Prince of Braves, Zero's Familiar

This is for posting Fiction and C&C replies ONLY. Note this does not have to be a "fukufic" or evenfanfiction. All longform creative writing allowed. Replying posts must give actual commentary, no "GREAT IDEA" or "THIS SUCKS".

Re: Prince of Braves, Zero's Familiar

Postby Crescent Pulsar R » Sun Jan 15, 2012 9:18 am

Well, I don't know anything 'bout anything regarding Gaogaigar, and my knowledge of Zero no Tsukaima doesn't extend beyond the first season of the anime. Between that and the protagonist being a self-insertion, I'm disinclined to weigh in on the plot, considering how little I know of the series involved (thus the characters and where the story normally leads) and how there's no concern over being faithful to the protagonist's character (seeing as you should know yourself the best). But I felt I could still offer a little something.

On the technical side of things, the writing's fairly good and I don't feel like I have to gouge my eyes out trying to read it. It could use some touching up, though they're usually typos and the like. (For instance, using a comma instead of a period before you tug on your hair in the prologue). Beyond that, nothing really sticks out -- at a casual glance -- that I feel the need to pound down on with a mallet. Well, not that it matters, but Xellos' hair is a bob, not a bowl cut. ;p
Crescent Pulsar R
User avatar
Crystal Power Senshi
Posts: 4122

Re: Prince of Braves, Zero's Familiar

Postby ckosacranoid » Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:36 pm

try being a fan of ex-driver that no one has seemed to have heard about also. anyway, sorry about that caps. after logging on a foget that caps lock is still on most time till after i make a post. its sounds like an amusing story even though any thing i know from zero is from reading crossover fan fics that peope have been posteing here and on fanfic net. then again getting the urge to slap miss zero is very temping least its less then my urge to kill shinji though from eva...or joining in the chanting that lynn minmay must die...
my blog for busniess and other things i do.
Chibi Sailor Senshi
Posts: 368

Return to Stories and C&C

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot]