Return ch27

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Re: Return ch27

Postby Nadrek » Tue Feb 08, 2011 8:28 pm

Muahahahaha! Now I have to explai n to my wife why I don't want to go to bed yet.

I'm going to try short responses, not one massive one; that may work better with my current situation.

"negative punishment" - Eve starts off talking about operant conditioning, sounding like she's studied psychology, and then it falls apart completely here. Punishment is always intended to reduce the frequency of a behavior, reinforcement is always intended to increase the frequency.

Eve may mean punishment by the application of an adverse stimulus, with the intention of reducing the frequency of silence. She more likely means reinforcement by the removal of an adverse stimulus, with the intention of rewarding communication with a temporary reduction in pain.

For more advanced work, punishment by the prevention of the removal of an adverse stimulus is always fun.

"negative" and "positive" reward/reinforcement/punishment are not actually psychologically meaningful terms of art.
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Re: Return ch27

Postby Sunshine Temple » Tue Feb 08, 2011 8:40 pm

Nadrek
Muahahahaha! Now I have to explai n to my wife why I don't want to go to bed yet.

[Heh, oppsie.

I'm going to try short responses, not one massive one; that may work better with my current situation.

"negative punishment" - Eve starts off talking about operant conditioning, sounding like she's studied psychology, and then it falls apart completely here. Punishment is always intended to reduce the frequency of a behavior, reinforcement is always intended to increase the frequency.

[The behaviour she wants to reduce is "not answering my questions"

Eve may mean punishment by the application of an adverse stimulus, with the intention of reducing the frequency of silence. She more likely means reinforcement by the removal of an adverse stimulus, with the intention of rewarding communication with a temporary reduction in pain.

[Ah yes, that's what she means.
[Yeah, how you put it is less convoluted.

For more advanced work, punishment by the prevention of the removal of an adverse stimulus is always fun.

[heh.

"negative" and "positive" reward/reinforcement/punishment are not actually psychologically meaningful terms of art.

[True.
[How about this as a correction:

[[ Eve's grin grew. "Why yes. It's basic operant conditioning, specifically, adverse stimulus. Communication is rewarded with a reduction in pain, reinforcing cooperation. The goal is to make anything other than full disclosure unthinkable."]]
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Re: Return ch27

Postby Nadrek » Wed Feb 09, 2011 10:41 pm

Much better; though I'd specifically state "the removal of an adverse stimulus", even if the "reinforcement by" prefix is left off. The most common use of an adverse stimulus is punishment by the application of an adverse stimulus.

Note: this usage is technically correct, but pegs Eve as someone who has studied formal psychology. This makes sense to me, but should be noted so you fully understand.
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Re: Return ch27

Postby Sunshine Temple » Wed Feb 09, 2011 10:49 pm

Nardek

Much better; though I'd specifically state "the removal of an adverse stimulus", even if the "reinforcement by" prefix is left off. The most common use of an adverse stimulus is punishment by the application of an adverse stimulus.
[Ah good. I'll upload the change.

Note: this usage is technically correct, but pegs Eve as someone who has studied formal psychology. This makes sense to me, but should be noted so you fully understand.

[I think that works. Given Eve's mentality and job, some formal study would make sense, as it helps with her job.

[Thanks, that does help the scene a lot. Which is handy because it's very Eve-centric.
[Changes uploaded with V2f
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Re: Return ch27

Postby PCHeintz72 » Fri Feb 11, 2011 12:07 am

I really wanted to post on this sooner... but this week has been very busy, and it *was* an oversized chapter, of which I'm grateful...

A bunch of comments... my normal format, standard rules apply, feel free to ignore if don't like or disagree.

Serenity-san

Interesting that Ranma is calling her that.

"No. You're my client, not my equal, and certainly not my boss. You hired me to protect you from the Russians and kill you if you were to fall.

Wait... I thought that last was supposedly still a secret from the other inners present.

"Look, there's more to this than just breaking fingers." Ranma rubbed her forehead. "Information has to be run down, and data has to be organized and verified. He is a known liar, after all. Maybe I should have helped Eve, or seen what Mom was doing, she's been slaving in her lab finding ways to help you."

I think this needs to be two paragraphs, as it seems to be two speakers.

Mercury nodded while Orion made a few notes. She then ran her hand through Virgo's hair, which was now the shame shade

'shame' s/b 'same'

"In fact... I'm sure you have none, am I right, my creation?"

I suspected, with no reaction to that statement, I know.

"Yes... compared to you, Venus was primitive, prototype, but you can see what even she has done."

Yep... definately know.

Mercury caressed the pliant crystalline flesh. " We

The spacing is wrong on the end of that sentance and the beginning of the next.

You, my Amazonian are the first of a new kind of Sailor Senshi.

I'd replace 'Amazonian' with with either 'Amazon' or 'Amazonian friend'.

"You just don't get it, you stupid boffin.

Boffin? I thought that was slang for sex. Pretty sure you meant 'buffoon'.

Mercury shook her head. "It hurts your plans too." She exhaled. "Unless.... You want your revenge, yes?"

Intersting... I'm surprised Mercury left that in place... then again, she could be looking at it from the focued rage viewpoint... But she has to know how that would end, even with the 'upgrades'.

Eve shook her head. "Nothing that supernatural. Simply a deadman contract."

Heh... someone put a conventional hit on Usagi in Japan... don't see that too often in fanfiction, have a couple times though...

It could be an old enemy that survived.

An old enemy that survived is unlikely to use this approach, at least one from canon.

Maybe four or five platoons

So depending on platoon size some 250-300 people. Hmmm...

Stillwater frowned. "I didn't think the Russians were being paid this well. Quite a commitment."

I'm not certain it is that simple... it may be they are willing to pay even more than they would make... merely for the revenge of having been beaten once and their lost comrades.

"And this person is giving advice to mercenaries possessing equipment capable of dimensional collapse? Even the Silvers aren't that insane."

If it really is a Great Old One... they are not sane by human standards.

nome de guerre

I've known some of the terms in this chapter already, but some I do not... might want to list them at the end and explain/translate them

"Justified paranoia is often the most dangerous,"

Bah... a little paranoia, especially when it is proven to be true, is good for you.

Jacob nodded. "Right, more transhuman claptrap."

This is a surprising view from him.

"And destroy such a useful tool?"

A man this dangerous and the stakes as high as they are... I believe this was a mistake... at a minimum, they could have eased things on the Usagi front by handing him over to them... I can well imagine their enthusiasm in wanting to 'discuss' things with him.

tweaked

Is this slang in your area? I can discern what it means of course by context... but I've never heard it used that way before, and you have it twice. Maybe it is a canadian expression Ranma is to have picked up?

Our employer and her comrades.

Interesting. I had to reread this scene after reading that line... put things in a bit different of a context... I'll have to see if I read that right or not.

Nodoka raised an eyebrow, and mentally made sure to emphasis this in the contact report.

'emphasis' s/b 'emphasize'

"I'd consider the psychological factors first."

That does not sound like a good idea at all.

all without removing her hands from her muff.

I did a double take reading that line... might want to reword.

After a second the queen's face began to stiffen and silver

I think 'silver' should be 'shimmer', could be wrong.

We just got outside conformation on this one,

'conformation' s/b 'confirmation'

between a hundred fifty to two hundred.

A bit lower than my own estimate, but that is dependant upon platoon size used. Ahh... I see, that is not quite everyone.

We are surprised.

Good consistency... she is still using 'we'

"It was only recently that we confirmed anything pattern related to his actives."

"It's only recently that we've confirmed anything Pattern related to his kills."

I'd reword or take one of these out... Kasumi is repeating herself nearly word for word.

The redhead turned and nodded at her fellow brood-mother. "Cecilia."

Heck.... with the time since the last chapter and numbe rof characters, I almost forgot about her.

"She's not moving in nearby is she?"

"I uh... my girls can stay on base, or be housed elsewhere." Cecilia wilted.

Who states the first line... if Cecilia... then these pararaphs can be combined.

"That would be suspicious, but..."

Hmmm... that *would* be suspicious... but then even if Canada has laws regarding full disclosure when buying homes, I do not believe for a second there is a pulic demons listing.

"Don't worry Cecilia, that's my point. Things are going to get more complicated, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to wall off your past."

I could argue that... there are a lot of problems in the world today from those that refuse to learn their lessons from their pasts.

Serenity bowered her head. "It's just her transformation device. She doesn't even need it."

A Dark Star Transformation device pluto found exactly where *Minako* knew it would be... and Pluto does not suspect it might have been tampered with? I hope Ranma makes a connection...

"Is that why you refused to go to the pickup? Yes, it was a dead-drop, but there was a chance Mercury would be there. Were you afraid of being tempted? Were you more afraid of leaving Usagi alone?"

Gasp... And Setsuna still does not suspect... or perhaps she does, which may be even worse.

Pluto looked to the beds where Makoto and Rei slept; the last of the... normal Guardian Senshi.

Ha... she forgot about the ones in Japan...

By the look on her mother's face, the girls guessed that if her mother's tail were out it would have drooped a tad.

'girls' should be singular, since they are inside and the only one outside with Ranma is Nabiki.

"Don't worry Ranma, we'll make sure you have a lovely day off."

I cannot picture a non-interrupted day off for Ranma, either as in this story, or even in canon.

"I'd try to get the Outers," Mars said.

Bad move laying anything like that out in front of Pluto... now even if she had not... she could account for it.

"Really how much commitment to we have to prove?"

first 'to' s/b 'do'

I suppose it's fortunate that you just happen to a list of

'to a' s/b 'to have a'

As a note... I've really enjoyed these sit down meetings involving Stillwater, Jacob, Eve, and Ranma... not just in this newest chapter, but in prior ones as well. It also affims that WIC is truly behind Ranma and unlikely to betray her, even if the possibility exists. I doubt they would actually fabricate all these meetings.

As for the scene with Ranma and the Daughters and stress... I'm not really sure I agree... Not sure it is even possible... The contract Pluto did was specifically for Ranma thru WIC... if Ranma is taken off, there is heel to pay... besides... I do not believe she needs a vacation, I think she merely needs a target. Surely WIC has a suitable target for her, perhaps also introduce the new units from the canadian forces into live action scenarios...

Oh... and if Pluto really is playing with Mercury and in contact with her (making that phone line make more sense if so), I have to wonder if PLuto knows about Mercuy's access to the area on the moon.

Look forward to more.

Hope at least some of this is helpful.
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Re: Return ch27

Postby Sunshine Temple » Fri Feb 11, 2011 6:24 pm

PCHeintz72

I really wanted to post on this sooner... but this week has been very busy, and it *was* an oversized chapter, of which I'm grateful...
[No worries, I realized it was big, and let it up for longer.
[As it's not even on ff.net yet.

A bunch of comments... my normal format, standard rules apply, feel free to ignore if don't like or disagree.
[No prob

Serenity-san

Interesting that Ranma is calling her that.
[She is being a tad sarcastic.

"No. You're my client, not my equal, and certainly not my boss. You hired me to protect you from the Russians and kill you if you were to fall.

Wait... I thought that last was supposedly still a secret from the other inners present.
[Hmmm, did she conceal the latter part?
[I don't think so.
[Will have to check.


"Look, there's more to this than just breaking fingers." Ranma rubbed her forehead. "Information has to be run down, and data has to be organized and verified. He is a known liar, after all. Maybe I should have helped Eve, or seen what Mom was doing, she's been slaving in her lab finding ways to help you."

I think this needs to be two paragraphs, as it seems to be two speakers.

[Just Ranma.
[Does it not sound like Ranma?

Mercury nodded while Orion made a few notes. She then ran her hand through Virgo's hair, which was now the shame shade

'shame' s/b 'same'
[gotcha

"In fact... I'm sure you have none, am I right, my creation?"

I suspected, with no reaction to that statement, I know.
[Hmmm?


"Yes... compared to you, Venus was primitive, prototype, but you can see what even she has done."

Yep... definately know.
[Know what?

Mercury caressed the pliant crystalline flesh. " We

The spacing is wrong on the end of that sentance and the beginning of the next.
[got it.

You, my Amazonian are the first of a new kind of Sailor Senshi.

I'd replace 'Amazonian' with with either 'Amazon' or 'Amazonian friend'.
[latter seems better.

"You just don't get it, you stupid boffin.

Boffin? I thought that was slang for sex. Pretty sure you meant 'buffoon'.
[It's a slang word for a scientist. It also has shades of ivory-tower and absent mindedness.
[So it rather fits Merc.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boffin

Mercury shook her head. "It hurts your plans too." She exhaled. "Unless.... You want your revenge, yes?"

Intersting... I'm surprised Mercury left that in place... then again, she could be looking at it from the focued rage viewpoint... But she has to know how that would end, even with the 'upgrades'.
[Remember that Merc primarily sees them as experiments.
[And focused rage does give a handy lever for control.
[And left in place?
[So you see extensive mental shaping too?

Eve shook her head. "Nothing that supernatural. Simply a deadman contract."

Heh... someone put a conventional hit on Usagi in Japan... don't see that too often in fanfiction, have a couple times though...
[Heh, it's possible ;p

It could be an old enemy that survived.

An old enemy that survived is unlikely to use this approach, at least one from canon.

[Depends. There were a couple...

Maybe four or five platoons

So depending on platoon size some 250-300 people. Hmmm...

Stillwater frowned. "I didn't think the Russians were being paid this well. Quite a commitment."

I'm not certain it is that simple... it may be they are willing to pay even more than they would make... merely for the revenge of having been beaten once and their lost comrades.

[Good point.
[[
Stillwater frowned. "I didn't think the Russians were being paid this well. Quite a commitment. Unless... they're willing to take a loss and complete their target out of a sense of pride and revenge for their fallen comrades."
"They could be putting everything they have, spending all their reserves, all to make sure she's dead." Ranma nodded. "I can understand that motivation."
"This assumes they've hired the whole Union," Eve stated.
]]

"And this person is giving advice to mercenaries possessing equipment capable of dimensional collapse? Even the Silvers aren't that insane."

If it really is a Great Old One... they are not sane by human standards.

[Hehe.

nome de guerre

I've known some of the terms in this chapter already, but some I do not... might want to list them at the end and explain/translate them

[That's French for "Name of war". Refers to aliases revolutionaries and "revolutionaries" sometimes acquire.

"Justified paranoia is often the most dangerous,"

Bah... a little paranoia, especially when it is proven to be true, is good for you.

[[ "Paranoia is like drink, a little is healthy but too much and it starts to blur your thinking," Eve noted.


Jacob nodded. "Right, more transhuman claptrap."

This is a surprising view from him.
[Oh? I never gave much indication he was transhumanist or singularity minded.

"And destroy such a useful tool?"

A man this dangerous and the stakes as high as they are... I believe this was a mistake... at a minimum, they could have eased things on the Usagi front by handing him over to them... I can well imagine their enthusiasm in wanting to 'discuss' things with him.

[I'll add more of a hint.

[[
"We could have just killed him," Ranma grumbled.
"And destroy such a useful tool? You are the one that brokered the deal with him."
"I guess the mere fact that he's alive proves he squealed. That's gotta get the Order tweaked." Ranma grinned, showing her fangs. "If they're sloppy they'll send a hit team."
]]

tweaked

Is this slang in your area? I can discern what it means of course by context... but I've never heard it used that way before, and you have it twice. Maybe it is a canadian expression Ranma is to have picked up?

[Odd. I believe it is Candian, but it's also American too.


Our employer and her comrades.

Interesting. I had to reread this scene after reading that line... put things in a bit different of a context... I'll have to see if I read that right or not.

[It does? Interesting.

Nodoka raised an eyebrow, and mentally made sure to emphasis this in the contact report.

'emphasis' s/b 'emphasize'
[got it

"I'd consider the psychological factors first."

That does not sound like a good idea at all.
[No it does not. ^_^


all without removing her hands from her muff.

I did a double take reading that line... might want to reword.
[Oh suggestive language.
[Perhaps: all without removing her hands from the furry tube of her muffler.

After a second the queen's face began to stiffen and silver

I think 'silver' should be 'shimmer', could be wrong.
[Correct.

We just got outside conformation on this one,

'conformation' s/b 'confirmation'
[got it.

between a hundred fifty to two hundred.

A bit lower than my own estimate, but that is dependant upon platoon size used. Ahh... I see, that is not quite everyone.
[Yeah, platoon sizes vary.

We are surprised.

Good consistency... she is still using 'we'
[Yeah... the whole queen thing is... weird,

"It was only recently that we confirmed anything pattern related to his actives."

"It's only recently that we've confirmed anything Pattern related to his kills."

I'd reword or take one of these out... Kasumi is repeating herself nearly word for word.
[Gah. I'll cut the second one.

The redhead turned and nodded at her fellow brood-mother. "Cecilia."

Heck.... with the time since the last chapter and numbe rof characters, I almost forgot about her.
[Awww. That's a real problem with the release issues.

"She's not moving in nearby is she?"

"I uh... my girls can stay on base, or be housed elsewhere." Cecilia wilted.

Who states the first line... if Cecilia... then these pararaphs can be combined.

[[ "She's not moving in nearby is she?" Ranma asked.


"That would be suspicious, but..."

Hmmm... that *would* be suspicious... but then even if Canada has laws regarding full disclosure when buying homes, I do not believe for a second there is a pulic demons listing.
[Yeah, buying a house like that would be one of the less shady things WIC has done.

"Don't worry Cecilia, that's my point. Things are going to get more complicated, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to wall off your past."

I could argue that... there are a lot of problems in the world today from those that refuse to learn their lessons from their pasts.

[[
"We're here," Eve unlocked the door to her office. "Don't worry Cecilia, that's my point. Things are going to get more complicated, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to wall off your past."
Sniffing the air wafting out of the room, Cecilia grinned.
The blonde turned and looked down at the slender demon. "But you must be careful. Just because you've turned your back on your past doesn't mean it hasn't turned its back on you. Walk away if you must, but don't forget to learn from it before you do."
The lavender-haired woman wilted slightly.
"Lovely moral." Ranma said.
]]

Serenity bowered her head. "It's just her transformation device. She doesn't even need it."

A Dark Star Transformation device pluto found exactly where *Minako* knew it would be... and Pluto does not suspect it might have been tampered with? I hope Ranma makes a connection...
[You're saying she doesn't suspect?

"Is that why you refused to go to the pickup? Yes, it was a dead-drop, but there was a chance Mercury would be there. Were you afraid of being tempted? Were you more afraid of leaving Usagi alone?"

Gasp... And Setsuna still does not suspect... or perhaps she does, which may be even worse.
[She does. Should I make it clearer or leave it vague?

Pluto looked to the beds where Makoto and Rei slept; the last of the... normal Guardian Senshi.

Ha... she forgot about the ones in Japan...
[Guardian Senshi are the Inners. The Outers are the ones in Japan, plus Chibi Usa.

By the look on her mother's face, the girls guessed that if her mother's tail were out it would have drooped a tad.

'girls' should be singular, since they are inside and the only one outside with Ranma is Nabiki.
[good catch.

"Don't worry Ranma, we'll make sure you have a lovely day off."

I cannot picture a non-interrupted day off for Ranma, either as in this story, or even in canon.
[Lovely doesn't necessarily mean no interruptions.

"I'd try to get the Outers," Mars said.

Bad move laying anything like that out in front of Pluto... now even if she had not... she could account for it.
[Heh.

"Really how much commitment to we have to prove?"

first 'to' s/b 'do'
[got it

I suppose it's fortunate that you just happen to a list of

'to a' s/b 'to have a'
[got it.

As a note... I've really enjoyed these sit down meetings involving Stillwater, Jacob, Eve, and Ranma... not just in this newest chapter, but in prior ones as well. It also affims that WIC is truly behind Ranma and unlikely to betray her, even if the possibility exists. I doubt they would actually fabricate all these meetings.
[Excellent. It also shows Ranma's growth as a person and leader.
[Since she is being induced in these meetings as more and more of a peer.

As for the scene with Ranma and the Daughters and stress... I'm not really sure I agree... Not sure it is even possible... The contract Pluto did was specifically for Ranma thru WIC... if Ranma is taken off, there is heel to pay... besides... I do not believe she needs a vacation, I think she merely needs a target. Surely WIC has a suitable target for her, perhaps also introduce the new units from the canadian forces into live action scenarios...

[The contract does allow for some time off, as Ranma hasn't been spending 24/7 with Usagi.
[Sending her out on a "hunting" mission was suggested.
[And that would help give some stress relief, but Eve and Cecilia think some downtime would be good too.
[Also a hunting mission is easier to arrange as that can be Ranma "on the clock"


Oh... and if Pluto really is playing with Mercury and in contact with her (making that phone line make more sense if so), I have to wonder if PLuto knows about Mercuy's access to the area on the moon.

[Hehe.

Look forward to more.

Hope at least some of this is helpful.
[Very much so.
[Thank you for the in depth comments.
[I think it really helped.

[Changes uploaded with V2f
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Re: Return ch27

Postby PCHeintz72 » Fri Feb 11, 2011 7:36 pm

[So you see extensive mental shaping too?

Intended or not... I saw them as such

Code: Select all
[That's French for "Name of war". Refers to aliases revolutionaries and "revolutionaries" sometimes acquire.

It is fine you explained it here... But as I said, I looked it up. My opinion though is you should have them listed at the end of the chapter, or perhaps translations next to them in line with the story.

[Just Ranma.
[Does it not sound like Ranma?

The one part sounded like it was Mitsuko.

[[ "Paranoia is like drink, a little is healthy but too much and it starts to blur your thinking," Eve noted.

Heh... 'Too much of anything, even love, is not nessecarily a good thing', Kirk, Trouble with Tribbles.

[Oh? I never gave much indication he was transhumanist or singularity minded.

You misunderstand, I did not mean that... I merely meant he did not strike as being disdainful to 'powerups', especially ones he did not even see yet. Of course, if you instead were directing the snideness at the fact it comes with unwanted features (aka mental warping), that is different, but also not the way I read that statement.

[She does. Should I make it clearer or leave it vague?

Leaving it vague is fine... Remember, I specifically go out of my way on C&C to comment as I go, thus confusion on my part with earlier statements is actually how I was interpreting them as I read it, not after.

I always felt commenting as I experience a story when leaving detailed C&C leads a author to get better understanding of how their readers are interpreting the story and if their intent is coming across as they want.

[Lovely doesn't necessarily mean no interruptions.

True.

[Very much so.
[Thank you for the in depth comments.
[I think it really helped.

[Changes uploaded with V2f

Glad could help...

I think I'll wait for the final posting to FF.NET before the redownload of the chapter.

BTW, do you intend on reposting prior chapters with updates? I ask as you've done that in the past once or twice, and normally do not say or indicate in chapter notes.


Oh... and I think, in text format at least, this is the 2nd biggest chapter posted... chapter 24 I think slightly bigger. Will see if this remains the case when i download the FF.NET version.

EDIT: I almost forgot...

"It was only recently that we confirmed anything pattern related to his actives."


You stated you were going to take out the second time this occured... however, the last word for the first time is not 'actives', it should be 'activities'
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Re: Return ch27

Postby Pale Wolf » Fri Feb 11, 2011 8:18 pm

You misunderstand, I did not mean that... I merely meant he did not strike as being disdainful to 'powerups', especially ones he did not even see yet. Of course, if you instead were directing the snideness at the fact it comes with unwanted features (aka mental warping), that is different, but also not the way I read that statement.


It's not that he's disdainful of 'powerups'. It's just that he knows they already have enough power - what he sees them as needing is 'how to use it'.

Remember, WIC has pretty much jack supernaturally, but are the boogiemen to the boogiemen - because they know how to use what they've got. A normal human with a killer's edge and a gun can take on and take down demons, almost casually.
There is no problem that cannot be solved through the proper application of immense levels of firepower.

- Finally promoted to Spammaster Indeterminate Rank as of June 18, by Stratagemini

<Stratagemini> My Titanium Anus Armour will repel all challengers!

Would you believe this is one of the more tame bits of dirt I've got for him?
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Re: Return ch27

Postby Sunshine Temple » Sat Feb 12, 2011 12:39 am

PCHeintz72


[So you see extensive mental shaping too?

Intended or not... I saw them as such

[Good... good.

Code: Select all
[That's French for "Name of war". Refers to aliases revolutionaries and "revolutionaries" sometimes acquire.

It is fine you explained it here... But as I said, I looked it up. My opinion though is you should have them listed at the end of the chapter, or perhaps translations next to them in line with the story.

[Could give some notes at the end. So far there's boffin and nome de guerre

[Just Ranma.
[Does it not sound like Ranma?

The one part sounded like it was Mitsuko.
[Mitsuko?

[[ "Paranoia is like drink, a little is healthy but too much and it starts to blur your thinking," Eve noted.

Heh... 'Too much of anything, even love, is not nessecarily a good thing', Kirk, Trouble with Tribbles.
[Hehe, true.

[Oh? I never gave much indication he was transhumanist or singularity minded.

You misunderstand, I did not mean that... I merely meant he did not strike as being disdainful to 'powerups', especially ones he did not even see yet. Of course, if you instead were directing the snideness at the fact it comes with unwanted features (aka mental warping), that is different, but also not the way I read that statement.
[Ahh. It's more what Pale said.

[She does. Should I make it clearer or leave it vague?

Leaving it vague is fine... Remember, I specifically go out of my way on C&C to comment as I go, thus confusion on my part with earlier statements is actually how I was interpreting them as I read it, not after.

[That's good.

I always felt commenting as I experience a story when leaving detailed C&C leads a author to get better understanding of how their readers are interpreting the story and if their intent is coming across as they want.

[It does, seeing the multiple interpretations really helps make it more robust.
[After all, the whole point of writing is the ability to convey ideas to someone else.

[Lovely doesn't necessarily mean no interruptions.

True.

[Very much so.
[Thank you for the in depth comments.
[I think it really helped.

[Changes uploaded with V2f

Glad could help...


I think I'll wait for the final posting to FF.NET before the redownload of the chapter.
[That can work.

BTW, do you intend on reposting prior chapters with updates? I ask as you've done that in the past once or twice, and normally do not say or indicate in chapter notes.
[That's a good point, I should make a note in the notes.
[That said, I do try to avoid having to retcon back a released chapter.
[Which is why I hold back on FF.net uploading.
[Since it's far easier to update a chapter here than on ff.net

Oh... and I think, in text format at least, this is the 2nd biggest chapter posted... chapter 24 I think slightly bigger. Will see if this remains the case when i download the FF.NET version.
[My that is big. Amusing as I was hoping for a shorter.



EDIT: I almost forgot...

"It was only recently that we confirmed anything pattern related to his actives."


You stated you were going to take out the second time this occured... however, the last word for the first time is not 'actives', it should be 'activities'
[good catch. Will upload that change. V2f'

Pale Wolf

You misunderstand, I did not mean that... I merely meant he did not strike as being disdainful to 'powerups', especially ones he did not even see yet. Of course, if you instead were directing the snideness at the fact it comes with unwanted features (aka mental warping), that is different, but also not the way I read that statement.


It's not that he's disdainful of 'powerups'. It's just that he knows they already have enough power - what he sees them as needing is 'how to use it'.

Remember, WIC has pretty much jack supernaturally, but are the boogiemen to the boogiemen - because they know how to use what they've got. A normal human with a killer's edge and a gun can take on and take down demons, almost casually.

[This is exactly correct.
[He's not dismissive of powerful beings per-say, but he's more inclined to smirk at the folly of those that think powering up can compensate for a lack of fundamentals.

[I could clarify the point I suppose.
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Re: Return ch27

Postby Dumbledork » Sun Feb 13, 2011 3:33 pm

I've finally finished reading the chapter. It was enjoyable like always, but one thing that annoys me if the number of factions and everyone constantly planning to betray everyone else. Honestly, it's getting very difficult not to lose oversight.
And that's the bottom line 'cause Dumbledork said so.

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Re: Return ch27

Postby PCHeintz72 » Sun Feb 13, 2011 4:27 pm

Dumbledork wrote:I've finally finished reading the chapter. It was enjoyable like always, but one thing that annoys me if the number of factions and everyone constantly planning to betray everyone else. Honestly, it's getting very difficult not to lose oversight.

Ehhh... I would think this is a more believable approach... can you honestly state or believe all these disparate people and groups would not be betraying each other.

About the only thing that might unite them would be if the truth of it all came out as to what WIC is ultimately going to use the SIlvers to attempt stop. And even then, it would not manage to unite at a minimum the Russians and the one serving the Great Old One.

I'm waiting for the mutual betrayals of Pluto and Mercury to blow up in each others faces, each is smart enough to have backup plans, and each is smart enough to be thinking they are getting the best deal.
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Re: Return ch27

Postby Dumbledork » Sun Feb 13, 2011 5:10 pm

Maybe it's just that all that espionage and secret agent stuff is not one of my faovurite themes. I can barely tolerate James Bond movies.
And that's the bottom line 'cause Dumbledork said so.

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Re: Return ch27

Postby Sunshine Temple » Sun Feb 13, 2011 8:48 pm

Dumbledork
I've finally finished reading the chapter. It was enjoyable like always, but one thing that annoys me if the number of factions and everyone constantly planning to betray everyone else. Honestly, it's getting very difficult not to lose oversight.[/quote]

PCHeintz72

Ehhh... I would think this is a more believable approach... can you honestly state or believe all these disparate people and groups would not be betraying each other.

About the only thing that might unite them would be if the truth of it all came out as to what WIC is ultimately going to use the SIlvers to attempt stop. And even then, it would not manage to unite at a minimum the Russians and the one serving the Great Old One.

I'm waiting for the mutual betrayals of Pluto and Mercury to blow up in each others faces, each is smart enough to have backup plans, and each is smart enough to be thinking they are getting the best deal.

Dumbledork
Maybe it's just that all that espionage and secret agent stuff is not one of my faovurite themes. I can barely tolerate James Bond movies.


[I will say that the extreme factionalization among the Senshi (Usagi versus Makoto and Rei versus Venus versus everyone else) is coming to a head.

[And the stuff with Merc and Pluto plotting is part and parcel of their natures.
[And it will... get out.

[And betrayal and suspicion is natural. Given the interests and mistrust of each group.
[And this is the groups (at least demons, WIC, and Senshi) working together against a greater threat.

[I'm also thinking of posting to ff.net pretty soon. As I think most of the corrections are out, but can wait a bit longer.
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Re: Return ch27

Postby Konsaki » Mon Feb 14, 2011 3:36 am

Go power of friendship! ... Right out the door!
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