Your Destiny is Annulled, Ch15

This is for posting Fiction and C&C replies ONLY. Note this does not have to be a "fukufic" or evenfanfiction. All longform creative writing allowed. Replying posts must give actual commentary, no "GREAT IDEA" or "THIS SUCKS".

Re: Your Destiny is Annulled, Ch15

Postby Cheb » Tue Jul 17, 2012 2:08 pm

I've edited the obligatory T. rex fight.

+ visible dinosaur damage
+ more details and tactics on their part and why they were at a disadvantage
+ Akane gets in danger more times, thus justifying Ranma's decision
+ Akane is shown as very skilled but still too reckless
- removed any numbers of tonnes

“Mokou Takabisha!” Ranma launched her own ki blast as she saw they were about to be left without clothing and supplies. It slammed right into the maw opened wide to let out another roar. But even that did not stop the dinosaur. Shaking his head he sat on his tail flattening bushes and clothing alike under his weight. Akane leaped him while he haven't regained his senses yet, afraid he'd grind the clothing to dust.

The T. rex managed to see through her move — it was that straight right punch, telegraphed widely and visible from a kilometer away, that was her shameful undoing in her first duel against Shampoo, but who could have thought an animal would be able to read it? — and bit preemptively with an amazing precision. Akane was saved only by her reaction speed. Twisting in mid-air she slammed with her parted feet into the tips of his jaws instead of crashing into the gaping maw. Rebounding awkwardly, she landed in a vulnerable position and had to roll around again dodging the snapping jaws. A couple broken teeth didn't discourage the beast in the slightest.

“That's it,” growled Ranma. “You asked for it!” The tyrannosaur had trampled the bushes where their clothing was hanging into a broken mess while he was lifting up to his feet. “If you left me without my favorite shirt...” She dashed towards the insufferable predator. He managed to kick at her with his left leg without interrupting his attempts to chomp down on Akane. Ranma dodged easily, raining blows on his right leg. The dinosaur lost his balance and stumbled trying simultaneously to back away and bite her out from between his legs.

Freed, Akane leaped at him aiming at the neck. But the dinosaur managed to dodge, backpedaling with sudden swiftness and almost stepping on Ranma in the process. The long-suffering bushes were crackling again, the creek shores rapidly turning into a mess of broken branches. This had no effect on the dinosaur, while posing some obstacle for the girls.

It was awkward to hit the long-legged, dodging thing: while standing on the ground, they could only reach his legs bulging with stone-hard muscles and the snapping maw. Beating at the latter was dangerous. Beating at both wasn't bringing any discernible results. A few more broken teeth only made the tyrannosaur angrier.

They tried to leap to hit at his neck and other vulnerable spots. But doing that they were losing their advantage in agility. They had to move by predictable trajectories while he kept his agility as he was standing on the ground. The bastard could bite preemptively with an amazing precision. Ranma kept twisting away and even managed one solid hit at his eye. Akane twisted once, twice, then fumbled and barely managed to jerk her shoulder and arm out from between the closing teets.

Ranma felt cold when she noticed a reddish imprint on her beloved's shoulder. These teeth looked able to crush solid rock! Granted, the T. rex was much smaller than Orochi but he could still snap your arm off with ease.

She gestured to Akane: let's flank him. The raven-haired girl understood her instantly, used to fight together in their endless battles against the youma.

He couldn't defend from two opposing directions and they started inflicting rare but powerful hits as they kept leaping at the dinosaur. He countered this by backing into the bushes where they couldn't leap. There was only the gaping maw left sticking out. Akane tried to get close by just breaking through the mess of branches. But these proved durable enough to slow her down thus negating her main advantage. This mistake almost became her last one. She could barely keep dodging the jaws, forced to zig-zag on all fours in the cramped space below the lowest branches as she was fleeing from the snapping death.

“Mokou Takabisha!” Ranma fell literally from the sky as she jumped a dozen meters up, over the bushes, slamming her ki blast into the thing's spine. He sagged from the blow, then turned towards the rustling that gave out her landing spot. He roared angrily.

“Raitsui Dan!” Akane didn't waste time. Rolling onto her back, she launched her ki blast from below. It hit the dinosaur under his tail making him choke with his roar and fall on his muzzle.

“What does it take to bring this thing down!” Ranma exclaimed indignantly when the T. rex started lifting up, puling his legs in one by one and helping himself with his small forepaws. Letting out a short growl he rushed at her limping on his right leg. Ranma thought of jumping onto his back and beating from there. Then she saw Akane gaining on him along the path he made in the bushes. She was stumbling on broken branches. She'll get caught again! Ranma decided to take a calculated risk. After all, this worked with crocodiles, so why not? Her wife had too many close calls already and could use some breathing room. “Akane, start beating him with all you got! I'll hold him up!” She jumped right into the descending maw. Her knees shoot out, each one slamming into the jaw tip right inside the narrow arch formed by front teeth. The dinosaur tried to close his jaws, and her eyes widened in sudden fright: the biting force of this thing was phenomenal, no crocodile could even compare! Ranma grunted shuddering in desperate effort to keep this trap for shutting. The T. rex put all his might into crushing her. This was insane! How many tons of force could he bring on, so it was almost too much even for her? Was his prey made of steel? Refusing to become dinosaur chow, the redhead put all she had into straightening her legs into a perfect split. Finally she succeeded, forcing the jaws even wider. Now she was lodged fast, no chance of him opening wider to shake her out. As a bonus benefit, her leg and hip bones were now taking the brunt of the effort letting her aching leg muscles rest a bit. This was... “Ack! Yeech! Why, you!” The dinosaur tried to push her out with his tongue, so now she had to fight this appendage too, using her arms to keep away from her. It was all muscle and rough like sandpaper. “Akane, don't dawdle here!”

The dinosaur was swishing his head from side to side stumbling through the bushes blindly like a drunk. The pigtailed girl kept holding his maw widely open. The other girl kept hitting the unyielding underside uncontested while the predator tried to pick the oh-so-wrong prey out of his mouth. He bent his neck trying to get her with his smallish forepaw. This pose was even less stable and he couldn't even kick. Akane used this to her full advantage punching at his neck or tail, whatever happened closer to the ground. Ranma dodged a couple times displaying amazing feats of flexibility. Then she abandoned the tongue and grabbed the muscled forepaw in an unbreakable hold. After which the tyrannosaur started spinning in place rarely kicking at Akane who was beating him up. He concentrated all his efforts on freeing his forepaw. Ranma was groaning from the strain, swearing at the tongue slobbering her up but she didn't let the extremity go. An Anything-goes practitioner isn't some triceratops for you!


It's because I got a ton of constructive criticism from our Russian forum, and even this size chart: :D
Image
Proud owner of 1.5 kilograms of Germanium transistors
Cheb
User avatar
Moon Senshi
Posts: 1549
 

Return to Stories and C&C

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users

cron