Some Things are Just too Ridiculous Chapter 5

[Lioconvoy]

Disclaimer: The characters of Ranma ½ belong to Rumiko Takahashi, and not me. I am writing this story for fun and won’t be making a penny off of it.

Some Things are Just too Ridiculous By Lioconvoy

Chapter Five: Questioning the present and the past

Jun sat next to Chojiro in the vice-principal’s office. They had spent the entire first period just sitting there while Kazami-san talked on the phone. He tried not to listen in, but it sounded like she was making arrangements for him and his friend to transfer to Tomobiki. It was understandable, they couldn’t remain in Furinkan while the rest of the school was female. The two of them had been sitting silently long enough, he was curious what was on his friends mind. “I’m glad it’s over.”

“No kidding.” The former captain of the Go club frowned. Although he was by no means a pervert…there were things he wanted to do with his restored body. The entire two months he was stuck female he took care not to do anything inappropriate so to evade the wrath of Mai, but now that he was male…. He needed some stress relief. “Think they’ll give us the rest of the day off?”

“I don’t know.” The former Kendo Captain personally wouldn’t mind not starting at Tomobiki till the next day. Still if they did have to start at their new school today, he’d try to do something about Mendou. In truth, he at first he thought his underclassmen dissevered what happened with the Tomobiki eleven, but he thought they’d stop after a month. Since it still continued, he no longer held his original opinion.

“So you going to be joining Mendou?” Chojiro was not expecting the look of surprise on his friends face. “Come on I’ve seen the way you’ve looked at Tatewaki lately.”

It was true, he had at times looked at his successor impressed at her. But it wasn’t because he liked the girl Taki had become. He was impressed that she was finally maturing. He had known Kuno since his second year of middle school and he had constantly tried amend his younger friend’s view of the world. “It’s not like that.”

“Sure it’s not. Hey I just because I have Mai, it doesn’t mean I don’t notice other girls. I just limit how long I look at them. ‘Taki’ is beautiful, and you have an in.” His girlfriend used to not be as possessive, but she didn’t take well to him being a girl. The two months cause a sharp change in their relationship, but Chojiro still loved Fujisaki, and hopefully with his manhood restored things might go back to the way they were.

“Taki is a guy. I don’t see her as a girl.” His relationship with the fellow Kendo practitioner had always been brotherly. Yes he liked the changes in Kuno since she became a girl, but the last thing Jun would ever do was to try and convince her that’s she should stay female.

“The two of you may go home now. Tomorrow you will start at Tomobiki.” Mito put down the phone. It had taken forever for her to convince the Principle of Tomobiki to take her two males. The vice-principal sighed, she’d have to have a talk with Kuno.

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She couldn’t do it anymore. As important as education was, trying to understand what went on this morning was more so. Was she responsible for what happen to the male students of the school? How did Jun-sempai and his friend regain their manhood. Quickly she stood up to leave the classroom. She needed to go somewhere where she could think.


“Kuno where do you think you are going?”

“To the principal’s office.” It would seem her behavior of late made the teachers forget just who she was. A quick stare into the eyed of old man caused him to cower.

“Very well. Go ahead.”

Nabiki watched Taki leave and she wondered just what she was up to. It had been awhile since her former male friend used whatever power she had over the teachers. What was she up to?

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It had taken all morning, but Soun was finally able to convince the zookeeper that Genma was not Gen-Ah. However, now the zookeeper knew of Genma’s curse. “We had assumed you took off afraid of your wife.”

“She doesn’t know I turn into a panda. I can easily hide in plain site.” The zoo may have been a safe place but it was nice to be free. The Saotome patriarch could only put up with so much bamboo.

“Actually I told her about both your curse and Ranma’s yesterday. I didn’t find out about your pledge to her until afterwards.” Maybe Nodoka wouldn’t have his old friend and her son take their lives. Soun just couldn’t see you doing it.

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Furinkan high actually had several principal’s offices. One on each floor, one in a hidden basement, and one hidden beneath the pool. She never could understand why her father put an office under the pool, getting to it was quite difficult and one often ended up flooding the office in doing so. This was the one on the first floor by the Kendo Club room. Twice before Tatewaki had come here to think, both occasions were after her transformation.

Now that she was here she need to try and figure out just what had caused the two restorations this morning. Akane had not been involved, she was. Why had her victory over Mai-sempai changed the judgment of the goddess. Or was it as Nabiki and others suggested, she had been the one to place the curse upon Akane Tendo. Had the powers that cast the curse broken it’s hold over Jun-sempai and Chojiro-sempai?

“For only a man is truly worthy of her and if one cannot best her then he is no man.” Were those the words that started the curse. Each male who fell before Akane Tendo the next morning were not men upon defeat. It was hard to believe her words had such power, but…, maybe.

“It is possible in the future I must be mindful of what I say.” If her words had cause all this, what could she do to rectify the situation. What could she say that would break the spell upon the entire student population.

For the past two months she believed that victory over Nabiki’s little sister would restore her, but such a victory was not needed for either upperclassman this morning. Why was that? They had not met the conditions of the curse she placed upon Akane. No words were spoken between the start of her fight and it’s finish. Mai-sempai wanted to challenge Akane, but she stood in her way. The two did battle and in the end she was victorious over the schools strongest fighter. It made no sense that her own victory brought about the cure for Jun-sempai, and Chojiro-sempai.

Her thoughts interrupted, she heard someone knock at the door. Who besides her knew of this office. Pressing a button on the desk she sat at, she unlocked the door to allow whoever the visitor was in.

“So you are in here.”

The vice-principal. Of course, Mito Kazami would know of where her father’s offices were. As always Kazami-san appeared older than she naturally did. She dressed in old-fashioned sweater, an long black skirt, and flat heeled shoes. Her hair had grays placed within it, but truth be told the grays among the black were false. The vice-principal was in fact her mother’s underclassman, but without affects she looked not much older than the third year students of Furinkan. “I am busy, what do I owe this interruption.”

Mito quickly made her way to the desk then patted her superior’s child on the head before messing up her hair. “Forgive my interruption oh noble Kuno, but it is important that I speak with you.”

“Aunt Mito, I truly hate it when you do that.” Letting a smile upon her face, she didn’t miss out on the vice-principles sarcastic tone. Although no blood flowed between them, during her fathers absence, the older woman would often check in on herself and her sister at home. For this reason she insisted on being referred to as their aunt. Before her transformation she use that name begrudgingly, but lately she had been getting along with the older woman a little.

“I know, which is the reason why I do it. You’ve put me in quite the spot. Because this is Nerima no one has questioned what happened to the male students, but now that two of them have been restored; parents are going to start asking why not their own child.” There were more than a hundred rumors going around among the adults as to what happened at the school. From a student’s poor cooking creating a virus that stole the manhood of the young, to a curse placed upon Akane by her grandfather. The former was what the Tomobiki principal believed and he was worried that the two students she was trying to transfer were carriers and could infect his students.

“I do not know what to say. I now accept that it was I who placed the curse upon Akane Tendo, but I do not know why it was broken for only Jun-sempai and Chojiro-sempai. I am quite sure that only a victory over the youngest Tendo should be the curses only cure.”

“Well like before you didn’t cast the spell on purpose, so it may not be stable.” Yes Mito was aware the schools situation was Tatewaki’s fault, but she’d rather the hundred rumors then a single student get blamed for everything.

“Like before? I have cast such a spell before?” When was this? ‘Taki’ was not aware of any such happenings.

“Er, no the spell before was different, …and I’m not supposed to talk about it.” The vice-principal said too much. Well maybe, maybe she should say a little more. Reaching over the younger woman she pressed the button to open the door. Then she made her way to it but before she would leave. “You inherited your nobility from your father, but not your magic.”

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Ranma sat at the Tendo dining room table with his mother as the two of them discussed both his own life and also the lives of his sisters. He was looking forward to meeting them after the school day was over. Still that was a long ways off, as it wasn’t even lunch time yet. “So they know about the Neko-ken?”

“Yes your uncle Makoto mentioned it accidentally while were watching over a neighbors cat. Koneko is also of afraid of them, although she didn’t become afraid until after she found out you were.” If not for the fact she had already cried her daily allotment of tears, she might still be crying, after ten long years she and her son were united and there were no problems between them. He didn’t seem to have an once of hatred for what she had done. Truly he was a man among men.

“She’s the one who braids her hair like mine right?” He was starting to remember Koneko, she was always following him around when he was little.

“Yes, she looks up to you and loves hearing your uncle talk about you.” Her fourteen year old daughter looked up to both Ranma and Makoto. As she got older she took the family art more seriously and she was always studying whatever her brother brought back. “Hiichi and Mizuni will likely challenge you this afternoon.”

“I’d really rather not fight with them.” Although the pigtailed boy accepted girls could be strong, he really didn’t like fighting them.

As Kasumi passed through the kitchen she was very pleased to see things be so civil between Ranma and his mother.

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The last half hour she spent wondering when she had ever cast a spell before. What had Kazami-san meant? Pacing the back wall of her father’s office Tatewaki tried to think of anything she may have said with the same manner as the spell she placed on Akane.

“Fellow students, it has come to my attention that a number of you have taken interest in the fierce tigress that is Akane Tendo. If you wish to take out Akane Tendo then you must defeat her in combat. For only a man is truly worthy of her and if one cannot best her then he is no man. Hear me, for I shall accept no other terms, prove yourself a man or do not bother the pure and tidy Akane Tendo.”

That speech cursed Akane, but she never made such a speech before, she couldn’t think of anything she may have said to a similar fashion.

“For only a man is truly worthy of her and if one cannot best her then he is no man.”

After repeating the curse again, what her ‘aunt’ said as she left finally sunk in. She had received her nobility from her father. But she received her magic from… her mother. Then it hit her harder than any blow she had ever received. The spell she cast before, it had been six years ago.

“Go away and never return.”

Tatewaki closed her eyes as several tears escaped them. Was that her previous spell? Did she exile her mother. That day six years ago, she didn’t remember what it was about, but she and her mother disagreed and in a fit of anger she shouted those words.

She and Kodachi both assumed their mother left because she was a commoner and not truly worthy of their father. If not for the last two months maybe she’d still feel that way, but now, her father despite his noble blood was no great man. Three years ago her father left for a teachers conference in Hawaii and he had yet to return.

Was it her fault their mother left? Although neither openly blamed the other, after that day the she and her sister did not get along. She assumed maybe that Kodachi did indeed blame her. Since her transformation however, Kodachi looked up to her.

Her little sister viewed her transformation as an evolution. Just as Nabiki named her Taki, her sister gave her a female name as well; to Kodachi she was Takiko. The two names were similar, but she didn’t truly care for either.

Now that she was female Kodachi enjoyed spending time with her. At one time her twisted sister would test new poisons on the older sibling, now she cooked her meals without poisons, hoping for praise from ‘Takiko’.

“For only a man is truly worthy of her and if one cannot best her then he is no man.”

Her thoughts had been trailing away from their intended path. She needed to understand what happened this morning. She needed to figure out if this was her fault, how would she fix it? Her magic came from her mother. Focusing her mind she decided there was something she needed to say. She needed to say it with all the force of her pervious spells.

“I wish my mother was here!”

Nothing. She thought that possibly if she purposely cast a spell she might have some feeling, some additional understanding of it. But she felt nothing.

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The middle Tendo sister did not quite understand why she found herself in the vice-principal’s office. She had a feeling she wouldn’t be spending her lunch with Taki, but she worried why she might be spending it with the vice-principal.

“I’m sorry to pull you out of Lunch. I know you normally spend it with Taki, I was hoping you could do a favor for me.”

“What sort of favor?” Now Nabiki new better then to try and milk a member of the school facility, but she was curious what she might be able to get away with.

Mito sighed, she was aware of the second Tendo sister’s personality. Still the short haired girl was the only friend Tatewaki had that she was aware of. “I visited Kuno earlier and I noticed she did not bring a lunch. Will you deliver her lunch to her please?”

“Okay.” That was a favor she wouldn’t mind doing for free she was a little worried about Taki. “But I don’t know where the principal’s office is.”

Kazami placed a folded piece of paper on her desk, and then pulled out a large bento from a bag besides her and placed it too on the desk. “Follow the map, and then I suggest you destroy it. The location of that office is your payment, but I suggest you do not share it.”

“Yes mam.” Nabiki took the map and Bento off the desk, and then examined the map. It looked like it led to a wall near the Kendo club room. “Is it hidden? How do I get in?”

“Just knock on the wall. Kuno has it locked from the inside.” The vice-principal watched Nabiki nod understanding and then the second year student left the office for her destination. Mito smiled, glad the Tendo of the second year accepted her task. Maybe a friend could help Tatewaki.

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There was no way his old friend was a man among men. As soon he told Genma that Nodoka knew of his curse he offered their services to the zookeeper to help catch Gen-Ah. Soun sighed, it normally took a full week to capture that escaped panda.

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Knocking again. Was hit her ‘aunt’? Opening the door she was surprised to see it was Nabiki entering the secret office. “Nabiki-chan I’m afraid I am not in the mood for a photo session today.”

“That’s not why I’m here Taki. The vice-principal sent me with your lunch.” She knew the school had a few secrets from Kasumi, but she had heard the Principal’s office was somewhere under the pool. It was too bad she didn’t know how to open the door from the outside, this office could be used for a few things.

As the second Tendo placed the large bento on the desk, ‘Taki’ knew it had not been the one she left in the classroom. Still the vice-principal was wise in sending it, she was starting to get hungry. “Thank you Nabiki.”

“You’re welcome. It looks a little big for one, mind if I join you?” Akemi and Suzue would gather up whatever information was running around as usual, so it wasn’t like she needed to be out among the student if she wasn’t taking pictures.

“I do not know if you would want to. I must challenge your sister this afternoon.” However the magic worked, whatever happened this morning, restoration was possible, she needed to try and regain her manhood. It might place a rift between her and her new friend, but maybe it be easier to feel the magic she possessed as a man.

“Well you would have yesterday if she had come to school, and I’m sure if Fujisaki-sempai hadn’t challenged her this morning, you would have then as well. I’m not worried about you hurting my sister, and… I meant what I said this morning. It would cut into my profits, but I wouldn’t mind you being a guy again.” She hoped she wasn’t blushing, it was unprofessional. During class she had spent a little time thinking about her earlier statement. If Kuno’s personality remained the same when she became male again, he’d definitely be a good catch.

Tatewaki wondered if her face was becoming as red as Nabiki’s. Being female had definitely changed her, before she admired the physically strong, but the middle Tendo sister was mentally strong and now she was attracted to that. “Very well then you may join me.”

“So do you have any idea what happened to Izumi-sempai, and Shindo-sempai?” Given Taki’s red face, she had to be blushing. Her blushing, maybe the former boy wasn’t the only one changing, that she did not like. She watched the former male open the bento and then hand her the top tray saving the lower for herself. It seemed the two trays were identical, did the vice-principal want her and Kuno to eat together. Taki then handed her a pair of chop stick and started eating. “You’re not surprised by this?”

“No I am not. Aunt Mito is always teasing me.” Continuing to eat, she couldn’t help but notice Nabiki was just staring at her rather than eating herself. “There is no blood between us, but she looks in on my sister and I. She insist that we refer to her as our aunt.”

“Oh.” She started to dig in to the tray in front of her. She didn’t see any labels that showed the bento as being bought, the vice-principal was apparently a good cook. It was her turn to share something. Was Taki going to pick the subject or should she?

“In school the two prevalent rumors regarding what happened are: that I cursed Akane, or that Akane is the goddess I claim he to be and she passed judgment upon those of us who failed to best her. However there is one rumor among some adults that it was your grandfather to curse Akane. Do you know how that came about?” It was something the vice-principal had mentioned to her once. Although she now believed herself the source of the curese, ‘Taki’ was a little interested in the rumored alternate source.

Really? She didn’t know the adults had their own theories for Furinkan being an all girls’ school. She really only paid attention to her fellow students. She mentioned it to Ranma this morning, even if he wasn’t paying attention, she might as well tell Kuno. “The Tendo and Saotome family have been trying to join for several generations. Until now, both families have only had sons. My grandfather tried to marry my father to Ranma’s by having my father raised as a girl.”

“You father attended school as a girl?”

“Up until he was twelve. Then Ranma’s grandfather figured out what mine was up to and my dad got transferred to an all boys’ school on the outskirts of Nerima. I guess some of his classmate knew it was him. My sisters and I were told about it after we found a picture of him dressed in a girl’s Kimono, with our mother.” She and Kasumi took after their mother, but from the picture, their twelve year old father looked almost exactly like a twelve year old Akane.

“I see.” Taking another bite from her lunch, she thought about the question her friend asked before they were sidetracked. Had she really figured out anything about what happened to their upperclassmen? “The only thing I understand now that I did not before coming here this morning is that I truly am a sorcerer most foul. The words I spoke during the assembly two months ago did indeed curse you sister. However I am still at a loss as to why that curse lost it’s power over Jun-sempai and Chojiro-sempai.”

So Taki was finally answering that question. She didn’t think the former male was a foul sorcerer, but she had always believed that Kuno had cursed her sister. It was interesting to know the sword girl could accept that now. “It’s not like you said anything during or before the fight, and even if you did, what could you have said to release them from the curse.”

“Yes, and that is what vexes me so. I’m am quite sure my magic requires the spoken word, but as no words were spoke until after the fight and restoration, I do not understand what returned our upperclassmen to their true selves. That is why I must challenge Akane today. Maybe should my own form be restored I will have a better understanding.” She had spent half the day in thought and that was the most she had come up with.

“Well if you’re stuck on that maybe you should return to class now.”

“Yes maybe I should.” Finish her tray, ‘Taki’ started cleaning up. Once Nabiki finished hers they would return together. She could not accomplish anything more here for the time being.

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Genma smiled at his genius, the zoo’s panda was taking his bait. Both Soun and the zookeeper had laughed at his idea for trapping Gen-ah, here the panda was going after the picnic basket he left lying on the trap. The sad thing was now he would need a new excuse not to see Nodoka.

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Since this morning, most of the day had been fairly un eventful. A few girls had asked while she smiled upon Izumi-sempai and Shindo-sempai, but mostly the day had been like any other. Akane had to frown as she exited the school building with her three friends. Waiting for her outside was Kuno in her Kendo attire. “You want to fight?”

“I apologize Akane Tendo, but I must.” Her male body was her true form. The only thing that came of her time alone in thought; was that perhaps in her restored form she would understand her magic greater. With her wooden sword ready Tatewaki waited for Akane’s friends to move away from her.

“Please, Akane just fight Kuno.” Nabiki stood a safe distance away. A part of her wouldn’t mind Taki losing, but another wanted to see the male Kuno. The later part was a little afraid that once again male Kuno’s personality might revert to it’s previous state, but she hoped it wouldn’t.

The youngest Tendo daughter stepped away from the school building and her friends, and then got in a ready stance. She was caught by surprise when the sword girls weapon was suddenly in her face. She just barely caught it before the blow. This wasn’t like Kuno, she normally allowed her to strike first. Taking advantage of the fact her hands had capture her assailant’s primary weapon, she tried to kick Kuno. But the older girl freed herself and her weapon before the kick could connect.

“Kuno’s not holding back is she?” Yoshinori had watched the previous fight Kuno had with Akane, and although she was certain the older girl was trying to win, she could also tell she wasn’t going all out. This time was different.

The youngest Tendo was now holding her left arm after the sword girl had struck it. Hikaru saw the pain in Akane’s eyes. “Kuno’s going to win.”

She could hear he friends comments, and Akane had a sinking feeling they were right. This fight was harsher then the one she had with Kuno before. All it took was one good blow and she had an easy victory over her upperclassman. Wincing in pain, she receive another blow from the sword, both arms now hurt. Kuno was faster and stronger than she was, thinking about her fight with Ranma, the only reason she had beaten Kuno before was because the older girl had been holding back. Another blow was coming, fighting the pain in her arms she again caught the sword. “I surrender.”

Kuno brought back her wooden sword. Victory was hers. Closing her eyes she waited a moment for her restoration to come. She heard what sounded like popping noises and then bewildered male voices. Her body was unchanged, but … opening her eyes she noticed that some among the spectators were changed, smoke fading from around them. “Why?”

Nabiki looked around, from what she could see, every one who had change back was a third year, and they were a part of the group that Akane attacked, and not those who had attacked her. Why they were freed from the curse she didn’t know. She wanted to comfort Taki, but her classmate took off quickly. Maybe she should leave her friend be for now.

Lio’s Corner:

-“Takiko” and the nick name “Taki” come from the main character of Fushigi Yugi: Genbu Kaiden. That Takiko is also a fighter so I thought her name would fit for a female Tatewaki Kuno.

- The next chapter will be back with Ranma, to find out what Kuno does check out the third side story.

-Although it should be obvious by this chapter, Kuno and Kodachi are aware their father is the principal of Furinkan.

-v-

Getting to know the extras:
Since I was trying to make this story as ridiculous as possible, it has a lot of extras that I’ve created to fill various roles. Here I’ll try to give a brief summary of those characters.

- Mito Kazami: The vice-principal of Furinkan, Mito has been acting as the principal since Principal Kuno left for Hawaii. She’s a year younger than Mr. Tendo and went to the same school as him when he was living as a girl. She’s also close with Kuno’s mother. Because of her youthful appearance she makes herself look older so she is respected in school. While in school, she’s ever the professional, but outside of school with her aged look shed she act more like her apparent age. An earlier version of this chapter mentions her relation to an established Ranma ½ character, but I think I’ll keep it a secret until it becomes relevant to the story, feel free to guess though.

[J. St.C. Patrick]

A good looking chapter.

Nice reflection on Kuno's and Nabiki's part.

Mito is an interesting character. ( her hiding her youthful looks puts me in mind partially of Space Pirate Mito - in a vague manner)

It was understandable, they couldn’t remain in Furinkan while the rest of the school was female.

understandable; (semicolon in place of comma)

The two of them had been sitting silently long enough, he was curious what was on his friends mind.

enough. He
or
enough; he

friend’s

The entire two months he was stuck female he took care not to do anything inappropriate so to evade the wrath of Mai, but now that he was male….

avoid (unless you mean that Mai is going to be mad no matter what)

Still if they did have to start at their new school today, he’d try to do something about Mendou.

Still, (comma insert)

In truth, he at first he thought his underclassmen dissevered what happened with the Tomobiki eleven, but he thought they’d stop after a month.

Are the eleven attacking more than Taki? if not then:

underclassman

deserved

“So you going to be joining Mendou?” Chojiro was not expecting the look of surprise on his friends face.

So, (comma insert)

It was true, he had at times looked at his successor impressed at her.

?
Even changing the ‘at’ to ‘by’ doesn’t help. This sentence needs to be rewritten. perhaps:

It was true; he had at times looked at his successor and been impressed by her

Hey I just because I have Mai, it doesn’t mean I don’t notice other girls.

Hey, just (comma insert) ( no need for that 'I')

Yes he liked the changes in Kuno since she became a girl, but the last thing Jun would ever do was to try and convince her that’s she should stay female.

Yes,

that ( no need for the apostrophe or the ‘s’

It had taken forever for her to convince the Principle of Tomobiki to take her two males.

Principal

The vice-principal sighed, she’d have to have a talk with Kuno.

sighed; (semicolon in place of colon)

Was she responsible for what happen to the male students of the school? How did Jun-sempai and his friend regain their manhood.

had happened

manhood? (question mark in place of period)

A quick stare into the eyed of old man caused him to cower.

eyes

of the old

It had taken all morning, but Soun was finally able to convince the zookeeper that Genma was not Gen-Ah. However, now the zookeeper knew of Genma’s curse. “We had assumed you took off afraid of your wife.”

Formatting – make the sentence “We had... >snip<... wife.” a separate paragraph.
Perhaps add a descriptive of Soun.

“She doesn’t know I turn into a panda. I can easily hide in plain site.”

sight

Soun just couldn’t see you doing it.

him

Now that she was here she need to try and figure out just what had caused the two restorations this morning.

needed

Why had her victory over Mai-sempai changed the judgment of the goddess.

goddess? (question mark in place of period)

Or was it as Nabiki and others suggested, she had been the one to place the curse upon Akane Tendo.

it, as ( comma insert)

Had the powers that cast the curse broken it’s hold over Jun-sempai and Chojiro-sempai?

its

Were those the words that started the curse.

curse? (question mark instead of period)

If her words had cause all this, what could she do to rectify the situation.

caused

situation? (question mark instead of period)

What could she say that would break the spell upon the entire student population.

population? (question mark instead of period)

No words were spoken between the start of her fight and it’s finish.

its

Her thoughts interrupted, she heard someone knock at the door.

You have her being interrupted before she hears the knock.

Her thoughts were interrupted by an unexpected knock at the door

Who besides her knew of this office.

office? ( question mark instead of period)

She dressed in old-fashioned sweater, an long black skirt, and flat heeled shoes.

She was dressed

a long

The vice-principal was in fact her mother’s underclassman, but without affects she looked not much older than the third year students of Furinkan.

effects
or
these affectations

“Forgive my interruption oh noble Kuno, but it is important that I speak with you.”

interruption, oh

Although no blood flowed between them, during her fathers absence, the older woman would often check in on herself and her sister at home.

father’s

There were more than a hundred rumors going around among the adults as to what happened at the school.

what had happened

“I do not know what to say. I now accept that it was I who placed the curse upon Akane Tendo, but I do not know why it was broken for only Jun-sempai and Chojiro-sempai. I am quite sure that only a victory over the youngest Tendo should be the curses only cure.”

curse’s

“Well like before you didn’t cast the spell on purpose, so it may not be stable.”

Well, (comma insert)

Yes Mito was aware the schools situation was Tatewaki’s fault, but she’d rather the hundred rumors then a single student get blamed for everything.

Perhaps drop the yes. If you keep it, then:

Yes, (comma insert)

than

being
or
getting

Well maybe, maybe she should say a little more. Reaching over the younger woman she pressed the button to open the door. Then she made her way to it but before she would leave.

but before she left, turned and said,

“You inherited your nobility from your father, but not your magic.”

Still that was a long ways off, as it wasn’t even lunch time yet.

way (iffy - ways is colloquial)

“Yes your uncle Makoto mentioned it accidentally while were watching over a neighbors cat.

neighbor’s

If not for the fact she had already cried her daily allotment of tears, she might still be crying, after ten long years she and her son were united and there were no problems between them.

either:

crying. After
or
crying; after

He didn’t seem to have an once of hatred for what she had done.

ounce

Truly he was a man among men.

Truly,

“She’s the one who braids her hair like mine right?”

mine, (comma insert)

Her fourteen year old daughter looked up to both Ranma and Makoto.

suggestion – “idolized” in place of “looked up to” to avoid repetition from the previous sentence.

As she got older she took the family art more seriously and she was always studying whatever her brother brought back.

uncle ( as the she spoken of here is Koneko not Nodoka)

Pacing the back wall of her father’s office Tatewaki tried to think of anything she may have said with the same manner as the spell she placed on Akane.

Suggestion ("pacing the wall" makes it sound as if she's either keeping pace with it (i.e. running on a track) or walking on it.

Pacing beside the
Pacing along side the
Pacing along the

That speech cursed Akane, but she never made such a speech before, she couldn’t think of anything she may have said to a similar fashion.

before; she
or
before. She

Did she exile her mother.

mother? (question mark in place of period)

That day six years ago, she didn’t remember what it was about, but she and her mother disagreed and in a fit of anger she shouted those words.

mother had disagreed

If not for the last two months maybe she’d still feel that way, but now, her father despite his noble blood was no great man.

blood had shown he was (suggestion)

Three years ago her father left for a teachers conference in Hawaii and he had yet to return.

he ( you already introduced him in the preceding sentence no need to repeat 'her father'

teachers’

and had ( no need for the 'he' here)

She assumed maybe that Kodachi did indeed blame her.

assumed, maybe, that

Since her transformation however, Kodachi looked up to her.

transformation, however,

Just as Nabiki named her Taki, her sister gave her a female name as well; to Kodachi she was Takiko.

had given

She needed to figure out if this was her fault, how would she fix it?

out that if (suggestion)

She had a feeling she wouldn’t be spending her lunch with Taki, but she worried why she might be spending it with the vice-principal.

she was worried as to why (suggestion)

“I’m sorry to pull you out of Lunch. I know you normally spend it with Taki, I was hoping you could do a favor for me.”

Miss Kuno ( It seems too familiar for Mito to be calling her by a nickname to Nabiki, let alone one Nabiki is calling her)

Now Nabiki new better then to try and milk a member of the school facility, but she was curious what she might be able to get away with.

than

faculty ( facility being the building itself)

curious as to what

Still the short haired girl was the only friend Tatewaki had that she was aware of.

she knew of. ( to avoid repetition of aware)

“I visited Kuno earlier and I noticed she did not bring a lunch. Will you deliver her lunch to her please?”

Miss Kuno (suggestion, unless you want Mito to betray her familiarity with Taki)

please? You will find her in the principal’s office.”

You don’t have Mito tell Nabiki where Taki is.

That was a favor she wouldn’t mind doing for free she was a little worried about Taki.

free; she (semi colon insert)

Kazami placed a folded piece of paper on her desk, and then pulled out a large bento from a bag besides her and placed it too on the desk.

this sentence is a little awkward. perhaps:

Kazami placed a folded piece of paper on her desk, then reaching into a bag by her feet, pulled out a bento and placed it beside the note.

“Yes mam.”

ma’am

“Just knock on the wall. Kuno has it locked from the inside.”

Miss Kuno

The vice-principal watched Nabiki nod understanding and then the second year student left the office for her destination.

nod in understanding

Mito smiled, glad the Tendo of the second year accepted her task. Maybe a friend could help Tatewaki.

the repetition of second year feels awkward here. Perhaps as an alternate:

glad that Miss Tendo of Class 2E

As soon he told Genma that Nodoka knew of his curse he offered their services to the zookeeper to help catch Gen-Ah.

pronoun problems. Perhaps get rid of the he that refers to Soun:

As soon as Genma learned that

curse, he

Soun sighed, it normally took a full week to capture that escaped panda.

suggestion:

that cunning

Knocking again. Was hit her ‘aunt’?

it

Opening the door she was surprised to see it was Nabiki entering the secret office.

Nabiki waiting to enter

It was too bad she didn’t know how to open the door from the outside, this office could be used for a few things.

outside;

“I do not know if you would want to. I must challenge your sister this afternoon.”

will (suggestion)

However the magic worked, whatever happened this morning, restoration was possible, she needed to try and regain her manhood.

possible and she

It might place a rift between her and her new friend, but maybe it be easier to feel the magic she possessed as a man.

it would be

Being female had definitely changed her, before she admired the physically strong, but the middle Tendo sister was mentally strong and now she was attracted to that. “Very well then you may join me.”

then, you

Her blushing, maybe the former boy wasn’t the only one changing, that she did not like.

This is awkward.
whose blushing are you speaking of here?
I’m assuming Nabiki as she’s the one speaking at the start of the sentence.
Perhaps:

Her own cheeks felt hot, she must be blushing; maybe the former boy wasn’t the only one changing. That she did not like.

It seemed the two trays were identical, did the vice-principal want her and Kuno to eat together.

together? (question mark instead of period.

suggestion:

identical, did the vice-principal plan on her and Kuno eating together?

Taki then handed her a pair of chop stick and started eating. “You’re not surprised by this?”

Suggestion:

this?” Nabiki queried.

“No I am not.

“No,

She insist that we refer to her as our aunt.”

insists

However there is one rumor among some adults that it was your grandfather to curse Akane.

who cursed

Although she now believed herself the source of the curese, ‘Taki’ was a little interested in the rumored alternate source.

curse

She mentioned it to Ranma this morning, even if he wasn’t paying attention, she might as well tell Kuno.

what she was about to say ( the it confuses as, being a pronoun it could refer to the adult’s rumor rather than what she had said to Ranma – as they are not quite the same thing)

“The Tendo and Saotome family have been trying to join for several generations.

families

unite

I guess some of his classmate knew it was him.

classmates

“I see.” Taking another bite from her lunch, she thought about the question her friend asked before they were sidetracked.

who is this she? Tatewaki? if so then mention her by name as you’ve changed subject. If it is not Tatewaki then put make this sentence a separate line from the “I see.”, which does seem to be Tatewaki.

Had she really figured out anything about what happened to their upperclassmen? “The only thing I understand now that I did not before coming here this morning is that I truly am a sorcerer most foul.

morning,

The words I spoke during the assembly two months ago did indeed curse you sister.

your

However I am still at a loss as to why that curse lost it’s power over Jun-sempai and Chojiro-sempai.”

its

“It’s not like you said anything during or before the fight, and even if you did, what could you have said to release them from the curse.”

curse?”

“Yes, and that is what vexes me so. I’m am quite sure my magic requires the spoken word, but as no words were spoke until after the fight and restoration, I do not understand what returned our upperclassmen to their true selves.

said

Maybe should my own form be restored I will have a better understanding.”

Maybe,

restored,

“Well if you’re stuck on that maybe you should return to class now.”

"Well,

that,

“Yes maybe I should.”

Yes,

Finish her tray, ‘Taki’ started cleaning up.

Finishing

Genma smiled at his genius, the zoo’s panda was taking his bait.

genius; the

Both Soun and the zookeeper had laughed at his idea for trapping Gen-ah, here the panda was going after the picnic basket he left lying on the trap.

Gen-ah. And


Genma's smarter than the average Panda bear.

Since this morning, most of the day had been fairly un eventful.

uneventful.

“I apologize Akane Tendo, but I must.”

apologize, (comma insert)

The only thing that came of her time alone in thought; was that perhaps in her restored form she would understand her magic greater.

thought was (no need for the semicolon)

“Please, Akane just fight Kuno.”

Please, Akane,

The later part was a little afraid that once again male Kuno’s personality might revert to it’s previous state, but she hoped it wouldn’t.

that when once

its

She was caught by surprise when the sword girls weapon was suddenly in her face.

girl’s

She just barely caught it before the blow.

Before the blow what? This sentence is incomplete. suggestion:

blow connected.

Taking advantage of the fact her hands had capture her assailant’s primary weapon, she tried to kick Kuno.

captured

She could hear he friends comments, and Akane had a sinking feeling they were right.

friends’

This fight was harsher then the one she had with Kuno before.

than

All it took was one good blow and she had an easy victory over her upperclassman.

it usually took

Wincing in pain, she receive another blow from the sword, both arms now hurt.

received

Kuno was faster and stronger than she was, thinking about her fight with Ranma, the only reason she had beaten Kuno before was because the older girl had been holding back.

was. Thinking

Another blow was coming, fighting the pain in her arms she again caught the sword. “I surrender.”

coming; fighting

Closing her eyes she waited a moment for her restoration to come.

eyes, she

Nabiki looked around, from what she could see, every one who had change back was a third year, and they were a part of the group that Akane attacked, and not those who had attacked her.

everyone

changed

- Mito Kazami:



She’s also close with Kuno’s mother.

Do you plan on Kuno’s mother making an appearance?

While in school, she’s ever the professional, but outside of school with her aged look shed she act more like her apparent age.

acts


There you go!

[Lioconvoy]

I've made most of the suggested corrections but I haven't edited the first post.

It had taken all morning, but Soun was finally able to convince the zookeeper that Genma was not Gen-Ah. However, now the zookeeper knew of Genma’s curse. “We had assumed you took off afraid of your wife.”

Formatting – make the sentence “We had... >snip<... wife.” a separate paragraph.
Perhaps add a descriptive of Soun.

Souns the one speaking so why should it be a seperate paragraph?

Suggestion ("pacing the wall" makes it sound as if she's either keeping pace with it (i.e. running on a track) or walking on it.

Well given Kuno's lack of understanding of her magic, she could have been walking on it. She wasn't though so I fix it.

“I’m sorry to pull you out of Lunch. I know you normally spend it with Taki, I was hoping you could do a favor for me."

Miss Kuno ( It seems too familiar for Mito to be calling her by a nickname to Nabiki, let alone one Nabiki is calling her)

Nabiki isn't the only one to call Kuno Taki, and I kind of want Mito to seem familar to Kuno.

All it took was one good blow and she had an easy victory over her upperclassman.

it usually took

I'll add it to the Author's notes, but this is Akane's second real fight with Kuno. He was orignally transformed by her simply kicking him in the face.

Cometary Notes:

-After the last chapter I got the funny idea of Gen-ah being like Yogi.

-I got Mito's personal name from a teacher in Ultra Maniac, I've never seen Space Pirate Mito. I kind of gave her youthful looks cause of who her grandfather is. He's been involve with another character with a deceptive age.

-I do have plans for Kuno's mom showing up. In the original version of the third side story I mention her first name, but took that whole scene out cause I thought it kind of unessary.

---

Now the reason for not editing the first post yet, is I've made some changes to the area where Nabiki is at the principles office then with Kuno.

The middle Tendo sister did not quite understand why she found herself in the vice-principal’s office. She had a feeling she wouldn’t be spending her lunch with Taki, but she was worried why she might be spending it with the vice-principal.

“I’m sorry to pull you out of Lunch. I know you normally spend it with Taki, I was hoping you could do a favor for me.”

“What sort of favor?” Now Nabiki new better than to try and milk a member of the school faculty, but she was curious of what she might be able to get away with. Did the vice-principal just refer to Kuno, by her nickname for him?

Mito sighed, she was aware of the second Tendo sister’s personality. Still the short haired girl was the only friend Tatewaki had that she knew of. “I visited Kuno earlier and I noticed she did not bring a lunch. Will you deliver her lunch to her please?”

“Okay.” That was a favor she wouldn’t mind doing for free; she was a little worried about Taki. It was sort of strange the way Kazami-san talked about Kuno. Did Kuno’s power over the teachers come from a friendship with the vice principal? “But I don’t know where the principal’s office is.”

Kazami placed a folded piece of paper on her desk, then reaching into a bag by her feet, pulled out a bento and placed it beside the note. “Follow the map, and then I suggest you destroy it. The location of that office is your payment, but I suggest you do not share it.”

“Yes ma’am.” Nabiki took the map and Bento off the desk, and then examined the map. It looked like it led to a wall near the Kendo club room. “Is it hidden? How do I get in?”

“Just knock on the wall. Taki has it locked from the inside.” The vice-principal watched Nabiki nod in understanding and then the second year student left the office for her destination. Mito smiled, glad that Tatewaki’s Tendo classmate accepted her task. Maybe a friend could be of help to the former male.

-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-

There was no way his old friend was a man among men. After telling Genma that Nodoka knew of his curse he offered their services to the zookeeper to help catch Gen-Ah. Soun sighed, it normally took a full week to capture that cunning panda.

-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-

Knocking again. Was it her ‘aunt’? Opening the door she was surprised to see it was Nabiki waiting to enter the secret office. “Nabiki-chan I’m afraid I am not in the mood for a photo session today.”

“That’s not why I’m here Taki. The vice-principal sent me with your lunch.” She knew the school had a few secrets from Kasumi, but she had heard the Principal’s office was somewhere under the pool. It was too bad she didn’t know how to open the door from the outside; this office could be used for a few things.

As the second Tendo placed the large bento on the desk, ‘Taki’ knew it had not been the one she left in the classroom. Still the vice-principal was wise in sending it, she was starting to get hungry. “Thank you Nabiki.”

“You’re welcome. It looks a little big for one, mind if I join you?” Akemi and Suzue would gather up whatever information was running around as usual, so it wasn’t like she needed to be out among the student if she wasn’t taking pictures.

“I do not know if you would want to. I must challenge your sister this afternoon.” However the magic worked, whatever happened this morning, restoration was possible and she needed to try and regain her manhood. It might place a rift between her and her new friend, but maybe it would be easier to feel the magic she possessed as a man.

“Well you would have yesterday if she had come to school, and I’m sure if Fujisaki-sempai hadn’t challenged her this morning, you would have then as well. I’m not worried about you hurting my sister, and… I meant what I said this morning. It would cut into my profits, but I wouldn’t mind you being a guy again.” She hoped she wasn’t blushing, it was unprofessional. During class she had spent a little time thinking about her earlier statement. If Kuno’s personality remained the same when she became male again, he’d definitely be a good catch.

Tatewaki wondered if her face was becoming as red as Nabiki’s, her cheeks felt a little warm. Being female had definitely changed her, before she admired the physically strong, but the middle Tendo sister was mentally strong and now she was attracted to that. “Very well then you may join me.”

“So do you have any idea what happened to Izumi-sempai, and Shindo-sempai?” Given Taki’s red face, she had to be blushing herself. Maybe the former boy wasn’t the only one changing, that she did not like. She watched the former male open the bento and then hand her the top tray saving the lower for herself. It seemed the two trays were identical, did the vice-principal plan on her and Kuno eating together? Taki then handed her a pair of chop stick and started eating. The former boy seemed phased, that she found curious. “You’re not surprised by this?”

“No, I am not. Aunt Mito is always teasing me.” Continuing to eat, she couldn’t help but notice Nabiki was just staring at her rather than eating herself. “There is no blood between us, but she looks in on my sister and I. She insists that we refer to her as our aunt.”

“Oh.” She started to dig in to the tray in front of her. That not only answered her current query, but her earlier one about the vice-principals familiarity with Kuno. Well now it was her turn to share something. Was Taki going to pick the subject or should she?

“In school the two prevalent rumors regarding what happened are: that I cursed Akane, or that Akane is the goddess I claim he to be and she passed judgment upon those of us who failed to best her. However there is one rumor among some adults that it was your grandfather who cursed Akane. Do you know how that came about?” It was something the vice-principal had mentioned to her once. Although she now believed herself the source of the curse, ‘Taki’ was a little interested in the rumored alternate source.

Really? She didn’t know the adults had their own theories for Furinkan being an all girls’ school. She really only paid attention to her fellow students. She mentioned her fathers past to Ranma this morning, even if he wasn’t paying attention, she might as well tell Kuno. “The Tendo and Saotome families have been trying to unite for several generations. Until now, both families have only had sons. My grandfather tried to marry my father to Ranma’s by having my father raised as a girl.”

“Your father attended school as a girl?”

“Up until he was twelve. Then Ranma’s grandfather figured out what mine was up to and my dad got transferred to an all boys’ school on the outskirts of Nerima. I guess some of his classmates knew it was him. My sisters and I were told about it after we found a picture of him dressed in a girl’s Kimono, with our mother.” She and Kasumi took after their mother, but from the picture, their twelve year old father looked almost exactly like a twelve year old Akane.

“I see.” Taking another bite from her lunch, Tatewaki thought about the question her friend asked before they were sidetracked. Had she really figured out anything about what happened to their upperclassmen? “The only thing I understand now that I did not before coming here this morning, is that I truly am a sorcerer most foul. The words I spoke during the assembly two months ago did indeed curse your sister. However I am still at a loss as to why that curse lost its power over Jun-sempai and Chojiro-sempai.”

So Taki was finally answering that question. She didn’t think the former male was a foul sorcerer, but she had always believed that Kuno had cursed her sister. It was interesting to know the sword girl could accept that now. “It’s not like you said anything during or before the fight, and even if you did, what could you have said to release them from the curse?”

“Yes, and that is what vexes me so. I’m am quite sure my magic requires the spoken word, but as no words were spoke until after the fight and restoration, I do not understand what returned our upperclassmen to their true selves. That is why I must challenge Akane today. Maybe, should my own form be restored, I will have a better understanding.” She had spent half the day in thought and that was the most she had come up with.

“Well, if you’re stuck on that, maybe you should return to class now.”

“Yes, maybe I should.” Finishing her tray, ‘Taki’ started cleaning up. Once Nabiki finished hers they would return together. She could not accomplish anything more here for the time being.

[J. St.C. Patrick]

It had taken all morning, but Soun was finally able to convince the zookeeper that Genma was not Gen-Ah. However, now the zookeeper knew of Genma’s curse. “We had assumed you took off afraid of your wife.”

Formatting – make the sentence “We had... >snip<... wife.” a separate paragraph.
Perhaps add a descriptive of Soun.

Souns the one speaking so why should it be a seperate paragraph?

Because Soun is not the subject of the preceding sentence. The zookeeper is. While it can be can be assumed that it is indeed Soun speaking, given that this is the ridiculous world of Nerima it is just plausible (barely) that the zookeeper is speaking of rumors of Genma's disappearance. It also looks tidier if it is on its own.

Also you haven't described Soun in a while - how is he dressed? In his Gi, kimono or business suit?

“I’m sorry to pull you out of Lunch. I know you normally spend it with Taki, I was hoping you could do a favor for me.”

Miss Kuno ( It seems too familiar for Mito to be calling her by a nickname to Nabiki, let alone one Nabiki is calling her)

Nabiki isn't the only one to call Kuno Taki, and I kind of want Mito to seem familar to Kuno.

I see by the new section that you have Nabiki being surprised by the familarity so that works.

You don’t have Mito tell Nabiki where Taki is.

Well Mito would have metioned it when she gave Nabiki the map, but since Nabiki is in the same class a Kuno she was there when Kuno said he was going to the principals office. That's why Nabiki says she doesn't know where it is.

Having re-read that, then yes Nabiki should know where Kuno was going. But was Mito there when Kuno said it? How does Mito know Nabiki knows where Taki is?

Cometary Notes:

-After the last chapter I got the funny idea of Gen-ah being like Yogi.

You could name the zookeeper: Renji Sumisu

-I got Mito's personal name from a teacher in Ultra Maniac, I've never seen Space Pirate Mito. I kind of gave her youthful looks cause of who her grandfather is. He's been involve with another character with a deceptive age.

Given the quality of the animation, it is probably for the best that you've never seen SPM.

-I do have plans for Kuno's mom showing up. In the original version of the third side story I mention her first name, but took that whole scene out cause I thought it kind of unessary.

Ah, okay.




The new bits look good.

Did the vice-principal just refer to Kuno, by her nickname for him?

that works.

Still the short haired girl was the only friend Tatewaki had that she knew of.

Still, (comma insert)

The vice-principal watched Nabiki nod in understanding and then the second year student left the office for her destination.

Something I missed (shocking, isn't it? ). This is two sentences with two different subjects. Mito is the subject of sentence 1 and Nabiki is the subject of sentence 2.
there’s an easy fix:


and then leave the

“Thank you Nabiki.”

you, Nabiki (comma insert)

Maybe the former boy wasn’t the only one changing, that she did not like. She watched the former male open the bento and then hand her the top tray saving the lower for herself.

Suggest you change the second former for something else. either just the word or the phrase. Or perhaps use Taki or Kuno

Taki then handed her a pair of chop stick and started eating.

chopsticks

That not only answered her current query, but her earlier one about the vice-principals familiarity with Kuno.

vice-principal’s

Well now it was her turn to share something.

Well, (comma insert)

She mentioned her fathers past to Ranma this morning, even if he wasn’t paying attention, she might as well tell Kuno.

father’s

[Lioconvoy]

Soun probably should have changed his clothes before leaving for the Zoo. Although he never worried about wearing his dogi in public, he never wore shoes
with it. His old friend may have had no problem walking around bare foot all the time, but the concrete was hot and it had taken all morning to finally able to convince the zookeeper that Genma was not Gen-Ah. However, he had to tell the zookeeper of Genma’s curse. “We had assumed you took off afraid of your wife.”

How's this?

Well Mito would have metioned it when she gave Nabiki the map, but since Nabiki is in the same class a Kuno she was there when Kuno said he was going to the principals office. That's why Nabiki says she doesn't know where it is.

Having re-read that, then yes Nabiki should know where Kuno was going. But was Mito there when Kuno said it? How does Mito know Nabiki knows where Taki is?

She doesn't, she originally planned on just handing Nabiki the map.

You could name the zookeeper: Renji Sumisu

I could and I will. I was planning on him appearing more often it's good to have a name for him, and that's a great one.

[J. St.C. Patrick]

Soun probably should have changed his clothes before leaving for the Zoo. Although he never worried about wearing his dogi in public, he never wore shoes
with it. His old friend may have had no problem walking around bare foot all the time, but the concrete was hot and it had taken all morning to finally able to convince the zookeeper that Genma was not Gen-Ah. However, he had to tell the zookeeper of Genma’s curse. “We had assumed you took off afraid of your wife.”

How's this?

The description of Soun is good.

Well Mito would have metioned it when she gave Nabiki the map, but since Nabiki is in the same class a Kuno she was there when Kuno said he was going to the principals office. That's why Nabiki says she doesn't know where it is.

Having re-read that, then yes Nabiki should know where Kuno was going. But was Mito there when Kuno said it? How does Mito know Nabiki knows where Taki is?

She doesn't, she originally planned on just handing Nabiki the map.

Ah, Okay.

You could name the zookeeper: Renji Sumisu

I could and I will. I was planning on him appearing more often it's good to have a name for him, and that's a great one.

[Lioconvoy]

Cool, if I don't say it enough, thank you for your help fixing my fics.