I prepare the room for Emilya?”
“No, I’ll dematerialize her. She’s a Servant after all.”
“Fine. But can we go for some ice-scream later?” asked Emilya, not really expecting that she’ll be treated as a human.
She hoped that once they’ll know each other, she might nudge Ilya from the path of killing Masters they’ll meet. Emilya herself could care less what happens to Zouken, Shinji or Kotomine, but she wanted to save her other self, Sakura and Rin from as much grief as possible.

-

Soon, after a brief meal, they walked through the town towards Emiya residence to see what the boy was doing, but stopped at a café for some ice-cream as Lancer suggested.

-

The waiter that brought them the frozen treat, paused at their table pretending to look through his notebook he wrote orders in, to take a look at unusual looking woman and thinking of how he could attract her attention and maybe take her phone number if he was lucky enough.
“Ahh, delicious!” exclaimed Emilya, her face lighting with satisfaction, when the sensation of ice-cream melting in her mouth hit and almost immediately felt that their table was hit by something.

Looking at the source, she saw the waiter pushing himself off the table he used to restore his balance and dashed away, clutching his nose.
Ruby eyed woman snickered, thinking that it always worked like a charm and decided to speak with Ilya before the memories of why neither she nor Sakura never had any children, besides obvious reasons, came to mind.
“So, what are you going to do with Shiro when we’ll meet him?” she asked, taking another scoop.
“I’ll ask him to become my servant and if he betrays me as well, I’ll turn him into a doll or kill him.” answered the girl, causing her Servant to choke.
“Ilya!” exclaimed Lancer when her coughing died down.” You can’t… mustn’t do it. He never knew that you existed and he never intended to hurt anyone.”

“He took my father away and neither of them ever came to me. I’ve waited for ten years for my revenge and don’t forget that I’m your Master. If I order then you’ll kill him yourself.” answered Ilya, her image of a young girl that was enjoying her ice-cream sharply contrasting with her words, as well as what Emilya could see in her eyes.
‘It’s so easy to forget how I first met her and Berserker.’ thought taller woman, remembering how easily, even casually, Ilya ordered her Servant to kill them, when they first met as Masters.


Any opinions? Also what do you think of Emilya's and Ilya's characters? Were they done well?


http://akibakko.net/555 Here's what as I think Emilya should look like.(except for the weapon)

Can somebody describe her clothing? I think I don't have broad enough vocabulary to do that.
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Postby Jomasten » Thu Nov 13, 2008 11:24 am

Hmm, it started light-hearted at the beginning, then took on a neutral tone halfway through. Then turned downright serious at the end, despite the Emilya's light shenanigans. Nice play on the plot.
Though, I guess it would ruin the whole story dynamic if I demand that Ilya transform from bitter, spiteful, brat, to the Ilya that would sacrifice her own life to save another.

As an aside, I noticed some time ago the sudden influx of FSN fics, xovers or otherwise. Is there some kind of conspiracy involved here in the fukufics forums?
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Postby Muramasa » Thu Nov 13, 2008 1:13 pm

Just the current trend I guess. Stories will influence other stories will other stories etc.,etc.

And I really only see Kilich's stories up here. I've been lazy with my own version of the first story :cry: .
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Postby Kilich » Thu Nov 13, 2008 1:17 pm

I guess it started because of inspirational, hyper-active me. :D


Though, I guess it would ruin the whole story dynamic if I demand that Ilya transform from bitter, spiteful, brat, to the Ilya that would sacrifice her own life to save another.


Can't have that yet. Ilya already listens to Emilya's requests even if she doesn't like them and that's a step from 'do or die' she was in start of canon War.

Hm. Should I create another topic to post the story there?
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Postby Kilich » Thu Nov 13, 2008 5:41 pm

I'll post this here for today. It's short anyway and I think explains Ilya's character more.



Lancer stood before Emiya household and nervously looked at the entrance, feeling herself uneasy that soon she’ll see her other self.
“Come Lancer. What are you waiting for? It’s foolish enough to have you in a visible state, don’t make it worse.” asked Ilya in slightly irritated voice.
“How did you know that he’ll be a Master? I never told you that.”
“But you told me that one of the Servants was a blonde woman with green eyes and armored dress and in previous War, this Servant belonged to Kiritsugu, my father. I thought that, since the artifact that was used to summon her wasn’t returned to Einzbern, he gave it to Shiro.” answered Ilya and turned to Emilya.

“Now behave as you should and get me inside, Servant!”
Emilya took the girl in her arms and swiftly jumped over the wall. Landing behind it, she gently put the girl down and pointed where, most likely, the boy was at this time.

-
Shiro was busy in the storage room, trying to fix one of the many things that lay there broken when he heard someone walk towards him.
“Good day, onii-chan. Can I walk in?”
The boy, not recognizing the voice, turned to see who it was and saw a young girl that intently looked at him with her ruby eyes.

“Yes, you can. But who are you?” asked the boy, standing up and putting his tools aside.
“I’m Illyasviel von Einzbern and came for an item that your father took from us and might’ve left it in your care. It was a golden and blue sheath for a Western styled sword. Do you know where it is?”
“My father? No I don’t think he ever told me about it. When did this happen?”
“Ten years ago.” answered Ilya. She walked closer to the boy and looked straight in his eyes.
”It’s strange that you don’t know about it. You’re not lying to me, are you?”
“No, of course not! If I knew where it was, I would’ve told you.”
“He’s not lying. But where is it then?” murmured Ilya, as she stepped away, disappointed and slightly puzzled.
‘Could father keep it a secret even from him?’
“I believe you Shiro. I will return soon.” smiled Ilya and walked outside, making a waving motion, as if she called somebody invisible after her.

-

“I wonder what sheath they talked about?” said Shiro, scratching his head as he looked around the storage room, remembering if there was such thing here. He briefly thought about searching for the sheath throughout the house, but decided that if it was expensive enough to come for it after so long, then it definitely was among the junk that was lying around, waiting to be repaired.

“Oh, well. I’ll have enough home work for tomorrow to spend the whole day searching for it. Maybe I’ll remember it.” said the boy and went outside.

-

“So, what are we going to do now, Ilya?” asked Lancer as they walked through the city.
“We’ll search for other Masters for now.” answered the girl and looked at her Servant, before she asked, slightly motioning her hand with Command seals.

“Are you sure that you don’t know who the other Masters where in the War?”
“No, Shadow appeared and started to kill before we learned who the rest of Masters were.”
Lancer shook her head, slightly fearing that Ilya would want to kill everyone she mentioned in her story about her past, but soon relaxed because she remembered that this girl sacrificed her life for Shiro’s sake.

“No, I won’t kill anyone yet. Masters are to be killed in the War, not before. And I don’t want to use a command seal for every person that as I know might be a Master.”

As they walked, Lancer hesitated, but soon decided to ask Ilya about her plans for Shadow.
“Umm, Ilya what about Shinji and Zouken? Can we take Sakura away from them?”
“You’ll only alert them about your presence. That Shinji is just pawn and Zouken will control the Servant, staying away himself, if we kill him or steal that girl.”

“I think it would be better to tell about Zouken’s plans to the Magi Association and if it becomes as bad as you remember, it’ll be your fault.” said Ilya, sounding annoyed and slightly regretful that she decided to listen to her Servant and don’t expose Sakura to the Magi Association or simply kill her, so Sakura could have a chance to live a better life.
“Thank you Master.” smiled Lancer.

-
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Postby Jomasten » Thu Nov 13, 2008 10:04 pm

Hmm, the fact that there was a lack of freaking out in Shirou's part, because there was some random girl that suddenly walked into his house, started asking him questions, then left as if she owned the place, left me a bit put off, 'chaknow? And the fact that Shirou calmly answered Ilya was also a killer. Though, I rather like Emilya's gentle nudges for Ilya's transition to a nicer person. It is (redundantly so) nice.

Hmm, if this was a different Lancer than from canon, how would Shirou summon a Servant, given, Saber/Rider Arturia? In fact, how does that affect Rin summoning a different servant other than canon!Archer? Because really, I am confused on the Master-Servant distribution on this story. Insofar, I only understand Ilya-Lancer Emilya as one. Shirou-Saber/Rider possibly one, too.

I forget, who is going to be Caster Kaleido Ruby/Rin's Master again? It would cause chaos if it was her sister, lol.

...Wait... *suddenly faints from excessive nosebleed*
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Postby Kilich » Fri Nov 14, 2008 12:47 am

Well, maybe i'll improve part with Shiro, but I don't really think that he'll freak out, much.

I forget, who is going to be Caster Kaleido Ruby/Rin's Master again? It would cause chaos if it was her sister, lol.


It's a spoiler, but...

Ilya = Lancer Emilya
Bazette = Berserker Cuchulainn
Rin = Saber Gilgamesh
Shinji = Assassin Koujiro
Shiro = Caster Kaleido Ruby Rin
?? = Rider Rostam
?? = Archer Arjuna

Edit.

It is (redundantly so) nice.


Can you rephrase? I don't fully understand 'redundantly so' part.
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Postby Jomasten » Fri Nov 14, 2008 3:21 am

Basically, nice Ilya is nice. Redundant.
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Postby Kilich » Fri Nov 14, 2008 6:48 am

Basically, nice Ilya is nice. Redundant.


Oh. I thought you said that I made Ilya too nice.



They walked around the city, mostly enjoying a good day, until Ilya got tired and told Lancer that they should return to the castle.

-

After an evening meal, that was surprising to Emilya because in a year that Sella stayed with her before Einzbern called her back, she never saw at least a half of the dishes that were before her now.
After they finished eating, Emilya asked the other girl.
“Ilya can you give me a room, please?”
The smaller girl, who already left the table, turned to her and said, sounding annoyed.

“You are such a bother, sister. Why, do you, a Servant, need a room for?”
“Well, I like tinkering with things, its fun.” answered Emilya, slightly blushing and raised her hands, like she was cupping something.
A bright light appeared in her palms and soon, it became a small mechanical bird. It looked around and stretching its long metal wings, made with a lot of metal segments that gave them an amazing flexibility, peeked out of the cage that were Lancer’s hands.

Ilya looked at the bird with interest and murmured.
“It’s would’ve been so much easier to deal with Berserker. I hope you good enough in battle to make up for every bothersome thing you ask.”
“Fine, you can work in the room near me, but as soon as anybody enters the forest, you’ll dematerialize and that will be the last thing you can ask from me until the War.”

With that, Ilya walked out, leaving Emilya to wonder if she pushed the girl too far with her requests and now earned her dislike.



I guess that piece ends the Emilya meets Ilya part. Unless someone points out that I made a mistake with their characters and after I think of how to deal with Sakura, I'll continue.

So far I thought of Emilya telling everything to Sakura, so she could remove the worms herself and even if it turned her into Shadow, she can be stabbed with Rule Breaker.
But this way doesn't look interesting.
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