"There's no more Condition White."
live in that world? Unaware unprepared?"
"One hopes, because
Odds are I'll get pretty mauled in the next fight, but that's not what you're worried about?"
"You could handle simply fighting Miss Tsukino," Nariko gave a little sigh. "It would seem that Misa-chan has managed to be right again."
"Well, aren't you pretty,
"Right; a dull tool isn't a very useful tool."
Checking the shoes, Misako smiled. She had
strawberry-blonde's chin
"Something like that."
Her purple eyes seemed to shine in delight.
"Well old Chuck is more than welcome
Mr. Finley!
"Well, we like to
Crazy dames, you
"Apologies for the delay Lieutenant Patterson
cooling pastries."
"Mmm, now dear, you wanted to be mature, be the mommy. I'm only helping.
"There's no more Condition White."
live in that world? Unaware unprepared?"
"One hopes, because
Odds are I'll get pretty mauled in the next fight, but that's not what you're worried about?"
"You could handle simply fighting Miss Tsukino," Nariko gave a little sigh. "It would seem that Misa-chan has managed to be right again."
"Well, aren't you pretty,
"Right; a dull tool isn't a very useful tool."
Checking the shoes, Misako smiled. She had
strawberry-blonde's chin
"Something like that."
Her purple eyes seemed to shine in delight.
"Well old Chuck is more than welcome
Mr. Finley!
"Well, we like to
Crazy dames, you
"Apologies for the delay Lieutenant Patterson
cooling pastries."
"Mmm, now dear, you wanted to be mature, be the mommy. I'm only helping.
"Perhaps solving the Tsukino situation
Clearer?
I've done a few changes to the first scene and the descriptions and setup.
[I think the dialog tweaking also helps shift the tone to more of what I want.
The ankle-length shimmering purple silk gown stuck out
As I was pretty certain there would be a lot of attachment to it.
She quickly said, seeming to snap back. Even her eyes had resumed their delighted shine.
[Awww, why do they have to fight?
[Also Chuck is quite the ladies man ;p
Bree R. wrote:Junk "If that was REALLY Chuck Finley" Omake typed up in 5 minutes by Bree R.
Not taking her eyes off the men, Eve suppressed a sigh. "You want to play, then?" she asked Ranma.
The trio blinked with the two flanking men looking to their leader. "Don't think you can get away!" he shouted.
"Now now didn't your mother ever teach you it isn't nice to threaten a nice sophisticated set of ladies like these?" Chuck Finley asked approaching from the opposite direction seemingly having come through the wall.
"Chuck?!" Sunny asked bewildered. Turning to Eve she quietly sniped, "How exactly did he get through Patterson's team?" Overhearing Chuck only laughed softly.
"Those guys in the grey uniforms? Heh, they might be nice guys but they're nowhere near my level. Did a classic Mike inspired misdirection."
"Damn it! None of you are taking this seriously enough. You see this! It's a big damned knife! And I'm going to cut all your heads off with it." Mort proclaimed angrily before tears came into his eyes. "The least you could do is at least pretend to act afraid."
"Hey man! Don't worry we'll kill the guy and make the girls squeal don't let them get you down." Lenny said patting Mort on the back.
"Err...actually maybe Murdock was just laughing at us huh sis?" Eve said amused.
"Now, now the ladies and myself know not to worry about trash." Charles said icily. The succubae only rolled their eyes at the posturing the humans were going through. "Now if you would be so kind ladies I'll take out the trash for you...especially if I get a extra little gift later." Chuck winked at the ladies causing them to uncontrollably swoon before shaking their heads shocked they had been effected by such blatant macho male charm.
"Look Chuck I didn't call you in to get hurt we can handle..." Cecilia began flustered and blushing at a almost human level but Chuck Finley only shook his head. "Don't worry just give me five minutes with these guys."
Five minutes later.
All of the attacking men were on the ground bleeding from a few wounds but alive. The succubae were all attached to Chuck's body hugging and cuddling with him.
"That was the most impressive and indescribable piece of martial arts and soldiering I've ever seen..." Eve commented before kissing Chuck on the cheek.
"I told you he was a manly man." Cecilia swooned from her position on Chuck's other arm.
"Yum...Sorry about before honey...Will you be my sensei in the Art?" Sunny said burrowing deeper into Chuck's chest fiddling with his nipple briefly before kissing him. "And show me those big muscles in better detail?"
"Heh of course. Now then ladies why don't we go back to my motel room and I can show you all a few...moves."
"Oh of course Charles!" the three succubae said dreamily walking out of the alley all hanging onto Chuck's body and past Patterson's arriving men.
"What just happened?" Ramirez asked looking over the unconscious men.
"God damn I hate ex-Seals." Paterson grumbled.
The problem is that she's done some real gruesome stuff already.
[And also done some very heroic stuff by fighting alongside the agents.
Only Ramirez was frowning with disapproval and distaste.
We'll see how the revisions help.
[I can see how that bad beginning really weakened the whole experience.
"Perhaps solving the Tsukino situation
Clearer?
I've done a few changes to the first scene and the descriptions and setup.
[I think the dialog tweaking also helps shift the tone to more of what I want.
The ankle-length shimmering purple silk gown stuck out
As I was pretty certain there would be a lot of attachment to it.
She quickly said, seeming to snap back. Even her eyes had resumed their delighted shine.
[Awww, why do they have to fight?
[Also Chuck is quite the ladies man ;p
Bree R. wrote:Junk "If that was REALLY Chuck Finley" Omake typed up in 5 minutes by Bree R.
Not taking her eyes off the men, Eve suppressed a sigh. "You want to play, then?" she asked Ranma.
The trio blinked with the two flanking men looking to their leader. "Don't think you can get away!" he shouted.
"Now now didn't your mother ever teach you it isn't nice to threaten a nice sophisticated set of ladies like these?" Chuck Finley asked approaching from the opposite direction seemingly having come through the wall.
[Haha. Oh that's such a good line. I can hear it in his voice.
"Chuck?!" Sunny asked bewildered. Turning to Eve she quietly sniped, "How exactly did he get through Patterson's team?" Overhearing Chuck only laughed softly.
"Those guys in the grey uniforms? Heh, they might be nice guys but they're nowhere near my level. Did a classic Mike inspired misdirection."
[Mike-inspired
"Damn it! None of you are taking this seriously enough. You see this! It's a big damned knife! And I'm going to cut all your heads off with it." Mort proclaimed angrily before tears came into his eyes. "The least you could do is at least pretend to act afraid."
"Hey man! Don't worry we'll kill the guy and make the girls squeal don't let them get you down." Lenny said patting Mort on the back.
[Heh. Poor Mooks.
"Err...actually maybe Murdock was just laughing at us huh sis?" Eve said amused.
"Now, now the ladies and myself know not to worry about trash." Charles said icily. The succubae only rolled their eyes at the posturing the humans were going through. "Now if you would be so kind ladies I'll take out the trash for you...especially if I get a extra little gift later." Chuck winked at the ladies causing them to uncontrollably swoon before shaking their heads shocked they had been effected by such blatant macho male charm.
"Look Chuck I didn't call you in to get hurt we can handle..." Cecilia began flustered and blushing at a almost human level but Chuck Finley only shook his head. "Don't worry just give me five minutes with these guys."
Five minutes later.
All of the attacking men were on the ground bleeding from a few wounds but alive. The succubae were all attached to Chuck's body hugging and cuddling with him.
"That was the most impressive and indescribable piece of martial arts and soldiering I've ever seen..." Eve commented before kissing Chuck on the cheek.
[Heh. So Charles has a dream sequence ;p
"I told you he was a manly man." Cecilia swooned from her position on Chuck's other arm.
"Yum...Sorry about before honey...Will you be my sensei in the Art?" Sunny said burrowing deeper into Chuck's chest fiddling with his nipple briefly before kissing him. "And show me those big muscles in better detail?"
[Funny that I find Eve's line more out of character than Sunny's ;p
"Heh of course. Now then ladies why don't we go back to my motel room and I can show you all a few...moves."
"Oh of course Charles!" the three succubae said dreamily walking out of the alley all hanging onto Chuck's body and past Patterson's arriving men.
"What just happened?" Ramirez asked looking over the unconscious men.
"God damn I hate ex-Seals." Paterson grumbled.
The problem is that she's done some real gruesome stuff already.
[And also done some very heroic stuff by fighting alongside the agents.
Only Ramirez was frowning with disapproval and distaste.
We'll see how the revisions help.
[I can see how that bad beginning really weakened the whole experience.
A tinge of anxiety borne of how hobbled she was combat-wise
And also another think that could scare her is that this wasn't her going off in a fit of rage.
[She was in full control and considered her options here.
The lieutenant was reminded of the bank robbery that Red, the late Aram and Gabriel had foiled. She didn't eat anyone that time. Then again the Company did set her loose in an Assembly base where she gleefully slaughtered them by the dozens. Compared to that the cleanup and containment for this would go much quicker.
Idly sniffing the air, she zeroed in on the most apprehensive of the agents.
"Red?" Patterson asked as she glided past.
"She's just checking something out, Lieutenant," Eve assured as she straightened up herself.
Approaching Stockton, Ranma looked at his stance and how the black-haired man held his arms. "It's good to see you on active duty. Was the recovery difficult?"
Stiffing his back and keeping his eyes on her
[Not sure I have Ranma's emotional
Heh.
[Hmmm... well Murdock is resourceful.
A tinge of anxiety borne of how hobbled she was combat-wise
And also another think that could scare her is that this wasn't her going off in a fit of rage.
[She was in full control and considered her options here.
The lieutenant was reminded of the bank robbery that Red, the late Aram and Gabriel had foiled. She didn't eat anyone that time. Then again the Company did set her loose in an Assembly base where she gleefully slaughtered them by the dozens. Compared to that the cleanup and containment for this would go much quicker.
Idly sniffing the air, she zeroed in on the most apprehensive of the agents.
"Red?" Patterson asked as she glided past.
"She's just checking something out, Lieutenant," Eve assured as she straightened up herself.
Approaching Stockton, Ranma looked at his stance and how the black-haired man held his arms. "It's good to see you on active duty. Was the recovery difficult?"
Stiffing his back and keeping his eyes on her
[Not sure I have Ranma's emotional
Heh.
[Hmmm... well Murdock is resourceful.
[She's liked the taste of humans for a while.
[Though to be fair, succubae still taste better to her.
worried that I drew things out but... that's different. I have done worse
Also the idea of Ranma turning a person against there will is very... questionable.
[That's a very strong taboo for her, since she doesn't like violating a person's will like that.
Oh, do I have your permission to add the Omake to the end of the interlude?
[It is quite funny.
[She's liked the taste of humans for a while.
[Though to be fair, succubae still taste better to her.
worried that I drew things out but... that's different. I have done worse
Also the idea of Ranma turning a person against there will is very... questionable.
[That's a very strong taboo for her, since she doesn't like violating a person's will like that.
Oh, do I have your permission to add the Omake to the end of the interlude?
[It is quite funny.
crushed someone like a bug. Remember the Assembly base? They weren't all Priests and Acolytes. Would you have rather I took prisoners or... what? Or how about all the broodlings, baby succubae that fell by the dozen, what about t
If you read this before 4:28am EST on June 11 I've made extensive edits below
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