Untitled ranma xmen evo au

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Untitled ranma xmen evo au

Postby genhoss2 » Tue Nov 22, 2011 9:44 am

Just figured that it's been awhile since I posted anything. everything up to Ranma arriving at the tendo dojo happened most of the au comes from the xmen evolution side. But that's mostly due to adding a mutant Ranma's not a mutant and will not be one in this fic and niether is Nabiki or any of the other nerimians. This is a bit rough and needs some polish around the edges possibly a rewrite.



“Today… I’ve been waiting so long. Since mother died and I started having these dreams showing me still shots of what I thought was my own future. It was like I was reading a magna in my sleep where I was a background character tagging along on a seemly impossible adventure staring crazy martial arts, insane rivals, and a literal harem of girls. Despite both my supportive role and my own unsavory part though I had found myself captivated and enthralled to see what would happen next. One night though just about a year after my mothers passing the dreams ended. There was no ultimate triumph, the guy didn’t get the girl or girls, still to this day I’m trying to understand what happened or even how it happened. One moment everything was fine then the next the world seemed to ignite leaving behind ashen statues of all I held dear.”

Taking a deep breath the person bowed their head and continued, “I didn’t know what to think back then. I tried to write off the ending to a fluke or even perhaps some symbolic event and focus on the story itself. I knew I didn’t like being pushed into the background of what seemed to be my own future and what I had seen my own character do left me almost in disbelief. I loved my daddy and my sisters and just simply couldn’t believe that I would do the things I had. In my own ignorant lamenting of how I would turn to do the things I missed the real importance of the vision. And it was only something that I would come to realize years later.”

“At the time, back then all I wanted was to change things, make myself into the star, have a future where I was center stage and not just bush number three to the left. My silent prayers seemed to go unanswered though as the visions started up again. This time filled with glimpses of complete strangers who instead of being highly skilled in martial arts had other talents that they used. Some of them didn’t even look human. But I watched and learned all the while pondering why I was seeing what I was in my dreams. That was until it ended abruptly much in the same way as my own dreams about my future had.” Hearing a knock at her door she called out, “I’ll be down in a minute Kasumi, I just need to finish up something right quick.”

“Okay sister, father is waiting and says that our guests should be here soon.”

After flexing her hand to work out a cramp the girl continued, “It seems impossible, I hadn’t even turned ten and yet I had been chosen for something bigger than myself. I had been shown two futures and I realized then what I had been allowed to see was a glimpse into the end of the world. Somehow I wanted, no needed to make a difference. I must have passed some unwritten unasked test because right on cue the visions started up again, though there was a difference from all the others. For some reason the first dream had repeated itself over and over again as if it had some sort of conciousness to it and was waiting for me to do something. I was so frustrated back then that the though didn’t even occur to me to write things down until I had suffered through 3 weeks of the same dream of my father staring at the sports section of the paper. It was then after I started to sketch out the picture in my dream that I realized the paper my father was reading was from four weeks in the future.”


After that I wrote down everything just as I had envisioned them in my dreams, I wrote and scetched until I thought my hands wore fall off only to write some more. As time went on though transcribing them became more difficult as sometimes the complete picture would not be revealed in one dream so I began filing everything away, organizing things to the best of my ability while trying to match up my dreams with each other. There were scematics of machines, blueprints of houses, maps of countries, martial arts techniques, and people dozens and dozens of nameless faces with only subtle hints of whom they were. It was almost overwhelming, so much information to sort through but I persevered. Balancing my time between school, research, sketching and even martial arts. After all if I was going to stay on center stage then I needed to do something to earn that place.“

“I even tried to duplicate the martial arts techniques from my dreams thinking that perhaps I was supposed to learn them but while I understood the premise I lacked in the ability to apply them. I tried to get daddy to help me with the first one I envisioned but he took one look at the sketches and nearly flipped, telling me that there was no way he was going to help me dig a pit, fill it with cats, cover me with fish sausages and throw me in it. I cried for a week, begged and pleaded, but every weapon in my young arsenal proved futile in swaying him. I even tried to do it myself but each time no matter how sneaky I was father seemed to find me and ground me. The only good thing that came from the entire experience was that he took my interest in martial arts along with my sisters to have a reason to keep the dojo open. He taught mostly kids our own age just so we could have others besides each other to spar with. Still though it was a welcome change from the future I had seen. The most important thing though was that it was a change. Anything I could do to divert from either timeline was a good thing.”

“The one thing that that first attempt taught me though was that not everything in my visions was meant for me, that something’s were met for others and the reason I was shown them was to either better my own understanding or help me make contact with someone. After all the best way to get on someone’s radar was to send them a schematic of something based on technology that a young girl should not have access to.”

Sighing as she spied the clock once more she added, “But I digress, I’m writing this note with the intention to tell you, my family that I am sorry. I should have told you about this sooner but I could not take that risk. No it’s safer for everyone this way. I have taken steps to insure your safety to the best of my ability while I am away. I hope that one day you can forgive me for this but with the trying times coming to head soon I need to start on my journey and who knows perhaps I can cheat fate.”

Glancing down at the letter one last time before she signed and sealed it in an envelope Nabiki took one more look around her room before tucking it away in a medium sized duffel bag so that she could mail it later. She had decided to leave most of her belongings behind, just some clothes and personal knick nacks were going with her, well that and the vast majority of her personal files. But those were already loaded up earlier in the day sitting in the trunk of the limo that would be returning to pick her up shortly.

Looking down at her attire of a tank top and shorts the girl briefly toyed with the idea of changing into a kimono before shooting the idea down. She would be doing way to much traveling and wanted to be comfortable during her trip. Hearing a knock at the door from her room she stood up and slung her bag over her shoulder before going downstairs to start her journey.

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“Hey… Put me down… You’re scaring them spitless…”

Nabiki smirked as she arrived in the room having already seen the scene in her dreams. Wanting to keep everyone off balance while she spotted her ride arriving from the still open doorway she took several steps forward while exclaiming, “Wow… he’s cute… And such a firm butt too…” She said with a smirk as her hand groped the redheads behind before she leaned in and began to kiss the redhead on the lips.

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She was stunned, first not even ten minutes ago she had been told about being engaged and then just seconds after she arrives her fiancée to be cops a feel and starts to kiss her before she even had a chance to change back into a guy. She was so off balance from the experience that she didn’t even realize that the girl had stopped kissing her at first and missed the first part of whatever she was saying to her family.

“… Taking Ranma to go register for school… Our rides here so we need to go. Don’t wait up. Love you, Take care.” Nabiki finished guiltily as she cut herself short from reaching out to hug her family one last time. Pulling on the shorter redhead girls arm she added, “Come on now handsome we’re going to be late.”

“Just let me drop off my pack…” Ranma tried dazedly before realizing that they were already out of the door and approaching a long black limo where an attractive older woman wearing an confiningly tight business suit stood with an umbrella holding the door open for them.

“Is the trunk open?” Nabiki asked with a glance at the older woman.

“Yes Nabiki.”

“Good…” Turning to the pigtailed redhead the brunette added, “Hurry up Ranma, put your pack in the trunk. We’re on a tight schedule and need to get moving.”

“I’m hurrying…” Ranma grumbled to herself while she tried to regain her mental footing, having been thrown through a loop by the girls groping and kiss.

“Hey…” Nabiki asked with a grin as she reached out and gave a small smack to the redheads ass. “Just gotta keep Ranma off balance until I have more time to explain the complete situation.” hearing a small eep of protest from her companion she hid a snicker that threatened to become a giggle as the redhead jumped and in the process just barely missed hitting her head on the top of the trunk.

“Would you stop doing that.” Ranma growled in irritation.

“I’m sorry… I just can’t help myself… I think it’s just your overwhelming manly manner…” Nabiki faux sniffed while holding back an amused snicker at how quick her companion went from looking annoyed to something resembling a peacock with the way she thrust out her chest and seemed to preen.

“Well I am quite manly…” Ranma muttered forgetting that he was a she at the moment. “That’s me, Ranma Soatome manly stud at your service.

Holding back a giggle at how absurd the situation would seem to others not knowing about the curse Nabiki popped the trunk closed and replied, “Well Mr Manly lets get going I have a lot of things to tell you.” “Mr. Manly… hmm it has a certain ring to it. Something to consider for later.”

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Having regained her mental footing as she sat in the limo staring across at her would be fiancée while she rifled through her bag and pulled out a folder Ranma asked, “How do you know who I am.”

Having dug out the file she was looking for Nabiki sighed and replied, “There’s a lot of things that I know. Your name is Ranma Soatome, you wear boxers, have a affinity for wearing silk clothing, are a martial arts prodigy with the potential to be the best, have a curse that turns you into a girl with cold water. You also need to keep your pigtail bound while male because you ate dragon whisker soup which would have been no problem if you were bald but since you aren’t you need to keep your hair bound until the effects wear off lest you go bald. Oh and there is a little manner of a purple haired Chinese girl chasing after you but I wouldn’t worry about her because, well frankly I doubt she’ll find you where we are going.”

“Oh…” Ranma replied missing the fact that she didn’t really give her an answer. “So where are we going?”

“Actually… First things first, I really think that we should hold off on this engagement for now. If you want to stick it out, that‘s fine but no pressure… And if you happen to find a girl that you like and want to go out with her, then by all means go out with her.” Nabiki said before holding out the folder she had taken out of her bag, “Now as to where we are going, that depends on you. Like I said though we are going to go register for school but if you feel up to it I would like to make a quick stop to pick up someone.


Taking the offered folder in her hands the pigtailed teen began to flip through it stopping at a very detailed drawing of a attractive Asian girl with long dark purple hair, “Who’s she? A friend of yours?”

Shaking her head Nabiki replied, “No not yet. Right now she’s just a girl who has been kidnapped and is about to be brainwashed into becoming an assassin for some thugs. Now before you answer think about this. If you don’t want to help then I won’t hold it against you. The same goes to where we are going if at any time you want us to turn around and bring you back then we will and one of my sisters can take up the engagement if that‘s what you want.” After a pause to give Ranma an opportunity to absorb the info she added, “I suppose that I should mention that this girl, the reason she is being held and brainwashed is because she is a mutant.” Noting the blank stare returning her gaze she continued, “Mutant’s are people born with a gene that sometimes activates in adolescence resulting in a wide array of abilities, in Betsy’s case she is a psionic and a telepath with some limited precognition abilities.” Rolling her eyes at the still blank look directed her way Nabiki simplified with, “She can get glimpses of the future, form blades using her mind to attack her opponents and read your mind. I figure the latter could be some help for you in dealing with the Neko ken but that would depend on you rescuing her and her wanting to help you.”

Stunned at the casual matter of fact way that everything had been laid out for her as well as the mention of the neko ken Ranma tried to wrap her head around everything. “Ten minutes ago I was fighting my pops in the street. Now I’m sitting in a limo going who knows where sitting across from a girl who’s slapped my ass twice and kissed me before even seeing me as a guy. To top that off she knows things about me that shouldn’t be possible, the Neko ken was years ago and only pop knows about that and only 3 people myself included know about the soup. But that’s no even mentioning that she wants me to go break into some hideout and rescue a girl who might help me with the neko ken…”

“I don’t want to rush you or anything but we are nearly there. If it helps to make up your mind I have something else for you.” Nabiki commented after catching the time from a nearby banks sign. Holding out another folder she said, “If you look through this folder you will see several techniques, they rightfully belong to you. Well most of them anyway. Some would come from your rivals when they catch up to you if you were staying here… And well there’s a few others in there that belong to the grandmaster of anything goes, so again yours by default as he would make you his heir. ”In a fashion…” The point is though you can stay and learn some of these techniques or you can help me and learn these techniques and more. So while I’m not trying to pressure you into doing this I would, no I need, your help. I don’t have the skills or equipment to rescue that girl at the moment and frankly if you don’t I’m going to have to try anyway because I need her help just as much as I need yours.”

“I’ll do it.” Ranma started while holding up his index finger, “One condition though.”

“What’s that?”

“I want to know how you know all this stuff. Are you one of these mutants too?” Ranma asked.

“No… As far as I know neither of us are mutants.” Nabiki started out before sighing wistfully and continuing, “I wish it were that simple but it’s not. There are sometimes I like to think that my mother is behind the visions. But truthfully I don’t know. I know I’m not a mutant, I don’t have the gene. It could be some kami or something or perhaps I’m being manipulated by a telepathic mutant for some reason. It’s one of the reasons why I need Miss Braddocks help.”

“But you can see the future right?”

“No, not exactly. It’s more like I witnessed the events of an alternate future or futures, I‘m not really sure. There was one where you staying at the dojo and were engaged to my sweet but violent maniac of a little sister, that one was Mutant free. Don‘t ask me how I know because I don‘t understand it but I can just feel that there were no mutants there. The other though, that one contained mutants, some believed in working with humans while others wished to rule over them.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah.” Nabiki nodded, “But there’s more too it than that. Once I was done witnessing those futures I began seeing things in my visions, like Besty I didn’t see her in either of the first two futures. If I had to describe it I would say that it was like someone was showing me specific things that needed doing after it showed me what would happen if I did nothing.” Realizing that the car was slowing down the brunette added, “So are you in?”

Tugging nervously at his pigtail Ranma wanted to say no, that the girl was crazy. However he just couldn’t dismiss the things she knew off like that. And if any portion of it were true then he would be a fool to walk away considering the possibility of a possible cure for the neko ken. “In the end though… I guess it doesn’t matter. Even though we just met she is supposed to be my fiancée and if there really is a girl up out there being held captive then it is a martial artists duty… Not to mention all those techniques she has…” Looking up at the girl sitting across from him Ranma nodded and replied, “Alright, I’m in. I’m not saying I believe you or anything like that. Cause it seems crazy…” Seeing the look of slight hurt directed her way the current redhead stammered, “Not that I’m saying you’re crazy… I mean you’re not… I can tell… you know come to think of it I think that I might be a mutant, cause I can tell without a doubt that you’re not crazy… Yeah, I’m definitely a mutant.”

“Whatever…” Nabiki waved off with an amused snort over the pigtailed teens actions in trying to convince her that she wasn‘t crazy, “But if you’re going to do this then you’re going to need the plan. Lucky for you I have one.” Taking a smaller light blue backpack out of her duffel bag and tossing it at the redhead she continued, “There’s a school uniform in there put it on while I explain the plan to you.”

“Uhm… Nabiki?”

“Yes, It’s a girls uniform. Unless you want every single Yakusua in Tokyo looking for your male body you’re going to need to do this female.”

“Fine… Wait, did you say Yakusa? What happened to the lowlife thugs?”

“Thugs… Yakusa… Same difference really, anyway like I said it’s a girls uniform… Underwear too, you don’t need boxers showing under the skirt… It‘s just to get you in the door.” Raising her brow at the way the other teen was trying to curl to the side while keeping the skirt down so she could put on the panties Nabiki just had to ask, “What are you doing now?”

“Trying to keep you from groping me while I finish changing…” Ranma grunted out cursing silently to herself as she nearly fell off the back seat.

“Oh for kami’s sake…” the brunette muttered in frustration before she moved across to sit next to the wary redhead, “I was just trying to keep you off balance before but if you don’t quit clowning around I swear that I am going to grope you till my hands fall off.” As if to reiterate her point Nabiki flexed her hand meniclly over the redheads breasts.

“Fine…” Ranma groused irritably, “But you better have a good reason for having me dress like this… Cause I’m a guy and I ain’t no cross dresser…”

“Once again, this is just a disguise to get you through the door. Remember I said I had a plan and unless you can launch yourself through a window on the twenty seventh floor from across the street, break through several secured steel doors, make your way up to the thirtieth floor and break open the girls cell then we need to use my plan.”

“Why can’t I break through a window on the thirtieth floor?”

“Because there are no windows from the twenty-eighth to thirty-second, It’s reinforced steel.”

“Oh…” Ranma replied while realizing that perhaps she should listen to the plan first, “So you mentioned something about a plan?”

“Yeah, basically…”

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Dressed in a black and grey school Fuku Ranma tried to ignore the unfamiliar sensations of the clacky shoes, confining bra and the small blue backpack digging into the sides of her breasts as she stepped into the building where the girl was supposed to be held. “At least the panties don’t seem too bad, they don’t ride up like my boxers.” Coming to a stop right in front of a security window that had a door on the side she pasted on one of her most winning smiles while pressing the call button to say, “Rieko Mizumo to see Shiro Takata.”

“One second.” A gruff voice sounded off from the crackly speakers just moments before an older bald headed man with a long scar going across his forehead down over his right eye appeared at the window. “You’re not the usual girl.”

“Yeah about that…” Ranma stuttered nervously before she calmed herself enough to follow Nabiki’s script, “She came down positive with something and well…”

“Right… Whatever, stand to the side and I will have someone bring you up.”

Hiding a sigh in relief as a bored yawn Ranma dutifully stepped to the side. Nabiki had tried to keep things simple for her and hadn’t really gone into much detail of her background story other than she was a new girl covering for the old girl whom had been tested positive for something. “I wonder what the test was about? Come to think about it I wonder what she did here. Nabiki really didn’t go into any details and just told me to just knock the guy out, swipe his keycard and not worry about it.” Seeing the door begin to open and a tall muscular man with shaggy died blond hair standing there waiting for her the redhead shrugged, “I guess I’m about to find out.”

“This way.” The man said irritably while pointing to an elevator with his hand revealing to Ranma that he was missing two fingers.

Despite Nabiki’s directions that she not call extra attention to herself the redhead couldn’t help herself and asked, “Hey mister, What happened to your hand?”

“I asked too many questions in an elevator to a guy who had a knife.” The man answered bluntly as he shot the demunitative redhead a glare.

“Oh…” Ranma replied totally missing the hint to press forward with, “He must have been pretty skilled, you don’t look you’d be a pushover. I mean sure you’re no master level martial artist…”

“Kid what would you know about martial arts?” The man shot out while folding his arms across his chest to loom over the redhead.

Cutting herself just short of telling the guy how good she was and subsequently blowing her cover Ranma seamlessly shifted into a different direction, “I’ve seen a few movies.”

“Well kid this ain’t no movie and I got more skill in the nub of my pinky than those Hollywood wussies. Now be a good little girl and shut the hell up.”

Bristling at the way she was being talked down to Ranma bit down on her retort just as the elevator bell chimed signaling that they had arrived on the twenty seventh floor. Making a small step forward she glanced over her shoulder at the Yakusa thug to ask, “Are you going to tell me what room he’s in?”

Snorting at the girl the man replied, “Girl, this entire floor is Takata-sans playground. He knows you’re here so just get off the damm elevator and quite asking me stupid questions so I can get back to work.”

“Whatever…” Ranma waved off making a note to start a list and add that guy to it while stepping off the elevator before plastering on a wide grin and calling out, “Yo Takata, you up here or what? I ain‘t got all day.”

“My for such a delicate looking flower you sure are brash.” A mans voice called out adding, “And impatient too… though I like that.”

“Whatever.” Ranma replied with a shrug while following the voice, “So you going to come out here or what?”

“How about you try to find me…” The man jovially retorted, “We can make a game out of it… The young innocent maiden verses the hungry wolf.”

“Pheh…” Ranma snorted as she paused to shove a door open, hearing a loud crash that sounded like a body slamming into the wall she added, “Nah ain’t got time for that, this is much easier.”

“So forceful… so strong…” the man muttered before scrambling to his feet and replying, “The agency said that you were new and inexperienced.”

“Yeah well I got plenty of experience.” Ranma muttered, not really understanding what the man was talking about while taking a good look at the guy before blinking and looking again, taking in the mans appearance and comparing it to the guy in the elevator. “Are you sure you’re a Yakusa? I mean the guy in the elevator was pretty big, not that you aren’t though I would have expected someone a bit taller and less round.”

“I’m a doctor... Of sorts. Let‘s just say they allow me certain liberties around here due to my expertise.”

Shrugging because she actually had a schedule to keep and needed to move things along the redhead replied, “Right, well I think you have something I need.”

“Right down to business, I like that…” The man leered in response as he began tugging away at his over stretched belt.

“Hey… What do you think you’re doing?” Ranma growled suddenly as she shot forward to grab the guy by his shirt before he could finish taking off his pants. Realizing that the man continued leering at her while trying to fish off his belt and undo his pants Ranma growled in disgust, realizing just what the man was wanting to do. Not wanting him anywhere near her when he dropped his pants the redhead pushed the man back sending him sliding across the floor.

Thinking that the redheads disgust and irritation were part of what he was paying for the man’s face light up in delight as he replied, “I’m sorry… So sorry… I’ve been a bad bad boy… I think I need to be punished…”

Repulsed by the eagerness in the mans voice as he crawled back towards her Ranma took a few steps forward before smashing her foot down on the mans hand “Look buddy, I aint got time for this.”

“What delicate feet…” The man muttered before inching his face forward and trying to bring his lips to the top of the redheads shoes while muttering, “So delicate… So tiny… Mistress, you must let me lick your feet… I‘ll do anything… Just one little lick… It‘s all I ask…”

Jerking her foot back while she openly shuddered in disgust on what Nabiki had gotten her into Ranma muttered in annoyance, “Stupid Neko-ken… Better be worth it…”

“Stupid kitty?” the man replied having not really heard what the girl had said, “I can do that… Meow… Meow…”

Having gone well beyond her comfort level and patience with the entire situation Ranma kicked the man in the side, once again sending the heavyset older man across the floor.

“Meow… Meow…”

“You’re really starting to get on my nerves.” Ranma muttered in annoyance while she approached the man with the intent of moving on to rescue the girl.

“Is kitty being bad?” came the mans eager reply.

“You… Why I… Stupid…” the redhead sputtered before kicking the guy in the head and flinging him into the wall where he slid back down to the ground bonelessly.

Taking a few deep breaths to calm herself down over the ordeal the pigtailed girl began rifling though the mans pockets looking for the access card.

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“Nabiki, are you sure this is wise? Ranma has no experience in these things and although you explained the plan in detail, I did notice that you left out several key facts.”

Closing the file she had been flipping through while they waited for Ranma’s return the brunette replied, “We were pressed for time and it’s not like he was going to be doing anything other than knocking the doctor out and taking his access badge.”

“True, I suppose. However I still feel that perhaps you should have explained things a bit better in that regard before setting him loose.”

“Hinako, how many years have you known me now? What is it, three? You trust me right?”

“For the most part.” The older woman muttered.

“Oh come on, so I got you to work for me for all the pocky you could eat. You really need to let this go. Besides didn’t I double your old salary, give you healthcare with dental? That’s not mentioning all the other perks you get for being my assistant.”



“Yeah but I lost two teeth before you gave me dental.” The older woman complained.

“Yeah… but they grew back. And really just because you had all the pocky you could eat didn’t mean that you had to eat all the pocky.”

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‘Finally…” Ranma muttered as she fished out the plastic security card from a large ceramic bowl sitting on a table near the elevator. “Figures that it would be in the last place I looked.”

Looking towards the elevator as she mentally went over Nabiki’s plan Ranma thought, “Well she said there’s stairs somewhere but I didn’t see a door anywhere while I was looking for the badge. So I guess I’m going to have to go up the elevator shaft.”

Shrugging in indifference the redhead made her way forward intent on prying them open so she could climb up to the shaft to the thirtieth floor, leaving behind one very tied up and unconscious pervert in the remains on his once pristine and luxurious surroundings that now resembled the aftermath of a rock bands wild party.

Hearing a glass object shatter from somewhere in the background Ranma held back a wince before shrugging and rationalizing, “Not my fault, he should’ve left the access card in his pockets. It’s not like I can read minds or anything like that.”


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“So any word from Stark?” Nabiki asked her companion as she tried to sit patiently in waiting for Ranma’s return.

“I spoke to him before picking you up. I was busy dealing with Miss Mizumo at the time but he did say that the house was ready and that his contacts had managed to find Banner and convince him to at least meet with you.”

“That’s good. Two less things for me to worry about.”

“If I might be so bold to ask?” Hinako started and waited until she saw her employer nod before continuing, “Why Banner? He seems to present a very unnecessary if not volatile risk to your operations.”

Shrugging as she contemplated the older womans question the middle tendo replied, “I’m not a scientist, and despite what it seems like I don’t have unlimited funds. I needed someone non aligned and off the radar that I could trust to view my files. Banner fits that fairly well and has the added benefit of needing a bit of help himself, help that I think we can provide.”

“Ah… But what about Stark? You’ve been working with him for the past two years. And he’s already seen some of your files. I’m not sure I understand why you don’t allow him to see more.”

Sighing as she looked at the older woman Nabiki replied, “Stark has his company to run and while it is true that he has seen some of my files the things he saw technically already belonged to him. He just hadn’t designed them yet. Besides, I’m trying to stay off of SHIELD’s radar for now and with how closely they watch Stark that would be counter productive.”

“But once they find out about…”

“Yes, there is that. But if things go according to plan then they won’t find out about it until it’s too late for them to really do anything about it.”

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“Figures…” Ranma muttered to herself as she came sat down on her haunches to stare through a grate into a stairwell. “Stupid elevator not going up to the thirtieth floor. I was lucky that I found this vent to crawl through only now I find the stairs Nabiki was talking about and I just know that I am going to be really annoyed when I open that door. Luckily though I don’t have to… That’s right, just going to go up to the thirtieth floor and rescue the girl and bypass this door completely.”

Annoyed with herself for missing the door that lead into the stairway and consequently losing several minutes of time wandering around in an air vent that was just barely large enough for her to maneuver in at some points the pigtailed martial artist reached forward and pushed the grate away from the wall before sliding out of the constricting vent and flipping down onto the landing.

Continuing to ignore her own curiosity as to where the actual door let out at Ranma pointedly trudged up the stairs, continuing up to the thirtieth floor where she was greeted by a door with a little black squarish thing next to the handle. After testing the knob and finding it locked the redhead reasoned that in order to unlock the door she needed to hold the card to the blackish square to gain entry. After doing so she was rewarded with a light beep followed by a click. Testing the knob once more and finding the door unlocked she pushed forward and cautiously made her way into the thirtieth floor.

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Betsy Braddock sat silently in her cell as she waited, for what she wasn’t sure any more. What had started out as a simple foreign exchange program a year ago had twisted and turned into something entirely different that resulted in her being physically changed and imprisoned while her captuers attempted to bend her to their will.

Up to three months ago everything had been fine, she had been going to school, living with her host family and studying in her down time under her hosts tutelage in Ninjustu. They had been impressed with her progress, so much so that they tried to convince her to showcase her skills in a mixed martial arts tournament. She had declined politely explaining to them that she wasn’t yet ready to take that step.

Reluctantly they had complied with her wishes and her life continued as it had, rotating between school, Ninjustu training while trying to maintain something of a social life. The social life aspect had been difficult for her, she was a foreigner with exotic looks to the locals and due to her Ninjutsu training was in excellent shape with all those aspects combined she found most boys to be too intimidated to even consider approaching her. Those that did just wanted her as a status symbol for no other purpose than to say, “Hey look, I’m dating a gajin chick.”

Then one day though she was approached by a boy and for some reason she had felt his sincerity in getting to know her as a person. She hadn’t been sure at the time but it had almost seemed like she had seen into his own thoughts while he stammered up the courage to ask her out on a date. Normally she wouldn’t have considered the boys request and figured out a means to let him down gently but as starved as what she was for genuine attention from the opposite sex she had agreed.

The date had started off nice enough, if a bit awkward in most part due to the boy’s nervousness that just seemed to radiate off of him in waves. Eventually though he had relaxed and she had actually started to enjoy the date, so much so that when he suggested a special desert at this little place well off the beaten track she had agreed without question as she could just feel the sincerity from the boy and felt no deception coming from him.

She remembered walking with him and even holding hands for a time but then she had heard a voice calling out for help. When she had asked her date if he had heard it too he denied it leaving her to wonder if she had been imagining it, until she heard it again sounding more desperate. Still though her date denied hearing anything and suggested that she might just be tired and hearing a cat or someone’s tv from the street. When she heard the voice call out again a third time she couldn’t take it anymore she, could literally feel the desperation in the mans voice and told her date under no certain terms that they were going to investigate.

She also recalled that he had followed her albieght grumbling all the way to the point that she had gotten annoyed with him and told him to be quiet or go home. For a short time he had continued to follow her up until she distinctly heard him call her a crazy stuck up gajin chick and that it was no wonder why no one wanted to go out with her causing her to turn around and verbally lay into him something fierce.

He had run off at that point looking scared with a shocked look on his face but she hadn’t cared as at the time as she had finally zeroed in on the man in distress.

Things had gotten really hazy after that, she remembered slowly slinking through the shadows of the alley and spying on what turned out to be four men standing over the beaten body of a fifth man. She had contemplated getting help but before she could do so one of the men pulled a knife and grabbed ahold of the downed mans hair. Thinking that there wasn’t time she had sprung into action with the hopes that the element of suprize would tip the odds into her favor.

Only it hadn’t, despite the initial shock her arrival had caused the men had been able to mount a defense. Even her admittedly above average ninjutsu skills hadn’t been enough and she had soon found herself hard pressed to keep up with the men who all seemed to be exceptionally skilled. Then though in a moment of desperation she had felt something build up inside of her and release into the small swarm of opponents. She had nearly been stalled into inaction as she watched a dozen glowing semi transparent kunai’s materialize around her before seemly launching themselves forward and driving themselves into the group of men.

However the need to recover the downed man and get them both out of there before the others had a chance to regroup pushed her doubts about how she had done what she did aside and without further delay she had reached forward to assist the man to his feet. Once the man was on his feet she had then caught movement out of the corner of her eye, seeing the man she had just helped to his feet reach down and grab a stun gun while looking past her she turned and reached out in an attempt to do the same thing as before, forming a mental kunai and sending it hurling at the attacker who was climbing to his feet.

After then making sure no one else was getting to their feet Betsy had turned around only for her mind to scream at her to move, but it was too late as she felt the jolting pain of a stun gun digging into the back of her neck.

Shaking herself out of her self induced flashback the purple haired girl sensed a presence just beyond the door to her cell. Shivering at the possibility that it was the would be doctor coming to gloat about his most recent escapade she tentatively reached out with her mind, hoping that if it was the doctor that his mind would be clear of debaturey with young girls for a change. “Actually come to think of it, that’s probably the main reason why he comes up here right afterward… To show me what might happen if I’m not a good girl…” Frowning at the revelation Betsy openly shivered in disgust before noting that her subtle mental probe was reading an unfamiliar presence at the door.

With hope swelling in her chest at the revelation that there was a fellow teen on the other side of the door with the intention of rescuing her the dark purple haired girl stood up and away from the bed in her cell and took a moment to straighten out the imaginary wrinkles on the revealing spandex cat suit that the good doctor had provided to her as clothing. After all despite the newness of her powers she could feel the confidence rolling off of what she was reading as a male teen in waves and usually confidence was a side effect of good looks.

1234321

“This is too easy…” Ranma muttered to herself as she stared at what according to the map Nabiki had given her was the door to the cell containing her target, “Then again Nabiki did say that they wouldn’t be expecting anyone to break into their headquarters.” Looking down at the small girlish watch that was supposedly part of her disguise Ranma realized that she had to get a move on things and quickly held the access card over the scanner to unlock the door.


12321

Betsy blinked as the main door to her cell swung open leaving only the Secondary door consisting bars separating her from what she had originally had thought was a guy sent to save her. “Well she reads like a guy… I think…” Reengaging her mental gifts that were partially responsible for the situation she now found herself in Betsy considered the redheads surface thoughts again, “Let’s see… she seems to be annoyed for some reason… Bra digging into her shoulders… I suppose that would do it… wait there’s more… Breasts… A panda… Engagement… Madly groping fiancée to be… Putting it in hold… Jerk in the elevator… Pervert scientist… Neko… And girl who is standing there with a weird look on her face…”

Flushing as she realized that the last bit of annoyance was directed at her Betsy stood up and cleared her throat and offered, “Uhmm… You’re a Guy?“

Blinking as she really hadn’t been expecting that response from the girl Ranma nodded while puffing out her chest in pride, “Yep, 100 percent male right here.”

Staring at the redhead momentarily as she noted the very realist bounce in her chest Betsy added, “Well, wow… I mean…”

“Perhaps this curse isn’t so bad… I mean first Nabiki and now this girl both knowing I’m a guy without me having to explain it…” Ranma thought as she conveniently forgot that Nabiki had known about the curse and the girl standing there in front of her waiting for something was a telepath she added, “You know, I think we’re going to be good friends, well if you decide to stick around once I bust you out of here.”

“About that… The bars there are pressure sensitive and need a retinal scan from Takata to unlock.”

Grunting as she slung off the lightweight girly backpack from her shoulders “Yeah… Nabiki figured as much…” Taking out a sealed plastic bag containing a thermos she continued while gingerly setting the bag on the other side of the bars, “If you want out of here you’re going to have to trust me on this. There’s water inside that thermos, just take it out and dump it over your head.” Seeing the skeptical look on the other girls face she added, “Look Nabiki said you could read my mind and stuff, I have a curse that changes with cold water, just look into my head or something.”

Skeptical and yet feeling a bit pressed for time Betsy once again reached out with her mind, delving deeper than her two previous probes and came across a memory that the redhead was cycling through her mind, a memory containing a valley of springs and an admittedly handsome youth leaping from pole to pole as he sparred with his father. After what seemed like minutes but where actually seconds the purple haired teen snapped back to herself as she nodded in understanding about how the guy standing in front of her appeared to be a girl. “So, It’s a curse?” She asked before adding, “But I don’t see how turning into a girl is going to help me get through those bars.” Feeling a bit more bold than usual probably due to her third trip into the other teens mind where she could literally feel the confidence wafting over her Betsy turned to the side while flaunting her curves and teased, “As you can tell, I’m already a girl.”

Shrugging as she stuck her hand back into the bag Ranma heatedly, “I know that, that water’s just a one shot temporary curse thing, I think it turns you into a mongoose or something… I’m really not sure, I was told to tell you to pour the stuff over yourself while wearing this blindfold and somehow get you to climb into this backpack.”

“You’re not sure? How are you supposed to know whether or not I can make it through the bars if you aren’t sure what animal I am going to turn into. For all you know I could turn into a pig or something and then what would I do? It’s not like the toilet in the corner has hot water in it.” Pausing as another thought occurred to her the telepathic girl added, “And why are you supposed to wear the blind fold?”

Shrugging as she tied said blind fold around her head the redhead replied, “Cause Nabiki told me that you shrink out of your clothes and that it would be the polite thing to do. This way I’m not tempted to look at you naked I guess.”


Realizing that she really had nothing to lose Betsy stepped forward and retrieved the thermos before stepping back towards her bed where she proceeded to strip out of her clothes before dousing herself with the mongoose water, “Well here goes nothing…” She thought to herself just as she poured the water over her head and immediately began to feel an odd tingling from all over her body.

“Did it work? I feel different… Everything looks bigger… Did I shrink? I did shrink… So what now? Just slip between the bars? They’re still pressure sensitive…” Deciding to ask her redheaded savior a question and unsure on whether she could still talk or not the former exchange student tried, “If I touch the bars won’t it trigger the alarm?” Unfortunately for her though the only sound that left her mouth was a scratchy mewling sound reminiscent of extended cat’s meow.

Jerking in place as she heard the one thing that could throw a monkey wrench in the rescue mission Ranma tried to steele her nerves long enough to hiss out, “Hurry up and get in the bag… We need to get out of here… Nabiki didn’t tell me that they had guard cats.”

Shaking her furry little head as she realized that somehow the sound she had made was responsible for spooking her would be savior Betsy catiously padded forward to slip between the bars while attempting to reach out with her mind to communicate with the red head, “I don’t think there’s such a thing as guard cats. And I‘m trying to hurry but these bars are still pressure sensitive and just brushing up against them could set off the alarm.”

Not realizing that Betsy was talking telepathically to her Ranma hissed, “Of course there are, it’s just unusual to run into them outside of Egypt. And don’t worry about setting off the alarm if those guard cats get to us we’ll have a much bigger problem on our hands.”

Unsure as to what was really going on with her would be rescuer the temporarily small cat tried to probe the redheads mind again only to flinch backwards as her vision was suddenly filled with glowing slitted yellow eyes.


That's all I really have at the moment
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Re: Untitled ranma xmen evo au

Postby Dumbledork » Tue Nov 22, 2011 10:53 am

Quite an interesting story. It's good to see you writing again.

I really like what you did to Nabiki. One thing I don't understand. Why did Nabiki try to learn the neko-ken if she knew the results?
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Re: Untitled ranma xmen evo au

Postby genhoss2 » Tue Nov 22, 2011 11:17 am

Well it's something that will be addressed later but I might tac something in there to explain it somewhat. basically she was young, inexperainced but most importantly she saw it in her dreams. It was also supposed to be an intentional lesson for her to learn that not all things are for her by the individual behind the things she is seeing
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Re: Untitled ranma xmen evo au

Postby frice2000 » Tue Nov 22, 2011 2:17 pm

“Today… I’ve been waiting so long. Since mother

Make it clearer at the start here that she's writing a note. The quotation marks perhaps aren't the best choice to make that clear. Also establish the scene better. Where is she when she's writing the note? is it night? Day? Easter? Establish the scene and the mood of the writer.

to divert from either timeline was a good thing.”

to divert from the other OR to divert from either of the other timelines Something sounds wrong here.

“The one thing that that first attempt taught me though was that not everything in my visions was meant for me, that something’s were met for others and the reason I was shown them was to either better my own understanding or help me make contact with someone. After all the best way to get on someone’s radar

Don't understand. is she supposed to share technology they need? That they are working on? That they have? Too unclear needs some clarification.

coming to head

to a head

sitting in the trunk of the limo that would be returning

OK...So Nabiki can: A. Afford a limo. This leads me to question how she has gotten that money since the visions have seemingly changed her chracter drastically. Maybe a taxi or something less ostentatious? Or is someone else providing it? B. So she is now willing to spend her own money? This is a new characterization for her since she never has been willing before. C. When are we? What is her age here? Canon start age? Really need more establishment overall kinds of feel like we're swimming in way too uncertain waters.

“Come on now handsome we’re going to be late.”

Slow down. Moving way too quickly. I get you want to break us entirely out of canon, but this is ludicrously fast movement speed in story terms. At least get a smidgen of introduction first, Ranma doesn't even know who she is and I don't think he'd be this easily dragged.

Your name is Ranma Soatome

Spelling

you wear boxers, have a affinity for wearing silk clothing, are a martial arts prodigy with the potential to be the best, have a curse that turns you into a girl with cold water. You also need to keep your pigtail bound while male because you ate dragon whisker soup which would have been no problem if you were bald but since you aren’t you need to keep your hair bound until the effects wear off lest you go bald. Oh and there is a little manner of a purple haired Chinese girl chasing after you but I wouldn’t worry about her because,

...So the premise of the story is that Nabiki knew where and when of most of these events and tried to change somethings? But overall changed nothing and tried to make no impact on what Ranma was experiencing? Odd.

“Oh…” Ranma replied missing the fact that she didn’t really

Nope, don't buy this. Think Ranma should be slightly more suspicious, paranoid, and a tad tentative with all the horrible things that's been happening to him at the start of canon here.

“Actually… First things first, I really think that we should hold off on this engagement for now. If you want to stick it out, that‘s fine but no pressure…

Way too fast. Losing interest in the story because of it. I know you want to get to your plot but this is moving at such a pace that it's hard to follow.

No not yet. Right now she’s just a girl who has been kidnapped and is

And here is where I'd bow out if I was reading this on FFnet and just stumbled across it. Slow down, this is way too fast and unestablished for such radical changes to canon.

that this girl, the reason she is being held

Grammar, word choice

Neko-ken. Needs the -

”In a fashion…” The point is though

Quotes inside a quote?

“I’ll do it.” Ranma started while holding up his index

I can easily see him accepting it, but he should be asking her how she knows earlier then this. Right after the Neko-ken comment. If he asks her how she knows all this you fix a lot of problems with the pacing as well as making his acceptance more believable. As it stands I don't see how he wouldn't question her at least a little. Also the timing of this abduction is way too coincidental. it just happens like fifteen minutes after he arrives at their home? Making it like a day later or something or more iffy would fit in a lot better. Do you want to make her predictions that accurate and fool proof? If so isn't that drastically overpowered in dealing with problems that may arise?

There are sometimes I like

There are times I like

I don’t have the gene.

She was tested for it?

Miss Braddocks

Miss Braddocks's

little sister, that one was Mutant free.

little sister. That one was mutant free.

Besty I didn’t see her in

Betsy

Cause it seems

'Cause it seems

Yeah, I’m definitely a mutant.”

I'm not the biggest X-Men fan but isn't there quite a negative stigma associated with being a mutant? He's just going to go sure I accept that stigma, when he usually very much wants to be accepted by his peers? Also if mutants are such a part of society as shown in X-Men canon would not he have heard of them on the many occasions he was attending school, or at the least when they were going around looking for strong fighters, fights, etc. on their training trip? Would think some mutants would be drawn to that sort of environment.

single Yakusua

Yakuza You made this mistake at every instance of the word.

you’re going to need to do this female.”

you're going to need to do this as a woman."

hand meniclly

menacingly

Once again,

cut

“She came down positive with something and well…”

Ohh...and Ranma willingly agrees to dress up as a prostitute? Don't think he's ignorant enough to not understand this.

“Yeah well I got plenty of experience.”

Yeah, this is cute but really don't think Ranma's this ignorant. Personal taste though so it's fine I suppose.

Besides didn’t I double your old salary, give you healthcare with dental? T

Where's she getting these funds? Again just feel like it could use some more establishment.

Yeah… but they grew back. And really just because you had all the pocky you could eat didn’t mean that you had to eat all the pocky

Very cute. Could be added to possibly, maybe describing needing to get her stomach pumped or something?

the remains on his

the remains of his

It’s not like I can read minds or anything like that.”

cut

“So any word from Stark?” Nabiki asked her companion as she tried to sit patiently in waiting for Ranma’s return.

“I spoke to him before picking you up. I was busy dealing with Miss Mizumo at the time but he did say that the house was ready and that his contacts had managed to find Banner and convince him to at least meet with you.”

Oh...Really? Wow. This much contacts and...I can't help but feeling seeing Nabiki set up this network would be far more entertaining then this story has been so far. A ten year old and now ~18 year old setting up this much of a network with such geniuses in their respective fields and such, seems like a EXCELLENT story there. I hope at least you plan on lots of flashbacks!

despite what it seems like

Word choice

“Stupid elevator not going up to the thirtieth floor. I was lucky that I found this vent to crawl through only now I find the stairs Nabiki

Make this internal dialogue

Then though in a

cut though

Not bad. Intriguing plot, and intriguing backstory. Problem is I liked the backstory a little more then your plot. Really could develop into something pretty good though regardless. Like the whole 'agency' thing Nabiki seems to be running. I'd redo the beginning. Maybe start with a flashback of her first getting these thoughts rather then doing it in a letter. Show maybe five or six instances and how she reacts to them. Show her starting her little agency and provide specific examples of technology she gives to folks. That makes the middle part of what is currently written far more understandable and weighty and also provides us with lots more direction on what is to come later.
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Re: Untitled ranma xmen evo au

Postby borgrabbit » Wed Nov 23, 2011 1:53 pm

Great start and if you incorporate at least the spelling and grammar suggestions of the previous posters, I will be happy to see much more.
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Re: Untitled ranma xmen evo au

Postby genhoss2 » Wed Nov 23, 2011 10:00 pm

Well I'm not married to the start was just trying something different to start off a fic but I really don't think it's neccisary to go into a young nabiki flashback. I think that perhaps a bit of fine tuneing on the letter might work. And my copy has the right formatting after I submitted it the italics for thought dissapeared, well was using italics for the letter as well but people generally think as they write so that's why i did it that way, it just doesn't show here.

And the limo thing, with the next part you'd find out that it isn't actually nabiki's limo. So yes the visions did change Nabiki however with what she is attempting to do will require funding so basically that money which supstantial for her purposes is only just so. the means she uses to get around that are arrangements with mostly stark but a few others as well where she trades services. In Starks case for what I wanted to do with Nabiki(basically a very toned down Iron man version with limited weapons, nothing ballistic, thinking about just the hand boosters and one shot lazer from the second movie.

Sorry about that, I forgot to mention that this is also a Iron man xover with just using general knowledge and movie continuety for referance. I suppose that the i should also mention that since good old captian rogers is on ice in the xmen evo universe he will most likely make a cameo as well.

So the premise of the story is that Nabiki knew where and when of most of these events and tried to change somethings? But overall changed nothing and tried to make no impact on what Ranma was experiencing? Odd.


No not really, for some things she was able to figure out the where and when. But well with Ranma, she saw the neko ken training but she didn't see where it was at, a pit in a clearing surrounded by trees. Sure perhaps she could have seen a landmark or something to help narrow the area down but what would she have done after getting there. well besides wrap herself with fish sauseges and hop in the pit.

Spoiler--- so don't read if you want to know the premise. At the end of xmen evolution apacolypse is defeated disappearing in the eye of ages after Wolverine slashes controls with his claws. what happened for this fic is that caused Apacolypse to jump realities and what Nabiki saw at first were the original realities, then her guide started showing her other things once nabiki decided that she wanted to change things.

So if it helps any think of this fic as a ranma xmen evo fused with the general idea of the age of apacolypse


Don't take offense that I'm not going to answer every single one of your suggestions becuase I have a long drive tommarow and need to do a bit of prep. I thank you for the grammer and spelling suggestions. I will make the aplicable changes so I appreciate that. This is just a rough draft that I tossed together from several stunted scenes that I had laying about for the past year or so while I work on adding chapters to a few stories

so if anyone is interested probably in mid december long awiated updates with some revisions to

Making a Difference Mostly revisions with a new chapter
Rebirth of the Undomesticated equine 2 new chapters
Festival new chapter
10 chapters of 20 of a new Ranma evangelion fic refabed from the first chapter
Brothers United new chapter with minor revisions
and possibly a new teasers fic where I will start tossing story fragments
Oh and skipping a groove 2 chapters possibly depends on if i like the second chapter

So while I have not really been around I have been working on stuff just been doing it incogneto
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Re: Untitled ranma xmen evo au

Postby frice2000 » Sat Nov 26, 2011 7:54 pm

but I really don't think it's neccisary to go into a young nabiki flashback.

I really don't think the letter can be as compelling as letting us live through the incidents. Starting this story off with her as a child and experencing something she doesn't understand and that scares her gives us a lot of emotional investment to start, and starting a story in the characters childhood is rarely if ever done. I obviously don't know what you're planning on doing for the story later and if you want to keep some stuff hidden from us, but really starting off with Nabiki it really feels like we should understand her, and we just don't. Seems that starting the story off with a chapter that just discusses Nabiki's backstory would make the whole story far more interesting, at least to me. On the other-hand you could start the story off instead from the normal Ranma canon perspective and setup. Don't give us any of Nabiki's perspective, just showcase the story from Ranma's. The story already kind of makes me go WTF is going on here, cutting off more information makes that even more interesting and would take the reader by surprise. You'd have to be a bit more careful with that approach but seems it'd be more interesting. Either way just don't think writing a letter is the best way to go about the introduction, at all. Especially since the rest of the story doesn't follow along in a format that'd make it logical to do that.

I wanted to do with Nabiki(basically a very toned down Iron man version with limited weapons, nothing ballistic

So you want to make her a fighter? Interesting, since in this piece to date she seems entirely to just be a standard information broker/mind that we had in canon but far more white hat. I'd have her fight by the end of this chapter if that's where you want to go, or point this out better. Maybe Ranma recognizes her strength or feels the pull of her muscles and it surprises him? Does need some more establishment and hints within what you've already got written.

Sure perhaps she could have seen a landmark or something to help narrow the area down

But, she could've contacted her contacts asked them to help them track him down, try to calm down Nodoka's ideas considering she knows what her reaction will be to the curse, etc. The fact that she seemingly made no difference in his life is just weird considering her powers. At the least mention how her being this important, a trained fighter, etc. changed her own personal dynamic with her sisters. Just lots of questions we haven't seen, and really we seemed to rush too quickly to the first mission. Background establishment would be nice.

Sorry this took so long to respond to, was away for Thanksgiving and only had a tablet which I don't like writing something a little long on.
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Re: Untitled ranma xmen evo au

Postby genhoss2 » Mon Nov 28, 2011 10:39 am

So you want to make her a fighter? Interesting, since in this piece to date she seems entirely to just be a standard information broker/mind that we had in canon but far more white hat. I'd have her fight by the end of this chapter if that's where you want to go, or point this out better. Maybe Ranma recognizes her strength or feels the pull of her muscles and it surprises him? Does need some more establishment and hints within what you've already got written.



Well I wouldn't say standard info broker, she has a limited amount of info to work with. while it is true that I state her files are massive and that she knows what is supposed to happen in the 'canon' versions alot of what she knew is going to change, slowly at first but then more rapidly once her team gets set up. Nabiki is going to be taking a more supportive role, not nessisarily front line as the team I am going to have her assemble will be mostly front liner's.

Ofcourse there is the other information that Nabiki has but most of that stuff was intended either for self use or to make contacs or scrounge up funds

I guess it wouldn't hurt to mention my intentions on the team, As you can probably gather pylocke, ranma, with Nabiki as the starting trio.

Hinako and Banner in more secondary roles, sort of like storm' and beasts roles in the series.

And then in addition to that, X23 and I was considering busting Wanda out of the asylum before Mystique could get her meat hooks into her.

and while steve rogers and Iron man will make an apearance they won't be joining with Nabiki. Nor will she be joining shield.


But, she could've contacted her contacts asked them to help them track him down, try to calm down Nodoka's ideas considering she knows what her reaction will be to the curse, etc. The fact that she seemingly made no difference in his life is just weird considering her powers. At the least mention how her being this important, a trained fighter, etc. changed her own personal dynamic with her sisters. Just lots of questions we haven't seen, and really we seemed to rush too quickly to the first mission. Background establishment would be nice.



Nodoka is a bit of a moot point and doesn't really factor in this story until possibly the end. Now Nabiki isn't going to hide her existance from Ranma, I was considering having Nabiki getting Ranma to write her letters. I'm not sure on this at this point just something i was considering.

And while you can't see the difference at this point doesn't mean that there is no difference, trying to put everything in the first chapter would just jumble everything up. There was a reason as to why Nabiki wrote the letter and when that letter gets delivered alot of the questions about family dynamics and Nodoka will be answered.

Also why would Nabiki track Ranma down? at the point where She gets the visions and finnally starts to make enough sense of them she doesn't have a network of spies or trackers, and there is the small matter of if ranma's training. Say what you will about genma but canon ranma was well trained why change what worked. Now post tendo arrival Ranma was capable of training by himself but thats after genma's influence.

I also think that by not showing some background establishment right away I am showing key elements of Nabiki's situation. She is working on a very strict timeframe, sure she could have Hinako keep driving her around the block while she holds ranma's hand and explaines everything into detail and pleads for his help. The problem with doing that though is that Hinako has already temporarily taken care of the real Rieko Mizumo.
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Re: Untitled ranma xmen evo au

Postby Spokavriel » Mon Nov 28, 2011 4:21 pm

I like this and the pacing so far. Also the amount of ambiguity you have so far is a really good hook to keep people wanting to stick around and find out more. Just wish you had gotten further already. You know like Psyloke meeting Nabiki or actually getting clear of the Yakuza installation.
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Re: Untitled ranma xmen evo au

Postby Makoto » Tue Nov 29, 2011 11:45 pm

Did they ever actually introduce Psylocke in Evolution?

(No, I'm honestly curious, as I didn't get to see all the episodes. I know they did introduce her in the previous animated series.)
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Re: Untitled ranma xmen evo au

Postby genhoss2 » Thu Dec 01, 2011 1:00 am

No they did not, I added her becuase I felt that A main team of Ranma Nabiki x23 is a bit on the small side teamwise. Which is also why I am on the fence about adding wanda to Nabiki;s team as then the brotherhood gets shorted.

On the pro side for adding wanda to Nabiki's team I would have a chapter that delves into phylocke's powers while at the same time the start of a possible treatment for the nekoken.

But if I do that Then as i mentioned the brotherhood would be shorted and they do kind of need wanda for the extra power she offers.

Course just because they bust her out doesn't mean that she has to stay with them. there is boom boom I suppose.
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Re: Untitled ranma xmen evo au

Postby Spokavriel » Thu Dec 01, 2011 11:01 am

Would it have to be Wanda? And why couldn't Nabiki have contacts with people in multiple groups? I think the only real problem is if the people in other groups become part of the team and easy to notice as such. If you don't go down the Chaos magic path you can even have almost all the advantages she provides by borrowing Jynx from DC's Teen Titans. Its not like this world has to be locked into Marvel only. In fact allowing it to be a multi cross could be the easiest way to avoid breaking teams.
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Re: Untitled ranma xmen evo au

Postby genhoss2 » Fri Dec 02, 2011 1:00 pm

actually no not really. i pretty much have the marvelverse to work with. I was considering bringing her in on Nabiki's team becuase I had a good story line for her. I think I still do though becuase as I mentioned before just becuase Nabiki breaks her out doens't mean that she has to stay with Nabiki. actually now that I think about it thats a better way to go.

Now with Wanda still going to the brother hood does Nabiki's team need another team mate?
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Re: Untitled ranma xmen evo au

Postby Spokavriel » Fri Dec 02, 2011 7:48 pm

I think you should have a constant team of at least 4. But it would be great if you built on the unknown contacts you seem to have going already to make it so she could call in favors where needed so long as it doesn't hurt other teams.
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